NAME A REASON YOU'D DUMP A GUY. MINTEE: HIS PENIS IS TOO SMALL. AUDIENCE: OH! [CHEERING AND LAUGHTER] WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE? MINTEE: THAT'S MY 90-YEAR-OLD GRANDFATHER. [LAUGHTER] MY GRANDMOTHER. MY PARENTS. MY GRANDMOTHER. MY PARENTS. MY AUNT AND UNCLE. [LAUGHTER] HIS VERY SMALL PACKAGE. BESIDES GUM, NAME SOMETHING PEOPLE CHEW ON BUT DON'T SWALLOW. [BUZZER] MOLLY: SPERM. I DON'T KNOW. STEVE: WHAT? SPERM! [BUZZER] ALL RIGHT, ASHLEY, YOU GOT TO BE CAREFUL. WE GOT TWO STRIKES. PATTERSON FAMILY CAN STEAL. GIVE ME A REASON A LADY SQUIRREL MIGHT SAY SHE'S NUTS ABOUT HER MATE. ASHLEY: HE HAS BIG NUTS. STEVE: 'CAUSE HE GOT...'CAUSE HE GOT BIG NUTS. [LAUGHS] GOT BIG NUTS. [LAUGHS] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] BRITTNEY, MY BOSS MAY HAVE MORE MONEY THAN I DO, BUT I GOT MORE BLANK THAN HE DOES. BRITTNEY: MONEY. I'M GONNA MAKE MORE MONEY... STEVE: MY BOSS MAY HAVE MORE MONEY THAN I DO, BUT I HAVE MORE MONEY THAN HE DOES. SEE, BRITTNEY SAID THAT MY BOSS MAY HAVE MORE MONEY THAN I DO, BUT I HAVE MORE MONEY THAN HE DOES. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] STEVE: ALL RIGHT, VALERIE, INTRODUCE EVERYBODY. VALERIE: ALL RIGHT, RIGHT HERE, FIRST UP, WE HAVE MY BIG BROTHER, BALLOON FREAK, PAUL, JR. THEN WE HAVE MY DOG-BARKING DAD PAUL, SR. [IMITATING A DOG BARKING AND SNORTING] STEVE: YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! COME ON, BOY, ONE MORE TIME. [BARKING AND SNORTING] HE THAT GOOD DOG, TOO. [SNORTING] REBECA, 2 STRIKES. YOU GOTTA BE CAREFUL. OTHER FAMILY CAN STEAL. GIVE ME SOMETHING A LONELY PLUMBER MIGHT DO WITH HIS PLUNGER. REBECA: HE MIGHT BRING IT WITH HIM TO THE BATHROOM. STEVE: WHAT DO-- REBECA: LIKE USE IT AS A PLUNGER? [LAUGHTER] WHAT YOU DID. SHOW ME WHAT YOU DID. [LAUGHTER] NO. [INDISTINCT]. WHO IS THE GUY BACK THERE WITH THE GLASSES ON? OH, THAT'S MY DADDY. STEVE: THAT'S WHAT-- REBECA: THAT'S MY DADDY! STEVE: I DID LIKE THAT, HE WENT... REBECA: THAT'S MY DADDY! STEVE: "HEY, HEY. LET'S SHUT ALL THIS DOWN." HEY, POP SAID, "HEY." USE IT! TERRY, SOMETHING A MAN HOLDS IN FRONT OF HIS LAP WHEN HIS ZIPPER BREAKS. TERRY: STEVE, I'M GONNA SAY A CUP. STEVE: A CUP. STEVE: AW, YEAH. AW, YEAH. AIN'T NOBODY GONNA NOTICE NOTHIN' NOW. OH, YEAH, YOU PUT A CUP RIGHT THERE, BUDDY... [LAUGHTER] AIN'T NOBODY GONNA EVER KNOW THAT. YOU'RE JUST GONNA PUT THAT CUP... TERRY: YOU KNOW WHEN YOU AT THE CLUB AND YOU HAVE A DRINK IN YOUR HAND-- STEVE: OH! HOLD UP, PASTOR. TERRY: BUT I'M NOT AT THE CLUB. I'M JUST SAYING. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] IF YOU'RE AT THE CLUB, YOU GOT A DRINK, YOU KNOW. [LAUGHTER] YEAH! STEVE: A CUP. [BUZZER] AUDIENCE: AWW... NIGEL, 100 SINGLE WOMEN. FIRST THING YOU DO WHEN YOU GET HOME FROM AN ANNOYING BLIND DATE. NIGEL: I'M GONNA MAKE THIS REALLY, UH, PG AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. UM, PLAY WITH THEIRSELVES? JUSTIN: HA HA HA! [SCATTERED APPLAUSE] NIGEL: FONDLING? JUSTIN: HA HA HA! NIGEL: IS FONDLING A BETTER ANSWER? JUSTIN: HA HA HA! NIGEL: HE LIKE IT. SEE? SEE HIS FACE? STEVE: MR. CLIVE LOOK LIKE HE WANT TO BUST YOUR HEAD. [BUZZER] NAME SOMETHING A MAN MIGHT WEAR TO