Don't Become A Hostage When BUYING Properties | Chris Voss

[Music] and I'm excited too really excited to introduce our next speaker it's kind of interesting so you know when you when you think about actually the shift to to Tennant centricity you think about the relationships that need to be created that need to be evolved between the landlord and the tenant the conversations that happen have to evolve too and the negotiation and how it happens has to evolve as well and so we we've got a gentleman who is our next speaker is the former lead international hostage negotiator for the FBI this is this is someone who's been in incredibly interesting and challenging situations where he's had to negotiate life and death to get people out of very difficult situations and bring them back home he's also the author of what is one of the most impactful negotiating books on negotiation that I've ever read we've had many people in our organization read it it's kind of fundamental to how we think about sales and the conversations that we have with customers it's called never split the difference it was a best-seller I strongly recommend this book to anyone who is in a professional context who has to have conversations and get to a positive result of those conversations so if you haven't read it you're gonna have to pick it up if you haven't read it you're in for a huge treat in hearing Chris Voss come up here and speak so Chris why don't you join us on stage and everyone once you join me in welcoming Chris to the stage [Applause] I'm gonna hand it over to him thank you well what kind of an introduction and kind of curious to see what I had to say myself you know what really is a practicing neuroscientist we invented this stuff way back in the 1970s and it took basically in the last five six seven years even find out that everything that we talked about in hostage negotiation actually followed brain science rules and we were applying neuroscience rules which is sort of beyond psychology now we can see how the brain actually works inside the impact that we can make on what people do in their decisions to get what we wanted one of our sayings is never be sure sure of what you want it wouldn't take something better I'm gonna hit on this a couple of times because I caught a little bit of one of the breakouts earlier and Mike Frandsen I believe said something that really resonated with me said you know what sit down you're trying to you're trying to make a deal in commercial real estate find out what's important to me I'll find out what's important to you you're gonna discover some metrics and nobody realize we're really important we're gonna make a great deal right sounds interesting how do you do that all right first of all neuroscience rule excuse me you have to 31% smarter in a positive frame of mind give that just a little bit of thought because only about a third of the rumor naturally at best are naturally in a positive frame of mind only about a third of the room maybe and even then it's hard to stay in a positive frame of mind on regular basis because our brain is in fact wired to be negative now there's an awareness of that in ourselves and awareness in our counterparts to understand how that applies but how could that be how we wired to be negative because we needed to stay alive from the caveman days what happened to the optimistic caveman yeah the mr. caveman came by a cave and said you know what it's dark in there and last time we went by there's all going in and never came out but I'm an optimist I'm gonna go into then you get eaten the pessimistic guy was like I don't care I'm not going in there those are the guys that survived and it's still wired into our brain so we're wired to be negative and we got it we got to have a way to deal with deal with that so we're not naturally in a positive frame of mind but a 31% jump that's no small jump it impacts them it impacts you there's a little bit difference between what's appropriate contextual for the moment you know and being funny you can't be funny but you can have humor in the moment it makes you smarter it may seem smarter makes them more likely to reveal stuff to you or give stuff to you that'll work makes them think of things that'll work here's some stuff that should scare you about this it should scare you they did a psychological experiment psych neuroscience experiment not only you're in a positive frame of mind can we fool you into thinking you're in a good mood how would we fool you into thinking you're in a good mood it took people they asked them to hold a pencil in your mouth said don't let your lips touch it you're smiling is there a hardwired connection between the muscles in the face the nerves in the face in the brain do they see the brain pick up anyway they did you can force the smile on your face and give yourself more mental capacity even when you're angry another one that should scare you and this has to do with some data from women but be careful about your data sources because this is on women but as human beings you had when you see data misinterpretation of data will cause some people to say playing basketball makes you tall does it make sense right so give you a couple of examples and it's human nature data it's not gender or age related women who are depressed they gave them Botox to keep him from frowning instantaneous change in the mood instantaneous change in the increase in mental abilities by not allowing them to fly said because the woman knows because they're human beings the wiring that we're gonna talk about that I'll discuss with you that hostage negotiators negotiators have been applying for years applies because you're human what does that mean to you is it cross-cultural well I'm afraid the only limitations on this it only works on people every hostage negotiation team in the world uses the same