America's Got Talent Winner Comedian Ventriloquist Paul Zerdin (Full Show) ALL MOUTH

ladies and gentlemen please welcome the winner of america's got talent mr paul zardine [Applause] thank you so much indeed it's great to be here thank you very much [Applause] thank you thank you thank you very much today good evening everyone well welcome along to the show my name is paul zurden this is all mouth i've got a friend of mine his name is sam the puppet would you like to meet him are you sure okay now on this tour he has asked for a particularly big buildup so without further ado would you please welcome to the stage the spongebob sam [Applause] [Music] [Applause] well that was your introduction you call that an introduction yes i do call that introduction no no no were you on about i knew you were gonna do that that's why i've done my own you are cue sound ladies and gentlemen yes it's me that voice you hear on all those movie trailers and let me tell you i don't come cheap so that's surely an indication of exactly how successful this puppet really is where'd you get the money for that i found it ladies and gentlemen if you thought mr kipling had the best sponge fingers wait till you meet the puppet of puppies the king of foam voted rear of the year in 2017. that's not even true winner of america's got town that was me please welcome sam ouch ladies and gentlemen sam [Applause] say hello hello not me then oh my god hello hello [Applause] that's the whole way the show thing works what they're staring at you no yes they're all staring at you really yes they're looking at your mouth no yes they're looking to see if your mouth is actually moving really oh yes but his mouth is not looting and neither is mine now stop stirring what look this guy here is stirring its roots sam i've told you they're going to be looking this way do you want to stare in much i bet i win it's a joke i can't blink okay not a clue never mind let's move on let's look at our glorious audience here this evening lots of good looking people here that's right ugly don't tell him he's ugly why does he not know i think you should apologize just say you're sorry i would say you're sorry i'm sorry you're ugly [Applause] what are you doing shut it what's your answer we're doing the car what shut it what's up but now we'll shut up is retired malcolm is living the dream malcolm is still very ugly just leave the guy alone just leave him alone watch me watch me what just tonight tonight would you not talk when i'm talking don't worry you're not that good now watch this watch [Laughter] [Music] ugh [Applause] hmm that's enough now can't you just be nice to him why can't you just want to come out and be nice to someone ugly knock and just be nice all right i could do this yes yes yes yes you're going to say something nice yes malcolm you're not the ugliest man in the world but the fat man dies why him look there are plenty of other faces you can look at what oh my god well now come here competition you what look at this have a look have a look got a bear he's only skin deep then he's inside out that's enough why do you always do this why can't we for once just do something with a touch of class [Music] hello what's your name darling are you dead what's your name darling haley you sexy mama french now listen i thought this would be the ideal opportunity to do the uh the vent voice trick the vent voice trick that vent voice to yes this is where the ventriloquist swaps voices with the puppet very difficult dangerous trick for a ventriloquist to attempt vocally very challenging and generally pretty tricky you can really feel the excitement okay for this to work just keep talking keep talking just keep talking you could do anything you could do the abc oh i could yes i could do the abc oh yes oh my god yes oh i could yes if this was bloody cecily street you nothing you speak for yourself i wish i could just do it what do you think t v w x y zed wow it's weird normally they all clap together not tonight no obviously [Applause] are you talking about your ass [Music] thank you thank you very much [Applause] ugly malcolm is not sure what to think he thinks he's watching some kind of weird nothing show it's time to play the music this auto lord the lords i would have encountered good impressions all i know tonight you know the muppets oh yes really yes how is this possible we get together every year at the gold puppet party what a puppet party okay that's a puppet party i think we've got the message you're going to earn your money tonight so what happens in the puppet party took the words right out of my mouth all the famous puppets yeah get twist we had it on the other night oh my god it was messy oh my god it was so messy really yeah hey they're gonna absolutely shit-faced [Applause] the sesame street crowd really and she tells me they don't call in big bird for nothing this is shocking yes sergeant it's very shocking now listen what i think we should talk about america's got talent we'll just talk about america's got talent i don't know i think we should talk about america's got talent okay okay very briefly they say in your life sometimes you should do something to scare yourself mix things up a bit so a little while