Mother in law demands family to give me expensive gifts (Part II)

about three days after we sent my thank yous out significant other mailed his own he also thanked everyone for welcoming me so generously as well as for the gifts he received then he included a little bit at the bottom about learning from anton law that mother-in-law is at nearly 80 years old still struggling to accept that her children are grown men who love another woman more than her from there he proceeded to air all the dirty laundry we had pieced together he told them that she had forced him to force me to spend over 500 on their gifts which required me to max out credit cards and spend my christmas gift he told them that we know she told all of them i was a spoiled stuck-up snob who needed expensive gifts he explained the reality that i'm a broke college student working two jobs and i was just happy someone was feeding me that day he told them she had made a freaking spreadsheet of every single gift each person gave and calculated how much everyone spent he let them know she used said spreadsheet to try to blackmail me into spending another two hundred and fifty dollars he also let them know she'd implied we were all cheap a-holes he explained it all he even mentioned that this all seems to be happening because she can't stand me taking his time and attention she's trying to run me off like she did ex-sister-in-law he apologized to everyone for the way his mother manipulated everything and asked them to give me a second chance at making a first impression he offered to return any of the gifts we both got if they agree with mother-in-law that i owe them something but he put his foot down that we don't negotiate with tea and therefore won't be buying additional gifts we also told them that in the future we want a limit of 15 for gifts and that instead of individual gifts we will just be giving one gift per family couple person we decided not to send the spreadsheet because he didn't feel like it's anyone's business how much was spent even blacking out everyone but the receiver's entry felt creepy and invasive i mean it was just so bizarre of mother-in-law to compile that thing to begin with and i kind of don't want anything to do with it we did include her nasty gram to me and told people they could see the spreadsheet only if they asked for it no one has asked because the letter pretty much speaks for itself the outcome has been about what you would expect two-thirds of the people who got this letter were appalled several people chastise her etc the other one-third think it's just this really wacky thing mother-in-law did and don't see why everyone else is so upset thankfully we haven't had any fms just yet no one requested their gifts back several people confirmed that mother-in-law did in fact pressure them into buying me expensive things apparently she even made specific recommendations a few times she made it sound like i'd pull a veruca salt right there if i didn't receive handbags and scarves and fancy soap sets we've thanked everyone profusely for their generosity and i've been trying to send them pictures of myself enjoying the various lovely things they gave me to show my appreciation a little more the one-third of the family who are more on mother-in-law's side have been colder to significant other mother-in-law is obviously working on them because mother-in-law is losing her mind as i mentioned in my last post he told her she's no longer welcome in our home he's very low contact and i'm no contact that means no more weekly movie nights no more going to her house to help with her computer no more anxious phone calls and so forth significant other works in i.t at a secure location he's in the basement of a facility that's on total lockdown i've never been there you can't get in without a pass she showed up and tried to get inside to see him they turned her away of course she texts him numerous times a day he answered only once to say hey do you realize you still haven't apologized to op until you do leave me alone she sent me a non-apology and went right back to texting him even though i never responded she's constantly crying to sister-in-law and sister-in-law's kids but they just keep telling her that it's her fault significant other doesn't want to talk to her last week she showed up at the door on tv night acting like nothing had happened and we were all going to watch frasier like normal significant other just locked the screen door and said mom we don't want you here anymore she started crying and said everyone thinks i'm a mean old lady i couldn't help but mutter because you are he told her she needs to find her own friends and hobbies then he closed the door the next day she sent me flowers and love bombed me all day i ignored everything i've thought about it and even though she needs to apologize nothing she can do will ever make it okay what she did is machiavellian levels of manipulation there were so many layers to her plan it scares me how out of nowhere it feels that just shows how calculating she can be someone in the comments on my old post brought up that she basically killed brother-in-law that's really hit home for significant other he says when he read that comment he couldn't deny it anymore she really did manipulate his downfall she didn't force him to drink but she did refuse to let him get sober we don't know how to move past something like that she's dangerous very low contact is easy for significant other now but i worry it will get harder for him over time he agrees that i should be no contact but he wants to stay very low contact because he's her poa so we have two questions for the group one for those couples where one partner is no contact and the other is very low contact how do you manage that are there any tips or advice for navigating this low contact with her what am i setting myself up for two does anyone know if we could get the poa changed so he can go full no contact if she escalates my suspicion is that she's the only one who can control who her poa is we feel like she could use it to manipulate him the mother-in-law story happened with his mom's side of the family his dad's family is only just now learning about it paternal aunt in law is this really eccentric old lady she's like something in a movie we love her to death but she's a character she has life insurance money for more than one dead husband and she had her own successful career as a head nurse and never had