Parents, What's Your "Weird Flex But Ok" Kid Moment?

parents of reddit what is the best weird flex but okay moment you've seen from your child my six-year-old son recently put his foot down letting me know it was not okay for me to tell him what he could wear or not because he is allowed to have his own fashion okay fine shorts sandals and one black sock it is i contemplated having a button maid that said i'd rest myself today for my children to proudly wear them not realizing it was mostly so other adults would stop judging me for my kids fashion choices katie you have to eat three more green beans before you're excused no no more three more i'm gonna eat four more oh no you got me good my son is good with this me okay mate five minutes till you have to hop out of the bath son no three minutes right oh my son was in the tub and asked exactly how old he was me um about four years ten months and four days after a few moments of deep thought i heard him say quietly and reverently to himself comma and i haven't been bit by a single wild animal oh man still kills me good job keeping those fear or hogs away when i was six my absent father came back into my life briefly and i paraded him around all of my friends bragging saying this is my dad i bet you thought i didn't have a dad but i did he was gone again within a month omeo kids really want a dad don't they sassy niece after first day in school i learned how to counter well of empty today i bet you can't weird flex but wait i indeed cannot count to eleventy eleven t is a fancy way of saying one hundred and ten my ten month old son hates being changed recently he figured out that if he grabs his balls in a death grip with one of his hands it makes it impossible to get the diaper on him i die a little inside every time he does this my 3.5 year old outside the other day he was stabbing the ground with a stick i asked what you're up to buddy i'm digging holes for the ants to climb into that's so sweet of me mom he's a nut while babysitting my cousin she got really close to me and smelled like rotten eggs so i asked her if she farted and she immediately replied no that's my brief at least she's self-aware your story reminded me of the time my niece had an audible fart and i asked her if she farted and she replied number it smells like frowd up sniffs the air a few times yes someone throwed up not a kid but when i was five i had a mad crush on the 20 yo daughter of this wealthy family friend of ours i had asked for her hand in marriage and she agreed willingly playful to her but fully serious on my part she was carrying her soon to be groomed when her mother confronted me you need to have money if you want to marry my daughter i looked right into her eyes and without missing a beat reached into my little pockets and tossed her a penny her face priceless my smirk flawless my game never peaked again when i was four or five my parents were invited to their friend's house when we arrived everyone was sat around a fire outside and i deadpan asked to sit next to the pretty lady aka the friend's wife still haven't forgotten because nobody will let me my son was watching me cut down a very small tree like six inches across very small and the following occurred son wow i've never seen someone cut down a tree that big before me well i mean you've only seen one person cut down a tree so far that you've only been alive for five years so give it time son excuse me i've been alive much longer than that me oh yeah how long have you been alive then son 10 000 years me you know i actually don't doubt that he's a treasure plot twist your son has spent ten thousand years living as blind people and this is his first reincarnation where he has vision my little boy is extremely proud of his ability to get the automatic soap foam dispenser to form a shaped form on his hand he should be proud that takes a tremendous amount of skill to do when my son was five a waitress at applebee's asked him how old he was to which he exclaimed i'm five and i pooped today i think everyone within four tables of us was very impressed ha my dad took my daughter out to eat once when she was two and the server asked if she was ready for ice cream and she said no i have a poop coming he just said well more room for ice cream then which i think was pretty dope for someone being paid basically nothing to work at applebee's not a parent but when i was little i had a child therapist and i told her very happily and even in a bragging tone that i was only eight years old and i already had a training bra and i remember her just looking at me for a while and going okay uhh very nice a22r2 now let's get back on topic about therapy i am the child here but when i was maybe three or four i took a dump that was green which was quite exciting to me at the time i went and told my mom i just had a poop that was green and she just told me next time make me a blue one the rare reversed flex when my daughter was i think eight we were in the pool throwing a beach ball around i tossed it to her she catches it then says to me is that all you've got old man lol that's when you freaking spike it as hard as you can at her little face my daughter told me she is made out of love which i have told her before and that means she is invincible and so i can't hold her hand whilst she walks on the wall which i have not told her this one took me a minute i assume you're referring to some sort of garden wall or something but i was picturing her defying gravity in the living room and really if she can do that she probably doesn't need her hand held after all when my son was about five we went to visit relatives in the washington dc area we were on the metro when my son had a very pretty professional young