>>> YOU'RE WATCHING C-SPAN.
AT MIDNIGHT, BETO O'ROURKE ROLLS DOWN HIS SHIRT SLEEVES IN
DEFEAT. BUT, FIRST WE GO LIVE TO A PRESS
BRIEFING AT THE WHITE HOUSE WITH KELLYANNE CONWAY.
>> OKAY, GOOD EVENING. HELLO, EVERYONE.
IT IS I, KELLYANNE CONWAY. AND IF YOU'RE WATCHING THIS, YOU
ARE GOING TO DIE IN SEVEN DAYS. MMM-KAY, AND AS YOU PROBABLY
NOTICED, THE WHITE HOUSE HAS NOT HELD A PRESS BRIEFING IN EIGHT
MONTHS. WE'VE KEPT THE PRESS SECRETARY
IN HIDING BECAUSE OUR PREVIOUS ONES WERE MOCKED, HUMILIATED,
AND FORCED TO REGAIN THEIR DIGNITY ON "DANCING WITH THE
STARS." MMM-KAY, BUT TODAY I AM HERE TO
CELEBRATING BECAUSE WE HAVE KILLED THE LEADER OF ISIS, WHICH
ACCORDING TO THE CONSTITUTION MEANS THE IMPEACHMENT CAN NO
LONGER LEGALLY MOVE FORWARD. MMM-KAY, AND NOW IT IS MY
PLEASURE TO INTRODUCE A VERY SPECIAL GUEST.
THE HERO WHO TOOK DOWN THE LEADER OF ISIS, CONAN THE
K9 COMMANDO. MMM-KAY, AND HE IS JOINED BY
SPECIAL FORCES K9 INTERPRETER DANA GRAM.
>> HELLO. >> AND YOU CAN TRANSLATE
EVERYTHING THAT THE DOG IS SAYING?
>> THAT'S CORRECT. I HAVE A MASTER DEGREE IN
LINGUISTICS FROM DR. DOLITTLE UNIVERSITY.
>> AND CONAN, THANK YOU FOR COMING TODAY.
>> RIGHT. OKAY.
HE'S SAYING, "THE PLEASURE IS ALL
MINE, KELLYANNE." >> MMM-KAY, AND YOU HAVE THE
FLOOR. >> THAT BLINK MEANT HE CAN'T
WAIT TO LICK IT. >> MMM-KAY.
>> ALL RIGHT, WE'RE GOING TO TAKE A FEW QUESTIONS AND CONAN
IS GOING TO MEET WITH PRESIDENT TRUMP TO EXPLAIN THE SITUATION
IN SYRIA. YOU, MA'AM?
>> HI, CONAN, THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.
[ BARK ] "IT'S MY HONOR, I DO THIS JOB
FOR TWO REASONS; ONE, I LOVE MY COUNTRY, AND TWO, BELLY RUBS."
[ BARK ] >> YES, I JUST WANTED TO ASK,
WHO'S A GOOD BOY? ARE YOU A GOOD BOY?
[ BARK ] ARE YOU MY GOOD LITTLE BOY?
>> "SERIOUSLY, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, I'M A TRAINED MILITARY
ASSASSIN NOT SOME BASIC LABRADOODLE."
>> YOU'RE RIGHT, I APOLOGIZE. >> "APOLOGY ACCEPTED."
YOU, SIR. >> YES, YOU WERE INVOLVED IN A
TERRORIST RAID. WAS THAT SCARY FOR YOU?
>> "A LITTLE, SURE, THE TERRORISTS HAD GUNS AND
EXPLOSIVES BUT AT LEAST THEY DON'T HAVE VACUUM CLEANERS.
YOU, MA'AM? >> HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE
GETTING ALL THE CREDIT FOR KILLING BAGHDADI?
[ BARK ] >> RIGHT.
"HONESTLY, IT WAS A TEAM EFFORT FROM DAY ONE.
>> AND HOW HAS YOUR LIFE CHANGED NOW THAT YOU'RE A HERO?
"HONESTLY, I'M DROWNING IN BITCHES."
>> WHAT DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE SO-CALLED WHISTLE-BLOWER IN THE
WHITE HOUSE? >> "I THINK WE NEED TO FIND OUT
WHO THE WHISTLE-BLOWER IS BECAUSE THAT SOUND IS DRIVING
HIM CRAZY." NEXT QUESTION, PLEASE.
WAIT, ACTUALLY I'M GOING TO HAVE A SIP OF WATER, I THINK.
YOU, MA'AM. >> I WAS JUST ON DOG TWITTER AND
READING SOME STORIES ABOUT YOU. ARE ANY OF THEM TRUE?
>> HE SAYS, "I SHOULD COME CLEAN ABOUT SOMETHING.
TEN YEARS AGO AT A HALLOWEEN PARTY I DRESSED UP AS A CAT.
I DID NOT MEAN TO APPROPRIATE FELINE CULTURE OR PUT ON
CATFACE. I ALSO APOLOGIZE FOR LAST
HALLOWEEN WHEN I DRESSED AS A CHOCOLATE LAB."
>> OKAY, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE VIDEO OF YOU THAT'S JUST COME
OUT? >> "OH, RIGHT, THERE'S A VIDEO
OF ME BARKING AT A BLACKMAILMAN. I SWEAR IT WASN'T ABOUT RACE.
BECAUSE I DON'T SEE COLOR. LITERALLY I'M COLOR-BLIND.
OH, AND EVERY DAY FOR THE PAST 12 YEARS I'VE HUMPED SOMEONE'S
LEG WITHOUT CONSENT. FOR THAT I APOLOGIZE."
>> IF I COULD THROW IN A SILLY QUESTION, WHO DO YOU THINK WON
HALLOWEEN? >> "TO ME, HEIDI KLUM ALWAYS
WINS HALLOWEEN BUT THIS YEAR I HAVE TO GO WITH KYLIE JENNER,
SHE BECAME MARILYN. AND SPEAKING OF COSTUMES, WHAT
IS THIS JANKY FAKE MEDAL THAT THE PRESIDENT PUT ON MY NECK, IT
HAS A PICTURE OF A PAW ON IT. YOU DON'T GIVE HUMANS A MEDAL
WITH A FOOT ON IT." "ANYWAY, THAT'S MY TIME, GOD
BLESS AMERICA, SCOOTER, IF YOU'RE WATCHING, DADDY LOVES
YOU, NOW GO TO BED. AND THE SAME GOES FOR PICKLE,
ROCKET, BILLY, SHAMROCK." >> THANK YOU SO MUCH, CONAN.
WE ALSO HAVE A HUMAN THAT WAS INVOLVED IN THE RAID.
DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY QUESTIONS FOR HIM?
>> OKAY, THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.
>> YES, AND THANK YOU, ALL OF YOU.
NOW THIS DOG HAS TO GO MEET PRESIDENT TRUMP AND THEN HE HAS
TO TESTIFY AGAINST PRESIDENT TRUMP.
HE WAS ON THE UKRAINE CALL TOO. MMM-KAY, GOOD NIGHT.
I love when Cecily appears, specially with dogs ❤
This is pretty fun. Was the dog supposed to bark on command? It seemed like they were waiting for it.
I've missed Kate's Kellyanne.
This was my favorite sketch because I am a sucker for live performers trying and failing to control a dog.
This was great
Not gonna lie, Kate’s Kellyanne impression is a turn on.
I still don't get why Kristen Stewart wasn't in this, kept waiting for her to pop up. Extended costume change time?
I felt that they missed an opportunity. They should've asked Conan "what is best in life?"