MST3K: Lost Continent (FULL MOVIE)

there was a guy named joel nothing different from you oh he did a good job cleaning up the place is repeat to facts it's just hey hey tiny look at me when i'm talking to you all right now like i was saying i think we can scout out what the uberlords have planned for this week's movie thanks to the game film supplied courtesy of cambot over there hey hey hey hey hey hey super destroyer hey buddy i'll wait wait for it okay i'll say beat him and then you say beat him beat and beat him okay coach all right now like i was saying we can have a pretty good idea what their psychological offense is gonna be remember last week they sent us that cheese eater of a biker film wild rebels a definite win for our team all right hey hey hey but the week before that at our homecoming they sent us rocket attack usa oh is right it was a standard issue bloodletting of our pop and folks sensibilities we almost lost our star center gypsy i love you guys no crow you can't use a man-to-man defense on these type of films it's strictly gotta be zoned how are you gonna pick up the extra man on the give and go and not end up in the trophy case yeah coach if i really sky under the boards tonight can i have some arms that actually work listen i i don't have time the mad scientists are calling why don't you talk to the trainer or something but joe you're our trainer yeah just get out there you bunch of panty weights oh good afternoon bumpus it's a nice day for a bloodletting wouldn't you say well in regards to today's movie i'm just going to say rock climbing rock climbing yes rock climbing but before our sweet but not too spicy delve into terror spotlight invention exchange on young frank oh frank thanks boss you know people love to use stationary exercise treadmills for their daily exercise routine but when it gets nice outside what do we do dr forrester uh we go to the lake frank exactly oh nice camera work there jerry and sylvia we go to the lake we back me up on this one people we go to the lake so now when it's nice out and you want to go outside and exercise you can take your stationary exercise treadmill with you like this what do you think boss oh couldn't you just walk frank i've also uh taken this uh prototype for a stairs machine now this is really good you go from one landing to the next as you exercise on the stairs it's really quite unbelievable it's really something nice work you two as for you you big dumb kid you just invented the staircase thank you and hear me out on this one what i've done is i've invented a rowing machine and what i've done is i put a row boat underneath it so you can actually go out into the lake as you exercise we do that we go to the raising school rock climbing rock climbing rock climbing rock climbing rock climbing jerry rock climbing i'm climbing and all the excitement i forgot rock climbing well before we get to our film which is in a steamy experiment into the the bowels of clay may i you may thank you very much it's called lost continent and i'm very excited about it because it has cesar romero you beaumont a giant lizard the guy from the danny thomas show and oh did i mention rock climbing rock climbing guys rock climbing as for you joel i'm sorry we don't have time for your invention this week hate to spoil your soup paste them frank you are all going to die i absolutely refuse to go into the theater against my will that's absolutely it ow ow i got moving against and those guys didn't let me do my invention exchange lost continent i lost my keys once but that's ridiculous hey he must have had a good agent his stones are 10 feet tall forever young's brother look dunlap the entire magnate oh jack green guy lee press on and all the insignificant do not remove this tag under penalty of law produced by sigmund neufeld and directed by his brother samuel newfield they were in separate lines on ellis island you see hey there's carlos castinado looking for don juan oh no no no oh haven't we seen this before yep oh white sands isn't that where they get all that stuff for the hotel ashtrays ah look it's a v2 oh i could have had a v8 oh seen it quit looking over his shoulder he can't work that way he's playing pong solitaire so that's what ward does at the office they're really into it i'm into it too i don't mind telling you don't forget me what's its rate of climb sergeant two thousand feet mancher wait a minute sir phillips give me a reading on altitude and distance phillips give me a screwdriver i'll have a rum and tab slow g and fizz for me 1000 miles an hour it's 900 miles since time launching we'll be losing in a couple of minutes i know that she's right on course hello no james stop this crazy thing dr oster it's as if this atomic powered engine of yours is going to out more jet propulsion i'll quit getting out it's out of range sir desert station calling top of the world top of the world mom it all started at a little 500 watt radio station in fresno california look that could change the game of lacrosse forever large scale pong hello desert station pip moving in on top of the world altitude 23 miles speed 1800 miles an hour attitude not too good she's practically over our heads right now heading out to sea it's the wackiest ship in the army there's never been an escape from stalactite now this is a visual representation of a theremin contact desert station contact this i wonder what the boys are up to altitude 38. i just discovered i look like robert ryan two thousand miles an hour rocket approaching point return hey it's dino what a ding-a-ling hey jerry there's something wrong with the stock footage simulator hello neptune we are waiting come in this is neptune god of the sea you get me neptune you get me stationed anything wrong no just everything just dump on me well what's the matter uh jerry were you messing with this oh that cuts a dean that's a station we can't reverse the rocket it's out of control it won't turn yes desert station give me that this is dr michael rostoff are you sure your reading is correct are you sure you haven't miscalculated oh yeah i'm the jerk it couldn't be your crappy right right on schedule on its exact course where is it now it's getting below the horizon hmm hurts doesn't it ouch neptune's still standing by desert station what orders let them keep a clear channel yes sir well i better tell june to hold supper i don't like this roger neptune's standing by over hold me dr briggs traveling for three more hours at its present rate of speed same fixed course where would you say it would crash well here's us somewhere within this radius not good is it not good no it's not good failure if we can ever recover it we'll find why it didn't come back does this mean we can kill stuff no it's a failure oh so we're the jerks now we've always managed to be first in the long race against time we proved that with the atom bomb my head's a or if someone else should recover it why is he looking at me i didn't do anything you know the kind of way it isn't the money we spend shame shame on the lives of men like phillips and briggs wall-e thousands of hours and to be searched by the men working under them those hours represent a large portion of our nation's security and i'm talking to you bob we don't get that rocket back we may never survive to know just how much security we lost look they feel bad enough for operation boy i'll get an okay for a search party and i don't want to hear i don't know jerk simmons who died lying to the white house oh the white house we're all impressed scrambling adam and eve on a raft on a hunt ah toasty another democrat no thanks coffee's bad for my sense of humor it makes me slur my words my good behavior mrs roosevelt's looking fine not at all thank you therefore joe's the name remember tailgunner joe don't let the ranks write right happen i guess i guess you don't seem to be running out of inhibitions either drink your drink joe yes mommy marla tell me more about your being a flight instructor the boys you train to fly what are they like today oh they're dead i'm sorry no more