woman i've got a lot of blocks he told her if you come to my room i'll show you then he made motorcycle noises for about 10 seconds you're gonna have your hands full when he starts dating my son is a freeringer in his spare time so i often find him in weird places he's 16 now but even as a baby i'd find him on top of the piano at the top of the closet etc he could climb anywhere recently i found him standing in the branches of a tree down the street staring off into space i asked what he was doing and he said i'm just hanging out okay man whatever works for you sounds like your son is actually a cat in disguise so my seven-year-old has always been eccentric i started keeping a log of some things she says in passing on my phone when she was three and there are some good ones i feel applied to this thread something smells like chocolate and it's coming from the inside of my mouth yeah well i can read blank spaces chickens have chicken in their bodies most of these are responses to her older sister bragging about something she did to excel in school i remember being about six eight and bragging to multiple strangers about how my older red-headed and white sister for context i was a little brown-haired brown-eyed brown skinned child was my full-blooded sister but had a different last name because i thought it was a cool fun fact about my family turns out she was a half sibling and nobody told me until i was older well it is genetically possible if that makes you feel better not my child but a friend seven year old we were talking about golf and he told me that he can drive the ball one thousand plus yards but we can't see it because the simulator glitches whenever he does it when my son was small he kept a notebook full of tips tips like never wear a cowboy suit an island never stay at a hotel in the woods when your parents ask you to do chores pretend to be asleep and they'll forget always be good friends with a cousin he has 38 first cousins so no problem there always try really sick hard if you invent something don't test it out with a live person don't pronounce mom like mom say mum it'll be cooler be scared of the middle of the pacific ocean make your day better with seafood never say you are doing nothing to a parent never invite someone sick to your party don't use a pencil sick on thick and fancy paper never fight in a war always get the biggest bed if you have a bad taste in your mouth at the beach you may need mouthwash never eat nuts you find in your yard there's 325 of these tips and they are all awesome yeah he ripped the idea off the old nickelodeon showned declassified school survival guide i didn't learn that until much later but the tips are all his here's a few more don't fart in public sick don't wear socks and sandals it's okay to get mad at your sister if she doesn't understand you never learn too much in one day never dissect anything just pair up with someone and make them do it never swim near fisherman if you want to collect something collect something you already have make your hair in a hip style if someone is scaring you pretend to be asleep i really from the bottom of my heart would love to read them all you should make a post with them and put the link here also if they are all like these it should go in a book i'd totally buy that twice my wife brought my three-year-old son to my job site since he really wanted to drive the excavator so my uncle who operates the excavator lets him dig some holes and play around while sitting on my uncle's lap he then comes up to me and says daddy i want to drive the excavator with you i told him i don't know how to you have to go with your uncle his reply it's okay daddy i'll teach you with the biggest smirk on his face i'm now imagining an adult male with a child on his lap and on that child's lap another adult being taught how to drive that thing my toddler just threw her dinner on the floor started clapping yelled her ai i as loudly as her little lungs could possibly allow then looked right at me holding up her palm for a high five i high-fived my daughter in celebration now that's a weird flex right there i'm 11 years older than my little brother and when he was four he went around the entire neighborhood and wrote his name on everyone's garage doors in really big letters with a permanent marker my son who was four or five at the time walked into the kitchen and said to my wife give me my usual but put it in a real glass she's like what your milk it was then we realized we had to rain in the ipad and curse of monkey island two percent on the rocks half a twist and put some english on it my four-year-old henry was carrying a tub of legos down the stairs it was slightly heavy but he insisted on carrying it himself he was struggling so i was walking slowly with him in case he fell he says through little four-year-old grunts this box is heavy i have to use hungry powers i used to tell people that when you go through a puberty your testicles morphed together to become one big testicle you were wise beyond your years was running behind for work today and the young one told me she had to poop i asked if she could hold it until daycare two-minute drive she said no she wasn't lying she had already pooped as i was asking it was on the kitchen floor this is beautiful prose my youngest shoots randomly too the true reasons are unfathomable prose my daughter had a paper from school that she brought home on the paper it said if i had a million dollars i would and all the kids had to put their answer my daughter wrote that she would pop out her eyeballs when i asked her about it later she explained how she wanted to pop out her eyeballs and replace them with chocolate eyeballs oh man i'm an optometric assistant and i wish