Phil Hartman Collection on Letterman, 1989-1996

a talented writer and performer who you see every Saturday night on Saturday night live right here on NBC here now we have some videotape of this man in action [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] nice to have you here thanks thank you very much for you by the way Paul I do know the Canadian handshake when you meet a Canadian you're supposed to back up to him or her and slap beaver tails that's the silliest thing I've ever heard we're in did you I think I saw you a long time ago in Los Angeles with a group called The Groundlings is that correct or not correct that's right I performed with The Groundlings for about ten years who else was in that group very funny show uh well there was some great people Paul Reubens who went on to become pee-wee Herman right we collaborated on the original pee-wee Herman show and I co-wrote his first movie pee-wee's big adventure and let me see how Vyra mistress of the dark but a lot of great stars and actors who work regularly like Edie McClurg Doug Cox yeah people you would recognize no I'm serious when you see them a lot and you would that's no I meant that seriously and then you worked in Germany you worked in Europe for a while well I went through a period about five years ago where I was searching for myself I'm doing that tonight I was inspired by the the miniseries Roots which they went on to make into a book I understand you know get to the root of my family tree and so I my mom worked out a little family tree I went to Ireland and England and France and and ended up in Germany where I ran out of money and I decided to put an act together and Germans really loved American culture and in character they're very much like the American people except they build better cars and we don't invade Poland every 40 years we I put together an act to raise some cash and and you would go around to what little Dorf Berlin yeah and it was a monster sensation and in Stern magazine they voted me the funniest man in Germany really yeah it was mainly just doing impressions and reflections on other things you do what can I do just a minute okay let's stand up and do it good Navin mana dominant Heron vid calling off the David Letterman Show nominees Philip Hoffman the seasons what kind of impression to Satan fantastis on a grand amerikanische comic our Jack Benny Oh Rochester help and pastors have much so the top banana me to film Flying Tigers look out of his way here he is coming John Wayne look out job John man but still even happy do flunk under depth perception examiner the Ville nicht Waffen MIT der Flying Tigers back I won't be sodden - Irish dish Jack Nicholson in Chinatown Jack Nicholson in chilled against Ephraim Marais though bist du intercourse and MIT - factor there bill McDonough pregnancy mid to sister Robin [Applause] thanks thanks a lot but I came back here and you know if you're not rich little they don't care did you ever run into Jack Nicholson ever do you know him at all I did run into Jack Nicholson um I you know I don't know if people realize this but the people on our show really get along great and I hang out with Dana Carvey and Jon Lovitz a lot and we were golfing together this seems like very strange day to begin with well golfing with the liar and the church lady yeah you know hey Jon what you get on that score a double eagle yeah but well we go to this little place out in Studio City and it's the only driving range out in the valley where my wife and I live and so we got to the first hole and who walks up behind us but Jack Nicholson and we were just we didn't know what to do we didn't know what to say we were so overwhelmed cuz you know we're obviously great fans so we teed off and we played to the second Hall which is the longest hole in this particular course and as a courtesy you're supposed to waive the player yeah so we we got to the green and in Jack played to the green and he came up and finally Lovitz broke down and went over to him and said hey you know my friend Phil Hartman actually replaced some dialogue for you in the movie the border which is truly used your voice in the film yes it was often times they have to replace dialogue in a film and Jack wasn't there to do it for the border I think he was off doing Red's in New York and so I auditioned and and and got to do his voice so you sound lies in that that's right and some of the lines and so I went up to and I said oh yeah I did your voice it's that scene where you leave the clothing store with Harvey Keitel and you turn to him and say I want to thank you and your wife for all your help and he smiled and said no wonder that movie was my only loser words of encouragement suggest they gotta go away I will be right back [Applause] [Music] the funniest man in Germany Phil Hartman Phil good to see you thank you very much for being here nice job and tomorrow night ladies and gentlemen Mike and the mechanics have a good night thanks everybody [Applause] you our first guest is a writer and actor and comedian who is part of the cast of characters on Saturday Night Live ladies and gentlemen here he is welcome back Phil Hartman [Applause] you know we're talking about you this afternoon before your appearance here and it didn't I didn't I wasn't aware of the fact that you were or were a Canadian that's right and soon to become an American to be an American citizen I applied for I'm very excited about it how long have you lived in this country 33 years really 33 years as a Canadian living in this country that's right what you call a permanent resident of the United States and and what what finally changed your mind to will become a citizen Wow when the Vietnam War finally ended no actually you know when you get older I have a family now and I'm starting to think about the importance of a vote and I feel especially strong about environmental issues I really I want the vote so in Los Angeles I applied for US citizenship and you know it's really funny I got an immigration attorney he gave me all these pamphlets and things to study for the test because the way it works is you apply and then you your big test is an oral interview and so I learned everything I learned the amendments to the Constitution the the checks and balances the three branches of government how many people are in the House of Representatives how many senators from every state of everything here are the questions they asked me let me give this test to you and see how you who is the president of the United that's a question yeah all right I know that one George excellent thank you excellent because people get this wrong as my attorney tells until they do they must get more difficult to questions they do get more difficult what are the three colors of the American flag now see that's correct but my attorney told me don't say blue white and red or red blue and white that's wrong has to be red has to be white okay how many of these can you get wrong and still become a citizen I I don't know I I know I got them all right I think it's an arbitrary choice of the person who's interviewing you okay the third question what is the purpose of the executive branch of the federal government what is the purpose of the executive branch yeah to just hold up a nice party once a year but the big question was what is the best car made in America do you have an answer for that I got it right it's the Honda Accord so if I'm cleared by the FBI I I will be the US well congratulations and you do you feel you of course you don't feel any different but it must be a some I know sense of pride for you all I know is I'll never have to go back to that oppressive Canadian regime things are going well for you up there Saturday Night Live this year things are going great you know it's just a thrill for me just to come into this build here the beautiful GE building well you know it was the RCA Building for 66 67 years but it's the GE building yeah soon to be maybe partly the Mitsubishi building be she building up the Rockefeller sold off a chunk of Rockefeller Center to pick up some ready cash what do you think they want that I don't know but I think it's part of that Deborah Norville deal BC and Norville got together in there taking over the show and the building yeah I think there's a there's a second female anchor theory to a Deadhead nerd that I've been out of town let's do a commercial here and we'll be right back [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] set your clock back missus did it for me oh that's that's very nice more woman's work than its what you're saying sorry honey daddy Liv we have a home here at home in nowhere or maybe just live here I have an apartment in New York and we make our home in Los Angeles so it's back and forth a lot you traveling a lot a lot yeah in fact flying to New York from LA last I mean we went on this MGM Grand right yeah it's it's it's all first-class 40 people on a 727 supposed to be very luxurious yeah it's kind of like a flying Las Vegas key no loud good a lot of brass it's glasburgh a builder we were very anxious because we have a 16 month old and he tends to get a little hyperkinetic on takeoffs and landings remember that Warner Brothers cartoon character the Tasmanian Devil oh yeah and basically a good yeah he's obsessed with the telephone I hope in a few years I'm not getting those $1,000 Hornet you know but does he actually phone people around the country no he just he just cradles the phone I guess on his typos honey and he talks in Chinese I don't downtown so it's you and your wife and I and lo and behold were seated in a private cabin with Elizabeth Taylor and we're so nervous because of Sean but actually everything when beautifully take off was smooth Sean had a bottle he was fine soon were having lunch we weren't talking didn't want to disturb her she said how old your son you know a little small talk I apologize when he threw a fork into her hair but we thought we were doing fine then it began Dave honestly this stream of obnoxious well-wishers who impose themselves on this woman Brynn and I were just in shock watching this parade and the first guy was the worst he was he was fiftyish ponytail aviator specs jeans big concho belt those cowboy boots with the silver cap toes Dave why do I hate those I don't know what those are for it's like am i a cowboy am i a robot I don't know he had from his elbow to his wrist about a dozen of those massive silver turquoise bracelets that went out of style era in the 70s right he plops down next to her kinda like a drunken hippie ha stand by I just had to talk to you you know thank you a peck just eenie meenie miney moe I'll go into the lavatory and cut it off my arm with a blowtorch just arraigned her for about a half an hour and he got up and another guy sat down you know they said Bob Murphy Long Island I don't know anybody we can talk in two weeks no pressure I'll be back later and then the captain comes by you know hijack lift my K like the 727 helluva graph isn't it I don't know if you see but I do a few barrel rolls she endured these