Mike Epps Funny Bidness 2009 Stand Up Parts Only

Miami and Brahma already [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] come on now check here tonight white people everything up in this [ __ ] white people only nobody comes seated like as Mike chips at down tonight and beyond the other near free moment all the fellas got the woman with him good night that's a good thing you see think it was his wife but they could be a whole nother [ __ ] what's up my a how's everything doing god bless house key is going everything good good to see you brother you see me mama said was that my where the [ __ ] at no your wife where was it with my wife at well [ __ ] scared of me wife anything because they little bully [Music] I'm gonna say this jacket look like a licorice jacket I said get the [ __ ] in there and do your homework smart aleck these little kids is bad in the [ __ ] nowadays all you need is my space you don't need no [ __ ] our babysitter I'm a computer push him in the bedroom number see in two weeks [ __ ] in there on the computer taking update time you don't know what the [ __ ] is on that computer you come in there and hit it be two naked man from Salt Lake City looking up and Brian who the [ __ ] is flying wipe you I feel so sorry y'all y'all key is Aquila y'all I don't know what it is Timmy you're grounded and your dad mom yes didn't I tell you next time you ground me you're dead to me No you can't kill no black mama [ __ ] you never heard of the [ __ ] killing is my heaven cuz it'll be a shootout in that [ __ ] I gotta call you back this [ __ ] popping it back couch filming this year I just shot my son I'll call you right back how about he must have thought I was a blood or something chicken licken hero these kids is bad in the [ __ ] you remember them good ass whuppin used to get with you a little that's what these little [ __ ] need now there's a good chairing down he's my folks need there's wool my little daughters he didn't got I got daughter thirteen boy she coming here my buddy got a keloid hanging from his ear she coming at other dates on my daddy is in Atlanta hearing aids came I'll say who the [ __ ] makes it less than hearing aid case I didn't do your homework Sean John they made no [ __ ] me left in here and they say maybe Rocco jazzy and eating the baby you know Rockaway were no mother leather here in a case school ain't teaching them [ __ ] school is just a babysitting haze to these little [ __ ] yeah teachers [ __ ] the kids come back they wasn't doing the [ __ ] when I was little I wanted to [ __ ] one of my teachers to her husband showed up [ __ ] him I ain't know she was married yeah these little kids is badder than a [ __ ] drug dealers ain't making money look at the kingpins in the hood and [ __ ] on more steel Kings being nothing man went on got me a job man I'm over at the Kroger now man [ __ ] my bankroll up man I tried to be a pimp one time this is terrible like babysitting some [ __ ] I can't do that wondering one we've talked to her mother I was like [ __ ] I don't want to talk to you I'm pimping [ __ ] out what I would say to your mother she just want to know who you are one this time are we hungry we have see y'all better get them Lunchables and get out on that [ __ ] try it like I see it mombi's come to my I didn't get a Butterfinger in my tray I said get the [ __ ] out there how the [ __ ] got a Butterfinger house [ __ ] well we in Florida goddamn it [ __ ] no you in Florida cause his ass every well I don't know they do you see that your girls now his ass is bigger than any bass I've seen they said it's the Kentucky Fried Chicken y'all eatin down here they hitting her with steroids didn't you eat it as wellif that's gotta tell how's Coco's out tonight you think I'm not smell my hands the guy who is yeah how's that last night being fed in a [ __ ] it was a girl named with a c-section scar I went across that way [ __ ] maybe hit you with a hatchet what happened did you have a baby for heart surgery [ __ ] [ __ ] so businessman I'm bullish in this [ __ ] is good but then all that cuz I Spit on drugs real bad I have more friends than than I do now clean sober part [ __ ] because well I need Jesus for real like y'all [ __ ] do too I need Jesus boy no I need to go home turn my life all the way over to God but I know I'm gonna be broke as a [ __ ] when you turn to God all the way he test you I'm a pop Tim pockets Nagar you see how much you really love me let's downgrade everything okay God I'll be right back I thought I was ready for you I'll be right back I'm not really like right now I got a car in the shop and you have to be saying a prayer and some others you come across your mind doesn't God I'm sorry please watch this [ __ ] off my mind [Music] [ __ ] be trying to start prayers oh alright no no no this is nothing to 1 this is it wow this is it right here this is the one my church's boy here we're gonna light Church they be glad and scary as here you'll see a white dude from Houston be on TV we smell it all time you see the lower understand you think Robert 16th and not attend if you're rich having black churches didn't need to be doing it don't do a flip voila this thing just do a flip in front of me you just did a flip on stage whose suit Ravens churches expensive down hit play come around looking more longer than they used to don't it we're going to take one little offering cold turkey looking at each other your old lady in the back I ain't got it like the who said that sister Gina I need to talk to you after today's program you don't blurt it out like that and you putting all the money in the contribution box of the master ride I'll put some D's on that [ __ ] just Bobcat praise Allah puts it these on the pitch pastor