My Dad the Peadophile: Documentary with Mayameen Meftahi

be prepared right from the very start and throughout for Frank and confronting descriptions of sexual child abuse that some viewers may find upsetting recorded are you okay are you ready to tell me your story foreign [Music] of his body on top of me and it's very physical [Music] I kicked him kicked him and I ended up on the floor at one point he dragged me back up and what I remember is him telling me to be quiet Emily shut up shut up be quiet my father stopped Midway through the abuse to say you know you don't talk to anyone about this do you because you know Dad had go to prison and I remember just being like [Music] 28 year old Natasha lives in leicestershire there he is with my mom and my grandma no one would look at those and think that's your dad the pedophile he just looks like a normal caring devoted dad my mom and dad split up when I was around two the abuse started roughly when I was around four when I look back at my childhood I see almost a two-dimensional childhood my Monday to Friday childhood which was with my mum my stepdad and my brothers which was a typically normal childhood holidays ice skating beautiful lovely picturesque childhood and then I had my weekend childhood and it led to a secret so my Monday to Friday happy childhood had this underlying secret this dark place with my father it was almost a love-hate relationship I so badly wanted that daddy daughter relationship Daddy's little princess things like that I enjoyed the attention that I got from him [Music] me and my dad would always line the sofa together and he would kind of be big spoon I would be little spoon I just remember his hand kind of wrapped around my stomach and it was almost as if each week his hand got lower and lower and lower until eventually one week his hand would go underneath whatever trousers I was wearing but on top of my underwear and then one week he'd go underneath my underwear and then it just got more and more intimate to what I would now look at as foreplay I was a really small kid and he was a bodybuilder and he would always pretend to be asleep and there was one incident where he rolled over and got really passionate kissing my neck he was grinding all over me and at that point I knew that was a boundary had pushed it too far even though he already had in my mind that was the BET where he pushed it too far and I panicked and I tried to get him off of me and tried and I tried and I couldn't lift him off of me um and I don't remember how it ended actually [Music] when 35 year old mayor got married almost a decade ago her father walked her down the aisle but behind the smiles there was a dark secret Freeman starts on the second you're born you don't know any different when you're very young I can't say to my little one behave for me today and I'll get you something I'll treat you later you know he was at the hospital oh just let the doctor have a look and mummy get you some sweets and and that's how it was for me it was exactly like that however my my bribes were not can you go to the doctor and I'll give you a sweet it's can you touch me here and then he thought Daddy I don't like that then there had to be a tactic um oh you really love that toy do you want that toy just touch me here and and you get the toy tomorrow so there was always a favor I mean I worded the word favor because you had to do something to get something in return [Music] for me the the very strong recollection memories are being very very young so I'd say four four or five waking up every morning on the sofa of my front room cartoons on and my father would be um crouched down beside me and stroking and touching my body he would have his hand down his trousers and it would be a hush hush keep watching I love that you love that cartoon you know it's your favorite cartoon Hush Little Princess go back to sleep my father's attention was on me 24 7. when I look back jealousies formed between me and my mother she wanted that love she wanted that attention you know so we had a very very volatile relationship we didn't have a mother and daughter relationship at all and he always wanted her out of the house because it allowed more time to abuse me when I look back on the grooming process was just kind of a normal thing but not normal really hard [Music] [Music] 24 year old Emily lives in Cambridgeshire she grew up with her mum and two brothers after her parents separated when she was seven my relationship with my father was different as soon as my mum left the picture I was the next in line the abuse started from about seven years old you want me to sit on his lap a lot cuddle a lot hug a lot just a lot of touch feely stuff he did it in a way that I couldn't really question because I was so young he'd use it as a game or he'd come into my room a lot put me to bed massages and stuff but go a little too far and now I look back I can see it it makes me feel sick it makes me feel angry makes me feel quite disgusting never thought we'd come to this if I don't need to come to this I would have said something but [Music] 35 year old mayor had been abused by her father throughout her childhood but 12 years after leaving home the ordeal she had buried in the past caught up with her in 2012 I went on a family holiday to Tunisia with my husband and my new my newborn father he was he was a couple of years old and whilst