MST3K: The Robot Vs. The Aztec Mummy (FULL MOVIE)

in the not too distant future next Sunday ad there was a guy named Joel nothing different than you owe me his Moloch institute just another face in red jumpsuit you get a good job cleaning up the place [Music] [Music] and other science it's just the show I think this is going to be it this is my year you see that every year we go of a mad scientist convention ah but this year is different they laughed when I made the more painful mousetrap but my entrance into the mad scientist competition is going to make me famous infamous are that too that they promise me if you lose the contest this year you're not gonna blow up the whole convention center again I only did that once Oh huh okay twice twice it was pretty times the third time I used the incendiaries and it didn't actually make the building blow up it just made it burn really quickly god that was beautiful wasn't it okay I'll give you that oh it's time to call Joel now the experiment has to start right right I know that come in Joleen you free floating space ferret well sirs I'm ready for this week's invention exchange you know how they have airbags for cars but they haven't invented anything yet for us motorcyclists so I came up with this the airbag helmet what do you think oh great get Relf nader on the phone and then call gary busey isn't her turn now yes okay this is our invention for this week it's called the Chuck man yes we're entering this in the mad scientist competition this year we have other choices but this is the one we're going with this is very strong all right okay you throwing a party it's 3:00 a.m. and none of the guests are leaving that's when you bring out the chalk man yes is every self-respecting scientist knows the sound of human fingernails on a chalkboard is most annoying it's the primal fear response in all mammals much like a chimpanzee screwing across the plains of the Serengeti in fear simply put your chalk man on the platen now this is a real chalkboard side b side b excellent and just you'll notice the tonearm has real human fingernails embedded in the hand now place it on the platen Oh open it now stay close it see leave open it don't stay close it now leave open it stay and so on and so on and so on well what do you think of that Joel Meister Wow it's really annoying thank you all right so what's this week's experiment it's called the robot versus the Aztec mummy and it's almost as annoying as this chalk man here yes but first we're going to scour your palate with a little cinematic science fiction sorbet it's an old cereal called commando Cody in the rocket men from the moon ah be careful Larry I've installed a new security system here in deep 13 so be careful which buttons you push on the panel I need okay how does it work oh well stand over there on that mark and pretend you're from accounting okay you mean this mark here yes Hey interesting here's your movie Joe I'm getting too heavy a republic cereal yeah never heard of cereal before yeah light oh look its pumpkin boy no it's not that kind of cereal so means a weight thing no a movie that's in series what oh you'll catch on it's not a whole movie why would someone go and see part of a movie ah I don't know there's always a boring short my shorts are never boring thank you Tom is the music I was this poured cereal yes I think I may get it then he's the heavy can tell when the music swells up [Music] I guess it's in the chapter one Oklahoma 1934 the oil fields are ablaze [Music] Hey look there's a sailor pennies big step blowing up everywhere maybe it's a fire sale no petition against tax law the continued wave of death-dealing explosion struck yesterday at area defense headquarters as in previous occasions the authorities are unable to detect the cause of these blasts which have done by mix and range well professor Tom Collins although our several theories Joan but so far no one is even sure what kind of explosives are being used or how they set off maybe mr. Henderson will have some information for us when he gets in from Washington that guy Henderson wouldn't tell you what time it is just what is his job anyway he doesn't have a wire but it's a big one he only answers to a few people in this country of ours I think they're all named Sue hello mr. Henderson hello commander drivers are dead miss Gilbert how are you getting along with the rocket ship as well as can be expected sir our test with the model is satisfactory if the government will let us make a few test flights with the rock it's out of the question this whole project strictly top-secret since you people develop the rocket ship for us and we'll be the ones operating it it has been decided that you should know more of our plans sure nice rise to tell you this much its primary use will be to combat this wave of sabotage and destruction of our defense system the government knows what's causing it yeah then read the papers dammit Tesla the record show that the explosions are of atomic origin you mean someone's dropping atomic bombs on us not bombs no planes have been observed in the explosions on severe enough no from what I've learned with the nature of the blast they see more like an atomic ray of some kind of course that's just a guess it's the same guess that we've made because it's the only possible answer but no one has ever been able to make an atomic ray machine you mean no one on earth ever has ooh say this rocket we're building will be able to fly to the moon maybe someone up theirs built one that could get down here we believe that possible and for some time our astronomers have been noticing an unusual amount of atomic activity on the moon isn't any amount of our time like activity on the moon unusual tummy blasts on the earth the two known facts fit together yes adds up look at those shoes why you want us to fly to the moon yes when you get to the moon find out if these attacks are actually coming from there and bring back to the team some plan for stopping them in the meantime will do we can with these attacks here is your Iong suit still working no need to be let out you may ask you to use it if a ray gun is being used to cause these blasts it's probably being operated from the ground and if you could get to the scene of the attack soon enough you might be able to find some clue to the attackers I'll be glad to try good or if we find out what time it is nation about another attack alright sir good bye [Music] it's a train alright whoa feels good donut my shooting Lionel that troop train Buell Thanks Tyco alright I'll get out there right away so you get me here with a flying suit Ted you're gonna wear that tie to fly in the valley a rancher report a saw a truck parked in a hill overlooking the tracks it's two men in it working some kind of a gun they pulled out right after the wreck and headed toward current Hills Anderson's office gave a description of the trucks and I'm going out to look for I suppose you'll be wanting this yes I'll take the gun - I may need it good look pumpkin boy take your protein pills and put your helmet on Wilo hello window boy that was close [Music] the captain has turned off the no screaming sign can't we just get me the watch looks like an atomic nose hair clipper [Music] [Music] why did they hate drain so much it's not so much that they hate transit hey what they stand for oh that clears everything up [Music] going down Jane stop this crazy thing [Music] I think he's got to take a leak luckily they won't see him he was cleverly disguised as a Hershey's kiss I think he's just drawn attention to himself why don't they shoot with the Raygun well because even back then in the movies even the crooks had a sense of fair play Tom servo okay it's a serial duel got a movie right a serial ray gun what else can we do well you could take the truck yeah much better to run to the desert on foot with no provisions