people she nice does she see us patience no she was like a saint I'm telling you she sat there nodding smiling didn't say anything she just let them run out of their own steam and she left and then I figured hey what do I have to lose so I I asked her she wanted to host the show right and she said she'd love to in fact it's fine she said I'm very eager to do my impersonation of John Belushi which I thought was funny because he did that terrible impersonation of her when when we parted I took her hand in mine Dave and I told her what a lovely gracious woman I thought she was and she was very sweet and I pulled a little bit of a practical joke on her as I held her hand and I guess I can I can reveal it now Liz you can stop searching for the star I've got it right here so you actually got a ring offer my attention to keep though I know it's not a nice natured airline prank what was the name of the guy in the long island who handles the insurance level Bob Murphy Long Island ah and you just you just finished the film with Steve Martin well I'm writing a screenplay with Steve Moore oh jeez that's very excited and go into production shortly when within the turn of the millennium very funny always a pleasure to have you here [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh all right the golden Palomino what was the name of your golden Palomino Johnny Debbie was it Debbie it was Debbie Wow it was it was Wow Johnny pintos golden Palomino pal well the fun you guys used to have on that the great day yeah our next guest is a very versatile and a funny writer and performer who is getting ready for the return of Saturday Night Live they begin their season of this Saturday is it this scent I think it is Saturday or next Sunday a week I'm sorry this Saturday all right are all right so I made one damn mistake that's okay not man alive that's right it's a week from Saturday night ladies and gentlemen please welcome back in the program the multi-talented always funny Phil Hartman [Applause] [Music] [Applause] twist no no it's the dance that everybody could do hey buddy did you do it a great deal I do remember doing the twist people go through really silly phases don't they yes yes how was your summer fantastic what'd you do vacation work spend time with the family all those things all those things out on the coast the pace of life out there's finally started getting to me you don't like it so well huh well it's you know up in the morning and into the pool and after the golf goes down to the beach out on the sailboat you know scuba diving tennis and on and on if I'd like to drag out of your bug in mine [Applause] get back to New York back to the New York trip will bolt yourself into the high-rise apartment a listen to the gunfire and sirens down in the streets it's so relaxed you know this city it's gotten a bad rap lately yeah you're aware of this yes I am you read the paper I do read the papers it's just an affair still the greatest city in the world I was walking down sixth Avenue locally we call it Avenue of the Americas and I looked up at these skyscrapers Dave and I was overwhelmed with the feeling that this town is a monument to man's desire to be stacked on top of other men and I don't mean to sound sexist because yeah women like to be stacked too well all the women who've had implant surgery try to raise their hands it's so much energy because it was the first summer I really took off and pretty much relaxed scuba diving yeah one day doing it well I am really active you enjoy it yeah where'd you go San Clemente Island I was certified a couple years ago for diving you got explained went out to San Clemente Island for my advanced certification right Wow in which you have to do a deep dive up happy night 90 feet ninety feet that's where it gets serious because the deeper you go the more dangerous oh sure are I could have guessed that and you know 120 feet is the recommended limit for recreational death I didn't realize that yes so I went to 90 just skirting disaster and we actually douve a wreck a minesweeper that have been sunk San Clemente Islands 50 miles off the coast of San Pedro Cynthia there eight islands eight channel islands and I explored three of them - Wow Santa Cruz Island is fantastic so now it's the diving it's sailing I went to the Boat Show and Stanford yesterday I got to get a sailboat now they say the two happiest days in a man's life are the day he buys a boat and the day he sells above good so I'm gonna take what kind of boat would you be purchasing well a sailboat a sailboat yeah big sailboat no I think something you know 29 to 35 of these so a medium sized help yeah I'm Anna sailing club in Los Angeles we sail Erickson 32 and 34 is they really love it yeah let me get some of this stuff down fill now while you're enjoying yourself through the summer and pursuing your recreational activities and so on and so forth what are there things you do are you the kind of person that needs to ever be sharpening and honing acting skills you'd you'd go through any of that do you worry about that yes I do because you know doing Saturday Night Live for four years I've kind of got pigeon-holed into this comedy thing you knew that might happen when you signed on today was I was always a potential danger but my mom tells me I'm a great actor oh sure and and so I really want to get into some dramatic stuff and I really think I'd be great to play villain roles so this this this summer I worked out with this this is a toy I have a little two-year-old boy and this is one of his toys but I've been using it into a telephone I call it The Improv 5000 mm-hmm and I've been working with this and working on my new villain character and he's kind of a mobster kind of guy who does come on in Jimmy have a seat I think we should talk oh you want to be friends do you I'm sure you do seems like you want to be friends with everybody Jimmy like the DEA the district attorney what do you have to say for yourself oh yeah might be a permanent vacation [Laughter] rough him up a bit all right that's yeah seems like you're like talking to a lot of people you still a slimeball that's a $20 rap a hard time plan with you sir who gave you those ideas Joker's down at the preschool let me tell you something you play with me you play hard ball back maybe we should play a little five-card draw yeah Joker's wild jacks are better only the stakes are a little heavier than you might have thought guys it's one of the things you learn in Sing Sing roughing up a little bit he's repeating himself we might have done brain damage you know [Applause] The Improv 5000 thank God the batteries didn't give out anyway next week you begin your new season and this will be your your fifth up there or your fifth and final year this actually is your final year pretty sure a lot of great things happen to me this summer I wasn't separated at birth - yeah I got my name in TV Guide last week 33 acrost and SNL star flag partner I was I was just signed to appear on Sesame Street my favorite show because of absolutely soyou're you feel like it may be time to take a step into but I also sold NBC on my own show which I'll be doing next [Applause] we'll be right back [Music] our first guest is a very funny and talented writer and performer who can be seen weekly on the Saturday Night Live program look at this man at some of the wonderful and amusing things he does on a weekly basis [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] did you see yeah thank you Dave lazy to be how you doing how's the big show going how many years have you been part of the cast up there I'm starting year six Wow that's great isn't it it is great I just finished my 95th show congratulations thank you and it's it was every bit as exciting as the 93rd show Wow and and let's see the first week it was Michael Jordan yeah yeah well that must have been interesting fun what was that I've never been more excited about a host frankly and he's such a sweet man yeah you know it's kind of surprising he's I'd even say he was ultra warm touchy-feely kind of a guy really just the hugging people lifting him up kissing them on the floor it's good and then we had Jeff Daniels of fine I delivered a great show and this week it's Kirstie Alley mm-hm and I'm perhaps you've observed we have a lot of new cast members there are now 25 people in the cast and we have 130 featured players and but it's great because well after 95 shows yeah like a father figure uh I took the kids for a tour of Rockefeller Plaza that was nice have you ever noticed it you know those skating rink area oh yeah this time of year of course it's an outdoor restaurant and did you ever notice that that skating rink is surrounded by the flags of every nation yeah I've noticed that there were a lot of flags and I I think probably I could have told you it was yeah every night for now okay well did you know that the flags of every nation are surrounded by the hot dog vendors of every nation it's our own little Plaza of Babel and it's you know if you haven't had a hot dog on the streets in New York you really must try them because not only are they delicious but they're one of the most powerful laxatives known to man especially with that his sauerkraut that was aged in the back of someone's car all right let's let's talk about something a little more pleasant than the hot dogs in the sauerkraut the last time you run you're talking about your your family a little bit in your son who is now I guess the three years older so three and a half yeah doesn't add does he is he had an age where well I don't know that he would want to be staying up that like to see on TV but he's seen you he must have seen you on on tapes and television yeah he's seen me on TV sometimes he requests me I played Captain Carl on pee-wee's Playhouse so he's seen me there but I think because we videotape him so much he thinks everybody's on TV yes see I think that that's probably gonna happen to an entire generation it's absolutely the truth and I had a great summer because I pretty much took the summer off and I got to spend a lot of time sure them yeah and it was it was wonderful well you know we were out in California which I like I don't want to hype people on California because it's certainly no paradise I mean it's smoggy and crowded and frankly they're all altogether too many guys with that little ponytail there I really don't get that I know I'm not a critical person I don't actually it does come in handy if you have two of them they can pull you around on rollerblades it's like I feel like at some point well look at the band members they're all the hippest guys in in music said you don't have a ponytail thing in the back hall doesn't know you just gotta let go of the 60s at some point and move forward but it's like it's like the fake-out haircut you know when they're coming at you it's like hey I'm a normal guy no I'm totally cool but that's me you know last time here I was complaining about those cowboy boots that have the metal cap on your toe like I'm a cowboy I'm a robot what am I I guess I have a problem