back i decided to enter america's gut talent that's right so we do the first audition which is at the dolby theater in hollywood the dolby theater hollywood that's right where the oscars come from that is correct so it goes very well and we get through to the live shows which that year came from radio city musical new york radio city new york that's right and then we end up winning the show and headlining at planet hollywood in las vegas hollywood las vegas that's right so let's get this straight but don't be there to hollywood yes radio city new york yes hollywood las vegas that's right and now we're here what the went wrong [Applause] there's no need for that don't be like that not right well you're being all touchy you're touchy you're touching you're touching your tattoo you're touching your touching your attention you are here you are here i know why you're touchy why do you think i'm touchy because you know what day is it's wash day stuff your wash day once a month you washing machine once another you get stuffed you stink you've got a big nose washing machine i can't why can't you look it's my look can you see that can you see it look look i hope you can i hope you can see it because this is really uncomfortable either i can see that you did that yourself no no i didn't know i didn't know i didn't know i didn't know i didn't you did no i didn't sam you did that yourself i didn't and what that means is i can't be washed i have to be repaired instead i can repair you yes i created you i can repair you now look here frankenstein it's simple you're simple what are you doing i'm grabbing something what are you grabbing a needle i don't like needles don't be a baby lie down piss off lie down meet me okay do it unconscious okay hang on a minute sam it would be very nasty i don't know a needle sam have a look have a look there's a needle in my leg oh my god all done there you go sam wake up sam sam alright snap out of it sam where am i groggy i see hayley naked come here look what i have fixed your leg that is good news it is time for washing that is not good news come with me what are you doing oh look at this look at this look at this look at this look at those look at this not even david copperfield can do this [Applause] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] go in the washing machine it's meet you fools [Music] why'd you want to come back out i farted over here and it stopped stick him in the washing machine washing machine we'll see you a bit later on you're going to be in trouble well you're going to get it what is that some kind of threat yeah well i'm really scared you to be here to there tonight tonight and and you know you know he always does this he always says he will stop eventually so it's so annoying so annoying just stop it just something would you stop copying me would you stop the cut can you stop it don't stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it it's pathetic you're pathetic you're an idiot i can't do that [Applause] you can have fun being vegetarian because this is what i like to do the sound check using ventriloquism to make the sound man think the microphone has gone out of sync can i do this out the sound check using ventriloquism just purely because um i can this is me at the soundcheck a bit earlier on hello [Music] hello hello hello hello hello hello hello hello testing one two three it's not working go away [Applause] i do have fun i do have fun being an introvert because this is something i like to do if i see a young mother walking down the street with a baby in a stroller a buggy a pram or whatever i'll ask her how old the baby is she says whatever three months and then i do this hello are you okay but you know vigilance is a very strange thing it takes years to learn how to become a ventriloquist and now that i can do it i can't stop doing it i know a lot of you are sitting there thinking what a freak it takes a long time to become a forever and i can't stop doing it anywhere anytime anyplace a few weeks ago in a busy shopping center coming towards me is a very heavily pregnant woman i couldn't resist it as she walks past i go hey mommy let me out and in everyday life now everything talks you have siri on your iphone which talks you have gps sat navs that talk to you you have lifts talking lifts hotels airports all over the world you have the talking lift i'd like to go into a lift that doesn't talk and pretend it does the busier the lift the better and i go door's closing that was me in i go doors closing going up get out fatty you're too heavy going down this is my favorite pit cable detaching oh i do have fun doing this although i did lose a job in a restaurant kitchen some years ago i gave the chef a nervous breakdown i used to stand next to him as he put the lobsters into the boiling water i love big sorry what are you doing i'm really sorry i'm in a little bit busy you know uh if you could just keep an eye on him that would be listen i am so sorry if you could just just deal with this it's not my problem thanks a lot um okay so if we could just give the lawyers down for the next few minutes uh [Music] [Applause] [Music] i'll be right with you [Music] huh [Applause] [Applause] i'll tell you what i'll