Needlessly Dissecting 'MINUTEMEN'

foreign [Music] Disney Channel released an original documentary about three Time Travelers who went on a mission to save the world while going to school this is Disney Channel's Minutemen count the minutes until Disney Channel's new original movie we created a black hole we have less than four hours to the end of the world starring Jason Dolley virtual don't go anywhere I'll be right back no minute man coming next month to Disney Channel Minutemen was the [ __ ] as a kid first off it's a Disney Channel original movie when you saw that intro come up you knew you were about to watch the greatest media of your entire life secondly it's a time travel Story Time Travel Is Awesome everything that has time travel in it is awesome Back to the Future had time travel Phineas and Ferb had time travel I'm willing to wager a guess that some third other thing may have had time travel in it too so imagine my surprise as a kid when there comes along a Disney Channel original movie about time travel genuinely what could be better as we're about to discover together I think plenty of things could be better than Minutemen but you know what we're gonna have fun it starts off with a big establishing shot of a school it's this school by the way in case you didn't get that earlier Jason Dolly and his bestie hop off the bus ready for their first day of high school where they're gonna have a gay old time and be buddies and go to high school and just oh man the first few minutes these old Disney things are always the hardest to get through because there's this egregious insurmountable amount of cringe that you have to overcome before you can begin the story first day of high school Verge we finally made the big time football games free periods chicks I don't know how to describe it but you just have to openly embrace it before you can begin your movie going experience so you have to inject cringe pure cringe into your veins and bloodstream as a means of inoculating yourself who cares about our past guys all I'm thinking about is my social future Hey look it's Jason Dolly from Corey in the House and hatching Pete and Good Luck Charlie he was one of the faces of Disney Channel for a while and here he plays a simple every man named Virgil first day of high school Verge then virgin and his friend are approached by Stephanie who is also cringe hey hey it's their first High School fight my boy's grown up so fast where does the time go shout out to Nathan Wang for the score by the way good job Wang all of these Disney Channel Recaps have made me realize that this actress Chelsea Straub was in every everything she was in just as many things as Jason Dolly Wizards of Waverly Place a leading role in Jonas LA a leading role in the hit show Fish Hooks she was all over that channel but she just doesn't have the same Legacy as someone like Jason Dolly and it's because as I've said before Disney seemed to just arbitrarily pick who its stars were and spend all of their marketing time hyping them up to the child audience watching Jason's really fun to work with he's really sweet really polite I just go out there and I have fun oh he's great he's always really prepared he comes in he takes his stuff very seriously very into his for over a year and it's taken me this long to consciously realize that all of these are the same actress Chelsea Straub just didn't get a hype train with her name on it which kind of led to her Falling Into Obscurity in the minds of Disney children who are now young Disney adults which I think is kind of unfair genuinely I think her largest cultural impact is this meme about the three stars of fish folks getting arrested which might I add hers is not on the same level as those other two he's Charming he's funny he gets us when we like least expect us he's good he's always there to like help you out oh he's a great guy so back to the story beef from Fish Hooks is going to do cheerleading this friend Derek is gonna do football and virgin has chickened out from doing football at the last minute but he's just gonna be there and watch Derek do football we can see that virgin here he seems to be kind of cool he's not quite a loser yet that's about to change the camera with pans across the football field which is a cinematic technique that the likes of Spielberg and his Scorsese just simply aren't brave enough to utilize that's when this little nerd comes careening onto the field in his rocket car we get some clunked up Exposition that he is Charlie Tuttle a kid genius who skipped all kinds of grades Derek wanting to impress his football coach expertly throws the ball right at the rocket car and knocks Charlie out of it the cart just kind of Glides off screen it's not really clear if it stopped when his foot came off the gas or if it's still going if it's the former that means that Charlie was not smart enough to take his foot off the gas he didn't miss the ladder that means there is still an out of control rocket car screeching across this football field so now all the football players decide to beat this kid up virgin is like whoa hey guys that's not very nice and then they decide to beat him up as well for some reason when Charlie gets dragged away Kicking and Screaming here he sounds like Invader Zim Ming so now we cut to the school's iconic Ram statue the two of them are dressed as cheerleaders thoroughly emasculated and hung a hundred feet in the air something which no teachers have tried to stop that's a it's a nice red on you and I just want to say like this is so unfair to Virgin I mean nerds deserve to be bullied viciously that's a pretty reasonable statement I don't think anyone watching this video would object to that but virgin is so clearly not a nerd he is so passively like whoa maybe don't do that and now he's just treated like a nerd and hung from a ram statue he did not deserve that the way Charlie did and this is Somerton High behind me in real life it is Murray High School in Salt Lake City Utah and for those of you who don't remember Salt Lake is also the home of East High from High School Musical and the Lab Rats house from Lab Rats obviously there is no Ram statue over here that was a large prop created for the movie and you can kind of see how they just slotted it over this sign presumably or maybe they changed the sign in the last 15 years I don't know of those locations Murray High School is definitely the least culturally significant but it's still here and it still exists so good for it I feel like I need to address what is to me an elephant in the room which is that I was so tired and out of energy when we filmed that I kidnapped my friend Trinity again for another cross-country road trip adventure and just because of the way we had to schedule it out of a 70 hour span of time we got 10 hours of sleep not only were we sleep deprived it was so hot and I was in fact wearing a snowsuit and so I'm looking back at this footage it's so bad I have no energy in anything my hair also looks like garbage the whole the whole time and I didn't notice now I know for sure I'm gonna get like a hundred mean comments about it should I kill myself yes or no no there's a time Jump to three years later and we learned that the ram statue incident was so permanently damaging the virgin's reputation that he is still stuck with Charlie at the loser table maybe your plight has something to do with being stripped dressed in mini skirts and hung from a school mascot and I had a picture of me at the cover of the yearbook three years in a row and Ann was on all the local news stations and the Spanish Channel yes he incident I will one day be explaining to a very expensive therapist there was some sort of event