Power Negotiation Skills: Labels and Mirrors

[Music] I'm going to proceed on the idea that everybody is at least understands how to construct a label or mirror labels it seems it sounds the looks you see me Sonia look a mirror is a repetition in the last one two three words ish or specific selection once you good at the last one or three words you start picking one two three words out of different forces of conversation of merit so everybody's gonna pick two things they're passionate about everybody's gonna pick two things they're passionate about it doesn't matter what those things are they could be food it could be dogs it could be bunny rabbits I know you're passionate about bunny rabbits doesn't matter what those two things are you will pair up with someone next to you one of you will be the talker the other person will be the negotiator the negotiators asked to what questions what are you passionate about I'm passionate about puppies what about puppies makes you passionate that's your second what question every response from the negotiator from that point on is a label or a mirror only it's not Oh a puppy's going up I set it on fire you know whatever you did when you were kid no sharing of common experiences because that's not a label or mirror and then when we pair you up and you start out one of user negotiator and you know there's a talker stay in role until we ask you to switch out if someone is not particularly comfortable with the skills yet and they say okay I did it's long enough now let's talk about your passion now we don't want you two doing that we have a very specific sequence going here these are our reps how many reps to get a skill 63 these are reps this is the low stakes practice this is the no stakes practice small stakes practice for high stakes results here's what it'll look like Brandon's gonna be the negotiator and Derek is going to be the talker so at the beginning you're gonna be able to ask two questions to get you started and from there forward is gonna be only labels and mirrors so after you label four after I have done four or five labels with Derek then we will start pointing to people in the room to continue the conversation with Derek so once you get pointed at you got to come up with a label a mirror a great way to get picked is to look away all right so two questions at the very beginning first question what's your passion coaching basketball coaching basketball and then second question what about coaching basketball makes you passion alright it provides me an opportunity with providing a positive male role model in the lives of guys that don't have it guys that don't have it yeah the coach the community that coached in a couple years ago was a an immigrant community single-parent homes mostly led by women a lot of times the guys that were on my team were the were the oldest male in the house or a lot of responsibility had been thrust upon them and as a result some of them straight off the straight and narrow unless they were provided an opportunity to participate in organized sports that's where I came in it sounds like in a lot of ways these kids are kind of missing out on life yeah I think so I mean I was in I was in their spot so to speak when I was coming up I didn't I grew up in a house that didn't have a father in fact he could walk through those doors right now and I no it was him that's how early in my life that he left so I was raised by a a mother who had a heart of gold and she worked very hard but she didn't she couldn't provide me with that male influence that I needed and but by the grace of God I could have gone elsewhere sounds like you learned that it be pretty self-sufficient in an early age I had to he had to grow up fast and the things that were out there that snatched me off the streets figuratively speaking have been multiplied tenfold now with these guys so I know that they were either gonna wind up dead they're gonna wind up incarcerated or they're gonna wind up like the next surely sounds like you really feel for the fact that what they're missing out on really isn't any fault of their own it's not and so for the two hours that I get them every day between the months of November and March it provides me with an opportunity to provide them with some life skills that'll make them better men because I think as a as a male adult it's incumbent upon me to do that label or mirror label or mirror I want you to say it looks like it seems like it sounds like and then give me what it looks like seems like sounds like intuitively you know what to say now I want to make you say it yeah it is important to me let's face it these guys are gonna get their life lessons from somewhere and if they're not getting it from me they're gonna get it from somebody in the streets and then the people in the streets are usually going to send them in the wrong direction direction label or mirror into the mic wrong direction yeah so I mentioned earlier they could wind up incarcerated or they could wind up like Shirley and as an adult again my job is to make sure that nobody else becomes a shirley label or mirror it sounds like Shirley is important to you what do you mean when you say Shirley I didn't ask you to ask a question I want you to label or mirror any question that you can ask and sound like a mirror great yeah Shirley was a young lady I met she was seven years old time that I met her and surely was a crack baby which means when her mother was pregnant she was continuing to ingest cocaine Shirley was born addicted to cocaine and she had this the requisite behavioral and cognitive issues that a baby addicted cocaine would so she was way behind in her development they put her in the foster care because the mother was not the mother was not obviously competent to raise the child so Shirley was put in to foster care and that's when I met her label her mirror and you met her we're not a question label or mirror any question that you can ask can be turned into a label so it looks like it seems like it sounds like it sounds like you had a great opportunity to subsequently yeah it was a great opportunity at the time I didn't see it as such because when I met her her foster mother's boyfriend had taken the bottom end of a cane and shoved it in her mouth and broke her teeth out because she spilled toothpaste on the floor and so when I think about my responsibility to the youth of today it starts with how I saw Shirley the night that she was on the gurney in the hospital and I'm taking photographs of her injury and this little girl that has had everything done to her is laying on the gurney showing me some cigarette burns on her forearm and she still had enough sunshine in to smile and I said and I still have her picture on my desk with that smile and I said if this kid can go through all of that she needs a fighter and so my job is to fight for all the Shirley's of the world label or mirror it sounds like you believe this program can really make a difference in children's lives well it's it's a leap but my basketball program by extension will lessen the opportunity for kids to fall through the cracks either into jail or to have their lives impacted in a other negative ways now I'm gonna stop there you guys see how much information you can gather by just using labels and mirrors if you will imagine the X that I stood on the floor represents I like coaching basketball right how far off of that X did you move me when I first said I like coaching basketball figuratively or literally some of you rolled your eyes to know another another jock head another guy who gonna start talking about the virtues of Steph Curry right but what did you learn about me Travis said I grew up without a father what else did you learn specifically what did you learn then I help youth good what else did you learn I have a very big heart do I sound like somebody you want to do business with what do you mean [Music] good good what else did you learn want to give back what else did you learn I respect my mother what else what inspired me Monica said so the point is you moved me off the X you know a lot about me character-wise behavior-wise how much information did you give me how much do I know about you nothing just using labels and mirrors that's how strong they work that's how powerful they are so that's what you guys are going to replicate in your one-to-ones [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause]

Channel: The Black Swan Group

Views: 87,694

Rating: 4.9630265 out of 5

Keywords: best negotiation practices, tactical empathy, best negotiation training, emotional intelligence, effective negotiation skills, negotiation strategies, how to succeed in business, how to succeed, best practices, increase sales, methods of persuasion, components of emotional intelligence, effective communication techniques, Master Class, getting to yes, the art of the deal, crucial conversations, elevator speech, value proposition

Id: pHHHg7PWz48

Length: 11min 13sec (673 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 10 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/lamarstarr]

When using complex reflective labels, the convo goes deeeep

[u/AnnaBanana6969]

all three of those clowns look like con-artists. You can only be manipulated if you allow it.