My Husband is Changing Genders, Should We Stay Married?

victoria is in louisville kentucky to start off today hi victoria how can we help hi guys thanks so much for taking my call um i have uh just really complicated situation i'm going to try to distill down to make the most of this call but potential separation coming up um with my husband he's active duty military and he makes a good living and i work part time home school and uh just facing just if we were to you know um separate that you know we've been making great traction together and besides all the emotional stuff and everything but i've got him on board with with you know dave ramsey and chris hogan and and we've been paying down almost 50 000 of debt in the past three years and basically i'll go down to just making probably bill money you know and i'm just wondering how i can prepare for that and we talked about maybe staying together just for a financial thing but like not being you know he would be a geographical bachelor i wouldn't pcs with him anymore so um just wondering what your advice might be on on that [Music] well i'm sorry i'm sorry you guys are facing this um i i would number one if you're facing something this serious you need to get a pro in your corner and that means you guys need to be sitting down with a a good strong marriage counselor who can coach you guys through how to make good wise decisions um i didn't hear anything just from a common sense perspective healthy about you guys staying uh married just for financial purposes that's weird yeah i thought so too yeah that just sounds weird that's just a guy talking i'm not a professional but i mean it just just sounds weird so um we still love we love each other it's just he's um kind of like there's so many good things but um he's decided to change genders so i would love to say you know hey let's be friends for the rest of our lives that are married but that just seems weird right yeah yeah yeah yeah staying married in that situation is going to be very strange and so um you know i think someone coaching you a good counselor can coach you through how to set some you know processes and boundaries in place to um you know to create a timeline and then um even though this sounds um yeah you said all the emotions are there but it also sounds like you guys are uh just talking about this all still uh in terms of uh you you've got a good dialogue going it sounds like so that's good yeah but i i yeah but but even in that good situation as in as good a situation as it can be in a bad situation you um you you still once you decide to divorce the transaction changes to a business transaction right and so and it doesn't mean you have to be mean to someone because it's a business transaction but you have to be thorough and you have to think through the math uh like for instance he has an income and you don't uh how much debt is left whose name is on the debt is there a house involved you know all these kinds of things start to be a business transaction that have to be done on the very very clear boundaries we see this a lot we really do and victoria one thing i want to suggest and and by no me by no way am i saying i'm a mayor's therapist but at the same time let's not prolong it you know let's have a honest conversation like dave said are we going to do this are we not and once you decide what you're going to do then you'll need to go down that path with the right counsel one thing i have seen is a lot of people prolong this situation out and then it gets worse and it gets worse down the road so have the conversation decide what you're going to do and once you get there immediately uh seek out wise counsel to walk you all through this step but i got to say awesome job at least being um kind to each other in the midst of this process yeah so in other words if if your name is on a debt and he is obligated to pay it in the divorce decree and does not they do not come after him the divorce decree does not remove you from liability you're still liable for that debt that's what i mean by a business transaction you've got to sit down and think about those kinds of things so that these debts get anything's got your name on it gets cleared the second thing you've got to do is you've got to get in ken coleman's materials because you're going to develop a career track yeah uh part-time and stay-at-home mom is not on your not in your future anymore yeah you're now a single mom divorced and so what are you going to do with your life and what's your career look like what's your job look like and you know you got to get on that really fast because you're going to need an income yes you're going to get child support yes you may get some alimony yes he may pick up a lot of the bills but you've still got to create a full-time income in this situation to exist and dave correct me if i'm rome but now that that child becomes her number one priority it's no longer him sure yeah yes no i mean that would be uh yeah obvious but it was um that is a way it has to go you know it has to be that way one of the things that i see anthony that divorce attorneys make a huge mistake on quite often is um or couples do and the divorce attorneys allow it to happen just as a matter of transaction is you know say a typical case study might be husband leaves the household okay they get divorced mom is left with the house and most of the time has a lesser income that's not a statement of that's what she deserves it's a statement of fact right okay most of the time she has a lesser income and can't afford the house payment right but is trying to hold on to the house to keep it stable for the kids and the house should have just been sold yes and to get the bill off of her she does not need that bill to go with her new res her new level of responsibility financially that she's got to pick up now uh that's thing one thing two is that from a husband's perspective the lawyer tells him in that case in the case where he's leaving the house to her to quit claim the house over to her give up his ownership and they never address the fact that he's still on the mortgage right and so he's liable on the mortgage so he gave up the asset and kept the liability yes and then he goes to buy another house someday and he can't and he can't because he already owns a house as far as the debt goes yeah he's already in debt on that other house he's not been released from liability so in that case i would you know if i were going through that i would require that the house either be sold or refinanced and gotten out of his name yes uh in in that case to protect him and let him go on with his life and here's a hint if she can't afford to refinance it that means she can't afford to keep it she needs to sell it that's right and that's that's what you're facing it's a it's a harsh thing that occurs in a horrible situation but there's a reality to this math and it catches up with people sometimes three years later and they get a double whammy from the divorce

Channel: The Ramsey Show - Highlights

Views: 472,612

Rating: 4.8821931 out of 5

Keywords: the dave ramsey show, budget money debt cash, real estate, insurance, how to make money, dave ramsey, save, credit card, compound interest, buying house, buy, snowball, My Husband is Changing Genders, Should We Stay Married?, marriage, love, divorce, transgender, spouse, husband, gender, family, marriage advice, wife, relationship, relationships, separation

Id: UWFbJQB0N3w

Length: 7min 40sec (460 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 04 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/Shlomo_Maistre]

My husband is insane, should we stay married?

FTFY

[u/[deleted]]

Your husband can't change genders. He is mentally ill.

[u/jade_crayon]

In a divorce, usually the man loses and the woman wins, so...

Hurry up?

[u/jmoney6]

My husband is a mentally ill child that wants to make an insane life choice an expects everyone is his/her life to accept them unconditionally with zero repercussions