going on at Murray High School and we actually got to like Slither inside look at this footage of the cafeteria oh my gosh that's so cool and yes there were plenty of people entering and exiting the school as I filmed in front of it in a snow suit people were filming us and looking at us weird you were weird you're the weird one I'm a normal man dressed in a snow suit go away now pay special attention to Discount Steve Urkel here he'll be very important as the story progresses so virgin watches glumly across the cafeteria as Derek feeds B from Fish Hooks and he's like oh man Derek is feeding beef from Fish Hooks I guess you could call this a Jason Dolly shot [Music] laughs I don't get it you see all the marketing really hinged on the fact that there's a love triangle in the movie between virgin Derek and B from Fish Hooks like those ads really wanted you to know got my two best guys right here I'm your favorite there right dude don't tell me you're gonna try to steal my girl for Virgil it's a short trip from zero build something useful something will make you popular to Hero there's one ad that makes it seem like B from Fish Hooks herself is the protagonist of the movie Stephanie had two guys in her life got my two best guys right here I'm your favorite though right one of them won her over sometimes I wonder if I chose the right path but the other never lost hope you're an amazing friend through an amazing invention she will discover that making the right choice is just a matter of time that's an advertisement you make when you're trying to draw in the middle school girls who watch Twilight then this girl shows up she's obsessed with birds I love birds it has this creepy Relentless crush on Charlie which he doesn't quite reciprocate hey hummingbird he's 14 by the way he's approximately 8th grader aged but that doesn't stop her from shooting her shot at every given opportunity he's nervous around girls no I'm not oh it's cool I like shy boys I don't like it so now virgin comes to talk to B from Fish Hooks and it turns out that she is the only popular person in the entire School who's even willing to tolerate speaking to this dork this conventionally attractive Charming loser no one in the school will tolerate except for her and she's nice to him and she's like oh hi virgin we're friends but then Derek slithers onto the seat and then he collects his girlfriend and they waddle away I find it so goofy that none of them changed appearances in the last three years like they just gave virgin braces and they gave bee from fish hooks pigtails and that's all to the hair and makeup Department was willing to bother with they have the exact same fashion senses too like virgin just wears boring ass striped shirts in the flashbacks and the present wait and the flashback all of their shirts are several sizes too big I think that's how they she really distinguished them from three years later in class we see the shallow popular girl Jocelyn Lee doing her nails while this edgy emo dude carved some wood we also briefly saw this guy show up on a bike earlier he's like I'm all tough I'm on a bicycle now virgin's social reputation sinks even further as Charlie bursts into the room and he is like virgin I need you on behalf of the AV club and everyone in the class is like what a loser ah and then they walked there and Charlie's like oh yeah by the way I invented time travel and they get to the AV club and everyone salutes Charlie and worships him like a military commander and slash or God and I find that very very funny also Charlie uh get this but a mere four years later this young actor Will evolve into Jake the Charming love interest of the character girl versus monster from the movie Girl vs Monster just a full and complete never long bottom style transformation occurred from the typecasted nerd to the typecasted dream boy and by the way this character is named Ryan not Jake but you didn't notice did you foreign wants some help building a time machine and they enlist the help of this edgy emo guy Zeke they bring him home to virgin's house it's weird the virgin's such a loser because his parents come from a remarkably wealthy neighborhood it seems they bring him over to virgin's house and he's like yeah sure whatever oh I am a bicycle looks like it could work [Music] it's a virgin's little sister runs downstairs to see all the cute boys he brought over but then she's like ew they're ugly oh he's gross jeez Virgil why can't you bring home cute boy Amy and she leaves good for her also parents just do not exist in this movie they're all perpetually off-screen somewhere spoiler alert but later in the movie the kids get kidnapped by the government and sent into a black hole and parents nowhere not consulted they don't exist but they're always mentioned but they don't exist which I think is ideal and how I should work in real life I feel like Derek and Zeke need to have their names switched this character looks and feels like he should be named Zeke this character looks and feels like he should be named Derek so for the duration of this video I will be switching their names and you cannot stop me something interesting is that I look at the lineup of the three Minute Men and I recognize these two guys from Disney Channel lore but not this guy and my base knee-jerk reaction as a cynical [ __ ] was to be like this guy has not accomplished anything in his career the way these two have but then I looked into it just for a second to double check and I realized that this guy is Nicholas Braun one of the main characters in HBO's succession I have not watched that show but that is a show that I know for sure people do watch as I hear it talked about very frequently I think the kid's dad character died a couple weeks ago and now everyone's like oh my God the succession is going to start now it's a prestigious high-profile drama Nicholas Braun is an Emmy nominated actor he has very objectively accomplished more with his career than these other two have and not raised an idea in my head a theory if you will I feel like there are three tears how many fingers do I have I feel like there are three tiers of Disney Channel actors of the main stars of the channel who sang songs all of the main stars of the channel who did not sing songs and all the I guess the minor actors who just kind of popped in every once in a while okay all of the big stars who sang they're all doing fine they're thriving they have their big mansions and they have their Tick Tock drama and they're doing great living their best lives all of these little guys down here they were so under the radar that they managed to slip by and I feel like so many of these guys are all major successful actors now but these ones in the middle all of the stars of the channel who did not sing none of them do anything anymore ever and I feel like it's because they're just too recognizable as child stars it's the same way Mark Hamill could not get any work after Star Wars and he had to become a voice actor instead and while the singers are obviously still known for their work on Disney Channel they generate so much revenue that is Justified like millions of people are going to watch only murders in the building it'd be like hey it's Alex Russo look at her but you know what that's millions of people that came to watch only murders in the building because Selena Gomez drew them in whereas someone like Bradley Stephen Perry and Jason Dolly don't have the same Allure obviously there's massive exceptions okay I'm just painting in Broad Strokes like Lily from Hannah Montana guess what she's a main character in the hit show young Sheldon starring the character young Sheldon but I'm saying just in general Mitchell