You mentioned me only once and-- [LAUGHTER] So I don't understand-- I wasn't counting. Yeah. But I mentioned you, Ellen. Once, once. And you say in here, you
won the pushup contest. So I can sue for libel. [LAUGHTER] Now you put it in
writing, you know. We have the clips
of me defeating you. Yeah, I know. Look how high up she is. Look how low down I went. Look how long my arms are. Yeah, doesn't matter. All right. All right, I want
to read something, because you really
do-- you talk about-- Are you going to
read the right text? Yes. OK. Yeah, this is not-- You're not going to
make something up that's not in the book? No, this is in the book. OK, I'll let you know. Because this is about
your first kiss. You talk about your first kiss. Oh, OK, with who? [LAUGHTER] Well, you tell me. All right. [SENSUAL MUSIC PLAYING] I arranged my first kiss,
in fact, over the phone. It was with a boy named Ronnell. Ronald? Ronnell. Ronnell. That's a black Ronald. All right. [LAUGHTER] Ronnell. Say it like that. Say, Ronnell. Ronnell. I don't remember which
one of us proposed that we meet outside
my house one afternoon to give kissing a try. But there was no nuance
to it, no shy euphemisms needed to be applied. We weren't going to
hang out or take a walk. We were going to make out. [LAUGHTER] And we were both all for it. How old were you there? Eighth grade. Eighth grade. Duh-nuh. [LAUGHTER] Now, do you know
where he is now? I'm sure someone
will find him now. Ronnell. No, we don't know where he is. Ronnell. I mean-- I tried not to use last names,
so people wouldn't be harassed for the rest of their lives. I told this story very early on
about my very, very first kiss, which was Teddy
in nursery school. And the press hunted
that poor guy down. And I vowed never to mention
anybody else's last name. Well, because you talk--
you've been with a lot of men. There's a lot of-- [LAUGHTER] That is not true. Oh, yeah, there's-- [LAUGHTER] That's not in the book. I mean, yeah, you read it. A lot of men so-- [LAUGHTER] So in the book, you talk
about Malia going to prom. Oh, yeah. Which is-- I just
can't even imagine. Let's set the stage. Yeah, go ahead. You know, their whole
lives were spent trying to have a normal life, go
to soccer matches and birthday parties and sleepovers
and have kids come over, with a security detail. So then prom comes. And Malia asked, can I please
ride with my date in his car, because, at that
point, they had never driven in another person's
car for security reasons. Kids could ride in their car,
but they couldn't accept a ride from someone else. So everything in their
lives is now a discussion. We have to pull in security. We have to talk to
the Chief of Staff, talk to the
Communications Director. And we decide--
my thing was she's got to ride in the car with
her prom date, you know. I mean, come on people. So she gets to ride. So he comes to pick her up. [LAUGHTER] Poor kid. And he's got to come through
the official driveway that dignitaries come when state
visits happen, around the South Lawn, that long driveway up
to the front door of our home, which is like the dip room. We're coming down the
elevator, because, you know, we're in the elevator,
me and Barack and Malia. And she's like, just
be cool, you know. [LAUGHTER] It's like, please,
don't embarrass me. She looked beautiful. I mean, oh, she just was
a vision, is a vision. And Barack's trying not to cry. And he's trying to act cool. And we greet the young
man in a nice tux. And, you know, god
knows what happened to him getting in, because I
tried to make security know he's coming, don't hassle him. I told Malia, make
sure his car is clean, if you know what I mean,
because dogs sniff the car. I said, I don't want
him to be embarrassed. [LAUGHTER] So I said, I don't know the kid. But, you know, he's picking
up at a different house. [LAUGHTER] I had met him, but I
didn't know-him know him. So he comes in. And you can tell he's
a little nervous. And we shake his
hand, take a picture. And they get in the car. And they go off. And then like,
three cars follow. [LAUGHTER] It's like them and then three
cars with men with guns. And Barack was like, this makes
running for a second term all worthwhile. My daughter is being followed
by men with guns to prom. He's like, I'm good. [LAUGHTER]
