Q&A with Karen Evans | XO South Carolina 2018

[Music] well thank you for having me there's so much light up here I can't see all the faces but y'all look great so Karen I love you you already know I love you and so the fact that we just get to talk my favorite pastor that preaches besides Jimmy so y'all heard that so a couple of things that we just want to know off the bat what what do you wish you knew before you got married to Jimmy what are some of the things you wish you knew and I think really is his personality you know he was really strong and dominant and to know how to navigate the strength of his personality and so I think it's really important for couples to not focus on the things that hurt you and that bother you about your spouse but to realize God made them that way for a purpose you know we're all unique and he created us in a certain way that when we become one as a couple there's something that God's doing that maybe we can't see but it's so important to find what that is because like my strength is more of a peacemaker I'm quiet and Jimmy's like come in and get it done and they said Shiva and I'm like achiever that's my last thing on the straight finders it's like could we just enjoy the moment here he's just like no good do this you go do this I said Jimmy stop sauce awesome you're stressing me out and so it's like you know just realizing you know the the communication of I love who you are but right now I just kind of need some space or you know so I think that's what would helped me okay but this is a question when you first got married do we have to go back that far we do but we haven't married 44 years so it's like shoes I can't remember that okay he was very very strong when you when you first met him but but as a young couple how and why were you able to stay with him when he was you're such a peacemaker but he was so dominant how did you navigate but first of all he was a jerk Moira dating people say why did you marry him so you knew you was jerk early on oh yeah so you fell in love with a jerk yes okay all right right simple you knew what you were getting into eyes wide open well there was a love there you know what there really was and we would have we had really good communication we were dating we talked about everything we had no secrets with each other everything that we had ever done her head you know happened in her childhood we knew details of her past and so and I could see his heart you know it was like the Lord showed me who you really was when we were dating and so you know that's how I stayed because I really could see this is a good person you know he wasn't a serial killer slaughtering people when when when did you start to see that change in him what what led to that change in him and God 100% and when we first got married you know I was extremely insecure in fact if you really want to know the details of my story get get the book that we have out there that we put together for me and so I was so insecure so he could easily beat me down and so he that kept happening and happening so I turned to God first and I just began to cry out to God because my heart was broken I mean he verily abused me so much and my heart was totally crushed and so but I never felt unforgiveness towards him or I wasn't mad at him I just thought God this is between me and you now because I can't change him but I you can change me and because I hated the way I was feeling I hated the way it made me feel and so I started seeking God and and he slowly started changing because of the Word of God and and that's a really long story too and so yeah so from changing me it's what started he noticed it you know he knows how I was kinder more patient I wasn't slamming the doors when I got mad and running out of the house screeching the tires out of the driveway you know I was being more patient more kind more loving and and he could he could tell so that's really what changed him so Karen I want to I want to kind of stick right there for a moment just talking about what God did in you and you dealing with that insecurity there may be many women here that feel that insecurity or feel like their voice is being silenced can you kind of unpack that a little bit more of well I still can get insecure coming up here hello I was like we were going the back side you're gonna be okay Karen like okay so but the insecurity that I had was self-hatred and if I was I was literally despised myself and and I was real real real shy like painfully shy I mean literally it was painful for me to be around new people and so you know it's just it was awful and sorry's remember you know having such self hate not liking myself and you know word I was thinking about this and we're gonna talk about this a word that was very common for me as I was growing in the Lord what's the word sin if y'all knows and you don't like to use that word anymore it's like you know we do sin and so but it's not a bad word you know the word sin is not the work that's not the problem it's your behavior that you let your flesh do that's the problem and so for me when I found out that Haiti myself was a sin because it really is any self-hatred because God made us perfect and He loves us just like we are but I couldn't believe that literally could not believe it it was like I had a stronghold in my mind that kept me from thinking that he could love me and so I just you know started going into the Word of God and the more I read the more I realized God loves me just the way I am and I don't have to change and but it was one of the hardest things I had to learn because I literally could not believe it and so finally the Word of God got in me and as you know the Word of God is seeds and those seeds get planted inside of you and it's I like to say it's like a baby you don't really know what's going on inside but life is happening and pretty soon you're gonna deliver something really beautiful and it's God doing it I mean God someone creating this creature this creation inside of you and it's the same thing with the Word of God that he took those words because I at first I didn't believe it but I I committed to reading it every day no matter what and I mean literally every day I've never not and those words kept getting in me getting in me getting in me and before you knew it I was just like I felt different so like when Jimmy would when he was being a jerk I was I found ways that I could stand up to that and I didn't feel that