This Call Scares Me!

violet is with us in Kansas City hi violet how are you great how are you doing better than I deserve what's up hey so I am just recently engaged and my fiance he actually lives in Dominican Republic so he doesn't have a lot of money it's like a third world country I am 40 mm and death and I I want to get married to him but I'm just nervous because I know I'm I'm one's like step number two of paying off my debt doing the debt snowball and I'm just wondering if it's a good idea to get married knowing that I will have student loans to pay less to pay I don't mind folks getting married in debt at all or having babies while they're in debt at all none of that there's a problem for me the only problem is if you're not on the same page that we're gonna kill the debt we're gonna both work like maniacs to cause that to happen so as he got a job he did have a job as a mechanic and then for some reason now he doesn't have it anymore some reason that sounds kind of thing yeah I mean explanation was that their management got hired on new people so now he doesn't have the job so that was his explanation okay and how long have you all been dating we've been together for nine months and how old are you I'm 23 and he is how old he's 22 and he's from the Dominican Republic he lives there he lives there yes relationship where would you live were you married so once we're married how the process of him coming here right yes okay and he was an auto mechanic in the Dominican Republic he's a mechanic on whatever like it I was I'm not sure of like what he specifically did so there's like some language I'm learning Spanish I'm an intermediate to fluency and he doesn't know any English I know this sounds weird but my understanding was that he is just basically a mechanic I've seen he I've seen I'm going to work and all that stuff so I'm not sure what he specifically worked on how many times have you met him in person four times okay I go back and forth to travel over there right okay all right um well here's some things I don't mind you getting married and I don't mind him coming here and he's gonna get a job and you guys work together and make a lot of money and pay off the debt and live happily ever after okay that's one option I am obligated because of this show to tell people what I would do if I were in your shoes I have a 30 year old daughter and a 34 year old daughter and a 27 year old son so I've got kids older than you okay yeah that are all married and I've been in the Papa Dave chair we call it quite a bit over the years and so I'm gonna change hats from financial guru to Papa Dave and tell you a couple things that I would tell you if you were my daughter okay okay number one it has been known to happen that folks who want to come to this country will do anything to get to come here and anything includes talking someone and conning someone into marrying them so I'm not saying that's happening but that flag went up in my head hearing this story so I want you to just be careful be wise and be very aware do not be a naive person who gets taken advantage of and you call me back later with a disaster please I don't want pain to come to your life okay okay so you lot watch for that number two sometimes people from other cultures will work rings around Americans their work ethic is 10x of the typical American sometimes from people with other culture are hound dog in the Sun lazy on the front porch don't work much people I'm not hearing things I like in your description of his job and his job loss I've seen pictures of him going to work statements like that scare the crap out of me as Papa Dave for my young daughter I'm talking to okay yeah like I want some as your as your surrogate dad here for just a second I'm not but I'm just speaking like that okay but I want some proof that this young man is a diligent hard-working young man and that he didn't lose his job because he was smoking so much reefer he couldn't crawl to work mm-hmm I really want to know that before he marries you because I want you to have a good life so I I want you to know that you know that you know that he's marrying you for you not for an option at citizenship I want you to know that you know that you know that this young man is a diligent hard-working young man who's going to serve and love his wife well by working his fanny off once he gets here and that he has a track record of doing that not just promises and you have a language barrier and a culture barrier to figure all this out in this is the whole process is fraught with danger it can work and it might be okay and I might be just being paranoid I do have the gift of cynicism but but I'm just this is what I heard in a short conversation and so did 16 million people listening to this conversation they're all going uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh because I wasn't the only one that got scared when you start talking about this so you got a language barrier a culture barrier and a couple of con situations that you may need to make sure are not cons before you go forward if this is a stellar young man and he is all that he claims to be and he comes here and works his tail off for the good of his family and his wife you will be just fine I am not worried about your debt at all you will work your way through that I hope you didn't take that wrong because I did take my muddy boots and walk off through your house there but um that's just what I do just because I care about you and I want you to win and I don't want to just drive by this and act like I didn't hear those thing because I heard them so you you be good and I hope this works out please be wise wise wise wisdom is different than intellect please get somebody else in your life to walk with you that looks in on this from the outside that loves you and that has wisdom whether it's a dad a mom a sister a brother and uncle a pastor I don't care have somebody look over your shoulder and make sure that you don't have stars love lovey-dovey stars in your eyes and you're blind do that for yourself as a gift to yourself that's what I would tell you if you were my own daughter I hope that helps you well the Dave Ramsey shows changed a little over the years I just used to answer questions for my friends now they're all my kids show for 30 years you guys all used to be my peers now with YouTube they're all 22 oh my god oh well that's what we do here hey I'm gonna answer the questions here if you don't want that kind of advice if you don't want me to tell you what I think if I were you what would I do in your shoes don't call because I'm obligated once you asked and I'm an expert on my opinion I'm obligated to love you well try to help you as best I know how some of you out there might not agree that's okay get your own show this is mine and I have to do in good conscience which causes me to put my head on the pillow at night and go right to sleep takes me about 13 seconds

Channel: The Dave Ramsey Show

Views: 478,303

Rating: 4.919136 out of 5

Keywords: the dave ramsey show, budget money debt cash, real estate, insurance, how to make money, dave ramsey, save, credit card, compound interest, buying house, buy, snowball, my fiance lives in another country, boyfriend, love, long distance relationship, surprise, relationship, long distance relationships, couple

Id: LYsVYVtcVy4

Length: 8min 8sec (488 seconds)

Published: Tue May 07 2019