hot rotten occupy there's no more flying by the seat of the pants these boys think the day of the prop on planes is over these boys flying today have to know their engineers indeed we're after the same kind of brain power that mit is or carnegie tech hey wait a minute you had me doing the same show the other night i just wanted to see if you had any new material let me see you were taking me up to the door to say good night you tried to use me as a key oh i remember you wanted to come inside and show me how you simulated landings at ten thousand feet oh i was drunk wasn't sure what's the matter with me that was tuesday night i saw him no wednesday hmm oh then your name's not betty is it yeah sure of course wednesday uh crash landings nope parachute jumps nope clown suits yeah i was tired that night joe you left me at the front door oh oh please don't get up i'll change the button oh jeez i really dropped the ball gotta stay in control i'm still a champ i can do it hmm look the dead mel tormey and here's one of mine huh he is neat really nice caboose ah marcel marseilles i know it was magnificent oh we did eat dinner didn't we just a heavy meal let's give the music a breakdown oh would you give us a drink sorry about my figure a woman appreciate such thoughtfulness i'll soon have you down to fighting weight house i lead give to caesar what did you dance i managed those simulated landings no you taste like butt abbott get the clown suit a long time getting around to that major it'll never happen again it's like an operation game touch her there and she buzzes remove tongue from tonsils maybe you better answer it it's my electric truss great to see she's got a nice bag excuse me major are you wearing your jibby hands ma'am but is uh major nolan here oh is that who i am all right what is it sergeant my neck sir it's fused to my spine orders for you to report back to the base at once sir they'll have a plane warranty up for you at the flight line well it's just warming up by myself once sir all right sergeant oh well come back soon joe and uh bring your chimney hat i'd like to finish what time is it sergeant 2 30 sir hold back on the stick well not better than me he's not bad sir if you don't mind me saying it i don't mean to sound personal sergeant but just following orders major if i hadn't come across this at your quarters i uh might not have found you for another 30 minutes he's pretty old for a sergeant office very careless of you sir give me that these are all guys you don't mind my sense though sir you're an officer why i oughta knucklehead i'll be right back what was that guy's name again uh the guy who was on a danny thomas show i don't want any more complaints out of you sweetheart willie gave you all new parts now use him and you my blood you got half the night he spent over what happens wrong size now you got a new one that fits use it be relaxed and satisfied sergeant tatlow hey it does talk see you watching that's him want to leave us sitting here practically naked or put your pants on and get going hot and cold bats in a straight jacket that's your business mine is to take you to the ceo you coming waters it's all they know they get him they give him you get him you're stuck and is your travel board cat mm-hmm everybody talks to inanimate objects in this movie pretty soon i don't misunderstand me and i want to make you feel terrible but i always said i'd never die in a plane but i've changed my mind see mother she got married last month that makes me legitimate now and my brother russell he made the pep squad keep them flying jackie while i'm gonna leave i'll tell you all about it when i get back yeah here we go uh-huh oh senate wilson where one l or two off five lieutenant daniel wilson got your library card sir see y'all want you right away oh damn said she voted last year what maybe she lied i think that's over our heads as i was telling that other guy i never wanted to die in a plane but now i'm very excited about it all right give me another rum and diet then we auger it in phil tentment in peace what happens with the bathroom we're gonna get through are we there yet can we stop i lost out on a little contentment at peace myself what so why click on me because i missed your ugly face danny boy i got lonesome come on cause he was so pleasant and uncomplaining those two delightful years we spent living in that romantic south pacific jungle together geez everything's a speech with these guys we got a crash on an island it's loaded with gorilla resistance you made it sound so good i'm taking us in the other two seconds you're the south pacific commando what a picnic you got liberated yeah i got liberated so did she look where it got me liberation it's a wonderful thing a strength to it oh it must be a northwestern flight oh yeah how about some coffee no thanks i already had mine i love that it's not one thing it's another coming right up sir i gotta oh oh forget that rest stop i'm fine now meanwhile over ames iowa that guy's kind of a chunky steward isn't he yeah pardon me back i brought you some coffee oh i i wasn't doing anything smells good it's just me tell your dog everything about this doll smells good just look at the [ __ ] it's really stacked oh you've been alone too long haven't you sergeant listen to a sink i tend she's a dream doc my baby if she could only cook hey you're talking about the woman he loves oh doc yeah i can see you haven't had much experience with things you know the first thing you got to know is that never spoil their makeup i'm the wrong guy to ask doc you know looking out from high places makes little black spots to a valley in front of my eyes i could prove these guys don't exist thank you remind me to kill you later uh got some coffee for you dog coffee yeah it's a beverage yes thanks that's just what i need about this time what definitely uh and suicide has a u in it sir you get out of here uh genocide has a c in it sir would you get out of here oh i i don't know about you doc but these long trips always get me a little sleepy figured a little coffee might keep us all awake don't sleep get away from me little monkey boy let you know hey don't say hi sheepers i will follow you out and use you as a sleeping bag ever fly one of these before nope neither have i okay okay let's see here who had the manhattan and who had the 15 rum and diet cokes good thing we stocked up at fargo oh what characters you're as bad as playing a bunch of congressmen to visit the wall front willie how you talk this is a posh assignment what a femme we're hauling vips distinguished scientists sergeant you should have brewed them some liquid hydrogen served with smashed atoms somebody's heard it yeah yeah i'll serve them one joke was taking pictures through a window another one looks like he's writing the letter to einstein that rust stuff guy's playing games with a map but what do we do go chasing after a rocket that's a naughty word sergeant top secret hey take over me i'm just a sergeant i'm gonna play boy scouts back there let you two aggravate each other let's get out of here it's thick do you ever fly one of these things ultras he says no my alt has never had it's a good this flower turns off the pose climbs down from the ladder turns to the clown and says what and quit show business i really love to laugh at that but i'm the one who told it to you essentially i programmed it into your memory remember oh yeah now here's one you like you'll want to get this you'll like this okay there's these four monks an albino squirrel and a shoe factory okay there's a ship coming into rain okay you can tell your joke when i'm done no it's no joke or your anecdote or whatever you got but anyway there's these four monks and they work on a construction crew this is neat they work at a construction crew at the monastery okay and they just get done working on some of the stations of the cross and they see this albino squirrel who carries it really well oh would you cut that out well hey geez what a grouch it's the only way i could get your attention hey there's a ship