on holiday we received the phone call that my father had been arrested and I needed to return back to the UK over 60 000 sexual offenses against children are reported yearly police had been anonymously tipped off about mayor's abuse when they raided her father's home they made a shocking Discovery when he was arrested they were telling me stuff that I did not know you know they were telling me stuff that the lights and the CCTV what CCTV in my head it ended at 16 I left my home and they tell me this new stuff and this new evidence that they've watched and I'm saying no but that that's not me it can't be me Mayer had no memory of much of the sexual abuse as her father had drugged her he filmed the abuse and then documented everything in a diary I asked the officer in the case if I could see the diary and I remember her face and she looked at me and she looked me straight in the eyes to see whether I could be resilient enough and she put it in front of me and it was a full very detailed recorded event of my whole life there was a lot of um numbers the numbers that um recorded how many times abuse or rape was taking place um and he scored me on a level of zero to ten for that particular rape Mayer made the difficult decision to watch some of the recordings I watched one video in particular that will stay with me the rest of my life but I'm glad that I I read that I watched that one um it was one where I was very very young I was wearing my like the primary school pinafore type dresses that we used to wear with the checks on and I had my little white um socks hooked up to my knee and I was sat down on the bed in my father's bedroom he was standing above me and he was masturbating and I remember listening to the words on the video where I said Daddy are you happy now I watched the second video and it was a very very physical violent video he he was recording me and he was asking me to to get ready to be prepared this is a big day you know this is where daddy just gives you everything that you've ever wanted this is where we become you know I love you so much and he's he's joking on the video and I'm coming off the bed going can you can you just stop now can you just get away from me now can you come off me now and he's laughing and that's when I hit him and I kicked him and the camera that he was using fell to the floor and went black so that for me was what I needed to watch I needed to know that I tried in my best possible way to fight this man yeah in March 2012 mayor's father Edward Colby pleaded guilty to the charges brought against him he was sentenced to 10 years imprisonment [Music] with her parents separated Emily's dad took advantage of his time alone with her so she'd often take her best friend Jade when she went to stay with him it was nice to have a friend come up yeah she was company but I think she was almost protection as well for me yeah were you ever worried about coming off and stuff I don't know I saw I'm not gonna lie obviously you I wouldn't want to tell you that because I'm a best friend but yeah he he was really strange and did you ever get that feeling it was like some weird flirting feeling like he would even though he was so young and I remember do you remember all the time you'd wear shorts under your dresses just in case that he would you know he would look but lucky he was always looking but in like the wrong horses yeah he was there was just something annoying it's not normal but he wouldn't think that at that age because he was you know it was your dad so when Emily was 17 she went to stay at her dad's house with her brothers but on this particular weekend Jade didn't go with her so he was filling up everyone's glasses it was red wine unlimited red wine which is probably why I didn't notice how much is filling mine up and how much I was drinking I was yeah I hadn't noticed until I stood up to go to the bathroom how drunk I actually was and it was one of my first times of ever being that drunk I'd always been a bit Tiddly maybe but like that was yeah couldn't I could barely walk so I made it to the bottom of the stairs I remember blacking out and I remember waking up and he's behind me I'm halfway up the stairs and then I black out and I end up in my room the door closed my brothers are still downstairs to make it seem normal he was putting me to bed he was looking after me this is what they thought this is what I thought blacked out again only to find that he was on top of me doing things he shouldn't be doing trying to take my clothes off I was getting blacked out in a way I'm thankful for how drunk I was it sounds horrendous but I am because I don't remember a lot of it but I remember enough to still yeah for it to be painful I kicked him kicked him and I ended up on the floor at one point he dragged me back up and what I remember is him telling me to be quiet shut up shut up be quiet and I'll work out with scratches I woke up with cuts on my legs and scratches from trying to get away just I don't know how long he was in there for I don't know but had you ever had sex before I'd never had sex before no that was my first time yeah [Music] during the years of abuse Natasha suffered at the hands of her father she lived with her mother Gina we have that mother-daughter relationship at times at times we have been known to be a bit like sisters like best friends and then there have been moments where we've