skills the same eight basic skills which you know I referred to as the FBI eight and my company we call them the negotiation nine we've added one but the hostage negotiation teams in Tel Aviv the hostage negotiation teams in Cape Town South Africa hostage negotiation team in Tokyo Japan Haasan's hostage negotiation team in New York City always the same skills cuz you're humans it's an ultimate in cross culture application because we all have the same basic wiring regardless of gender ethnicity age doesn't matter the same basic human wiring and you know there's a lot of discussion of the difference between generations and Millennials this Gen X that baby boomers this person I don't care you've all got the same wiring in all of what we're talking about and all the different people that have spoken to you today of talking about improving the tenant experience increasing the number of proposals you get out based on the exact same number of tours increasing the percentage of proposals that are accepted it is the application of these ideas in a very beginning that will in fact get you more business getting more done same amount of time probably less time actually these indirect approaches one of the when when I was with the FBI I oversaw hostage negotiation teams across the country and I saw this emotional intelligence approach we didn't call it emotional intelligence back then but that's what it is it's application of emotional emotional intelligence I remember specifically the team we had Atlanta were really good at the skills team we had in Portland one weren't quite as good guys in Portland much more direct much more argument base much more explaining much more making the case guys in Atlanta took their time guys and gals are yous guys is the generic term guys in Atlanta took their time way more slow-moving than the guys in Portland they would turn out on the same sort of hostage siege guys important would take 8 hours to get done the guys in Atlanta will get done in 3 talked about saving time so how we do this and let me let me say a little bit more out about Who I am alright so they told you that it was the FBI's lead international kidnapping in the girl what did that mean what that meant was any American got kidnapped anywhere in the world it was my job to come up with a negotiation strategy to get him out of harm's way I'm not talking about arrests by governments the Koreans that were Korean Americans that recently North Korean released in anticipation of further diplomatic negotiations with the Trump White House those people that came out that would not have been something I worked they were held by a government I'm only working people that are grabbed by criminals and terrorists so you might ask yourself how often was Chris Wallace busy in his job well it's a big world there a lot of Americans doing stupid stuff so I was fairly busy then one of the other things that needed to learn too is and it's key to any negotiation what is it to me doesn't matter what matters is what is it to the other side you know the kidnapping is to the other side commodities exchange thus it's a horrible thing to them it's another day at the office it's a job the commodities business commodity happens to be human beings those commodities business it was up to me to accept that it was up to me to know the market price and the velocity the market what's the velocity how soon did they need to get a deal done what do they expect on pricing what do they expect on time so it was a business they have a division of labor and kidnapping yet people that are in charge of requiring the commodity they're people in charge of transporting the commodity there are people in charge of housing the commodity they're people in charge of negotiating for the release of the commodity there's people in charge of delivering the commodity to the customer it sounds like a business right how many guys see the movie man on fire Denzel Washington right who didn't go she ate within that voice guys job was to do negotiations he didn't go out grab people that was his end of the deal Haiti I get a call one day twelve-year-old boys been grabbed in Haiti now what's the business model in Haiti at the time it was pretty cool business model I was really impressed with it card and this is before the earthquake carjacked a car with more than one person in it keep the car and one person let the other person go you've immediately handled all your marketing you've notified your customer that you have a transaction to engage them with your notification since Dainius if they were riding in a car together the person you let go probably knows the tongue that the other person got grabbed secondly why a car if they got money for a car and I got money for gas they probably got money for ransom you got a car in Haiti at the time you get more money than most people you pre-qualified your customer now here's the part that I love the best what happens if you grab the one person in the family that nobody likes you got a car so we get a call that 12 grill boys have been grabbed an American citizen at the time one of the interesting things to also was Haiti is a revolving door of kidnappings I mean we're working we're working on constantly bad guys don't know they're grabbing Americans their grip and they think they're grabbing Haitian citizens which is the case in most kidnapping industries around the world most of the Americans that grab most of the time are dual nationals so they think they're grabbing Haitians now how could this be such a big deal in Haiti why is this going on they're stronger than many other places other than fact they've got other problems do you guys know how many countries in the world you're sitting of if you're born there like I know my accent doesn't be betrayed I grew up in Iowa I'm just from a small town in Iowa son of rich