or anything can eat your garden hey matches my helmet and everything all I need is a spark master playset I've done a loss at the ray gun is not too serious I brought sufficient equipment from the moon to build several of them but I do not care to have the earth people learn the secrets of our weapons from the description you gave me of your attackers costume it must have been commando Cody in his flying suit her trash can hurt it will probably take our ray gun to his laboratory for examination so you must go there at once and recover the atomic chamber from the Raygun that's a large order Krug we hired out to work your ray gun this business you're hired to do anything that I may consider necessary to pave the way for our invasion from the moon you're being well paid for your work so do as you're ordered yeah well paid but in moon rocks maybe we can afford one of your suits [Music] and this looks like the right door is working on this gun going to hold up finishing the rocket ship maybe I'll just give it a quick examination and then turn it over to the authorities we'll still be able to take off for the moon next Wednesday [Music] oh I hate to shoot a butt like that take it easy and you won't get hurt boom back that's exactly what my aerobics instructor said rabbit yeehaw with things scientists are such good fighters yes I just forces hired thugs geeks and thugs you gotta love it [Music] where they're using a lot of breakaway chairs oh I thought that was a loose stool [Music] this is for Louie pass here [Music] it's fall excuse me may I cut in another blow for science one two three strikes you're out of the routine twenty-seven and don't try to follow us tell your friends yeah they left the red goat yeah but they took the batteries I didn't know Jackie Gleason was in this [Music] they're in the middle of a giant chess game hmm fresh ground pepper ready look like a pepper now you see ya getting mmm I'm fluffy hard inside man crowd a rocket ship is leaving here in five days to investigate our moon I did not believe the earth men possessed a ship capable of making the journey I just learned about it myself but I'm sure my information is correct stop counting into a shoe before us we will be prepared to take will its job right and don't forget the cheese and speaking of cheese oh how I love him they're gonna launch from a miniature golf course define if they clear the windmill I still think this is no trip for a woman now don't start that again you'll be very glad to have someone along who can cook your meals I'll say we will don't give her any yeah pretty soon I'll be able to vote I like me too nice ensemble anyway are the dicks coming with us uh no we call them police officers now dear oh I didn't know I can't even vote well the best of luck to all of you sir hope this thing works alright totally good bye bison will just wait back here where it's safe by the thrusters hi folks hello Hank all set all warmed up we can take off right now that isn't the ship we'll stand up the tests we made with the model I think you will now let's go [Music] safety belts fastened they're sitting in office chairs fire pilot jets make sure you have your staple leave back to simulate g-forces everyone good in case of an emergency your office chair becomes a flotation device [Music] what will you darling no we were moving believe it or not we are a lot of miles per minute she's living up to the test we made is that a cost for the moon right a lot of miles a minute here file this I'm going to the washroom here sit in my seat I want to play with your stuff hey triple word score hey this is a contraction you can't - eight you know I can make it in half the time of itis straight edge [Music] curious sunny in space just about here halfway on the compass looks like R on the right track we ought to be down into the two hours hope they have a Hojo's [Music] there's a city just ahead [Music] where do we sit down let's take her back in those hills where we can find a place to hide the ship and I'll fly over the city in the rocket sir okay yeah a guy in a leather jacket with his bought on fire I'll never notice that [Music] settle down my champion certain we land the ship first yeah the moon looks just like your zoning you guys love it really no he said No [Music] here let me help you cut credit one small step for man one giant leap for I [Music] must go through a lot of pants it's either ancient Greece or Vegas Caesars world look well this looks to be a wall I'll go this way you are going in the right direction earth man other numerator the first door you come to turn that back roll the door will open cold open click on the moon they get the one inside it's okay [Music] first floor lingerie ready-to-wear notions toupees Moon Man three paise I am Oricon this is my brother Zenon and my other brother Zenon welcome commando Cody I am retic ruler of the moon apparently you are expecting me of course for many years our radio has kept us informed of events on earth and my men there have advised me of your every move I've left you fired at our language yes all our people are required to speak English so we can operate more efficiently in your country and wear underwear on our heads I'm telling you why your men are carrying out that campaign of destruction on earth it's an election year oh they are merely softening up your defences for our impending invasion why do you want to invade the earth cause the atmosphere on the moon has become so thin and dry it is impossible for us to raise food except in pressurized greenhouses get a little far side without helmets so we are planning a mass migration to your world find that conquering the earth isn't so simple unless you bring tree will it be because of our atomic weapons on the moon we have an element Lunarian which is far superior to uranium as a base for atomic reactions and we can completely control the force of these reactions enabling us to build atomic weapons ranging from huge cannon to these small ray pistols wish we had one of them doomsday machines [Music] it's very considered of you to give me all this information who deserves some reward for your long journey but unfortunately I cannot permit you to return to Earth with it why have we party about that he lured space pansy oh I thought that was a smoke detector so much for the effectiveness of your weapons now I will demonstrate one of ours boredom not the Peppermill [Music] you can see there are more advanced civilization their furniture doesn't bring Wow it tips over but doesn't break wait hold still wait no not him I love him [Music] knows about him huh that would be wrong I've gotta shoot someone [Music] Oh No beautiful my favorite that was my aunt's face we better get out of here I can't stand it oh I can't stand it too heavy for this [Music] you oh I think I know what's wrong cambot follow me over here look at them they're bunching seem like a bunch of Diamond Dogs what our diamond dog well they're like chihuahuas but without any flesh and it looks like they're quartering the ship all the way back we got a cup of problems Joe what are they crow well first they're covering the ship they're gonna weigh us down our orbits gonna start to decay and they'll enter Earth's atmosphere in a burnout crispy critter hey what's number two well as puppy's dough with no flesh they got like zero kind of factor we got to get them off the ship that's all there is to it I need a man volunteer somebody to go out there and show Mom oh I think the choice is obvious who's got the mighty voice the dogs can't say no to wrong dream yeah I was thinking I said who's got the mighty voice who dogs can't you to tell us all right okay who's wicked awesome flag you know who's the human who can't breathe in space and get dogs off the ship hi sir all right okay who's bad Tom says who's bad all right I'm bad now give me a rolled-up newspaper no