Musso Jason Dolly Bradley Steven Perry Jake Short everyone from Lab Rats where are these people now what are they doing nothing that's what they're doing podcasts remember the days where they said you'll never do more than four I do yeah remember those days when like you'll never work again can I also just say we as a society deserve a Jason Dolly comeback I feel like he played really subdued toned down characters in the movies he did everyone around him was over the top and he was kind of playing it straight and I feel like if there's any Disney Channel actor who could creep back into like a a you know a serious drama that goes mainstream and play a really complex character it would be Jason Dolly I just feel like he could do it but no one in Hollywood we'll take child stars seriously anymore and I think that's unjust there's one sound design kerfuffle I suppose that really sticks out to me in this scene Derek is very clearly holding a wrench but listen to the sound I refuse to agree to that but you already did you said that I've helped you build the time machine we'd use it for whatever I want to do no do-overs that is very clearly a ratchet you said that I've helped you build the time machine we'd use it for whatever I want to do no do-overs that is not what he's holding they bribed their quirky ah Vice principle into letting them use the school's abandoned fallout shelter under the football field oh in this Vice principle by the way is my favorite character in the whole movie and in all of fiction hey fellas do any of you have four quarters this thing's not taking my dollar all I could think of watching is that he seems like a rip-off of Dean Pelton from Community but the thing is he came a year earlier than Dean Pelton did okay you get this wrong one more time I'm segregating the school and follow-up note remember that Arc and Community where Chang takes over the community college and turns it into his military regime and he have docks the dean and hires a replacement Dean to trick all of the school board members into thinking everything at the community college is fine well that fake Dean from the season three storyline is this guy which is so funny Community was a good show until it wasn't until it was again until it wasn't Dean Pelton introduces the movie's first major theme which is that bullying nerds is simply the way high school is supposed to go and it would be foolish to intervene no gentlemen everything in this world has an order are those who stuff others into vending machines and uh stuffed into vending machines this wholesome an inspiring message will get so much more play as the movie carries on it's Montage time and absolute Banger place right here it's a song called like like Whoa by Ally in Austin or something uh the funniest moment in the whole movie is when Virgin gets jump scared by a portrait of Richard Nixon there's like a minute of all the characters hitting their heads on things and suffering severe blunt force trauma straight to the scalp they steal Dean pelton's microwave as he's cooking a Hot Pocket and then Derek eats the hot pocket and then the microwave becomes an essential ingredient of their time machine so they've got it working virgin and Derek throw Charlie's cat into the portal without consulting him at all which is played for laughs but that's so mean and then they pull the cat out the watches are one minute off which means that Albert feed leinstein is now the world's first time traveler 843 844 and the music's all magical and mysterious and stuff I loved these characters as a kid there's two scientists fat scientist and skinny scientists I assume those are their names on their birth certificates and they so one of us is us is up there on the case we cut back to an average day at school oh no it seems that Zeke and B from Fish Hooks are having some nasty relationship problems she thinks he is flirting with nail polish girl which is obviously not ideal seeing as she is dating Zeke my boyfriend is a lying cheese brain come on Steph I mean Jocelyn's hot but she's a total bottom feeder I would never go there and he's like no babe she is just teaching me French she's like polyamory is not for me Zeke stop talking to her and he's like I'm taking this horse randomly so anyway he leaves and then virgin slides up and he's like and the movie is just screaming at its seven-year-old audience to be like ship virgin and B from Bishops they belong together I miss us but it doesn't seem that she quite realizes that yet B from Fish Hooks also insists that Derek did try to stop all those nasty football players but they were simply uncontrollable seniors you know Derek really did try to stop those football players but you know how seniors are which means that everyone who hung virgin from the ram statue doesn't go to the school anymore and haven't gone to the school for like three years but virgin is still just the loser of all losers the loser to end losers now the time has come for the boys first time travel Adventure Derek brings a grappling hook and they're like that grappling hook will never come in handy Derek and he's like you guys will see in spoiler alert later in the movie it does come in handy and this is literally just a running gag from Gravity Falls except this is four to five years earlier than Gravity Falls Mabel no offense but that grappling hook has literally never helped us once um grappling hook is useless nope oh yes we mustn't forget the grappling hook everybody's gotta make fun of the hook sorry so now that's both community and Gravity Falls which have ripped off God's strongest film Minutemen their first Escapade is a ploy to rip off the hit film Back to the Future too starring the character Back to the Future 2. they're going back to yesterday to buy a lottery ticket from the store [Music] Unfortunately they can only be gone from the machine for 10 minutes or else they'll explode that's funny I thought you said exploding very contrived plan they can't make paper which announces the winning lottery numbers and they head to the counter and they hand the newspaper over and they're like hi we'd like these lottery numbers please I'm not a lottery expert okay I didn't go to college for lotteries but I don't think that's quite how that works to the best of my knowledge like can you just walk up to the counter and tell them the specific lottery numbers you want because if you happen to get the winning numbers then that seems pretty damn suspicious but I think the most suspicious part of all this is that the store clerk was just handed a newspaper excerpt which is announcing the winning lottery numbers a lottery which has not been won yet like I'm sure sometimes the winning numbers will be announced in the newspaper in advance but if that's the case then you most certainly cannot come up to the counter and ask for those specific numbers but anyways it's all for naught because they are not old enough to get lottery tickets they're underage so their backup plan becomes go to this robot man outside tell him to get a lottery ticket with these specific numbers but then they have to rush back to the machine because of the 10 minute limit so they're like we'll get it from you tomorrow Mr Robot Man so then 24 hours later for him they rushed back to the lottery store and get this he cashed the ticket without them and he has been announced as the winner of the lottery and he's still standing in the exact same spot that he was 24 hours ago [Applause] so this whole chunk of the movie is a little bit pointless plot wise but character-wise it tells us that virgin wants to become rich with time travel and cool with time travel they could have picked a lane and done one but it's just like Ambiguously