IN 1989, OUR FIRST GUEST WENT ON A FATEFUL DATE WITH A CHARMING MUSLIM IMMIGRANT FROM KENYA AND HAD NO IDEA THAT IT WOULD ONE DAY LEAD TO HER BEING FIRST LADY OF THE UNITED STATES. YOU CAN READ ALL ABOUT HER HISTORY-MAKING LIFE IN THIS NEW MEMOIR CALLED "BECOMING." PLEASE SAY HELLO TO MICHELLE OBAMA. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: THERE YOU GO. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: YOU SEE -- YOU SEE HOW -- >> I'M GOING TO CRY. >> Jimmy: YOU SEE HOW MUCH WE MISS YOU? I MEAN, WE REALLY -- WHERE DID YOU GO? >> WE'RE HERE. WE'RE JUST, YOU KNOW, WE'RE IN ANOTHER HOUSE. >> Jimmy: YEAH. WE NEED YOU BACK IN THE OLD HOUSE. >> WELL, THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE LIVING THERE. >> Jimmy: HOW IS UNEMPLOYMENT GOING? ARE YOU EMBRACING IT? >> YEAH, IT'S GOING OKAY AND I WAS JUST TRYING TO THINK OF WHAT WE'VE BEEN DOING, BUT TRUTHFULLY, WE'RE BORING. YOU KNOW? WE HAVE A TEENAGER AT HOME, AND SHE MAKES US FEEL INADEQUATE EVERY DAY. >> Jimmy: NICE. >> SO, OUR SELF-ESTEEM IS LOW. >> Jimmy: CAN I TELL YOU HOW WE FEEL? WE FEEL LIKE -- DO YOU REMEMBER THE FIRST SUPERMAN MOVIE, CHRISTOPHER REEVE, WHEN HE GAVE UP HIS POWERS TO SAVE LOIS LANE'S LIFE AND THEN HE WAS POWERLESS AND THEN HE GOT BEAT UP IN A DINER AND HE HAD TO GET HIS POWERS BACK TO COME SAVE US FROM LEX LUTHOR. THAT'S WHAT WE NEED FROM YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> WELL, THERE'S THIS THING CALLED THE CONSTITUTION. >> Jimmy: WE'VE DISPENSED WITH THAT ALREADY, HAVEN'T WE? WHAT IS HE DOING RIGHT NOW? LIKE, RIGHT NOW, WHAT IS HE DOING? >> MY HUSBAND? >> Jimmy: YES. >> OH, HE'S PROBABLY IN HIS HOLE IN OUR NEW HOUSE. >> Jimmy: IN HIS OFFICE? >> WRITING. HE'S WORKING ON HIS BOOK. >> Jimmy: WHEN I WAS READING ABOUT YOU MENTIONING IN YOUR BOOK THAT HIS OFFICE IS MESSY AND DISORGANIZED, IT GAVE ME LICENSE TO HAVE A MESSY AND DISORGANIZED OFFICE BECAUSE MY WIFE -- >> WAS IT LIKE THAT BEFORE? >> Jimmy: IT'S A DISASTER BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE, THE PRESIDENT DOES THAT TOO. >> GOOD. CLEAN UP YOUR OFFICE. >> Jimmy: IT SEEMS TO ME -- >> IT'S ANNOYING. >> Jimmy: ARE YOU SENDING A MESSAGE? >> I'M HERE FOR MOLLY. >> Jimmy: TO YOUR HUSBAND THROUGH ME? >> NO, GET YOUR STUFF TOGETHER. >> Jimmy: I WISH I COULD. I REALLY DO. IT APPEARS BASED ON SOCIAL MEDIA THAT YOU ARE REALLY FOLLOWING BEYONCE AROUND THE COUNTRY, GOING TO HER CONCERTS. >> YES. >> Jimmy: IS THAT WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW? >> IT'S AN EXCELLENT ACTIVITY. >> Jimmy: BESIDES YOUR HUSBAND AND DAUGHTERS, WITH WHICH CELEBRITY DO YOU TEXT MOST OFTEN? >> OH. YOU KNOW, THERE'S -- I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU, BECAUSE THEN, YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE YOU DON'T TEXT AND TELL. >> Jimmy: THAT'S NOT A THING. THAT'S NOT -- YOU JUST MADE THAT UP. >> I HAD