insecurity that hopelessness you know I was literally hopeless and my hope began to build back up I mean God started changing my heart to see you know hope if you lose hope there's we don't have anything and so you know in my heart would had been so discouraged I had no hope but he began to build that hope back in me that God can do anything anything and nothing's impossible with him and I used to just see those words and I was like God I believe it I believe it but then I get back in the relationship with Jimmy and I'm like God he's not changing even those silt know keep your hope in me Karen I can change him I can change you and change me too and in my very first scripture by the way with Psalms 51 and I read Psalms 51 that I stayed in Psalms but all the time because I love the way David recognized suffering and pain and so I stayed in Psalms the Psalms 51 created me a clean heart and I hung on to that and I said God please give me a create me a clean heart just clean my heart and my prayer has always been given me a pure heart with pure motives because we all mess up you know but it's our heart that God wants he wants her heart whether it's been and mine had been harden mine had been hardened against Jimmy it wasn't unforgiving it was just protective I'd built a shield where I would just go about the routines just you know no life just do what I need to do serve him love him but no no feelings and and definitely no love and we were going through our worst part and I just remember keeping on doing the right thing and and and and the Lord started softening my heart and you know that's one of the things that I feel like is so important for couples is you know exam the Lord says in the scriptures examine yourself you know don't examine your spouse let God and you take an examination really what's going on in your heart and if you start if you start recognizing behavior that you have been doing like the anger and bad words and being mean and just these things that just come up in marriage automatically with all of us and you and it kind of takes some time and say Lord why am i reacting this way you know why am i short why am i you know yelling and and angry and using foul language whatever you want to say and you know because that's how the Lord helps me I'll recognize I'm kind of just snippy a little you know something's leaking out that shouldn't be leaking out and so I'll tell the Lord you know we listen and heel heels begin to show me you really are hurt by this and this and this and or maybe you haven't been able to forgive something that your husband has done or your wife's done and it still hurts it's like there's a trigger point still that you're just like you know I don't want and you harden up and the the best marriages are the the husband and the wife that are willing to be honest about how you're feeling in a respectful way but let the Lord continue to work things he needs to work out of you that makes sense it makes perfect sense so if you don't know this about Jimmy and Karen they they love the Word of God and you really take time both you and Jimmy to have that quiet time with the Lord Kent can you talk about what that practically looks like to you day to day it's not just that you prayed for God to fix Jimmy or fix you you spent time in God's presence you spent time in is where you said you fell in love with the book of Psalms what does that look like for you daily and how can we get started well practically you know when I first started it it's because I was embarrassed because I didn't know I don't know how many of y'all have ever been in a group of Christians and everybody's turned their Bibles in this all marked yellow orange whatever and they know and they're just like Amen you're like huh it's just like I mean so out of embarrassment that I didn't know it when I first started you know seeking the Lord's but through Scripture and so it's like okay I know God because I've always known God was since a little girl I didn't become a Christian I was 16 and so but the I didn't know Jesus very well and so I thought you know I really need to know Jesus he probably is the most important person to really find out and and I mean I knew him and I accepted in my heart but I didn't know know him intimately and so I just made a commitment and I said lord I don't know you and I don't know if you love me but I'm committed to read your word it's a choice I made period and I just picked up that Bible every morning and I began from Genesis and I found a victory plan reading thing that made it easy where they told me which day to read what blah blah blah and I made a commitment I said I'm not gonna stop talking to the end and I'm gonna keep writing read reading it every single day even after I've done that and once you do it and stay committed and let God speak to you you'll never not do it because it does something in you that no other book could ever do I mean I think about our marriage when Jimmy and I are going through all of our stuff and all we didn't have all the resources that you have you know we just had us and the Bible and and so you know God built this whole ministry out of what he did inside of us through his word and so that's why it's so important I mean God can change any circumstance in your life if you just focus on what His Word says stay in it keep believing let God have it and the hardest part for all of us is being patient we don't want to wait we we want this answer quick we want him to behave nicely we want her to be you know a certain way quickly and God doesn't work that way he's still working on me he's still working on all of us and he's going to forever but just had that quiet time I had to find a closet and put a flashlight because I had young kids now young kids can be a problem having a quiet time and I'm an early morning person so early mornings no problems I just had to make time even earlier so I had to set my alarm to get up even earlier some of you may be that night owls and maybe after the kids in bed you have your quiet time but it's just reading and just having conversation with God it's not religious it's not legalistic because I hate those things it's just a relationship you know it's just developing a relationship with God and so so it's worth it it is worth it thank you so much for sharing that I know a lot of people come to both you and Jimmy for a lot of wisdom as it relates to marriage what are some of the common things you hear are the common