with that and that's my problem I'll get over it yeah we are I don't think it actually is a problem I've wondered about that too because the ponytail was here and then it went away and then like you're like you say now it's sort of back and guys can can slip into it easily and readily when you don't know it yes yeah you can spot guys who ponytail themselves on weekends exactly yeah that's a clip-on yeah that's right we have to do a commercial and we'll be back with the thoughtful it [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] tonight also Belinda Carlisle you know Belinda boy yeah she's a lovely lovely woman a very nice woman and formerly one of the go-go's I knew her when she was a go oh and also on the program tonight Jimmy Breslin now let's talk a little bit about some of the other stuff you do when you're not doing a Saturday night level sailing oh yeah my Big Love we how long have you been a sailor do you come from a sailing family no actually I I have one you know I I'm one of eight kids and I have one sister and another brother who are avid ocean people who were serviced in Southern California but that's about it but I just I'm in love with the sea you see Dave would you like some music could I have some bubbles oh boy just say the word will heat that right up there you see Dave this sea is like a woman sometimes she's passive and submissive sometimes she Rises with fury and power she can make you feel very small of course there's the constant nagging and belittling the repeated accusations that you've been with another body of water which is ridiculous because I only sail the Pacific I did have that one little fling with Long Island Sound but I am NOT proud of him so I felt filthy after us [Laughter] and then scuba diving which you gotta you gotta get into a woman to really know her now do you you combine the two you you say a lot to him yes and dive and then sail home yes that the the offshore islands in Southern California are the best part of Southern California there's no people there they haven't changed since one Cabrillo yeah went there and started giving the natives diseases and things by the way you watching this Columbus thing on PBS you know man it's great that's really great should I be watching it yeah I well you like to see a woman or it just doesn't get back to the bubbles people don't like scuba though because it's the only sport where you can get swallowed whole yeah but I I think it's great because you know it's it's like a parallel universe you go underwater and and the animals are so friendly they come right up to you they'll eat out of your hand and and there's no equivalent to that I mean you can walk through Central Park the people will eat out of your hand the ad will stay away but see I have a problem with that I've done some snorkeling not a lot but some and I always feel just as happy after spending an hour snorkeling if I haven't seen anything that makes me just as happy as if I have seen something well that's true snorkeling is snorkeling us about 80 percent as much fun as scuba diver yeah but don't you worry about something that might go for you or sever your air hose or something oh you know only beforehand like the night before I feel like a fool and a cow or naked in my bunk and then but while I'm down there I've done night dives deep dives rec dives what's the what's the deepest you've been 580 feet really it was an accident I fell overboard one night I wish this was years ago I was wearing goes platform shoes a lot of change in the pockets yeah let's see this this week you mentioned it's uh our CEO that's very crispy alley and musically who will be up there I'm gonna have a shot at it myself I haven't talked to the producers about well it'll be a little double treat for everyone tuning in nice to see you again Phil thanks [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] now the fun officially begins our first guest a very entertaining writer and performer who is currently in the middle of his sixth season on Saturday night light it seems like only yesterday he was joining the cast of that television ladies get on in the middle of his sixth year up there at Saturday Night Live watch this videotape and you'll see some of what he does each week [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] start looking around you're gonna hurt yourself it's tomfoolery that was quite a show business entrance there why whatever do you mean did well yeah you come out there you're kind of dancing and and this is a little odd for you isn't it I mean not out it's a nice-looking jacket but it's a little you're referring to the new look yeah yeah you know the the bloated middle-aged father a to thing wasn't working out for me [Laughter] filled ice Hartman thing wild one way cool but you know you never want to look too cool right yeah so hence what's the last thing you would expect to see on the back of a black jacket a chart for the Heimlich maneuver [Applause] hated minute day but I think you're right well I went for the second last thing it wouldn't it quite possibly be this Edwin yeah who used to do a radio program out of this very building this very Network yeah very very funny talented comedian actor yeah I think he would have been a good choice to play the wild one Brando couldn't do it you know it's like why don't we rubella good day [Applause] the sweetest damn crowded cuz you know that was weak no that was fine now where where did this come from this is something that was given to me by a fan that's the honest here that was in Malawi and Lahaina there's guy in Maui named bud the Birdman he's on friends Street and he has 12 parrots and you come up and he and he'll take your picture with 12 parrots on you and I ran into him III did the parrot number on the street one day and then I ran into him in a restaurant he was wearing this and I said man that's a great jacket me sit here it's yours Wow and of course you know like you want to wear one of these in Maui anyway I said yeah I'll take it and save your life but anyway well it looks very nice now let's let's talk about your versatility as a comedic performer you didn't the man of a thousand yes that's what I was gonna point out you do an awful lot of voices don't trip yes could you demonstrate some of the voice pick a number any number ya want between one and a thousand all right well obviously let's start with one well that's my natural voice well that's my natural voice yeah what when do we get into the catalog would that be like wow all right number number number two number two is Michael Caine Michael Caine yeah this week it's Michael Caron one of my favorite a very appealing act and there's a trick to doing Michael Caine if you want to speak like Michael Caine you must only say a few words at a time [Applause] all right we have over 900 more to go so well we'll do a commercial we'll be right back with Phil Hartman [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] Blues Traveler and Michael Lerner this is not a this is not a bad show at all is it your entertainment firstly how shall we continue on with voices you want to talk about other matters I don't know dude just a couple more voices okay give me a number 18 Walter Brennan they're not an alphabetical order that I know there's no rhyme or reason to it really in fact to be perfectly honest there's not really a thousand is there like a hundred are you are you a home man of a hundred voices that sounds kind of oh that's pretty good are you always adding voices always well you know now I got Bill Clinton yeah let's hear that oh we saw you know Bill Clinton if if he wins talk about job security day about me I'll be on Saturday Night Live another four years he's got some good ideas I think we should vote for him right okay maybe but have you seen his new promos nope a vote for me puts you in the sweepstakes of the of the Bill Clinton award giving his and hers Corvettes just like the ones Hillary and I'd ride [Applause] hehe looks like the first guy you would see at the fraternity house homecoming morning right there by the keg ready to go I was surprised how much I looked like and we're both the same amount overweight you know so just put that wig on bingo let's talk a little bit about your new baby hey new baby girl congratulate their nothing more wonderful and and and and my wife and I are very excited we're pretty sure we'll be able to sell her had a good night's sleep and sex with it that might have been the jacket talking is it tough the first six weeks well since my wife carries them among the mammalian responsibilities in our family it's tougher on her yeah I I have to we're going for the breastfeeding approach yeah it's medically proven to be good and and the babies doing it too [Applause] and filling to my boats oh yeah I was gonna ask you about sailing yeah you know I bought a new sailboat I now have a powerboat an assumed that good but my favorite thing is is to take the power boat and run up to Point Dume where Johnny neighborhood you don't lived all over there you know Johnny Carson has this big house on a cliff yeah and so I've got this powerboat and I go up there and I drop anchor in and in the middle of the night I get on a bull you know you have children well get you sitting there like that saying those things you have children it's a little guy you know he's just a ball with the baby yeah no he he's three and a half and he went to school and he and we found out he told this story got up at show-and-tell and he said a plane came and brought a little girl to my house and she stay and stay very cute yeah you told the kid that FedEx brought the baby and the Big Show this weekend how are things going there now excellent how about Mary Stuart Masterson yeah good how do you have before you're finished for the year for more after this one and then in the fall you're coming back for your seventh season with them that's very good for you nice to see you [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] you [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] okay let's bring out our first guest we have a lot to talk to this man about ladies and gentlemen will bring Phil Hartman out here in a second he is an accomplished performer and writer he's been huh what and so someone someone was hooting who was hooting was that you but what the hell was that for please don't hoot he's in his seven he's in his seventh season up there on Saturday Night Live thank you here now take a look at some Phil Hartman's work on Saturday Night Live gentlemen here is Phil [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] look we have similarly colored two jackets how about that drab is the color of the Caesar who's cooler than we are ain't a single person feel nice to see you let me ask you how you are how was your summer and then I want to get right to the other thing okay well it's always a pleasure to be on good the great television show modern television history and because television is a modern invention I guess we could say Late Night with David Letterman is the greatest television