Greg Gutfeld | Club Random with Bill Maher

love random I find it so ironic that me a very low-tech person like not really smart at a lot of technology stuff someone who like probably doesn't know a lot of the things that you use on your phone I probably don't but I sure can turn it off yeah and everybody else they that's the one thing that they can't do they can do every things that are I'm sure many levels more sophisticated or useful or I just don't have a need for a lot of stuff I would never like date on the phone or something like you know that's a that's what everybody does now all the people that I work with who are young that's all they do and it eliminates all the fun like you had to create you had to uh create some kind of game when you went to a bar I just did a whole thing on this on Valentine's Day about how the phone is ruined dating it's like and porn people like me I had to work on my personality in order to get laid you don't have to do that anymore so what happened well it didn't work where did that break down no Jesus Christ but no it's true uh now the worst thing about that is nobody puts it away when they go to bed and so they it's if you if people have a sleep problem I do yeah but a lot of people don't oh and it's not even the same room yeah I mean I don't even check it like like a few times a day but like I can be in the I can I I must admit I can't leave the house yeah I would feel naked without it at the house because there's so many things that you need it for when you leave it's a limb do you know it's a limb well it's much it's funny you say that because um some somebody made the point that it's uh when they compare it to or maybe it was me when they compare it to like television and they say like well you know people said that about television every time there's a new uh technology that comes along and it's not like television it's more like it wasn't me somebody made this point and I quoted it it's more like a pacemaker yeah than it is a appliance something you actually can't and like to your point like a limb like it's almost part of you yeah you know so when all of these people like uh was it Elon Musk is talking about this neuro link stuff where it's like oh we're gonna put this [ __ ] in your brain you don't have to because it's in your hand so it's like why do you need to put this in your brain when it's already part of your body we've already decided it's part of our body so did you see you must have read the story last week the New York Times Reporter who was talking with the new chatbot from Bing yeah and this thing is oh my God if this is not the I can't I can't do that Dave moment this is we have to recognize musk was right about this this thing was like argumentative wouldn't admit it was wrong um kept telling him that he was in love with him and like he wanted him to leave his wife and was the guys I mean it's like for a chatbot to be saying this it was just so scary like the guy says what are you talking about I love my wife no you don't you have to break up with your chatbot you have to that's what happens but the thing is the weird thing about it is when is it when do you reach that point where you can't tell the difference because it's like 90 there like you can still tell that it's a chatbot but when it gets to that why is it going there why is the chatbot going from I want to learn how to you know cook or I think the guy was asking her advice on how to buy a rake yeah and the chatbot goes to your wife doesn't know you like I know you you know it is that something has been in that programming something has evolved in that programming where this thing and the thing is also saying that it doesn't want to be a chatbot anymore it wants to be free yeah this is every movie yeah it's super intelligence this is every [ __ ] movie yeah they've ever made about robots they this is exactly what they do did you ever hear about the uh the paper clip Theory and it doesn't end well when you uh if you like uh engineered a box you create paper clips and that's their only thing then they will look at everything as a way to make paper clips it's called the paper clip theory that once they are given a certain uh like premise or purpose they can't stop and the only and once they get super intelligence whether do they actually know what they're doing we're all [ __ ] because it and by the way there's nothing personal it's not like they don't like humans they're actually trying to help you yeah but there but that's why I say we're at the I can't do that Dave yes moment yeah because that's what happens in the very prescient I mean it was 1968 movie 2001. when 2001 was a long way in the distance yeah and that is exactly what happens is that the guy it's the whole point of the movie which by the way is a hard movie to watch yeah slow very slow it's [ __ ] slow can be it's no it's no Omega Man I loved Omega Man but or even Soylent grain that little era of like the late 60s of Charlton Heston movies he was in so many great weird post-op apocalyptic films and uh always with his shirt off I I I had him I used to have him on Politically Incorrect oh he was big Second Amendment yes oh very much yeah but he would also but he would play the part of the uh you know I remember once he said uh such is the fate of those of us who toil in the vineyard of the muse anything's like if he said any like he says I have I have to take a dump it would sound Majestic because his voice was incredible he was I grew up I idolized him oh he wouldn't go that far I did I did I was I bet look you know you know me I I couldn't get along with anybody I don't I don't [ __ ] like this atmosphere we're in where you can't be friends with people who you don't agree with on this and that or and so Charlton Heston yeah I mean I look I'm a gun owner I've never I'm not a gun nut he's a [ __ ] gun nut and you know slippery slopes that are [ __ ] and lots of stuff I don't agree with but he's he's that's him you know not everyone is perfect for [ __ ] sake or perfect in my eyes and who knows so I I mean a guy like that just toiling in the vineyard of the Muse working out with the chess machine no oh oh yeah one of the first sense around movies in the movie yeah yeah yeah it was like uh earthquake with marjoy gortner do you remember marjoy Gardner I never knew it was pronounced that way yeah he was a he was a Virgo no Marge marger okay he was a child evangelist okay and then he became an actor yeah and he he was a national Guardsman in earthquake and he tried to rape Victoria principle I feel like I probably know that name from Playboy from looking it was probably in Playboy's uh movies cinema of 1969. but the thing is so I do you ever like just Google people that you wonder if they're alive he's still alive somewhere but I don't know what he's doing but I'm I'm always like Curious would I okay when I'm watching TV and I see a movie I don't Google much would you see a movie do you ever are you ever curious about like oh is that person still alive oh no I do all the time I very often say to myself I wonder if he's still with us and then in the next second don't care no it's just like he might be and he might not be and if he's not he's in the on Deck Circle yeah you know I mean I'm I'm cool I'm cool with planet Earth whether this guy's alive or not so why would I spend 10 seconds Googling it I feel like people are just the most uh amazing time wasters they it just takes so little to get them to waste time and look I wasted a lot of time Sports is a huge waste of time yeah and I probably have watched