and Joy's boss Mount Pleasant Iowa I worked here in New York City for 14 years but there were more people in the building and worked here in New York City than in a time I grew up in but I figured you know you're born this country you're it's it's just the way of the world it's just a natural natural law because that that happened here must be that way every war do you know how many countries does anybody know it's argued that there are two developed nations only u.s. and Canada no country in Europe are you citizen of if you're born there Australia Nam England no they think that's funny that you think you're entitled the citizenship just because you were born there it's one of the great things about the United States I'm an unabashed American patriot I'm a fan of this country I don't think this country is perfect they still stuff that working our way through but this one the cool things about the United States cuz Haitian moms understand that the one of the best gifts they could possibly give their child on our child's literal first birthday is a gift of American citizenship and everything that comes with that so Haitian moms are finding their way into American store soil legal legal or illegal such how can be an American citizen this is a cool thing so in this particular case toddler boys an American citizen his father's not but his father knows that his sons in America he goes to your ass embassy for help embassy says the FBI is gonna be there to help you now I don't know what he thought of when they told him that or what he imagined would happen next to his mind I can only imagine he'd figured maybe about 15 minutes later a hero on a front door and bang these guys are there maybe but it's sad about 15 minutes later he gets a cop a call from some guy in Washington DC and Chris Voss and he literally says to me on the phone you're in Washington DC how you gonna help me how long do I have for he hangs up the phone you're me what do you say seriously how long have I got ten seconds maybe you guys know how long it takes to make a first impression seven to ten seconds same amount of time exact same amount of time you know what it takes to make a good first impression do you know what the other people are looking for from you and I'm here to tell you everybody you deal with every person in an any commercial transaction every person walks through it in your buildings is saying that exact same thing to themselves about you and you have the same amount of time that I had and what are they looking for from that impression do you know trust and competency can I trust you with the things that are important to me can I trust you with creating a space for my company can I trust you with the future that's coming at us in the next six months to five years so that we don't go the way of the dodo you guys know there's a 40% turnover on a fortune 500 every 10 years right companies know that if they don't do it right they will become extinct and what they're trusting you with are the hopes and dreams for the future what was his father in Haiti trying to get me to reclaim for him but what is the child other than the hopes and dreams of the family's future and house now maybe they're not hanging up literally on you as fast as he was gonna hang up on me but it's the same amount of time the rules don't change how much time you've had to get through to them so what do you say you're mean what do you say you're you what do you say what you say do you want to get you son out no I know what I'm doing I've done this before trying to establish competency right in a case I'm going to tell you about in a little bit the first time I was in Philippines I took that route first time I was in the Philippines we're kind of kidnapping they walk me into a room that literally everybody other than the President of the Philippines is in cabinet secretaries head of the police and it's a National Police so hello police is not the local PD it's a National Police Secretary of Defense the only reason the president's not theirs because the president's personal advisor is I'm there I'm the guy from the FBI the FBI's lead international kidnapping negotiator is the FBI's subject matter expert on kidnapping I was a representative for the FBI to the National Security Council I represented the US government in the g7 meetings on kidnapping of the US government's rep they walked me into the room basically from offensive purposes say this to me also and so what do I do when the Attorney General's Award for Excellence in law enforcement the FBI agents Association Award for distinguished and exemplary service joint terrorist task force in New York City for 14 years head negotiator for the city of New York for the FBI now not only have I trained a Quantico and Scotland Yard I write the book that they trained from the Quantico I haven't just studied it I write it and I can tell you that when I laid out my extensive qualifications they were suitably unimpressed they may as well have yawned right in my face why is that cuz your resume regardless of how impressive it is correlates loosely with whether or not you know what's going on if a resume coordinated exactly with whether or not you could do the job there would never be a bad hire and no one would ever lose the there would never be a bad fit I've done this wrong before and had it be useless a waste of time what did I say the Father in Haiti here's what I said all right Haitian kidnappers I'm not killing kidnap victims these days I realize that's really stupid because Haitian kidnappers kill each other at the drop of a hat but they're not killing kidnap victims now today is Thursday and Haitian kidnappers love to party on Saturday night so if you say the things I want you to say when I want you to say them we will have your son out by late Friday early Saturday morning and he said tell