Parents, What Don’t You Want Your Kids To Know About You? (r/AskReddit | Reddit Stories)

parents have read it what is something you never want your children to know about you that i spank their mom all the damn time that v8 isn't colloquially known as superman juicing that it doesn't actually make you immediately grow and run faster i demonstrate the effects of it by standing behind the kitchen counter as they sit and watch me drink it myself then i slightly go on my tiptoes as their eyes widen and their jaws drop to the floor meanwhile i pretend to not notice if anything happened and ask them if i grew at all then with wide eyes they squeal that i did and furiously chug the v8 then they asked me if they grew and i told them their arms got your worst a little longer all their ears grew jewish a little etc then they sprint across the house to see if they feel faster good way of getting them to drink some liquid veggies and get some exercise edit thank you that i don't like being a parent i love my kids but i miss being able to be selfish once and a while without feeling like an enormous piece of it that i met her father on a bdsm dating site and that we normally don't have a six without some sort of roughness or kink or about our drawer of fun that i have no idea what i'm doing i'm literally just them but a few decades on at no point did i suddenly transform into an adult i love maps candy rolling around on the couch mumbling to myself being warm and cozy i'm still not keen on the dark don't like going to the dentist forget stuff all the time everything has been a conscious effort to act like some hypothetical adult figure or a massive effort not to think too hard about stuff like mortgage payments responsibility duties in case it overwhelms me and i find myself paralyzed by fair basically we are the same i am you with a lot of life on my shoulders you are me before it all happened that i dropped out of high school and got my get i want her to graduate not one day say to me well you dropped out why can't i pretty much anything i did between the ages of 16 and 22. that i was boring as duck i never did anything or have a socratic's life that i'd want to hide guess that's something i wouldn't want the kids to know who wants to be known for being boring about the things i do with their mother when we are naked i peed in their mom's mouth once during oral i was a heroin addict for many years and on methadone for several more before i got clean my son was eight when i was finally done with it that in college i taped a dildo to my head and uniconductor stripper on my birthday right alongside my best friend doing the same thing to another stripper we're not actually in the bedroom discussing taxes for the third time as a dad i'm not really a huge fan of the idea that any aspect of my life should be a secret i really didn't know a lot about my own dad before he died he was in my life just a very private person i learned more about his past and the week it took to clear out his apartment than i did in the 27 years i knew him my wife and i are good people college graduates decent jobs take care of our family things got carried away one night with one of my wife's friends and we had a threesome while my son was in his crib in our room not necessarily about me but about my father i never want them to know about him at all because i don't want them to know he was a pedophile who died in prison in passing my father told me that he decided to have a second kid me only as a backup option if something bad happens to the first kid i died a little inside that i was a stripper in my early twenties probably that i've had more than one threesome with their mother and godmother their now godmother was single at the time and we were much younger just something we used to do when the three of us got drunk together all the partying and drugs i did in college the random six skipping class going to mexico with some guy i met two days before drinking all the time getting a dui abusing rx drugs going to psych wards twice and letting their dad duck me in the ass i'll try to keep most of my past the past the amount of times their strong invincible daddy has cried without them seeing that i've watched her provingly as her mother gets played by another man while i plue that man's wife in return and that this was not a one-time thing it's me switching off the tv with the second remote and not tv running out of battery after 30 minutes of use if when i have kids i probably won't want them to know i met their father on 4chan we get away with telling our families we met on farmersonly.com but probably won't work on our kids since they'll probably know we aren't farmers i don't tell many people this but i never wanted children when i found out i was pregnant i was absolutely devastated i made an appointment to have an abortion but never went through with it and throughout my pregnancy i don't think bonded with her i almost tried to act as if it wasn't happening even when i gave birth i was scared to death it took a while for me to bond with her and when i finally did she had a regression and a major personality change and was diagnosed with autism i feel responsible because of my negative attitude during my pregnancy now i love her more than life itself everyday she gives me a reason to smile and she has the such a beautiful soul but my pregnancy is my most shameful time in my life that i have no college degree and mommy does yet i make six figures and mommy couldn't even find a job in her field also we were both arrested for duis and were both on probation at the same time when we met in fact it's what we talked about when we met at a bar i tried to buy her a drink she had a breathalyzer in her car and couldn't drink because of dui the rest as they say is history i really really wanted a boy but after she was born i was happy to have a girl my three-month-old daughter had constipation so bad it was making her scream her head off in pain i took my index finger and dug the rock hard balls of it out of her anus immediate relief and no more crying and pain big look of relief on her face as i wiped away massive tears with other hand i felt bad and good simultaneously but as a dad you will do anything to help your kids afterwards i spend 10 minutes washing hands like a doctor while she fell asleep in her crib that i had to duck mommy to have him they have been made to believe that duck is a nasty word that when my four