he wants both of them so for almost a whole day I was trying to find any sort of geographical evidence of where the Mart might be now obviously it's called Good Time Tattoos and the name that was on it in the store was never a real location but Trinity looked at the movie for just a second and she was like well what's koi and that led us to find koi piercing studio which was left in the background of a Disney Channel original movie I hope they appreciated that free marketing because you know we wouldn't have heard of it without Minutemen here they've changed the logo but the location is still around later a commenter found it like a couple hours after Trinity did so we still would have found it this is about four minutes from East High School I wonder if the resident of that house has any clue that the back of their property is in a Disney Channel original movie we parked right where the silver man danced are dancing on his grave right now rest in peace robot man all right one doing a peace sign like it's impossible to wear yeah I know we've had to wear the suits in 100 degree weather like completely strapped up fur over our faces goggles the next day at school Steve Urkel's clothes are stolen by a nasty bully and he is stripped naked in front of everyone in the whole school I remember this really vividly for some reason Dean Pelton comes by and he does not help at all because he's the best if you're trying out a new look Chester let me be the first to say it's not working so virgin and Charlie decide to use the time machine for good and go back in time to prevent that from happening but first they have to pitch the idea to Derek up on a stairwell well well well well look what we found when we briefly ventured inside we did not go up the stairs because I feel like you know that wouldn't that that won't be allowed so this is just right next to the door we just walked like 10 feet and there's the entrance of the stairwell and they are on that railing up there either the second or the third story you can see that the Vantage points are the same all right hurry phew Charlie now thinks that one of them might need to stay back with the machine in order to stabilize it and they're all arguing about it and then that's when bird girl walks in excuse us foreign and the two older guys just completely override Charlie and they're like hello bird girl welcome to the Minutemen I don't know why but they're just completely disregarding him at every turn and it's so mean for no reason no no no no what's going on here okay Jeanette have a seat she says that they need better more fashionable outfits and so she gets them snow suits because her dad works at Ski World and they're all like oh we look hot in these snowsuits highlight these massive guns and it's like what the heck no you don't this is the least fashionable fashionista character of all time they look really cute in them so we look really good in them I think that's the bottom line and off they go they go and yeah is that whenever they jump into the portal their voices get all modulated foreign also according to this behind the scenes featurette which is like the female equivalent of a feature the design of the vortex was supposed to resemble a snow tornado thus thematically linking it with the snow suits The Vortex was conceived of as being a snow tornado and I feel bad saying this but like after a whole 15 years not once would I or anyone have made that connection I do not think they accomplished what they set out to do here so the guys managed to save discount Steve Urkel by supplying him with drip what's going on fellas oh you can keep those I got myself some new threads the snow suit guys show themselves develop a mysterious reputation and make an enemy out of Dean Pelton the next day at school he announces that they must be found and apprehended really make it perfectly our idea severely punished that is all he also references a nurse ratchet over the intercom nurse ratchet and coach Bob have seen it before and they assure me that it is not contagious this is very clearly a reference to one flew over a cuckoo's nest written by Ken Kizi Ken keezy graduated from my very high school in this loser small town in Oregon but get this the character ratchet from Transformers was originally named after nurse ratchet as well so if you really think about it according to the associative property I invented Transformers and now we go to a restaurant there it is I think oh yeah 353 so now what was the burger restaurant is modern Warrior and at the burger restaurant was just a made-up brand so it may have been that all along who knows our original plan was to stand in front of all these locations but this city is broken the city is broken it's like an unfinished GTA map and we can't even figure out how to get to half of them and plus people are looking at us weird because they're jealous of our cool jogging suits I've got to get one of those cool jogging suits they save one more ugly nerd from the mean nasty nail polish girl due to Derek's vigilance in the original timeline she made him slip and spill food on himself but in the revised timeline she gets food spilled on her whoa Deja Vu McCreery time did we just go back in time now there's a montage set to Corbin Blues bring it back again as the Minutemen save people around the campus all of these loser nerds get rescued undeservingly I might add and Dean Pelton tries desperately to track them down government agents are also starting to track the boys down and the least conspicuous manner possible [Music] but now all of these ugly nerds are starting to have attitude problems and who's this for talking about Eugene oh hey Virgil yeah it's nobody you know I'm just talking about the snow suit guys who else are these kids supposed to look up to to set trends those doorknobs luckily B from Fish Hooks is still willing to talk to Virgin she excitedly tells him that a talent scout is coming to watch her at the upcoming cheer thing and oh she seems she told him this before her own boyfriend I wonder what this could imply about her relationship to these two men but now Charlie drops another bombshell and he reveals that he took large swaths of the time travel schematics from NASA I stole it from NASA you robbed NASA Charlie things that due to the fact they're clearly being watched they need to stop time traveling drop the grape but the next day virgin discovers that bee from fish hooks has been Gravely injured during an off-screen pyramid Dismount just losing out on her College opportunity he is not willing to sit by idly and watch this happen so he convinces the others to do one last job over here okay need a plan of action they rescue her and it turns out the whole incident was caused by a now emboldened nerd who kicked a hacky sack at her Dean Pelton just misses them causing a terrible accident between Robot Man and an old lady this is the site of the terrible accident between the Robot Man and an old lady rest in peace to all involved prayers to the families and if you rotate the camera this way there is Murray High School's football field which they went out of their way to not including any shots in the movie because they were using Highland High School's football field this is the quote-unquote Sutherland High football field in reality this is Highland High School's football field there's currently a game on it so we're not gonna go in it dressed in snow suits it's Highland High that seems kind of redundant to have high in there twice though I suppose if they called it lowland High it would have canceled out then it would have just been land so the Rocket Cart was speeding across this very field yeah back in the day even in the middle of