DEPENDS ON WHAT'S GOING ON, LATELY, BECAUSE OPRAH KICKED OFF THE BOOK TOUR, AND SHE WAS AN EARLY READER. I'VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF TEXTING. GAIL IS A WORRIER, SO A LOT OF TIMES SHE'LL CALL, LIKE, WHAT THE -- >> Jimmy: OH REALLY? >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: OPRAH AND GAIL. THAT'S PRETTY SOLID. >> THOSE TWO. >> Jimmy: YOU SAID BARACK IS WORKING ON HIS BOOK RIGHT NOW. DID YOU GUYS EVER HAVE A SITUATION WHERE YOU FIGHT OVER AN ANECDOTE? LIKE I WANTED THAT FOR MY BOOK. >> SINCE MY BOOK WAS FIRST, HE LOST ON ALL THAT. >> Jimmy: YOU GET FIRST DIBS ON ALL THAT. >> ON ALL THE GOOD STUFF. >> Jimmy: AND WOULD IT CAUSE A RIFT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP IF OPRAH DOESN'T PUT HIS BOOK IN HER BOOK CLUB? BECAUSE SHE DID IT WITH YOURS. >> IT MIGHT HURT HIS FEELINGS BUT HE'LL GET OVER IT. >> Jimmy: THE BOOK IS NUMBER ONE ON AMAZON. THAT'S GOT TO BE AN EXCITING THING FOR YOU. >> THAT'S CRAZY. >> Jimmy: BY A LOT, I WOULD IMAGINE. WAS IT FUN TO WRITE THE BOOK? >> IT WAS MORE FUN THAN I THOUGHT. BECAUSE HERE'S THE THING. RARELY DOES ANYBODY GET TIME, AND THEY GET PAID TO REFLECT. >> Jimmy: THAT'S TRUE. >> AND REFLECTING, I FIND, IS VERY IMPORTANT, BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS, FOR THE LAST DECADE, THERE WAS NO TIME TO EVEN REALLY THINK ABOUT WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO US. YOU KNOW, I WRITE ABOUT THE FACT THAT, YOU KNOW, THE WEEK WOULD START, SOMETHING AMAZING WOULD HAPPEN, AND THEN BY THE END OF THE WEEK, I WOULD HAVE FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT THAT OTHER AMAZING THING. I MEAN, OUR DAYS WERE FULL. WE WERE JUST INUNDATED. SO, COMING OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE, YOU NEEDED THAT TIME TO TAKE STOCK AND SAY, WHAT JUST HAPPENED? WHAT WAS THAT? AND THIS BOOK ALLOWED ME TO DO THAT AND TO REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT THOSE EIGHT YEARS MEANT TO ME, PERSONALLY, AND HOW IT FIT INTO THE CONTEXT OF THE REST OF MY LIFE. SO, THAT WAS SOMETHING I NEEDED. IT WAS THERAPEUTIC FOR ME. >> Jimmy: AND SUCH A BIG PART OF YOUR FAMILY, YOUR DAUGHTERS BEING SO YOUNG WHEN -- HOW OLD WERE YOUR DAUGHTERS ON THE DAY YOU STARTED LIVING IN THE WHITE HOUSE? >> THEY WERE 7 AND 10, AND I HOPE I GET THAT RIGHT, BECAUSE THAT'S -- >> Jimmy: YEAH. >> BUT THEY LIVED IN THE WHITE HOUSE LONGER THAN THEY LIVED IN ANY HOUSE THAT WE LIVED IN. >> Jimmy: YOUR MOM MOVED IN, LIVED THERE THE WHOLE EIGHT YEARS WITH YOU. >> RELUCTANTLY, BUT SHE STAYED. SHE TRIED TO GET OUT. IT'S LIKE, NOPE, LOCK THE DOORS. >> Jimmy: AND WHAT YEAR DID SHE TRY TO GET OUT? HOW FAR IN? >> YOU KNOW, SHE FELT LIKE BY THE TIME SHE WASN'T TAKING THE GIRLS TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, THEY WERE BOTH IN MIDDLE SCHOOL, SHE THOUGHT, I CAN GO, RIGHT? AND I WAS LIKE, NO, NOT YET. SO WE