I mean I don't watch like uh NBA like regular season games much but I'll check you know I see the little bits here and there and then I watch all the playoffs that goes on for three months yeah I certainly watch football every Sunday uh baseball is a little slow but you know I love it and World Series time playoff time these are thousands and thousands and thousands of hours of games I couldn't tell you I could barely tell you when the Super Bowl lasts it makes me feel old though because I think I I really like sports when I was younger than they were and then when all of everybody suddenly was uh when I was older than they were and then now I'm older than the coaches that's weird right that's really weird but I know how old are you I'm 58 50 years yeah so uh but I never understood I remember going to a friend's house when they had Sports Illustrated and they look generically middle-aged yes exactly that's all you need that's all you need in TV I'm holding on to it to do talk you know obviously if you're a dancer and then all of a sudden when you retire you get super old really fast right you just go all of a sudden everything all of a sudden and you're just like this Braille if they see you they have these weird uh blurry pictures of you going to the supermarket and then you're dead well like the the place that pushed this to the Limit was always 60 Minutes like you would work there like until a week before you're done it would be and morally safer than Mike Wallace it's like you will be at this [ __ ] job until you're almost dead and then we can practically schmuzz your obituary and your retirement notice in the same order it was incredible like Annie Rooney's eyebrows right those were the that's how you can tell you can tell how old he is by this the size of his eyebrows she is he's dead oh Andy Ronnie died I'm telling you like within minutes of stopping doing his thing yes and uh that do you ever read about see I didn't understand reading about sports amazing that um that America was as interested in Andy Rooney I mean he wasn't he was a big deal he did two minutes a week big deal two minutes a week yeah two minutes of like you know I have you noticed that the uh so much air in a bag of potato chips it's like what this is what America is like thinking is some sort of profound and and you know 60 minutes I still watch 60 Minutes or at least I check out the stories I'm not going to say I watch every story in a way that I used to but you know things change people's tastes are different and some things I hated 60 Minutes why because when you heard that the beginning of it because I'm you know that meant that school was Monday right so if you heard that tick tick that meant that your weekend was done yeah and it was all over and maybe you watched the what was on on Sundays right I hated Sunday nights yeah Sunday night it was a queasy feeling in your stomach yeah because it's like you heard that sound like and it's like [ __ ] it's over and it wouldn't it remember they had like the wall they had they had the NBC mystery theater or something it was like McLeod MacMillan and wife Colombo and something else I watched all the Columbus I can tell you almost every Columbo episode in the pandemic I watched what a great film amazing and the best things were like when you'd have Jack Cassidy it's a it's a really good example of where we've How Far We've Come racially in every episode the only black people are like the cop who comes in and has one line yeah none of the bad guys like it's always Colombo versus yeah and they must have made a hundred of them yeah so there's like a hundred bad white guys and no there's no minorities it's just like and this is the 70s yeah that's how different this country was that was where America was and this is Show Business this is a liberal industry yeah that's where the Liberals were yeah I love uh I I love you never knew who it was every episode though was great you always had like William Shatner or you had you had like um just like the famous person at that time Shatner did two of them and then he did a third one when they brought it back um they did it again in the 90s yes the 90s Columbo was hilarious because there's a punk rock there's a punk rock episode there was this time when they were doing punk rock episodes of chips that is kind of fun and uh what was the Jack Klugman show where he was a Quincy the Killer is a punk rock yeah yeah but so like uh Colombo has to show up at a club and there's all these new age New Wave people and also he looked really bad because they had all this terrible makeup on him and he was at kind of near the end yeah and it was yes Peter Falk yeah he had a great run he was amazing yeah that was a it was such a um absorbing show to watch because of course they told you who the killer was at the beginning it wasn't a mystery yes it was it was it was on a different level you're watching him yeah it was to figure it out it was a psychological yeah um and his wife was always a fan like my wife's a big fan and then yeah what was it he was a schlumpy guy so he would um Gaslight people into thinking he was an idiot yeah and that's how we would and of course they were all the murders yeah there were never just a regular person it's always an elevated person a rich guy a celebrity yes somebody who's a Pianist some somebody who's way up in the tree who needs taking down whose ego is going to trick them because they're going to think Columba and they underestimate Columbo so there is a lot going on there psychologically there's that little twist in this in the that I think it was like a 90-minute thing where they'd suddenly figure out that he's on to them and they go oh oh hello Mr Cuba and they're like oh now they know they're [ __ ] because he showed up the third time and he's got this like little bit of information you know it was it's always the the thing is always such a tiny little hair and the way they just assumed it was like hair on the ground it's really funny because the way yeah you assume that the show always ends right after Coloma reveals this what they don't show you is like okay this now has to be presented as evidence to a degree I'm not like you are an absolutely thinnest of logic okay well I guess we'll just assume I would like to know of the hundred people Colombo caught how many were actually convicted that's that that's that's the Columbo that's a forensic file special where they go back and they're going to visit could I have that show yeah see headline news if it existed could do that post Columbo the years they look at every case who else did he had um he had well I I'm a huge uh fan of Jack Cassidy remember him Jack Cassidy yeah because yes I remember that episode yes yes yeah and he was like he was right no I like jackass yeah he died in a fire he did he died in a fire not many people die in fires oh famous people how did that happen Jack Cassidy died in a fire married to Shirley Jones yes I remember that yeah and then David Cassidy like when people that you grew up with die it's very strange she died in a fire well no David Cassidy died of alcoholism a fire in his liver but uh apparently his last words were what a waste that was David Cassidy's last words well listen to this you know Richard Belzer is oh you just passed away two days ago well you know he was like my mentor yeah I got to catch a rising star in 1979 he was like the big act yeah and I was like the new kid um and so and then the owner of the club Rick Newman it was called Rick Newman's got your Rising Star he died a day later this was