My Pregnant Girlfriend Is A Heroin Addict | Higher Love (Award Winning Documentary) | Real Families

there's a way to make an entrance my destiny it was now a conspiracy of witches download vee today me who the [ __ ] is going to canada yeah camden is uh for the rest of the country uh a [ __ ] i always imagine camden like uh like detroit like robocop's detroit yeah yeah you know i always think of it like that and you go over that bridge down there and you're on your own it's got to be like i am legend when you go home at night pour bleach on the stairs and lock your doors man let's go to mike and jersey mike there are plenty of places like this around the country i'm telling you man you take a drive you'll see this [ __ ] well there you go the death of a city yeah it's a perfect example i bet you they were a happening little city yeah and then whatever industry it was went away and that was it that's what happens in america that's what happens [Music] this is old abandoned campbell's food factory so i want to see eating the cena how are you doing how are you pretty good i'm trying to find uh this girl have you seen her she loves familiar seriously how long has she been about four days what is it you know like what area well she goes out and pulls down yeah seriously yeah yep hold up okay yep oh [Music] was what's the what's the purpose of having a [ __ ] phone she don't answer why wouldn't you answer your phone [Music] [Music] [Music] um all these [ __ ] on federal street try to [ __ ] [ __ ] my man and try to give them false information because my man goes around paying these little [ __ ] [ __ ] for information i've been with him for seven years now and all we fight about is me doing drugs like if i weren't getting high i'd probably be like living it up right now he has a very good job he's a printer he makes forty dollars an hour you know and when he got with me he was like doing so good living the life and i kind of came in so this is my daily routine come to the hood i call this the belly of the beast i haven't seen her in four days when she gets her mind made up that she wants to get high that's what she does and she finds a way to stay out here knock knock i took a pregnancy test and it came up negative and i didn't think i was pregnant because of the test and my stomach kept growing and then like i got scared i thought something was wrong with my liver and the test was just out of date and then yeah i was just laying in bed and i felt like moving and [ __ ] and i'm like oh [ __ ] i'm [ __ ] pregnant and i was already too too late to have an abortion so the longer she's out here the more damage she does to the baby so i'm always desperate it's a desperate thing but this is a hiding spot they'll come back here and she'll smoke a [ __ ] crack some people have a methadone they'd be right here [ __ ] then they're pushing something that's that's the plunger i'll come back here being in this [ __ ] that's what it'll be don't sit on these nasty [ __ ] beds my father died with a needle in his arm and my mom used to shoot powder so it was in my genius i want to get high and you know i think about my last pregnancy how i got high throughout my whole pregnancy and nothing was wrong with my son he had no withdrawal he had nothing my man tells me all the time it's not the same that doesn't mean that that's gonna happen this time because now you're older you've been doing drugs longer you know what i mean and every situation is not the same and i argue and i fight with him all the time but he's 100 right and i love him to death and i just i just wish sometimes he could understand where i come from but yo what the [ __ ] is up with nick is she okay okay i'm making sure [Music] oh [Music] [Music] [Music] birds of a feather flock together they're all in the same boat so sometimes they will hide her you know to get high buddies no one likes to smoke crack by themselves no one likes to do duke by themselves they're trying to bring a keem then back the center city they're putting a lot of money into it but if you don't change this epidemic of addiction and dope it's not going to change they're going to break in they're going to steal the pipes they're going to they're going to tear it down the people have to change the mentality has to change this time in the morning uh normally people are giving out samples of dope and reddie's night of the walking dead everyone's going to be congregating around talking about who has what dupe i just i put them in the crib i didn't get a chance to put it together it just got delivered the other day but it's actually gonna be it's a two-in-one it turns into a bed form later so i just got that for him these are pictures of the uh good times before the drugs took over we were just out having fun we haven't done that in years now i mean there's not any [ __ ] drug that nani wouldn't do you know and i just don't i don't get it how she could do that with a baby on her belly she has no thought of it [Music] he comes out and tries to get her to go home i mean he'll buy her stuff but he'll buy her like he'll even get her he'll get her bottle methadone she was only [ __ ] yup she was on the methadone but she wants more so like it's never enough my job is good but well i mean it is what it is though like what are we going to do [ __ ] um no you were supposed to have been at him he probably needed to cook something up he was supposed to be coming out with it at four o'clock all right i remember with my first bit of school clothes money my uncle and my dad gave me i once bought a quarter ounce of cool and that guy gave