LET HER GO HOME IN THE SUMMER. IT'S LIKE, YOU CAN HAVE A SUMMER BREAK BUT YOU GOT TO COME BACK AND I WOULD CALL HER, LIKE, YOU'RE COMING BACK, RIGHT? >> Jimmy: IF AND WHEN SASHA OR MALIA BECOME PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. >> OH, GOSH, THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. >> Jimmy: DON'T SAY THAT. DON'T SAY NEVER. >> I CAN SAY NEVER WITH THOSE TWO. >> Jimmy: YOU WOULD NOT MOVE IN WITH THEM OR WOULD YOU MOVE IN WITH THEM TO HELP THEM? >> I WOULD. >> Jimmy: YOU HAVE TO NOW. >> WELL, IF THEY HAD KIDS. I MEAN, THAT'S THE ONLY -- MY MOTHER WASN'T HELPING ME. SHE WAS HELPING HER GRANDCHILDREN. >> Jimmy: GOT YOU. I UNDERSTAND. >> I WOULD, BECAUSE THEY WOULD NEED THE HELP. >> Jimmy: DID THE WHITE HOUSE DOG KNOW HE WAS THE WHITE HOUSE DOG? >> HE ACTED LIKE HE DID. HE'S AN ODD -- HE'S AN ODD DOG, BECAUSE -- AND BARACK, YOU KNOW, HE CRITICIZES BO A LITTLE BIT BECAUSE HE IS ODD. HE HAS AN ALOOFNESS TO HIM. IT'S ALMOST SORT OF LIKE, DON'T TOUCH ME. I AM A BO. DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM? HE WOULD PRANCE AROUND THE WHITE HOUSE. HE HAD A SCHEDULE. BOTH THE DOGS DID. THEY WOULD GET PICKED UP. >> Jimmy: AN OFFICIAL SCHEDULE? >> YEAH, I WOULD DO BRIEFING REQUESTS FOR THEM. THEY HAD TO GET MY PERMISSION, BUT I WOULD FIND, YOU KNOW, IN MY BRIEFING BOOK, IT WOULD BE, CAN BO AND SONNY STOP BY THIS PRESS EVENT AT 2:30. THERE WOULD BE A TIME. AND I HAD TO APPROVE OF IT. SO THEY'D GET PICKED UP AND THEY'D HANG OUT WITH THE GARDENERS FOR THE DAY AND WHEN THEY WERE AT HOME, THEY WERE MOMMY'S DOGS, BUT IF THEY WERE WORKING WITH THE FELLAS, THEY WOULD IGNORE ME. DON'T TOUCH ME. I'M AT WORK. I'M BUSY. >> Jimmy: ONE OF THE MOST INTERESTING THINGS I LEARNED FROM YOUR BOOK IS THAT THE PRESIDENT AND FIRST LADY, FAMILY, YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR YOUR FOOD WHILE YOU'RE IN THE WHITE HOUSE. >> YEAH. GO FIGURE. >> Jimmy: THAT'S CRAZY TO ME. >> WELL, IT IS AND IT ISN'T. IT'S BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW IT AND MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO LIVE IN THE WHITE HOUSE. ONLY 45 FAMILIES HAVE DONE IT. BUT TRUTH -- RENT IS FREE, STAFF IS FREE, YOU KNOW, WE SHOULDN'T BE MOOCHING OFF OF THE TAXPAYERS. >> Jimmy: SO YOU'RE OKAY WITH THAT? >> YEAH, BUT IT'S A LITTLE SHOCKING BECAUSE NOBODY REALLY TELLS YOU THIS STUFF AND THEN THEY LET YOU GET WHATEVER YOU WANT, LIKE, IF YOU SAY YOU WANT SOME EXOTIC FRUIT, YES, MA'AM, WE'LL GET THAT RIGHT AWAY, AND THEN YOU GET THE BILL FOR A PEACH AND IT'S LIKE, THAT WAS A $500 PEACH. YOU KNOW? I WOULD TELL BARACK, BARACK, DO NOT EXPRESS PLEASURE FOR ANYTHING UNTIL -- UNLESS I KNOW HOW MUCH IT COSTS. >> Jimmy: WOW. >> SO, THEY'RE VERY RESPONSIVE AT YOUR EXPENSE. >> Jimmy: YEAH. >> BUT I -- IN ALL FAIRNESS, IT'S LIKE THE TAXPAYERS SHOULDN'T -- IF WE WANT A CERTAIN KIND OF JAM OR JELLY, WE SHOULD