years old son was diagnosed with stage four cancer and he'd sleep with his mom i'd sleep in his bed crying all night thinking about how i was going to explain to him what death was and how to to explain that he was going to die date he didn't die and i didn't have to explain it to him he's five years cancer-free now but for months it really wasn't certain that he'd make it it had spread through both of his lungs he recently asked me how we felt when he was going through it he hardly remembers it he asked if we cried and were worried during it all we kept a stiff upper lip and tried to be very positive whenever we were around him so as to not worry him edit thank you for the kind words and for the gold still not sure what the gold does means but thank you how much trouble i would have been in if social media existed when i was in school that i worked on several seasons of keeping up with the kardashians i'm split from my son's mother but i'd rather him not know about the times my friends and idp'd his mom or did the eifel tower or tag teamed those fat chicks one time i snorted a line of coke off of my then boyfriend's d and i can't believe i just posted this that i met her mother on an online dating website if she asks i'll do a mosby and go through my life story of love conquests with any luck she won't last for five minutes that i am alive i got a girl pregnant in afghanistan nice girl u.s army met her somewhere we were doing security and we just smashed she shipped back home and ended up telling everyone i died she has a whole story about how we met fell in love and two days later i was dead something something heroic diving on a grenade to save her mom or something so my little girl is growing up thinking her dad was some kind of knight and shining on the hero truth is i'm a ducking monster i will never get to meet her i don't want to destroy her by telling her her daddy is not a hero and more like a villain that on top of the mommy's been lying to you speech i think would duck her up for life how when my three kids were small was just a private in the army my wife and i would eat 0.69 bean burritos for lunch dinner from taco bell so that we could afford the 25 bounce check fee on the 100 grocery check we couldn't cover we would write the check knowing we didn't have the money in the bank but kids gotta eat don't get me started on the payday loans we only ever got out of with our tax refund hugh things are great nowadays and they are all three happy as can be but for a couple of years there life was tough builds character i guess equals we have no clue what we are doing it's not like children are born with instruction manuals i don't want my sons to know that 90 of the naughty things that they do is f king hilarious but i have to maintain dad mode so they don't run riot or turn into little bastards that i didn't lock myself in the bathroom because i was sick back when we lived in the blue house in felida you were too young to know any better than to think other than daddy being silly and making funny noises at you through the bathroom door in reality i had overdosed on heroin and if you hadn't told mommy when you did the paramedics won't have gotten to me in time you saved my life lizzy when i stop and think about that guilt and shame mixed with gratitude overwhelm me and it brings me to tears edit i no longer do heroin a lot of the stuff in this thread makes me feel like these are things you don't want your kid to find out while they're still kids but would be fine if they found out as adults mine i hope she never finds out i don't even like thinking about it now i hope my daughter never finds out how much of an advocate i was for an abortion or how much of a terrible guy i was to her mother in general i could never envision a future where i'd grow up and be an adult or that her mother would grow up and be an actual adult and we could get along and be decent parents we aren't together but co-parenting has been effortless and i'm so grateful for my daughter's existence and how much it changed my life mommy and i were a one-night stand and that single night is all it took to conceive you as a result of us being ducked up and my pullout game being weak as duck and sorry bobby mommy and daddy never loved each other we tried for a long time but he just never had the chance of working out colon we both love you though very much p.s please stop pissing on me i know you can't aim yet but seriously man that it smells like asparagus or something that mama used to do foot fetish photo shoots for a company called foottopia that has since been brought up and destroyed into real porn footage data hit mama was not a part of but mama had a damn good body and pretty feet i'm not a parent but i have a story that's relevant one of my friends is a swinger and she became very good friends with a married couple that she met while swinging i've socialized with them a couple times when my friend had non-swinger parties and they are the most normal seeming people ever they are regular churchgoers and have raised two perfectly normal daughters one of whom i met at one of those parties who never had any idea that their parents go to swing clubs on their date nights and jet off to swinger resorts for their vacations one of their daughters even made the decision to remain a virgin until married which i find rather amusing when juxtaposed with her parents enjoyment of hookups with random people my friend told me that the kids did find out recently but she didn't have any more details i can't even imagine how weird that must have been tl dr swingers that i was molested as a child that my parents those same grandparents that my kids love so much betrayed me by not listening to me by not believing my story which resulted in prolonged abuse my teenage years of petty crime drugs reckless behavior that i have no idea who i am this person i was before is gone i am the picture-perfect parent though i have no idea if you saw me i have created this persona and lifestyle with family career activities the whole nine yards while i harbor the darkest thoughts the contrast is borderline comical when i think of it that i put out on the first date with their daddy who i met on myspace mommy is apparently a hoe that i hate myself and every day i don't kill myself is a victory to all parents of red did hide your porn really well really really well there are some things i wish i didn't know that my son's dad is worse