me a house i moved 10 kills every week every monday sunday i got 10 kilos in at 24 000 a key you do laugh dude i work too i mean like 84 grand a year working for a valley engineer 15 years so i made out pretty good man caught my habit from putting it together and from there on [ __ ] i got a dealership it got worse doing about five grams of debt one time when i met iman all he did was smoke weed he used to chase nicki around because nikki was getting high and he was only smoking weed and he'd be like what the [ __ ] were you saying nikki remember back in the day yeah i went once maria and it worked but i [ __ ] up me worrying about nick my stupid ass thinking i could save somebody i don't want to be saved like you get stuck stuck in an attic i know what you're saying i met her to uh selling drugstore me harry almost got into a fight and then coming to find out she liked me the whole time you got to hit me first me i'm serious nick you gotta hit me first i'm dead serious what the [ __ ] i just say what is your friend where's the guy right here yeah i need the cotton look at that all that [ __ ] in there you wanna cook my level two she came here and she got stuck here man hello no one is available to take your call please leave a message after the tone can you call me now please before we leave camden i want to make sure she's not somewhere in camden i'm going to take my time and look because i know they're riding around with some freaking guy and uh hey did you see that see the guy that was there that might have been her it's 1 30 in the morning and they're sitting there they were sitting there smoking crack in front of the set and the cops are right there and it's a known set what is that maybe you're thirsty no you don't like this woman yeah yeah that's that flavor because i don't like it water is delicious and it's good for you i'm about to go actually go lay down go to sleep and wake up in the morning much better to lay down the bed with me it is i mean what's more comfortable than it is we went together and i love you but right now it's what's the best thing in the world the best thing in the world is for me to get rest and get to my appointments what do you wrestle best at i rest best in a bag at who's bed and with whose feet you wrap your feet around and whose arms you're in what makes you feel better how come you don't say that [ __ ] when you're calling me a [ __ ] or in a prostitute you don't say that then when i say that i see that when i'm very angry and i'm very fed up with people well you're angry every day well baby when when you just took that blast that makes me very angry i'm trying to be very powerful i know you're angry and i know you know what i can think about i think tight my stomach is and what my little baby is doing right now that's what i think about listen i don't give a [ __ ] okay i'm pregnant and i'm on the [ __ ] set i gotta go okay i love you i will call you in the morning she got her hair all pressed out and said i knew she was around don't do that damn yes sir you know you have [ __ ] i'm doing what i always do what chasing arnie yeah are you chasing her around i'm not chasing her at all i'm not actually having a conversation with her yo she just copped over there from what's mean like and they think you're a police you know goddamn police nobody don't know that [ __ ] though you might say what you doing you chasing 90 around man that girl ain't going what oh what's the matter because no one's trying to save you everyone gave up on you and people like email nicki would be the one to let 96 so they can rob her when she nods out baby did you get your vitamins back yet that the doctor said your blood count is supposed to be 14 and it's seven and he told her if you were to go into labor you would need a massive blood transfusion and you may not survive how many doctors appointment did we make that's the thing like in seven months we went to the doctors no my mind no don't wait your way is not it's not it's not the right way things listen to me and in seven months of pregnancy you went to a free visit twice obviously you can't do it on your own you know you put a little puppy in a little kitten and take some arsenic or some iodine and drop it in their milk which is poison what do you think that dupes is to my baby what do you think that crack is doing to my baby oh i don't want to hear it down i don't want to think about it then that's the problem because the people you surround yourself with aren't thinking about it and then you have to think about how strong was not in his body because she's never had a reprieve from doing all these hard drugs so i don't know i don't know i don't know if i'm equipped who loves you baby who love what are you crying for i'm fine go what are you crying for baby i love you what are you crying for baby you told me never give up on you right is that what you told me then tell me why you're crying i don't think this is gonna be a happy ending and um at one point i still have to determine whether or not i'm gonna be equipped to deal with a baby with so many problems and [Music] [Music] hey baby is it good you like it you see that baby i uh i got a phone call at 10 o'clock that night and he told me she went into labor uh at her sister's house who also smokes crack and he got the ambulance went to the hospital that's good for my baby when i got there they didn't allow me up to see my son born because nani decided to bring paraphernalia um with her to the hospital when she was delivering darnest wooden chair so we can all sit around and chill out basically i got no