coming in the range willakers he's right camon give me rocket number nine pronto hello boys you bulmas oh come on call me dad gee sir i mean dad what are you doing here well you see boys uh i'm one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse and uh i come bearing a message of unholy death that's right i'm really gonna give you the business destroy you your world and all that you know but first a stern talking to you know you boys shouldn't be so hard on that movie a lot of people worked quite hard to bring that movie to you gee i guess we shouldn't be so quick to judge others then huh that's right crow he bought it what a jerk well i'm glad we learned a little lesson then well it's time to die gee sir i mean dad why must you kill all life and matter yeah can't you give us another chance oh please dad don't kill us and take our souls to the after world and stuff boys i i think i owe you an apology i guess your mother and i got so wrapped up in this apocalypse thing i didn't have time to think how you felt well then you're not going to destroy us oh i don't see how i could well i've got to get going i've got to catch up to fred mcmurray and the boys they're about to destroy earth drink your milk what a sweet guy yeah once i'll be invade poland hey i can see my house from here ever fly one of these things no me neither looks like this is it oh stuckey's we're now approaching rocket's point of departure where neptune radar unit lost contact put your shoes on kids we're circling grandmas i wish my life had meaning i can't believe they charged 350 for those things from now on keep your eyes peeled the rocket hit the ocean you'll see a dye marker covering the spot i'm going upstairs so we can get a good look oh bob this is a plane there is no upstairs meanwhile over bowling green tennessee hey you ever fly one of these things nope neither am i hey i can see my house from here we're now in zone where rocket road this is the pilot anybody back there ever flown one of these i know it's my fault i missed the beaver hey i can see my house from here have you oh don't even ask you sure yeah okay dead end dead end island to your left i'm swinging over it so you can take a look hmm i can see his scalp from here cool hey my my watch has never done that before it's trilling this place is crawling with gold ax rico youngblood is jumping all over the place meanwhile over three mile island i can see our careers from here right hand red i'll get coffee i was kidding about that death pack pal come on hey what happened we're losing altitude fast hey don't get technical with me while the magnetic controls are conked out the captain has put on the no smoking sign your seat back doubles as a floatation device you look good and you adolf you look fabulous bunch of hell i want to die with you oh that looks like a good place kennedy when you need him you ever crash one of these things thank you for flying northwest hey we landed on a witch maybe the film will be in color from this point all right you kids quit horsing around back last time we let you play in-flight twister it smells like a wrestling mat it's a tail again got the first aid kit bridge is bleeding you've been a beautiful job major i didn't think we had a chance let's form a soccer team and eat each other like living too this will hurt for a minute yeah that's what i always tell my kids what went wrong maybe there was hand soap in the hydraulic fluid net against them was the radio everything they just stopped cold that's strange i usually have this before we crash the geiger registered intense radio activity oh well i can see huh what do you make of that other than that your guess is as good as mine lot of gold reading here oh thank goodness sounds like an old duran duran tape oh hungry like the wolf yeah this is an old movie oh no gold back here i can see you're really upset about this dave but there's nothing hey my watch is going to stop before but now it's going great i'll alert the media go out and take a look at this south sea paradise yeah what a joker i'll just put that anywhere oh what a day left the morning paper here beautiful place good morning good morning seems rather peaceful talk to some of our guys who crashed in new guinea during the war whoa i'm sorry i brought it off now there may be a park but i'm not gonna depend on it and maybe we ought to try to get the radio work and he'll let somebody know where we are hey maybe it's time to take that parachute off until we find the rocket oh that's just fine pet hunters cannibals break up the guns and ammunition it's time for a celebration you better check all your equipment take only the essential things like vitality like we might be camping out for a while night falls quickly in the jungle but morning comes just as soon guys this kind of reminds me of a movie i once saw about two guys who crashed in a jungle on the i wish we could have a chair bro with hamburger sandwich and some french fried potatoes that's what i'm talking about oops there goes another rubber tree plant thanks frank hey are they walking in a circle ah yeah i hope there's a gift shop what do you think who knows they were being set up for pigeons and you're the mother loving pigeon of them all well just remember the rule everybody if you don't understand it shoot it look for a woman named wanama gilligan mary anne let's torch the village let's do the whole village man let's do it is it gauguin still life shoot it hey beaver june what are you doing this ain't going to here such a bad leave he's perfect excuse me you know how to get back to the interstate from here hi jim mack joe fred so bad we don't know their language yeah she might be able to help us i know a couple of melanesian dialects i'll try them out on earth don't do no english from missionary school island over there where my people go it's called harvard why firebird fly over village send out flame and smoke the rocket it must be the rocket we're in luck earth tremble people frightened leaving votes oh big day for you huh firebird where did it land on sacred mountain home of gods chiefs say spirit angry at bird why didn't she leave with the rest of them rocks rock stupid my father hurt brother and i stay until he die oh but who are you i'm cesar romero international latin star take away it's evil they can do that whoa take us to where it landed no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no if you show us where this firebird came down we can break it spell it'll never fly again and then we'll give you some glass beads and stuff and come home and live in peace again i show way too sacred mountain but it is taboo you will not come back follow me boys swing to the right did you make that out of mashed potatoes couldn't land on a nice soft beach had to pick the top of a mountain well there's nothing yet but any radioactivity would be shielded from us by the mountain yeah it's fm aren't you coming with us no me no god lives are wrong sacred mountain taboo no one ever come back from home of god besides you guys not see woman in long time that's the first damn ever saw run on you joe must be losing your touch huh funny jerk i like these guys we'll be right back uh what happened to their torsos well fellas looks like we came upon a sacred burial ground what say we defile it looks like a dumping ground did you ever walk through one of these before will you let that die please sorry well looks like we start climbing it seems we have no alternative one thing nobody can say we're not getting plenty of exercise on this trip who needs it uh did everybody get a line now hey you can't even see the top you get dizzy up there sergeant you want to bail out you've always got your parachute yeah what happens if it's dark you won't get lost your life matches on the way down uh is everybody done heaping shame on me i gotta follow that whoa they get me i'm almost out of the frame look at that they've got their wingtip climbing oxfords on there climb every mountain until you find your dream i don't think so ever see eiger sanction help me hey joel what's