Johnson spinning tonight [Music] he's taking he is wit he you know you white [ __ ] wife is his act like it [ __ ] ain't nothing he'll I'm a white girl jump to it she's gonna have no ass she bout to go and take a [ __ ] like dear [Applause] put those knees on it [ __ ] you watch that one a little Porter you can make a reach-around latest AB Oh what time today around their stamina what I did get up and wipe my ass fool look at my nose you can tell there ain't a real [ __ ] nose look at the sling on that [ __ ] thank the [ __ ] nose eyes used to want all the time until I kept going to jail my daughter said I look like the white man on the dime [ __ ] is it on the - you know a little white going to dine with Lou haircut I love like people because you leave your bicycles out late at night come get me [ __ ] come get me you got a run with the bike a little bit just case of my coming in jump on there you got a run with it just in case they on you just drop it give me my little dirty we black mothers be naive don't be trying to act like these yeah my brother was stealing bicycles like [ __ ] basically full of bikes I'm Holly you're collecting your box where did you get those rich white man I'm from getting to my mother believed everything she believed that [ __ ] at the school my teachers told my mother Holle [ __ ] tell my mother I think Michael have to sprinkle the retardation that's it [ __ ] told my mother what the [ __ ] is a sprinkle the retardation I'm either [ __ ] or not listen I had a super sprinkle [ __ ] some Oh have a sprinkle of Love Bug retardation in me [Music] comfy birthday as [ __ ] get around I tried to get the job i mother told me [ __ ] you wanna graduate it's gonna be offered for you no schooling [ __ ] as long as I got thrown off LT he's looking at the classifieds don't see nothing to qualify you lyonell application so much graduate this year I work about do we just love to get a hate behind quit oh I'm only popping now I gotta 8-ball I was wearing a Burger King for a minute there I was on cash register I don't know why they did that do the happiest minimum wage [ __ ] everything brand-new sit on every day you're working to hit McDonald's jobs are [ __ ] up man it's crazy my hugs have you on the job work for 25 years and bring them up [ __ ] a brand new college student need and Bickel your boss you girls is [ __ ] bad roads [Music] [Applause] we got a couple of maze now first time I love of a guy [ __ ] I'm here I'll talk about something on my gonna clean them right by myself I girl hard to hug his Mexican [ __ ] you from Panama City and then gonna tell me my hit that [Applause] I said if I follow up in this [ __ ] with a gin and juice I may get hit Spears is built like a bucket short and round and wide with mr. mica mr. mica Tommy day mr. day mr. day day we going white boy with the buzz cut once a bad one for union with night [Applause] there's a total pimp going on it [Music] that's the confusion on a pimp's face one when his girl their [ __ ] there's a dirty line she didn't get out of pocket I'm gonna do something to uh matter of fact I seen a [ __ ] either been back one night I'm taking him [Music] and bigger we was pulled in a [ __ ] we still have to see the welfare people show up with a big box the counselors here the counselors here social worker caseworker my mother hated them [ __ ] too we'd be out there listening look [ __ ] let me tell you something we had a hundred and forty-four dollars worth for stamps - didn't show up we used to wait on our food stamps got damaged and sometimes the mailman wouldn't come quick and we'd be hungry my mother say don't get on the bike and look fine I'll be in another neighborhood looking for the mailman amen you got 3333 not currently never I got I think slap picnic tablecloth cert where mother [ __ ] I've seen in the beginning busy how long have you been with the struggle I mean the brother eight years that's a beautiful thing y'all get many years around applaud how long have you had that tight air Three's Company sweater you look like one of their landing them i'ma leave it on the rock chicken falafel rice chicken kebab rice chicken falafel with them girls some girls to take care of it [ __ ] wanting girls look out god dammit that's why a lot of women man y'all are just so cute and they fellas give it up for ladies man strong positive black women that's what they say you look good I want you I walked up on a girl in diamonds the other night was $7.00 and said [ __ ] I'm about to make it rain over you seems like [ __ ] if you thought that [ __ ] in my face I'm gonna have to see the heavy work I was like sprinkle on the [ __ ] look up $1 wave [Music] give it up for sugar by domini today as on a white strip club is and that's right fellas that was [ __ ] about six strength minimum the other serums ranging from Tuesday [Music] my big girls always walk on the tippy toes every walks in Buffalo get your big ass away from that buffet I was like I need help I know it they try to put me on some medication when I was little I put on my tongue and threw it in the trailer taking this [ __ ] smoking weed and anybody got some for sale tonight I'll buy so I really appreciate y'all coming out tonight and um I was trying to go through a toll road of the day I was - about a dollar fifty in there and the cars kept blowing and [ __ ] the stick wouldn't come up I do have a grenade that stick jump straight up in there I might kill thank y'all Miami I love y'all [Applause]

Channel: DJ A-JUICE

Views: 1,200,543

Keywords: Mike Epps Funny Bidness 2009 Stand Up Parts Only, Mike Epps Funny, mike epps standup, mike epps comedy

Id: kIuphWNHCoE

Length: 22min 34sec (1354 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 04 2019