information they wouldn't tell me how it was i was worried about whether or not he's gonna withdraw whatever the symptoms what's going on it was a horrible [ __ ] experience basically they told me i was guilty by association which is a bunch of [ __ ] but life is to custody of him i mean i got through it i went back and forth to court uh went and talked to the psychiatrist uh they had these services here someone to come here five days a week but once i got custody of them i felt a lot better i i felt as though i i won where is my baby is he sleeping you're not sleeping hello bye-bye and here's the baby once i got custody of darnaz for her to be able to see him she had to be in therapy in the drug rehabilitation program and she was not if she wants help would i be willing to help her if she came to me and said help me get me into a program i'm going to do this yes i would help her but her actions speak will out in her words so uh my focus is you know i got my baby and i'm happy and i always have my babies see my sons and my children are the reason why i'm still standing here right now the reason i'm the man i am today because i've always told them to stick close stick together and that's that's what we are the gantt family or as our family that sticks together darnez is a daddy's boy he likes sweet potatoes in them like him toys a boom boom boom a boom boom boom darn ass is a daddy boy he likes sweet potatoes in them like him toys are you daddy's baby what what what that's a new thing it's this new thing what are you doing that for one two three four five six seven eight so [Music] come on that's my grandbaby right there i the ear these eyes [Music] people are like they already know my situation my dad so they like well he got to get himself together [Music] i i can't eat this it's plastic if i go and visit him like every couple of the days or if i don't hear from him for like two months i will look for him because he'll disappear how are you going this was 2012. after a while he just fell off well why don't you just talk all to do give me a chance i want a job take you i want the job dad you gotta wait until i'm wait till you're done whatever you're doing all right what's your name by 30 days yeah yeah about your weight all right all right got a green book home about the prophet muhammad rasulullah since the lamb it tells you about society social order and it tells you this right here that's not a part of our society you started going a little crazy after sick and twitch yeah i remember all the stuff yeah man see but all y'all said i was crazy but the whole thing is it took me seven years to get over at miami's death no it's not about learning you're talking nothing i'm not i'm not talking you need to get help go get your help go get your help and good come to a part of society that you can be a productive part of slide this is what the deal is just what you don't understand and i'm tired of telling you all this year your story could help the next person but it's not because what you're doing you got too much negativity that's what's wrong with the streets of camden now all this negative stuff y'all in this dump this is my third generation right here that's first set look that's first second and third generation from raymond [ __ ] chris i was a i was a drug addict for uh from the age of 14 all the way up until my 40s and you know the bad thing about it is i sold drugs in camden north all over and to turn around i breeded another [ __ ] generation of [ __ ] i watched it at night that's really [ __ ] up you don't give up because he's going to turn his life around [Music] right this is just our habit i don't want to give up on her how else can i say it sucks because i love somebody that don't love themself anybody it's like it's hard for me to focus on what i have to do is i have to completely turn cold towards nani to be able to function when he gets me what i need then i don't need to do anything i stay home and i'm with the baby and that's it i can you block out the countless men's cars when you get dates with and expect me to not give a [ __ ] about it what time is the appointment and what time 145 but he has to be bathed and dressed we got to go sorry leo [Music] because you got to remember something divers came there and divers checked up you remember they checked up on the fact that he got in the shots so i mean i'm signing they don't know who you are i'm going to say it's friend of mine my girlfriend no it's not his mom well he looks just like her oh well he's good um she doesn't brush her teeth she doesn't wash her mouth she just lives in the street so i mean the hygiene factor the germs it's not she shares someone's stand it's all that all them germs it's alive and things transfer a lot she doesn't look at it like that but i do but then it comes again but you want me to be there for the baby i'm saying that yeah but what i'm saying is is that if you don't care about that then that's scary because that's a real yeah problem for darkness it's a 145 but here we need a dental right there and right next to it come on don't kiss the baby don't you're smoking on stems he doesn't have to be such an [ __ ] he was never like that before like so mean he puts me at risk knowing i can't be around the baby and then he takes me to the doctor's knowing damn well i can't do [ __ ] like this i told him plenty of times fine somebody better than me i'm not good for you i'm poisoned for you but he doesn't listen he loves me so much he felt that if i had a baby i would calm down it didn't go good at all because i'm slow drug addicted and now i