been like strangers you know we've we've been through a lot Natasha moved out of her mother's home at 17. two years before reporting her father's crimes and has never discussed the sexual abuse with her she's got a very feisty personality she Works off of impulse whereas I calculate and I think about what I'm about to say what I'm about to do laughs [Music] you and I both know we haven't had a proper talk about what exactly happened I just want to know like the first time you ever heard about it the first time I remember it if I remember rightly the first time ever heard about it is when I got a phone call from the police okay and how did they word it they said Natasha your daughter has made allegations against Mr Peter Wilson will you know something this is no word of a lie the minute I heard that I wanted to throw up I nearly passed out because I could not believe it I'm hearing this and also you didn't show the signs of life I'm not being funny what are the signs okay the signs I would be wetting the bed um not doing well at school think about it I sense that you fit you're on the defense and I don't want you to feel like that I don't want you to feel like that you're not honestly because I think you think that I knew no I think that let me tell you something if you had told me you know what I would have done to him no no I've told you that many times let me go you think that I knew and I just know what I happily have sent you there no I don't think so no no I don't think that you know this isn't something where I'm I'm blaming you the the type of abuse we're talking about was non-penal digital penetration digital what's digital digital is with your fingers why didn't you not tell me that see I didn't know any of that see now you're telling me this come on carry on carry on tell me I can't because it's it's like I've never told you yeah and I still don't know exactly what is it is Bear's job done all I heard was something about him coming out the shower with no clothes and lying on top of you yeah is that true I want to know is that true yeah you see so can you imagine you're not can you imagine if you told me that then you want to wear it yeah go on go on that was when he'd have this shower he'd get his put his boxes on he said let's have a cuddle in the bed and then that was where he would that's where he started to get more intimate and started get really passionate kissing my neck and he was grinding on me and because he was bodybuilding at the time I couldn't get him off oh my God you carried on like that I just wanted to carry on and forget about it I genuinely thought with no exaggeration that the moment I told my mom that she would go to the kitchen get a knife get in the car go and find my dad and actually murder him do you feel that I took away your opportunity to protect me yes you did yeah you did you sound like you're telling me off now yeah I'm telling you off now because no you need no you should really have come to me and told me okay mum are you gonna cut me some slack please I'm feeling really Under Fire right now no because even when I I let my chest tell you something when I found out about the delegations I thought I cannot believe how she kept it for so long if you told me when you're in primary school this wouldn't have carried on it would it would have been dealt with but you didn't give me that opportunity you just thought you know what I'm not going to tell my mom because I know she's crazy she'll flip the lid and do something to Dad okay okay so okay you were right to think that which yeah possibly would have happened so you're saying that I didn't handle it right no no you did but you didn't give me the opportunity to sort it out think about it I should have sorted it out not you you you took the burden on you did you should have let me sort it out I handled it I think I made the right decision yeah but I think sometimes have failed you I think if you you could have told me earlier I would have sorted him out you wouldn't have had to have carried this on you feel like you failed me that's the first time you've ever said that okay Natasha waited until she was 19 to report her father to the police but it looked like he would Escape punishment I made that first allegation 2010 by 2012. I remember receiving that phone call to say that the case was not going any further there wasn't enough evidence it was a punch to the gut but at the time of making the allegations it was important to me not only to follow through with my own allegations but to make sure that nothing ever could happen to any more children anyone that was around him in 2012 Natasha reported her father to the police for sexually abusing her as a child but the case was dropped due to lack of evidence two years later 2014 I then received a phone call from a police officer in Leicester to say that there had been another allegation about my father I didn't know who she didn't say who Natasha's case was reopened when my police officer called me up and said I've arrested him there was a part of me that did still feel guilty for getting him arrested because I thought to myself what if he isn't that person anymore what if he has actually stopped doing that and he's going to now go to prison what if he's a changed man please Ready Steady go during the court case Natasha learned the identity of her father's other victims he'd also sexually abused