that on his belt oh that's his uh femur bone oh just kidding take my hand love on the rocks hey could you turn down your aaron copeland watch please joel why are we watching this dull mountain climbing sequence well because it's there rock climbing joel well here's a little trick i learned uh either from will rogers or bob maplethorpe but i can't remember who wow roping a wild rock isn't easy to do how fortunate this will simplify everything i'm gonna climb up and into lincoln's nose remember robin both hands on the bat roll don't look at my pant leg uh some of these maneuvers are just for me folks i'm here steve i got you no one will be admitted during the breathtaking climbing scene rock climbing curl rock oh yuck there's vitalis all over this rope caesar well looks like i'm the first man oh oh i almost caught him oh let me tell you working the cat skills is tough dope on a rope hey what's henry fonda doing there wherever there's a guy climbing a mountain he'll be there anybody want some coffee hey strap more crap to your belt back grab the butt makes a better handle hey they're pants in him it's like bowling i'm up already ah this guy's a goner yep i can smell it dead dead for sure hey watch out they're grabbing kids butts up there look i'll thank you not to touch my butt just just my hand please thank you why do the violins always trill when he's climbing don't do it don't you do it i got nowhere else to go come on doctor um please don't grab my butt i just had an operation well who wants a drink the thinner the air the richer the smoke seems like we've been climbing for days tell us about it there's no top to this rock pile you got an appointment somewhere oh as a matter of fact what's the matter doc anything wrong no i'm just making a check with the geiger is that check current getting anything slide rating very slight from the rocket no from our hats stickweed hey doc is your head clear no it's opaque sure i wish i could say mine was mine's lucy let's go so soon come on i got your packs on you got an appointment someplace yeah with a rocket call a rocket secretary we'll have to reschedule here we go again from the director who brought you that earlier stuff more of the same isn't the action let up for a moment this is better than that indiana jones truck sequence oh that was the exciting odessa trip sequence not since andy warhol's empire state has a camera stayed in one place for so long oh that can't be healthy did somebody have a cobb salad or something i'm here steve i warned you about smoking that cigarette get up come on get up there use your what femur he loved too much he's poisoned gas he you smell the delton wow let it go we're here for you now i know what you meant about i'm not coming back some kind of corrosive gas generated from the earth oh great me with only a parachute i should have brought a gas mask good one probably caused by internal pressures no it was a cop salad volcanic activity can the balloon juice craft you all right to go on yeah sure what's a little poison gas between friends gotta find another way are you feeling strong enough briggs perhaps you shouldn't continue oh he's doing point plot would put that earlier yeah yeah what gives i don't know about that well don't everybody talk at once turned around and the hitchhiker was gone hey this is a no smoking cave anything to keep the guy from sleeping since when did a little noise keep you awake shut up or i'll short cheat your rock rocket came into my life yeah but look at all the trouble it kept you out of it i love this good natured ribbing bob uh i'm on fire ah this doesn't scare me hmm i wonder if this plot will ever get moving yeah no this is only for conversation but if you were going to eat a human body where would you start can i snuggle with you guys your family came with a wallet yeah the girl's 12 the boy's 16. where are your family now fine-looking kids name him after me wait a story to tell him when we get back yes i hope i will hmm hey hugh where's the back of your skull well that's what i get for sitting on my big fat blueprints and helping to build guided missions this is actually pretty funny i need to listen to my wife she's been after me for years to get in condition and god it's the natives to say the gods were angry tonight they say they're bowling and they're crazy ever been married major are you asking come close to it a couple of times one way or another how come you never got pinned down all done some wife tell him what dames he should or shouldn't go out with now say it without the stick in your mouth i don't like the others i'll use their bones to butter my bread on the rock you mean by that gargantuan lizard art is art but i just don't see it i'd say doc's been sniffing his polychlorinates again yeah it looks like doc's been writing his own prescriptions enough for this for you the explorers are quinn martin production starring joel robinson also starring crowe and tom servo with special guest star michael sarazen tonight's episode drop personal pronouns or die act one oh what i wouldn't give for a char broiled hamburger sandwich and some french fried potatoes oh you said it greetings naive native types i am joel robinson explorer i come on great white jet bird in sky oh you mean that dc-9 stretch that arrived at oh 14 hours this morning i come to teach you white way teach you white man's tongue jeez what is it with this guy i'd show you great white culture shakespeare be not be that question sinatra get no kick champagne mere firewater no thrill get kick you kingston's louie louie ooh baby we got go yaya yeah you're high aren't you act two i come to s teach you people you know not about bible you know not about uh schools you know not about home shopping network servo look at his eyes he's all tripped up on goofballs right i here to show you ways of west show you judeo-christian way of life oh that's all very well and good but why are you talking like an idiot at four i need you guys to talk this way because uh it's the only way you can help support the white male reality well how do you figure that well as the white man ravages his world with his imperialistic corporate sensibilities you see you help support his smug superioristic attitude by talking real dumb geez this sketch is getting preachy okay uh we make white devil feel good we talk like jerk great i know i could count on you simple backwards natives to help me out glad we be of help crow kill him kill him so i thought you could make crow the fall guy didn't she tom servo pretty tricky but the truth is is you killed michael sarason you did it hey what kind of psychedelic voyage are you on now he had it all figured out he knew the perfect crime i even had betty and jebediah check for prince but they came up short but you forgot the one thing that every murderer forgets you're way off script what the hell are you talking about uh well i'm just trying to find a way to justify all this quinn martin's stuff with the explore stuff he never produced anything with explorer in it okay i did it i killed him and you know what i'm glad i did it glad i tell you glad what did you say up there a monster i've never seen before and then what i think he's getting rocket happy shut up you sure it wasn't just your imagination oh he has no imagination he's a scientist that's what all i see is spots we're gonna need a bigger cave we're gonna get a bigger cave right huh so wow felipe you're getting a good draw off that thing oh it's very foggy hey the land of dairy queen ah a whole new day of rock climbing finally at the top and then i can get oh oh hey it's edmund hillary hey you kids get down from there break your neck or i'll break it for you it looks like what they're gonna do is keep the camera on each actor like a slow painful mantra of pain rock climbing servo rock rock climbing rock climbing crawl cambot rock climbing i hate when they put them in the smoking section hey save the fog we could use it in a ridley scott film they just climbed through the ionosphere is that legal ah why don't you go on a diet ow oh that's