can't even you know be the mom i really want to be for him cause i'm sick of this lifestyle i'm sick of it but i'm just not ready it sounds [ __ ] for me to say i'm sick of this life but then i keep doing it like but i want to be in my baby's life so i did a whole bag of fentanyl no dude my friend said i turned blue and um she said right after she hit me i was like well this [ __ ] is good and just passed out and he's probably about to get the shots right now [Music] all right [Music] if i die i die i just don't want to go to hell [Music] [Music] friday the methadone bus comes right yeah they come in yeah they sell the bottles early in the morning so maybe we can grab a cup maybe we can grab at least like two or three and then that way i can just go home with you and the baby drink a bottle and drink half a bottle and see how it affects you yeah right back to all my head yeah and we'll try our best not to argue and if i have a little crack attack or something maybe we can smoke some weed you can smoke some weeding call today you need to do a detox i'm gonna buy you something make you uh detox your body we need that out your system but you know i can't stop smoking crackers chicken can you stop drinking liquor home sweet home i can work something out if i have five dollars like i can't do nothing with nothing at all well you have to understand something oh we just got your baby we got you a full thing of gas we gotta use cigarettes we got you something to eat you can't give me five hours i can get a bag of dough babe wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait so i'm supposed to walk around with no money in my mind no key five for you you can get your beard [ __ ] like that and i can give you back though what's up what's one bag of luke won't do for you honey i don't know baby but it'll help me from preventing action people babe baby one [ __ ] dope ain't gonna last me till tomorrow so what are you getting from here i'm gonna go make my son's bottle and then i'm gonna go see what i can get for five dollars i buy her drugs to keep her from working at the streets and i say working them she can call it hustling but basically any chick out here who's a drug addict is tripping for her drugs there's no other way darn this you want your stuff [Music] that's why his mother knew that she didn't know that much [Music] you think mommy's not thinking about my baby i both cry she said she was gonna try to get dude but she really lied she wanted that five so her buddy would give her money so she don't she don't care she don't care he said me too so being around her baby don't mean anything all she cares about is crack this is what i'm talking about i thought that she would actually kick in with the baby i thought she um i thought she would actually um i thought she would do something different he wants me to go home buys me a carton cigarettes with his uh credit card i'll go solomon's 36 hours get all the dope i need and go home well at least you got your crack see you later deuces say goodbye to your son what's the matter with you hello five dollars like come on now how much money have you given me you shared with dumb [ __ ] and they all your money you work the streets with you share it with everybody else and you [ __ ] suck at [ __ ] and all you do is take from him from the baby so you can suck that glass dick and go suck some real dick for more money get the [ __ ] away from me nani if i spit on you you get the [ __ ] away from me you nasty [ __ ] you dirty [ __ ] you stink you smell [ __ ] [ __ ] [Music] [ __ ] you [Music] you leave your baby in the car so you go sell your ass and smoke crack you dirty [ __ ] i hate you so [Music] ah sometimes i uh i feel amazed i ain't look ain't nothing ain't no any such thing as luck but sometimes i wake up like damn and he's like people ain't doing half the [ __ ] i didn't did like him right here rondell on arnett shank i know one who killed him man nikki know the lady that was going with him his son is doing time right now but i know who killed him i know himself but he ain't dead he got his tombstone my brother got murdered like i was like why the [ __ ] it ain't happening to me like he didn't deserve it he was fresh off the porch i begged that [ __ ] to happen to me i think like you ever wish death i wish for death when that happened my brother man i swear for god i wanted to be me and he can come back because i i never seen my father like that cry never seen my mother like it [ __ ] everybody's life up he included mine and couple of mine took me 14 years to cry i never got out that swamp some days i'll be like i wish i ain't wake up as soon as i touched that [ __ ] hair when it went down the door [ __ ] went down here it's [ __ ] up that's why i just want to get the [ __ ] out of here so i ain't gotta even think about it but now it's everywhere i lived in oklahoma [ __ ] was there i lived in boca raton florida [ __ ] was there i lived in [ __ ] texas the [ __ ] was there everywhere i've been the [ __ ] was there from rural to city the shit's always around you're going if it's not there you can make a phone call and it can't be there everybody deal with is doing something negative that pulls me back into this [ __ ] man and right now i need to study your time away from this [ __ ] the long vacation [Music] he doesn't even know that we're sitting here talking you know whatever he thinks that i'm out like you know sucking dick and [ __ ] i think what the [ __ ] i got nothing no drugs nobody no crack no nothing they these numbers are getting paid all [ __ ] day and what the [ __ ] do