bother to shut the door I'll be right back keep my dinner warm boy I'm glad he's going out there Joe I can't even look at a place that the plate of spare ribs without getting woozy eh I don't worry about a crow let's just watch the monitor see what happens okay puppy party's over everybody off this is Tom servo your worst doggy nightmare don't get me mad I don't think you'd like me when I'm mad oh wait stop it put your legs down Oh icky caca well let me in oh geez next time I'll rub your faces in it ah sir well what happened well Joe there's only one way to put it they disgraced themselves on me I feel so dirty Oh an effective your looks any just gives me the willies oh why would anyone want to do that the lovable old Creech observe oh well Tom listen there's been something I've been dreading telling you since the date of your creation when you were still on the drawing board I based your plans on a firepower dog oh man you can look me in the bubble and tell me that I'm a public utility it's over I'm gonna go hose off [Music] we get rid of those demon dogs this is the future presentation cast Anita I didn't know this was gonna be a music oh poor game mom dragon he must be playing the monster no I it's the mummy robot yeah yeah Aztec mummy Alfred Salazar he's a boxer out of youth God I do think Hosea I always the inventor of that cream sandwich though Oh [Music] when in Mexico visit lessers to the earth but don't drink the water this movie is the producers answer to montezuma's revenge when in Coral Gables Florida visits Sound Lab Inc and visit our glass bottom boats what in San Fernando visit manuel and tickle his belly tickle his belly he'll shake his leg for you nice title card painting don't you think what is that kind of a mummy mom mommy also taken minutes mr. mummy human mind penetrate the mysteries of the great beyond 13 feet 4 inches 19 2011 is based upon an extraordinary experiment carried out by doctors shoes and Tunie turning the universe Francis knows there is no doubt as to its authenticity except for our own dahlias people participating in the experiment sworn to by a notary public preclude the possibility of any fraud this picture is a combination of factual data mixed with fiction sort of like the iran-contra affair Mexico this is the city my name is Friday I carry a badge I don't need no stinking badge this is a real car the people however are fictional they're acting however is bad real you load real slow too these are two guys with hats I'm coming just a minute hold on do shorts I'm coming my legs are old my teeth are gray don't leave I'm coming good evening good evening good evening good evening good evening young India's dr. Esther what a pleasure to have dr. Kildare dr. Scholl dr. Lee well very well thank you and you the same old Labor's always working trying to find new ways to help patients die painlessly funny leave don't joke but won't you come in my husband is in there waiting for you home this evening it's no trouble doc we're delighted who'd complain at having the opportunity of visiting with such a beautiful young lady as a wife flora flatterer there's no way you won't be far behind doctor please sit down John thank you hey not everybody sit with her spread out go Floyd gets the comfy chair Esther I've taken the liberty of calling you here because I think it's time I reveal something very serious let's hear it then my underwear is 100 years old about the Aztec breastplate and the bracelet general how's that that's what the man at night and gold thing was forgotten long ago it's a closed book doctor that's exactly what I thought too but things have happened lately that I think you two should know about my friends be patient and allow me to tell you a story we can all all you already know part of the history there are some things that you ignore like you I think the best thing to do is to begin at the beginning I think that's begin doubles revolve you not that occasion years ago five to be exact when we held a convention on psychiatry in this city I attended and gave a talk on the results of my studies related to the regression of a patient to a past life through the use of hypnosis my theory was greeted with amazement and incredulity should I open with a joke among others attending that day were you dr. Floyd the barber and you dr. Diaz of course sincerely Ford dr. Krupp the evil judge Roberts all subject to ridicule and I left a convention bitter and defeated same is our ways I got to the house unsure of his ideas I'd been scrubbed but I just couldn't accept the other opinions of my fear and squelch straw I was sure they could be proven that night flora offered to undergo a hypnotic test she became the father of our little house point of the experiment hey it's Betsy why she got listed by her father and cameo i hypnotized her during her past life Laura had lived among the great peoples of the Aztec she told us such strange things amazing things naughty things my back in those ancient years her name had been Sochi she was deeply in love with a brave and highborn warrior called the Polka they had a menage Ferhat to reason so they decided to run away even though it was her sacred duty to preserve her maidenhood and be sacrificed to the god to Catholic open the god of decapitate is covered by the tribal priests they're prepared hearty soups and broths and for some other guests for they truly knew how to handle a hungry man this is chicken noodle soup that I let steep all day in the Sun it's like Sun tea better than borscht yeah for good health see mommy's drinking it mmm nom nom nom nom nom open up here's the steam shovel hot hot like a hot steam shovel did she going in the morning as punishment the warrior was buried alive and an eternal curse was placed upon him then things got bad then son fear master of the paddle flute played didn't last long as part of her punishment she was submitted to the dreaded binocular joke then Ethel Merman opened with a song oh this is horrible [Music] and I like fingers on a chalkboard [Music] that's better killing the chrome off my body buzz Oh lark oh goodness that's appropriate all state representative he's stone ceremony lasted well into the night what a party I've got rhythm in my diodes let's see now what can we do with her hair well we could give her a swing and Bob or oh she's scheduled to die just give her a blow drying her rinse it doesn't seem fair that they tease her hair right before she's killed she zigs always but this is gotta be one of the most boring rides at Disneyland Aztecs of the Caribbean how low will she go then she was bent at the waist hey watch her hand buddy kind of looks like dirty dancing I've reached the end of my life waiting for the time to fall look it's the Jets Martin Macau India weakened me by the corniche what's he saying he's saying live fast die young and leave a good-looking corpse that was years before James Dean even exist as ot she was adorned with the bracelet and a breastplate which were engraved with hieroglyphics indicating where the Aztec treasure was hidden then they cut out her heart but as she began to regain consciousness in the exact moment I came to the end of my little experiment she struggled and began to shout well I had a terrible attack of some kind and her blood pressure dropped to such an extent that we were afraid she might die but a couple of weeks later we discovered it dr. Krupp a man who had suddenly become a dangerous criminal in the underworld had been there spying during my experiment [Music] the experiment had been a complete success but since we realize that no one would believe us unless we can come up with absolute proof we decided to search a nefarious past play couldn't wait to show them my bumper pool table and my fine selection of jams and jellies an accomplice that I had laid after a mid of tio2 Bock flora our guide was tied to my way so we wouldn't be