her cousin Christopher and stepsister Sophie she's ready guys darling guys long time no see I know we are yeah from being children to now yeah I mean I don't even remember Sophie Sophie's the daughter of my father's third wife the wife he had after my mother and I would see her on the weekends when we went to visit we'd play outside together we had sleepovers you know we slept in the same bunk bed and you know we got on really really well nobody I just remember yeah with the blonde curtains Tasha was in a dress dolly shoes the last time I saw Christopher I remember he was about 15 or 16. his six years older than me and I haven't seen him for 20 years or so up until the court case it's one thing already feeling vulnerable once you're there but you I mean we all needed to be strong for each other to give our best evidence I did feel intimidated by him when I was giving my Victim Impact statement because of his Expressions he's still to me made us feel guilty yeah sitting there still shaking his there denying it when I've walked in to court and I saw her she just looked so vulnerable and scared and my heart's broke I thought oh my God it's true she she did get abused and of course I I instantly believed it because I know I know Sophie and I knew that she was the right target for him in the same way that I was the right target for him I don't even really know how old you were at the time when things happen and how long for you know did it happen while I was going there yeah really yeah I was six years old go to toilet go and get in their bed that's when it happened and then he just totally me back to bed and it happened night in night out for two years I feel that victim now because in my mind it's staying back on Martin record before it wasn't it was just my word saying I've been sexually abused uh I felt like I was a victim up until the court case until everybody knew so I'd spent all that time thinking that I was a liar and now I'm not the judge actually said to my dad you know your family is basically a massive Web of Lies and secrets that have been yeah he's that's what he said he said they've been brushed under the carpet for years and years until now [Music] with his Secrets exposed Peter Wilson was sentenced to 12 years imprisonment for 10 counts of indecent assault [Music] no thank you no I'm sweet enough in 2011 aged 17 Emily had been raped by her dad when she'd gone to stay with him for the weekend Emily couldn't hide the fact that something terrible had happened to her from her mother Karen I remember walking through the door and she looked upset she looked at me and she knew immediately I wasn't okay she didn't know what happened but she knew immediately mum's instinct I hadn't dreamed that what was going to come and she told me that he'd raped her and it was like listening to somebody else it was very strange and it took me a little while just to for it to sink in it just she cried but it wasn't immediate she didn't know what to say she didn't know what to do I don't even remember all of it I was in tears I wouldn't even look at her and I actually didn't know what to do I didn't know what to do I just stood there I didn't know what to do it was horrible horrible feeling police were called and they arrested Emily's dad following a lengthy trial Robert Hawksworth was convicted of child rape and sentenced to nine years in prison it was very difficult it was very difficult to get up in the morning because it was there it was very difficult to go to bed because it was there it was on our minds it was in our lives 24 hours a day and what you had to do was try and get on with your life and you can't you can't because it changes you it changes you and it changes the family and I never ever thought it would end I just thought this was this was it now for the rest of our lives and it's quite incredible and I know it's it's a very an old cliche but time is a fantastic healer and when you're going through it you cannot possibly imagine that your life will get better but it does it does strangely it does following years of sexual abuse at the hands of her father Mayer left Essex behind to start a new life now more than a decade later she's decided to return going back into that space going back into that place is a symbol for me to say that I'm not scared that I can't keep running away I've spent many many years running through fear um and now there's nothing for me to run away from you can't hurt me um and I'm free to be able to return to the place that I used to call my home going by myself to Essex I thought would create the anxiety I thought that would create more fear but I grew up alone I grew up very isolated and I'm still very lonely in my journey ready to conquer the last part of that Journey alone foreign these roads if ever we needed to go for a serious talk then this is where we would come we always used to go for a drive especially when we hadn't had an argument or I'd threatened to disclose or maybe I'd threatened to call the police the sea fund has a lot lots of memories as well it's where I used to escape so I actually worked there when I was about 14 15 trying to earn money to be independent and to get away from him my father controlled every aspect of my life he was what I would call A Serial stalker and there was an ongoing joke with my friends here comes your dad in the white van and we'd all jump and hide he was