just get him out so he gets used to his surroundings i'm sure he'll be a good one go back to sleep so just uh hang on in there thanks so much for your patience [Music] no no they're just resting hey look at the size of that lady's boobies i'm hungry no no no no stop it stop it get tough sorry okay so you'll be a good boy now and you go to sleep now what is that ah what four of those are what what four of those are no no what are those four i don't know what do you what do you what do you what are you what are you what am i what are you well i'm well that's close it's ventriloquist no no ventriloquist look it's vent and trilton that's the microphone stan right that's the microphone right and i'm a ventriloquist no no i could survive a road trip with those two stop it stop it stop it what's the matter what's the matter what is it i've done poo poo you haven't haven't yet have you really have you really really really have you you mean to tell me you're in front of all these people and you've done a poopoo i have now have you really have you are you sure you haven't ever no so you'd be a good boy now okay hello [Music] what about him he's staring at me oh he's okay you can't do this okay so now you'd be a good boy okay yeah right you've got hiccups i don't like it it's okay don't worry i don't like it it's okay you've got hiccups help me booby lady no no it's okay make it girlfriend okay all right don't worry okay get rid of your hiccups okay don't worry ah [Applause] so now you be a good boy and you're going to go to sleep now sorry what's that what's turning no time for story now okay okay you go to sleep okay all right catch off sorry um okay all right if i tell you a quick story you promised me yeah you'll be a good one go to sleep straight after yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah okay okay all right so no butting in and changing it this time let me tell the story properly politically properly properly okay let me tell them to tell the story let me tell the story the way it's supposed to be told me okay so you listen quietly okay this is the story [Music] no no okay so this is the story of little red riding hood yes now she was a little girl yes and she went to see her granny yes who lived in the woods now she was walking through the woods on the way to a granny's house when all of a sudden out jumped a big bad wolf yes a nasty one with my big horrible teeth no i don't like it no but it's part of the story i don't like it nobody has to be that don't like it nobody change it change it okay okay no okay all right what do you want to change it to duck not duck again not a duck okay the thing is with this story it won't work as a duck i went to duck okay okay it wasn't a big bad wolf no i don't like it no it was a it was it was a big bad um duck this time yeah no fluffy yellow duck the big snow the small fluffy yellow duck jumped out and growled snarled crack quacked a little red riding hood crack yeah little red riding hood was really frightened why she wouldn't be frightened of a fluffy yellow dog would she no hence you've done it again you keep doing this to my stories you keep making me put ducks in them duck wait yesterday's goldilocks and the three ducks stuck day before that beauty in the duck duck before that snow white and the seven ducks duck you've made me change all the tv characters as well thomas the duck engine sponged up squarepants duck i used to be fantastic at telling stories duck kids used to come for miles around to hear me my stories now they just think i'm the strange bloke with a duck fixation duck why do you keep saying duck how's it run out never mind i could do two things that is naughty you're naughty okay now you'll be a good boy okay and you go to sleep yeah yeah okay um question what [Music] what's your question where do i come from yeah um we'll talk about that later talk about it now i'm doing the show where do i come from okay sorry um all right i'll be frank where do i come from frank no no paul thank you yeah yeah i'll tell you okay uh sorry a bit awkward um okay sometimes when a man and woman meet yeah they fall in love what's love well good question um well it's it's it's when your heart beats really fast and you feel light-headed like when you take drugs right listen eventually maybe further down the line when the man and woman fall in love they might eventually get married married yeah and when they get married they do grown-up things like barbecues no not like barbecues they're like making love making love yeah when they make love inside the ladies tummy there's an egg egg yeah the egg travels all the way along the fallopian tube is that on the underground listen eventually the egg attaches itself to the womb yes and then the man fertilizes the egg whilst making luck yes and then inside the lady's tummy a little baby grows there for nine months nine months nine months nine months and eventually when the baby's ready and the woman's ready she pushes the baby all the way down the birth canal and out into the world and that's where you come from why do you ask the little boy next door yes he comes from birmingham [Applause] i know you'd be a good boy okay you'll be a good boy and you go to sleep now yeah yeah