>>> IT'S "TOM GREEN LIVE"! LIVE FROM LOS ANGELES. TONIGHT'S SPECIAL GUEST -- NORM MACDONALD. ♪♪ >>> WELCOME TO THE SHOW. WELCOME BACK. IT'S THE FIRST SHOW OF THE NEW SEASON. HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF OUR VIEWERS WATCHING AROUND THE WORLD. HAPPY 2014 TO ALL OF OUR VIEWERS ON THE EAST COAST, WE ARE WISHING YOU WELL. WE KNOW YOU'RE GOING THROUGH TOUGH TIMES NOW WITH THE POLAR VORTEX. COMING AT YOU LIVE FROM SUNNY LOS ANGELES. YOU KNOW, WE ARE EXCITED TO BE HERE. WE'RE EXCITED TO BE HERE. I WANT TO START BY SAYING THERE IS A LOT OF -- AROUND HERE AT THE SHOW. BEFORE I TELL YOU ABOUT THE CHANGES I WANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT SOMETHING I DISCOVERED THIS WEEK. I DISCOVERED -- THIS IS A BIG THING IN LOS ANGELES. I'M PROBABLY THE LAST ONE TO GET ONLINE WITH THIS. THIS IS THE CRONUT. THIS ONE HAD A BITE OUT OF IT ALREADY. I DON'T KNOW WHY IT ALREADY HAD A BITE OUT OF IT. DID YOU TAKE A BITE, JOHN? IT'S THE PROP CRONUT. BASICALLY THIS IS A COMBINATION OF A DONUT AND A CROISSANT WHICH IS A FRENCH WORD, CROISSANT. YEAH. I SPEAK FRENCH. OUR GUEST NORM MACDONALD SPEAKS FRENCH, TOO. BORN IN QUEBEC CITY. SO THE CROISSANT, THE CRONUT IS DELICIOUS. THE REASON I DISCOVERED THIS -- LET'S TAKE A BITE. I DISCOVERED THIS BECAUSE WE DECIDED WE WERE GOING TO START DOING A SEGMENT ON THE SHOW CALLED THE PEOPLE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, WE ARE GOING TO CALL IT. THAT'S THE NAME WE CAME UP WITH. A GREAT LITTLE DONUT SHOP AROUND THE CORNER HERE IN BEAUTIFUL DOWNTOWN BURBANK. LET'S HAVE A LOOK. THIS IS THE DONUT SHOP. IT'S BEEN HERE PROBABLY SINCE THE '50s OR '60s. I SHOULD HAVE FIGURED OUT. I LOST MY MONITOR AGAIN. OH, WELL. I LOST MY MONITOR. THERE WE GO. DOESN'T MATTER. WE HAVE A NEW CAMERA TRUCK. IT'S WORKING WELL. WE ARE EXCITED ABOUT IT. WE HAVE ALL SORTS OF NEW TECHNOLOGY. THAT'S WHY YOU MAY NOTICE THE SHOW LOOKS A LITTLE BETTER THIS WEEK. THE LIGHTING IS BETTER. I'M NOT MORE WELL-RESTED. WE HAVE BETTER LIGHTING. THIS IS OUR TRUCK. THIS IS A NEW SPACE AGE PIECE OF EQUIPMENT. THIS CAMERA TRUCK WAS USED BY NASA FOR EIGHT YEARS. THEY FILMED THE SPACE SHUTTLE LAUNCHES WITH THIS TRUCK. WE HAVE FOOTAGE. THIS IS ACTUAL FOOTAGE. IT WAS SHOT BY THE TRUCK WE ARE USING TONIGHT. THIS IS ACTUAL FOOTAGE OF THE SPACE SHUTTLE TAKING OFF WITH THE EXACT SAME EQUIPMENT WE ARE USING HERE TONIGHT TO FILM THIS SHOW. I'M PROUD OF THAT. IT'S ESSENTIALLY A METAPHOR FOR WHAT WE ARE TRYING TO DO. WE ARE TRYING TO TAKE TELEVISION INTO PLACES -- NEW PLACES, TRYING TO DISCOVER NEW ADVENTURES IN SPACE THIS SEASON. I'M TRYING -- I WANT TO HAVE FUN THIS SEASON ON THE SHOW. THAT'S WHY I'M TALKING LOUDER THAN I TALKED LAST SEASON. YOU MAY NOTICE MY VOICE IS LOUDERER THAN IT WAS LAST SEASON. IT'M TRYING TO HAVE MORE FUN. I'M GETTING A NEW CAR. CAN WE SHOW A PICTURE OF THE CAR I MAY PURCHASE FOR $750? THIS IS A 1974 PONTIAC FIREBIRD. THE IDEA IS THAT WE ARE GOING TO GET THIS CAR AND I WILL BE DRIVING AROUND LOS ANGELES OVER THE NEXT YEAR MAKING VIDEOS, STOPPING IN PLACES LIKE THE DONUT PRINCE AND OTHER LOS ANGELES LANDMARKS AND IT WILL BE FUN. THAT'S WHAT WE'RE DOING. THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE TONIGHT. THANK YOU TO OUR LOYAL VIEWERS. WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A GREAT SEASON. NORM MACDONALD IS HERE FOR THE HOUR. WE'LL TAKE YOUR CALLS. CALL AND TALK TO PEOPLE ON THE SHOW. GO TO MY TWITTER @TOM GREEN LIVE. ALL THE INFORMATION IS THERE ON HOW TO BE A PART OF THE SHOW. STICK AROUND. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH NORM MACDONALD FOR THE HOUR. YOU'RE WATCHING "TOM GREEN LIVE." >>> HELLO. WELCOME TO THE SHOW. NORM, THANK YOU FOR COMING TO THE SHOW. >> IT'S GREAT, MAN. I'M EXCITED. >> THIS IS GREAT TO HAVE YOU HERE. >> I LIKE THE DONUT PRINCE AND I WILL TELL YOU WHY. >> OKAY. >> THE MAN HAS HUMILITY. HE OWNS THE JOINT. HE COULD EASILY BE THE DONUT. >> RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT. >> KING. >> YEAH. >> HUMILITY IS A LOST VIRTUE, TOMMY. >> ABSOLUTELY. I HAVE TO ASK HIM THAT. I MET THE DONUT PRINCE YESTERDAY. >> YOU DID? >> I MET HIM. I ASKED IF IT WAS ALL RIGHT IF WE SPOKE ABOUT HIS ESTABLISHMENT ON A TELEVISION SHOW. I RAN IT PAST HIM. >> YEAH. >> HE SEEMED HAPPY TO HAVE US TALK ABOUT IT. >> SURE. HE LOVES THAT, MAN. UNLESS HE'S A BRUTAL PRINCE. >> COULD BE. IT WAS ONE OF THOSE THINGS WHERE