always just there he was the man in the white van that was that was behind me one of the car Journeys that sticks in my head is when he went down to the state fund when he said that um if anybody ever found out or I spoke out he would kill himself because life wouldn't be worth living and I remember he'd had a petrol can he locked the car doors and he showed me exactly how he would um filter through the petrol can and set us on fire growing up he would use the threats of I would kill myself I believed that with a deep deep ingrain belief and I could not be responsible for his death quite rational number really going back yeah foreign 24 year old Emily has moved on with her life come on when I first met Barney I don't know what I expected at that point I was going through some crazy stage still I think some reckless stage I was going out all the time I was acting wild I was going against what my mum wanted me to do no State Barney it's a nice day I stayed through a walk Emily had to deal with the trial and conviction of her father at just 18. it took almost three years before she was able to begin her first serious relationship when I realized I was in love with him was quite a lot later on I think he fell for me first and then it took me a lot longer but then what do you expect after what I've been through I do struggle with intimacies even as far as holding hands I struggle with doing that because it still is it brings back those painful memories of even though it's not the same it's not the same feelings but obviously my dad wanted me to hold his hand all the time in public and maybe that's wanted me to hug him and like things like that maybe that's why I don't like I don't like public signs of affection with Barney goes as far as that to intimacy and every level of intimacy is difficult it took six months before Emily could share her past with Barney when did I tell you yeah when we had that yeah when they had that fire in your garden yeah yeah and you kind of just said you you wanted me to read it and gave me this news clip and I was just a bit what's this and yeah I had a little reading I don't think I could say it myself yeah well that's understandable it is a bit of a shock when I found out that one of the people in your life that you should have trusted all the way through could have done something like that to her an innocent girl I was scared to tell you I knew you wouldn't take it badly but it's not really yeah it wasn't going to change anything but yeah it was a bit of a shock it can't have been easy for you well it is what it is it helps me understand why you were a bit angry yeah yeah I wasn't gonna let you push me away or anything I think that's why I told you like I think deep down I probably didn't want to lose him all we can do now is uh look towards the future and build from there foreign to be comfortable with each other as we are now yeah I had to sit Barney down and explain to him he did struggle I don't think he admits that but he did struggle it's getting him to understand what he had done to me mentally you know it's just it's not the same I'm not the same as someone else unfortunately he's just been that rock that I needed I almost couldn't believe maybe that someone could love me because of how I'd been left to feel felt a bit worthless and he's completely changed the way I feel about myself I don't know it was almost as if I was meant to meet him and he was meant to do that so in a way deserved him today Emily is preparing for the birth of their first baby so what I found out I was pregnant we found out the gender Barney didn't want to but I wanted to know so I could plan I think secretly Barney having a little son to play rugby and stuff he's his voucher so I think I was relieved that I didn't have a daughter in a way I didn't want her to go through anything that maybe I had gone through I don't know there are some things I'm I'm nervous about normal things like having running around you know without anything on which is completely normal at a young age at a toddler age and all that stuff but I'm going to struggle with a lot of things while Emily looks to the Future Maya will face her path to gain closure and it was behind that that window there that was my bedroom [Music] for the last two decades Natasha has had her own unique way of dealing with the sexual abuse she suffered at the hands of her father I started kickboxing when I was eight years old and it was absolutely vital helping me get through childhood it's clear now why I became so obsessed and addicted to kickboxing as a release it was something that could stay consistent something that I'm in control of Jag has been Natasha's kickboxing coach for 20 years [Music] do you remember when I first came out and told you what happened to me when I was like 17 18. one of the first things he said to me was that you'd never seen a girl a young girl like punch that hard do you remember yeah at the time at the time from the age of eight till you actually told me I just thought you were naturally talented you know we do get people that come here some of great and some are not and someone got natural talent I just thought oh this was a little diamond in the rough and you know she's just got everything we need to become a brilliant kickboxer but I didn't realize at the time that you're actually channeling all this you're hiding and masking everything and