okay what why can't you i don't know no new words now okay sleep now okay all right okay okay new word um as long as it's not a naughty word it's not an audience i told you no naughty words what what does it begin with it begins with first no no we're not having now no no no what does it end with hang on start your first ends with tur that's all right what is it it [Applause] kids say i do love being a ventriloquist my my nephew i don't have any kids in my nephew i've got a six-year-old nephew and he's absolutely nuts about harry potter he loves harry potter i love harry potter he's six years old and he's crazy about harry potter and a few weeks ago we had a big family gathering and it ends up it ends up with me and my nephew sitting on the settee watching the tv on the tv it's harry potter he looks up at me smiles i look back at him smile and then i did this and ruined everything [Laughter] harry potter scared the out of him he won't talk to me anymore not even on skype never take a ventriloquist to a sounds is there anybody there are you sure yeah who are you so ladies and gentlemen oh how about you all right i'll be okay you're right albert are you okay sorry this is sam's grandpa um he's uh he's not you're not coming out yet albert everything's okay oh there's something going on in here are you okay what are you okay what you said there's something going on what is it don't concern yourself with that albert you just get ready relax okay you're not on yet oh what's matter oh there's something in here what's going on something crazy would just ignore it what is it what is it okay all right i'll level with you um okay on the way to the gig um i hit a fox you punched it with the car is he all right our fox is meant to be flat i don't think so well then he's not all right oh getting out getting out okay all right all right okay okay um sorry sorry about this just bear with me thanks for your patience [Music] is he dead well what do you think oh how are you going to get rid of them i suppose i could um well i could bury him or uh you know having cremated well i guess i could chuck him in a river i better say a few words um well we're gathered here tonight jesus bloody hell you're he's a bad man well look underneath well look what you've done i'm so sorry he's not gonna cut it why are you speaking like that because i is an urban fox [Applause] i use off the street yeah literally that is not funny i'm sorry do you have a name wellington avenue what's that it is a street name do you have a real name it's not important what it doesn't matter what you've done what is it it's douglas yeah funny yeah did you have a last name fox middle name the douglas the fox no no no no look man what i need some support well help me my legs look like them these hanging okay okay hang on hang on hang on what about uh what about that is that better what i don't understand is that you're a fox you're going to be fast you know the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog oh stop with the stereotypes man not being stereotypical you is foxist i'm just saying you foxes have got great eyesight you must have seen my car coming why didn't you just get out of the way well in the darkness your red lights look like the eyes are one of my vixen vixen one of our ditches oh a female fox yeah man i thought i'd hang and see what transpired and as i got closer after a while didn't it dawn on you after a while i did think she's a big unit then i thought she's a bit rapid then it hit me head on no no no i'm so sorry i'm so sorry no it's not gonna cut it man you is in deep doo-doo what do you mean well eyes are protected species well you're not exactly in danger of extinction is good dicks like you on the road i tell you what you're complaining four grand now four four grand yeah man no three no two no a grand now and we can forget it a thousand pounds no absolutely no come on man that's a good deal better than i got the last time sorry the last time you said the last time no i didn't you did i did not you said the last time has this happened before maybe you've been hit by a car before once or twice how many times 23. you've been hit by a car 23 times well once in actuality the first time that we've got left knee up the rest are hoaxed you faked yes man how easy you chuck a rocker a car he starts i jumps out going on well they think they've hit you yeah fact is i didn't like this for ages it's fraud it's a living hang on let's get this right you stage a phony accident to extort money out of innocent motorists for your own gain no no no no well yes none i do yes i'll tell you what 500 quid 500 pounds no tenner done you're not gonna have much money if you only get 10 quid out of people yeah i know that i know that i tell you what dada love quits double quits what does criticism cream you in the game creamy in a game again man what game yes no game the yes no game yeah the first person to say yes or no loses a game the first person to say yes or no loses that is right that's easy so you want to thank yes i win that's not fair isn't it no i'll win stop it you want to start again yes i'll win again look this isn't fair you're going too fast all right listen it's the first person to say yes or no 20 times