New Rule: Stand By Your Brand | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO)

and finally new rule if you become the opposite of what you always were you have to change your name it's become a trend in America these days morphing into something completely different from what you were founded as but still pretending you're the old you TLC stands for The Learning Channel they used to have shows like learn to read and Ready Set learn here's some of their present and recent offerings Cake Boss Gypsy Sisters Toddlers and Tiaras Extreme Couponing What Not to Wear My Teen is pregnant and so am I thousand pound sisters and Alaskan women looking for love and that's just the shows about the palens the a in a e stands for Arts seriously they used to show the symphony now they have deep fried Dynasty hoarders Storage Wars Ghost Hunters and psychic kids for people who find The Learning Channel too intellectual the History Channel has no history and MTV has no music I'm just saying you can buy a petting zoo and turn it into a bondage dungeon but you got to change the sign for decades Playboy was the go-to whack-off magazine for heterosexual men with reviews of movies that came out six months ago and a lot of information about stereos foreign by Kurt Vonnegut [Laughter] but mostly the masturbation thing which was facilitated by pictures of naked women who were naked well in 2016 Playboy did away with the nudity they took the tits out of Playboy it's like taking the cats out of cat fancy foreign last year Playboy put a gay man on the cover which I guess we're supposed to celebrate even though it was 2021 and there's already a dozen magazines for gay guys 13 if you count Martha Stewart Living [Applause] representation in Playboy this is a transgender teenager on every show on television except reruns of Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea the same thing is going on with the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue which now celebrates all kinds of bodies except you know the good kind [Laughter] [Applause] was it really such a crime against humanity to have one magazine once a year that was about finding creative ways for supermodels to hide their nipples now it looks like it's edited by The Huffington Post geez you have every other magazine do you hate dad that much if he can't rub one out in the garage what is he supposed to do in there actually sand something [Applause] this is not progress you haven't reformed these softcore gentlemen masturbator you've driven him to creepyporn.com or how about Valentine's Day which was always a day to celebrate coupledom it wasn't complicated flowers chocolates no I more and more hear this idea that Valentine's Day is also a day to celebrate being alone Be Your Own Valentine that's right on the one day we specifically set aside to honor bonding between two people don't do that make it about the opposite of that be your own Valentine get your own cheap stale chocolates at CVS okay you don't even need to have sex with someone else you can go yourself [Applause] um the Boy Scouts of America used to be an organization for boys because girls have cooties but now the Boy Scouts accept girls which I guess is inclusive but it ignores the very important need for boys to sometimes get together as boys to fart in a sleeping bag and laugh at that which girls don't find funny it also ignores the fact that there has always also been a scout troop for girls you may have heard of it the Girl Scouts can't can't anything just be what it is anymore Weight Watchers used to be a club for people to lose weight back when that was a good thing now we're so through the Looking Glass that obesity the absolute undeniable number one cause for ill health and death in America is called body positivity and people are shamed for losing weight it happened to Adele Weight Watchers are so intimidated they change their name to WWE H why not just call yourselves wait wait don't tell me [Applause] the ACLU has long been synonymous with freedom of speech they defended it from even the most hated groups like the Nazis the clan even the Jehovah Witnesses it was never about what you were saying it was about the liberal principle of your right to say it well they have new guidelines now namely that before taking a case ACL lawyers should consider if the case might cause offense to marginalized groups or if a potential client's values are contrary to our values contrary to our values your values are free speech and the First Amendment those are your values your whole purpose in life is not to be worried about offense to marginalized groups because we understand that free speech is an even more important value than never being offended [Applause] [Music] because you're the ACLU not UCLA and finally there's the Republican party it used to stand for something being heartless squares but something oh and patriotism they always wanted you to know they loved America more than you America First Love it or leave it flagged pen in the lapel thank you for your service America but now Tucker Carlson is literally reciting Russian talking points becoming so valuable to the Kremlin that they put out a memo asking their propaganda Outlets to replay as much of Tucker Carlson as possible in Russia after the capital Riot on January 6th 147 Republican lawmakers in a Congressional vote objected to the certification of an election they knew was legitimate okay you can't be the Super Patriots who love America and also run on a platform of Let's ignore the vote you can't represent a form of government you yourself don't believe in if you do then you have to get another name like maybe the Trump party he's pretty modest about putting his name on things but maybe he'll license it just this once

Channel: Real Time with Bill Maher

Views: 2,820,050

Keywords: Ernest Moniz, U.S. Secretary of Energy, Energy Futures Initiative, Nuclear Threat Initiative, Kristen Soltis Anderson, pollster, Echelon Insights, author, The Selfie Vote, Where Millennials Are Leading America, And How Republicans Can Keep Up, newsletter, Codebook, Max Brooks, Resident Fellow, Atlantic Council, Fellow, Modern War Institute at West Point, Max Brooks Breaks Down, YouTube, book, Devolution

Id: HIQeZmJDMww

Length: 8min 55sec (535 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 19 2022