okay i didn't need that arm anyway thank you well we're finally at the oh no come along man just a few more feet and we'll be a few more feet along oh we're in hell neat oh my god they've done it they've done it they've reached the side you know what i'm really hungry for right now rock lobster for some reason i yeah anything by the b-52 leopard presents a mountain out of a molehill oh come on what is what is it they're looking for they forgot they don't even know i could at least have some music or something step on his hand come on god why is that a mad house a mad house i never knew mountain time was so slow please stay with me baby come on stay with me baby is that all you can say kill them all kill them please come on hey you guys calm down hey it's only a movie we can handle it okay okay i guess you're right who are you where are we can we get a frame of reference or something please chill children it's okay it's only rock climbing would someone please tell the director about compressing time through editing oh sorry i play out this plot point oh what the hell forget sid field yeah got to try and keep patting out the film got to pad the film yes oh yes my spirit is snoring that's a new sensation yeah that looks different got that match yeah my butt your face oh jeez this guy's going to bring the film to a screeching halt now how did i do that do that that's really neat me this film i must die my friend to make the film more interesting i'll never let go of you i will never ever let you fall or oh well i'm all right i'm okay i've plummeted to my death and i can't get up damn he has my keys hmm hey what happened gramps you lose something yes but the light is so much better over here so what are they waiting for the impact oh how did it happen i'm not sure i think it was his heart who died of a [ __ ] there was a demonstrative person it was unexpected i tried to hold him but i didn't have the strength i've got nobody loves to give another one of your unpredictables oh i see i'm the jerk everyone dump on me can't you see i'm hurting fade to black well that's over let's go no more rock climbing get your paws up that mountain you damn dirty live we go out and get a pizza or something just live with the hurt you guys tough it out get stronger seashells how in the world used to be a lake all right let's go back everybody oh no no hey a whole other mountain i'm twice as big as this one no no no that's the only way up you think you can make that oh i don't know i'd have to heal my core to 13 000 degrees get involved in plate tectonics i'm not the mountain you idiot oh make the jump better a long way down it'll be quicker than the way up you're like a gazelle caesar now throw me the whip throw me the item is this throw up again look if you want to be in the club you got to jump it don't trip hold me dear god hold me free there's a dead end over there you gotta make this jump or you're not in the club well this should thin the cast a bit leave more lines for us we're swinging into high now bill they're on top of old smoking you know this secondhand smoke is is just as unhealthy hey guys watch this i saw this on mannix once thank you don't trip oh the russian judge gives him a 3.5 um hey guys watch this i saw it on manix once no no no no no no no no no no no no no oh we got oh don't grab him by the butt again oh there he goes you know even rock climbing movies don't have this much rock climbing kick his hand step on him i saw this on my next one v bruce the best athletes we've hit the top roadway see the very top oh we got time to kill let's take a break doug mcclure what oh this is great this is typically great there's an elevator right here we could have rode up hey guys there's another mountain up here no oh just kidding just kidding hey this isn't so great 20 minutes of climbing for this can we see what it is please wow don't you guys look at all this really cool stuff i know how high is up they really got something going here it's too bad they won't show us look ah what's the matter oh look oh wow well let's get back down the map it's the jungle goddess trees wow hey i got colorblind well if this movie will color that would mean something i'm gonna slice off a piece of that action look it's that girl and the little kid again oh no he just went back down the other side oh we're back at reel 2 get word to the projectionist get on reel 4 and get us the hell out of here laundry everywhere notions assorted sundre toiletries everywhere well men let's bungle in the jump doc i don't know i can make a full-length movie just afraid to say not like any jungle i've been in or ever will be major you're looking at a kind of world that hasn't existed for millions of years who are you like a lost continent oh you could call it that i guess good news yeah i have a mountain in the middle of the sky volcanic dust came out of my everything indicates a throwback to prehistoric times look at that foliage you look at it i'm bitter tremendous internal pressures causing such steaming fools i told you it was the carb cell connectivity at such altitude must be terrific as powerful as a stockpile of hydrogen bombs or a stockpile of stock food but it doesn't make sense happy as thin sure but you can breathe without your lungs screaming for help we're screaming for help sea level it's all the plants major practically pure oxygen but look at this haze purple for some soft light put a green bulb in the sun yeah like in a nightclub only they forgot to bring on the danes yeah thank you morty bomb did to the atmosphere major those same forces i think his accent has gotten thinner with the air to say if we find that rocket it may have us someday all living back in the world like this one i'll worry about that when the time comes god knows we got tons of that lying around hey phillips take a fix see if he can pick up a reading on the rocket somewhere oh the rocket thank you i forgot what we were doing and that was when i was 14. now later that summer joe what's eating you chili peppers and i burned my gut private weight what is it covering this little dream world maybe maybe not man what do you think of rastaf i like him he's neat i can light a cigarette maybe if i he's called fish you know those big brains no can't say as i do oh i see you think that i don't think anything no we know that i never did buy that guy even before we took off well the producer did do we know anything about the rocket willie no only three guys know what makes it work and none of them are in this film stop phillips and briggs what about hunga bunga oh you left him out and he's the most important one too anything happens to phillips that just leaves our stuff he could sell us any bill of goods maybe he didn't want that rocket to turn back see what you make of this oh earmuffs pick something up well let's hope it's a virus and it kills them all that's it phillips what's the rundown definite signs of radioactivity but much too powerful to be coming from the unit in the rocket there somewhere we may have hit something important major like the plot uranium please say it's it explains a lot of things why the plane went out of control when we flew toward the island why domestic comedies are so successful we must have entered a field of radiation then when we dropped below the mountain we passed out of it it lost its effect why couldn't you have told us that 20 minutes ago with you again does that stuff act like a magnet that stuff is the most mysterious element in nature love most dangerous it's important most unstable the most valuable yeah babies cry for it huh i think he lost you keep my iranium out of this rule it was inevitably drawn to these fields if it ran out of fuel don't ever say that simmer down joe so i'll apologize if i'm wrong all right it's the only lead we have let's follow it that square bugs me really bugs me rules of the road boys see anything shoot the kill i mean don't shoot it if it's gonna advance the plot though saigon i can't believe i'm in saigon did you get him sergeant oh please let him get malaria please hold me