no clue where he's at if he's even alive nothing a it person or that my boy is a product of his father raping me and all the abuse he put me through no child deserves that i've no idea how i'm going to explain to him as he gets older as to why his father isn't around and chose not to see him my boy is a bright happy enthusiastic boy but my heart hurts for him that i almost didn't wake up after surgery yesterday before i was married and had my kids i spent six years in the navy four of those years on a ship with two deployments overseas i would not want my kids to know what took place on those deployments nothing bad but very much adult content that they don't need to hear their father being involved in neither dad or i graduated from hs but both have 100 k-year jobs i smoke weed daily and hate peas that they have been times during this four-year journey of parenthood that i've sat and thought why the duck did we have kids i love my kids but parenting is hard who knew that my grades are pretty mediocre most people think i am some always gandalf i want my kids to work harder and slack less than i did how positive my relationship with drugs have been could be one thing if i were a stoner who found value in moderation but i actually don't care for that at all i drank far too much throughout high school and college and somehow i never ended up in the hospital or jail or the morgue despite many times that i probably should have been sent to the hospital i smoked crack for a number of months and i never got in trouble legal financial or illegal or addicted i still roll face and rave and again i have had no problems just joy it's not like i avoided these consequences because i was especially responsible i just got lucky and now here i am barely any worse for wear with a master's degree and a job in my field that i love i do not want my kids to be able to think hey look at dad i should go abuse stimulants and alcohol with reckless abandon cause it all worked out for him my life is so uneventful that i have nothing to really hide from my kids there are things i won't bring up but nothing i would be embarrassed about if it was discovered nice try three-month-old daughter snooping through my radit history in the ethereal future also do your homework also i love you how much i resent their mother for sleeping from 4am to midday every day because she's up all night playing second life that mommy and daddy's friends are more than just friends i'm divorced ex-wife cheated on me and left but happily remarried with two beautiful kids i'm planning to never mention my divorce until someday when one of my daughters is wrecked from some relationship crumbling i can bust it out and use it as an example that there is life and often a much better life in my case a much better life beyond the horizon of the its will you find yourself in my hope is that the shock of finding out that dad was married before coupled with how much happier i am in this relationship will help snap her out of whatever she's dealing with and give her hope that i was precisely the type of man i'll be teaching her to avoid at all costs the suave say anything player duck head she probably will know at some point so i can't really drive the message home but i would rather she never does i ducking love sugar i haven't had in over 10 years but i love it i've slept with three of my daughter's teachers so far so this is kinda sad but to us the child we are raising is kinda our child we love him and wouldn't want anything to happen to him however he's not actually our child we don't know what happened to our child but my wife and i were reading an article and were surprised to find that it was impossible for him to have blue eyes my parents nor my wife's parents had blue eyes yet our child does have blue eyes it genetically can't happen so at some point last year we got a paternity test and maternity test sort of thing we are not the parents sometimes i wonder what our child actually looks like but i'm afraid that if we go through to find out our son will be taken away and we will never see him again that myself and their mother did anal in their bedroom had a few too many drinks at night ended up in the wrong room when they were at a sleepover daddy what's that stain oh me and mommy had donuts and i dropped some glaze on the floor little do they know i glazed their mother like a donut that i've smoked weed i have terminal cancer and sometimes it's the only thing that helps i was just as unclear before she was born i'm sure this will get buried i let my five-year-old think he can lift me up because i love how happy he gets i stand on my tippy toes for the effect i'd probably prefer my daughter not know the intimate details of the sexual stuff my wife and i do that i'm not the man i would be without them they're the strength that made me the person i am today i used to be shy hidden away and just wanted nothing to do with the world now there's nothing that'll stop me from paving the way for her to live a better life without being judged and free to live how she wants i'm much stronger because of what i want to offer her something the world i was raised and didn't offer me how many people i've slept with the drugs i've done how often i'm drunk i'll never tell them details about my vegas trips or pretty much any bro trip when i was single the fact that while i place extremely high value on intellectual curiosity and learning and despite the fact that my partner and i both have advanced degrees i have very little confidence in mainstream education at the primary and secondary levels i've lived in three countries with different systems seen a variety of school types in each they all suck that i didn't like math when i was in school my parents told me they hated math and found it hard to i think that gave me an excuse to sort of give up on it the stupid thing is i didn't even find math hard i only disliked it because it was the only class i regularly got homework for i think my parents unintentionally reinforced my negative attitude towards math to the point that in the end i really did find it a struggle at least compared to my other classes i want to try having a relentlessly positive attitude towards math with my kids and see if i can't have the opposite effect on them [Music] you

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Id: eAFC7kWHWM4

Length: 21min 0sec (1260 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 08 2020