separated why Floyd brought the beaver I don't know oh my there's a light we're thinking of expanding this whole thing making a rumpus room for our rumpus and speaking of rhombuses there's flora foot left foot right left right ah we'll have this blocking down in no time suddenly there was my six sided bumper pool table I think a swag lamp here and a beaded curtain would really brighten the place up once a jolly swag glam tweeted by the Billabong [Music] there was donan eyeing it we were walking in a circle professor I think we're up against a dead end it can't be possible the Aztecs wouldn't build a secret passageway just to have it end up for no rhyme or reason not the akane Aztecs you're used to dealing with it's a call to sack buzzard it sounds hollow we'll stop knocking at my head but it's so thick that it's senseless to try to break through my head or the wall I'll push pink eight humming and please not that hand you're clean here oh my was your clean hand help crash so come on we jarred it open go ahead Beave it's the same set we were on before it's the Phantom of the Opera House this must be a little room beneath the pyramid good but I know it isn't the temple look what I found come here a laundry chute what is it it looks like a well well I think it's an air shaft but undoubtedly it will lead us somewhere probably to the temple maybe the air well then what are we waiting for no doubt it will advance the plot come on thin as it is women children first I'll stand here and hold the flashlight remarkable it was the neighbors basement once again I could use their VHS without them knowing we shoved everybody through the little hole after descending several flights of stairs we suddenly encountered the hair-raising face of the god key catholic oppa we had reached the lower temple and the Aztec tomb that floor I had mentioned and the lighting was good to shoot a scene here lights please there he came across the skeleton of what had once spin Sochi on buffalo chicken wing solid gold breastplate oh gee this is horrible to think I received but are you now you know we're the first persons to break in here the other people used the door the world that slumbered all these years and begins to awaken now we'd found what we wanted so bad the sump pump no Edward don't do it do it head we're doing there's a Tootsie Pop still in his mouth let's go jack lasts a long time the head should really screw right off this'll look swell in my office [Music] now at left I'll be able to demonstrate this to my colleagues and prove my theory it's simply amazing simply just a few day after I got the breast plate I asked you all here including dr. Krupp as you'll recall certainly I'd say that it was the greatest experience of my life in mind - me too you must also recall that I study the breast plate and that I try to decipher hieroglyphics and see what they meant since I knew that the message would tell how to find that hidden treasure yes but I remember you're telling her that you also needed the bracelet exactly doctor one object complimented the other their odds I said it was simply impossible to decipher the code so I decided to go back for it in spite of the Aztec curse that surrounded it he who defiles a tomb of the Aztecs and finds the sacred plate will run the risk of death and his family as well until the breastplate is replaced and did Big Boy what is he Rod McKuen why my good friend dr. ping Kate so once again the three of us got together and returned to the - this time loaded out of our minds we reached there and I was just about to pick up the bracelet my father-in-law stumbled on something and calls my attention to it ow look here I stumbled on something it's my foot it's attached at the bottom of my ankle boy will we drunk it's an Aztec IUD look there doesn't that grave belong to polka yes according to the legend it does in that case where is he no it was Scatman Crothers hey this one says flush twice the cafeteria is a long way off what gosh I can't you said we were the first ones here hey zip up man someone's coming when you're distrain shuffling north and my hotels and then out of the darkness appeared a ghastly and terrifying polka the Aztec warrior had come back to life come back to life to retrieve the objects that had been left in his care for eternity parrot boy ice that's been altered and alone only ethnic mummy turn them off again lights again it's a flourish Oh lovely singing boys this guy's got a big career in show biz that really hurt now juggling is not in his routine ah okay guys helm ease giving me a Snuggie a triple wedgie from a mummy widely from I time had come if it hadn't been for my friends I'd have been torn to pieces it's incredible a mummy comes back to life after hundreds of years in a Sepulchre dr. Diaz you have my word of honor that the story I have been telling is the truth okay mix with a little fiction Palka okay why my brother I was punished because he loved Young Sochi his curse was to guard the priceless bracelet as well as the golden breastplate to do so for all eternity or a hundred thousand miles whatever the King prefers his poor soul would never find repose continued Edward well a bet on many occasions I realized otter these objects were found let's climb past ready to mop and write I thought the whole business had been forgotten but I found that the Aztec curse still followed us one night The Mummy came to this house to get his treasure pieces and he kidnapped flora [Music] oh man I don't think I can handle the sound of those dogs barking anymore at least the theater sawn through too bad they might drowned out the sound of that big dog on a film what is it Tom servo I think yeah so I think one of those demon dogs do the shave and a haircut knock at the back door what is it fella I think he's trying to tell us something dad he's trapped under a rock down a dead Rock Canyon patronizing me you and open this door a little bit okay come on in here a box why not Clint not on the furniture that's not good I'm King and charismatic leader of the dog people cute we have traveled many parsecs to create to the giant bone and duck maybe give a taste giant dog bone yes but we did not know the bone would be inhabited so I think the bone they're talking about is our ship hey cambot put the schematic drawing of the satellite of love the 2525 up on screen I think it's under 25 27 your fire looks exactly like a giant dog not just any bone but the sacred nylon chew toy written up by the Holy Rudd Weatherwax ruddy wither Joan Embery our intention was to bury you on the far side of the Moon but now we'll have to change our plans well listen you got to get your followers off our ship there's so many of them and they're multiplying at such an alarming rate that we're gonna go into the Earth's atmosphere and explode and then you'll be had hey hey come on he's on to me a problem it might say no the dogs will leave but they will obey me and only me first let us exchange pleasantries then we will break trend from a dish on the floor boy oh god listen he hasn't even met everybody you probably ought well except for Tom serve all right hey watch it pal you're looking at 100% crime cut America robotic male I don't party with puppies I'm out of here no well my name is Joel and I'm from the plan earth where I come from dogs are man's best friend you're kidding yeah it's true and you met crow over here shake great shake I don't like that bird sit but now I'll explain how to rid your ship up a dog oh you wait a minute you haven't met gypsy yet this is Jesse Oh gypsy no gypsy no come on oh hell no we're cool way to go he tied her to the sacrum and store the skeleton of Sochi had leaned for centuries their entire sleeping floor around the altar stone hey obviously the money intended to make history repeat itself he was going to cut out Flora's heart and offer it to the God to cut like OPA the