me what you want me to do then we had his son out Saturday morning now let's break down a little bit of what I've said of what I didn't say and I would ask you did it take me less time to say that than a Ted took me to lay out my resume you're under time pressure understand what actually takes the most time and how effective it is what didn't I do one of the key things that I did not do and it's it shoes day off it's obvious once I point it out I didn't try to get him say yes not once yes is the most useless word out there we don't even bother with it if we need to close something I never use it too close ever we don't we don't it's a useless word there's three kinds of yeses commitment confirmation counterfeit but on the flip side of it is you all got a bad Jones - yes you're addicted to it bed that's gonna be hard for you to get out of it because typically first of all you bring somebody and you said would you like to have wonderful office space would you like to retain your employees for you would you like to have great terms take a look at our proposal every yes is a hook everybody knows yes is a hook everybody knows is a hook buried in every yes the crazy thing about that this is a word depends upon what side were on how we react to it because hearing it we want to hear it it's been yes has been described as one of the most beautiful words in the language that most beautiful word in a language and there's a story john lennon john lennon began to fall in love with yoko ono when he went to an art exhibit she had it was kind of an optical course saying he crawled over stuff and he climbed up stuff and he came to a ladder you crying this rickety ladder and at the top of a ladder was a telescope and he looked through the telescope and a little bitty yet letters on a far wall was a word yeah so we'd love to hear it but we're completely blinded as that how we start to react instantly when somebody tries to get us to say phone rings you pick it up and the other and the voice says have you got a few minutes to talk what you've got reaction yeah everybody's got reaction there's no say you've been seriously is there anybody in this room then when somebody says have you got a few minutes to talk you go thank God you called yes oh yes yes yes yes just ask me anything every time I say yes I'm gonna feel wonderful no where's the hook what's the catch what am i letting myself in for where's this going have you got a few minutes to talk as only an individual example first question you ask yourself if I have a few minutes to talk to I want to talk to you if I have a few minutes to talk and I want to talk to you do I want to talk about what you want to talk about there isn't one of us who hasn't received a call from our significant other man or woman man gets a call from a significant other most important person in the world to him she says can we talk he thinks well I like talking to you but I don't think I want to talk about you then after that is how long is a few minutes my next younger sister calls me on the phone if you got a few minutes to talk it's always 45 she's you and that's usually when she has a 45 minute to an hour drive in front of her and she wants to talk to me which means at me which means I don't say a word for 45 minutes and I got another male colleague he's an attorney he's kind of he's got to think stuff through he's got a big long 45 minute agenda stuff he wants to walk me all the way through have you got it for few minutes of talks 45 the last question after that is how I get off the phone yes there's a problem look around watch people about two years ago my Director of Operations is my son chief negotiation ops officer the Black Swan group cuts all our deals he's great negotiator you would be too if you've been dealing with me since you were three years old the only kid in high school who had a curfew he's like hey you're a hostage negotiator you putting a deadline on me you talk we blinded deadlines he never could understand it so he just learned how to talk him out of deadlines but he a couple years ago he still wasn't absolutely convinced that yes made people uncomfortable and so we're coming out of a building over here in Jersey a client that were teaching he says you know I just don't think people are always get worried about saying yes and we're at the security guard who that morning had led us in so he'd given us our passes he was sitting there at walk on dude he had a uniform lawn set allied security so I looked at the security guard and I said do you want for an ID security anyway yeah I looked at my son I went we want from me guys sitting here in uniform allied Security's guys guard oh cuz I asked him who were allied security and and here's to give you an idea of how much of a problem this gonna be for you to get out of that and this is a problem cuz you knurl your neurons are wired to do this everybody make a fist with either hand put your right thumb up put your left forefinger out some of you natural New Yorkers make sure that's the fore finger please now switch switch back pick it up come on don't give up come on come on he just had a stroke somebody call the ambulance was what I asked you to do complicated no was a difficult yes the cool thing about that though is and some of you had trouble getting that forefinger around the first place that was actually the creation of a new neural synapse in your brain kind of a cool thing to think about and how come I can do this practice the synapses that fire together wire together it doesn't take that much practice to build a new skill but you're gonna have trouble getting out of yes because your yes neurons are gonna fire and you're gonna think I'm just trying to get a yes because I'm trying to be respectful and appreciative and I'm not the person that was selling them swampland in Florida or the building that's