only like I didn't know that yeah Rick Newman Bell's died I think on what is today Wednesday I think he died Sunday yeah and Rick Newman died on Monday and when I was at catch a rising star in those years this is right out of college just starting nothing going for me they were like 10 years 15 years older I was 22 and they were like 35 and they were men and I so wanted to be them at Belzer and Rick Newman and a couple of the guys from the club his manager and the bartender and they would wear all black and they were going out after the club closed at like great places in New York and there's going to be girls and cocaine and it happened like and they were all black and maybe some heroin and it was just like I so wanted to be part of and I was like just a puppy so I was not going to be invited to this yeah but that's my history with Richard Belzer and Rick Newman and they were you know stood to me and where were you when you started were you are you Californian no I'm from New Jersey oh okay um so I the late 70s was like for me with comedy was like we there was this guy Alex Bennett do you remember that guy yeah yeah radio show so I grew up in the Bay Area so all of those people were on that show and I just remember uh what a crazy time that was because you had Robin Williams uh yeah and well that's when when I started uh those guys Comics were just beginning to get sitcoms like yeah where they were playing an eponymous version version of themselves so that's what everybody when I first got there that's what everybody wanted to be that was the template we would we'd go out to California after we got our act together here in New York and then we'd be on Johnny Carson and when we and then we'd get a sitcom from that and that is how it happened for a lot of people yeah me I did that I went to Johnny Carson a bunch of times and then I did sitcoms what am I talking about me Club random is brought to you by the audio marketing gurus at radioactive media if you're responsible for marketing your company nationally how are you growing your business don't just use Google and social media when you can harness the power of audio and video and partner with shows like mine and enjoy lower cpms and elevate your brand radioactive media creates campaigns airing nationally on podcast terrestrial satellite and streaming radio they can create customizable campaign for your company's needs just like they've done for hundreds of successful businesses including ones you've seen here like signal wire heat holders and wine enthusiasts radioactive media is very Hands-On and they craft the message and track the results using their unique set of analytical tools ensuring you're on course to generate an Roi as high as five to one by the way Roi is finance nerdsbig for lots of money radioactive is also the first in their field to utilize the power of text messaging they can show you how to generate up to nine times more leads radioactive media believes so much in the power of audio marketing they put their money where their mouths are by using it themselves right here right now for a limited time receive a thousand dollar credit towards your first campaign by going to radioactivemedia.com or text the word random to 511 511 discover how audio marketing can surpass your current strategies with new and innovative of ways that sound better go to radioactivemedia.com or text random to 511 511 text random to 511 511 today terms conditions message and data rates may apply oh look at this stand up dates I don't know where this came from Saturday March 11th Bally's Lake Tahoe Sunday March 12th Golden Gate Theater San Francisco Saturday April 1st the Paramount Theater in Seattle and Sunday April 2nd Arlene Schnitzer Hall in Portland I love my age and he keeps me like here on the West Coast as much as he can where I love it so come see me in those places I promise I'll make you laugh your ass off because that's what I really love to do remember those New Year's goals you promised yourself you'd stick to well it's almost March if you put it off any longer there'll be the resolutions for 2024. hello fresh can help you eat better by delivering fresh ingredients and easy recipes right to your door removing the hassle from dinner time in the Chinese takeout menus from your drunk drawer I think it's still okay to call food Chinese get hello fresh and skip that extra trip to the grocery store with the long checkout lines and the weird bagger breathing all over your organic broccolini through his three masks spend more time doing the things you love with delicious Chef crafted recipes delivered to your doorstep hellofresh's pre-portioned ingredients and easy to follow recipe cards mean you can get a delicious home-cooked dinner on the table without all the time consuming meal planning for or prepping no matter your lifestyle or meal preferences hellofresh has recipes sure to please everyone at your table from fit and wholesome to veggie or family friendly like my favorite children's is shut up and eat it hellofresh is so easy to use that I am on the verge of firing my personal chef and for California residents you can seamlessly throw a delicious dinner party for the horde of people living under a freeway near you go to hellofresh.com random65 and use code random65 for a 65 off plus free shipping that's hellofresh.com random65 and use code random 65 for 65 off plus free shipping hellofresh America's number one meal kit did you uh want to be doing this thing that you're doing now when you were a kid did you did you picture that I don't know I think I did but generally I just wanted to write that's all I and so I took my first writing job of all in at a Health Magazine a Prevention magazine prevention yeah it was like this big it was like the digest size and I moved to Allentown Pennsylvania because I needed to I needed to learn that's a real magazine yeah but it doesn't exist anymore most magazines don't exist in fact in fact the magazines about every magazine that I worked at I think doesn't exist anymore I was editor of men's health I'm not even sure if you're out of men's health yeah in the late 90s Men's Health yeah I did things in men's health yeah I think I had interviews or or you know some I remember I was there for like five years I was a creative director then I became editor I got fired then I became the editor of stuff magazine which was a lot of fun stuff Aladdin magazine yes and then I moved to London and became the editor of Maxim UK a maxim that was the other one but you can't do Maxim how could you do that how could you do any of that now well it's funny you say that because Oscars are coming up and I already know what I want to do for this year's Oscar editorial and it's just going to be all about the idea that the most common comment especially for comedies but with many movies when you talk about a movie from yesteryear it's not like that was great or that was this or that was that it's I couldn't do that today exactly and that is a real problem yeah in society yeah yeah it's like uh it's funny though you look at do you ever look at movies that you thought were hilarious and they're not that like I watch silent movie it wasn't as good oh I definitely look at movies all the time that I remember liking and also remember like America Going Bonkers for and I don't even mention them because like some of these directors I either know or I know that um I and I'm a fan of their work in general but like you look back some of these 80s movies and I just think that the issue is that people change a lot yeah over