♫ Demons From Adrian's Pen - Robert "Bobby" Prince ♫ "I never gave much thought to what it meant." "I just thought it was some cold-blooded shit to say to a motherfucker before I popped a cap in his ass." For those who think the first three episodes of Doom were too easy, Here's Thy Flesh Consumed, which jumps between fair challenge and occasional fun to completely unnecessary cruelty. Remember that No Saving Pistol Start rule? That's out. That's gone, forever from now on. I might've been able to do DooM 2 with it, not Thy Flesh Consumed. Hell Beneath, well, This is American McGee's contribution to ruining everybody's day. I've talked about this one before. FLASHBACK CIVVIE: Hey, look guys! I beat it!
I didn't even die once! I won't talk too much more about it, Let me just say that this shit here with fake walls and shotgunners and enemies behind, when they teleport in after they see you, and then... ♫ Sign Of Evil - Robert "Bobby" Prince ♫ You see this here? This is a fake wall. Here's what's behind that wall. Monsters and a teleporter. But the monsters can see you and shoot you. The fuck was American McGee thinking... There's a way to do this trap that isn't so shitty and dickish, and I ought to jump over to Doom 2 to give you an example because that's what springs to mind. In Suburbs, you have this huge battle, right? The enemies all teleport in. But they're not behind an invisible wall. They can't even see you. The sound is what alerts the monsters. They can't attack you until you go here, and then the door opens that lets 'em go through the teleporter. You probably alerted them ten seconds into the level when you shot at this Arch-Vile. I'm sorry if I'm spoiling the magic for you kids, but that's how it was done. See also that shit from Military Base, John, you know. A secret Rocket Launcher to help with the Baron. Platforms where you get surrounded by Spectres. This shotgunner trap at the beginning is all kinds of dickish, but at least you get ammo out of it. Hey, you guys like weird secret death traps with the Nine Inch Nails logo in 'em? *Baron cries* This level is evil and I hate it. Let's move on to Perfect Hatred. Ohhhh, Perfect Hatred. John Romero's Speed Map that made it into Thy Flesh Consumed. Supposedly, he made the map in six hours. Probably when he was busy not working on Quake. Narrow ledges above ever-present damaging floors. The fact that the only way up from that is walking up a damaging stairway into a room full of Imps. And there's one Rad Suit down there and a Supercharge and, oh God! This! You go in here, and you have to drop down, but this line here inexplicably opens this door over here, the only way out of this pit. But not this switch. This switch raises the floor up, so you get to that cool Plasma Gun over there. You want that. Everybody wants that. Just get through these two Barons, it'll be great! It'll be fine, you'll love it. ♫ Donna To The Rescue - Robert "Bobby" Prince ♫ Thanks, John! JP: Oh, jeez...
John Romero: Not even real. Seriously? JP: There's two of these guys? JP: Are you playing on Ultra-Violence? John Romero: I must be. JP: Yeah. JP: That is rough, alright. Yeah. You can kind of... yeah. John Romero: Yeah, now.. JP: You can cheese them. It's your level. John Romero: Yeah. John Romero: Have to. JP: That is, okay. Yeah. That's a good... good strategy. John Romero: Oh, not the...
JP: Oh my gosh, wait. John Romero: What is happening?