on the African burial ground that we don't want to learn all about or whatever the problem is it doesn't matter how sincere you are what happens a physicist and see a decent human being you try to give a battered child to hug they flinch anyway right we've been pounded with this yes stuff for years and just take a look around watch your own reactions take my offer on this to you as a hypothesis take anything that I say is a hypothesis what does that mean what's your obligation you got to test it out maybe there's enough that what I said is just worth going out and finding out and seeing if you see it at all seeing if it's true you should be worried about your addiction too yes one of the single biggest contributors to people not getting back to you on the phone how many of you have people that are not getting back to you on the phone we call them non-responders there was a CEOs of a company that we were interacting with recently we gave him an instantaneous fix for this which I will give to you and he sent us an email back and he said I'm 12 for 12 on my non-responders all 12 got back to me instantly now if the CEO of the company's 12 for 12 how many non-responders are going on in his company and how much is that costing them because your non-responders are that the proposal says they're the deals that you're chasing and there's an old saying in business it's not a bad thing to not get to deal it's a bad thing to take a long time to not get the deal that's what's killing you and the non-responders are the people you're chasing and chasing and chasing you know how many non-responders I have or anybody my company has zero and I will happily tell you that I'm a non responder to a number of people that are chasing us because they're not dialing in properly to me they're not taking the time to pay attention give me this yes nonsense or they're sending me an email it's a page long how many of you like reading long emails how many of you send them hmm it's a it's the same thing it's crazy how different it is to pimp on what side you are on something and how oblivious we could be we hate long emails we send them you hate him you send them so what do you do instead besides stopping this what do I want you to do there's two things I want you to do here's the first one recognize this guy sometimes you do something you don't Jack Welch author of Jack and winning alongside his with his wife Suzy they're coming through Los Angeles a couple years ago they're there they're hustling their book the real life MBA I go to the book signing Jack Woltz is that I wanted to come speak the negotiation course I'm teaching at the time at USC how many people try to get Jack Woltz to say yes to something at that book signing pretty much everyone I'm right there gonna come up there Jack how are you yeah my kid makes my wife makes a great meatloaf you wanna come to the house tonight god knows what they're gonna ask Jack I got this invention would you pose with it how many people are gonna ask him to try to say yes that day that week how many people try to get Jack Walsh to say yes or something you're me you come up to Jack Welch what do you say and how much time do you have you maybe got seven seconds and even if you get to the second response after him there's 300 people standing behind you in line they walk you up there before you get to them they say what's your name Chris write on a piece of paper so Jack doesn't get it wrong really that's so you know so you don't talk to him and then you keep moving on top of that have they patted me down do they know whether or not I've got a gun if I've been through a metal detector as a matter of fact I do have a gun but he's not in trouble for me they don't have my identification they don't know I'm not gonna hurt him I'm gonna get within arm's length of Jack Welch action is quicker than reaction they can't stop me from doing anything I want to do this is this is a dilemma of bodyguards you get within arm's length as a target you can only stop them after they've done you can grab him after that killed your target but you can't stop him I'm gonna get within arm's length of Jack Woltz I could do whatever I want I could walk up to my kids I'm right on the lips if I want to right you just fall asleep want to make sure you like that he's gonna wake up screaming the middle a nighttime I walk up to Jack Walsh and this is what I say to him is it a ridiculous idea for you to come and speak at the negotiation course that I teach at USC he looks up until the left Jesus they just freezes I think to myself I just killed Jack watch he had a stroke he's so furious and he's gonna die and the Security's gonna attack on me angered dragged me on cuffs I would say but I'm an FBI agent we don't carry kill Jack Welch so initially when he doesn't die I'm relieved but he still doesn't move but finally I'm freezes he looks at Minnie says it's my personal assistants name this is special Twitter account we have set up to communicate with her I will call her and tell her who you are and what you want I think we're gonna be in Los Angeles in the fall if we are we'll come in and speak at your class calibrated no is worth at least five yeses no joke cuz think of all the things that he thought through and went ahead and answered for me by triggering the no don't be horrified of no as a matter of fact you'd be shocked at how much farther how much fast you could get as soon as you start going for no instead of yes because when people say no they feel safe and protected again data a situation says there's supposedly teenagers know how to negotiate with parents because they don't take no for an answer it's not teenagers and parents it's humans and humans and teenagers have learned that after parent says no they'll probably listen when my direct now director of operations was 17 and he said dad can I I