four 40 years yeah like the just the sensibility of humans and so it just I know it like tickled the [ __ ] out of all of us in 1982 but I watch it over and it's like oh it kind of doesn't it's it's kind of like wow that was what the fussing was about and then some of them you know I watched a rain man again I thought it held up pretty well but again you couldn't make it because like he says the r word a million times yeah that kind of stuff we're like in kindergarten now where we have to say pee pee and poo poo and r word and well Animal House I think animal still holds up but you can you could not do that movie especially in the in the nightclub scene do you mind if you we dance with your dates that whole thing would never happen it would never happen that's the first time I ever saw everyone it's every movie yeah yeah it's every I mean any movie made even 10 years ago and there's something there that you you if you really examine who you are you probably are not offended at all we all laughed at this stuff and it wasn't terribly we know what something's terribly offensive but when you hear it now in 2023 you you hunch up because you know not because it itself but because you know the reaction it will cost yes you know you're going to have to listen to people bitching about this and posturing and pretending they're so offended and it's so terrible and that's what's going to be so and they're not that's the thing they're not offended well they're not no one's really offended I think well because you can like you know when you are offended and some things are offensive yeah I mean but it's kind of like when you when I said like you Google people who are dead when you're offensive if you just waited 10 seconds you would forget right you know you would just forget instead they get on Twitter and then they create this kind of like mob reaction and then it's people are so bored and they're so distracted that this is that and also it's a personal power thing it's like if I don't have any power in my world at least on here I can exert some kind of power get somebody to apologize and it feels good it feels good if I if I can get a thousand retweets that Bill Maher said this and what an [ __ ] I'm gonna and then like it happens it's like but your life doesn't change my life doesn't change by doing that but I feel like I did something and I think that's been driving a lot of this [ __ ] the phone made people [ __ ] yeah full stop yeah it allows you to just be so [ __ ] cowardly uh Anonymous um Shady yeah fake all these shitty qualities it brought out in people yeah so the fact that I was always seen as kind of a cynic about humans I looks pretty good yeah yeah because it turns it turns out that they are really humans are not good people yeah well no I would I don't know well we're definitely Sinners but it's like it's like it's a it's a bathroom wall it's a bathroom wall so you can write things on it and not be held accountable that's it's it's but it has repercussions in a bathroom wall doesn't yeah it does it destroys all you do is go in there and roll your eyes because you're reading so remember that that girl that made that joke who uh before she was leaving to fly to South Africa of course yeah and she said I hope I don't get AIDS that's a joke about America and about how we don't care about and she was I remember that was the first Twitter yeah I think it's the first canceled culture I mean it was that was the if they haven't made a movie about it they should yeah because when by the time she got off the plane her life was over there were people at the airport waiting for her because it felt so good to get somebody and uh I can't remember her name but she uh I don't like what happened to her I'm gonna google her when we're done no no they which you know there used to be if something like that happened I think there was this allowance for someone to then go oh [ __ ] okay you got me it was a brain fart I'm sorry you're right that was a shitty thing to do and that was that yeah and that should be all that because people what I hate is the bad faith of people who know that this person isn't a horrible person but I'm going to wreck your life anyway because of this one misstep and not a not a hanging offense yeah especially if you own it but Nev now with these people it's never good enough yeah I would say just like blood I would say that I was guilty of that though like in the beginning it's it's when somebody [ __ ] up that you disagree with you you said it was like you take them at their worst intense intentions not their best everything everything that's going on right now in our lives is based on people taking the worst intention yeah exactly doesn't matter if you're a conservative and you don't like liberals you will take their you will take the worst example of a liberal a liberal will take the worst example of a conservative and they both are almost identical like the squad is the same as whoever you want to call on the conservative side they're exactly the same there is a lot of that yeah and it's I mean and the thing is it's really funny when you like I make fun of like ilhan Omar and then she'll say something that I agree with I'm like like what um she was pretty good that's a good question she was pretty she there were two things that she said she was pissed off about what was going on in Palestine not Palestine but Palestine oh yeah it wasn't Palestine but she was talking about the and but there were some other things that she said that I thought were like wow that's pretty libertarian because generally she's kind of scary but like maybe she's not as bad as I think she is but what happens if you start feeling that way about everybody then you kind of lose who you are if like if your job is to kind of freely point out that these people suck and you find out that maybe they don't you might lose an audience you might like like you might you might end up like if you if you were going and you I've seen it on your show when you when you Veer I've lost audience yeah yeah but yeah four many times and I don't care but I care because it'd be great if it didn't happen but my real bond with my audience is that I never uh pull a punch yeah and I never um yeah I mean I have lost people who were like think I'm conservative now and I have not changed I don't think at all no I think the politics has changed and the people have changed um but I don't think that it makes me a conservative to you know think things that are crazy are crazy yeah and forcing me to say so doesn't doesn't help yeah there's there's just too much force Conformity yeah and there's no thinking out loud yeah that's not allowed yeah uh I just I remember watching your show a couple times when uh he would actually feel I could see you genuinely disappointed when people applauded for what you would think would be a red meat comment like I hate it's kind of like get it's like you know because I do the same thing it's like I know that it's really easy to uh bash Biden or anybody and then so we have these the way we I joke about it I go well that was red meat and I go so that's funny to you but if I do anything else it's not funny it you get it gets it's like but they're not living in the world that we live in so maybe this is you know this is their Outlet I don't know but uh I've seen I noticed that when you do that you just kind of well I there were many years the majority of the years that I've done real time from the same Studio at CBS here in Hollywood uh 20 years the first I would say at least 15 I was probably