New Rule: Bye Bye Biden | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO)

and finally new rule stop around the issue with President Biden isn't if it's who who will replace him because he is not going to be the democrat's candidate for president in 2024 all due respect above any matters of politics or what's right or wrong the one thing I know for sure about America is this it's run by Mean Girls Mean Girls in the press and in politics and in life and when they smell blood in the water the lust to finish off a vulnerable person will never be denied Biden is toast the walls will keep crumbling and my pick in the office pool for when he gives it up is August 9th the 50th anniversary of when Nixon did for of course very different reasons yes replacing a president as his Party's candidate this late will seem like a big deal for about 3 days and then we'll all be over it it'll be like when a coworker gets her tits [Music] done yeah at first it's oh my God in a week later they're just her tits America is going to do this we're going to get new tits so let's start handicapp ing the candidates I just want to be your guide here and tell you what the choices are kamla Harris vice president will get all of Biden's campaign money and on the democrat's best issue abortion she's a walking reminder to women that Republicans are coming for the abortion pill she won't just protect Plan B she is Plan B and as a former prosecutor Kamala was putting criminals in jail back before liberals decided that was a bad thing and now that CVS is locking the shaving cream behind plexiglass Democrats are coming around to her again Harris would be the first woman president first black woman president and first Asian President but I don't vote for who will be the first I vote for who will win and for whatever reason Harris has never been popular you can count the number of delegates she won in the 2020 primaries on one hand as long as that hand has no fingers in three years as vice president she's been quieter than an electric car and and like an electric car your magga uncle can't explain why she fills him with homicidal rage she just does sometimes life isn't fair it's not fair that she's not popular she's intelligent and accomplished and in fact wasn't put in charge of the border and look at how Okay bad example Gavin Nome is the governor of California home to 12% of all Americans and 50% of all Mexicans on the upside Nim is the only governor with the possible exception of Christy Noam who looks like they could do [Applause] porn and at 6'3 and 25 PBS he's actually the height and weight Trump claims to be W I don't want to say I don't want to say he really really wants to be the guy who steps in if the current nominee goes down but he gets an alert on his phone every time Biden can't think of a word the downside is that governor of California is kind of like being conservator for Britney Spears they'll attack him on California's homeless problem but there's a response to that the homeless can live anywhere but they choose [Applause] [Music] California nine out of 10 machete wielding methodics say they wouldn't be unhoused anywhere else [Applause] of course the knock on Gavin has always been that he's slick yeah you know what I'm okay with that I noce slick is something no one has been accusing Biden of lately do you want good at talking or don't you Nome is the best Communicator in the party with a history of standing up to bullies and his name lends itself to the best slogan since I like Ike I'm having Gavin [Applause] wret and Whitmer is a very attractive Choice high-profile female governor who owns dogs but doesn't shoot them PA's Joe Whitmer would beat Trump in the must-win swing state she governs Michigan and she's a pragmatist who told the Detroit Free Press I want to get it done and has building up a string of Victories on increasing wages Universal background checks expanding Health Care legalizing weed and protecting abortion rights and gay rights no wonder rednecks tried to kidnap her and bonus points for this voters who don't yet know her will think she already was President because of all the TV shows where the president was played by an actress who looks just like wret and wh Pete Buddha judge wow impressive impressive fought in Afghanistan came in third among democrats for the nomination in 2020 is a road scholar former mayor and now he's the Secretary of Transportation and he's only 10 years old but unlike Biden he's allowed to stay up past 800 p.m. and he's perfect and he's perfect for the moment because as our transportation secretary Pete has experienced cleaning up train Rex and he has the balls to go on Fox News although it's no secret that he brings something that makes Fox conservatives very uncomfortable facts for liberals Pete checks the gay best friend box and he and he speaks eight languages which is eight more than Trump and his worst Scandal was taking too much time off when he had a baby but if Trump brings that up Pete can always say I forget where were you when Milani was home nursing Baron okay finally there's this 37% of our presidents were Governors first the Democratic party has all these very capable popular Progressive but not stupid woke Governors West Moore Andy Basher Josh Shapiro Jared polus JB pritzer Tom Claymore okay I made up Tom Playmore but that's because it's important to understand no one knows who these people are and that's good we need some new characters on this sitcom we call a country yeah Americans like new and these guys all you need to know is they're moderates they're under a hundred years old and they have a and they have a d next to their name sure it would be fun and probably a winner if Michelle Obama ran but she's off living her best life we're not going to get a superstar we're not going to get a superstar in this draft we're at the airport and at this point we just need to be sure we get the last rental car something reasonably safe relatively clean and not Trump if there isn't a dead girl scout in the trunk we're good to go

Channel: Real Time with Bill Maher

Views: 177,492

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Id: tCKNlj1uDyc

Length: 9min 52sec (592 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 13 2024