>>> MADAME SECRETARY, SENATOR, THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME FOR US. >> WELL, WHEN YOU ALLOCATE $500 MILLION OF TAXPAYER MONEY TO DEVELOP A NEW WEAPONS SYSTEM, YOU FIND THE TIME. >> YEAH, WE'RE EAGER TO SEE WHAT YOU'VE BEEN WORKING ON. >> OF COURSE. MY ORDERS IN HEADING THIS PROJECT WERE CLEAR. MAKE AMERICA THE TECHNOLOGICAL LEADER IN THE BATTLEFIELD, BUT THE BATTLEFIELD HAS CHANGED. SO MUST OUR SOLDIERS. >> ENOUGH WITH THE FOREPLAY, MAJOR. YOU GOING TO WHIP IT OUT OR WHAT? >> A BIT OF A CRUDE WAY TO PUT IT, BUT YES. YES. IMAGINE A SOLDIER WITH UNDYING LOYALTY, BUILT IN NIGHT VISION, SUPER SONIC HEARING AND THE ABILITY TO TRACK AN ENEMY SCENT WITH 15,000 TIMES THE ACCURACY OF A NORMAL HUMAN NOSE. >> YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU HAVE MADE AN AI DRIVEN ROBOTIC SOLDIER WITH THAT KIND OF CAPABILITY? >> EVEN BETTER. WE'VE MADE THIS. >> OKAY. MAJOR, WHAT AM I LOOKING AT? >> PROJECT DOMINOES, SUBJECT 119 C ALSO KNOWN AS "DOG HEAD MAN." >> YOU PUT A DOG'S HEAD ON A HUMAN BEING'S BODY? >> A DOG'S HEAD AND NECK, MA'AM. >> AND YOU WANT TO SEND THIS THING INTO ACTIVE COMBAT? >> ABSOLUTELY. DOG HEAD MAN IS AN EXTREMELY WELL TRAINED BATTLEFIELD ASSET. IN FACT, HE CAN ASSEMBLE A TACK 9 COMBAT RIFLE FASTER THAN ANY HUMAN SOLDIER. OBSERVE. >> AND GO, DOG HEAD MAN. >> I JUST HAVE ONE QUESTION, MAJOR, DOES THIS THING GO TO THE BATHROOM ON A TOILET OR DOES IT GO OUTSIDE AND YOU GOT TO CLEAN UP AFTER IT? >> THAT'S YOUR ONE QUESTION? >> I THINK THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WOULD WANT TO KNOW. >> AND TIME. >> 11 SECONDS. GOOD GIRL, DOG HEAD MAN. DID YOU SAY "GOOD GIRL"? >> YES, IT'S A FEMALE DOG'S HEAD ON A HUMAN MAN'S BODY. >> SHALL WE BEGIN PREPPING FOR MASS PRODUCTION? >> ABSOLUTELY NOT. WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THE PARTS TO MAKE THIS THING? >> UMM, THAT -- LET'S NOT WORRY ABOUT THAT. I SHOULD ALSO MENTION THAT DOG HEAD MAN IS TRAINED IN OVER 46 FORMS OF HAND-TO-HAND COMBAT. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, MAN, BUT IF I SAW THIS COMING AT ME ON THE BATTLEFIELD, I'D DROP MY WEAPON AND RUN. >> YEAH -- YEAH, WELL, OF COURSE YOU WOULD. LOOK AT YOU. I'M SORRY, I DON'T THINK THE U.S. MILITARY CAN GET BEHIND THIS PROCESS. >> HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT, MA'AM? LOOK AT HIM. THAT IS THE FINEST SOLDIER THIS COUNTRY HAS EVER PRODUCED. >> REALLY? MAJOR, YOU THINK THAT THING COULD HANDLE A HIGH LEVEL MISSION? YOU THINK THAT SHY THING COULD HAVE TAKEN BIN LADEN? >> OH, OH. NOT ONLY WOULD DOG HEAD MAN HAVE TAKEN BIN LADEN OUT, HE WOULD HAVE EATEN HIM TOO. >> WELL, OKAY. WELL, THAT'S A WAR PRIZE. >> MA'AM, I JUST DON'T THINK YOU'RE SEEING THE BIGGER PICTURE HERE. >> I AM, AND IT'S EXTREMELY DISTURBING. >> I HAVE TO AGREE, I'M NOT GOING TO SIGN OFF ON THIS UNTIL I KNOW WHERE THAT THING GOES TO THE BATHROOM. >> LOOK -- LOOK, IF -- IF I DIDN'T BELIEVE THIS WOULD SAVE AMERICAN LIVES, I WOULD NOT HAVE CONVINCED MY FATHER TO DONATE HIS BODY AND HIS DOG TO THIS PROJECT. I MEAN, LOOK AT WHAT HE'S DOING RIGHT NOW, HE'S DIFFUSING A BOMB FOR GOD'S SAKE. >> GOOD JOB. >> HE'S STILL EATING HIS SANDWICH. >>GOOD DOG HEAD MAN HE'S JUST LICKING IT NOTHING WE CAN SAY CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND WE ARE CLOSING DOWN GET STARTED RIGHT AWAY YES MAAM
This one was pretty good. The news cast and Asian award brag off was also up there for me. For a live show they can really hold in their laughter.
We can't let china beat us to this new technology!
Ed...ward.
Why is there no official SNL compilation of animal sketches?
Awfully similar to the 5th sense
Not the best written skit but it was still hilarious because the dog was so funny to look at.
Doing this on live TV is ballsy.
And also...dawww.
I´d let dogheadman sever my carotid artery.
No really, this is Dogman but instead of being a police officer, he's a soldier. Still a good skit. NOTE: Dogman movie is being made as we speak.