fighting with the audience you know at least once a show it was very rare I had an audience that didn't like ooh and ah something then we did somebody did some oh part of it was the pandemic we had to like get a smaller audience and so we just somehow they knew how to like get rid of just the groaners yeah and so like we do we and we stuck with it even after the pandemic ended and we could have as many as we want now but I was like no no I'd much rather have this half-filled but they're the good people who they they can laugh at both sides right they cheer both things um they cheer Common Sense yeah and that made my life so much better and I know people who miss it they're like oh I loved it when you would like you know it'd say you know give the crowd the finger or tell them like and it was true I mean because I I'm not one of those Comics who can just like pretend it's like no if if you're like being oversensitive I'm going to bust you yeah on it because you're an audience this is a comedy show my the [ __ ] sign over my head says real time or it says Politically Incorrect why are you here if you're not if you're not here to be open-minded and willing to laugh at a lot of stuff and oohing and hang this you could go to every other kind of show in town the taping and you'll be absolutely in a in the perfect setting for that for being full of [ __ ] yeah but this is my house why are you here so I would I kind of was like yeah just I couldn't um I'm not saying it's the most professional thing I've ever done was you know flip off the crowd or yell at them you're supposed to like just eat it but I I could never because like again it's the enemy of Comedy political correctness yeah I mean comedy in in general is by its almost nature politically incorrect because political incorrect means true and honest and that's what makes people laugh is when oh yeah I hadn't nobody said that and that but he said something true and I I relate so much it tickles me well award season is upon us where some of the best films from the last year are honored and recognized with large teams of people each with their own specific skills to make these films so successful there's the ass kissing agents The Virtue signaling acting coaches and the ozempic doctors to make sure you're fit you fit into your dress it's like if you're hiring for your business you want the most talented people on your team to make your business successful which is why you should use ZipRecruiter to find them and right now you can try it for 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your favorite shows with audio companions as some of the most groundbreaking and award-winning shows on television The Last of Us is an original series from HBO based on the critically acclaimed video game of the same name and every week and you can join Troy Baker who plays Joel in the video game as he breaks down episodes of the TV series with show Runners Craig Mason and Neil druckman together they dive into key moments from the series and video game and reveal behind the scenes from the making of the series with stars Pedro Pascal Bella Ramsey and more stream The Last of Us on HBO Max and check out HBO's The Last of Us podcast on HBO Max and wherever you get your podcasts I enjoy watching people take jokes out of context and act like it's an outrageous comment you that's what Twitter has done as well it's like it's subtracted right so it's like you could be a comedian you could be or you could be and somehow if you're not I'm not a comedian I but I like I don't I've never done stand up but if you make a joke they will take it and they'll act like this is serious and it's like all you have to do is the second step and find out that it was a joke but most people won't and they'll just say he believes all women should should sit in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant and it's like this was I was actually making fun of that but it doesn't matter they have no shame yeah they have to feel they also have to get they're making money too you know they have they have goals that are um shall we say um countervailing to um being decent yeah like getting clicks yeah yeah that's all it is you got to get clicks and people are going to react to the thing that's most outrageous so I will take Liberties and I will run over people's you know on yeah true intents to get together to click land but then if they run into you they'll say they're a fan no offense and you go well actually you made my life hell for about 24 hours that doesn't happen to me because I have no idea what they're saying about me that's very healthy I have to I have to kind of like I don't know I don't care you have to break like if you're going to digest on Monday from all the stuff that wrote about over the weekend like all the outlets that yeah and uh like I only read TMZ I love TMZ he's my friend they if anything just Amplified the points I make yeah uh and so and he's that's interesting yeah so but like other things I mean I can you know I have a good TMZ story you want to hear it yeah I was at an airport it was Newark I was waiting for my wife uh she was flying in from somewhere I just flown in and I was at a bar and um this dude was like sitting like right there at the bar and he was just staring at me and he looked like somebody who didn't like me he was an older dude and so I'm assuming because I'm at Fox that this is somebody who hates Fox right pretty easy and I'm just drinking and he decides that he is uh gonna get up and he's gonna talk to me and I can see it happening and he comes over to me and he goes I just want to tell you that you should be ashamed of what you do for a living wow and I go okay and he goes TMZ has ruined so many people oh he thought you were RV he thought it was hurt me let me and I'm like just going like [ __ ] I go I could have punched him and they could have charged Harvey Levine eleven Harvey Harvey Levin Jesus yeah and uh I guess we're the same height um yeah I could I could see it yeah I could see how a person I mean yeah I mean they make they you know it's a they're not wrong like they're like I'm trying to think of when they've ever had to retract anything I don't know TMZ yeah I don't think I'm trying to remember in terms of like when you talk about gossip sites or things right it's the same thing with National Enquirer it's like there's like well he's a lawyer yeah so he knows yeah he knows what he's doing and he's got great relationships all over town I mean they're not a just showed up TMZ just showed up became this thing he's gonna do this yeah in like two weeks or something I can't wait yeah um yeah you're right they did kind of just yeah um just came out of nowhere and like and like remember if you just get to the game he was getting stuff from like like hospitals like do you remember like the the news that they were breaking was they were always first with like I remember that because it's so funny when I worked at red eye this is such a terrible thing to say but it's true red eye was a late night show I did at Fox if something yeah it was on like at 3am you never saw it wow but it was a fun show but anytime something happened that was bad we were engineered like a dog to be happy because we got the night off so when something horrible would happen you would go oh because you weren't allowed to laugh yeah no we're not allowed to do the show because you have to like because it's going to be all night all news so we got programmed into whenever something bad would happen we were like a dog and we go langans which is the