would say no and then I would then I would say all right so what was it that you wanted again because I felt good I'd already said now I was willing to listen we do this constantly we do this around the world we do this in every industry there are stereotypes out there there are stereotypes that Asians and Arabs will not say no we get them to say no all the time theoretically Arabs version of knows insha'Allah which again like as all this cross-cultural negotiation if an Arab says insha'Allah to a year in trouble what kind of shape you in if an American says I'll try it ain't happening is it does an American version as an Arab version why because they're just people they're using different words for the exact same things that people are people across the planet and this is what happens don't even bother with yes we don't bother with it any yes question you have can be flipped over - are you against do you disagree is it a ridiculous idea have you given up on is our just short a perfect response to the non-responder have you given up on doing business with the Black Swan group have you given up on X Y Z you send that email out and understand it's after a relationship that's been going for a while and they've stopped responding to you they've stopped responding to you for two reasons they're they're losing influence on their side and the way you're communicating with them and principally the way you're communicating with them is to try to get them to say yes or sending them really long emails and the more you yes as you get out of people the more - roads and as a toxin on the relationship and a lack of trust until finally they just stop getting back to it because all you're doing is you're pitching you're trying to get them to say yes to stuff have you given up on and you send that email or you can do it in a text message also sit there and wait because you're gonna get a response - anywhere from three to five minutes I'm not kidding no joke try it and see humor me sit there for five to ten minutes and wait for the response we've had people on a regular basis telling people that have not gotten back in them for two months responded to have you given up on less than five minutes now what do you do then there's a little bit of a problem because you're not always gonna get to where you want to go with just have you given with the no or anything you got to get them to say that's right not your right they say you're right when you've been pitching and he wants you to shut up you're right your secret code for please stop talking we sort of joke around in my account and my company we say your right is code for fu you know the it's really I want to maintain a relationship with you but please please I can't take it in while please stop talking you know who the world's greatest practitioners of you're right our husbands [Applause] the two millimeter shift is that's right the two millimeter shift is describing to them and this is what Mike was talking about earlier discover what's important to them how do you know when you've discovered it when they say that's right not your right they say you're right when you were pitching they say that's right when you reiterate it back to them what world looks like to them and he also talked about something called the metrics that you never imagined would be possible those are what we call black swans there's stuff here that you will never know unless they tell you and they will only tell you after they've said that's right and they will then correct you and let you know what matters to them which is a lot quicker way than laying out a ten-point value proposition when only three of those ten matter because all the time that you spent on the seven of the ten that don't matter are wasted time and is what everybody else is doing to them doesn't work on sociopaths this is an American that was kidnapped in the Philippines and this is the social path that's got them and this is a rape and killing murder and head-chopping terrorist straight out of the movies and this is the negotiator that I'm coaching now our social path is calling for 510 million dollars of war damages for 500 years of oppression from the Spanish to the Japanese to the Americans it's a smart move because it makes ten million dollars sound like not that much money phishing harm fishing rights violation economic harm by everything that's happened over the last 500 years now I realize right now you're tuning this out because you've never been in a discussion when someone was mad at you and they were bringing up things from the past that didn't have anything to do with you did you people don't do that that's just crazy only terrorists do that so we get into this and we go back and forth and finally we got to hit the reset button this is what we refer to as the birth of that's right moment because I coach my guy to say today what we're gonna do is get the sociopath to say that's right and you're gonna summarize everything that he said and especially the bad stuff about us that's where you're gonna have trouble because you only want to talk about the good stuff about you but from their perspective the bad stuff about us and lay it on thick because in this stuff this tactical application of empathy this tactical application of FBI empathy if you're not laying it on thick you're not laying it on thick enough so we get on the phone with this guy I'm coaching the negotiator and I coached all over the world that's what I did I coached negotiations and he lays my guy lays it all out five hundred years of oppression Spanish to the Japanese and the Americans trosset he's under blackjack Pershing in the 1900s violation of the fishing rights economic harm injustice is unfair you're not Filipinos anyway you're Morrow's and you're being oppressed today by puppet government and Philippines that's held up by the