i got [ __ ] i need some [ __ ] crap iman and daryl what are we gonna do with them what are they gonna do with us what can we do i don't know i'm confused like my man is right should i choose this [ __ ] over being with my beautiful bouncing baby boy really like what's wrong with me i need my head examined is what time right now now he's sitting everyone on makeup getting ready to go hit the street like that ain't normal you know this ain't normal [ __ ] sure 24 7 chasing i did this to myself i [ __ ] myself over i know that it's just how now can i you know get better and [Music] keep stay better and you know i mean because when i have my kids i have beautiful beautiful beautiful kids and they're perfect it's just like it's just hard like when it comes down to it it's either have someone that you can trust and rely on somebody who's really there for you and really cares there's a lot of people all the time that says you know you ain't got no friends in this life and when it comes down to what the [ __ ] is the problem i'm looking for the other one that's like that oh i didn't find that i didn't see that but um it it really is good to have um give me a real like a real friend something you really can depend on no matter what and it's just hard when you're by yourself you know it's really hard when you're by yourself it really is my main goal of everything is try to get into the react hopefully both of us can go into the rehab and have it successful and come out and live a different life i miss a nut in the [ __ ] out here i'd rather be home with my baby and put my man right now [ __ ] everything else they say i put five grams of fat in on 10 grams of dew it'll make the dupe five times stronger so it would sell faster so when you just go do straight heroin it doesn't work for you doesn't get you over here you know that [ __ ] you still be sick you want to go with your all too withdrawals man and that [ __ ] is serious [ __ ] thinking about calling me the 1800 nj reach to get a bad number begin to rehab oh this is not 1-800 nj reach all right thank you one eight eight and okay oh it's been forwarded to an automatic voicemail thank you for calling we would like your opinion in a quick three-question survey welcome to america's hottest talk line thank you for calling reach nj this is my speaking how may i help you yes i'm trying to look for a rehab for my addiction for heroin guess what what i just got to detox for the mark y'all need to call you can get in nick yeah they're getting hot ain't [ __ ] sick so when you want to call nick yeah i told burger regional i did fentanyl the zhannies and the duke and he had [ __ ] for it see for burger really don't get all methadone with you no i'm not sleeping so i can go here oh no because you know i just got into uh uh uh a uh d a rehab tomorrow i gotta go be there i said all i need is your listen to what i'm support to you before you make a comment and you [ __ ] starve you to get your [ __ ] together i'm tired of being dad and grandma and grandpa and grandpa that we're all there i hope and you should great that's why you're doing it that's the only reason if not then no it's only going to start over again it's a wasted effort separate myself yeah you're right you already know that all right [Music] i want to make that mistake this time [Music] february 3rd so happens to be my birthday 48 years old homie or when someone really asks me i'll say i'm 38 i'll take 10 years old here comes this baby [Music] oh very nice he misses his mom it's obvious we can tell what you know baby you ass stop it but i'm done with it i can't do it for her i can't go no more what she right now is a zombie of a bus filled with [ __ ] bowel [ __ ] and garbage so who needs it i don't need it but i spent nine something years with her ass about let her go i'm in love with her i'm gonna let her die i'm gonna die get him get him out of here oh he's done he's you know get him out of here now lonnie boy oh there you go it's a london boy my son my dad abandoned me and my children my father has never met nine of his grandchildren my mother raised me to be the man i am today why do [Music] if i listen to my mother i'd be a lawyer and those are never but i listen to my mama certain things but in haver i bear nobody i'm not nobody with my mama the four or five [Music] [Music] number one bobo said freeze and then i got numb then i told them that i never really had a gun they were the terminator x then i told miller never really had a gun there was a determination i'm [Music] [Music] good luck with that [Music] mrg happy birthday to me whoa surprise surprise [ __ ] anything i was coming like that now did you i'm not by the way you know i'm gonna drink it why would someone touch my bottle right there the secrets you see my absolutely i don't know some right you getting fast you know yeah [Music] now i'm getting angry yeah where's my [ __ ] box on my [ __ ] table who touched it i hit it for you in the cave don't touch it i did it forgot it looked like my bottle it's my birthday i think before i wanted it she ain't buying nothing for me just had birthday but i don't i don't see a card everybody's off man no one here dad you got some money for me someone has a money honestly it's all good news i ain't worried about it i didn't drink no more music what do you want to listen to what's up no no this is my [ __ ] my dad when it's my time i know you'll tailor a new suit for me and by a new time so i [Music] did i love this [Music] smile eyes forehead everything's not me she's a tortured soul i try my best to pour out of it and show her