someone would say something like this to our eye doctor i'd love to see the look on his face my four-year-old son kept peeling on the toilet seat because he wouldn't hold his dong i told him he had to start holding it and his response was i can't hold it because it's too big well after spending seven years on reddit my most popular comment is now about my four-year-old dong thank you what a chat when i was young my little sister nearly failed kindergarten she didn't know the alphabet in fact she didn't bother trying to learn it when asked why she said i don't need to learn my letters because i'm pretty way i ahead of the age curve on that one props my five-year-old talks to all of the animals they're all her friends she literally names every creature she sees in a day see a moth oh that's stella my moth friend a bird that's jake my bird friend he's on his way to his grandma's a rattlesnake don't kill it mom that's jenna she's a nice protector snake no she won't go near it she's smarter than that just really weird she's also insists that she's a super kid with batteries for everything doesn't wanna eat anymore my food battery is full doesn't wanna go to bed my sleep battery is full and she shows you where these batteries are one on her leg another on her neck i'm starting to wonder if i was abducted this brought a genuine smile to my face she sounds amazing lol a friend of mine had two young boys the older one maybe five was sitting with him and pointed at a white hair and said what's this papa my friend said oh it just means i'm getting old and his son looked at him dead serious looked at his brother and said well i guess it's justice and mom soon [Music] my wedding day the ring bearer 5 yo is meeting one of my groomsmen 19 yo for the first time ever ring bearer walks up is introduced and he responds by going i know where your nuts are and i'm the perfect height to just punch them than he just stood there not my child my brother-in-law oops my bad my son started second grade this week a couple of weeks ago the school sent out postcards with the date and time of the open house and his teacher's name i asked him if he was excited to be in mrs so and so is class and he said yes but he's also worried i asked what he was worried about and he said what if she falls in love with me and wants to marry me i laughed and reassured him that he need not worry since she's already married obligatory not apparent disclaimer when i was in kindergarten one of the boys came up to me and said i'm so strong i brush my teeth without water it's always stuck with me because i was genuinely impressed i ran around all day sharing the news as if it was some miraculous superpower or something when i was an after-school tutor for primary school kids i excused a boy to the bathroom he came back telling me he made the biggest poo in the world he intentionally didn't flush so that i could come look at it i told him that was great but it was our time he said his big poo was art my kid wanted company in the bathroom the other day then he said i love pooping with a sigh of contentment my three-year-old nephew was walking around the house one day he kept touching his private area so we asked if he needed to go to the bathroom he says no so we asked why does he keep touching his private area his reply cause it's pretty and gives us a huge smile and walks off i can fit two popcorn kernels inside there his foreskin he managed to fit two popcorn kernels under his foreskin he was four at this time this kind of reads like he told you he could do it and you were like no prove it i'll be damned i was telling the six-year-old about my lottery tickets and he asked if we win can i have one million i am going to give it to my principal so he closes the school forever evil mastermind i went to a nature park with my cousin and her kid who is about five we went into the reptile house so i started telling my cousin's daughter about snakes after i was done she just turned to me said hey you know what i know and repeated every fact that i just told her back to verbatim when my daughter was four we were eating dinner together at my desk watching videos of cute animals spaghetti and a half glass of milk so it wouldn't spill in my keyboard she says to me daddy today we learned about capacity oh yeah kiddo what does that mean the amount a container can hold i'm impressed it spot on and say wow you really get that concept she responds sincerely daddy you didn't fill my cup to capacity my three-year-old said she wanted to be a scientist i was so proud the next day we were driving and she says dad there's a scientist it was a guy on a street corner spinning a sign for a pizza place a scientist sigh i'm not a parent but i sometimes play with my nieces when i visit my family members my oldest niece's favorites thing when she was just starting to speak was puppies she loved dogs of all kinds and one surefire way to make her smile was to point one out to her however for a long time she only knew puppy and not dog come one day i'm reading one of her animal books to her and we get to the dog i say hey look it's a puppy she just turns to me with a stern look and says no dog i really felt put in my place like she was insulted that i was patronizing her my son kept asking me something and i said you have already asked me that twice and he said i will ask three times if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: Updoot Everything

Views: 73,905

Rating: 4.9470067 out of 5

Keywords: parents, parents stories, weird flex, parenting, parenting tips, parenting 101, weird, flex, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh

Id: p-8ivxCXqpI

Length: 19min 15sec (1155 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 02 2020