show I know I know you want to bite me showering preys on you personally I'll take a little of it no I'm not gonna do that because you're a modest man and I think you prefer not to be singled out but there are elements of this show that I think it's time we called attention to first of all the new opening huh closest thing to an acid flashback I've had and yes I want to mention the writing on the show to it yeah because well it's first class and what is truly admirable to me is your policy that you use to hire writers this whole idea of taking troubled youth off the street it's about time somebody cared Dave you give them a sense of belonging I don't have to tell you you know this this man is the father Flanagan of late night time you you couldn't use a blister pack of artificial warts for your show good now what I want to know about is tell us everything you know everything you saw about this Sinead O'Connor situation on your show Saturday night Sinead O'Connor comes out sings the song tears up the picture and the place goes crazy yeah well the press covered it with it was a quick change in her part she had held up a picture of a child know that was different than air she well this number I was hurt and offended I don't know if anybody noticed but I refuse to get on stage with her at the end of the show and that's the first thing I noticed Hil I don't push my political agenda on anybody else I don't object to her for her feelings I mean this is a very volatile issue especially in her country the whole idea of woman's rights but she killed the comedy on that show in the last half-hour that is unforgivable to me plus the fact that I was brought up in a large Catholic family is that right how many folks in the family my parents and 8 9 10 kids whatever it was we were taught from childhood you do not tear up a picture of the Ponte if you have a choice between doing it and not doing it what you do is not yeah similarly the nuns taught us with the Catechism you do not put Hitler mustaches on the 12 apostles you do not drip you know goat's blood on a stack of Perry Como Ali so for me as an erstwhile Catholic this is like Pope I couldn't believe it and I'm angry I was very angry after the show hence I didn't get up and now I feel that urge for vengeance I what I'm gonna do is when she does a concert in New York City if she has them after one of her songs I'm gonna jump up on stage and tear up a photo of Uncle Fester [Applause] our curly Howard mr. clean Phil do me a favor if you can we have pretty much the entire show that you're doing Saturday night right here on our show tonight we have yourself and of course the guest star Joe Pesci how's he working out up there well I wouldn't look in the trunk of his car all right let's do a commercial I don't know what that means remember Goodfellas oh yeah and we'll be back here with Phil Hartman [Applause] [Music] [Applause] Phil Hartman as you can see with your own two eyes has joined us this evening a little bit later hmm the guest star of his program Saturday night Saturday Night Live Joe Pesci will be with us and a very funny young man Jeff Stilson will be out here a bit later where were we what the hell were we talking about well I know what I wanted to ask you you you work here in New York City you live still in California that's right right now where have you made a larger group of friends here or is it a bunch of bigshot Hollywood phonies out there in California well actually my best friends out there the Hollywood phonies I met on our show iron neighbors and we hang out a lot with Jon Lovitz and I do a lot of sailing oh of course I'm very close to Ed McMahon now congratulations how did that happen it was a well the ad McMahon phenomenon is sort of sweeping around the country you know yes everyone is saying yes you are correct sir and hey-oh it's sweeping around the Pacific Rim in Japan they say all the former Axis powers are getting on the bandwagon we hope that it'll spread around the world community and also thanks to you yeah and so so one of them just the side benefits is I got me dad are you spending more time with him not at a time yeah son yeah it's fun he's a terrific guy and he's taught me about drinking you know I was early why kind of kind of went with that attitude oh no carnage on the highways broken home stay away man taught me how to power drag and slug it [Applause] I didn't know about the whole feud between him and doc all these years I know I didn't because you know you know how Johnny used to always make fun of Doc's clothes there well it turns out whatever Edie did it you know and commented on a spark concert Hey Oh shot that guy and then doc found out that Edie had a fear of sharks and and so doc hired some guys to capture a great white shark and they put it in a water tank and they took it up to Ed's house in Bel Air and they got a bunch of Teamsters to make a harness and carry the shark up and his backyard sitting by the pool having a snort divorce he had his wits about him he took a case the Budweiser threw it in the sharks there's a shark but down a thing exploded like in Jaws it was all we had we had shark steaks all summer and you're saying you're saying Teamster is actually transported the shark yeah you you you've been drinking a little today no the thing is you don't drink every day there's a jet you don't drink every day you drink one day all day - a couple of days off one day yeah you have to stagger it you have to pace yourself absolutely don't move on your day huh don't try to move The Big Show Saturday yourself everybody else Joe Pesci spin-doctors yes spin-doctors great banjo Pesci one of the greatest character actors of our generation generation I'm very excited all right well we're very excited to have had you down here our ownselves feel good to see again [Applause] [Music] hello I'm Joe Pesci and I'm hosting Saturday Night Live this week during my career I've worked with such great names as Mel Gibson and Robert DeNiro now I've got these two idiots [Applause] [Music] [Applause] who has more fun on their little TV talk show than we do right here one day that was that was cult-like not only is it entertaining but I'm reducing what I do it the pounds are just melting away you know kids for the past seven seasons our first guest has been a principal member of the fine ensemble cast upstairs at Saturday Night Live here take a look now at this man at work Phil Hartman ladies gentlemen please welcome back [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] you know Phil you you could be the hardest-working man in show business I was watching I was watching your program one weekend and it was 90 percent you you were in everything that might have been the Luke Perry show nice to see ya well I can't tell you how happy I am to be here always always happy to have you here you know David last time I was here I complimented you on certain elements of the show and I appreciate it it was very flattering of you thank you well shall we call I mentioned I admire your writing staff and your whole policy of acquiring writers by hiring troubled youth off the streets Covenant House yeah it's the father Flanagan of late-night okay this time I wanted to mention another element that is very special in our show and that is your producer Robert Morton can you imagine what it's like to produce this show this man lives in a whirlwind of decision-making and problem-solving I mean who's the guy when cher cancels who's the guy who caused the insect lady in the middle of the night can you come in and Moses with guests after guests a torsos then he has to decide Oh was it the Pasta Pomodoro at the Green Point the muscles are the Shapley or the Zinfandel or the you know the creme brulee the foodie man who does it and the only man producing television today with a prison haircut and I say that you must be are you happy that Bill Clinton won the election because that's that's kind of like your signature now you you do all of the Clinton work up there well Dave you know along with being the fake president responsibility I know that the American people look to me for a certain amount of air Zots inspiration and and I take this bogus mandate from the people very seriously yeah I don't want to let anybody down yeah I'm happy to say that that one perk out of impersonating mr. Clinton is that we become very fast friends no that's not true yes it is dead yes we I guess we what the young people call hang together [Applause] I shut 'old down to Washington every chance we spend a lot of time together we sneak out of the White House and hit the local watering hole so as a matter of fact we do it incognito and unfrozen came my air makeup and the first time we met we met at midnight at the Lincoln Memorial mm-hmm he sat on one knee I said oh that's tender and he he shocked me somewhat before his candor he confided in me he said you know Phil I have to tell you this because later you gonna find out twenty-five years ago at Oxford University I did inhale I had a bong in my dorm room the size of a grain silo I smoked everything I could get my hands I stick banana peels lawn clippings he said heck I'm kind of wrecked right now then he was wrecked oh he was really messed up apparently when he came up with that economic Australia oppose the use of drugs of any kind oh good a little coffee occasional case of beer that's it for me an occasional case like for the week a case for the month well you know we can talk later about distribute you by the way I think you have distinguished yourself here tonight in one other regard you I believe are the first person ever in the history of this program to use the word heir sots congratulations nicely done [Applause] yeah it means faith there you go we we have to do a commercial and when we come back and want to you're still a man of a thousand voices right that's right all great maybe we can hear a couple will continue kid [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] here's James Brown will join us and also the the lovely the lovely and talented Rachel Hunter now Phil I I guess people know this maybe unofficially that you it only adds up that you would be the man of a thousand voices but literally you do a thousand different voices that's right and occasionally when you're on the show you asked me to pick a number right yes between one and a thousand of course not number one day because that's my we just heard that was yeah well so strictly speaking you're kind of cheating on that aren't you a little bit 999 okay let me let me pick a number two twenty eight twenty eight is twenty eight is Paul Ford remember Colonel Hall from the bilko show yes I do I used that same voice I did sixty five episodes of Dennis the Menace cartoon show and I used that voice for mr. Wilson mr. Wilson yeah so 20 wise 29 would be Phil Silvers well I now that that answers my other question apparently they're not an alphabetical order that no certainly not you ought to try another one yeah okay eighty-two oh well you know you're getting up there 82 is one I'm working on a good friend of yours