PAY FOR THAT. >> Jimmy: YEAH, BUT IF YOU'RE GOING SMUCKERS, IT SHOULD BE FREE. WE'RE GOING TO GET INTO OTHER IMPORTANT THINGS THAT ARE IN THIS BOOK. THE BOOK IS CALLED "BECOMING." MICHELLE OBAMA IS HERE WITH US. MICHELLE OBAMA IS HERE. CLETO, I DO WANT TO SAY, MRS. OBAMA GAVE YOU GUYS A VERY NICE COMPLIMENT DURING THE BREAK. AND YOU MENTIONED IN THE BOOK THE FIRST ALBUM YOU EVER BOUGHT WAS STEVIE WONDER. >> MY GRANDFATHER, SOUTH SIDE. >> Jimmy: SOUTH SIDE OR WAS IT EAST SIDE? >> HE WAS -- IT WAS WEST SIDE. ME AND MY BROTHER DISTINGUISHED BETWEEN MY MATERNAL GRANDFATHER AND MY PATERNAL GRANDFATHER. ONE LIVED ON THE SOUTH SIDE AND ONE LIVED ON THE WEST SIDE AND HE WAS WEST SIDE UNTIL HE MOVED TO THE SOUTH SIDE AND BECAME SOUTH SIDE. YOU CAN READ ALL ABOUT IT. >> Jimmy: IF YOU WANTED TO GET SOMEONE IN YOUR HUSBAND'S ADMINISTRATION FIRED, HOW WOULD YOU -- >> WHY -- WHY DO YOU ASK? >> Jimmy: JUST CURIOUS. JUST WONDERING IF THERE'S SOMEBODY THAT RUBBED YOU THE WRONG WAY, WOULD YOU SEND THEM A LETTER? >> WE HAD WONDERFUL PEOPLE IN OUR ADMINISTRATION. >> Jimmy: AND YOU NEVER HAD A SITUATION LIKE THAT. >> NOT ONCE. >> Jimmy: NOT EVEN ONCE. I DON'T BELIEVE THAT FOR A SECOND. BUT WE PLAY A GAME ALMOST EVERY DAY HERE AT OUR SHOW, AND THEN MY WIFE AND I PLAY IT AT HOME. THE GAME IS -- DOESN'T REALLY HAVE A TITLE, BUT IT'S BASICALLY CALLED, WHAT IF OBAMA HAD DONE THIS? >> OH, GOD, WE PLAY THAT AT HOME TOO. >> Jimmy: YOU DO? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THAT WAS REALLY MY QUESTION. DO YOU PLAY THAT ONE AT HOME? >> YES. QUITE OFTEN. >> Jimmy: I KNOW YOU'VE SAID REPEATEDLY YOU WILL NOT RUN FOR OFFICE, BUT HAS ANYONE EVER REALLY, LIKE SERIOUSLY APPROACHED YOU AND TRIED TO CONVINCE YOU TO RUN FOR OFFICE? >> ALL THE TIME. >> Jimmy: LIKE, I MEAN -- I'M SURE -- I'M TALKING ABOUT, LIKE, THE HEAD OF THE COMMITTEE OR BARACK OR HILLARY OR SOMEBODY LIKE THAT. >> NO, BARACK KEEPS THOSE PEOPLE AWAY FROM ME. >> Jimmy: HE DOES. >> YEAH. NO, I'VE NEVER HAD ANY SERIOUS CONVERSATIONS WITH ANYONE ABOUT IT, BECAUSE IT'S NOT SOMETHING THAT I'M INTERESTED IN. OR WOULD EVER DO. EVER. >> Jimmy: YOU SAID SOMETHING VERY INTERESTING, I THOUGHT, ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND IN YOUR BOOK IS THAT ON HIGH-PRESSURE DAYS, HE WOULD BE AT HIS MOST RELAXED AND HE WOULD BE THE FRIENDLIEST ON THOSE DAYS. WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS? >> ON HIS BUSIEST DAYS. >> Jimmy: YEAH. >> BECAUSE THAT -- THAT'S WHAT FUELS HIM. HE'S A GRINDER, YOU KNOW? I THINK -- AND YOU KNOW, I THINK HE FEELS MOST FULFILLED WHEN HE'S FULL, WHEN HIS PLATE IS FULL. I CALL HIM A PLATE SPINNER, YOU KNOW, THOSE JUGGLERS THAT KEEP SPINNING THOSE PLATES AND IF ONE IS STARTING TO WOBBLE, HE SPINS IT AND IF EVERYTHING'S GOING OKAY THEN HE'LL PUT ANOTHER PLATE UP. I THINK HE GET HIS ENERGY -- >> Jimmy: IS HE DOING THAT AT HOME NOW, LIKE LITERALLY