that there was a portal there's a Vortex oh yeah I don't think any of these people realize there's a black hole directly beneath their feet that's unfortunate for them that is their bomb shelter that's right the next day discount Steve Urkel is causing all kinds of mischief according to my calculations you guys are in my way leave us alone Chester well excuse me what is going on here Chester and his friends keep harassing us I genuinely just can't get over the laughable level of nihilism this movie has where all of Dean pelton's concerns were completely validated by the Nerds exhibiting bully Behavior as soon as they're not bullied anymore I will not tolerate students leapfrogging to a higher Social Status more things are going awry such as this new lawsuit between Robot Man and the old lady Charlie's becoming increasingly concerned about the space-time Continuum about the government agents and about unintended consequences of their time travel [Music] he's really freaked out things continue to spiral out of control B from fish hook susses out that virgin Charlie and Derek are the snow suit guys and he accidentally runs his mouth off and reveals that he's a time traveler so now when discount Steve Urkel causes Zeke to lose the football championship they come crawling the Virgin asking him to save the day I don't know what's gotten into all the doors lately it's like they just don't know their place anymore can we acknowledge how Zeke sees a shirtless man and he just stares like all of his motor functions shut down he's just completely allured by the male body you cannot tell me he is strictly having heterosexual thoughts at this moment [Music] virgin's sister comes downstairs to be like ooh Zeke virgins like go away talked about what went down that day freshman year but the thing is I tried to stop him it was a raw deal man I just wish you and I could get back to how we used to be always chilling so despite Charlie's increasing concerns about the space-time Continuum he's pressured into one last one last job is it me or if I totally lost control of this project lost control bro oh they changed the timeline and allow Zeke to win the sports ball Bowl something I've noticed that they were in the crowd when this happened the last time which means that when they time traveled back there would have been two of them in that location the three of them in the crowd would have watched the three future versions of themselves time traveled back to tackle discount Steve Urkel which would that not be weird like you know you're a time traveler but to see a future version of yourself just pop out in front of you when you yourself haven't experienced that yet that'd be cool and creepy and spooky ah the movie just kind of glosses over all of this and it goes out of its way to avoid any implications of multiple versions of the team coexisting at once I swear all the scenes in this movie are like 40 seconds on average they just give the core most necessary Exposition may be a joke or two if we're lucky then it just smash cuts to the next scene rinse and repeat it is genuinely like the most rapidly efficient movie of all time and yet somehow so much of it is still complete really pointless virgin after restoring the timeline decides to tell Zeke and B from Fish Hooks that he changed the timeline in their favor but she apparently recorded and plays on a VHS tape for them to watch Zeke is like oh that's so cool I'm gonna tell everyone I know about this inversion is like no don't do that and then that doesn't go anywhere nothing happens with that but virgin is invited to a popular cool kid party he decides to go bailing on Charlie in the process here at this highly realistic depiction of a high school social Gathering Charlie creeps up looks in the window sees a virgin having the time of his alive and he's like oh he gads E2 brute betrayal I'm sad and he leaves and he's like oh [ __ ] I'm upset right now but there's more chaos that night as something strange happens out on the football field and the bee from fish hooks apparently catches Derek making out with nail polish girl the next day and she is a bit upset about that because you're not supposed to make out with someone who isn't your girlfriend when you have a girlfriend and seeing as she is the girlfriend she's just not having a good time apparently she doesn't have any girls she can call or talk to Zeke and virgin are the only two people she knows and her entire life according to this film not even her parents so she's like I know I'll call Zeke's best friend to emotionally confide in him mom Steph what's wrong then he comes over to her house and he's like wow you're sad no I'm a chillico pistachio nuts but and the rush to get over here accidentally grabbed a bag of pasta shells she decides that she is going to break up with that nasty Zeke and virgin's like ooh opportunity [Laughter] meanwhile the scientists are still around they've still been doing things it's been cutting back to them like every 10 minutes being like wow these anomalies still are suspicious now they're getting the FBI involved Department have any contacts at the FBI and it cuts to an FBI Agent following Derek but that's confusing because we already saw this dude following them during the Corbin blue Montage this scene of them getting the government involved belongs chronologically way earlier in the movie but I think what happened is in editing they decided to equidistantly spread all of the scientist scenes inadvertently making it so the government starts spying on the kids about 20 minutes before the government gets involved so at this point Zeke is just being a smarmy [ __ ] and he's trying to tell virgin to time travel back to make it so be from Fish Hooks never caught him making out with nail polish girl I want you to go back in time stop Stephanie from busting me with Jocelyn what and you just want virgin to be like no way Bippity Bop kazow I can't be pressured no way no how but instead he's like well I'll consider it because remember he is star they get popular by helping Zeke out so he's totally fine getting steamrolled and taken advantage of so long as he gets to go to the cool kid parties and just randomly dance like oh ooh you know and that that's what cool people do in high school that's what you do to be cool so virgin gives him a non-committal I'll think about it but before you can think about it an unmarked van rolls down the street and kidnaps him so now that's Community Gravity Falls and Portland Oregon which have ripped off Minutemen when they come to arrest you and throw you in their van you can be like no I'm arresting you and throwing you in my van and then things will get so confusing that eventually you get thrown in your own van you can just drive home now he's interrogated by Gustavo Fring my name is Agent rinquist of the Federal Bureau of Investigation but luckily version is able to outsmart the entire US government and get them released you're not going to charge us with anything you can't keep us here that's right hook it up I took a semester government pretty good for not having a lawyer they walk out of the government building and that's clearly not a government building because what it actually is is an event space that you can rent out this special commenter found this one for me it's not right there it's got to be like a round facing and I think that's funny for two reasons is that one Disney was so cheap that they just rented an event space to serve as the government headquarters in their movie and two I also like to imagine that the government within the lore of the movie it ranted an event space because they didn't have any sort of building in the area of Somerton high school now