YOU KNOW THERE ARE OLD BUSINESSES IN LOS ANGELES. ARE YOU ENJOYING THE CIGARETTE, NORM? I GAVE YOU THAT. >> YEAH. I NEVER HAD IT. >> YOU HAVE TO LET GO OF THE BUTTON WHEN YOU'RE NOT SMOKING IT OR IT WILL BLOW UP IN YOUR HAND. IT'S ESSENTIALLY A BATTERY THAT WILL EXPLODE. THE THING ABOUT THAT BRAND OF ELECTRONIC CIGARETTE, NOT TO GO ON AND ON ABOUT IT, BUT IF YOU SIT ON IT, YOU WILL FEEL IT STARTING TO BURN A HOLE. >> I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE HAD THE EXPERIMENT -- YOU DON'T SMOKE. BUT A PACK OF MATCHES SUDDENLY IGNI IGNITING IN YOUR -- >> THAT HAPPENS? >> YEAH. HAPPENS FREQUENTLY WITH COMMON SMOKERS. DO YOU KNOW MACHIAVELLI? >> SURE. >> IN HIS LATER DAYS HE WAS A BIG FAT PIG. HE WROTE ON POWER BY EATING. IT WAS CALLED THE DONUT PRINCE. >> YEAH, ABSOLUTELY. THE DONUT PRINCE WOULD FAKE HIS OWN DEATH TO HIDE FROM HIS ENEMIESES IN A PILE OF CRONUTS. >> THIS NETWORK IS OWNED BY MARK CUBAN. I DID A SHOW CALLED THE SPORTS SHOW. MARK LIKED IT AND WANTED TO DO IT ON HIS NETWORK WHICH WAS A DIFFERENT NAME. >> HD NET, YEAH. >> MY FAVORITE SCENE BECAUSE MY SON'S FAVORITE TEAM IS THE DALLAS MAVERICKS. I DON'T KNOW BASKETBALL. I'M FROM CANADA, LIKE YOU. >> YEAH. BUT YOU KNOW ABOUT SPORTS. YOU'RE A SPORTS GUY. >> I WOULDN'T PICK THE MAVERICKS BUT MY SON LOVES THEM. HE WAS ANGRY AT MARK CUBAN BECAUSE THE MAVERICKS HAD A SHOT AT DERON WILLIAMS. EVERYONE WAS TRYING TO WOO HIM. WHEN WILLIAMS WENT TO DALLAS, MARK CUBAN WAS HERE IN L.A. GETTING MAKEUP DONE FOR THEIR SHARK TANK. >> SO YOU'RE TRYING TO GET ME FIRED RIGHT NOW? >> GOD BLESS MARK CUBAN. I LOVE THAT GUY WITH WITH WITH HIS TEAM. HE'S IN THE STANDS. HE'S A FAN, THAT GUY. >> ABSOLUTELY. >> HE'S A FAN. HE TREATS HIS PLAYERS LIKE NO OTHER OWN ROWNER. HE'S THE ANTI-JERRY JONES. >> HE'S BEEN SUPPORTIVE OF THE LITTLE SHOW. >> YEAH? >> ENCOURAGING E-MAILS. >> THAT'S WONDERFUL. >> SO YOU'RE DOING A GREAT NEW TELEVISION SHOW NOW. A VIDEO PODCAST. NORM MACDONALD LIVE. >> I DID IT FOR A WHILE. YOU WERE ON IT. >> I WAS. >> YOU WERE KIND ENOUGH TO BE A GUEST. >> YEP. >> HERE'S HOW GOOD IT WAS. >> YEAH. >> IT WASN'T EVEN A TV SHOW. >> RIGHT. >> AND ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY RANKED IT AS THE THIRD BEST TV SHOW. >> THAT'S AMAZING. >> ISN'T THAT INCREDIBLE? >> BUT IT IS A TV SHOW. >> YES. I DO IT LIKE YOU'RE DOING THIS. THIS IS ON A TV NETWORK. I DO IT AS A TV SHOW THAT GOES TO THE, YOU KNOW, THE INTERNET. SO IT'S A VIDEO PODCAST, BUT IT'S NOT ONE OF THESE WHERE YOU GET TWO COMEDIANS TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT. >> LIKE THIS? >> NO, NO. WE'RE ACCESSIBLE. >> ABSOLUTELY. >> SOME OF THE COMEDY PODCASTS ARE SO -- YOU KNOW. THEY'RE LIKE -- NOW WE'RE DOING THE FULL HOUR WITH A GUY THAT'S BEEN ON "PARKS & REC" FOR THREE MONTHS. >> THERE ARE A LOT OF PODCASTS. YOU HAVE GREAT GUESTS. >> WE DO COMEDY. >> YOU HAD LARRY KING ON. >> THE GREAT LARRY KING. >> WHEN YOU HAD LARRY KING ON, YOU HAD SHOCKING SUBJECT MATTER. WERE YOU TRYING TO SHOCK LARRY? >> WELL, LARRY KING SAID HE WAS VERY FRIGHTENED OF DEATH. >> UH-HUH. >> OF COURSE YOU TAKE A SHOT AT HIM SAYING THAT AND HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S ABOUT A WEEK AWAY. IT'S LIKE A SKELETON TELLING YOU HE'S AFRAID OF DEATH. HE DIDN'T BELIEVE IN GOD. IT'S STYLISH NOWADAYS NOT TO BELIEVE IN GOD. THAT'S THE THING TO DO. >> RIGHT. >> ESPECIALLY IN COMEDY. I STAY AWAY FROM THAT SORT OF THING IN COMEDY BECAUSE I FIND COMEDY SHOULD BE FUNNY. >> RIGHT. ABSOLUTELY. >> IMAGINE IN THE OLD DAYS YOU GO, HEY, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF RELIGION, LOU COSTELLO? >> BUT DEATH IS SOMETHING THAT'S BIG IN YOUR COMEDY. >> DEATH IS. DO YOU KNOW DEW WANT ME TO TELL YOU WHY? >> YEAH. >> I DID STAND UP IN OTTAWA. I WAS TALKING ABOUT DEATH AND SAM KINNISON CAME TO CANADA. HE WASN'T FAMOUS OR NOTHING. HE TOOK A LIKING TO ME AND TOOK ME ACROSS THE COUNTRY. IT WAS THE GREATEST TIME I EVER HAD. I WAS TALKING -- I HAD A GOOD ACT. SAM SAID, YOU'VE GOT GOOD JOKES, MAN. I NOTICE YOU TALK ABOUT DOGS. ARE YOU REALLY INTERESTED IN DOGS? AT THE TIME I HAD A 25-MINUTE BIT ON DOGS. >> MM-HMM. >> I SAID, NO, I DON'T GIVE A -- ABOUT DOGS. HE SAID, WHY DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE INTERESTED IN? FROM THEN ON IT BECAME DEATH. >> RIGHT. DO YOU THINK YOU THINK ABOUT DEATH MORE THAN YOUR AVERAGE PERSON? >> I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE AVERAGE PERSON THINKS. I THINK, YOU KNOW, IT'S ALWAYS ON THEIR MIND. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? I WILL RUMINATE ABOUT IT FOR LONG PERIODS. FOR NO PURPOSE OR TO NO AVAIL. IT'S WORTHLESS. I DID IT THIS MY STAND-UP SPECIAL. NOW THAT'S GONE. SO I CAN MOVE ON. I REALLY JUST THINK ABOUT STUFF FOR STAND-UP. I GET CAUGHT ON ONE SUBJECT FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME. ONCE I HAVE EXHAUSTED THE SUBJECT, I'M FREE NOW IN MY LIFE NOT TO THINK ABOUT DEATH. >> WE'LL TALK MORE ABOUT THE PODCAST. >> YEAH, YEAH. >> WE'LL TAKE OUR FIRST COMMERCIAL BREAK. WE'LL TAKE CALLS ON SKYPE. GIVE US A CALL ON THE INTERNET USING SKYPE. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH NORM MACDONALD. STICK AROUND. >>> WE'RE BACK WITH NORM MACDONALD. LET'S TAKE A SKYPE CALL FROM ONE OF OUR CALLERS. WE HAVE ASKED PEOPLE TO CALL AND THEY'RE CALLING. YOU'RE ON THE AIR WITH NORM MACDONALD. DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION? GO AHEAD, SIR, WITH YOUR QUESTION. >> Caller: HEY, NORM. >> HI. HOW ARE YOU? >> Caller: GOOD. YOU? >> THAT WAS AN EASY QUESTION. >> Caller: HAPPY NEW YEAR. >> HAPPY NEW YEAR. >> DON'T GET NERVOUS. I KNOW YOU'RE ON LIVE TELEVISION. YOU'RE NERVOUS, BUT ASK A QUESTION. WE TOLD YOU WE WERE GOING TO DO THIS DURING THE BREAK. LET'S DO IT NOW. >> Caller: OKAY, COOL. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SPORT TO BET ON, NORM? >> MY FAVORITE SPORT TO BET ON IS FOOTBALL. PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL. IT'S THE WORST SPORT TO BET ON AND -- WHAT'S YOUR NAME? >> Caller: JAY. >> I'LL TELL YOU THE REASON FOOTBALL IS THE HARDEST SPORT TO PREDICT. BECAUSE THE BALL AIN'T ROUND. >> SURE. >> YOU UNDERSTAND THAT CONCEPT? LIKE A BASKETBALL IS ROUND. IT'S SHOT, GOES INTO A HOOP. A BASEBALL IS ROUND. IT'S HIT, IT GOES SOMEWHERE. FOOTBALL IS NOT ROUND. IT GOES EVERYWHERE. DON'T BET PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL. DON'T BE LIKE ME. >> WHAT ABOUT GOLF? DO YOU BET ON GOLF? >> I DO BET ON GOLF. YOU CAN'T GET A ROUNDER BALL. >> ALL RIGHT. THERE'S YOUR ANSWER, CALLER. >> Caller: THANKS. GO, PATS. >> NOW YOU KNOW. DO YOU TAKE CALLS ON YOUR SHOW? >> NO. WE TRIED. YOU HAVE IT DOWN TO A SCIENCE. MINE, IT WAS LIKE WHEN YOU DID YOUR SHOW AT YOUR HOUSE. SO WE DO AN HOUR SHOW. WE TAKE ONE SKYPE CALLER. WE'RE 58 MINUTES INTO THE SHOW. SO IT DIDN'T WORK OUT. YOU SEEM TO HAVE FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT. >> YOU HAVE ALL THIS TIME ON THE SHOW. YOU CAN GO ON FOR HOURS IF YOU LIKE. WE ARE LIVING IN THIS CRAZED MEDIA CULTURE. THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE ARE APOLOGIZING FOR EVERY WORD THAT COMES OUT OF THEIR MOUTH. DO YOU WORRY YOU MAY SAY SOMETHING YOU CAN'T TAKE BACK. >> I DID ONE THING. THEY WILL JUMP ON THINGS BECAUSE IT TAKES THINGS OUT OF CONTEXT AND SO FORTH. I WAS ON THE LARRY KING SHOW. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE DONE THAT YET. >> HIS INTERNET SHOW, YES. THAT WAS COOL. >> I LOVE LARRY KING. >> YEAH. >> HE ASKED ME MY VIEWS ON SCIENCE. HE CALLED ME A CHRISTIAN COMEDIAN. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? SOUNDS LIKE I'M OPENING FOR JOEL OSTEEN OR SOMETHING. SO HE CALLED ME A CHRISTIAN. THAT'S LIKE CALLING A PERSON A RETARD OR SOMETHING. >> RIGHT. >> SO I TOLD HIM -- I SAID -- I DON'T THINK THAT MUCH OF SCIENCE. I SAID DNA. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT DNA. I'M JUST A NIGHTCLUB COMIC. IF THERE WAS A GUY GOING TO JAIL OR GOING TO THE DEATH HOUSE AND THE EVIDENCE AGAINST HIM WAS DNA AND I WAS IN THE JURY I WOULD VOTE HIM INNOCENT BECAUSE 15 YEARS FROM NOW THEY COULD GO, OH, WE WERE WRONG. >> RIGHT. >> I SAID THAT. THEN SOMEWHERE IN THE -- I SEE AN ARTICLE -- CHRISTIAN COMEDIAN NORM MACDONALD DOESN'T BELIEVE IN SCIENCE. >> WELL, THAT'S SORT OF WHAT HAPPENED THOUGH. RIGHT? O.J. WAS THE ONE THAT REALLY WAS THE REASON THE DNA BECAME THE BIG -- I DON'T KNOW. >> I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT O.J. >> YEAH. >> ON TWITTER YOU CAN GET IN TROUBLE. WHO CARES WHAT THESE RETARDS SAY? ON TWITTER I SAID YESTERDAY ON A TWITTER POST, I SAID, YOU KNOW, MY HEART GOES OUT TO O.J. AND HIS FAMILY FOR HIS HEALTH ISSUES. GOD BLESS. PEOPLE GOT VERY ANGRY AT ME. YOU KNOW? THERE'S ANOTHER VIRTUE THAT'S GONE. PITY. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO PITY? YOU HAVE TO HATE EVERYBODY? >> YOUR FANS ESPECIALLY WERE MAYBE SURPRISED TO HEAR IT COMING FROM YOU CONSIDERING SOME OF THE THINGS YOU USED TO SAY ABOUT O.J. ON "WEEKEND UPDATE". >> I WAS AGAINST O.J. FOR COMMITTING DOUBLE MURDER. >> YEAH. ONE OF THE GREAT LINES IN THE HISTORY -- >> I AM NOT AGAINST O.J. FOR GETTING BRAIN CANCER. >> PERFECTLY -- >> I FEEL SORRY FOR THE MAN. >> THAT'S TRUE. HE DOES HAVE BRAIN CANCER. >> I DON'T KNOW. THEN I HEARD HE MAY HAVE MADE IT UP. OF COURSE IF A MAN HAS BRAIN CANCER AND HE'S GOING TO DIE IN PRISON, HOW CAN YOU FEEL ANYTHING BUT PITY FOR HIM? >> ONE OF THE GREAT "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" LINES WHEN O.J. WAS FOUND INNOCENT. MURDER IS NOW LEGAL IN THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA. THERE WAS BACKLASH FOR THAT AT THE TIME, WAS THERE? >> I GOT FIRED. YOU LOOK BACK AT YOUR CAREER AND YOU GO WHAT DID I DO WRONG? I'M SITTING HERE WITH TOM GREEN ON A SHOW OWNED BY A BASKETBALL OWNER. SOMETIMES YOU GO, WHAT DID I DO? YOU KNOW? >> I HEAR YOU. I ASK MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME. >> SURE. >> WHEN YOU DO OUTRAGEOUS COMEDY AND YOU'RE TRYING TO GET A REACTION, SOMETIMES YOU PUSH THE ENVELOPE MAYBE FURTHER THAN WHEN YOU GET OLDER YOU THINK SHOULD I HAVE SAID THAT, DONE THAT. DO YOU THINK THOSE THOUGHTS? >> I WAS LIKE, THIS IS WEIRD I'M NOT GETTING JOBS. I THOUGHT AFTER I GOT FIRED FROM "WEEKEND UPDATE," EVERYBODY SUPPORTED ME. EVERYONE WAS SUPPORTIVE OF ME. THEN I THOUGHT AFTERWARDS IF YOU WERE A NETWORK PRESIDENT YOU WOULD GO, HEY, DO I REALLY WANT TO HIRE THAT GUY, NORM, WHO IF I FIRE HIM HE RUINS MY LIFE? YOU KNOW BECAUSE DON ALLMIRE FIRED ME AND LOST HIS JOB AND NEVER WORKED AGAIN LIKE A YEAR LATER. HADNOTHING TO DO WITH ME. >> IT'S BECOME A THING IN THE PRESS. >> THE PRESS HAS A NARRATIVE. I GOT FIRED FROM "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE." BEFORE I GOT FIRED THERE WAS NOBODY SAYING HOW GREAT I WAS. THERE WAS NOBODY IN THE PRESS DOING BIG ARTICLES ON ME. >> CHEVY CHASE SAID YOU WERE THE BEST "WEEKEND UPDATE" ANCHOR SINCE HIM. >> THAT WAS AFTER I GOT FIRED. I GOT FIRED BY A BIG FAT NETWORK EXECUTIVE CHOMPING ON A BIG CIGAR IN LOS ANGELES. HERE I WAS THIS GUY AT 12:00 THE DOING FIVE MINUTES OF COMEDY. SO THE PRESS HAS TO MAKE A STORY. THEY LOVE STORIES. HE'S THE BAD GUY. HE'S THE EVIL GUY. IF YOU'VE GOT A BAD GUY, AN EVIL GUY, YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE A GOOD GUY. YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE A GREAT GUY. SO THEY MADE UP THAT I WAS A GREAT GUY. >> YOU ALSO HAPPEN TO BE A GREAT GUY. IT WAS UNJUSTIFIED. >> THAT WAS ENTIRELY COINCIDENTAL. >> WELL, THINGS LIKE THAT, DO THEY SURPRISE YOU WHEN YOU COME TO AMERICA FROM CANADA? >> I'M VERY NAIVE. ABOUT SHOW BUSINESS. AT LEAST I WAS. >> I FELT THAT WAY WHEN I WENT ON MTV. I HAD NO CLUE WHAT WAS GOING ON. I DID GOOFY STUFF LIKE GETTING DRUNK ON "THE TONIGHT SHOW." AND YOU WAKE UP AND EVERYBODY SAYS, WHY DID YOU GET DRUNK? JUST TRYING TO BE CRAZY. >> I NEVER TOLD ANYBODY BUT A WEEK AFTER I LEFT "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" I GOT A CALL FROM ROB BURNETT. YOU KNOW WHO HE IS? >> DAVID LETTERMAN, SURE. >> PRODUCER OF LETTERMAN. HE SAID, I HAVE BAD NEWS FOR YOU. WHAT? YOU'RE NOT GETTING THE 12:30 SLOT. I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS UP FOR THE 12:30 SLOT. >> OKAY. >> HE GOES, WE'RE GIVING IT TO CRAIG KILBORN. >> WOW. >> I WAS LIKE, HUH? NOBODY TOLD ME I WAS UP FOR IT. >> WOW, OKAY. I SAID, WHY DID YOU TELL ME? IF YOU NEVER TOLD ME I WOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN. HE SAID DAVE FOUGHT FOR YOU. LES MOONVES WANTED KILBORN. I SAID, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL EVERYBODY EVERYTHING. >> SURE. >> KEEP SOMETHING TO YOURSELF. >> YEAH. >> I'M TRYING TO SLEEP THAT NIGHT. >> WELL, YOU KNOW YOU'RE DOING THE SHOW NOW? >> OH, YEAH. >> THAT'S GREAT. >> NOW THAT I HAVE NEVER LOOKED AT IT THAT WAY. I LOST THE 12:30 SLOT BUT IF I HADN'T LOST THE 12:30 SLOT IT WOULDN'T HAVE LED ME TO DO A PODCAST. WORLDWIDE. >> WORLDWIDE. IT'S WORLDWIDE. >> WHEN ONE DOOR OPENS -- >> YEAH. >> HOW DOES THAT GO? WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES -- >> WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. STICK AROUND. NORM MACDONALD. >>> WE'RE BACK WITH NORM MACDONALD. ROB FORD. >> ROB FORD. ANOTHER TWEET I PUT OUT