last colonial power which is the Americans and he goes on at all are on and finance him he gets done there's a moment of silence and a sociopath on the other end of the line says that's right and in that moment we went from ten million dollars to zero the ransom was never mentioned again to the duration of the kidnapping it went away was just gone kidnapping took a couple more twists and turns a couple months later the American walks away Jeff Schilling the American just walks away local farmer sees him walking down a dirt road sees knows he's gotta be Jeffrey Schilling cuz ain't that many black Americans walkin around south of Philippines says you must be Jeffrey Schilling says I am they flying back to Manila the military hold a big press conference president of Philippines on one side Secretary of Defense on the other side Secretary of Defense's and a daring rescue operation we have rescued the American Jeffrey Schilling we shot all these terrorists and they were mortally wounded they went off into the brush and died that's why we don't every body's to show you but it was a daring rescue operation during operation the game arrived two days ago there was a daring rescue operation at Newark Airport where I got picked up and driven into the city said daring operation my driver was a daring rescuer I'm back in the Philippines about three weeks afterwards another kidnapping he's gotten kicked off and I kicked out connect up with my guy and he says you're not gonna believe who called me on the phone I don't know the terrorists a sociopath he still knows my guy by his undercover names got his undercover number what'd he say have you been promoted yet I don't know what it was he said to me on the phone I was gonna kill the American you're really good they should promote you hangs up what's he saying in that moment I felt respected by him I deal with you again that's what he was saying he was telling him that if they had to deal with each other again he felt respected enough that he would be he would be willing to deal with them as a peer peer to peer base understand the terrace got nothing nothing his organization ended up in a shambles as a result of this and he was still willing to deal with that guy to get the dance right out of everybody you deal with everybody you deal with regardless of the outcome should feel that way when they get done interacting with you and it takes less time to get there than any of these other approaches you want to talk about finding out about the other side find out what's important to them you want you want to increase the percentages of Tours to people wanting proposals from you or letting you know what they actually need to make it work for them this is the way that you get that this is the way that you can get that it's insane deal after deal after deal it will coaching the pivot points not just a pivot point but the leaps forward and the negotiations comes as a result of what we refer to it says that's right - moment so in a second I'm getting ready to take some questions few moments for questions if and only if you want more besides the book we got a complimentary newsletter comes out every Tuesday short and sweet it's free it's good price it's free I'll take three is what an old friend of mine used to say only if you want more only if you want more some people really like it because it helps them get tuned up and takes them through the week the short sweet articles or not not a lot to digest by the way differences between men and women in negotiation women pick our negotiation style up faster than the men do so guys all I'm here to tell you is watch out these ladies give them any pass you by make sure you it's all one word if you decide you want it only if you decide you want it all one word don't leave your spellcheck change it to two words you'll get a text box back you'll be able to sign up I have got a couple moments for a couple questions I'm gonna be around for book signing and more stuff afterwards there any quick questions and then I'll show you a short video would be done do we have questions there was a night negotiation principle you guys brought kind of after you left the FBI what is that there's a there's a certain dynamic of free that keeps occurring on a regular basis in either the process the number of interactions be interesting in human nature how important the word three is or the dynamic of three so what we refer to this is a combination of two things if someone has ever said yes to you in any circumstance you need to get them to say yes three times in the same conversation to know for sure that it's not a counterfeit yes it's a counterfeit yes everybody knows what tells are what somebody does something physically that lets you know that there's a problem what they just said people lying with yes to you giving you the counterfeit yes because they're pumping you for information because they're not gonna they're not gonna take your space they just want to see what your terms are so they can use your terms to hammer somebody else which is really common they will never be able to say yes to you twice in a row because you love yes so much that they've only ever had to say it once and they'll flinch hard on the second yes so if you got to shake your yes is real hard when you do get to them you got you got a rattling really hard that's that's principally what that is the nine skill the app the application of the dynamic of three any other hands I'll show you the video I have a very important video on preparations critical you may have gathered that some of this negotiation approach requires preparation not a lot about a third of you in a room like the shoot-from-the-hip you like to wing it about a third of you in the room love to prepare like crazy there's a correlation between preparation and success our prep model is not extensive