I like clockwork it's time for everyone to break up and be sad at the end of act two going to parties hanging with the popular hey why don't you just go home to your computer and your cat good luck on your new life is a popular person I'm out of here too what I find really interesting about this movie is that virgin's just the cut and dry protagonist and then the other two Minutemen are pretty much on the same level as B from Fish Hooks and Zeke like honestly I'd wager that Derek is the least important of these five characters he's just kind of there normally wouldn't you expect the three titular Minutemen to be the main characters of the movie named after them it's just interesting it's kind of weird so now we get this scene [Music] thank you good morning Magpie your mom let me in it is such a nice day you know I was thinking maybe we could go on a walk and talk about our future together and then oh I'd like to have an orange results that way you don't even have to have an address and on the envelope you would just say this character okay bird girl she is the most pointless part of this movie by far first off she hasn't even mentioned bird since her first scene there was no point in that oh I love birds no big birds little virtual secretary for the local chapter she spends a prolonged amount of time talking about her love of birds but there's no thematic relevance she doesn't weave bird elements into the outfits it's so bafflingly pointless but beyond that she has not contributed to the plot in any capacity the only narrative justification for her being here was that they needed someone to stay back with the machine but they could have just ridden the movie so that they didn't need someone to stay back with the machine because they didn't need anyone to stay back to the machine on their first mission all she does is just have this creepy crush on Charlie everything my theory is that the network Executives read the script and they were like let's add some more girl Representatives hi we're the girls from Minuteman [Music] because remember at this point Disney Channel was primarily watched by girls and that's why they introduced Disney XD the next year to try to steal some of the little boys from Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon these two minute girls I'm the one who presses the button for them to go into the Vortex we'll be their guides to dress apart we so have to do something about those outfits the snow suit guys look hot and they're so suits but I think the creators of the movie were so attached to their Minutemen pun that rather than just making one or two of the Minutemen into a girl they decided to shoehorn in this completely unnecessary character just to have more girls I think they should have just made like this one or this one or this one and this one or this one into a girl and you still could have called it Minuteman because like in Spanish if you've got a group of guys and girls who are all friends you'd still call that a group of Amigos and not Amigas like if I'm remembering how High School Spanish correctly which I pass with flying colors even if it's one guy and seven girls just a guy being there overrides it to be Amigos and not Amigas like English and Spanish are a technically different languages I guess but I think it still would have worked I think you could still call it Minute Men if most of them are girls also can we acknowledge the fact that all four named girl characters are just here to be romantically obsessed with the guys little sister loves everyone who walks in the room B from Fish Hooks loves Zeke and she's virgins love interest bird girl is obsessed with Charlie and nail polish girl is making advances on Zeke even the woman extras are just here to be like hello Derek ooh you're kind of scary and unapproachable can we sit with you also none of the women even meet or interact with each other they're all isolated to completely separate corners of the film there's one point where little sister comes down and she's like oh hey B from Fish Hooks but before B from Fish Hooks can respond and make it a mutual two-way interaction virgin just grabs his sibling and pulls her up the stairs and he's like this movie will not pass the Bechtel test if I have anything to say about it anyways all that to say Charlie looks at his little computer and he discovers that their time traveling has created a dangerous black hole so he rushes back to the rented government building intellectually whoops the asses of everyone there and determines that there are four hours until the end of the world no one questions the 14 year old's math they just start taking orders from him and get to work now it's time for a school dance and Zeke is still pressuring virgin to go back and stop B from Catching him making out with nail polish girl and virgins like yeah bro I will but he's lying and he has another plan Steph [Applause] do you believe that a person's life can change in a single moment sometimes for the better others for the worse yeah I guess there's a moment in one of our Lives is about to change and I don't know if it's for the better it works okay listen to that huge dramatic speech he just gave I want you to think about what's gonna happen What huge shocking thing is going to occur nothing really Stephanie Jameson and Virgil Fox get up here you won oh they're just prom King and prom queen that's it yeah it turns out our sneaky protagonist went back in time to stuff The Ballot Box to ensure they'd become the prom King and prom queen so now virgin puts on his Burger King crown and B from Fish Hooks wears her Sandra Diaz twine cosplay good job Sandra that's what you give for plotting against me good job that's what you get Queen stage allow that to happen that's what you get take your ass home this dumbass really thought that them getting announced as prom King and prom queen was gonna fundamentally change their lives bro was so dramatic and for what for what the movie's operating under this logic that them getting announced as prom King and prom queen will scientifically guarantee that they'll fall in love for the rest of their lives and that seems to be happening because B from fish hoax is like whoa are we in love because we're slow dancing and keep in mind that she just ended a long-term multi-year relationship because she was cheated on and now she's just completely like oh Jason Dolly wow I like your hair [ __ ] like this is why that one Gravity Falls episode went so crazy at the time Wendy breaks up with Robbie and she's all sad and then Dippers just immediately like hey Wendy do you want to come over to my house and play and she's like shut up you dumb [ __ ] I'll kill you yeah and that was the first realistic reaction to a breakup in like the history of the entire Disney Channel everything else was just like the protagonist and the love interest slowly fall in love just uh just in just a couple of minutes after her nasty breakup and Zeke doesn't like this he's like come here boy and soon no longer to be a virgin is like I I love Stephanie now she's mine and Zeke's like you can't do this to me do you know how much I've sacrificed call me crazy but I feel like they should have done a better job with Virgin denouncing this bully it should have been him deciding that he doesn't need to be cool and then telling Zeke no and thus kind of sacrificing what he thought he wanted but instead he's really not losing anything he's really just telling Zeke no because he got his girlfriend now he can put food in her mouth there was some movie trailer or something that said like without sacrifice there can be no Victory without sacrifice there could be no Victory Optimus Prime has left us and by that