WORK IF HIS FEMALE BOSS TOLD HIM TO DRESS SEXIER. DAVID: I'M GONNA GO WITH NIPPLE RINGS, STEVE. RISHAWN: HA HA HA! DAVID: STEVE! [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] DAVID: WHERE YOU GOING, STEVE? STEVE: WHERE I'M GOING? RISHAWN: HA HA HA! STEVE: OVER HERE 'CAUSE THAT AIN'T FITTIN' TO BE UP THERE. RISHAWN: IT'S UP THERE, STEVE. STEVE: NO, IT'S NOT! [LAUGHTER] NOBODY TOLD YOU TO WEAR NO DAMN NIPPLE RING TO WORK! [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] TELL ME A PLACE YOU GO WHERE YOU TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES. REGINA: SLIP AND SLIDE. JON: YEAH. YEAH! I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS KIND OF STUFF. WHAT IS SLIP AND SLIDE? REGINA: YOU KNOW, THE ONE THAT WE USED TO PLAY MR. WIGGLE WITH. [LAUGHTER] JOSH: MR. WIGGLE? I DIDN'T SAY IT. I DIDN'T SAY IT. STEVE: WAIT A MINUTE. HOLD IT. WAIT. REGINA: THE LITTLE WIGGLE THAT YOU GO AND YOU SLIDE DOWN. STEVE: YOU SLIDE DOWN MR. WIGGLE? REGINA: NO. MR. WIGGLE IS WIGGLING AND WETTING YOU WHILE YOU'RE SLIDING. STEVE: WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE. MR. WIGGLE IS WETTING YOU? AND THEN THE SLIDE? REGINA: YEAH. AND THE SLIDE THAT YOU SLIDE, YOU KNOW. JON: GET IT NICE AND LUBED UP, EH? STEVE: MISS REGINA, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? [LAUGHTER] REGINA: YOU KNOW, MR. WIGGLE. STEVE: I'M FAMILIAR WITH MR. WIGGLE. REGINA: RIGHT. BUT IT WIGGLES AROUND TO WET YOU. STEVE: IS IT ANYTHING... REGINA: AND IT WETS... STEVE: IT WIGGLES AROUND TO WET YOU? SO, REGINA, MR. WIGGLES, HE DONE GOT LOOSE. MR. WIGGLES IS JUST-- REGINA: YEAH. YEAH. STEVE: ALL OVER THE PLACE. WHOO! AND YOU GETTING WET. YOU LOOK UNHAPPY. GO AHEAD. REGINA: BECAUSE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, AND I THOUGHT EVERYBODY HAD--ESPECIALLY MY AGE WOULD KNOW ABOUT MR. WIGGLE. STEVE: I TOLD YOU. REGINA, I TOLD YOU I'M VERY FAMILIAR WITH MR. WIGGLE. I JUST--I NEVER CALLED HIM THAT. BUT THAT'S... [LAUGHTER] REGINA: WELL, WHAT DID YOU CALL HIM? STEVE: RUSSELL. REGINA: OH, OK. OURS WAS MR. WIGGLE. [LAUGHTER] STEVE: IT WAS RUSSELL THE WONDER MUSCLE. YOU CAN CALL YOURS MR. WIGGLE IF YOU WANT TO. MINE IS RUSSELL THE WONDER MUSCLE. WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, HE HAD A HIP-HOP NAME. I CALLED HIM NOTORIOUS B.I.G. [LAUGHTER] JOSH: OH, MY GOD. STEVE: JUST NOTORIOUS FOR SHORT. MR. WIGGLE! [BUZZER] MARVIN, WHAT'S UP, MAN? MARVIN: HOW ARE YOU, UNCLE STEVE? STEVE: I LIKE THIS, MARVIN. MARVIN: THANK YOU, STEVE. STEVE: RIGHT UP MY ALLEY RIGHT HERE. MARVIN: THANK YOU, UNCLE STEVE. STEVE: YEAH, I WEAR PIMP STUFF. MARVIN: IS THAT RIGHT? WE BROUGHT YOU A UNCLE MARV SPECIAL. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] [LAUGHTER] MAN: YEAH, YEAH. YEAH, YEAH. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] NIKI: YEAH! [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] SINGERS: ♪ I CAN TURN THE GRAY SKY BLUE I CAN MAKE IT RAIN WHENEVER I WANT IT TO OH, I CAN BUILD A CASTLE FROM A SINGLE GRAIN OF SAND I CAN MAKE A SHIP SAIL ON DRY LAND BUT MY LIFE IS INCOMPLETE AND I'M SO BLUE 'CAUSE I CAN'T GET NEXT TO YOU I CAN'T GET NEXT TO YOU, GIRL I CAN'T GET NEXT TO YOU I CAN'T GET NEXT TO YOU, GIRL I CAN'T GET NEXT TO YOU I CAN FLY LIKE A BIRD IN THE SKY HEY, I CAN BUY ANYTHING THAT MONEY CAN'T BUY, OH I CAN TURN A RIVER INTO A RAGING FIRE I CAN LIVE FOREVER IF I SO DESIRE ♪ STEVE: YEAH. BOY, LOOK AT ME. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] STEVE: ALEISHA, WHAT DO YOU DO? ALEISHA: I'M AN INBOUND MARKETING STRATEGIST FOR COLLEGES AND UNIVERSITIES DURING THE DAY, AND AT NIGHT I'M A DANCER, NOT THE EXOTIC KIND. STEVE: YEAH. SO YOU MARRIED? ALEISHA: I AM NOT, NOT YET. STEVE: NOT YET? WELL, WHAT'S WRONG? [LAUGHTER] ALEISHA: WELL, I'M JUST WAITING ON HIM TO POP THE QUESTION. [AUDIENCE OOHs] YEAH. STEVE: WHO--WHO IS HE? ALEISHA: UH, HE IS MY LITTLE SUGAR, DARK-SKINNED, TALL EVERYTHING TO ME. STEVE: REALLY? ALEISHA: YES. STEVE: Y'ALL KNOW HIM? BRANDON: OH, YES. YES, SIR. STEVE: HE ALL RIGHT, THOUGH? DAMION: HE COOL. STEVE: HE COOL? DAMION: HE REAL COOL. STEVE: OK. DAMION: HE REAL COOL. STEVE: HE PASSED THE TEST? DAMION: AND HE'S A DOCTOR. STEVE: HE'S A DOCTOR? OOH! ALEISHA: HA HA! DAMION: RIGHT. ALEISHA: I WASN'T GONNA SAY THAT. I WAS LEAVING THAT PART OUT. STEVE: GIRL, YOU NEED TO HURRY UP. ALEISHA: HA! STEVE: YOU NEED TO HURRY UP. YOU CAN'T LET THAT ONE GET AWAY. ALEISHA: IT'LL BE TWO YEARS, JULY 7 THAT WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER. STEVE: OH, THAT YOU ALL BEEN DATING? ALEISHA: YEAH. STEVE: OH, THAT AIN'T THAT LONG. ALEISHA: IT'S COMING. STEVE: YOU THINK SO? ALEISHA: OH, I KNOW SO. [LAUGHTER] I KNOW. STEVE: I BET YOU DON'T. ALEISHA: I MIGHT NOT KNOW THE DATE THAT IT'S COMING, BUT I KNOW IT'S COMING. STEVE: YEAH. 'CAUSE, SEE, I'M THE C.L.O. LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING. ALEISHA: OH, OK. STEVE: COME HERE. I'M GONNA SHOW YOU SOMETHING. COME OUT HERE. NOW YOU STAND HERE. ALEISHA: OK. STEVE: OK, COME ON. NOW I WANT YOU TO SEE SOMETHING. I WANT YOU TO PAY ATTENTION TO ME. NOW, I'M GONNA LET YOU SEE SOMETHING THAT YOU DON'T KNOW, SINCE YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] BRANDON: OH, MAN! STEVE: COME ON, NOW. BRANDON: WOW! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] MAN: YOU OK? ALL RIGHT. HEH! GIVE ME THIS HAND, TOO. WOMAN: WHOO! MAN: SURPRISE. [LAUGHTER] ALEISHA: YOU LIED TO ME. HA HA! MAN: I'M HERE TODAY, ON NATIONAL TELEVISION, IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE, ASKING YOU IF YOU WOULD DO ME THE HONOR OF LIGHTENING UP MY LIFE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] WILL YOU MARRY ME? STEVE: YEAH! YEAH! MAN: YES. AND HERE WE GO. STEVE: YEAH! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] YEAH! MAN: YOU GOT TO GO WIN SOME MONEY. ALEISHA: I'M SUPPOSED TO PLAY AFTER THIS? MAN: YEAH, WE GOT TO-- STEVE: YEAH. MAN: COME ON, NOW. WE GOT A WEDDING TO PAY FOR. STEVE: THAT WAS GOOD. RIGHT ON, BROTHER. CONGRATULATIONS, MAN. MAN: I APPRECIATE THIS, MAN. STEVE: CONGRATULATIONS. MAN: I APPRECIATE IT. I GOT TO TAKE HER BACK TO THE FAMILY RIGHT NOW. STEVE: YEAH. MAN: THEY GOT TO WIN SOME MONEY, STEVE. STEVE: YEAH. THERE YOU GO. APPRECIATE YOU, MAN. NICE MOVE. WAY TO BE A PLAYER, BOY. YEAH. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