using it remember I always said to you attached turn that switch on and every time I say that your turn the switch on and it's like you just had this focus and goal and you just won't give up just any moment where things weren't going so well first thing I would say to get me a fight yeah and when things are going well that's not the first thing in my mind I'll just I'll just cruise through life it was that fight you got inside yourself you're just taking all that built up aggression and you're channeling it whichever way whether you're fighting in a room or training that was your focus you know I mean I always says turn that switch on but I never knew where that switch was because to me you were just normal you always normal always smiling always happy you know Jag my coach became a father figure to me he is the one constant I've had from when I was eight all the way till now you know he was there at the court case and and I looked up to him immediately he was everything to me and he still is I think you do need to realize that like and it's weird says I don't actually think I'd be here I really don't if if this gym didn't exist I know you're getting all soft all good [Music] in Essex Maya has returned to her childhood home where her father had sexually abused her I've not been here for 10 15 years I'm feeling I wouldn't say vulnerable but feeling a little bit exposed I think a little bit uneasy because it's the first time that I've been back these are the guys we would always play out here this holds for me the memories of growing up having fun coming home from school desperate to get into the garage ears to hang out and cause a bit of Chaos have the neighbors calling out go and play somewhere else so this this area in particular is actually quite a quite a nice reminder it's actually quite nice to come back and and to reflect on that but there are very few happy memories of our old home that's the house yeah it's changed a little bit obviously they've upgraded it and it's not much nicer to how it used to be when I grew up there but yeah so that's that's the past that I grew up in and this is my what would be once upon a time was the square that we used to play out in it was behind that that window there that was my bedroom so yeah and it actually makes me quite angry I think more so now um being able to reflect back on on the Innocence that a child was behind that window and there was so much silence and nobody would know what was going on there my father would always tell me that he loved me too much and the too much part was that he couldn't keep his hands off me oh it's cold it feels quite claustrophobic in here actually yeah I think the the imagination has played a big part over the years because it just felt like it was so much a bigger place and a bigger area but it's very very small very small it was absolutely unbelievable to imagine really how I've survived any of it you know it's hard enough as a child to to connect the mind and the body when you're going through abuse because you have to go into survival mode it just it just goes beyond I think comprehensive comprehension it really does foreign it does feel like a healing process and it feels like a part of the closure I think that I've needed to return back into a place that held a lot of fear held a lot of power and control over me as a person I used to be quite anxious about coming here but as I stand here in this exact place there's I don't feel anxious about it at all [Music] for Natasha talking to her mum about how her father sexually abused her has been an important step the chat that I had with my mum it lifted away off my shoulders and it was almost like there's been a 20-year build up to this moment and yeah it was much needed it was liberating that's that's the word for it it was liberating for both of us [Music] when I think about the future now it's about empowering anyone I can come across anyone that opens up to me and showing what it means to be a person who has endured child sex abuse it does not mean the end you're not forever tainted so the future for me is is bright and I'm looking forward to it [Music] the future is also bright for Emily six weeks ago she gave birth to her son Percy long road delivery you go through all of that but then you completely forget about it as soon as you see becoming a mum was amazing completely changes you in in like one night you go from a child to an adult but it's probably the best thing ever easily the best thing ever you're too strong for your age okay telling my story and telling my mum right at the start even though I wasn't going to my life would be so different now and I probably wouldn't even have him probably wouldn't have met Barney probably would have just behaved completely differently okay I need a big burp come on come on hey think of anyone looks at him funny goes near him or just harms the hair on his head they'll love me to do it very protective I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing but he's you know because of everything that happened to me it's special in his mind I need to look after him foreign [Music]

Channel: Mayameen Meftahi BEM

Views: 326,527

Keywords: child sexual abuse, child sexual exploitation, survivors stories, maya meftahi, child victims, grooming, CSA, CSE

Id: RAcW0USThXw

Length: 44min 57sec (2697 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 12 2022