logic there cannot be a victory in the movie Minutemen but then Charlie slithers in and he's like guys it's time for one last one last one last job everyone freeze [Music] fear of voice and measures in the future you should probably go first okay the movie very clearly implied by his editing earlier that this man was FBI does the department have any contacts that they have now he's something else lame a wormhole rips open and the government decides to send three children inside without consulting their parents oh okay hold the phone we cannot let these students go in that thing they could die if they don't go then we could all die and now it's time bird girl non-consensually kisses Charlie that's so cool and good for them love them on rehearsal is just kind of like right here and then the real thing it was right here I know you loved it he accuses me of uh bruising her arm whenever I grabbed her he actually bruised me hey what's the textbook I think that it was a bruise on the arm from the textbook she was holding and it was like fingerprints it's not true should have had her smack you in one take that would have been funny looking at me you wish you had a kiss I do I want one Luke is a good kisser and the little sister shows up once again no parents inside when you die can I have your room mine is way too small and bye Amy virgin's about to have a sweet little moment with his new mutual love interest and then Zeke just straddles in and [ __ ] blocks them like the schmuck he is what quick thing as I'm finishing editing right now Mr Nostalgia just dropped his Minuteman video so if you want a a bigger Minutemen fix go watch his too now it's time for the climax they land in a park across town for some reason it's not really explained the snow suit guys look hot in their snowsuits then Charlie Types on his little nerd computer and he shuts down the black hole in like 20 seconds and that's it like that's all it took so in reality this is big Cottonwood Regional Park you can see that they took out the slide but this is the same play structure within the same concrete slab I thought they filmed it at Sugarhouse park because I'd looked on Google Maps that seemed like the closest one the closest match had the same kind of trees the big mountains in the distance and in the 11th Hour a commenter pointed out that it was big Cottonwood which is where we are now you're watching a man fall asleep in real time so a newspaper Blows By and virgin realizes they've gone back to the very first day of school because that's when the rocket car was first activated the rocket car that eventually gave way to this time machine I find it absolutely insane that of everything I've covered Minute Men is somehow the one that doesn't have plot holes like there are some things that aren't explained but there is nothing that contradicts itself the way every other show I've covered has and they I guess they have like 30 minutes until the vortex closes or something and virgin sees an opportunity to make it so that they were never hung from the ram statue but Charlie takes some objection to that hey I'm stopping what's going on down there why not isn't that what made men do want to do mistakes well I made a mistake down there I have a chance to be somebody what happened down there is we became friends that day that we were tied up together on that stupid Ram statue this day this day that you hate so much just because you got a little embarrassed [Music] my favorite day and this is when Virgin sees the truth Zeke never once tried to stop what happened and as a matter of fact come here come here let me tell you something it was his idea in the first place you shouldn't do that because I've got a much better idea I mean why don't we smear this all over him [Music] so with Charlie and Derek walk back to the portal at the park Charlie suddenly receives an alert that the portal is going to rapidly close for some reason once again not explained so they've got a rush to get back or I'll still be trapped here forever running at full speed uh Charlie decides to trip over nothing in particular for no for no real reason and then virgin shows up in the rocket car and despite the fact that they have very limited time as was just established they decide to spend I think way too long having a heart to heart and making up with each other [Music] and then they hop in the rocket car and take off at the intersection of Preston Street and Wilmington Avenue [Music] so now they're speeding towards the portal uh almost causing several accidents in the process I guess potential changes to the timeline don't matter now because they're in a hurry who cares if they kill someone they crash through this Marketplace here at the intersection of Stratford and Hartford Street so in the film is it that it might be I think it's that okay yeah because Hartford signs in the distance Hartford is parallel with whatever they're smashing through this is this is it right here took the snowsuit off because she's a coward it's hot the worst thing about it was we were shooting in in Salt Lake City in the middle of the summer and we were running around these [ __ ] you know snow suits more than half the time in the summer in the summer yeah so it was just that was just exhausting hey back behind me is the 1625 Hartford sign that you can see during that shot in the movie because of the angle because we're just seeing one side of it it was impossible to figure out which street was intersecting heart oh as you can see their black bars kind of in the middle of this sidewalk area now but this is what they crashed through after virgin misses a turn on an imaginary 14th Street Derek whips out his grappling hook to spin the vehicle in the right direction around a traffic circle this was the last thing that we could not find we assumed we were going to leave Salt Lake without getting this just at the very last moment this absolute madman in the comments section narrowed it down just by looking at like the buildings I just realized while editing that almost all of those were found by the same guy just one guy thanks one guy as you can see the lamp post in the middle is gone and now they have signs instructing the drivers on how a roundabout Works uh I assume that means there must have been an accident here because the government has many things but I assume proactive is not traditionally one of them [Music] oh no I'm getting sucked in oh my gosh I've time traveled back to right before the review oh there's Kian from before he reviewed the movie let me go to him I will never review the Disney Channel original movie Minutemen on my YouTube channel he and from the past I'm you from the future you have to review the Disney Channel original movie Minutemen on your YouTube channel okay yeah sure okay that sounds good well I'll do a very awesome thank you okay sounds good in 2008 Disney Channel released an original documentary about three-time Travelers who went on a mission to save the world nine out of 10 critics agree it is the best executed film of all time the other one out of ten will be executed themselves foreign this beautiful Vista behind me is where the go-kart comes careening in as the vortex is about to close you can see this weird phallic gazebo behind me a little green structure you can briefly see is in fact just a public restroom and then there is the beautiful snowy mountains as well as the same kind of light fixtures up there it's like really eerie because this is the shot from the movie that I've seen a hundred times as a kid and I'm in it okay so let's look at the actual route they were taking they head from the park and across town in their words to the football field for now we'll use Highland then