Q&A Panel | Marriage Conference 2020

here we go if my mate does not want to visit or attend welcome but this is my place of worship how do we come to an agreement I don't want to go anywhere else in Shreveport nothing has been like welcomed I think this is a this is a legitimate question because we've had you know husbands that have come to Wogan where we've had wives that have come to welcome but their spouse is at another church and so they have to navigate through that process so what's your counselor yeah you know I'm actually thinking of case in points I remember this actually happening I remember having one our first marriage conferences and one of we had a visitor that was coming and she spoke to me afterwards and she said this is all good but I can't get my husband to come and so you know I just told her kind of what I Ellis traded earlier in the message is that you just get in the will of God where you know you're in God's will and then you pray and that's really all that you can do but if you're living out the word in front of him and he's seeing the word in action in you and maybe there's a change there's some godliness coming out of you that he's like hey were you gonna I'm getting this a church he said I'm saying then I got to go see where you're getting all this stuff well if you're going home you know and you misrepresenting Jesus and misrepresenting then you know but anyway I gave that counsel and now they've been members for years he came and now they're there they're all in so I have seen this before but but here's the thing you know in every relationship the husband's not the spiritual leader that one over like a lead balloon ladies were afraid to say men and men didn't want to say men but it's just true it not not everybody's on the same spiritual level and the same level of maturity and I know plenty of plenty of men that came along later their wives we accepted Christ first they were stronger with the Lord first and they they were you know more the spiritual giant in the relationship early on and so in this case I would say okay is he in church at all because if you're attending Word of God faithfully but your husband says hey I'm not going there well where is he going is he going anywhere because if he's not going anywhere then that's a poor argument on I'm not gonna go there we're not you're not going anywhere and you know if he's spiritually leading in the home and you can see the fruit of the Spirit and his walk with God and you feel like the Lord has called you here then you know then I think he's you step into a decision say hey honey I want to honor you and I really want to be at Word of God do I have your blessing to attend word of God and if he's spiritually leading the home and he's faithful to the Lord and he's faithful to his church and he gives you that blessing then now your honor in the Lord and your honor and your husband by being here but I think it goes back to where is that individual where is that husband hat and if he hadn't come you know there prayerfully the opportunity for him to come and if you went ate a good restaurant and you liked it would he not go to see ya that's good I was no we had another couple to couple that's coming up here actually they were telling us that they originally had a deal where he agreed maybe he'd come once a month yeah so I think that's something good - a good compromise if hey honey you know I'll go to the serve the church you're going to maybe once a month how about you come to where I'm going once a month and then you see what the Lord does in that because you know if you're getting the truth there and they're not getting the truth at the other church or you know the truth is going to convict and the Word of God is going to lead and so you just wait and see and maybe the Lord will bring you to in an agreement of where you're attending because you're both compromising a little bit a little bit yeah and if you go there and you're grow in there and you like that church and God's moving there I mean we're not out trying to get everybody here at word of God we want you in the will of God wherever the will of God is that might be up the street down the street where's the will of God I want every church in this city to thrive I want every Church in this city to be blowing up and have 50 baptisms of a week you know that's what that's what we want and it's amazing though I forgot about that that the couple that's coming up here a minute that that was the deal I'll go once a month and now here every service serves faithfully now part of the marriage conference so hey next year your husband be on the panel praise the Lord next question all right next one how do we stay connected and grow closer in God after being married for 12 years with kids money struggles and being laid off a lot of that sounds like legitimate I think all of us get to a place how do we stay connected after we've been married for so long and especially when you have young children and they just demand so much of your time and energy and and work how do you stay connected you putting that one on me too I mean yeah that's the question sake okay well you have to be intentional about date night you have to be intentional about making time for one another it because and we know this because we we have four kids three or which now are teenagers and you have they serve on the worship team for one student ministries they're involved at the school they're involved in athletics we had one in basketball one in track another one in the elementary basketball now she just got involved with softball and so by the time you run all this carpool and picking up in practice and then you know what are we gonna eat grab food I mean and then we do ministry and then we have marriage I mean it gets to be a lot and we would have an excuse any day to or any week not to have a date night not to make time for each other but the highlight of my day every day is is that night when we get together in the the day is behind us but you have to be intentional because your schedule is not going to just let it happen you've got to make it happen and so you got to be very intentional about no we're going to have date night because I have talked to couples that have gone weeks months that could even tell me the last time they had a date and so you're gonna have to be intentional because the health of your home is gonna come from the health of your relationship and it's not just going to happen and nobody's going to make it happen you've got to make it happen and then also I would say too that it was that the couple that was going through that yeah it's a couple wanting to stay connected after they've been married 12 years and you know many struggles wife kids yeah