Charles Grodin oh that now that's tough he's tough yeah I'm not sure I've got it but close your eyes does this sound like him Beethoven get off of that couch oh look he's slobbering all over every good and I'm guessing if you can do that you probably do a little Jack many because there is a similarity there there is you know he really has a similar quality well you know Dave it's wonderful to me exactly I would someday love to portray Jack Benny I think we resemble each other somewhat was some facial resemblance and mannerisms yeah he was surely the sweetest soul in show business and unbelievably funny if you the last couple of weeks I was actually listening to some of his old radio show yeah and they are you think well they're gonna sound old they're gonna sound silly but they don't they sound new and funny and smart and sharp and that's great let's talk about your film speaking of stuff that's unbelievable the CB 40 cb4 cb4 cb4 t is the car wax this thing is like the biggest blockbuster film since Wayne's World all of a sudden yeah it's it's really it's the number-one movie right now and last weekend with the storm hitting the eastern seaboard it it probably would have done a lot better I'm sure this weekend will be will be quite great [Applause] did it sounded like someone's sneaking a pig in or out of the studio I'm very happy for Chris Rock my buddy upstairs because he he opened the movie he's fantastic in the film it's a very funny movie and if you are an african-american between the ages of 18 and 24 like Dave the band and me I know well you've probably already seen this weekend the the guest host on miranda Richardson who is just a sublime actress from damage The Crying Game and she was on Black Adder television series 2 but she's our host with soul asylum I music related to Ralph Richardson Ian just took a shot and asked I'll check into this all right good to see if it's the congratulations on everything [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] evander holyfield a very nice man did you happen to see the fight it was a great fight a lot of action a lot of excitement and and it's good to see him get it back it's nice it's a great story from the world of sports and now here's the weather for the past eight seasons our next guest has delighted adults and children alike with his fine ensemble work on the television programs Saturday Night Live ladies and gentlemen here now take a look at this man in action on that very same program [Music] [Applause] [Music] and still my heart that feels so good it must be a gratifying feeling for you very gratifying you know I was I was the fourth of eight children I really didn't get a lot of attention is it good could you do me a favor could I make one more entrance and and and how could you really push that applause machine and and guys really play your hearts out an audience I want you to share like oh it's a heavyweight champion I'm just gonna cheer like you're getting free Wonder Bread yeah the back and make an interest from the back of the thing all right he's gonna try it again [Applause] it's nice of Phil to take time out of his softball coaching responsibilities are we all set for this ladies and gentlemen please welcome Phil Hartman [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] is that young man in the sweatshirt - I think is that good did you enjoy that [Music] what's the matter what's wrong you know I shouldn't try to fill the void inside me from a neglectful childhood with applause or anything that's alright we enjoyed it oh I'm gonna have to indulge you one more time oh well lord knows we got nothing but time here tonight you you want to try another one yeah and this time well I don't want you guys to play at all I just got to balance up maybe a little guilty now yes it's it's guilt because I don't nobody deserves that kind of education oh how many people in the audience have a last name that begins with s that's too many T ok everybody whose last name begins with T I went when Dave introduces me I want you to just go like this I want no music hell no apply son ok right one more time you by the way you better be good when you get out here man all right I guess it's everybody with a last name beginning T responds in kind of an apathetic fashion if I understand the drill ladies and gentlemen here he is Phil Hartman [Applause] [Music] haha [Applause] Wow turned ugly their defense it's just too bad are you feeling better now the sick thing is David still feels pretty good well that's any kind of attention yeah good for you because we are out of time we'll be right back ladies gentlemen with Phil [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] the Bodines will be out of it later what can you tell us of yourself tell us a little bit about your career how long have you been on Saturday Night Live is it eight years yeah this is an eighth year that's an amazing accomplishment congratulations thank you I I will finish this season with a hundred and fifty three episodes under my belt and that's the record and you get to keep those I understand that's right everyone and I didn't get to keep mine and then and then will you are you considering I know you do a lot of film work in the off season you have other things in mind well I'm gonna do my own show for NBC the Phil show which will be a sketch comedy show and I was out in California last week meeting with potential producers and writers and we're gonna try to mount it next year as you're talking about an hour long weekly kind of half-hour or sketch comedy show 9:00 p.m. s kind of thing well if there's anyone who can do it and make it work at you you're just the best of that oh I only need 40 Miller million people like you yeah and but you know if that but I got backup plans galore oh really well you have to have a contingency yeah because you know it's a crapshoot television there's no guarantees and when a thing I've always thought about doing is a one-man show that would be great you'd be perfect Oh Broadway what theater well not in a theater I'm talking about standing out in Times Square uh-huh yelling at people working out very good I think but you know I'm also doing some song writing really well that's good there's a lot of money in music oh sure yeah yeah I had Thanksgiving at Paul Simon's house man big house so I'm doing some writing I write about things that I love like I'm working on a song about snorkeling with show Oh this weekend I spent in Catalina Island snorkeling was just beautiful and you know it's so transcendental davia it's like going to another dimension it mind-expanding be in in the water world other world and yet it's it's it's natural you know it's not like dangerous drugs not sure as we all know are not say well it says dangerous right that's right drugs yeah but but snorkeling is totally safe and I wrote a song about it you want to hear can we hear this on my own because it's very complex a little too complex for the likes of you it's kind of its kind of a jazz fusion thing all right here we go one snorkel makes you larger and one snuggle makes you smile you know I got this the song Department of that I'm in big big trouble there it's a matter well I'll be unemployed I think you have a huge future and yeah if you have a friend in the White House well yeah that's right I I met the president he hit it off pretty well yeah we did I met him at a fundraiser here in New York really a neat guy yeah I must say we we wrapped we we got high together no store clang we went snorkeling together easy does it one day at a time now when you're talking with the president do you talk like the president back and forth to him no I I don't want to embarrass him I mean I just like to be as his bud we do hang together you see I get to see a side of him that other people don't see well sure well that's good he he's really under a lot of pressure day he'll call me in the middle of the night and I hear this plaintive voice you know like well well what's up I'm bombing man this small you thing is a nightmare Rosie O'Donnell he's good James Taylor another great rather great songwriter here is ladies and gentlemen mr. Phil Hartman Phil thank you [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] Oh leave me out here alone [Music] [Applause] you know let's get on for the past eight seasons our first guest has been entertaining America with his fine work on a wonderful program called Saturday Night Live now he is in a brand-new motion picture called greedy which opens March 4th ladies and gentleman please welcome screen idol Phil Hartman yeah [Applause] [Music] will hurt man ladies gentlemen [Applause] hello area never better Dave how are you don't you look a little different you have something you have like a like a little magic marker or something there on your upper lip it's a drawn on mustache everybody can pull that off but on you it looks great Phil it's kind of a retro look you want a light for your cigarette I know I'm a nonsmoker dude I'm proud to announce that I'm the new spokesperson for the American tobacco growers association didn't realize that congratulations yes and I'm the first nonsmoker to be granted this opportunity I'm very excited about it you know the industry is these medical reports associating smoking with health arrest have really really hurt us huh at the big summit meeting in Raleigh North Carolina was determined but the way to save the industry was to somehow get non-smokers to buy cigarettes that's brilliant hence our new motto just one pack a week that's all we ask and what do you if you don't smoke what can you do with that pack a week I'm glad you asked Dave a cigarette can be used in many ways but for one thing you just look cool that is undeniable something for your kids to remember you look sophisticated you look older if you actually want to be older don't smoke or you want to look cool it's also you can you can be emphatic with it for example Hartman you're fired end of story [Laughter] you can't fire me I quit yeah okay [Applause] I'm not through yet now as you know smokings very romantic oh sure you know and the wife comes downstairs in a stunning new outfit nothing shows your appreciation better than this move you look cool you are cool you're out to dinner you want to show her that your hard boiled like a private eye like a really tough game yeah I'm a sucker for long legs I'd like to shinny up 20 years like a native boy looking for coconuts [Music] [Applause] and have my finally you've had a wonderful night out on the town you're both bushed the wife comes out of the closet in a Victoria's Secret whole outfit yes you give it one of these pictures were the thousand how long will it take you to get the mustache off I might just might believe this song yeah it makes your teeth look whiter I believes my teeth I'm not ashamed is that you want to tell me a little bit about your uh your family did you come from a big family of a lot of brothers and sisters I'm from a big family I want to baked my goodness and you know it was pretty desperate didn't get a lot of attention that's