but it does require some preparation so this is a video that underscores the importance of preparation a proof of life video that's what they're called the ultimate good news bad news story if you're ever unfortunate enough to see one today hot face high-stakes rescue mission in Colombia ended a drama that has been dragging on for years Chris Voss is the former FBI lead international kidnapping negotiator he worked on so in terms of preparation one of my preparation issues here [Applause] I'd be a little hard to see but my hair is sticking on the side now this is the first time I was ever on CNN I'm really excited to be on CNN yeah against sunnat rich and Joyce Voss Mount Pleasant Iowa 7,000 people in my time there more people watching CNN than in my whole town so I'm all excited I'm going in I'm gonna be on CNN and stuff I want to know do they have a green room and is it green they have a green room it's not green but it's kind of cool cuz they're always interesting people in there then after you go to the green room you know where you go next make up and I remember the first time I was sitting in that makeup chair and they're pretty makeup ladies putting makeup all over my face and I'm thinking to myself my father's rolling over in his grave right now his son wearing makeup it's just not something that he expected to get done with makeup and you know where you go after that you go into a room which is where they're gonna film it it's a large dark closet you're not in a studio with Anderson the light shines right in your eyes you look right below the light they say that's where Anderson is gonna be you talk to that and then down to the left there's a monitor and they say that monitor is gonna go live when we go live it'll come on I'll show the programming well Ron do you want it off wrong and I'm like leave that I never saw me on CNN before I want to watch me on TV leave that baby on so we have just gone live I'm looking down at the monitor and I see that my hair is sticking out and I am perplexed and the biggest problem here is the monitor is a mirror image and I don't know which side of my head the hair is sticking out which is really why I look for plex cuz I'm gonna do something about this I gotta know where the problem is some sitting there you know I'm gonna go I generate options I figured stuff out so I got to figure this out so this is the first thing I do this case from the beginning until his retirement just last year he joins me now Chris this has got to be kind of I don't know why I thought moved my head around is gonna help maybe make the hair wave a little bit and I could feel it you can see from the look on my face I'm like Matt and how so I'm sitting there trying to decide what to do what kind of a move can I make like can't you know I can't really go with two hands because you know I look like low Larry Moe and Curly are the Three Stooges and you know and then like what if I try and it doesn't stay down I probably can't lick my hand girl like that so get to figure out what I could do so I'm sitting there trying to start with a remarkable day for you to be so that's not fair Anderson's hair is perfect I know the producer were like hey let's go split-screen make sure but he sees for sure that bosses hair is a mess Anderson Cooper's haircut you could be in a hurricane his hair to look perfect right that's not fair you know I feel like the really heavy guy in the diet commercial this is what you look like beforehand so I'm sitting I'm trying to say what to do you know when can I make my move cuz like my mom's watching this the people that she in her bridge club are watching this and I gotta say you can't even you son doesn't even know how to comb his hair so when can I go it's like that that jump rope game a double dutch like when are you gonna get in when are you gonna go when you gonna yeah and so closely involved in this and to finally [Applause] did come from foolish damage so the point of the story though is you know they didn't ban me from seeing then after that you know we finished the interview the interview went fine they asked me to come back you'll make mistakes with the people that you deal with you'll make mistakes you don't have to be perfect an approach of respect and appreciation and getting people to say that's right and making them feel heard will carry you through the mistakes that you make you will close more deals you'll put more people out you have longer time great relationships with the people that you do business with so I might ask everybody to stand up please everybody stand up guys remember at the beginning I showed you the picture the men in black right well those guys worked for me actually remember a little red flashy thing that they had they look this way all right after today everybody that you deal with is gonna feel it respected and appreciated by you you'll find that your conversations will go quicker and you're gonna learn more about the people on the other side or be more satisfying you'll connect more with people who want to know that they're appreciated as colleagues as family members as friends thank you for spending time with me at the end of the afternoon has been an absolute for love privilege to be here with VTS thank you very much [Applause] [Music] [Applause]

Channel: NegotiationMastery

Views: 132,899

Keywords: Chris Voss, Never Split The Difference, The Black Swan Group, best negotiation practices, tactical empathy, best negotiation training, emotional intelligence, effective negotiation skills, negotiation strategies, how to succeed in business, how to succeed, best practices, increase sales, methods of persuasion, components of emotional intelligence, effective communication techniques, commercial real estate

Id: Owg0YU1MQaw

Length: 54min 24sec (3264 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 03 2019