and see if you don't date you don't remind you don't remind yourselves of why you got together in the first place that's really good I think for us when I am at home and you know doing work things or tending to the children I'm in a different mode you know mother mode is very much different than the mode we were in when we started dating and so to switch off of the mother of our kids and meeting everybody's needs back to the woman that he married and we fell in love you know I kind of have to be able to get away from that environment where I'm Mama and so and then I can be I can be fun and I can be you know we can be competitive and I can be chewing something that that so if you know having fun together but and even if it's not because I know financially people can't always afford a babysitter you know and so what you mentioned about finding some another couple maybe that you can rotate with that's a benefit of being in church and getting involved and getting to know families and learning who you can trust with your children and then you work that out I'm just believing God there provide for that but even if it's like okay right now we can only do it once a month we can only get away once a month if you can just pick a day and put it on the calendar three weeks from now that honey me and you are gonna have this time together and it's maybe three weeks away but let me tell you something it's like this glimmer of hope you know and you can just get through the next three weeks cuz you know you're gonna have some time alone together and do something fun I think this I'm getting off at this a little bit but oh especially if you're going through a hard time life's hard you know been laid off you just just life and things are struggling maybe your marriage is struggling you're not agreeing on stuff it feels like you're arguing all the time I feel like for us when we've gone through seasons like that because everybody goes through seasons like that when we could just make a decision to do something fun together okay we're not gonna talk about anything because we keep arguing so we're just gonna play Scrabble and I'm gonna beat you or we're gonna do you know whatever it is just find something fun to do together gets twenty minutes that's the way we do we play a game in winter guess 20 minutes whatever they want whatever they want I'm gonna tell you something that's great you will try to win every single time so play something you can win but anyway but just doing something that's fun and makes you laugh it kind of rekindles because this person that you're so mad at and just again you're laughing even like oh that's right now live I love this person you know recently we I don't know what happened but we were we were planning a getaway in it we didn't get to get away we really had planned but what we've done like recently we went over to Jefferson Texas and stayed at a bed-and-breakfast one night we went down to the boardwalk and stayed overnight there and man we just walked around and ate we had them we had we had so much fun we had a good time we were right here you know we're walking to the ball hey passing like whoo but we did we just got away we had somebody comes to hit the house and kept the kids and so you know you have to find something where you can invest in each other something that Christian I now do for couples in our lives that we've done randomly we need to do it consistently cuz it's such a good gift is to give massage tables as wedding gifts that is a wonderful gift is to put a massage table up in your bedroom dim the lights we don't even take it down no more it's just up all the time right there at the foot of the bed I'm letting y'all up in our business like a massage right who in here wouldn't want a massage tonight come on somebody help me yeah $180 on Amazon get you one that's what we should have gave away okay next year is our thing all right next question how can you meet the needs of your spouse at times when you are physically and mentally depleted that is a good thing you covered that in the message a little bit yeah but I would add to that is and I did but but I would add to that is that you know you have to take care of you it may sound selfish but it's like if Christy wants to do something or she's involved in a thing or if they go and you know her and some ladies from the church whatever go like y'all go paint things and you might do a girls trip whatever I'm all for that cuz she's gonna come back refreshed and that's that's good for me so so Vaughn girl here's my credit card cuz it's gonna be beneficial to me that she has that this may sound silly but I'm being very real and I know mr. Euler Oh same into this cuz he and I we've talked in and he's mentioned this when we were together that for me I go home when I go home I take a shower I'm dirty nah I take a shower washing the day off and man I get home I go take me I would be dirty I'll just take a shower and I process okay that I just I'm fresh now this is Brandon kids come home from school the evening has what it has but but it's brand-new and so I have to go through a process where I'm mentally taking off whatever got on me during the day that way I'm fresh and I don't carry all the weight and the drama of the day and and dump it on Chris here on the kids so whatever you got to do whether it's you know go run your bath and say hey I'm locking the doors I'll be out in 45 minutes you know it likes you some candles and just set up in there pray Jesus you know whatever you got to do but you have to do something for yourself to refresh yourself and just add to that I think there's been times that as a wife and a mother to kids and work in and serving at the school and you know serving in ministry there was a time that I was really really involved in all of those things and what I found is I was getting really depleted and I think you have to look at your marriage into the individually and everybody's marriage is different and what you can bear in the capacity that you have and we can't compare that to it well they can handle all of this and it's fun because I know that there's there's people here that are served both in ministry full-time and they're going all the time and they have a blessed and prosperous marriage and they're able to support each other but I know for us in that season there was things that in my life and the load that I was bearing that was very depleting for me and I have a husband that serves as a pastor of a church and pastoring is very depleting and so when I would go through things he would be going through things and he didn't have a lot to offer me because he himself was so depleted and so I would get frustrated thinking well I need I need him to fill me up because