on the way back to the park the portal is closing rapidly and they have to hurry to take off the rocket car takes off from the intersection of Preston and Wilmington eventually finds his way to all of these shops by Hartford Street misses an imaginary 14th Street then makes a sharp u-turn at this traffic circle and finally makes their way to big Cottonwood Regional Park if we pretend that they're coming from Murray this makes even less sense needless to say I think they could have been taking a slightly more optimal route foreign for some reason the rocket car gets destroyed in the portal but the three of them are fine so that's good after Dean Pelton does not recognize the Minutemen the group realizes they're back at the beginning of their senior year the first day they time traveled and she's like polyamorous not for me Zeke stop talking to her and he's like watch me engage virgin has some Choice words for Zeke hey Derek a film with Jocelyn what's that supposed to mean and within the context of the movie It's treated like this slam dunk roast well I don't know I figure you're both so good with lipstick make a perfect match [Music] but it's actually just so awkward like if I were Zeke I wouldn't even know I was supposed to be insulted just now I'd just be confused you are always going to be a dork anyways Virgil and you were always going to be a jerk Derek have a nice life now they're all confident that's their Arc Derek has the confidence to flirt with these two girls earlier in the timeline than he previously did just both of them not even just one of them Charlie non-consensually kisses bird girl this time and Derek's like bro you just sexually harassed her in the movies like how awkward and then virgin decides that he's gonna shoot his shot with B from Fish Hooks Also earlier in the timeline even though she is dating Derek right now but he's still like AO I like you and she's like hey oh I like you Let's Fall In Love I really could go back in time photo change I would tell Stephanie how I really feel about her I think she's great and if I could go back in time I think I tell Virgil the same thing and then Charlie comes back kicking and screaming about how they need to invent teleportation as a way of getting bird girl back and then they drag him away and the movie ends foreign in the movie permanently ends with them stranded in time having to relive that and there is a throwaway line that establishes they have somehow replaced the previous versions of themselves they're not coexisting would that not be like haunting as hell for just the three of them to go back in time and have to relive these memories that they've already had but now you can make new choices and stuff would you want to relive your senior year of high school I'm like mixed I had a lot of fun senior year but at this point in time I I would not do it if I had to do all nine months if you could just voluntarily go back and do like one day at a time like you're you work back and you're a high schooler again for just one day maybe that'd be fun to do every once in a while but I would not do it if it was all nine months or nothing [Music] film banger so good [Music] you know what I was thinking about when is the last time Minutemen has aired I don't know how to like check that and go into like the history of uh listings I found this wiki page which says the only known listing is June 10th 2016. I feel somewhat confident there have been more than that but I was also thinking like what if they started updating this page in 2016 then it just never aired again I remember when I was in like Middle School they were phasing out like Zach and Cody and stuff like that you'd have to stay up to like 3 A.M to watch like one Zach and Cody or Hannah Montana episode that were sprinkled into the lineup I looked at like the TV Guide listings for Disney Channel this week into my utter shock I did not see the Disney Channel original movie Minutemen anywhere there's a YouTuber called Amanda Todd hunter or Amanda toad Hunter she hunts something she did a video recently where she watched 24 hours of modern Disney Channel something she really observed is that it's like all animation now they've mostly phased out live-action programming and then her video got me thinking like are there still Disney Channel original movies so I actually Google it here on the internet and they are still making some but not as frequently as they used to there's like two a year now I guess their main like franchises at the moment are zombies under wraps which is like a mummy movie they aren't even getting a million views anymore the most recent Disney Channel original movie prom pact had .2 million cable Watchers and doesn't even have a Wikipedia page and I love to sit here and like criticize them like hahaha they're dog [ __ ] now and I feel like honestly they're pretty much like the same as when I was a kid just a more modern take on a cheaply produced movie I mean maybe the production values a little bit lower but it's not like it was overflowing with production value at the time okay actually now I'm looking at clips from the zombies movies this is like a higher quality movie than anything from my entire childhood on Disney Channel this looks like an actual movie what the [ __ ] is going on and I know that a lot of people are going to watch things on you know streaming services but if no one's tuning into the Disney Channel in the first place are any kids even aware that these movies exist I mean if they have Disney plus they're gonna go and watch things they know about most YouTube videos I feel I get more views than the Disney Channel original movies I called my child and nephew a bit ago to see if he had any insight as to whether or not his classmates are watching Disney Channel or anything and I won't show it because he was basically just like I don't know I don't know the whole time he did want to send one message though are you ready okay I will I'm going to keep this in your video no matter what okay are you serious Bros nine have fun okay bye Landon okay so I don't know it was a very special era to be growing up I'm not saying the Productions were better but the thing is people actually watched the channel and it was very magic and you would go to school and you'd hear kids talking about the same shows you watched because you would all have to go to the same channel to watch Hannah Montana and I miss that things will never be the same unless they do become the same again later in which case ignore that I said that [Music] [Applause] so anyways that was Minute Men it's pretty much exactly what I remembered although I will say I didn't remember much of it foreign 's right in my eyes I think the funniest part of this movie by far is that all of the Nerds who get saved from being bullied start becoming bullies themselves and the movie treats that as a complete inevitability like really if you think about the message of this movie is that if you see someone getting wrongfully attacked if you save them then they will start attacking others and a large black hole will open underneath your High School's football field but there's also a message just like if your best friend is a popular jerk who is mean to women and you're using him to become more popular yourself don't do that don't use a nasty person to give yourself more societal power at the end of the day I think it's pretty obvious the Minute Men was intended to be a metaphor for Harvey Weinstein well anyways thanks for watching everyone be sure to smash that button

Channel: Keyan Carlile

Views: 96,074

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Id: _2KA1W3TZoA

Length: 72min 34sec (4354 seconds)

Published: Sun May 14 2023