JP: There's three? JP: How is that possible? I know right! And Doomsday, John? Doomsday? For those of you who aren't familiar, Doomsday is a source port that is the pinnacle of HD Dooming. ♫ Facing The Spider - Robert "Bobby" Prince ♫ Who am I to talk? I forgot to turn off Dynamic Lighting. And when you're done with that, you get that key. You open that platform and there's more Barons. You clear 'em, and then Cacodemons. And the Spectres, get used to using that Plasma Gun, there's no other way to effectively get through this nightmare. I've been watching those Pink Demons up there this whole map. Not wanting to waste ammo on 'em just yet. Now's the time. Go up there, kill 'em. Oh yeah, look out for that Cyberdemon there, he's... Inconvenient. Second map of the episode, everybody! Plasma Gun him. Oh wait, you walk forward and this door opens to reveal 8000 Cacodemons. This is John Romero being an asshole and here's why. The door with the Cacodemons is a distraction, and it fucks you over. It's distracting you from a teleporter that opened back here, and lets you telefrag the Cyberdemon. And save a ton of ammo. And get a BFG. And open the secret exit! The worst is over, the rest of the episode is significantly easier in my opinion. It tries to be harder, but it also gives you tons of ammo. Fear, the secret level. Not too bad. The symmetrical layout is lame. It looks more like an Episode 1 map than something in Hell, whatever. Honestly nothing else in the episode is as hard as the first two levels, not even the secret level. Sever The Wicked starts off ball-busting. Hit this switch and go get the invincibility power-up first, and if you're speedrunning, strafe run to the exit over there. And if not, this level's not too bad. You'll start picking up a lot of rockets. There's another fake wall over here where there's monsters shooting ya. Thanks... Shawn Green. This is his first Doom map, and you know what? Good job! He made this map, and the last map of the episode. And Bloodfalls in Doom 2, so 2 out of 3 ain't bad. What? This isn't a bug, this is a feature! Nothing is gonna make you miss having a Super Shotgun more than this episode. Lots of Cacodemons and Lost Souls. I'd say miss the Super Shotgun, because Thy Flesh Consumed came out with Ultimate Doom in 1995., after Doom 2 was released. The story takes place between Doom 1 and Doom 2. You return to Earth... Yeah, this episode takes place on Earth. And I think the only map that might give that away is the secret level. Next up, Unruly Evil, the worst map in Thy Flesh Consumed. Nah, it is. It's not hard, in fact it's probably the easiest one. It's also made by American McGee. It's really really brown, full of misaligned textures that aren't secrets. And invincibility power-up and a Soulsphere that you don't really need. I don't know, it's not terrible, it's just kinda bland. It's so small and easy, it probably should've been the first map of the episode. You know what? I'm gonna give this level another chance. I'm gonna do it pistol start this time. Okay, well, it is harder. And if you don't find the Berserk and the Rocket Launcher in this secret, good fucking luck. It is harder, but it's not as hard as Hell Beneath. The next map is They Will Repent. Designed by Tim Willits and his sister Teresa Chasar.
(Chaser) Chasar? That actually sounds very nice and wholesome. And is, uh... I don't usually play most of it. Okay, the exit is right over here, I can just do this. ♫ Waltz Of The Demons - Robert Prince ♫ I don't even need the BFG over there. Next up, a Romero map he actually spent time on, Against Thee Wickedly. I don't want to say it's the best map of Thy Flesh Consumed. Lest I be criticized for sucking John Romero's dick. When we eventually get to the Daikatana episode, and the Doom 2 episode, and the Quake episode. That's gonna happen a lot less, if at all. I wonder when Sigil's coming out. Brutal map! I'd say that's the best architecture of the episode. Some of the better fights. Even though some of the levels are ball-busters, I think on the whole, this has better level design than episodes 2 and 3. There's too many Cacodemons, which is a complaint I think can be leveled in everything after episode 2, to be honest. Doom needed more enemies and weapons, so you got Doom 2, Cacodemons can... fucking fuck off! Everybody remembers this level because of the Cyberdemon fight at the end which is... ♫ They're Going To Get You - Robert Prince ♫ Eh, I can do better... There we go. I like the next level better, And Hell Followed. Designed by the late John Anderson, also known as Doctor Sleep, who also worked on the Master Levels. Blood when it was a Q Studios game, Unreal, Kingpin, even some of the levels in Daikatana that aren't dogshit. Locks you in the tiny room with a Cyberdemon and gives you invincibility? Good man. Kind man. Absolute lad. This level's even fun enough for me to ignore him not marking his locked doors. Still, good map. Smart to keep this guy around. And finally, Unto The Cruel. Not a bad way to finish out the episode. There sure are a lot of hitscanners in this room. ♫ Demons On The Prey - Robert Prince ♫ This here is what's commonly known as "Doorfighting". Here's the thing. Doom doesn't have any textures for waterfalls or lavafalls, so they use this. And in They Will Repent, they just use this texture for a bloodfall. Like they couldn't just copy the one they had from Doom 2 and put it in Doom 1. By this point I've got so many rockets and cells, and that might still be the case even if I pistol started because I haven't died since, like, map 6. Last room where you face another Spiderdemon, and a few Barons, a Cacodemon, whatever. You can just spam the BFG. Leave the map with 200 health and armor. Your pet bunny avenged. But now you see spread before you more potential pain and gibbitude... "Gibbitude", the most 90s FPS word to ever 90s in an FPS. ...as a nation of demons run amok among our cities. Next Stop, Hell on Earth! Unless Sigil comes out first. John Romero: What is happening?
JP: How is that possible? Oh, here we go kids. Linear Doom. Emergent gameplay. This is what I'm talking about. Nah, fuck this. Oh. Unholy Cathedral. My favorite. 10/10 remake. This a better April Fools joke than the one I came up with. ♫ Intermission From Doom - Robert Prince ♫ (sped up)