three of us rushed to the pyramid to try to rescue floor and we stood transfixed for a moment at the scene we saw the mummy was standing next to the stone he was holding a knife high in his right hand I jumped the floor luckily was able to hit the blade in the bullet go it lunged at me and its enormous hands got hold of my throat right was leading me rapidly when Flora's father suddenly held a cross up in front of its face to God because he was Jewish the mummy at bay while we freed flora in a frenzy we untied her and got her away from the stone then the professor ordered us to get her out of the pyramid all of the fearwood his tone was so adamant and I was so concerned for Flora's safety that we obeyed him blindly but when we got out I realized that he hadn't followed us it was Al complained God Oh what about ope in that very instant a tremendous explosion shook the pyramids the explosion the professor had given up his life in order to save ours and his career he had stayed under tons of boulders and the bat had been sent to prison of course we got the whole business had come to an end but it didn't happen that were you bad the bat who is really the infamous dr. Krupp oh he broke out of jail in his mad determination to get my treasure he kidnapped my daughter and flora and then hypnotized her do tell us arrest my friend then what happened in this state she took the doctor to the Aztec tomb he immediately located the mummy taking the breastplate in the bracelet well Krupp called me on the phone not too much later I was ordered to go there and decipher the hieroglyphics to enable the demon to locate the treasure and you agreed can't you see that I had to obey to save my wife would been kidnapped by the doctor then my little girl but there's another thing that you should know he needed the Aztec treasure for a spot on his wall in the restroom fantastic treasure to work on an experiment he also said that the experiment of course was costly now you know how I was forced to do it I went to crupp's laboratory and began to decipher the hieroglyphics tens of those criminals lives were in grave danger our only hope was that the mummy guided by unknown forces would be able to find dr. crupp's hideout just the way he'd found my house on a previous occasion he could call him for me trying to thing out as much as possible but the moment arrived when I could stall no longer I finished that's fine that's II hope you leave the plateau oh hey this'll never work oh yeah you know what to do now don't you Bruno start a victory garden have a bake sale support Radio Free Europe collection any things buy bonds where you work or bank get a gun good gun that's a good thing he always research the violence just what are you going to do murderers what oh I'm going to kill you you want to school kill us pig so now you're gonna get it Boyd's punch right off they keep shooting Bruno it's gonna work really beautiful oops right where it hurts on the floor he's wearing a smoking jacket you guys I'm out there's some furniture in list I saved the beaver I saved flora [Music] look out come on babe let's go check this out [Music] they seem stunned Oh doctor help me catch you here oh yeah you're first our list of people to help realize - the criminals were and settle accounts with then when he saw the doctor trying to escape him up like a rag doll and threw him into a pit full of Rattlers every good laboratory has a pit full of Rattlers would that be a bad touch yeah I think so we were tired but it was a good kind of tired mummys done cleaning afterwards with the breastplate in the bracelet in his hand he slowly shuttled away into the darkness and soon was lost from sight I'll never forget the strong affection I had for Flora's father such a kind man's intelligent advice brought about our salvation and the mummy went back to the pyramid no he had tea nights at the Copa the expressroid his temple he had no reason to go there in that case can't you tell us where he is permit me to continue hey it's your magic happenings couldn't go unattended so I went to the police and they heard the whole story then I returned to Krupps hideout company by the Chief of Police and a couple of his men we can imagine our surprise when we discovered the place was completely empty except for all this garbage the laboratory had been dismantled and the bodies of the criminals that the mummy had killed had also disappeared they were dismantled as well continuing our search we hurried to the snake pit I was awestruck when I realized that the body of dr. Krupp was no longer down there oh yeah we discovered that there was a small door in the back wall of the pit through which the doctor could have escaped he was such a large man how could he obviously the doctor had escaped and strangely I don't think he'd been bitten the man's running loose so that would mean that the doctor kept trying to come by those articles so that he could locate the treasure you're right my friend he did just that he began to bother us a couple of weeks later it happened quite suddenly you see one dark night this is the house do you really think this plan of yours is gonna work doc you'll see I want you to be quiet keep still and don't make the slightest noise using carrots peas and carrots are come to my side Laura I command you think humming Teleflora flora I command you to come to me use the doorbell doorknob flora are you listening come here to me she's speaking into his glove must be a party line 9 7 6 flora stand up wear something sheer put on Onofre do not try to fight it come here notice you never actually see her get dressed open the door this time don't walk through it [Music] good girl well done that'll save some repair work hey close it all the way you're born in a barn do not try to fight it - come here step step step kick step kick right left right okay it's all flat from here flora oh she's not falling for it No she's no pushover loud clock and kettledrum flora are you listening I command you to come to me I'm coming I'm coming you ought to do as I command come here digging for gold Bruno okay crudo would you pass him from the car honk really loud love me and my deformed friend you can hear the ways that are being sent out by that mummy can you knock down the guy because you're able to lead us to him yes I can then tell us where is cap oka the beer barrel polka in the ancient cemetery come with me the ancient cemetery denominational meanwhile in the ancient cemetery they were looking for the mummy but first let's kick over some gravestones you know he that would make another excellent miniature golf course like the other movie each hole would be deadly that last step is a doozy low overhead but grave consequences nice sorry I'll shut you off don't do it come on brew now keep up and stop picking your nose look Peter Graves who's buried in Peters grave James Arness what are you doing here that's me what are you doing here we're hitting people come must have been a disposable cart dressed hurry shuffle shuffle step step step no need to hurry the plot will support all of this so always lowness tigers and bears oh my lies and tigers and bears oh my lions and tigers and bears oh my [Music] see this will be our new home you'll see they'll be you and me and Bruno makes three and my little deformed friend Max points tell him Sam sent you trying to wake the dead it's open please carry her across the threshold tram glad flora wore her phosphorescent dress don't you know that's the curse the money mummy crow curse of the mummy yeah it's being it not being able to dress when you rob a grave I need that I've had this dream before I'm in my pajamas I'm in a crypt I'm being chased by a big banana oh man his face looks like cottage cheese it looks like a diet plate you stinky devil oh I'd like to chop you rotten flesh to pieces Bruno stop letting hate run your life great to do