love love didn't work i gave up [Music] son [Music] this country is destroying me like a slow death forced me to retire and unfortunately for your politics i only feel inspired to set this [ __ ] on fire when the bodies of black children were lying dead on your streets like rotting fruit dangling from southern trees raw footage of a lynch mob dressed like police and the crisis that i'm [ __ ] talking about is at your feet man we out here getting our modern day slave on if you ain't got your papers your ass better stay at home world is money hunting [ __ ] there all day long so don't talk to me about democracy or categorically digress my stress metaphorically instead of writing speeches about the way it's going to be i dare you to prove me wrong historically but whenever i look around i feel entitled to burn it down because all i see is the blood of my ancestors but in case you're reading this just know that i exist in the shadows of your political masquerade sincerely evolution made in camden murder capital usa oh okay this is it this is the spot right what this morning i gotta do this man i got too much [ __ ] grandkids kid i'm trying this [ __ ] first time you know this ain't me all right this ain't neither one of us you know you gotta go in the detox with a hot yarn so i'm gonna miss your heart [ __ ] it you need to get in the hottest urine i can [Music] [Music] [Music] man sign it yeah um all the way over right yeah you see your name and just follow it all the way over to uh the last right column of crap you should reciprocate signatures right excuse me recipients right but i sell them both things were all everything i said everything but you got to get started man here you are like leaving everything but i bet somebody don't want you to go because you was out of their friend family or or something like that like you was their hanging partner like a lot of people [Laughter] [Music] oh wow wow wow hold up you left the truck man that that's dedication buddy yo you for real i'm dead hey man pound up on that bro that's hard to do leave a good thing let's be honest it's hard to leave a good thing i'll be praying with you man iman when's the last time you used yes last night no one how many bags did you do too bad i don't want a bag of fentanyl you know what if you would have done a bag of fentanyl you'd be dead because i just put it down as an opiate well you better put four back down there all right doesn't matter just have a seat fill that out okay okay he ready for more than that [Music] when did we ever hear denis and say she's ready to go when did we ever hear her say it she must love me after all hey nelly how are you how you doing how you doing all right yeah you're doing okay a little somewhat yeah what's the best way to help you i was thinking um more so like do a detox and then maybe start like an outpatient program maybe like i just i just wanted to get off the heroine like my main goal is to just get off of the dope i'm sick of being sick every six hours every five hours like if there's something that detox me off the heroin maybe like just even be on a low dosage of methadone excuse me hi brenda hey guys why don't you come on down and come talk to us well by by all means come on down okay we'll calm down no problem all right if i'm doing what i have to do for the baby while she's getting herself treatment it's much different than her being in camden on the streets hanging with a bunch of derelicts she needs some type of therapy on top of drug rehabilitation to find herself to forgive herself or let something go so that she can be normal i feel like i'm a single dad and i'm not so we got to get rid of the affliction so she can be a mom and a wife but it's not up to me she has to do it i'm hopeful but based on my history yeah i can't be excited about it oh god it's so different i can't stand sniffing the [ __ ] it doesn't it doesn't hit me right it's like a waste all right i'm leaving i myself see that [ __ ] look at that [ __ ] and that's all from the fentanyl you know that's why when i come out i'm not touching that [ __ ] ever again i just want to get back to normal you know look normal look like my normal self [Music] yes oh [Music] no oh [Music] [Music] hey [Music] [Music] [Music] stop it [Music] good so [Music] so [Music] [Music] [Music] i said we have to get to why see if she ever opens up somebody she'll tell you how her her dad died with a knee on his arm and now why would you want to do something that's a morbid thought thanks babe i want to keep it as simple as possible because i know it's overwhelming right you just came back and you you want to get on track you know what i mean what does that look like for you and i and so i just shared with you personally that you know when i imploded um it was a deep issue and you know i you know married to my same husband for a whole lot of years but we went through a whole lot of stuff together so i like to help you where you are you got a family you've got so much to offer you still got your whole life in front of you you know what i mean i was hurt in here right so i would put that band-aid on right i was a band-aider i would be that fake [ __ ] smile right and i'll stick a band-aid on him keep running i could be so much pain on the inside right but i wouldn't let anybody know that right and then you pick the scab and you're bleeding again right what's going to stop it right maybe i'll go over here and this will stop it maybe i'll go over there and that'll stop it and i don't know how i got stuck but once i was stuck all bets are off and nothing mattered to me so i