kids so she has more money than she knows what to do with she's also known for sending random checks to people for example sister-in-law had some dental surgery and aunt in law sent her 500 to help cover it i think she sends her college nieces and nephews money she was buying a single mom groceries for a while stuff like that significant other had a bunch of guys over saturday night so i studied at school when i got home i saw there was some unopened cards on the counter but i didn't look at them since his friends were there this morning i asked him about them and he said they were from his aunt he showed me that we each got one she gave him some gift cards and a note about being proud of him my card had a 300 check and a note that said i hear you maxed out a credit card for christmas i don't like that one bit i hope this helps so basically she paid off my credit card for me since significant other already paid me back now i have a spare three hundred dollars to squirrel away i'm speechless significant other just sort of chuckled and said that must mean she considers me part of the family now we're driving up to see this side of the family soon and i'm eager to see if any of them will share stories about mother-in-law significant other says there's always been tension there mother-in-law has been her usual pain in the butt self the love bombing has stopped now she thinks she's punishing me by giving me the silent treatment i wonder how long it will take for her to realize i'm good with that significant other is still talking to her because he's not ready for full no contact he basically wants to wean her down to no contact very low contact for him means contact through calls or text only no more visiting her once a week etc since he can just refuse to act as her poa he's decided not to formally refuse the poa just yet because he thinks that would escalate things she'll say we're throwing her away instead the plan is to wait until no contact is firmly established so he can say it doesn't make sense to do this when i don't see you anymore in the meantime he's talking to sister-in-law about taking over for him mother-in-law still doesn't respect that she's not welcome here she thinks it's just when i'm here i leave about an hour before significant other so she waited for me to go to class and ambushed him on friday morning she walked through the garage and into the kitchen like she owned the place he told her she needed to leave because she's not allowed here she seemed shocked by that but she left without complaining i think a cease and desist might be what it takes to get through to her i'll have to discuss it with significant other i was hoping to not need to go that route she doesn't feel dangerous just supremely annoying her danger lies in her ability to control and manipulate and she's quickly losing it everyone in town is talking about the dirty trick she pulled we've still installed cameras and are debating a security system just in case sister-in-law says that she thinks mother-in-law will fizzle out and go away if we can just tolerate her extinction burst long enough so that's the plan i'm skeptical i think we can't discount violence just because she's old the mount vesuvius story has us a little spooked because we hadn't considered that sometimes these women hurt themselves instead background i 22 female have been with my significant other 25 male for a little over four years and we've lived together for almost the entire relationship moved in after four months together dumb move that luckily worked out in that time his mother has never uttered one kind word to me yet is fixated on spending time with me particularly after i received an inheritance significant other and i don't know what to do anymore so i've decided to take the plunge and post to ask for your advice my significant other has one older sibling a brother the favoritism shown to brother-in-law by mother-in-law and to a much lesser extent father-in-law is honestly beyond belief brother-in-law got to attend multiple private schools as he saw fit significant other had to attend public school i'm a public school teacher love public school but as mother-in-law does not this really shows which child mattered more to her when brother-in-law graduated high school he was given a week-long international vacation by his parents when significant other graduated high school his parents purchased themselves a 300 000 house brother-in-law went on to attend a private art school for four years and have his tuition rent bills and all other living expenses paid for by in-laws when it came time for significant other to go to college he was told that even though he was going to a public community college he would have to take out loans and work 12-hour days to pay for his tuition and living expenses because the new house cost too much and in-laws had to conserve money for brother-in-law's college when significant other moved away for college he heard from his mother perhaps a grand total of four times in two years she never even called him on his birthday she drove halfway across the country to visit brother-in-law but wouldn't call significant other who was an hour away from their hometown i say all of this to highlight how involved she was with significant other prior to my arrival however when significant other called to tell her that he had a serious girlfriend me she suddenly couldn't get enough of him she began to call quite often to ask about our relationship and suddenly significant other was invited down to their hometown to attend mother-in-law and brother-in-law's exclusive weekly dinners together as long as i had attended she was just so thrilled that one of her sons had finally found a girlfriend it is so important to her that her boys find themselves women that she cut a photo of brother-in-law dancing with a stranger at a contra dance out of a newspaper framed it and put it on the wall because this stranger was female brother-in-law had never had a girlfriend and she has just tickled pink that he had finally had any contact with a woman probably because of mother-in-law's coddling brother-in-law didn't even have his first kiss until he was 27 about a year ago at the same time significant other brought me down there he was considered somewhat of a casanova in the family and had never really settled with anyone because of this and brother-in-law's unintentional celibacy mother-in-law seemed over the moon that one of her sons had