I'm depleted and he was thinking I need her to fill me up because you know I'm depleted and so it just it wasn't healthy for us and so what I came to a conclusion was that in this season of my life I've got to make some changes and so there were some things that I pulled out of and I know it's just a season like I'm not forever gonna be you know at home just doing kid things and family things but I want my family healthy and I want our kids to be raised in a healthy home and I do not want them growing up resenting ministry because their parents were so empty and depleted all the time and so I so I just did my life and yeah I don't get to say hey I do this and I do this and I do this I don't get to say that anymore and I kind of took some pride in all of that but now I think I don't I'm not as depleted as I was and I can I can be the wife and mother that God's called me to be in this season and then when this season changes then I get to do new things and more things and so I think it's adjusting to the season and in priority and prioritizing you know what what do I really need to be doing and what do I not yeah you have to structure your life because you have to think about your life and and what you're spending money on and what you're buying and the house and the car and where you want to live and say okay is this gonna require two incomes and if so for how long and are we gonna structure our life on this kind of financial demand and maybe there's some changes you have to make to say hey if we live this life then we both won't be working you know forty hours a week and so you have to really think about the whole bigger picture of what are you gonna prioritize you know because you don't want to get into a life that's demanding two incomes and then that's where you are right now and then you leave the conference night and say hey Pastor Chris you said right I'm quitting my job like no you ain't cuz you got a car note you know so so you have to you have to think about how you're structuring your whole life what you're saying yes to financially what you're committing to as far as sports and extracurricular activities and all these clubs you have to look at the whole picture and say okay how can i prioritize life so that we still have a Sabbath because that is that is a commandment that we're supposed to still honor and we need that that's AB at that time of rest we need the table experience around the home and so if you're saying yes to a whole lot of things for the sake of family but it's your family that's on the altar then are you really doing it for family so you have to prioritize there's there's a verse and I'm gonna say like half of it messed up so you can correct me but it says better is a hat as a hain't one hand full with quietness then two handfuls with whatever do ya but whatever it is it's like basically it's better to have just one one handful of stress yes it's like anxiety or stress but it is it literally says that but it's better to have one handful and have quietness than to have two handfuls and have you know stress and anxiety over exactly maybe next time should I married a preacher all right moving on as a husband and wife of a blended family how can we come into agreement about what we will or won't do for our children because our upbringing and parenting styles are so different oh that's a good question that is really a good lesson good questions I mean all right so you have to decide what is the culture of your home and I know there are a lot of families where because of broken you know marriages relationships where you know the kids are here this week or every other week you have to decide what is the culture of our home and we're not going to change the culture of our home because our kids live half the time in a different culture know the culture of your home needs to be the culture of your home whether it's your children or someone coming to stay the night or a cousin or a nephew or a stepchild it doesn't matter this is the culture of our home this is the way we do home here this is our domain and you as a husband and wife have to decide what are the convictions that are gonna guide this home and whoever steps into this home is going to respect this this is our culture and if it's you know the stepmom for an example that saying hey our culture and our convictions are being violated and you know and then the dad is not doing anything he's got to own that and say okay these are my children from a previous marriage what-have-you and I'm not I'm not going to allow the conviction of our home to be compromised and I'm not gonna put the burden on their stepmother to be the bad person in this I'm gonna be the one to step up and say no this is this is the order of our home this is the way we do life here here's our convictions and eventually once you establish that and it and it's it's not compromised and there's agreement between the husband and a wife everybody that comes in your house is going to respect that it you know they might test it a time or two but eventually they're gonna realize oh we're going over there it's this way and they're gonna know where they are and they're actually going to appreciate that because I found and something we've seen in ministry kids tend to respect you more when they know where things stand there versus what's allowed is based on what mood she's in see if what's allowed in your home swings with moods then your children just keep testing it based on the mood but if the conviction of your home stays the same always then they then they know what to expect and it's safe and it's healthy and and you always reinforce the other as far as the parent when that comes but you establish the conviction of your home and no matter who walks on that out this is the conviction of my house all right my spouse has an ex and he and the ex have a child together how they're asking how do they handle because the one spouse feels like the other spouse caters to the other ex's demands because they have a child together and this spouse is saying but I feel like the ex's spouse the spouses ex okay it's taking it's taking advantage yeah so how do you navigate that does that make sense yeah did I lose everybody on that question I think I got the question okay so hopefully again I would say to that and that's a deep topic that that and these questions really have just opened my mind up like I could do some series on this stuff but what I would what I would say to that is there has to be transparency so you know the the process of parenting your child who's you know with your ex that whole dialogue that whole process there's gonna have to be transparency between you your ex and your spouse that you're married to they can't be getting