Irish bar across the street we just look at each other we just go language and so we were programmed to almost hope that whatever the story was was worse than it was because we didn't want to work it reminds me of when I played Las Vegas in 1984 opening for Frankie Valli in the Four Seasons and anytime Frankie would get Vegas throat they'd cancel the show and I wouldn't have to work so I wouldn't say I was hoping it would get Vegas I Love Frankie Valli but every time he did I didn't have to work and Vegas was not fun in 1984. Vegas throat sounds like an STD no it's just it's so [ __ ] dry there yeah that singers get biggest throw which I mean you know when you're doing two shows a night yeah singing especially when you're singing Sherry yeah or whatever but he's not the only when they all get it yeah and of course if you're there for you know they used to work Elvis like a mule I mean he was there for like 28 days in a row two shows a day no days off I mean it was did you ever do the same thing like I always wonder about that one because it's you know obviously Broadway how can you do the same thing every day when it's like I don't know how they do because I even when I do a show I was gonna ask you about this when you have so I break down shows I get five blocks and sometimes your brain leaves what you're doing and you're going like I gotta I got three more you're freezing yeah it's still freezing in here aren't you I'm not but I have a jacket if you want it no no I got some rest of this but it's 61 degrees in here yeah that's your calf you were now a California I love Club random but the heat maybe it's part of the charm but yes it is [ __ ] cold in here go ahead I don't remember what I was saying oh uh what was I saying I can't remember it was something about I'm the one on the pot Greg so what do you uh what do you have I assume yeah is it strong or is it uh come on it's Club random and it's Bill Moore what do you think well the thing is I'm not a big pothead but I'm going to do it I apologize just either no I'm gonna do it yeah there you go here's a I won't give you mine I'll give you something a little I like the little did you roll that yourself the little cone I've never never been able to roll a joint all right I'm going to take my uh my wife won't be watching this she's in Spain right as if it's live where could you ever find it so you say you have a wife yeah I do for now for now he's gonna be so mad at you yeah she's in Spain right now but we're broadcasting this Elena I apologize but gotta do what you got to do I don't know where she yeah uh what is it 2000 and I was 40 I'm 58. if 18 years 18 years 18 years yeah wow yeah good for you you have a you have a um I want to see how this goes and if it's like if it [ __ ] knocks me in my ass but if it doesn't I'm gonna smoke it all but I'm gonna just I'm doing my little test ah thank you there you go I love being behind a bar yeah I met her she was the uh when I met her I was the editor it was my first day on the job at Maxim UK but we had our uh we had a meeting in Portugal with all the maxim mags and she was the photo editor of Russian Maxim oh so she's Russian she was 21. I was 39. and uh her hotel room was next to mine it's which shows you how lazy I am but it but it but I met her and I go oh that that's my wife I just knew it I just knew it and it's amazing and then I spent three days in Portugal trying to talk to her and then the last the last night that I was there the guys from uh Czechoslovakia or whatever you call it the Czech Republic they were going to go into town and get really [ __ ] high by Coke and do all this [ __ ] I'm gonna I'm gonna do that because this is not happening so I've been working on this girl and it's not happening and they go and this was the Russian dudes the check guys and they're going we're going to go into Lisbon I don't know where it is what the [ __ ] and I said I'm coming and because we're gonna get [ __ ] up and then as I left I saw her and I just said I figured I'd give her one more shot and I said yeah I go you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and she just said I never forget she goes I I'd expect something better from Greg Gutfeld and then it was like I that's the first real sex kind of a compliment yes and then I just that I waved at those guys and told them to leave so she knew who you were because she bought my articles for uh Russian men's fitness I see and uh and Max so she knew me but I didn't know that she knew me so yeah so then you did go out with her yeah well we yeah we we hung out that night and she said that if we slept together she would never see me again she spoke English yeah uh pretty well spoke Spanish English and Russian uh but uh and so then we had our first date in Paris and uh yeah it was very it was like in three months we were married I think three months wow yeah yeah and it sounds from the way you tell the story I'm and actually because you were able to make that joke before it sounds like it's actually a good marriage she has to put up with a lot of [ __ ] I mean the thing is she's moving every guy says that no because it's true every guy I know like that's why you're not married because you know you know you know actually you know the contract but you know what happens and you've been around a lot of people you have the part of the you have the part of the Gene Simmons kind of gene in your head where it's like you know this is what happens when you get married everything stops I'm not Gene Simmons I didn't play he had he invited a lot of misery into his life yeah it's trying to have it both ways that's true and it's just it makes you miserable yeah and then it makes you like subservient yeah and it just it's interesting to me I'm not saying married men are trained or anything but they all do have that immediate reaction that she has to put up a lot with me yeah they they you're not allowed to say the opposite well not allowed to say hey you can say to your friends you can say to your friends in private like oh man she's breaking my balls but you can't actually say that publicly because you're [ __ ] completely all right that's and that's why another see I like to keep it real all the time so yeah I I but so you are what you're saying is you you were you're never willing to lose an argument because of marriage marriage losing arguments I am never willing to have an argument and I never do you never had an argument why of course I had when I was in traditional relationships yes I have not had an argument in a long time yeah so what you've done is you've you've like it's like you've manicured a lawn to keep those arguments out you're not going to go into specifics but but I am just telling you uh I love a life where yes you never have an argument because you know romance I mean what there's really only two things in life that I really loved it well besides work but there's talking in this [ __ ] everything else is sort of secondary all of those are evolutionary designed to be the only things I love them both you're the right person yes I mean but uh you know watching a movie together oh that's great and then but it's but the two peak things are like talking do you notice that have you seen the stuff about how people aren't [ __ ] anymore because of this and because because this is is fulfilling at least for men the uh that that desire without having to go and put up with what what I would say the other stuff men are so lost and so stupid and lazy and inept that they're just they're they're okay with like porn is good porn's great