finally found a woman she insisted on seeing me often and wanted to know everything about me this is when the real fun started i knew before meeting her that mother-in-law would not like me once she got to know me even if she loved my personality see mother-in-law is an incredibly traditional reserved passive bigot she has very set ideas on what femininity is which boiled down to pretty and silent she actively steered her sons away from s more on the repercussions of that in a later post and denied the existence of homosexuals other religions and people of color they lived in a small rural town so this was easily done i conversely am a talkative overweight girl who is armenian and jewish and was raised by her two gay dads as i suspected this did not go over well the comments on my weight started early but were always just bec and not something i wanted to confront her on but then we had a conversation where she told me i don't think gays should be allowed to adopt children because i don't like the way gays behave and i feel as though that behavior and gay lifestyle rub off on their children and end up making them act gay i really don't need any more people acting like that there are too many as it is this was still in the stage where i didn't want to cause a fight and so i politely told her it offended me she told me i misunderstood i dropped it and went very low contact i saw her once after that and then didn't see her again for a year and a half that's not to say she hasn't tried to see me however she badge her significant other about it constantly she calls him simply to ask prying questions about my life ask when she can see me again and then hangs up doesn't ask how he is nothing she calls on my birthday but doesn't call on his a few months ago he called her to tell her that he was diagnosed with a genetic disorder that disqualifies him from doing his job he was in aviation and that his career is over and that he's scared because he isn't qualified to do anything else she said verbatim well i'm sure you'll figure something out when did you say fairy is available again she keeps insisting that she must talk to me alone because she feels as though my significant other has a lot of issues that he didn't get worked out as a child and that he's just like his father and that it's very important to talk to me alone about those issues so i know what i'm getting into because as she told me father-in-law never really wanted marriage or children and he cheated on me throughout our marriage and stole my money but i didn't notice the problems until it was too late i need to warn you about significant other now so you don't make the same mistakes i did what a ducking repugnant thing to say father-in-law and significant other could not be more different and the reason that mother-in-law didn't notice those issues with father-in-law is because they were together for less than a year when they got married at which time she was five months pregnant clearly i'm not making the same mistakes she did the thing is she was always obsessed with me but the obsession hit a new level after one of my dads passed away last year i inherited quite a large amount of money we did not tell her the amount but i think she's guessed because she knows that my dad's two brothers challenged me in court from across the country to try to get the money and also because i'm sending significant other back to school for an engineering degree with it today she went out to lunch with just significant other has literally never happened in the four years i've been with him and expressed remorse for her neglectful parenting and expressed how she wanted to get to know me better and apologize to me for her prior behavior he told her about my continuing issues with the comments about gay parents and she promised she's changing her views because she has gay friends now significant other and i feel like that is bs to be honest and that she is trying to be all buddy buddy because now she knows i have money and that significant other will soon have it too she desperately wants to retire she never worked while married to father-in-law and now that they are divorced she has had to go back to work she works nine hours a week as a masseuse and conventions about it constantly she lives on less than 1k a month and insinuates that her sons really shouldn't be okay with allowing her to live like that the problem is brother-in-law is 28 and still lives with father-in-law and is on welfare because he can't get a job with his fine arts degree that was so much more important than significant others and even though he is her gc she can't turn on him she recently has been asking about my inheritance often even going so far as to ask how much it is which i think is hella rude she also has begun to express displeasure with the fact that we don't live closer to her and has said that significant other and i really could be living in something bigger than a one bedroom if you we wanted to she also keeps telling significant other that she may soon need to cut her hours down even more because there is some problem with her back that she refuses to go to the doctor for i feel like she's laying the groundwork to ask to retire and move in with us and live off of us i do have a spine and significant other hates her too so this will never happen i know that some of the things i've described in this post don't seem that bad but trust me this is the tip of the iceberg i guess my question to you all is am i getting worked up over nothing also she's expressed that she wants to get to know me better and talk to me about my problems with her which means her attempts to end my very low contact with her are only going to increase i can't handle dealing with the insults the bigotry the weird attempt to cast a bad light on significant other and especially not her asking for money the thought of seeing her gives me an actual panic attack how would you guys handle this going forward thanks in advance

Channel: Ask Girl

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Keywords: reddit girl, reddit family, reddit entitled parents, reddit, r/entitledparents, r/entitledfamily, reddit brother, reddit sister, reddit mil, r/askreddit, r/, askreddit, askreddit girl, askreddit famil, askreddit parents, askreddit entitled parents, entitled parents, reddit money, r/money, r/family

Id: sihrjbDEeXU

Length: 19min 15sec (1155 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 10 2021