information secondhand they can't find out stuff from your ex that they didn't get from you and they sure can't read about it on Facebook so there's got to be transparency because there's no trust when there's no transparency and I think when it comes to the raising of that child you're to be commended that you're not abandoning that child just because you're separated or divorced because until that child reaches the level of maturity they're still you're still responsible for them and preferably your spouse understands that that child that's over here with my ex is still my child so I have to be a part of their life and I think if you're being transparent with your spouse and how your parenting and how the conversations are going and you're receiving counsel and you're getting to make this decision together and there's a respect and there's a transparency all goes well what goes south is when all this stuff gets done over here on the side and all these conversations are happening and then you went to go pick him up but then you know you've got back three hours later what happened we had to talk about this and all that no no no it's drama that's drama there needs to be complete transparency and your your your spouse needs to be involved in that process if that means hey when I go over to pick up little Johnny you're going with me and and there's just always transparency there's no trust when there's no transparency it's good word all right we've got time for just a couple more questions this one is I've caused a lot of hurt in my marriage and they offer like my spouse's actions towards me are rude what's a Great Spirit feeding scripture to help build back trust into my marriage all right so you read the question make sure I understand it so this individual caused some hurt in their marriage right now they feel like their spouse is being rude toward them because of the hurt that they caused and they want to know what Scripture they can stand on to to build trust obviously there's been trust lost relationship well if Trust is lost I mean yeah there's Scripture that you need to get to but that scripture needs to be for you it's not something you just claim over what you brought so it's not a matter of Lord you said it's a matter of Lord you said let me comply so what you lost you've got to work to gain back so if you've depleted the trust account you've got to redeposit back into the trust account there's not going to be necessarily a quick fix to this or a scripture that you can claim or quote are or anything like that you've got to regain what you lost and that means you cannot be patient that means you're gonna have to be consistent and say I am determined to win back your trust I'm gonna be so transparent with you if I stop by circle-k on the way home you're gonna talk to the clerk I mean I'm gonna just be I'm gonna be sold with you in my life that you're gonna know that I am serious about gaining back your trust and so you have to take that burden that I did this therefore I've got to undo this will God show grace yes can he show favor absolutely and will the Lord by his Spirit change your spouse's heart I believe completely he will but you've got to own what you did and be willing to gain back what you lost that's good and I think you know let's just say this is it for instance infidelity and you're trying to gain back trust I think one of the big things is this person's artist acknowledging that I've caused a lot of hurt and I think in that position you have to realize that what you did broke your spouse so you're now dealing with somebody that's broken and you know brokenness takes time to heal but if you can see that and see that their rudeness is probably not coming out of a place that I'm just gonna hate you but it's coming out of a place of brokenness still and that's just evidence of the brokenness and so if I would recommend just really pray in over your spouse to God like just and just God changed my heart towards my spouse helped me you know the areas of their their life that's now broken god I just pray that you would begin to heal them the price is where they don't think that they are worthy or a value just begin praying and God's gonna give you a heart of compassion towards your spouse and I think even that when we pray for somebody we are we the love in our heart kind of for that person grows and I think your spouse is gonna sense that and in Tom that God's going to heal that all right one more you want to pick the last one no you're doing good really because there's so many and I want to pick the one that you really want to cover you're on the second card out of three all right I got one okay all right okay when she says she does not want anything for Valentine's Day does that really mean she doesn't want anything or should I still get her something all right I'm gonna do something I probably should not do then you can fix it all right it's probably I need I need to know the tone they don't say anything if you ask question I need the tone of that question just like a text and I can't get the tone out of it I need the tone like like what is it like no no don't get me nothing for Valentine's Day see because if it's a tone in it then it's me it means there was something you were supposed to have already got me that you didn't and don't think getting me a gift for Valentine's Day is gonna fix this so so it's almost like I want to stop you if you think this is gonna do something or change something see it's based on the tone or if it's oh maybe you know I know I know you love me you don't have to give me none for Valentine's Day see if it's that get something for Valentine's Day hey I think either way you get something either way you get something you better bring her a box of candy or something please but especially not this question got asked for the whole world yeah you gotta come over but if it came with the tone you need to find out what what she's really wanting that's right yeah because the flowers or the chocolates it's still not what she's really won but you still got to get him but you need to find out what she's really want because she's trying to let you know there's something bigger that I really want yeah the tone is revealing something else is there not even about Valentine's Day we just we just helped a whole bunch of men right there women aren't you excited about that answer right there I love that question all right I don't like Valentine's Day I mean I just I think it's you know it puts man under pressure do you know what happens at CVS and Walgreens on Valentine's Day you can't even get in there it's like the pressure of I have to do something so what I do and I'm free from this because what I do is I do with my daddy always there