so who's he's hiding the face not impossible now his agent I thought to make my experiment so we must wait wait wait when I got so much hate eating down deep inside of my guts you ain't got no idea what it is to lick my homie man look like a plastic you knew his face just because of that's stinking monster your car's got a three-day reign Berto I promise you that he'll be destroyed but give me time just a little time it won't be too long before you can have your revenge let me get the breastplate first the bracelet looks like it's scabbed over nicely and yet so far because I can't touch them there's too dangerous to do it you wake up in an instant and destroy us sounds okay to me but I'll get him back I swear it no matter how long it takes me you did it mummy he looks like mr. French Lord come on we better go now we'll be needing a lot of time if the plan I have is going to work out anything you say can and will be used against you can't Laura Wow a lot of good acting in that scene Joe what was the point of this little little scene here I don't know I think they're just taking out a location to come and shoot here later when they had something meaningful to do now you know I really dig you hug I call you again think you'll kiss her now or wait till he gets to the door it's always better policy to kiss on the steps or by the car or under time or on the mouth you go up to your room then you'll go to sleep and when you awaken you'll act quite normally you will be refreshed and invigorated you understand you won't recall a thing now walk like an Egyptian go on Bruno do that thing with the car horn again I love that bit huh she calls for it everything [Music] [Music] done this scene before only at night I feel pretty well good morning sweetheart you must have been very tired we were waiting down here to have breakfast with you we could both eat a horse eggs like always nothing for me Maria I have a terrible headache dear what's that you've got on your gown it's all dirty looks like dead dried flesh you've been down in the cellar no sweetheart I don't know but look at your slippers they're all muddy and you pitted out your gown on what have you been up to just cavorting with mummies all night funny these are new slippers I just bought them and now they're dirty and so are you went out last night no after I took my bath I went to bed because I was tired yes but you got up later on didn't you I did who's the kid no yes because I've woke up a couple of times then you were not in bed no you're mistaken darling I assure you I didn't get out of there you went out last night Oh mom come on let's forget the whole thing for now alright Lord looks couldn't few members she has a great imagination tell me as your headache passed no I'm going to lie down for a while excuse me please and I don't like the smell of this conversation your children go out and have your breakfast yes Daddy come on for Kate I want to talk to you oh boy what a liar you are you shut your big mouth you're the liar you can't even act yourself out of a paper bag you'll never work in Coral Gables again I'm very worried this attitude that we've observed in flora is not normal what's more I'm afraid that the bat has something to do with this maybe she should choke up out of the illusion hood was telling the truth about it and that her mother got up and went out yes it's quite probable but flora insisted she didn't leave her bed for a second because she can't recall anything when she got up last night she was sleeping I don't understand it it seems impossible I'll tell you what I think she was hypnotized and could be under post hypnotic suggestion so it seems to me that the bat controls her from a distance with sonar it's logical what a sleuth there's strange attitude in flora indicated that unscrupulous villain Krupp made her leave the house during the night but where did they go - can't you guess what he's trying to do no you certainly know what he's after the breastplate and besides that the bracelet and the snappy Coco Chanel pants didn't you think that she was made to go along with Krupp and he wanted her to guide him to find the mummy exactly and you and I must go there I'm going to find out if that scoundrel stole those objects but that'll be difficult you can't investigate without any clues Floyd's a great barber but not a very good detective yes new them are very good actors well that goes without saying he smoked he smokes very well though if the loving you is wrong I don't want to be right suppose we took her slippers to the laboratory to have that mud analyzed that could help us don't you think I can throw a kind of slippers there yes that might just be the solution we'll take them but I don't think she should find out we'd better do it all in secret yeah secret we'll get in disguise we'll be women yes now I'm quite sure it's embedded in the dirt their slippers it's a small quantity doctor but your suspicions are correct they're pieces of marble you're sure it's marble Margot can you identify its source this is that sorry right no it isn't but it's a fine quality glass ooh it might be a Carrara marble I can say that may be a pure is used in the construction of mausoleums as far as I know oh thank you she went out late at night and played marbles what could it mean [Music] meanwhile back at the other side fortunately it was still lit this is the last cemetery we've seen all the others if we don't find anything here we'd better forget about it hello there very good for tell me are you the watchman here yes anything I can do for ya yes we'd like to ask you a few questions we'd like to know if you've seen anything strange the last few weeks or more recently anything very suspicious in or around the cemetery pertaining to one of the graves just the film crew you from the police yes that's right my friends and we're after a very dangerous criminal whom we suspect has been hiding in one of the cemeteries around the city well if that is something pretty doggone curious did happen it's two nights ago I was surprised to run into a young woman here wearing a kind of white robe she seemed to be asleep and two men into the grounds with her it's not what I asked back is he one of the guys slugged me and they left me out cold I don't think I got the swell head then we'll be taking a look around the grounds you do anything you want anything you want you're the police don't touch him he's filthy you see I was right at last were on the trail now the tough part is yeah you're a light foot cuz we've got to walk around we find the mummy look we'd better separate now go that way pink cake I'll go separate but I love you Oh Dean don't Wow Wow Hey Oh scat and mommy and ball up very bad Oh Oh Dido ah lions and tigers in mrs. Norman shots love Nina hey oh oh beware all went wrong [Music] well Dean Dino where are you Wow Jerry sure well yeah I can't find it come on Jerry where come on say something to me boy Dean over here oh there yeah quit horsing around we got a mummy to pound come here what happened I'm better get out get out of here Wow ja that's dogs in it [Music] come on I just don't see it at all guys I think it'll work you're the only one of us women it looks a little bit like ena and now my brows are different I'm just no oh it's there I see it boy our demon oh I just bought a new boat I'm already starting to miss that old Enoch you know I almost cried when he left just like when Old Yeller got shot come on it'll be easy you go out there you see the demon dogs come on everybody let's go I'll be right behind you he ducked back in it's great advice coming from mr. fireplug hey you two listen if worst comes worse just tell them to settle I will of his giant chicken okay you look great now just go do the job all right look like Charlie remember all right quiet down quiet down I am Enoch I am your Lord and charismatic leader remember and hey