THAT GOT INCREDIBLE BACKLASH. CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE ABOUT ANYBODY. >> CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE ABOUT THE CRACK-SMOKING MAYOR OR A CONVICTED MURDERER. >> WELL, YOU CAN'T EQUATE THOSE TWO. >> NO. >> WE HAVE ALL MADE MISTAKES WITH DIFFERENT SUBSTANCES THROUGH OUR LIVES AND WHATEVER. >> SURE. >> I LIKE ROB FORD. I ACTUALLY WONDER WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS, SCHNEIDER. ROB FORD -- I WONDER IF HE IS DOING CHRIS FARLEY. >> JOHN SCHNEIDER, ROB'S BROTHER. >> I CALL ROB JOHN SCHNEIDER'S BROTHER. >> YOU HAVE WORKED WITH ROB ON MANY MOVIES. WERE THOSE FUN? >> JOHN AS WELL. >> YEP. >> OH, YEAH. THEY HAVE BEEN MY FAVORITE MOVIES. I LOVE SANDLER, BUT ROB HAS GIVEN ME SUCH LEEWAY IN MOVIES. HI FAVORITE WAS "THE ANIMAL" WHERE I WAS IN THE MOB. HE JUST LET ME KEEP TALKING. AND "DEUCE BIGALOW 2, EUROPEAN GIGALOW" WHERE I PLAYED A COAL-MINING GIGALLOW. >> YOU THINK FORD IS PUTTING ON A CHRIS FARLEY MAYOR OF TORONTO? >> HE HAS THE MOVES SO DOWN PAT. IT ALMOST LOOKS LIKE -- >> ALMOST CAN'T BE REAL. >> PHYSICALLY IT LOOKS LIKE AN IMPRESSION. YEAH. LISTEN, I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT LOCAL TORONTO POLITICS ANYMORE. I USED TO. >> I FIND THAT SURPRISING. I HAVE HEARD YOU SAY THAT YOU DON'T FOLLOW POLITICS AND PEOPLE ARE OFTEN SURPRISED THAT YOU DON'T FOLLOW POLITICS GIVEN THAT YOU WERE THE HOST OF "WEEKEND UPDATE". >> YES. I FEEL POLITICS ARE REALLY JUST GOSSIP. YOU KNOW, IT'S PRETTY EASY TO TELL WHO TO VOTE FOR USUALLY. ALSO I THINK BECAUSE WE COME FROM CANADA. HERE, EVERYTHING IS SO IMPORTANT LIKE IF YOU VOTE FOR THE WRONG GUY, A WAR MIGHT HAPPEN. IF YOU'RE IN CANADA IT'S LIKE, WHAT'S THE BIG -- YOU KNOW, ISSUE. >> COST OF MAPLE SYRUP MAY GO UP. >> YEAH. THEN WE HAVE THIS THING. I DON'T KNOW IF AMERICANS WILL UNDERSTAND THIS. YOU DON'T VOTE FOR THE PRIME MINISTER. YOU VOTE FOR A GUY IN YOUR RIDING. >> YEAH. >> YOU VOTE FOR THIS GUY. HE GOES, WE'RE GOING TO FIX THAT BRIDGE. I WILL VOTE FOR THIS [ EXPLETIVE ] BECAUSE THIS BRIDGE IS [ EXPLETIVE ]. YOU VOTER FOR HIM. HE GOES, WHAT ABOUT THE BRIDGE. HE GOES, WHAT THE [ EXPLETIVE ] ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? HE SAYS, I'LL SIT DOWN. >> YOUR BROTHER IS ONE OF THE BIG POLITICAL -- >> YES. >> -- CORRESPONDENTS OF CANADA. NEIL MACDONALD. >> YOU KNOW CBC AND BBC ARE BOTH VERY SERIOUS JOURNALISTIC. NOT LIKE HERE. IT'S RIDICULOUS IN AMERICA. IT'S JUST PEOPLE YELLING AT EACH OTHER. IN CANADA THEY REALLY ARE SERIOUS JOURNALISTS. >> YOUR BROTHER ONE OF THE MOST RESPECTED JOURNALISTS IN CANADA. >> YEAH. >> YOU PARITY THEPARY PARODY TH. HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT WHY YOU GO TWO WAYS BUT STILL WORKING IN ENTERTAINMENT? >> DO YOU CONSIDER THE NEWS ENTERTAINMENT? I GUESS IT IS NOW. >> MAYBE. >> LESS SO IN CANADA. >> TELEVISION, I GUESS. >> YES. THAT WOULD BE A GOOD QUESTION FOR DAN RATHER. >> DAN RATHER IS ON THE SHOW NEXT WEEK. LET'S TAKE A CALLER ON SKYPE. YOU'RE ON THE AIR WITH NORM MACDONALD. GO AHEAD WITH YOUR QUESTION. SIR. >> Caller: IS THIS ME NOW? >> THAT'S YOU. >> Caller: CAN I CALL YOU NORM? >> YOU SOUND CANADIAN. >> Caller: I'M JUST WONDERING AND WHATEVER, BUT WHAT ARE YOU MOST PROUD OF IN YOUR CAREER, MAN? >> I'M REALLY ONLY PROUD OF ONE THING. WHAT'S YOUR NAME? >> Caller: MY NAME'S CONNOR. >> WELL, CORNER. >> Caller: CONNOR, BUT CLOSE. >> I'M ONLY PROUD OF STAND-UP. EVERYTHING ELSE HAS BEEN AN ACT THAT CAME FROM STAND-UP. I HAVE NEVER AUDITIONED FOR ANYTHING. I SUCK AT ACTING. BUT MY STAND-UP, I'M VERY, VERY, VERY PROUD OF STAND-UP. I'M ASHAMED OF ALMOST EVERYTHING ELSE. I LIKE THIS INTERVIEW. STAND-UP AND THIS INTERVIEW. >> WHEN I WAS JUST A KID IN CANADA THAT WAS WHEN I DISCOVERED STAND-UP COMEDY, GOING TO YUK-YUKS. >> YES. >> YOU WERE NOT YET ON TELEVISION IN AMERICA AT THAT POINT BUT TOURING. WE HAVE A CLIP OF YOU. >> NO. >> FROM THE EARLY DAYS AT YUK-YUKS. >> THAT SOUNDS AWFUL. >> IT'S A CLIP PROBABLY 25, 30 YEARS OLD. >> I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A TRUCKER. OF COURSE I CAN'T BE BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A DRIVER'S LICENSE RIGHT NOW. [ LAUGHTER ] >> UNLESS IT'S A HOBBY, YOU HAVE TO HAVE A LICENSE. MY HOBBY IS COLLECTING TRUCKS. I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A TRUCKER, DRIVING A BIG TRUCK. INTIMIDATING IN A CAR. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN BEHIND A BIG TRUCK FULL OF TRUMBLING LOGS? HOLY COW. IF THE CARGO IS A BUNCH OF RED CARS, BOY, I HIT THIS GUY HE WON'T NOTICE. SIX MONTHS LATER, OH, THERE'S A GUY IN THIS ONE. YEAH, LET ME OUT ALREADY. I'VE GOT A KINK. >> DO YOU REMEMBER THAT? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT BIT? >> I DON'T REMEMBER THE BIT. IT MAKES ME FEEL BAD LOOKING AT IT. I DON'T LIKE IT. IT TAKES SO LONG TO BE GOOD AT ANYTHING. NOT ANYTHING, BUT SPECIFICALLY AT STAND-UP. WHEN YOU LOOK AT OLD STAND-UP, IT'S NOT A LOT OF FUN BECAUSE I'M SURE IT'S LIKE THAT WITH EVERYTHING. I'M SURE WITH COPS IT'S LIKE WHAT THE [ EXPLETIVE ] IS THIS [ EXPLETIVE ]. WHAT WAS I THINKING? >> HOW OLD WERE YOU IN THAT CLIP? >> MY VOICE IS WAY UP HIGH. >> YEAH. >> I USED TO FREEZE WITH FEAR. MY VOICE WOULD BE NORMAL AND THEN AS SOON AS I GOT ON STAGE SOMETHING HAPPENED TO MY VOICE. DO YOU NOTICE MY VOICE IS HIGH? >> I NOTICED THAT IN THE OLDER CLIPS THAT YOUR SPEAKING IN A HIGHER -- >> DECIBEL. >> YEAH. >> I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING INTERESTING. JOHN SCHNEIDER IS PART OF THIS STORY, TOO. IN SUCH A SMALL WAY I NEVER SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT IT UP. WHEN YOU DECIDED TO BE A STAND-UP AND YOU TO RETURN TO STAND-UP. BE HONEST. YOU WERE NEVER A STAND-UP -- >> NOT REALLY, NO. I DID AMATEUR NIGHT. >> FIVE YEARS AGO YOU STARTED. IS THAT RIGHT? >> YEAH. >> I REMEMBER YOU TALKING ABOUT IT WITH ME ON YOUR SHOW. YOUR PREVIOUS SHOW. I BELIEVE YOU WERE DOING THE IRVINE IMPROV. YOU ASKED FOR A SPOT. JOHNNY CAME WITH YOU. YOU WENT ON STAGE. I'VE GOT TO SAY I HAVE NEVER SEEN A GUY GO ON STAGE THAT IN COMMAND OF THE AUDIENCE. YOU WENT ON. YOU BOUNDED ON STAGE WITH WITH COMPLETE CONTROL OF THE AUDIENCE. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU WORKED WITH AUDIENCES BEFORE THAT. >> YEAH. >> DID YOU? I KNOW YOU WOULD GO ON THE STREET. >> MORE THE AUDIENCE ON THE TV SHOW AND STUDIO AUDIENCE. >> YEAH. BUT THAT'S DIFFERENT. >> YEAH. >> I FEEL LIKE A STUDIO AUDIENCE IS IN ON IT. LIKE YOU GUYS, THE STUDIO AUDIENCE, THEY'RE IN ON IT. THEY'RE NOT GOING TO HECKLE US. GO AND DO STAND-UP, THESE [ EXPLETIVE ] WILL TEAR YOU APART. YOU WON'T GET A LAUGH FOR FIVE MINUTES. THEY HATE YOUR GUTS. WHEN I STARTED WRITING, I GOT A JOB ON "ROSEANNE." GREAT SHOW. I WOULD LOOK AT THE SCRIPT AND SAY EVERY [ EXPLETIVE ] IS GOING TO BOMB. THAT'S WHAT I TELL PEOPLE. NOTHING WILL WORK BECAUSE I WAS COMPARING IT TO STAND-UP. IF I WENT UP WITH THE JOKES IN STAND-UP I WOULD HAVE NO CHANCE. THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT STAND-UP. THE QUALITY OF THE MATERIAL HAS TO BE SO HIGH. IF IT'S NOT THE QUALITY OF THE MATERIAL, IT'S THE SHOWMANSHIP WHICH I THINK YOU EXCEL AT. >> VERY NICE OF YOU TO SAY. >> WHEN YOU FIRST STARTED YOU WERE DOING CRAZY [ EXPLETIVE ]. LIKE I'D GET A CALL FROM TEMPE. TOM'S THERE. THAT [ EXPLETIVE ] IS OUT ON MAIN STREET WEARING AN ALUMINUM SUIT GETTING PEOPLE TO MARCH. >> I THOUGHT MAYBE IF I ASKED MY AUDIENCE TO SHOW UP AND WRAP TINFOIL AROUND THEIR HEAD IT MIGHT HELP WITH TICKET SALES. >> YEAH. >> I THINK I SAW IT ON YOUTUBE. I FOLLOW YOU, YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW I ALWAYS FOLLOW YOU. >> YES. >> I SAW YOU AND A BUNCH OF [ EXPLETIVE ] JUMPING INTO A SWIMMING PEOPLE. >> WE'LL TALK ABOUT LIFE ON THE ROAD. STAND-UP COMEDY WITH NORM MACDONALD. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THE BREAK. CLIERZ . >>> WE ARE BACK. HERE IN THE STUDIO WITH NORM MACDONALD. TAKING YOUR CALLS SCALLS. >> I WANT TO SAY ONE THING. MARK CUBAN WHO OWNS THIS NETWORK, I PREDICTED ON TWITTER -- AND IT WAS A LONG SHOT PREDICTION -- THAT HE WOULD WIN THE THREE YEARS AGO AND HE DID. I TOOK MY SON. WE'RE THE BIGGEST FANS EVER. TO DALLAS AND HE'S A GREAT MAN. I THOUGHT AT THE TIME I SHOULD HAVE PUT HIM ON THE SPORTS SHOW SO I COULD BE BACKSTAGE AND ALL THAT. >> YEAH. >> MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE A SHOW ON THIS NETWORK. >> HE OFFERED ME THAT. YEAH. >> OKAY. WE HAVE A -- >> MAYBE JUST A DALLAS MAVERICKS SPORTS SHOW. >> YEAH. >> WE HAVE A SURPRISE CALL HERE FROM EPIC MEALTIME. >> I LOVE EPIC MEALTIME. THESE GUYS ARE AWESOME. >> HOW ARE YOU, MAN? >> Caller: HI. LONG TIME NO SEE, BUDDY. >> ARE YOU IN LOS ANGELES? >> NO. I'M IN CANADA. >> IT LOOKS LIKE CANADA ACTUALLY. >> IT'S WHAT AN AMERICAN WOULD SAY. I'M IN CANADA. WHAT [ EXPLETIVE ] CITY ARE YOU IN? >> MONTREAL. >> BEAUTIFUL CITY. [ EXPLETIVE ]. I WAS BORN IN QUEBEC CITY. >> I KNOW. >> YOU KNOW THAT? >> WE KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU, NORM. >> [ EXPLETIVE ]. >> I READ YOUR WIKIPEDIA PAGE. >> DO YOU KNOW EACH OTHER? >> NO. NORM SAID MY NAME ONCE HE SAID IT ON THE COMPUTER. >> I LOVE EPIC MEAL TIME. >> COOL. YOU GUYS SHOULD COME ON TOGETHER. >> OR ALONE. HOWEVER YOU WANT. >> THAT WOULD BE FUN. I ONLY WORK WITH TOM NOW. >> WE'RE DOING A NEW -- >> SMOTHERS BROTHERS. >> A NICE CANADIAN EDITION. >> DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION FOR NORM? >> YEAH. I THOUGHT I WOULD PASS MY QUESTION TO MY BUDDY ADAM. HE'S BEEN DYING TO ASK A QUESTION. >> I HAVE BEEN DYING TO ASK ALL NIGHT. HE ADVISED ME TO ASK IT. >> NOT TRUE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S GOING TO ASK. >> YEAH. NUMBER ONE ON THE SPORT SHOWS. ALSO THE YOUTUBE VIDEOS. I WANTED TO KNOW THE CHANCES OF YOU AND ARTY GETTING BACK TOGETHER TO DO A SECOND DIRTY WORK. >> OH, MY GOD. I WROTE A SCRIPT FOR IT. WHERE ARTY NEEDS A HEART. >> IS THIS A PROJECT IN THE WORKS? >> I WANT TO DO IT. ARTY WANTS TO DO IT. CHEVY CHASE WANTS TO DO IT AND CHRIS FARLEY IS DEAD. I WATCHED EVERY ONE OF YOUR SHOWS, TOM. >> I APPRECIATE THAT. >> I READ ARTY'S BOOK. IT WAS PUNISHINGLY GOOD. >> YEAH. >> WHEN YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH ARTY, DID YOU KNOW THE EXTENT OF WHAT WAS GOING ON? >> IT WASN'T GOING ON WHEN I KNEW HIM. LATER I GOT IN TROUBLE FOR SAYING HE SHOULD BE OFF THE SHOW. I WAS WORRIED THAT HE WAS BECOMING A JOKE. ARTY IS REALLY, REALLY FUNNY. YOU CAN'T BE THE BUTT OF THE JOKE AND YOU CAN'T BE FAMOUS AS A SUBSTANCE ABUSER BECAUSE THEN EVERYBODY IN THE COUNTRY IS ENABLING YOU. CRAZY AUDIENCES. THEY'RE NOT BUILT FOR LISTENING THE TO STAND-UP COMEDY. >> GREAT THAT HE'S DOING GOOD NOW. >> DOING OF FANTASTIC, YEAH. GOT A REAL GOOD SHOW THERE. I DON'T KNOW. >> ON DIRECTV. >> YEAH. I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S COMPETITION. >> I DON'T THINK SO. I DON'T THINK WE THINK OF IT LIKE THAT. YEAH. YOU CAN SAY IT'S ON DIREC DIRECT V. >> I LOVE HOW WE'RE PLUGGING A GUY THAS NOT HERE. >> PLUGGING SOMEONE ELSE'S SHOW. LET'S THE TAKE A QUICK COMMERCIAL BREAK. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ONE MORE. THE HOUR WENT TOO FAST. >> HAVE ME BACK NEXT SEASON. >> ABSOLUTELY. WE HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF TIME LEFT. >> WHEN IS NEXT SEASON? THREE WEEKS FROM NOW? >> ABSOLUTELY. FIRST SHOW OF THE SECOND SEASON RIGHT NOW. ABSOLUTELY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. >>> WE'RE BACK. THIS HAS BEEN A LOT OF FUN AS ALWAYS. >> IT WENT SO FAST. >> NOT OVER YET. WE STILL HAVE -- >> HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU INTERVIEWED ME? >> WELL, ON THE WEB SHOW, YOU HAVE COME TO MY HOUSE TO DO THE WEB SHOW MANY, MANY TIMES. >> A PODCAST WITH KEVIN SMITH. >> YEP. SOME OF THOSE SHOWS WOULD BE A FREE FORM CRAZINESS THING. REMEMBER THE NIGHT THE MOUNTAIN WAS ON FIRE AND WE WERE -- >> OH, THE MOUNTAIN ON FIRE. YOU USED TO SEND UP UFOs AND [ EXPLETIVE ]. >> WE WOULD LAUNCH UFOs. I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT THINKING IT WAS PROBABLY AN F.A.A. ILLEGAL ACT OF SOME SORT LAUNCHING HELIUM-FILLED UFOs OFF THE DECK. >> THOSE WERE THE DAYS. >> THIS IS STILL AN INTERVIEW AT THE END OF THE DAY. I AM INTERVIEWING YOU. >> YES, SIR. >> SO WHEN YOU GOT TO PERFORM -- AND I HAVE TALKED ABOUT THIS TO YOU BEFORE -- CONFRONTED THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES AT THE WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS DINNER, DID YOU GET NERVOUS? >> I DIDN'T GET NERVOUS ABOUT THE PRESIDENT OR ANY OF THAT [ EXPLETIVE ]. I GOT NERVOUS THAT BEFORE HE WENT AND HE WAS SHOWING US ALL THE [ EXPLETIVE ]. AND THE PODIUM WHERE YOU STAND IS BULLET-PROOF. THERE ARE MEN EVERYWHERE WITH GUNS. IT MADE ME REALIZE THAT THE PRESIDENCY -- LIKE IF I WAS ELECTED PRESIDENCY THE FIRST THING I WOULD SAY IS, "I QUIT." OR I'M GOING TO DO ALL MY SPEECHES FROM HERE IN THIS COMPOUND UNDERNEATH THE EARTH. >> YOU FEEL THE SECURITY PRESENCE. >> OR SOME [ EXPLETIVE ] WILL SHOOT ME. THESE GUYS AREN'T SHOT BY ANYBODY, YOU KNOW. LISTEN, IF YOU'RE WILLING TO LAY DOWN YOUR LIFE WHILE YOU'RE IN THE LINE OF FIRE -- STARRING RENEE RUSSO. YOU CATCH MY DRIFT. THAT'S THE ONLY THING I WAS