get the reality right but the bottom line was i just wasn't ready right i know this is hard i know because we wanted so much to help right i'm framing it just looking at the people that i know loved me when i was sitting right there and thinking exactly feeling exactly like you feel right now so i'm just saying here's the thing you got nothing you got nothing to lose and everything to gain one day at a time right it's going to be it's going to be rough at some points right but you know and you don't gotta you know i mean listen if i thought i could get you out of here and take you far away um i i'm not gonna lie to you i would do that because uh i know that people places and things sometimes are triggers um and being close enough to the turf is is not helpful it was it was challenging for me [Music] [Music] you know i graduated though i'm going home i'm gonna start a new regime like the trap is gonna change put it like this in three months i can have a quarter of a million dollars my mind is like like in a different zone like you know i'm saying i call the ball tonight and we out of here if we don't do this man i'll run i'll come over here you're gonna run it today that guy where you want to do it i'm gonna call you tonight i'm gonna start go home get your [ __ ] dressed man i gotta hold my [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah it's going down i'm gonna keep on and this time i mean i don't give a [ __ ] on my way if i don't make it i'm gonna die [Music] she's getting she's getting close to home you know you have a beacon coming to your home planet and you start coming alive yeah that's the demons and they were claiming to the realm so now she started to transform is that right now baby i'm in withdrawal it's thriller night it's close to midnight yeah baby make it work give me five more so i can get at least two i want to get some dinner just five more baby please what's up son i mean go go outside and see if there are other houses or if somebody could hit a transformer well you go and look and see at the nate go to the next door neighbor you look and see you we're having a power outage that happens no son they don't they don't do nothing no uh there is a date on the thing so they don't they don't come out and on a sunday uh saturday afternoon and do anything like that all right all right so all right son all right i told her to get much it was going to keep her from being sick i said get more what you need so then you can ration yourself so because they're next what she can do she can do i'm good bruh i'm good i don't need it i don't need it [Music] you put everything yeah everything's secure okay holy [ __ ] the [ __ ] town is black this is nuts the end of the world how many times you know put a couple in there the demons are following me i don't want to be on heroin anymore like i'm done i'm going to detox and then get my mind right yeah i'm going to be alive for that little boy you know he needs me [Music] nine years ago [Music] seven o'clock and we are supposed to be heading up to paramus to take donny to detox but because nani is not here nanny isn't streets of camden i had to make other arrangements for the baby [Applause] so everything we plan and hope for she's showing that it's not her intentions whatsoever now i have to turn over a new leaf i did get my hopes up i should have known better so that dream is over i just want to move on and i am i am [Music] [Music] look back one day and say this is [Music] [Music] to me it was survival it was all or nothing came to a realization i can't change anybody else i had to want to do something different so i lack left everything [Music] ryan decided that she wasn't ready to change and wasn't gonna give up for her her addiction my self-sacrifice for somebody else only tore me down so no no brother i will not miss that [ __ ] at all i'm glad that part of my life is over [Music] everything i've tried to do to find um peace and help did i work i realized that i was losing myself i hope that one day that she comes to the realization that her past is a deadly one it is a happy ending not a storybook ending but the happy ending he didn't choose his mother i did i do believe that darnell's uh not seeing his mother has an effect on he did bond with her that was something that i tried to accomplish with the hoop that he can touch her heart i'll explain to him that she had a serious disease of addiction and it consumed her he never had the love of his mother how can he miss it [Music] [Music] maybe one day you wipe the dust off my face and see me [Music] spilling between us at such a great place now i have to sing something louder than i have before so i can't escape this overwhelming pain and never heard no more [Music] [Music] the seasons are changing and supposedly i have to as well my heart is pacing and i have to pray free from your spells [Music] so i can escape this overwhelming pain and never hurt no more [Music] heart [Music] love has the power [Music]

Channel: Real Families

Views: 2,113,471

Keywords: Real families, parenting 101, parenting advice, family, full documentary, parenting documentary, tips for parents, full episodes, family documentary, Higher love, higher love documentary, higher love documentary, higher love documentary watch online, hasan oswald, drug addict pregnant, drug addict, saving my girlfriend, rescuing my girlfriend, saving from drug addicts, pregnant addict, pregnancy and drugs, award winning documentary, international film award

Id: 1Ccyoo2Yiv4

Length: 76min 32sec (4592 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 10 2022