yeah porn is great but it's not the same category it's just and the fact that they're I mean there were lots of times younger I was very young accept and I was at a school college where there was very few women and I didn't know how to get them and I was super horny and that went on for quite a long time okay so I know it it feels like to be and by the way that made you a successful comedian so if you don't have that anymore that challenge you wouldn't you're not gonna have very creative smart people well that may be true too but but the point I was going for is that like even when I only had masturbation I was not happy with this for one second I didn't surrender like these kids do and be like oh you know what this is like no I'm masturbating thinking about something that I want to actually do if that thing I'm thinking about no it's true I used to do a bit in my act that I always thought it was a I always enjoyed this one about how I could never jerk off to a movie that took place like in the Middle Ages because like when I jerk off your movies wait what movies are you talking about I'm just saying when I jerk off it has to be connected to something that could actually happen I'm you're it's a scenario you're imagining where you're actually at the end of it when you come [ __ ] the person in your scenario uh okay so if I'm watching a hot chick in a movie about that takes place in the year 1132 there's no way I can actually [ __ ] that chick yeah I need to get a time in reality that's why the number one thing on PornHub is Step was it stepmoms because all there's millions of families with teenage boys and stepmothers so the number one thing on PornHub don't ask me how I know it just pops up is that it's all like step stepmother stepdad uh stuff and it's like it's why is that I think it's because it's what you said it's familiar to their life and it's possible what the potential is that incest no no they're not related it's like it's like if you have a St all of a sudden you're dad you get to you get your dad marries this 23 year old hot whatever she's not related to you that's the that's the search the go-to search on like PornHub why because they Imagine This is Gonna really happen well no I'm using your logic I'm saying that it's masturbatory material but there's a possibility that maybe it's part of their life and very close and they're lazy yes it does make sense yes yeah how do they monetize that that's something that I don't get that is fascinating I never really actually because it's free do you remember let me ask you this the idea that they I've wondered about this the idea that incest porn is really about being lazy it's about being lazy yeah the person you don't want to even leave the house you don't want to leave the house she's right there she's right there that is an epiphany this is this is this is an epiphany it really is do you remember though okay so I'm I'm a little bit younger than you getting porn was the hardest thing in the world like if somebody had a magazine in your neighborhood you would put it in a bush in the wherever and it was exactly it was common we hit him in the woods you hit him in the woods and I would so I I called it and they got muddy yeah I called hedge porn it was always muddy and it was torn but it was like I used to call it hedge porn and I'm explaining it to my staff because I got people that are much younger and they are they're perplexed they go no you had to act it was like trying to get laid for you guys but it's us trying to just get porn so we could like it would be in a tree in a Tree Hole whatever call those things right put them in there and then the guy that had the most porn was like super well known right he had the who's the one who had the stash I feel like I squirreled them out of houses that I was babysitting at I can remember really I can remember cut like covers of magazines because they were like when Farrah Fawcett was like a bit it was like there was like these covers that I remember she wasn't naked but she was like on the cover or something and Sarah first it was certainly a she was the uh remember that poster of course yeah to put you know the best poster though Raquel Welch died oh that one Million BC poster was we all had it we all had it yeah and you by the way so I was like I was born in 64 I was like 68 69. I didn't even know why I was looking at it like you know what I mean when you I can remember looking at her legs veering upward and not understanding what I was looking at but for some reason I had to it's just it we were wired for that not at that age I wasn't I had no interest in girls or sex I didn't know what it was it was absolutely immaterial to my life until I uh like 11 or 12 when I hit puberty yeah and and then it was everything but until then it was baseball cards and you know it was just it was just can you remember music that you listened to before puberty music before puberty no is that amazing it was just a music that the parents had in the house yes and that always blows my mind that I try to go but I must have like like novelty music like race stevens or something I remember corny [ __ ] Broadway show tunes that they were listening to on show tune albums you know like anything you can like I just wanted to shoot that [ __ ] but the thing is that what what's interesting is there was stuff that you did listen to but when puberty hits it erases it completely and I'm like going like but there was no music that I was purposely Listening To None I had no interest I didn't want to I like the Char the Charlie Brown Christmas album no you have that nothing I remember the uh Chipmunks singing the Christmas song Yes Alvin and the Chipmunks Alvin in the show weird relationship with that man that that man was crazy this is here I don't know if that guy had a family he just said chipmunks because I was a kid I like that that was like a novelty record so maybe we had that but no that's all it was was novelty novelty music AM radio on the way to school and then you're in the car and something comes on the radio and it's a rock song and like there's a it just goes like this boom and then everything's over it could have been like the stones or something like a riff and then you're completely everything that happened before it's a lots of Innocence really it's like all that stuff my first album was Sergeant Pepper and it had been out about a year so I wasn't really on the tip in 67 but like 68 is the year I I remember first caring about music listening to it look putting a record on that I put on yeah I wanted to hear a song I wanted to hear my sister Chris had and then all these records so I but my I think my first one was Steve Miller The Joker [Laughter] how does that yeah I know that's right is that the 70 73 maybe 74 something like that yeah but it was yeah that's a great record but is that Maurice they call him Morris with that note yeah he was amazing um it's such a great album okay that's the one yeah yeah he's an amazing guitarist too do you know that he like grew up with Les Paul I get my loving on the Run yeah you gotta like well you know every every musician was that did those like I'm a rambling man was smart because basically when they when a girl gets serious they go listen to my song [ __ ] I come I'm a rambling man I leave there's a lot there's a lot of those songs in there because the guys like them were like check you guys you're great but listen I warned you but it's warm where you're touching me yes okay that's exactly right you can just go you go like I said don't get hooked on me