for four hours like i was something sent up from room service this movie makes showa look like a two reeler easily pick up many late news flashes in the home front doc huh how's everybody at the pentagon happy what'd you say oh nothing i just wondered i just thought i'd sneak a few lions in against the jitters oh well from its activity we're moving into a hotter zone well at least we won't freeze tonight you're coming out of me and they're on the head rockets near the uranium fields we're getting pretty close i show a concentration of almost twenty thousand mrs like a handful of years how about a short translation for the common man go scratch is that short enough millie who it's like taking your temperature sergeant yeah now bend over this shows how hot a zone is with radioactivity how dangerous is the area don't worry major we're safe enough but if the uranium in those fields were refined we'd have been dead hours ago the japanese would have owned all this anyway raise your flaps that rocket won't find us you've been sarcastic this whole film is something wrong i joined the air force oh fun all right let's take a 15-minute break oh but keep the camera running i got the ration ah tortellini with pesto sauce i've got radicchio i've got haggis this sauce is delicious it's so light something tastes like cilantro only milder my compliments to dinty moore this is so good i've got to go tell someone hey who booted over here we got company all right clean this place up we got company carrots and stuff these tracks are fresh mountain cows nothing scarier fresh but what do they fit nothing human i ever saw not even my top sergeant had feet that big i've seen tracks like these before yeah where larry mondello in the museum turd museum citrusville road one almost [ __ ] me off but i dug in good for you hard to believe isn't it major my calendar says 20th century a d not a 100 million bc yeah but you've got a chippendale county appreciate your feelings major but you can't change what we've just seen i know i know you lie ahead so now let's get our kites we gotta move when i finish my yogurt it's really delicious it's coming uh now this is where they shot mad monster and a little wade's down here you'll see where they did jungle goddess there's rocket ship xm right here i'll make another check if you like no that'll take 10 minutes would you put that thing down please all right on course good yeah you sure that thing really works hugh hey doc more brother bronte more tram and the transformer hey doc i think there's some other way to get to those uranium fields huh well yeah we could have had an edit about 25 minutes ago okay hey duck huh i think i'll stick with the needle too huh oh sid and nancy are coming hey i saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada trader vixx and his hair was perfect ear plot pop rip storyline anywhere huh hey ronnie source where hey all right i've been waiting for the last 50 minutes but i've got to go they tell me i cost over a thousand dollars a minute i'll have to see you later now a word from hud wesley he brought stravinsky with him it's magnificent i ditched a hot babe for this turns out i'm a herbivore these guys got nothing to worry about i'm really just a red hairy please enjoy the film and now a word from jay's potato chips you'll enjoy it give me the camera on camera connaps horse divorce don't mind if i do brontosaurus in africa i win oh get up you yeah climb up to mouth level real quick shoot hugh ah my favorite scientist on a stick i like it when there's a salad bar with a little meat on it oh oh that stings knock it off will ya i see a dinosaur but i hear an elephant shoot me will you smile boy i'm not gonna forget this oh 15 minute no that was pretty intense let's go for 20 minutes let's go up on that rock more rocks there they are too even the small ones are going to take a lot of time guys so i had to tie you guys up but you were letting the film get away just keep an eye on all in one piece baby i may be needing you yet still talking to crap huh monkey boy pictures pictures you're lucky you weren't killed that's the thing i was killed we're all in hell now how do you account for all this stack no it's just the way leopard works he's kind of a cool it's an impossibility yet here we are right in the middle of it it's where i always wind up stuck in the middle with you and out of what we saw this afternoon hasn't existed for millions and millions of years well it almost chomped you before man was ever heard of what's the matter with shut up you two and don't spill the beans we've got a good 20 minutes left to fill you know what a miracle is lieutenant the words the end can you explain it no i can't explain what happened this afternoon either it can't be well thanks for straightening the whole thing out doc you took the words right out of my mouth and what a relief oh good night geez just closed me out oh could you want your watch a watch for 50 years of movie service oh very impressive sorry strange and rather frightening out there and strange take any of those rocks please harness its stored-up energy convert it into a power plants we could build a whole new world oh somebody's got a secret instructor the one we've got ironic but here we are sleeping on top of the richest uranium field known to man yeah it's not like your futon back you want a real cozy feeling one day i'll be able to tell this to my three-headed grandchildren you are a cynical suspicious man aren't you nolan no i'm not who told you that maybe maybe not dickweed no oh no danny danny not the clown suit danny no what a little dream yeah in your shape and where's that copy of aviation weekly turn to the cessna there's just one thing about you baby well what's that maybe just if you just have propellers instead of jets i feel so dirty after that yeah hey does this movie have a continental breakfast uh no no they uh lost the continental breakfast well this was also called caesar romero's night of the living dead oh they went to perkins without us hey you were on god why didn't you watch him you know how stay unstable i am i did i never closed my eyes all night maybe your hunch is right i didn't know it everyone ronnie biff get all the tea titans let's move like we've never moved before when stools ruled the world come to find where that music is coming oh if from go around here we'll end up on the other side of the same thing it's kind of funny over here ooh what he stepped in i came out of a dinosaur i'm sure who brought this string base it's a contrabasso sir shut up maggot hey look the cast is star trek help me kirk help me [ __ ] hey cool i see something interesting shoot him they're loving i'm repulsed it's a little bruised here a little foundation you like this huh what are you doing just applying something hi i'm skippy don't be afraid of me or anything around for hours ever since i discovered dr phillips he's only reading the magazines i don't think he's going to buy anything come on i just want to talk come back well it's no good noise will only attract them we'll have to sweat it out get up steve come on get to work the pansy i must be dreaming about a plane no june snap the clown suit oh go ahead and go do your good you got us trapped into this now go ahead and yell loud he was being sarcastic oh what's a few more lives you crazy stupid uranium happy hey don't talk to my friends that way where have you been i've been looking for you all day it's the mother loving rubber dinosaur of them all you go around back i'll take the front yeah i am not an animal i am a rubber model i wonder how he keeps his hair back like that he kind of looks like patty labelle you and me going round and round model a model hurts donut here's your mail oops forgot to stamp it keep your eye on them start wanting those spitballs why'd you have to go and get a green stick fracture i'm eating you up now how's the farm here's a couple more acres just as dinosaurs must protect their young so must you invest in mutual of omaha get them out eat it boy eat it all right oh you got my braces