[ PHONE RINGING ] >> YEAH, HELLO? >> THIS IS A CALL-BACK REQUEST FROM SPECTRUM CABLE. PLEASE HOLD FOR A REPRESENTATIVE. >> HI, THERE, THIS IS MATHEUS WITH SPECTRUM CABLE, IS THIS BRAD HERMAN? >> YEAH, HI. >> HI. AND WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH TODAY, MR. HERMAN? >> I JUST NEED TO CANCEL MY CABLE. >> OH, I'M SO SORRY TO HEAR THAT, MR. HERMAN. BEFORE WE BEGIN, WOULD YOU LIKE TO ADD A TELEPHONE LAND LINE TO YOUR CURRENT PACKAGE FOR $12.99 A MONTH? >> NO, I'M GOOD. I JUST NEED TO CANCEL THE CABLE. I TRIED TO DO IT ONLINE BUT IT SAID I HAD TO CALL. >> OF COURSE, MR. HERMAN. MAY I ASK THE REASON FOR YOUR CANCELATION? >> YEAH, MY GIRLFRIEND AND I BROKE UP AND I'M MOVING OUT. >> OH, NO, I'M SO SORRY. I'M SO SORRY YOUR RELATIONSHIP FELL APART, MR. HERMAN. MR. HERMAN, MAY I ASK THE CAUSE OF THE BREAKUP? [ LAUGHTER ] >> NO. THAT'S PERSONAL. >> OF COURSE, MR. HERMAN. PLEASE WRITE DOWN THIS REFERENCE NUMBER IN CASE WE GET DISCONNECTED. DO YOU HAVE A PEN AND PAPER HANDY? >> NO. NOT REALLY. >> WONDERFUL. MR. HERMAN, THE NUMBER IS 7-B AS IN BOY, F AS IN FIGHT. G AS IN 5G. PLEASE HOLD FOR A CANCELLATION AGENT. >> YOUR CALL IS IMPORTANT TO US AND WILL BE ANSWERED IN THE ORDER THAT WE FEEL LIKE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> HI, THIS IS TANYA. FOR SECURITY PURPOSES, CAN YOU TELL ME THE 42-DIGIT CUSTOMER PIN NUMBER THAT CAME ON YOUR FIRST BILL? [ LAUGHTER ] >> ON MY FIRST BILL, THE ONE I GOT SIX YEARS AGO? I DON'T HAVE THAT. >> NOT A PROBLEM. WE CAN USE ONE OF YOUR SECURITY QUESTIONS. WHAT CITY DID YOUR MOM LOSE HER VIRGINITY IN? [ LAUGHTER ] >> THAT'S DISGUSTING. I DON'T THINK I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT. >> WELL, AND THAT IS WHAT YOU ANSWERED. OKAY. ALL RIGHT, SO WHEN IS A GOOD TIME FOR A SPECTRUM TECHNICIAN TO COME INSTALL YOUR NEW LAND LINE? >> NEVER. I DON'T WANT A LAND LINE, OKAY? I WANT TO CANCEL MY CABLE. >> OF COURSE. SO I WILL TRANSFER YOU TO CANCELATIONS. I'VE BEEN TONYA. [ LAUGHTER ] >> WI-FI TROUBLE? TRY UNPLUGGING YOUR ROUTER AND SPITTING IN IT. [ LAUGHTER ] >> THIS IS DONNA WITH SPECTRUM. JUST TO CONFIRM, IT SAYS HERE YOU'RE LOOKING TO PAY MORE MONEY FOR LESS CHANNELS? [ LAUGHTER ] >> NO, NO, WHY WOULD I WANT THAT? >> I'M NOT SURE, SIR. THAT'S WHY I ASKED. [ LAUGHTER ] HOW DARE I, RIGHT? PISSING ME OFF. HOLD, PLEASE. >> DUE TO HIGHER THAN NORMAL CALL VOLUME, YOUR CALL WILL NOT BE ANSWERED. GOOD-BYE. >> OH MY GOD. YES, HELLO? >> HI, MR. HERMAN, THIS IS TINA WITH SPECTRUM, HOW ARE YOU THIS AFTERNOON? >> HONESTLY, NOT GREAT. HOW ARE YOU? >> I'M -- NOT GREAT EITHER, ACTUALLY. [ LAUGHTER ] MY LIFE IS PRETTY MUCH FALLING APART. AND I'M SORRY, I'LL TRANSFER YOU, THANK YOU FOR USING SPECTRUM, PLEASE HOLD. [ LAUGHTER ] >> DOING NO-NUT NOVEMBER? SPECTRUM'S GOT YOU COVERED WITH A SELECTION OF SEX AND NUDITY MOVIES ON DEMAND. >> NO-NUT NOVEMBER? >> HEY WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE, MAN? [ LAUGHTER ] >> I'M SORRY? >> YEAH, THIS IS A SPECTRUM TECH. I AM ON YOUR STREET TO INSTALL YOUR LAND LINE. [ LAUGHTER ] AND I CAN'T FIND YOUR HOUSE. >> NO, NO, NO. I DON'T NOW HOW THIS LAND LINE THING GOT STARTED BUT I DON'T WANT ONE. >> NO, NO, IT'S TOO LATE TO CHANGE YOUR MIND, MAN, IT'S TOO LATE. >> LIKE BASKETBALL? OUR GAME DAY SPORTS UPGRADE GETS YOU THE NBA NETWORK AND 85 SPANISH LANGUAGE SOCCER CHANNELS. >> HELLO? HI, MY NAME'S ADAM, I'M A CUSTOMER SERVICE REP, HOW ARE YOU? >> NOT GOOD. YOU KNOW, I'M VERY CLOSE TO BEING TRIGGERED HERE. >> VERY COOL. [ LAUGHTER ] LET ME PULL UP YOUR ACCOUNT. WHAT THE HECK? SORRY, MY COMPUTER'S BEING CRAZY