for my mom she all he always brought my mama home I want him heart boxes of chocolates and you love chocolates so every Valentine's Day I just come home with a box of chocolates my four is go well alright well guys thank you for your question if I don't know why it's that funny um like a like a box of chocolates we are gonna move on because we have an amazing couple that we want to join us and do you have anything you want to do how do you wanna introduce this beautiful wonderful couple they're just absolutely amazing and they have an amazing back story but they can share it so let's just get him up here all right guys y'all welcome Terrance and Danitra Jefferson and she is pregnant in case you're wondering you know you never asked that question to a woman well welcome we are glad that you guys are here and just the testimony that you guys have in your marriage we want to hear a little bit about where you all came from maybe the start of your relationship a little bit what look what that looked like because I think it's important for people to see that you know not everybody started in an ideal situation right I mean people go through through things and I think if we can hear the testimony of other people that have been through real life and real problems but we've seen them up we see them on the other side of it it gives us hope in our marriage so share a little bit about what the Lord's done in in y'all's marriage can I jump in before they say this I'm so excited about hear from you guys I mean I am excited about this because I just know enough about their backstory and just love them enough to know I'm like ringside I mean I'm like courtside I mean come on this is an amazing couple can we give them another hand clap but this isn't this is a beautiful powerful couple that God has planted in our lives in this ministry so I'm excited go ahead well um we met of course I got the girl of my dreams I feel just like you feel I got the girl of my dreams I always wanted to uh to marry a cheerleader I play ball at home you know I didn't know that I was getting a cheerleader or dancer singer I didn't know I'll get no let you know that's how God does things but but um we met as I played a arena football I play for the bogus report by the ones which I know about them battling yeah all right I think we have a picture the breaking bad picture they bring her back on the try to go back out there no babies at home so we met um while playing on you know my second year is actually my second year at the boat repo battling's and I remember she got on this truck we were at a Christmas parade Wow we met at a Christmas parade out of Christ am a celebration about Christ we it was getting ready for the upcoming year and we would do these autograph signings and I had been praying for about a year and a half I've been praying for a beautiful god-fearing wife I was young in the face but that's all I knew I know I need to get out them streets so i said lord please bless me with a beautiful god-fearing wife and I remember praying the prayer and then actually looking in in the word and realizing that it was proverbs 31 and 10 so she got on the back of this truck this particular autograph-signing and we were gonna ride around the CenturyLink with a ride around the CenturyLink and we're gonna throw some some B's throw some candy my mom was at that time - yeah taking pictures we got that we look at that picture today mama bless you so we we were on the back of his truck and she got on the truck and I said lord I think that's the woman caught you say I said I think that's the warrant so I was talking with a another young lady she was I she wasn't she was neutral so as I was talking to her I begin to look at nature and I said man Lord I think this to make a long story short we were on the computer which I'll know about that myspace computer let that compute my place so I was already friends with Tiffany and about a month had passed a month or two we were getting ready for another promotion so I said man I really miss girl I think that's the wood so I said let me see if she's friends with with with Tiffany and I remember looking down Tiffany's friends and I know I'm looking for a picture of her I'm looking for a profile picture oh there she go and instead of her name saying Danitra it it said becoming more beautiful in God's eyes and I have been praying for a beautiful god-fearing wife about a year and a half I'm saying I said chills ran up a up my spine I said Lord that's the one and here we are 10 years later three babies later the better stop at the soy version hey the rest is history it reminds me so much of my own testimony with Chrissy but but Timnath is so you you knew enough of the Lord at the time I mean you had a relationship with well both of you were saved and you had a knowledge I don't know how you know were you just believers we're your disciples I'm strong with you were you and your faith so when you came together and you got married what's changed from the time that you got married over these last 10 years what what what have you gone through in marriage I mean here you are praying Lord give me you know a beautiful god-fearing woman and then she her profile name is is beautiful in God's eyes Lydia and so you come together like okay this is a match made in heaven and you come together as it been ten years of she's beautiful in God's eyes and she's the one then you still got the chills down the spine I mean it has all that been consistent for ten years or has there been a process that you've gone through because I think all of us can relate to the excitement when we first came together but has there been a hiccup oh you know it's been a hiccup loaded questions well loaded question well you know we still get the chills I still get the chills but it's definitely been seasons that we that we've gone in and out of and she still as beautiful that day and in my so definitely your seasons have changed and it hadn't been all it had been just a bit of roses so you said earlier this week past that marriage is not to make you happy necessarily you we get to be happy but it's it's about becoming holy so my wife kind of expounded and if she wants to talk about them season a little bit I believe that those seasons are some of the things that shaped us into just the believers that we became the disciples that we became because when we got married I mean we both had expectations which you talked about and those expectations were not realistic so he came into the marriage with his idea of you know what a wife was I came in you know with what my thoughts were on what a husband was and I mean the hiccups that we've gone through we went through a period of actually separation when we came to this church