as a loser 20 times 20 times all right so i'm three up no four we'll start from now now yes five look i didn't know we started i wouldn't how well you see i didn't know oh well that's where you're wrong because this didn't kind of know i'll win the no i wouldn't i didn't know owen isn't spelled no i'm in the no i wouldn't i didn't know owen is spelled know w r in and not n o o in no r and c can i have no i'll win k n or w r in has no r n o it is over that was only 19 times was it yes i'll win the whole game sam washing machine you bastard you boil washed me we sort this out don't worry sam don't worry we'll sort this out we sort it out it's going to be all right just pump him up do something really um all right hang on a minute i'll just get out sorry about this ladies gentlemen i'd like you to uh get ready for sam's grandpa would you like to meet him are you sure please welcome the stage albert [Applause] albert albert albert alba are you okay is your hearing aid working album have you got a hearing aid switched on is your hearing aid switched on have you switched your hearing aid on is your hearing aid on is your bloody hearing are you switched on yes great well listen tell everyone how old you are telling your age yes i do is 85. i said you're 85. good god so am i i was in the you know actually it was quite interesting during during the second world war albert was stationed in africa you were in africa no no i was in africa one night i remember we were on century duty suddenly they were all around us left dang dang dango to the right the help no shouting bang did no good at all in the end we had to use bullets oh god you know one night i remember there we were notching through the african bush litchath only by the stars in the sky suddenly right the thoracic stood a bloody grinding lion that's confused i wet myself well i'm not surprised i think anyone would have done the same thing in your situation no no no not when i saw the lion just then when i went you know what to do in face head on with a lion i can't say i do first of all you're looking straight in the eye no yes looking straight in the eye they don't like it no no god no look it's straight in the eye and then slowly and surely you reach behind you you'll think that some from the ground and you throw this face frozen is this they don't like it no no god no absolutely well what if there isn't any on the ground behind you oh trust me there will be [Applause] oh god yes that's right yeah yes i like her what's that lady there i think oh hello hello hello how are you doing cause he likes this hello what's your name darling she did actually tell you she told you she told you i'll ask you again watch this and learn what is your name your silly tart albert oh look at her she's gagging for it you can't say that so what she's gagging for yes i think so too now then the last time you dousy cow what is your name [Applause] not a clue how this nikki nikki nikki alvarez no not me no lady here's nikki good question i like her you know i can give her something you younger men can't what's that good night's sleep yeah i tried what my god he's ugly albert albert albert i've got a question there's something in here what's this what what's this what what's this what this in your ear what what what is what what what's that what is it no what is it what is it no i was asking you what it was what it was i don't even know what it is now that was in your ear good gracious that looks to need to be a suppository a suppository oh crumbs it's not where my hearing aids got to do you know i wondered why my ass was whistling earlier what are you doing just turning it down stop it it feels good stop it [Applause] oh come on you've all done it oh god i'm controlling him oh that reminds me what i got something for you when i got something i think you'd find it rather interesting really yes yes just a moment i'll get my assistant now where is she where is she tasha tasha good evening oh god yes that's lovely lovely thank you young man albert this is fantastic who's this what who's this well he's you me yes he's you he's called minnie paul why is he called minnie paul is it just me seriously why why have you got him when i want to be a ventricular like you why is that because you think it's clever no i want the chance to stick my hand up your ass see how you like it now but there's more to ventricle ventriloquism than that you have to talk without moving your lips off moving the lips of the doll to make it like the doll is talking do you know what what i've been practicing have you yes help me with my hand what i'm going to put my hand in here this one yes give me a hand with my hand that goes in here now inside here is a lever yes yes and i can get hold of this lever and i can cut the tear really yes you like this hello mini paul hello oh that's fantastic now you're stupid aren't you mini paul yes i'm really stupid and you've got a big nose aren't you yes i think everything goes hang on a minute but hang on this is just an excuse for you to have a go at me no no i don't know it's lindy paul albert the point of ventriloquism is to be funny and entertaining when do you think you're doing that you're just having a go at me you've got no act