RIGHT NOW. [ LAUGHTER ] LET ME GET YOU BACK TO SOMEONE ELSE. SORRY ABOUT THAT. >> DOMINO'S? THEY TRANSFERRED ME TO DOMINO'S? >> WHO, SPECTRUM? THEY DO THIS ALL THE TIME, I'LL TRANSFER YOU TO A CANCELATIONS REP. >> OH, GOD. THANK YOU. YOU'VE HONESTLY BEEN THE MOST COMPETENT PERSON I'VE TALKED TO TODAY. >> THAT'S CRAZY BECAUSE I'M HIGH AS HELL. [ LAUGHTER ] >> WANT PREMIUM CHANNELS WITHOUT PREMIUM PRICES? NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. WE'D LOSE A TON OF MONEY. >> HI MR. HERMAN. >> HI MR. HERMAN. >> OH MY GOD, MARCIE, WE BOTH ANSWERED THE SAME CALL! [ LAUGHTER ] >> WE'RE SO CRAZY. >> SORRY ABOUT THAT, I'LL HOP OFF. >> ME TOO. >> WAIT NO, DON'T BOTH HOP OFF -- >> HOLD, PLEASE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT YOUR BILL? ASK YOUR HUSBAND TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU. HI, MR. HERMAN. IT'S MATHEUS. >> DUDE, I'M ABOUT TO LOSE IT, GUESS WHAT? IT HAPPENED. I AM TRIGGERED. I AM TRIGGERED. THE NEXT PERSON YOU TRANSFER ME TO BETTER HAVE THE POWER TO CANCEL MY CABLE. >> ARE YOU SURE, SIR? >> YES. 1,000%, YES. >> VERY WELL. I'LL TRANSFER YOU NOW. [ LAUGHTER ] >> WHO IS THIS? >> I AM SPECTRUM. [ LAUGHTER ] THE SOURCE, THE NEXUS, THE PROVIDER. >> OKAY. CAN YOU CANCEL MY CABLE. >> THERE IS NOTHING I CANNOT DO. FOR I AM MADE OF PURE DATA! >> OKAY, GREAT. THEN CANCEL MY CABLE. >> CAN I INTEREST YOU IN SIX MONTHS OF FREE DISNEY PLUS TO KEEP YOUR SERVICE? [ LAUGHTER ] >> NO, JUST CANCEL IT. >> AS YOU WISH. ENJOY YOUR NEW SPECTRUM LAND LINE! >> I'M NOT GETTING A LAND LINE! >> YES, YOU ARE, MAN. WHERE YOU WANT THE JACK AT? [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
This was in my top 3. I loved the Men’s Room cause it’s so true, but The Heist had me dying as he kept killing the Lambo trying to drive out of the garage.
I was confused why this documentary footage was on a sketch show.
This was my favorite, too! And eerily accurate, lol. When I tried to cancel (my country’s equivalent of) cable last year, the representative I spoke was like Ego in this sketch...telling me I was rude, for explicitly telling her I didn’t want any more offers! Haha.
Did manage to cancel. I think.
Similar thing actually happened to me once. I called AT&T to ask if they had faster upload speeds than what I currently had with Comcast. They did not have faster speeds in my neighborhood, so I said Ok thanks for the info and we hung up. Two days later, I’m home and hear someone drilling a hole into my living room from the outside. I opened a window and ask WTF are you doing? Dude said, installing uVerse. Lots of yelling later he caulked the hole and left.
Who didn’t make an appearance in this sketch, besides Che and Colin?
Completely unrealistic. There's no way someone immediately picks up after transferring.
The ending with Bowen is what truly elevated this sketch into something magnificent, but there was so much to like before that too. The 1 + 2 consecutive punch of Kyle and then Dismukes (two of the very best in the cast imo) was great. Not to single them out because really every single person, from Kieran to Bowen, executed their parts perfectly.
There's a very unhinged, "let's see if this works" quality to many of the sketches lately and it's very nice to see.
spectrum fucking blows
Cecily as the automated line really sold the sketch for me.
"Your call is very important to us, and will be answered in the order we feel like."
"Due to higher than normal call volumes, your call will not be answered. Goodbye."
"Have a question about your bill? Ask your husband to explain it to you"