why I'm craving it so much now but you know we one thing my brothers and sisters and I were quite inventive we had our own language and it was a it was a secret language we developed called egg latin and for some reason we could all speak it fluently and it involved taking the syllable egg and putting it in every syllable of a word before the vowel and after the consonant like Dave would be de gave and and and Phil would be faggio and you know I don't understand this but that's give me a sentence and I'll translate it to my mom had reindeer for lunch mega mega mega dragon de Geer figure leggins [Applause] [Music] we used to we used to use it to say dirty words without getting busted by our parents like I got llegue shagging a yes Hegel thank you figure kegging shake it hagen my legal [Music] very impressive we have to do a commercial here welcome back and we'll continue chatting with mr. smooth Phil Hartman right after this [Applause] [Music] and Michael Madsen let's see filled we were you know it seems to me you know III think I met him since you were here was her Hillary Clinton and I because you do her husband President Clinton I have this image that you went down to the White House once don't you know the president haven't you met the guy yeah well I met him in a fundraiser here in New York and it was nice enough but he does he like does he like what you do well I found out the hard way that he really doesn't like what I do I was invited to perform at the Royal Variety show which is a show in London for the Queen and Prince Philip raise money for the royal family good idea yeah so they actually went through the orbiters of inviting me and Robert girl from Planet Hollywood set it up and and I was very excited about it because I have a Clinton Act I do and then it turns out that the Prime Minister's office got concerned because of our long-standing relationship with the United States we certainly don't want to jeopardize our relationship and so they called the White House and they went on it and it was very disappointing and I think it's because I've been doing this Clinton Act and it's pretty mean what kind of stuff well I do this thing where I take questions from the audience and it's like a town meeting do you do it with the mustache no this is the suave Billy a little like Sean Connery there I notice you mind if I have a cigarette [Laughter] so as Clinton I did some some pretty hurtful jokes like here's a question did you or did you not inhale yes I did inhale in my dorm room at Oxford University I had a bong the size of a grain silo I smoked everything I could get my hands on Maui Wowi tie stick Humboldt County chartreuse banana peels lawn clippings hell I'm kind of wrecked right now [Applause] but this is this is a joke that really upset him because it hits them where he lives I think in her Penthouse magazine interview Jennifer flowers said you have a small penis do you ladies and gentlemen I don't have a small penis Gennifer Flowers has a big mouth [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] you think bill would have a better sense oh the kind of taxes I'm playing I should be allowed to sucker punch that negative feeling you're gonna be audited now let's talk a little bit about that greedy tell me about this movie this is you Kirk Douglas who else is in the film oh by Michael J Fox Douglas Nancy Travis they're really great ensemble and it's it's really my my movie break so I'm kind of it but you've been in many other big films before yeah I've been in and I've probably done a dozen forgettable miniscule roles but this was my first big part seven weeks work and I play the villain in the movie and it was really a lot of fun now Kirk Douglas is a wealthy guy he's got a huge estate a lot of relatives folks fighting to be in the will is that pretty much it that's all right can we look at a couple of seconds here oh I'd love to all right al do me a favor roll a couple of seconds here of the film greedy with Phil Hartman [Applause] Archer I hope it's a big hit for you and good luck to you I understand there's a possibility of you doing your own show in the fall I hope that goes great you're you're just the best feel nice to see you thank you very much for being here [Music] that off the Conan O'Brien or John Stewart or somehow ladies gentleman for eight years our first guest delighted and entertained us on Saturday Night Live now he's starring in a brand new motion picture entitled houseguest which opens on Friday please welcome back Phil Hartman areas [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] hey you doin Happy New Year welcome back to the program thank you so very much for being here you know you're one of our favorite guests we always enjoy your appearances and your visits we like your little wacky anecdotes and your stories and and your comedy sticks thanks Dave what's the matter with you nothing what's the problem what do you're upset about something did I say something to hurt Natalie what's the matter well you know I haven't been in New York in seven months oh and I would have expected a more of an enthusiastic it doesn't count you've had the rest yeah well you know BAE you're talking about a little more exciting exciting introduction well yeah you know I mean I did eight years on Saturday yes sir you held that thing together too buddy I think what we can do if you want to go out and make another entrance I think we can heat this up a little bit for you that's right I love to see that smile on your face yeah you you go out you go out and then come back in and it'll be much better all right this is you know this is great this is a wonderful opportunity to make a very talented young man a very happy young man as well we're gonna do this let me know when everything's right we can have a big time very exciting introduction for a good it's you know it's the very least we can do for this guy after all the entertainment he's given us the American viewing public that's nice of you to say are we all set yeah we're good is everything in place oh okay all right here we go take it away [Music] from Brantford Ontario went 5 feet 10 inches tall 195 pounds the star of the new motion picture houseguest found four funniest man alive ladies and gentlemen how about a warm Ed Sullivan Peter welcome for our first guest the one the only Phil man [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] well what do you think about that buddy that's a little better now after you've had a little beverage there what do you want to talk about do you miss being on Saturday Night Live oh sure that must have been a lot of fun oh there's so many things about it I missed it well one thing that springs to mind it just ran around to Broadway 153 man that's a lot of work of live 90-minute television shows yep and yeah every Saturday night before the show free catered meal Wow free catered meal choice of entrée salads breadsticks desserts we have cookies we have cookies and snacks right in there it's big morale bliss there what else how about the camaraderie of the cast members and so forth all of those sketches and the fun that you made of Bill Clinton then like that was a hell hole actually Loren Michaels was a nice man he's the producer of the show the big it's very warm to me you know he had box seats at Yankee Stadium that's great so he used to take me to Yankee games oh it seems every week he would invite an incredibly famous person one week Louis Malle the French director he's married to Murphy Brown yeah a sportscaster yeah very nice man but I sat next time at the game he didn't understand how baseball solo-e ma thinks the object of the game is for the pitcher to hit the batter on the head with the ball and the batter tries to foul tip the ball up over his head into the netting so the guys with the fishnets and snagging you want to go out again oh hey hey hey we got to do a commercial you sit right there catch your breath buddy when we come back we'll live it up all right commercial we'll be right back [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] hey Phil Hartman is on the program Marv Albert and a Marvis brought his year-long accumulation of the best of the bloopers you know he has the wacky world of the sports bloopers we have tonight the compilation of Marv's year-end best all-time blooper package and Rita Wilson I bet you know her have you met her before yeah well she's married to Tom Hanks and in fact Rita and I were in the groundlings together in Hollywood didn't realize it we did a movie together Cheech & Chong's next movie we each had a little bit parts in that place is crawling with dopers and not a minute too soon so with your free time now because you're not working that regular schedule of doing a show every week well have you been relaxed I've been having a great time you know what I've been training as a pilot oh wow 30 hours toward my private pilot you know I just love it are you good at it you got to be good at it well you have to be good enough to stay in the air I mean well I did solo you know that's the first big thing you build not the first big thing they don't just put you in the plane and let you go no no no but but after a minimum of 20 hours of training you're allowed to practice landings on your own I did that last have you scared yourself yet I've had a few close calls you know it's kind of weird because my my flight instructor Dan is he's a world war two fighter pilot well that's good the best he was the best yeah he helped save democracy he bailed out over Normandy and he hit his head on his tail of his plane and he's got a big steel plate in his head so he's a little flying along and I look over and he'll be talking to himself like never leave your wingman you can't leave your wingman Bogey's come out of the Sun how can you see him when I come out of the scariest thing he does though sometimes he just kind of snaps grabs of controls and goes into a powered dive on the but that's a plate in his head as it ever foul up the compass I think that would be too trouble it actually improves my radio received for you but I do love flying and it's you know when you were when you were leaving Saturday Night Live we talked to you I don't know whatever was three four or five months ago you're talking about going on to start your own variety show the Phil show that's right it's not gonna happen I actually I'm gonna do a version of it for my son's kindergarten class I'm gonna make a little proscenium out of a cardboard box and we're you know I'll do the funny voices and the characters and sock puppets and see what snacks afterwards the free fish I thought you had a like a deal with the TV network to do this show well what happened was you seen so many people talented people to fail trying to bring variety to primetime I do it every night but no you're the king of late-night yeah yeah thank you doctor Oh on television we're not worried about you okay what about and and so you know well Martin Short I had my own huge very funny he really makes me laugh and when his show went under I got scared I should say got