what's the least law here hey hey hey curb your buddy over there oh god a warm feeling intro I think it went kind of well you know they were out of the palm of my hand till I ran out of treats and speaking of treats we'll be right back [Music] they're in the crypt even dogs everywhere do scaring me you gonna let stuff off your crow yes I did great idea look the breastplate the bracelet they didn't take it all this I've just told you occurred almost five years ago we visited the Crypt from time to time to take a look at the mummy with its breastplate in its bracelet - and the snappy Coco Chanel pen still around you know he disappeared from sight then just a couple of days ago we read an article that is very interesting we were profoundly surprised by it according to the article a couple of nights before a cadaver had been robbed from the amphitheater ambercadabra and the individual who did it was the bat of course yes in the beginning we had some doubts the man who had been attacked couldn't offer us a description of his assailants but later on our suspicions were confirmed with that yesterday there was a burglary in the radiology Institute the thieves took a machine that uses radium they also stole a brain out of a laboratory excellent this time the police were able to identify the crook sister bat and all his bad we're covering a plumber with house Falls there's are there any good clues doctor lead is the only metal capable of resisting radiation lead material in this city is handled by many wholesalers after visiting the first three of four they got to the right one good morning sir good morning what can I do for you gentlemen we're sorry to be a bother to you but is it just possible that lately you set out a large shipment of lead could you give me that information in the last two days or it could be a week more or less let me chair you maybe we keep a record of our shipments in this book why yes we sent a lead balloon to the writers of this film yes here it is exactly five days ago we made delivery of 20 plates of lead shielding four inches and width to number 22 shade Street to a man called the bat many thanks you're welcome I can't believe he told us we're investigating for days at last we got the address I think that bat had made his hide out there or his laboratory for his nest I don't see why this thieving dr. Krupp would go to the effort of stealing radio a complete human brain and also the body of some man he's not you recalled at the bat once told flora that he was working on a new experiment mm-hmm I think that is the explanation oh it's possible but there's no doubt that dr. Krupp and his criminals are planning to cause trouble that's what criminals do best now I'll tell you why I called you here tonight gentlemen because you both are scientists and we like touring start the situation just in case we end up being murdered you need to say you two are thinking of going there without taking the police along yes because you see we're still not sure that that's the bats laboratory and the police still don't have much faith in us because of what happened before you just need to check for bat droppings guano in case we're not back here at the house by 3:00 in the morning I'm leaving it up to you to call the police cell everything okay watch it watch it slides looks painful Betty Crocker test kitchens let's see one two three okay it forms three creamy layers no wait three layers a creamy layer a gelatinous layer it damn it I must find that formula [Music] pop rocks seem to be moving along nicely and those M&Ms are almost done oh my god he's torn apart the Michelin Man bit buddy it's us pull yourself together oh how horrible even slashed his spare please you two this looks like it was shot with the security camera of crater doctor Armada what a pleasant surprise Bruno no kitty Carlisle who do you think it is a souvenir of the mummy the boss is gonna be very happy to say hello to you two again come along this is the kind of film you won't put on pause when you leave the room it encourages you to go to get a sandwich and like TV repellent look what I found out in the front dr. Amato and his shadow this is a pleasant surprise gentlemen an eternal shadow face-to-face with such good friends exactly where did you find them out in the shop they're looking around I offer you my congratulations because you are magnificent detectives did anyone else come with them nobody else I saw them when they drew up in the automobile alone Bruno aren't you going to attend our guests the way they deserve go fetch chairs for the gentlemen sure right away the electric chairs tell me how's your beautiful and charming wife dr. Ramada I learned about your marriage and I admit it's a bit late to say it but receive my congratulations and take this toaster and fondue set as a gift how are you these days are you still the champion of right there's no doubt about it and I'm glad no I'm just a shadow come over here start the music they're playing musical chairs how horrible next I'll be pinning the tail on something who would have thought that you'd be here at the moment to witness this because you're about to see something that will astonish you truly unbelievable when you feast your eyes on this I don't doubt that you'll be amazed doctor and you'll be the first to congratulate me that it's a robot I'm happy that you came here to this bill sorry your man who is basically an intellectual and that's why you will be able to understand what you heard inside there basically an overeater I think you remember that time we met since then I work day and night without resting for a minute and during all that hectic time I explored powers that no one else knows all those great mysteries the very basis of creation then that means that you defy all the limits that were put down by God mmm marry certain secrets that we could explore and discover rapidly I'm just toying with God's law yes that's a shame that fear in pizza so dr. Amiya you're completely mad and ignorant also thank you every mad scientist has one of these speeches don't you respect me search at all don't you want to learn to know why--i body functions I do and at last I found the cause take a look at this heart that's beating it lives he lives in PO seeds because I gave it life and if I can give fight wasn't that very good really long why can't I give it to the bodies that are dead to death then why can't you give it to the Scribd no one could possibly imagine how I worked when I dug in the mud with his hands and engine tools i tortured many animals with leasure to find the answer remember any important push-me pull-you you're insane do you know ya decided to create a man a breathing body a real man and I have made that dream come true elegance human robot doctor look I am going to find out tonight I'm going to put it to the supreme test the Cosmo sex quiz I'll activate the creature but this is monstrous doctor if it lives then my triumph will be complete dr. Amara because I'll get the treasure and I'll be rich shut up this thing I created has enormous power and you'll watch it now that push but the robot the only thing diabolical about this guy is is acting doctor watch this that would make a really excellent miniature golf course the lie detector theme I just I don't know I'm so bad yeah I'm just seeing miniature golf course until Oh he's got the line mine please [Music] Rome at Scarface like both so I Robot dr. good shot of me Jimmy jumper cables in your car something it's not working 2:30 already don't you think it would be better to call the police now I don't know what to do no let's all wait if only die and respect the doctors worship holder in danger [Music] nothing Academy control the robot nobody's moving I think that's it - the tables moving the tables are better actor than anyone they're all made out of the same material wood somebody move laughs or