howie they're gone we can quit now let's go say uncle this is dinosaur coolest part i'm pulling my arm out of the socket don't grab my buttocks joel come over here and look at this yeah this is really cool hey camera follow me over there wow that thing's super neat oh just wait a minute wait it's coming around there oh yeah oh boy oh boy i think that's the coolest part well the other side was really cool too that sure was oh yeah wow those little dangly things at the top are the coolest oh yeah i think i don't know i don't know i think come on look at the top half there top half near the sides that's the coolest part well maybe i don't know hey wouldn't two of them be even cooler no way but 18 of them would be really cool yeah hey guys look at that what the wait fork to come around okay now oh man it's so cool oh no one knows it's cool it's not that cool anymore yeah i'm coming down now it was pretty cool when it lasted though wasn't it well i still think it's pretty cool you know it was not as cool as before but hey guys hey hey guys look what what what oh baby that's the coolest hey joel it's cool and all but what is it uh it's well at least we know it's cool hey do you know what it is if you think you do send your description drawing orthographic projection or expensive working model to cool thing care of mst 3000 information club post office box 5325 hopkins minnesota 55343 what do you think sir pretty cool huh i don't think it's cool i think it's subterfuge i think you're just trying to hide the fact that we're winning and you're losing put the movie back in frank it's so simple it's so beautiful in a way there's a kind of arcane beauty you know we need to talk go away meanwhile in a less interesting part of the film mammals that ever action pack we better take a 15-minute break all you scientists lose your marbles every now and then never lose my marbles i'm a scientist i'm sorry that you so much trouble lieutenant i woke up a little earlier than the rest of you this morning and seemed to swell a chance to grab some pictures i'm a warning person what kind of things followed me i think i'd let you get yourself killed in a prehistoric jungle we've been friends too long i love you damn it well the uh the leg's feeling better come on let's keep walking huh my god he's cheerful it's hard to get mad at him check it out graffiti from the donner party candy cigarette they're toasted thanks i think not disturbed because it's still bc instead of a.d no because i'm ac and you're dc i'm convinced cd c asap it's smoother i'm energized i also said if i was wrong i'd apologize well that's not necessary okay not for that then don't ask me why at the beginning i had you figured for playing on the wrong team i know i'm a russian i thought you were german almost my whole life has been a witch hunt one way or another did you ever get a wedgie in grade school hitler and one of his concentration camps hitler what a jerk then my wife and unborn child died in another with russian-made barbed wire it doesn't change them much a lot of guys are finding that out every day all respect for my country lies dead in those camps i guess i should like you now i hope to go back and resurrect it someday no country can survive when it loses the respect of its own people or of the world oh it hasn't stopped the old u.s of a feedback mike the way you want to go back my god your hat smells good for the same thing even if online forbid it means pushing buttons on more rockets like the one out there somewhere heaven forbid joe what did you call me let's go home you would take that walkman off you're closing out the water coming up the mountain being forced through the earth at tremendous pressures i know what that much pressure with no safety valve that's colitis all right never react with the uranium fields what a fourth of july or the end of the world oh that's it that's what all out of batteries the end of the road mcgregor can't take us any further it means that we are right in the middle of the uranium deposits and they seem to extend i know what i mean shut up and how do we find the rocket i wish i knew it could be any place maybe we could wander around up here for weeks come on let's get out of this graveyard yeah let's blow i think he's right i agree well and here we are again look even caesar's sick of it by now i don't know how long these guys will hold out i got pleats in their pants they're holding so fast what's eating you making this movie is probably the worst three days of my life that's what chances we have we're beating our brains out for something we may never find we don't even know where to look now if the rocket's up here it'll rot before anybody can get to it you bored yes i'm bored let's do something i'm bored we're down to our last few rounds of ammo worried no scared it looks like i got that secret weapon i just walk up to him and kill him with spit well it just might work you haven't rushed since they got here hey this is fun i'm having fun how about you guys yeah me are you speaking for yourself danny for them maybe i'm saying what they don't want to say what are you saying i don't understand any of this lieutenant seems to think you've got something on your minds water on the brain i'll give you a chance to unburden yourselves well i was forced to wear clown suit as a youngster and uh oh have nothing to say well i have we're low on food we're low on water and we're low on ammunition all we got are those little silver balls they go on tops of cakes but i got news for you okay i walk around with my guts twisted up same as you i'll take some maybe i want to clear out of here the same as you i didn't ask to be trapped in this rat race but as long as i'm here i'll try and finish same as you mm-hmm anybody who wants to can knock it off now better major creep well don't just stand there major we got a rocket to find jerk baby you ain't getting any lighter weiner so i'll spit in her eyes just a little spittle idiot everybody's got a line but me line anybody anybody so here we are again well uh this is where we slept last night i remember this hey get the trumpeter swan no i'm batman hey shouldn't he be on the peewee set hey somebody shot terry nice job he likes all those things uh you won't be happy when you find out what you're leaning in take it easy with that big slob okay wait hey who are you talking about you're talking to the dinosaur hmm brain the size of a walnut dinosaurs no the director they should drop dead we should have a few million years ago we can't wait for them to become extinct how much time will you need to get the unit out of the rock well that's kind of personal depends on how much damage we find ordinarily 10 maybe 15 minutes might do it another five to get the data off the light recording instrument can you knock off the whole works in half an hour you should give us okay 15 minute break everybody hit an angle to get rid of them it's going to be rough but it might work danny you and willy circle the animals get back to the rocks and boulders and start shooting yeah it might bait them away from the rocket long enough for rostov and phillips to move in okay now get this we're going to shoot the works on this we don't do it the first time we've had it right hope you got plenty of spit yeah hey so i'll meet you guys at the rocket what the hell is he doing i'll make a sling with my underwear hey what did he call me here take this it's chafing me like a bear take it in a little bit quick get the can opener i'll just stand here tall and proud keeping amer well south america latin america safe for democracy looking good boss you're really looking tall and proud wow there's tons of cool stuff down there okay here we found a party ball ah finally my light brown pumps from bloomingdale's strap those on hurry parade around singing they're fabulous you will die at the hands of a triceratops maximum thrust registered 9.5 and i designed the controls for 2.5 a team of those animals out there couldn't have turned it back what does that mean it means a team of those animals out there