things that come over come up over and over again as it relates to people's marriage isn't they want advice or wisdom or yeah well the number one thing I always like to say and I think it kind of goes back to God we need to have a healthy fear of God and respect that his what His Word says really helps us and what we see is the communication and it's like there's a breakdown of communication and I think it's worse now because of social media because we really don't know how to have face-to-face conversations without disruptions distractions and we we think we're hearing what somebody else is saying when that's not what they're saying so I think really working on communication and learning how each other speaks and what you're trying to say without being emotional or angry and then the other thing is priority my daughter-in-laws Brent's wife she had just said that one of the things that she's seeing with the girls her age and they're in their 40s is they're not prioritizing their family and their husband they will spend a lot of effort with their kids but then they go off with their friends and they're not prioritizing their husband and it is the most important thing besides that your relationship with Jesus you have to prioritize each other first more than anything else and each one of you know if you are number one or not and so you know take it take the chance and ask each other do you feel like I treat you more important and than anything else and your spouse will be honest you know don't answer and so those are things that I think are really important thank you so much we're gonna end with this question and then we'll I pray for everyone if you would be so kind but there may be some people here that are watching that may not feel that they can go on with their marriage they they don't know if it's gonna continue what encouragement would you give them I think when someone feels like they can't go on is because like I said before they've lost hope that nothing ever changes everybody you know they've done all they can do all the counseling all the and it still doesn't change and I felt that way I was that that person and I remember I just made it my priority to begin to pray like I've never prayed before that God either changed him changed me but I'll never divorce him and so you know you you can't give up on God you can your house your if you're putting all your hope and happiness in your marriage being good or if you're trying to make what your marriage looks like it's the reason you're gonna be happy there's no such thing you've got to turn to the Lord and allow him to heal you to it you'll walk through some forgiveness it could be that you you're you're really hardening because of the unforgiveness of things have happened and maybe that's why you've lost hope you know you have to have a an ability to look past where you are to what God can do and another thing I like to say and this probably is the most important is I've had relationships where I had to keep counseling them to not to divorce and like the number one thing I kept saying is you're not looking at the future because the future is where you're going to end up and you don't want to be that person because it's awful and you know if nothing else just hang in there and don't give up because God really does have something special for you but if you if you decide to leave you don't know what's gonna happen III tell friends think of your grandchildren and think of them being in a home that you're having to share to different households now of seeing your grandkids I said you're not gonna like it you're gonna hate it I said I think that the consequences of the is this really gonna be worth it to get out of this short-term pain and then look at the future what that's going to mean and I just think that sometimes if you would just let God show us things that we don't understand you know what he says his ways and his thoughts are higher than ours and you know we just have to believe things like that sometimes even if it looks impossible because he will come through for us man can we give it up for Karen that is it so would you pray for us much y'all couldn't don't want to stand up for a second don't you look like a stretch okay let's pray father God thank you so much for just blessing us with this weekend I pray father as everybody has already been prayed over I agree again with all the praise we prayers we prayed that your Holy Spirit right now would come and settle on every single couple in this room I pray father for the peace that surpasses all understanding to settle on their minds and to go into their hearts I pray for the love of Jesus Christ to overwhelm these couples in a way that they will be changed forever let them experience your perfect love so that all the fear all the hurt all the unforgiveness can be washed away and father I speak blessings on these couples I speak hope in the name of Jesus and I just asked father for your spirit of Hope to come into their hearts and encourage them that they're not alone that everybody in this room struggles that no one is exempt from the hurt and the pain and the suffering that we go through just being in relationship but father you're all about relationship and so I pray in the name of Jesus that your Holy Spirit would remind them they are one and we are one in you Lord Jesus and we are one faith one spirit and we are all here together to be become a bride for you so that when you come back for us Jesus you can say look at their marriages they were examples of who I want them to be and I just pray blessings on everything that they do for the rest this weekend in Jesus name amen come on you all give it up for Karen Evans thank you so much gain instant access to XO conferences and other dynamic marriage teachings with XO now the new on-demand video streaming subscription from XO and marriage today access XO now from all your favorite devices and enjoy world-class marriage content wherever whenever 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Channel: XO Marriage

Views: 5,868

Rating: 4.8692808 out of 5

Keywords: MarriageToday, Jimmy Evans, Dave and Ashley Willis, XO, XO Conference, XO Podcast, Marriage, Marriage Help, Counseling, Divorce, Should I get a divorce, God, Jesus, Spirit-filled, The Bible, Church, dating, weddings, wedding planning, pre-marital counseling, love, sex, communication

Id: qBVwQMkmWdM

Length: 22min 9sec (1329 seconds)

Published: Tue May 21 2019