something squeeze it out come on flight through it all robot [Music] JJJ he's so powerful I think that's all mrs. great doctor the greatest invention coffee maker it's not so great it doesn't have knees you can see it standing there you can see it standing there you can see it standing there a marvelous machine a tribute to the great intelligence of man a human robot with his shining preaching no human being on this earth can oppose me where the human robot there's a flaw right there do you know what could have happened to me bits of it are human had I not diminish the electric force the current that makes him move and that is contained in this apparatus with the slightest Floyd has stunned you too would have been converted into atomic dust instantaneously because the robot utilizes radium and has sufficient power to disintegrate anything in the world right it beats the mummy little prepare the special plates the lid will shoot my truck bring the good China I'm is flying tonight my robot has to make a visit you know it is certain cemetery rapid oil three high ten minutes to three I told you there's no time to lose pillow never commercial true I want to please it's urgent where are we love headquarters I want to talk to the chief of please farmer Amana huh Rick why what else hell they think about this a new kind of world an army of robots obeying me Hey look we got the point but this is great gotta go okay sheep obeying my orders a new theory that man is not dared imagine that would make you a shepherd I'll make some more maybe a thousand now that I know how the rest is easy oh you're too low go a million that treasure of the Aztecs that's why tonight The Mummy will give me what I want corn this I snapped a twig by you I think the whole branch came down and guard our distinguished friend they mustn't get away they're an extremely important cog in my plan great first I'm a shadow now I'm like ah get you along but you'd only get underfoot but our return rights got to take medicine every two hours can he go that I could destroy the mummy and with the gold breastplate and bracelet in my hands you'll begin once more to translate the hieroglyphs she's is he long-winded this Tiger helpless because no one knows you're here Oh dr. Hamada for Bruno's Rosales what's he gonna do he's good you can part dick York as the mummy no that's the robot off the robot sorry and I think it might be dick Sargent anyway I'm Milton your brand-new son put your right foot in you put your right foot down you do the Robie Pokey and you turn yourself about your head is filled with electrons it makes you want a show that's what it's all about okay right foot in I don't know buddy feed your the fun's over Oh or to the new place let's hurry I'm afraid for their life you're afraid for your lives I'm afraid for your career you call that a career you know I can't help but think that that robot would be excellent on a miniature golf course Stoppard looks like a coffee maker Krups coffee maker no no sorry this is Freddy can you do your slide voice Oh the robots very alright Floyd Floyd hey cut it out that's for Abby that's Robbie that's for goober oh oh wait my glasses wear my glasses where are my glasses they're on your face yeah oh great comic action poor bill miss Lenora what happened here chief you can arrest those two men they're in the other room come on doctor the vet has gone to the tomb where the money is let's hurry there's no time to lose what's that a man made out of ten hey guys guess who's history in this scene Juan Valdez bingo yeah use the robot I'll model eyes them [Music] let's see I'll put this on broil to decoy must have been a smoking jacket well immolation is the sincerest form of flattery I read that in a book [Music] hurry Bruno take the breastplate and bracelet off of him yes well I think we're about to see the namesake of this movie that led them but I have my robot versus the mommy I'm in 420 of the robot I don't know that mommy's got a real nice speed amazing snake-like accuracy - does the hell was officer - he's the ATA's tech of a thousand one holds this scene is closed caption for the speed impaired he moves like George Burns and put you in a sleeper hold he just breathes on this whole movies a sleeper hold take two of these and a glass of water and you'll sleep like a baby I couldn't take two of these this one feels like a suppository let's kiss it's like professional wrestling in slow motion my professional acting in slow motion - you know what if that the bat was trying to fool everybody has just got a guy it's not really a robot at all that wouldn't happen makes you think though I don't know once that robot gets into gear you're really gonna see him kick some ass Tech whoo boy oh that's something hadn't counted on all mommies carry pliers get up much of a fight at all Oh mummy hold me I think it's really the human part of him that's failing well the human side likes the rich taste but the robot in amongst the trusty goodness whoo this is the serial is it oh yeah the other one was a serial oh hold me too right in the Adam's apple I looked up anticlimax in the dictionary and it said see Aztec mummy constipation real yeah I think that's real I don't know Billy Barty was in this he's got a small cart ah those two had to die thank God Flora's here a polka in memory of the great love that once existed between us oh all this death and destroy your skin went bad are yours to God and go back to the grave of our ancestors where we should never have interrupted your each never darken this film again at all isn't that the demon dog demon died [Music] [Music] this is great when we do not these things this isn't going to work no word maybe we should just try to review the movie oh well I thought that robot with a human head was really offensive crush I can see now that this completely isn't working we got to get rid of these things quick checkup yeah newspapers ooh what gets a dog boy on her well chasing rabbits six cars looking scratching tennis balls that's it tennis squad listen go down to the service pod find that crush turns off the 33 eight attach them to that fig disposal ball shaped like a giant ball will push it out the bay port door if you gottem okay cambot cookie on exterior puttin fetch water on my mark now all right they're gone Oh jewel I don't want to be a killjoy but doesn't fetch mean go get and bring back oh oh that's the end of our experiment I hope you're happy oh I'm happy are you happy I'm happy good file this well until next time my little square pudding [Music] [Music] you you

Channel: MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000

Views: 256,595

Rating: 4.8677688 out of 5

Keywords: mst3k, mystery science theater 3000, Robot vs Aztec Mummy, mystery science theater, tom servo, crow, joel hodgson, mike nelson, bad movie, cult, full movie, commentary

Id: Bhg2ofmCSaY

Length: 99min 2sec (5942 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 09 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

This was one of those episodes that was almost impossible for me to get through, especially in one sitting. The movie is no fun at all until the last quarter, Joel and the bots are listless (hey, welcome to Season One), and the whole thing just feels like slow punishment. Love the guys, but we all have off days. This was one of them. If you're planning on getting someone into MST3k, this is not the episode you want to choose.

[u/beinsane_]

Some early promos imply that this, not The Crawling Eye, was the first episode to air on the Comedy Channel way back in 1989, even though The Crawling Eye was produced first.

It's fortunate that CC was more desperate for anything to fill time on their schedule than they were for ratings. Under modern TV practices we'd be lucky if MST3K lasted to a second episode, let alone long enough to work out the issues that are so apparent here.