I came first and we were separated at the time and I'm thinking this is my chance to you know go visit word of God so I did and I did ask his permission I asked I told my pastor at the time that I will be visiting and it was just a season where the Lord really dealt with where your needs are met just on basic levels and then through that that's when he made the promise after we reconciled three months into separation that he would try to visit me visit with me at word of God at least once a month which anybody who knows him that's just funny because he's here all three services he's you know here all the time but the Lord really just dealt with us because when I came here I was offended I was angry we were done we were headed for divorce and the Lord really showed us well the way that the Lord dealt with me was that I had a part you know regardless of how we got there regardless of how difficult it was I had a part was I praying for my husband did I have my head in the clouds how serious did I take my marriage you know when I walked into it thinking about white picket fences I wasn't thinking about prayer and I wasn't thinking about the attack of the enemy and so those are some of the areas that we found ourself in that we have just grown immensely I oftentimes wonder if the enemy sometimes thinks like I should have just left them alone I should just let them keep on going the way that they were going because when things got real that's when God really became regal I mean for me what would you say those unrealistic expectations were and did they contribute to y'all separating was it let hey he's not meeting what I thought I'm a man should should bring and she's not meeting my needs I mean was it was it the expectations that you think that led you to that place where you thought you're gonna be divorced I mean and what were those expectations well you know you've already dealt with it man I am fool winds at 9:30 I'm are you already out with it but I but I'll talk about a little bit definitely um like she says we were offended at one another and just realizing that that the hardness of the heart is is really what gives way for that for that thing to happen but yeah we had expectations that were just they were not they weren't realistic we brought in a lot of baggage we brought in a lot of religion we brought in you know what what has been passed down to us and you know a lot of a lot of people today in marriage you know that's what we're we're dealing with we're dealing with what was handed to us and we didn't have a clear-cut picture of what it's supposed to look like you know we brought in tradition and you know we ran with those and we didn't happen in the way that we thought the tradition said that it should happen and then we got offended so definitely the traditions and the unrealistic expectations not realizing that our source that regardless of what she got going on I just need to get myself line up with the will of God and I think about it like this this has come to me um you know what if we didn't just play the role but what if we really got hit in the road and I can use Church in that and that message like what we came to church and you know we came on a obligation religious obligation we didn't come in and get into worship we didn't really take the word outside the four walls well you think about marriage what if what if so they're just playing marriage you know what if I really get into that thing you know so so we get into it in my house I'm I'm a priest man I'm a fool out priests that's why I come up here and do what I do in front of the altar because I don't just play the role I'm in the role I'm a priest of the home and when you talk about a priest of the home you got to look at the high priest you got to look at what Jesus did he's a poor not offering I'm a drink offering my whole responsibility is to make sure that my wife is a fruitful vine by the size of my house well what is the food profile look like my whole responsibility deals with me making sure and steward in her making sure that she is a fruitful vine that she's productive and you can see right now we're very so she's she's a watchman on the wall she's a doorkeeper she's she's the husbandman of the vineyard she's my virtuous woman she's she's checking all that for you coming in at door and if it ain't right she discerning our linen you can't come in the dough that's that's what she do she's my prayer partner my children that I love plants around about the table that's that's they at the table and you got two thousand-year-old olive trees still in Jerusalem pumping out olive why's that because they got deep roots and what we're doing at our table the stuff is deep its deep rooted and anybody who's not really down with it we have a conviction we're gonna run with that conviction and that's what it is we not just play in it we're doing it all in I wanna speak to something because I remember a time in our marriage where I felt like I was ahead of him spiritually I'll say I felt like well I get it and he doesn't get it and that brought a lot of conflict for us because we were in a traditional church setting he was like a son of the house so he preached so I held a fence against him because I thought I had him on a pedestal when we got married I felt like you're supposed to be perfect because you're in this role doing this you know in church and you're supposed to be perfect and so I just remember you know holding that against him and having to realize that he was a human that he lived and breathed just like I did and I just remember times where I felt like well you know I'm leading us and I'm praying and I'm doing all these things and it's like I just feel like now he leaves me in the dust like he's like my like I go to him and I'm like what was that scripture or but it's God it's it's the transition of allowing the Lord to lead and guide us and then allowing him to write the script on how we treat each other how we move forward in things you know how we honor one another and so if and I'm just speaking to couples out there where maybe you feel as a wife because I know it's common you know maybe you feel like you're your investment is higher or your investment is heavier but God can transform anybody because now I mean some people might complain about their spouse having their cell phone all the time well for him I'm if we're out to eat I'm like can you put your Bible down for five minutes it's not the cell phone it's the Bible you know that the Lord transformed him and a part of that came from the hard times that we had in marriage when he did a new thing in us he did one hundred percent a new thing we got two brand new people and a brand new family out of what we walked through I think