scared well for seven weeks I shivered in the corner naked with the lights out and so I I just decided not to do it but my friends at NBC the peacock people you remember them make sure you yes I do it's all in the book no they they actually did right by me and steered me into a new show that was created by a former employee of yours Paul since the Larry Sanders created a show called well it's tentatively titled news radio it said in a news radio station in Manhattan and I co-star with Dave Foley from kids in the hall very funny guy and it's a great ensemble anyway we filmed the pilot last month it went craved and it's already been picked up for the fall well good congratulations we look forward to that I'm happy obviously I know now you're a man of a thousand voices I'm just saying do we have time for him to do one voice if I pick a number from one to a thousand I know you're not it's now a man of a million voices yeah I'll let me just pick one number you do the voice you do the course number between one and a million wondering why I thought I was gonna do art this is 207 look at this that's Bill Clinton he was bumped from number three when Congress you know Dave the Republicans my opponents have had a lot of fun after my hunting trip this week making all those lame duck president jokes but I went hunting for a reason I wanted to show the NRA that you can enjoy the sports of the field without using an automatic assault weapon and I want you to know that every one of the three ducks I bagged I brought down by shooting them in the right wing good to see a filmmaker happy 1995 [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] for eight years our first guests performed his heart out on a television program called Saturday Night Live and now he stars in news radio which can be seen elsewhere please welcome one of TV's funniest stars Phil Hartman Phil [Applause] [Music] [Applause] welcome to the variks man that's a great-looking suit you look like a million bucks buddy nice going you got him slum down when I come in what I treat for the little I pretend to be I can also look quite homely anybody can do this you can take a hundred points off your IQ by flapping your ears over like this yeah and Jack your jaw for C one sixty five sixty five so it's all relative I'm a character comedian I don't have to be and you do that all with or without a tie I mean I hope we're not preempted tonight no I don't think so because of the new and I'm not a big media hound myself but as I understand it this former football player gets in the car chase he's got his backseat driving got a gun into his head or a bag of beards or something who knows but my message is is the same whether I do it to a national audience or just to you folks here and that is the world is getting smaller and that begs the question can't we just get along [Applause] get along I don't I don't think you can state that enough Dave so I also want to say the Roman Gujarati masala Totoro Connery tournaments serenity stand on posters facade they sell appear bella ragazza del mundo in Mathura Madonna they artificial respiration Alain Delon [Applause] maybe it's like that guy in u2 said until all the colors bleed into one let's get on did you use to work for hallmark listen this is something interesting you trying to stop smoking or you have stopped smoking Wow how's it going pretty good you know I was never serious smoker but I have a problem when I'm around other people who smoke what is that you're annoyed that is that selig thing I makes me well you start to smoke it makes me want to I've tried to resist it there are a few smokers on Newsradio I'm not gonna give any names it's it's their close friends but I have found a way look at smoking is a terrible pernicious habit I don't I don't know the exact numbers but it's like a million people an hour bye-bye from cigarette smoke I know in New York City 5,000 people a day are killed just by being hit by cigarettes flicked out of car windows you know you gotta research you know this is a way to start I've discovered it I am I've never been so excited about something in the health arena seriously all your smoking cigars I'm smoking cigars and the thing is I'm not joking this is a way to quit smoking because you get all the tobacco pleasure and enjoyment without inhaling without cutting your wind and you just will have to choose quality you know get a nice Dominican cigar people are gonna tell you that the Cuban stuff is that's what this is believe me you do not want to support this bonehead communist regime right if someone gives you a Cuban cigar send it to late-night care of David Letterman and Dave and I will make sure that these things are destroyed I mean I wouldn't smoke one of those commies herds if you wrapped it in a mink stole oh okay well simply the dominicans stuff but if you're if you're having trouble quitting smoking give it a try yeah like oh sure let me see if I have a good old-fashioned American lighter for you there oh here how about these there you go you've been known to partake in an occasion well I spoke the all productos they're made in Tucson nice capitalist what are we doing here now we have to do a commercial all right we'll be right back with Phil Hartman ladies [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] Julianne Moore and Candlebox you enjoying that good with a cigar it looks very nice on you look like a very confident successful man a guy in control look like a man in Friars Club tell me about your relationship with President Clinton you see him at all anymore now that you're not doing him so frequently you should do it it's like a mainstay of Saturday Night Live you do President Clinton I used to impersonate him on did he ever cause hard feelings with you in the president thinks really were you ever audited as a result of that I pay such exorbitant taxes I think they just look at my return and go no you know the funny thing was I did meet the president while I was impersonating him and I I know it kind of hurt his feelings it's the mean things and now that I'm not we're bonding that's good beautiful that's great he comes out to California you know the Western White House is in a place called Summerlin near Santa Barbara and were you know Santa Barbara no but I'm up that way a sensitive guy but he's really a great guy yeah I'm and I'm getting an end you know I'm in the boding thing and we go snorkeling together he loves well he snorkels yes that's a sight isn't it he loves I want to enjoy that mental image here for just a second he's a lot of government cheese he's a sweet man [Applause] he loves he loves dolphins porpoises whales like the blowhole and he told me [Applause] [Laughter] he told me the best joke I've heard in two years from the president this is from the president it's the clean joke his one might expect no present this is my favorite joke I've ever heard he goes well what did Buddha say to the hot dog vendor I don't know make me one with everything [Applause] [Applause] radio it's one of the top five shows in my opinion it goes like this it number one Late Show and you know thank you for always been [Applause] you played the opening piece apparently I thought just keep going don't worry about Tony the cue card man had the best yeah he's always tops his name all right so you like the son of the Simpsons Ren and Stimpy and he ran in Stimpy so kills me and Dan Newsradio and then wings not the sitcom the world war two grainy footage combat oh you just finished a speaking of World War two you just finished a movie version of sergeant bilko that's right which was a huge television show in the Larry fifties and early sixties that's right yeah with Phil Silvers and yeah we did we did it this summer it was produced by a man named Brian Grazer who did a little film called Apollo 13 what so what so what I mean like you get leftover astronaut suits or something what so what movie sergeant bilko co-stars a few comedians you may have heard of Steve Martin and Dan Aykroyd so you get all the free Tang you want so one had to play army for three for twelve weeks it might sound like a very funny movie yeah unfortunately cuz Steven Danny goofed off I give the most riveting performance of my career we had the technical advisor captain Dale die who wrote the novel platoon and collaborated with Oliver Stone on the movie platoon and he-man he had me so spit and polish they dyed my hair blonde and I had a buzz cut and I looked real mean and I'm the bad guy in the movie yeah they taught me how to salute anybody ever teach you how to salute no sir here it comes salute according to captain Dale dye is straight up straight down straight up you can just make out your little finger your nose that well here's something interesting you do not salute if you're not wearing your cover your hat yeah and so usually you take off your hat when you go indoors you don't salute indoors don't salute indoors but outdoors you touch straight up now this is interesting and he told me this is this is like an unofficial military protocol but this really happens if you're saluting a superior officer as crisp as you can make maybe it's a lower officer then it gets kind of you know casual maybe the finger starts to drip so maybe it's somebody you actually don't even like how much and then it goes like and then if you're saluting Miss America or a beauty contestants regarding the captain Dale died yeah I think you're about half nuts Sam would say half nuts I prefer half sane yeah okay I'm a positive thing well you know it's a great to see you and and and no surprise that you're very successful now in another television venture congratulations on that enjoy the cigar come back any time [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] that is gentleman for eight years our first guest was a very funny and talented performer on Saturday Night Live now this man is starring in a brand new motion picture entitled sergeant bilko which opens all across the country on Friday do me a favor please welcome back to the program Phil Hartman [Applause] [Music] well welcome back to the program thank you very much for being here thank you for breaking in our extra-tall microphone and our new set very nice day thank you by the way it's not phil heartman in him it's not Phil Hartman I say name strikes me as kind of bland I think I'm going to change it to my Simpsons name Troy McClure you may know me from such motion pictures as Hitler doesn't live here anymore and sorry wrong closet I also did some educational films LED pink delicious but deadly yeah I think I saw that did you see locker room towel fight the blinding of Larry Driscoll [Laughter] God that thing off yeah did you did you get a chance to watch the you get a chance of watching the Academy Awards last night I am like you and I assume everyone I am reeling like what the hell happened no top-10 list no Patrick change the whole thing and then the friggin kilt movie watch I know and then and then you know I like citizen surrounded Susan Sarandon is a good - there's a lovely woman you know and she's built like