eminently major now that we have these we'll know how to design the next one no more hey remember when you took that shot at me monkey boy payback time well everything's going good uh i feel like a little italian my little pizza roll tell the plane i love her hey cut it out i mean hey come on bunch of jerks huh wow and easy on the way down that was a short morning period yeah i don't want to be a friend oh no guys now it's the trip down i can't take it i can't take it i remember when i pulled monkey boy up on the cliff you know this is going a lot faster though on the way down it usually does okay carefully i want you to step there no i want to be real careful on the way down i want to break an ankle or uh that hurt please don't spare us anything let's watch hugh go through it too oh that wasn't very smart give him a hand hung up i'm not always going to be here don't grab his butt joel you know guys if you ask me i think they just reversed the film here yep going backwards here twinkie wrappers we were here before yep i'm going to ask this once again and it's only for the sake of conversation but what do you think is the tastiest part of the human body hands how's the leg holding on i'll make it you mike so you're all right two hey there's a lot less of us no wonder it's going so well yeah he'd probably say yeah hey it's gonna rain let me call without umbrella how do you like that thank you joey bishop oh we'll have to move fast the whole mountain's blowing up under us yep the model doesn't look too good either where are they again they're on top of that potatoes the souffle is falling well grab a rock and die oh well i'd say the dinosaurs are rocking down oh hey you kids stop jumping around up there eddie lumpy knock it off come on oh it's nice they've come to bury caesar not to praise him i'm uneffective that wasn't so bad let's get the hell out of here you know fellas it doesn't get any better than this we got to do this again sometime guys guys you're okay it's only the camera that's shaking come on i got to get the girls together and do this sometime well let's take a 15-minute break how is it that those rocks keep missing them it's like incredible i don't know it's like the book of revelations but nothing nothing touches him must have been filmed in catherine hepburn vision this is the wrong time of year to visit san francisco just shaking the bushes this will boss everything throw me the whip i'll throw you the idol come on i can't throw you the whip it's never mind no i can't be there for you every time dummy come on come on come on this is the last time i quit coursing around get over here you lovable gilligan little buddy oh they must all be out in the lagoon whoa look at that oh i bet the professor rigged that yep man we could hide in that shelter there well it's kind of like helter shelter right now oh yeah didn't they come by plane we're gonna steal a boat huh i'm telling you guys property values are great here it's buyer's market yeah right look at this duplex you could get well well it's going fast hey they're lean too just being fro it's the end of the world as they know it and i feel fine yummy yummy i dig a digger bowl get away the stock footage is erupting december 7th 1941 a day that will live in infamy well smoke them if you got them boys let's go guys let's go what do you think they'll call the sequel guys padding and paddling that was the 1951 classic lost continent interestingly enough ep robert lippert found that he could extend the length of his film by adding meaningless poorly contrived and blocked walking sequences or in the case of today's film mind-numbingly excessive mountain climbing scenes he called the device padding and as you know padding has become a staple of movies ever since now this cesar romero who many of you will recognize from the batman tv series of the late 60s and who was thought to be a spy was originally to play the role that eventually went to hugh beaumont director sam newfield said caesar just isn't bland enough we'll be right back uh director neufeld no nazi spy cocaine fiend and pyromaniac used to amuse the cast and crew by doing terrible things to his dog with a fork we'll be right back anyway i think we got a letter to read i'd like to thank the mads for faxing these color uh letters up let's put this on the uh on the still store there cambod i'll read it this is from robbie harmon dear mr joel crowe and tom i am 10 years old i try to watch your show all the time your show is the best i like the sound effects and the jokes you say they make me laugh so hard sincerely robbie i drew your pictures that one kind of looks looks like you're getting kind of heavy there chunky crow there yeah that's me before i slim fast anyway uh what do you think of the experiments sir i think you guys should get a special treat just for making it through that film i think you guys could get a special little treat frank this is science not romper room oh okay in that case you are going to die frank listen to me i think i think we won we won push the button push the button god opens a door he closes our window uh oh thanks for straightening the whole thing out doc you took the words right out of my mouth and what a relief uh good night hi everyone i'm joel hodson the creator of mystery science theater 3000 and i'm chaotic neutral welcome to turkey day 2013 on youtube you know thanksgiving's always been an important date for mst 3k not only were there seven years of turkey day marathons on comedy central and sci-fi but the show itself actually premiered on thanksgiving 25 years ago today plus if you've never been to a thanksgiving and you live in the u.s i really encourage you to try it when it all comes together well it just gets nuts and here from the mst 3k archives is the promo for the very first show on thanksgiving day 25 years ago on uhf channel 23 ktma in minneapolis no need to adjust your monitors it's a bit runny in the not too distant future tv 23 will present a startling new show so bold so innovative it will launch television comedy into the next millennium mystery science theater 3000 starring the twin cities own joel hodgson i am joel hodson one of the country's hottest comedians famous for his appearances on saturday night live and late night with david letterman this is one of my inventions it's the joel hodson pocket mohawk each week join joel and his trusty robot pals high above the planet in the satellite of love there'll be adventure mystery and fun as joel and his crew guide you through some of the cheesiest movies ever made classic movies like thunderbirds to the rescue and the unforgettable green slime that's an asteroid that's no asteroid that's a battle station so don't leave the future behind join us become one of us mystery science theater 3000 looks kind of like msd 3k fan fiction right trust me it's not but as you can see all the elements were there the theater seats the doorway sequence the jumpsuit even the robots that unfamiliar looking bot though was beeper a robot i made the night before that had the unique feature of being a puppet with zero charisma one of those rare facts that is both interesting and boring at the same time so right after the pilot i swapped out bieber's head for a gumball machine i had in my shop and viola beeper became servo as frank kahn of tv's frank says history has been kind to mst 3k and i think that's true tv guide consistently rates mst in the top 25 cult shows and both time magazine and entertainment weekly include mst in their top 100 tv shows of all time as you can see it's to the point where it's clearly getting ridiculous but it's a good kind of ridiculous it's not like duck dynasty ridiculous you

Channel: MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000

Views: 960,545

Keywords: mst3k, mystery science theater, tom servo, crow, joel hodgson, mike nelson, funny, comedy, video, videos, bad movie, Lost Continent (Film), Mystery Science Theater 3000 (TV Program)

Id: tKArYUxPrBU

Length: 100min 52sec (6052 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 10 2015