we have a picture of their family won't we want you to see their two other children where the Lord has brought them from and to precious but to go from being separated and thinking that you're heading to divorce to being where now where you're the priest man of priests of the home and you're the Watchmen on the wall of the home and you have your roles and y'all are in love that's beautiful now I will say there's something that you told us about that y'all have like a family mission statement is that right it's almost a little bit about that and what that means to you and and why you have that well we look at you know the blessing of God you know I really like and everything that we have going on it will gum and vulgar - I just see what God was saying when he told Abraham that you know because you command your whole family to follow the statutes you know you're gonna be blessed so all the ends of the earth and you're gonna be blessed to be a blessing and we follow we follow that that mold so what we decided to do is we have a family mission statement is to show God's love to others and to be the light of the world to our generation it's kind of trying to make it simple for the children so they can catch it because you know one day mom and dad not gonna be here so we have to make sure that they get this word it's all about their word so they have core values that they're responsible they know the core values is love integrity and purity and we're just wanting to we're running this thing like a fortune 500 company because we feel that honored that God would see fit to give us see and and we're gonna be done but but we want the legacy to go on so I mean everything is about the core values everything is about the mission statement everything is about just preparing them the table the home that we have it's a training ground so our whole thought process is we're going out and we're going we're coming in and my whole thought process I'm going out but I'm trying to get back to the table I'm always trying to get back to the table because in the table I can look in the children's eyes we can we can we can discuss we can have dialogue we can shut a word we got memory verses we got we got a game that we play and I encourage I get silly with your kids get silly with your kids I love being a goofball with my kids so we got a game that we play in the game it's called no one can save you now so we've been playing it for a long time so I buss up in the room nobody can save you now and what they have to do it they have to recite Scripture your recite Scripture I jump on your tickle you and they kick and no one can save you they give me some old scriptures I keep on coming I need some new word so everything is about training direction yes sir amen hey we need to do that in church not get like Henry and you some other guys and I can say that got us going tack right till the members put spit word out booth let have some word that has a word you know you know a couple of years ago I had a friend of mine that gave me a book and the book was called all-in and I was I was looking at this book and and I don't do a whole lot of reading I read the word I'll read a whole lot of books and and it and I remember started reading this book because he had shared a testimony and immediately I think I was in the first chapter the Lord putting you in my heart you may remember this and so I've decided what next service I'm gonna give you that book and so I remember coming in I walked over there where you were and I and and I gave you that book and I don't know how long you guys had been here at that point but you just looked to me from what I had come to know from you that you were all in and and the reason I bring this up for everyone here I said this family right here does the book it's like everything that's preached everything they learn in the word everything they hear and they receive they're all in there kids are at word of god Academy and and I'd be willing to say that you know when you first put them there you know you might not have been in a place where they've been some transitions y'all been through that I know about that might not have been an easy decision with what you had going on your career and and all I mean that I'm sure the enemy was saying you can't do this but I don't know if I know of a couple that's more all-in than the two of you because you were literally just all-in I remember you sharing a testimony with me once when we had done the series on the table and just how serious y'all took that in your home that we're going to have a table experience with our family and the reason I'm saying this is because things don't just happen isaiah 55:11 says my words shall not return unto me void and when we start taking God at His Word and the way we do marriage and the way we do family and the way we do our life this is the fruit this is the result and you guys are just living evidence of what happens when you do the book and I honestly believe that we've only just begun to see what God is gonna do with the Jeffersons I have no doubt about that just because of how serious and how committed you are to the Word of God so what happens was it intentional was it because you just came and you started getting in the world what clicked for the two of you when you decided we're gonna be do da B oh okay Christians do the book what happened I think that it started again with what we walked through with our marriage I can remember a time where I decided to fast and I decided to begin taking God at His Word and one of the things that I did was I sewed into Terrance even though at that point I didn't feel like he deserved me sewing into him so the analogy that you give about you can't fight you know darkness with darkness you can't bring evil to evil and then expect to have a different outcome so it was a time where when we were separated his position was you know I just I don't feel the love and you know don't think we're gonna make it and so I've decided okay so if that's your attitude I am going to pour love all over this situation I'm not gonna be rude I'm not gonna be ugly ugly or angry even though I was so everything that I poured into him it was just 100 percent love I mean at will at a certain point he just was like you know well did you put something in my food you know but I think it was small things that we either along the way have believed God for like you mentioned even with the table at that time we were gathering around a Mickey Mouse activity table later on in the marriage and wait a minute you can't just say something like that and run over so when we're ministering on the table you made your table your table at the time was a Mickey Mouse table vinyl top Mickey Mouse red and