AFRAID OF. >> WE HAVE A CLIP FROM THIS. >> FROM THE PRESIDENT? >> FROM THE WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS DINNER. >> VERY INSPIRING TO SEE PRESIDENT CLINTON HERE ON CRUTCHES MAKING A SPEECH. I THOUGHT THAT WAS AMAZING, YOU KNOW. IT'S BEEN DIFFICULT FOR THE PRESIDENT. HE CAN'T JOG NOW. HE NEEDS HELP GETTING AROUND AND STILL OCCASIONALLY SUFFERS GREAT PAIN. ON THE UPSIDE YOU HAVE THE MEDICAL MARIJUANA. SO YOU MUST INHALE, SIR. THAT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU'RE GOING TO GET BETTER. >> I HOPE I HAVE TIME FOR A QUICK STORY. HOW MUCH TIME? >> WE HAVE A LOT OF TIME. >> AFTER YOU GO IN A BIG ROOM AND THE PRESIDENT COMES IN, 200 PEOPLE IN THE ROOM. HE'S GOING THROUGH WITH HIS WIFE. HE LOOKS LIKE A BIG [ EXPLETIVE ] STONER. BIG RED FACE, HAPPY. YOU WANT TO MEET HIM. HIS WIFE IS THE MOST SOUR-LOOK ING [ EXPLETIVE ] YOU EVER LAID EYES ON. HE'S TALKING TO EVERYBODY. WHAT'S HE TALKING ABOUT? I WOULDN'T KNOW HOW. I HAD SANDWICH AND A PICKLE AND EVERYTHING. HE'S WALKING BY ME. LORI JOE WAS WITH ME. WALKED BY, SHAKES MY HAND. YOU'RE IN SHOCK. MEETING SOMEONE THAT FAMOUS. YOU KNOW? HE SAID TO ME. HE SAID, I SEE YOU'RE EATING A PICKLE. AND HE MOVED ON. I WAS LIKE, THAT'S THE COOLEST [ EXPLETIVE ] I EVER MET. LATE AT NIGHT I WOKE UP LIKE IN THE MOVIES IN A COLD SWEAT. I WAS LIKE, THAT [ EXPLETIVE ] JUST ASKED ME ABOUT A PICKLE! >> THAT'S WHAT HE DOES. GOES AROUND AND SAYS THE FIRST THING. >> SEES SOMETHING. NICE SHIRT, YOU KNOW? MOVE ON TO THE NEXT GUY. >> IT HAS TO BE A GREAT FEELING TO LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF VIDEO AND SEE THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD DOUBLED OVER IN LAUGHTER FROM ONE OF YOUR JOKES. >> DAN RATHER, NEXT WEEK YOU CAN HAVE A CLIP OF DAN RATHERER. >> YOU DO A JOKE ABOUT HIS SMILE. >> THERE'S DAN RATHER WITH HIS FROZEN SMILE. HE'S ENJOYING THE SHOW. AND THEN IT CUT TO HIM AND HE HAD A FROZEN SMILE. DID YOU WATCH THE WHOLE [ EXPLETIVE ] THING? >> A FEW TIMES. >> YOU RESEARCH LIKE A [ EXPLETIVE ]. >> THAT'S CONSIDERED TO BE THE BEST WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS DINNER ROUTINE EVER ON THE INTERNET. >> IT IS? >> I THINK SO. >> WE PUT A LOT OF WORK INTO IT. THAT'S FOR SURE. >> IS IT FUN SPEAKING TO POWERFUL PEOPLE LIKE THAT AND TAKING THE [ EXPLETIVE ] OUT OF THEM A LITTLE BIT? >> I THINK SO. YOU CAN SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT. YOU KNOW. SOMETIMES THEY'RE DOUBLING OVER IN LAUGHTER. I THE TELL YOU WHO NEVER DOUBLED OVER IN LAUGHTER WAS THAT THIS [ EXPLETIVE ] [ EXPLETIVE ] HE MARRIED. YOU KNOW HER? >> HILL -- >> YEAH. >> SALARY RODHAM. >> YOU'RE NOT A FAN OF THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. >> I JUST GO BY PERSONALITY. UNLESS THE GUY'S GOING, I'M GOING TO WAR. WHEN I WAS YOUNG, REAGAN WAS AROUND. I DON'T KNOW IF HE WAS A GOOD PRESIDENT OR NOT. HE WAS FUNNY. ONE OF THE FUNNIEST THINGS I HEARD REAGAN SAY. HE GOT SHOT, RIGHT? ATTEMPTED MURDER. TRIED TO KILL HIM. GOT OUT. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS. THREE WEEKS LATER HE GETS OUT. HE DOES A PRESS CONFERENCE AT THE VERY SITE WHERE HE WAS SHOT. ONE REPORTER ASKED, DOES IT MAKE YOU NERVOUS AT ALL THAT YOU ARE STANDING IN THE VERY SPOT THAT YOU WERE SHOT. REAGAN GOES, WELL, NO, I'M NOT THAT NERVOUS, BUT JUST TO BE SAFE, I DIDN'T WEAR A NEW SHIRT. I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST JOKE I EVER HEARD A PRESIDENT SAY. >> DO YOU THINK HE WOULD HAVE PREPARED A LINE LIKE THAT? OR WAS HE JUST THAT FUNNY? >> I THINK HE WAS LIKE A NATURALLY FUNNY GUY. ONE OF THOSE GUYS THAT WAS AN IRISH WIT, YOU KNOW? I GREW UP WITH IRISH AND SCOTTISH PEOPLE. THEY HAD THAT WIT, YOU KNOW. THAT QUICK BLEAK KIND OF GALL LOWS HUMOR WIT HE HAD. >> WELL, NORM, I APPRECIATE YOU COMING ON THE SHOW AGAIN TODAY. >> IT WAS FANTASTIC, MAN. I HOPE YOU'LL HAVE ME BACK. >> ABSOLUTELY. >> THE THIRD SEASON STARTS NEXT WEEK. >> NEXT WEEK IS THE THIRD SEASON. NO, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. ALWAYS GREAT TO HAVE YOU HERE SUPPORTING THE SHOWS. >> I'D LOVE TO COME BACK IN TWO MONTHS AND DO THE 35th ANNIVERSARY. >> LET'S DO IT. NORM MACDONALD, EVERYBODY. >> GREAT TO BE HERE. >> GOOD NIGHT, EVERYONE. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK WITH WITH DAN RATHER. RATHER.
GOOD NIGHT. -- Captions by VITAC --
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