she's a talented yes and you know I'll tell you I think though III saw dead men walking they're a great movie sure didn't change my mind about capital punishment baby but Sharon Stone you know when I was an outlaw biker I had 20 old ladies exactly like Sharon Stone I you know I had no idea she was so right on so it was a disappointing night for you then like this ya know I came in to get a big weekend I know that I hosted little show called Saturday Night Live I congratulate again and what I show how long were you on the program eight years I guess we mentioned in the introduction eight years one hundred and fifty three episodes five hundred and eighteen characters 627 wigs Wow how much money well I'm on a different late night pay scale I see so it must have been fun to go back as the host of the show yeah the the jolt is walking out there before the monologue and getting the ovation from the audience it was so thrilling it was so emotionally overwhelming like dream come true time it must have been what Michael Jackson felt when he met Macaulay Culkin for the first time this can't be happening was here to see that I think what Phil stay right there if you care that's a beautiful suit by the way that's a very handsome piece of clothing it's a lovely garment we got into a commercial will continue here with Phil Hartman come on back [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] welcome back to the big program Phil Hartman is here and Rose hamburger this is a fascinating woman she's 105 years old and she is a thoroughbred handicapper and also the ban will be with us let's talk a little bit about your private flying experiences you now are a license holder that's right I am an aviator graduation Private Pilot ladies and gentlemen hard hats sales have gone through the roof convertible sales plummet where do you go what do you do and is it fun do you scare yourself okay the first few lessons can be a little nerve-racking but then you get overconfident and that's when it's really good yeah and and do you take know all your friends when you go flying no because because it's touchy you know like I don't like to go flying with other people I get invited by experienced pilots and I'm not trusting anybody so I don't push it on people but if somebody says hey I want to go flying I'll take him up I took Jon Lovitz up believe it or not and and when you get him up there do you go nuts do you do tricks you're are you rolling are you doing cartwheels no I'm a very responsible pilot I must I'm sorry to hear that but he was nervous enough naturally you know he just couldn't believe it he was so excited you know how does it fly you know and I explained Bernoulli's principle of lift versus weight and thrust versus drag and all that he goes any of these they want to trust you they want to believe you have all the answers you know why is the sky blue the red spectrum is absorbed by the air you know where the babies come from why did Tom and Roseanne break the wittily what's the difference between Edam cheese and good achieve the answers you start spilling his guts oh yeah I Dave and this folds the seat back and suddenly I'm as shrink Ike because of patient-doctor confidentiality I can't reveal what he said probably just I do want to say to the ladies out there if you date Jon Lovitz don't wear blue that's all I'm gonna say a cautionary note tell me about sergeant bilko this is another great cast a great legend you and I are the same age now you loved that show is if it was a wonderful television for a great show and it's been reinvented for the 90s and Steve mark you shouldíve martin dan aykroyd yeah who else well a great ensemble of young actors like max Casella and Glenn Headley is in it a fine actress who was with Steve and dirty rotten scoundrels and just a large ensemble of young actors in the platoon it's been updated and modernized so the platoon is multi-ethnic and there are men and women in it and it's kind of like an animal house platoon with Steve Martin wild and crazy man can't beat it was a Salesman opens on Friday all across the country you know who was here a couple of weeks ago Dana Carvey I just did a guest spot on his show yesterday and I've always loved Dana and I really am rooting for him to bring variety to primetime we did a we you know his Ross Perot has always killed me so we we did Ross Perot on Larry King and I did Larry King and my observation on Larry King is that he has two volumes he speaks at 10 and 3 you know it's like we're back with Ross Perot are you gonna run he's just gonna get their attention that's yeah listen I hope the film was a huge success thank you very much [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] turning back to the Late Show I'm your host civil readygo Taiki hey on the program tonight Phil Hartman of course a Luther Vandross and oh who am i leaving out somebody big huh everybody know Bob Costas mr. sports in myself Bob Costas you know from his characters on The Simpsons that's a cartoon to his role on Newsradio our first guest is one of televisions funniest actors he also stars in the new film jingle all the way it opens tomorrow here he is a nice warm welcome please for Phil Hartman [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] Oh mom Phil I can't thank you enough for cutting cutting your hunting trip short to be with a sitter I smell chili Hey yeah my pants are full of filling nice to see you thanks Dave it's always a pleasure yeah how you been everything all right everything's good eh you know as long as I'm here as though something I gotta get off my what's the problem I lied to you Dave regarding well my very first appearance on this show which I believe was in 1988 1988 back at NBC the old pilot was I was trying to set up a chunk I used to do when I was an improv artist where I do a chunk ins in German and so I told you is a setup yes Isha sleep that yeah when I was in college I used to hitchhike over Europe I ended up in Germany working in clubs doing stand-up and Stern magazine voted me the funniest man in German I think I remember this and then it got back to me that you had told the friend you know Phil Hartman was voted the funniest I've never been to Germany really but I did this thing and so I set it up so I could do impressions and German and well I just wanted to that's right yeah what were those impressions may I do them for you now please do okay the grand Americana chicamocha Jack Benny Jack Benny the Rochester Pig me in this room too common Dakka Dakka a macho the top banana meet the film Flying Tigers look out of his day here he is coming John rain look out Buster Leyland poppy you're flunking turn up perception exam Melnik dwarf and met their flying tiger doc - ah this is Jack Nicholson of Chinatown Jack Nicholson and she'll begin see fram-o ray boba still intercourse and myth to factor there bill McDonough pregnancy myth the sister Robin [Applause] I don't care if it's not true to me you are the funniest man in Germany Thanks yeah are you you're back in business now your boy at Clinton's got four more years above to her bill was the vote for Phil exactly brothers back you know it what's interesting to me about this is now he's got the job then you know he doesn't have to prove anything to anybody it's his last time and I got a feeling we're gonna see the real Bubba just go nuts yeah go tease ponytails nose ring probably come to work best each day as one of the Village People I think now along those lines now really just keep your eye on this man's weight I'm telling you yes Scott we're looking at 300 before he's done yeah you could have a future in professional wrestling leave the Oval Office retire and go under wrestling hey I got kind of an Elvis it looks great I gotta get some signatures on this man hey Bubba shoot out the TV boss is that Hartman do me again that's his nickname servicing Elvis oh they call him out as they called clarin Elvis Elvis is coming into the building buddies man you know the secret service nickname for Al Gore now Al Gore that's got a cheese just that dull you uh you bought yourself a new car mr. bigshot making that big primetime money now you bought yourself a new baby hey nothing wrong with an accord but I got a hold of a little Italian action yeah yeah just a little a white Ferrari f355 Berlinetta oh my god that sounds over five million people just change the channel now we can talk about whatever we want get me a highball I got a pinched nerve [Applause] whatever near you who wants to see fat pig actors talking about their opulent lifestyle I do I can't get enough of it okay give it away hands all night what do I care hey you I know you're modest about everything but you were a Porsche Your Honor I've been lucky enough to drive rented one yes yeah ask the Connecticut state troopers yeah well I was a Porsche guy for years but there's a whole other level of performance it's just by example of course your red lines at 6700 rpm yeah Ferrari red lines at 85 Wow look you're talking 375 horsepower v8 forty Bab dual overhead cam eleven to one compression ratio you're talking about an engine that doesn't go [Laughter] [Applause] and it should be illegal yeah the other the other difference you're pointing out the other difference [Applause] and the other difference that you haven't point out if you own a Ferrari like that you go out every morning and underneath your car is all the oil you put in the day before oh yeah and then you got it takes a 20 minute class to learn how to get into it this is how you get into a Ferrari walk-in it's kind of low open the door sit down swing your legs [Music] like Italian my oh my yeah two hours sleep you got the big gift film opening up this weekend that jingle all the way yours Fortson [ __ ] jingle all the way to the bank some of the smaller echelon stars for a while Sinbad Steve Martin what have you sorry Steve who has international stature well I got into the election with Arnold and I was just so wonderful to walk on the set each day and see his eyes light up cuz you know I mean he's done well with the action-adventure John let's be honest you big fan of all this Robocop or something when they didn't think I get a cyborg they're chasing the alien in the jungle oh that's right and Oh everyday talking to my see all the failures so exciting so glad you on the team all the things he is Saturday Night Live in socks with the shin Stinson the toy McClure wood you may know me from such businesses ha [Applause] [Applause] [Music]

Channel: Don Giller

Views: 642,157

Keywords: Phil Hartman

Id: 4scLsDYAI9Y

Length: 132min 54sec (7974 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 15 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/rguzman2003]

I think he’s unbelievably underrated. One of the BEST.

[u/[deleted]]

A very missed man

[u/BacalhauMaskReplica]

A real case of an reverse-OJ.

[u/tommybhoy82]

Hi im Troy Mclure

[u/tearyouapartj]

Whenever I get really sad about their passing, I'm comforted by the fact that I know one day they'll be up in Heaven watching me get raped by the devil in Hell