what do you mean well minnie paul should maybe tell a joke well then paul can tell a joke well go on then what we'll get him to tell a joke oh come on you asking you are asking all right hey minnie paul what about telling a joke minnie paul what about telling a joke how but he's not doing anything he's not doing anything did you ask him yes but he thought they didn't hear you why not really said they're death i'm not dead death you're the death aren't you in the neighborhood what see albert you're working midi polish you there steph what excuse me it's you that's deaf did you say something look is he going to tell a joke or not can i tell a joke yes tell a joke well i haven't got a joke then he paul has a joke i know that then why are you asking me i'm not asking you can i tell a joke yes tell a joke well there's no need to shout yes that's rude i have to shout because you're both deaf what excuse me you're both deaf did you say something look no hang on you look no no you look what mr xer didn't yes ninny paul yes he's not real i know that i'm not real he's a doll i'm the doll i'm doing a voice he's doing the voice and he's at the death i'm the death okay how can he be a bit deaf he's not real huh how can he be a bit deaf he's not real what do you think let me explain something to you why what minnie paul is a doll you're doing the voice you are deaf so consequently cannot hear me so when i ask minnie paul something he can't answer because you can't know what i'm saying i don't even want to hear any paul stupid joke now i'm fed up trying to point out that mini paul is a doll you are doing the voice you are deaf and it is you that's talking to a stupid doll who's not real [Laughter] is that so yeah that's quite enough of that say good night to minnie paul and albert good night i am looking for a happily married couple to join me up here on stage okay just a married couple will do let's see it's got to be the right look it's very important to find the right look there's nothing worse than seeing someone on stage it doesn't want to be there so it's important important to find someone that's happy to be up on stage otherwise it makes everyone feel uncomfortable so can have a look around here you can smell the fear there's no trap door let's have a little look here sorry bear with me let's have a little look hang on there's some interesting looking couples up here let's have a look what's what's your name james james rat james you're james what's your name gemma james and gemma you look like a couple would you join me up on stage are you sure you're happy to let's have a big hand for gemma and james everyone [Applause] [Music] they come there geminis gemma and james okay now gemma have a seat just here if you wouldn't mind lovely to meet you thank you very much for doing this uh james great to meet you come and have a little see here nothing to worry about all you gotta do is sit down there and just face this lovely audience okay so now we're just gonna pop these little uh little props on you all you have to do is just keep facing that way now you won't see this gemma but just trust me it's bloody funny okay is that all right okay we've got that there that's lovely that's fantastic okay all you've got to do thanks tash you're welcome all you have to do is keep looking that way okay it's very important all right because everyone's got to see this now we're going to start with some voices we're going to find you a voice festival gemma we're going to find you a voice that we can have a bit of fun with okay and we'll finish with you james so we're going to find you a voice gemma a voice that we can have a bit of fun with a voice that uh what about theirs hello oh i snotted never mind are slotted all over the mask never mind i was only kidding about the voice yeah you better change it they'll be snot everywhere okay okay what about what about a nice feminine voice what about a voice like this hello there oh yes i like that yes yes yes happy with that voice yes i like it very nice yes you short yes you sure yes you're okay i'm okay great i'm gonna talk to james now good luck all right james let's find you a voice what about a voice like this hello there yeah i like that yeah [Laughter] you're okay yes i'm okay you like the voice yes it suits me yes it's very me yeah so you're okay yes you're okay yes i'm fine so we're all okay years apart from her she's a real pain in the ass i'm so sorry i didn't realize you were having problems um look can i look i tell you what what would you mind just leaving us alone for a moment oh please don't go well i don't understand no no just leave us please don't go i i kind of have to be here look take a hint what get lost look i respect your privacy nothing at all to worry about give you a moment yourselves i'll be just uh over there if you need me okay well this is a bit awkward isn't it yes it bloody is i'm glad he's gone i'm not i like him you fancy him i don't fancy him but he pays me attention you don't talk to me anymore i don't like to interrupt it was different when we first met we didn't meet i sobered up there you were you know what the problem is what's that the romance is gone you think why can't you take a leaf out of paul zurden's