blue with the two little metal chairs like the a table that that's the only table that we had in the house at the time we were probably about that was about maybe a year or so after the reconciliation and that was literally the only table that we had in our apartment at the time so that's what we gathered around I said on the couch the kids said in the metal chairs and Terence said in like my old college chair than we had in the house and that was our table and when we did that faithfully by the time we bought our home there were three tables we didn't have room enough for all of the tables that guy see what I'm saying just instead of making excuse you took what you had and and did what the Word of God said I love these guys right here man you guys excite me I actually scream that uh I think you came I think you came to his home before they were we needed that word we you know people come and we came at a time that was in other words always relevant but to be able to come during the time up offense and just learning about that it seemed like you know the whole like like you walking we think you have our home bugs but if you don't want to get better you know it there been people that we we've seen come and go you know in it's nothing it's the word we can't give credit to anything else but it's the word so we were hungry for the word so she's at the Debbie Tigers you know the gathering here you know and I'm at home streaming them I'm at home with the keys that I was - oh I was leaving on my in - okay lot of nuggets that we still you know our plan right now it's just amazing what God did with that tape but that's just one thing and God can do that for anybody you know there's no secret what God can do well he's none funds he'll do for you I think in marriage a lot of times we look we want we want a feeling we think that marriage is about a feeling you know f e e l ing but it's about a feeling mi ll ing that is the only way you can do marriage with the Spirit of God the only way amen well we have one image I've seen an image of you guys and it's like a crisp so I think I really want y'all to tell us a little bit about this crest because I've seen like crests for colleges and schools and things like that but this is like is this like a family crest or tell us a little bit about this yes so this is um the Jefferson family crest and we have love integrity and purity which are the core values that we live by we've added responsibility I just haven't figured out a way to fit it in there yet but each icon tells a story just of who we are as a family and the reason why we created this was because we want our children to have an identity that comes from us we don't want their identity to come from the world we don't want their identity to come from maybe tradition or things that are piped through the bloodline we want them to know who they are who we say they are and that's who God has told us so we've found things in our history that we struggle with I think Terence has always grown up with just affection that's something that I had to learn on the back end so we've included love there we have probably I don't know maybe everybody struggles with a lack of integrity somewhere but that's something that's very important to us that we want to walk in integrity we want our children to walk in integrity and then just purity I think that you know when you are raised like the longest the shortest shorts that I think I could wear when I was growing up they probably had to come to my ankle okay the shortest shorts okay and so I appreciated the the I guess what was poured into me but I never understood why I didn't understand until I was an adult why it was important and I didn't understand well it's not about what i'm wearing it could be about the gossin across from me that has a problem with looking you know and so we just wanted to be able to educate our children from maybe some places that they might naturally struggle with because of areas that we struggle with and so that's initially where a lot of those images came from and Terence can allude to some of the scripture that we have up there well we know John 13:34 Jesus is talking about showing love you know how how are we gonna how are we gonna know that we're he is you know you say except you love one another so we definitely want to rid the kids up in love God is love so we just want to pour love we want them to know that they're in love I'm with you we be at the housei I love you I love you I love you I I know you said you love but I love you and it's just such a feeling because I didn't have my biological dad in the home with me so you know I didn't I didn't grow up you know here my biological dad saying to me hey man I love you champ I love you you know so we definitely want to pour love in them you know that is the foundation and integrity it won't stop cheating on them Texas integrity is big for everybody if we can walk integrity the Bible says that man is blessed he had his children so definitely um you know one walk in integrity and impurity is something that's just you know there's not enough there's not enough who wrong about you know walking in period the Bible says that we shall we need to abstain from all appearances of evil and I've learned you know in this marriage season that I'll understand I don't know what's going on the sports world you know I really don't know but I realized that sports basketball football that was an idol you know that was an I know that that was idolatry that that was that's that was my iniquity you know so I had to look at it like that and some of the things are deep but as much as the word wants to take us we want to go deeper and win so we come up with a family mission statement or a crest or seal and we just make it fun and the children love it they love it so it's living about wow you leaving me in the dust man I don't have a family Chris oh you got so much stuff you're not going home at night when we get through it I massage and drop it man - Chris I can guarantee you that will not have an effortless well what I love about this is Danitra was telling us that their daughter Taylor was watching a TV show and something came on the TV show and she said oh we can't watch this that's not purity that's not purity so their values that they're instill in their kids their kids are beginning to make the judgments based off of that and so it's working so that's awesome I love you guys [Music]

Channel: WOGM

Views: 2,234

Rating: 4.9459457 out of 5

Keywords: wogm, shreveport, james a mcmenis, chrissy mcmenis, denitra jefferson, terrance jefferson, marriage conference, love, purity, integrity

Id: LVkZtqQW82w

Length: 55min 4sec (3304 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 18 2020