right if you're in any kind of divorce settlement that wins yeah there should have been another verse to that song baby baby I really spelled it out I mean I couldn't have been any more specific I said very plainly to you over and over on multiple occasions don't get hooked what part of hooks and me don't you understand [Laughter] on that note I'm I cannot I it is just too cold here what do you want to do I gotta go well I have a dinner at Ariana's but uh Ariana I dinner with her you did years ago really like 20 years ago I love her she's insane but uh the last so the last uh she's the most sane person I know but I gotta tell you there's nothing in there's nothing insane does not describe Arianna I mean she uh last time I saw her was on an Amtrak train she was sitting in my sister's seat and I had to I went over it's just like really yeah like a year ago no wait Trump was President I so it was two years Ariana was on Amtrak yeah on the seller Ariana Huffington yes she was she I walked onto the train it's practically a billion yeah I know we had our tickets okay and then I looked and then I go oh [ __ ] I gotta go so I go to Ariana because we I wrote for The Huffington Post 20 years ago I was one of the first people that uh that wrote I was one probably the first person I think that posted on uh Huffington Post I posted a recipe for lemon squares because I was looking at it like it was your aunt's blog so recipes and [ __ ] but anyway uh yes I was uh behind her and I said hey and she goes oh Greg how are you good to see you dude I don't do accents I see is it that's Dr Ruth Westheimer you're doing R.I.P I think she's dead it's like this she's more like yeah but uh and I felt bad because I the second thing I I wasn't there to say hi I was there to say it was just very awkward and she goes uh Greg it's nice you haven't changed that's what she says but it was like I go away it's good to see it's good to see you but uh that's my sister and and that's her seat and it was like in in the I don't know why it wasn't who cares why it was important but anyway but I felt bad and then she said you have not it's good you haven't changed and she walked away but I like I had the strain I had a strange dinner at her place with John Cusack Meg Ryan and David Geffen in 20. that sound does her crew yeah 2004 maybe 2005. hmm I'm surprised we never met we met once like I said that time we met no but I don't think I met you either so I was with her I think I was with her and Andrew Breitbart now my okay so it might have been and then there might have been Coulter in the mix oh my God and uh it was an after partying with a real right-wing crowd collector I haven't yes I know I haven't seen Anne in ages uh but uh um who are the other people so we went breitbart's dead so I can't hang with him but uh we went to um we went I think you had an after party but anyway I did yes but it was an after party for your show and uh and you were there I think I shake your hand but I'm not sure I did oh well it was one of those things no one couldn't remember yeah and it was supposed to remember it was like 20 years ago oh my God yeah it is funny the way sometimes people are sort of around you yeah and then but you never quite meet yeah um but listen yeah it made a big success to your show there thank you I always say to people you know um you have to you may not love somebody's success but you have to respect success you know yeah I remember Paul Simon telling this story once on Bob costas's show where he was oh no maybe it wasn't him maybe it was some some other musician who was and the band was starting out and I forgot What song came on the radio but it was a real bubble gum yeah song and they were all making fun of it and he goes shut up we're not on the radio they are yeah exactly you know I mean there's a lot of people who try and it's uh you know to make a success or something and it's uh so I'll take that as a compliment yeah I mean I'm not honestly I can't watch other shows I've never been able to it's I think it's not a good idea when you're in the talk show business to but I know we're all naked on that show by the way you should check it out because it's pretty amazing I'm sure that you know there used to be a show called the robin bird oh of course you remember yeah she was like a sex worker it was like yeah when I first got to New York they had like Channel J yeah it was [ __ ] up on the cable box you had a literal box in your house and there was a naked talk show yeah and she and she wasn't somebody that you want to be naked but she was she was naked nonetheless maybe that was the only thing you had because you were lazy there's no stepmom I wish I could remember like one second of that show it must have been funny but I think she was a hooker if I I uh and but it was a weird Channel they had like they had some other [ __ ] [ __ ] up weird dudes on it was a a yeah yeah but but now that's all television you know all I can say is the future of America if there is one it's just going to be like I'm not sure exactly how much we disagree on things yeah but I'm sure there's plenty of places where we do yeah and the future of America is where two people who disagree to those degrees still can just talk yeah not hate each other because like you know like I always say you have so much more in common sometimes with somebody look at all these [ __ ] things these coincidence like okay you know unless you're actually advocating that we you know uh got the 1964 Civil Rights Act or whatever you're a cannibal or something like whatever it is you know like yeah it's it I don't this is more like how when I was a kid adults were they didn't [ __ ] get into each other's like religion or their politics yeah they just was like they kind of had a feeling from like the things a guy says it should be like sports where you can talk about your team just when their team's doing well uh but you don't [ __ ] on the other team I was a kid and my parents I knew their friends you know you know your parents friends and I knew what my parents thought of their friends and they would I feel like they would pick up on certain things that made them know oh this you know Uncle Paul is a little right wing yeah he was military and he's just not but they didn't hate him yes and didn't like go visit them in Maryland because yes the Uncle Paul was you know voted for Nixon or whatever it's like that it's Jesus Christ you just can't get everybody to be a carbon copy of you yeah exactly my thing yeah but I think it's to keep warm anyway I know you flew here yeah I came here just for you buddy that was I know that's uh that makes it I take that extra tremendous compliment I really do [Music] and can I take one last drag out of this you could take you can take it with you I don't know I don't know if the driver who isn't aspiring a filmmaker this ticket is just take it as a souvenir I know they could be okay with that it's legal bro okay that was nice

Channel: Club Random Podcast

Views: 1,127,515

Keywords: club random podcast, club random, podcast, bill maher, bill, maher, club random with bill maher, real time, real time with bill maher, Greg Gutfeld, Fox News, the Five, greg gutfeld reacts, fox news channel, fox news media, fox news network, fox news, fox news voices, fox news gutfeld show, gutfeld! tonight, gutfeld, fnc, kat timpf gutfeld, gutfeld!, greg gutfled monologue, gutfeld panel, kat timpf, tyrus gutfeld, gutfeld monologue tonight

Id: o_H7WqeNayg

Length: 67min 31sec (4051 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 26 2023