book what do you mean well i hear that after every show he goes straight home and makes mad passionate love to his girlfriend on the kitchen table i have taken a leaf out of his book and may i say what a lovely kitchen he has you just don't do anything for me these days what are you talking about woman i got you those salsa classes oh you're right you did yes and i bought you that lovely long flowing skirt oh you're right you did you love those salsa lessons didn't you yes i did i did i did you remember what you said the first time you came back from your first salsa lesson oh yes i loved it those latino guys they spun me around spun me round spun me round yes i didn't want to tell you at the time but i think the only reason they spun you around was so that your skirt would ride up and they could see your knickers i know that i'm not stupid that's why i put them in my handbag [Applause] who asked you to come back i was just making sure that you two were okay yes we're fine thank you by the way how the hell are you controlling us i've got a little remote control here in my hand oh my god that's amazing look at that darling every time he wiggles his fingers my lips move good one yeah are you going to stay here all night well you want to continue yes oh yes we'll take it from here i'll tell you what why don't i just um sort of you know relax over here yes why did you get yourself a little seat well that's a good idea perhaps i'll sit down with this conveniently placed stool i'll uh i could just perch here really there we are in fact what about here right i'm gonna sit here okay so i'll just uh you know just relax here right now he's relaxed i think i'm gonna stand up that's it i think i'll move a bit closer to the edge of the stage now not too close health and safety and all that while you're there darling years why don't you wave at the audience that's a great idea hello everyone hello good evening good evening good evening good evening good evening hello did you see them all waving back at you yes idiots i'm so glad i dressed up this evening while you're there darling yes darling why didn't you do a little party trick yes that's a really good idea which one do you want me to do you know the one where you turn around yes you turn around yes sorry i'm a little slow you lean forward and you wiggle your thumb like this sit down now darling i think i'll sit down now yes i do love a bit of twerking it's my turn now can i just point out these two lovely people are plucked genuinely at random from the audience tonight aren't they doing a fantastic job [Applause] we're not quite finished yet aren't we darling no no we most certainly are not are you gonna tell him yes i'll tell him ladies and gentlemen we are big big fans of the tv show strictly come dancing yes we love dancing with the stars and tonight we're going to recreate that show right here live on stage and tonight we're going to do it naked you're not really going to have to do that we're still going to kick the crap out of you after you've been wonderful sports have you enjoyed your time up here on stage we've had a wonderful time we really haven't we darling oh yes i've had the time of my life i really have even though my eyes tell a different story darling i think we should those stand up now that's a good idea let's hold hands i'd like that i love you i love you darling are you ready yes we're going to show them our moves that's a good idea we'll need some music don't worry i'm sure they got music then cue the music [Music] [Applause] gemma and james what about that you were amazing thank you so much take a bow gemma let me take this off you james take a bow james you were absolutely fantastic thank you so much gemma and james there they go ladies and gentlemen what making normal are you okay yeah well it's good because i'm about to say good night now no no zardon what no no no what do you mean no no no no no no um i'm gonna say good night no i've got a song yeah no we don't have a song there is no song there is a song we'll talk about this when we're alone you talk to me when you're alone and you're often a funny film i don't know anything about this song you don't have to just come and get me stick me on the table then get lost you can't be i'm serious certain okay where do you want the table in the middle there okay now what come and get me and then get out of here can't wait for this wake up son shut it look at me i'm hands-free [Music] i have always known that i could make it on my own with a brand new suit so [Music] oh [Music] [Music] he's just a stupid [Music] is [Music] [Music] break it down mofos [Applause] my name is albert i'm 85. people are shocked that i'm still alive no one's more surprised than me i thought i'd die in 93 get down i see you lady [Music] [Music] [Applause] i can't find the brakes [Applause] ladies and gentlemen please do not get caught up in the world of make-believe they are after all only puppets good night [Applause] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] you

Channel: Paul Zerdin

Views: 2,058,537

Keywords: comedy, AGT, comedian, ventriloquist, ventriloquism

Id: uF8ZVyFxb1o

Length: 69min 4sec (4144 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 29 2022