WITH THE CHINA? >> NO. >> Jimmy: HE IS NOT DOING THAT AT HOME. DO YOU HAVE A SECRET, LIKE, INSTAGRAM OR FACEBOOK OR PAGE LIKE THAT? >> WELL, IF I TOLD YOU, IT WOULDN'T BE A SECRET. NO, I DON'T. I MEAN, I'M BARELY GOOD AT THAT STUFF ANYWAY. I MEAN, I HAVE AN INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT AND A TWITTER ACCOUNT, OBV OBVIOUSLY, BUT YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO GET PERMISSION TO USE IT FROM MY STAFF. >> Jimmy: I SEE. >> THEY DON'T TRUST ME WITH IT. >> Jimmy: SPEAKING OF PERMISSION, IN THE BOOK, YOU TALKED ABOUT THREE KIDS. ONE OF THEM WAS A GIRL NAMED DIDI WHO YOU FOUGHT, SHE WAS A BULLY AND YOU FOUGHT HER. >> MY FIRST FIGHT. >> Jimmy: THEN THERE WAS A BOYFRIEND YOU SMOKED POT WITH AND THEN THERE WAS A BOYFRIEND THAT YOU BROKE UP WITH BECAUSE HIS GOAL, HIS CAREER GOAL, WAS TO BECOME A MASCOT FOR, LIKE, THE CLEVELAND BROWNS OR SOMETHING. RIGHT? >> YES. >> Jimmy: NOW, DO YOU CALL THOSE PEOPLE BEFOREHAND OR REACH OUT TO THEM IN SOME WAY TO GO, GUESS WHAT? >> NO, NO. NO, I DID -- AND I DIDN'T USE LAST NAMES FOR THAT REASON, ALTHOUGH SOME PEOPLE WILL KNOW WHO THEY ARE. >> Jimmy: YEAH, RIGHT. >> SO IT'S UP TO THEM TO OUT THEMSELVES. BUT I DID GIVE BOOKS TO -- SEND BOOKS TO EVERYBODY WITH KIND OF A NICE NOTE LIKE, THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME BECOME. OKAY. >> Jimmy: DID DIDI GET A BOOK? >> I THINK SO. WE'RE TRYING TO TRACK EVERYBODY DOWN, SO -- BECAUSE THESE ARE PEOPLE -- YOU KNOW, THIS WAS IN CHILDHOOD. THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN YESTERDAY. I WASN'T FIGHTING IN THE BACKYARD. IT WAS WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KID SO IT TAKES A SECOND TO FIND EVERYBODY. SO I'M NOT SURE IF EVERYBODY'S GOTTEN A BOOK, BUT WE TRIED TO GET EVERYBODY A BOOK. >> Jimmy: GOT YOU. >> AND THEN IF THEY CALL AND THEY WANT TO FIGHT AGAIN BECAUSE OF -- >> Jimmy: THEN PAY PER VIEW. YOU HAD TO BE VERY CAREFUL WHEN YOU'RE A FIRST LADY. I SPOKE TO YOUR HUSBAND ABOUT THIS ALSO, BECAUSE HE JOKES AROUND A LOT, BUT THEN YOU REALIZE, LIKE, OH, I HAVE TO MAYBE REEL IT IN BECAUSE OF THE POSITION I HAVE. BUT YOU'RE NOT FIRST LADY ANYMORE. >> I AM NOT. >> Jimmy: AND AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, YOU CAN CUT LOOSE AND REALLY SAY ANYTHING NOW, RIGHT? >> YES. >> Jimmy: SO WHAT I'VE DONE IS I'VE GOT A SERIES OF CARDS HERE. >> WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? >> Jimmy: I'VE WRITTEN SOME THINGS DOWN AND IF YOU ARE -- >> YOU'VE WRITTEN SOME STUFF DOWN. >> Jimmy: IF YOU'RE GAME FOR THIS, MAYBE HERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT YOU CAN SAY. >> YOU WANT ME TO LOOK AT THOSE CARDS AND JUST READ -- >> Jimmy: DON'T LOOK AT THEM. JUST READ WHAT I WROTE. START WITH THAT ONE. AND LOOK AT THE CAMERA RIGHT THERE SO WE FEEL -- LOOK AT THAT ONE. SORRY. YEAH. >> I'VE NEVER EATEN A VEGETABLE. >> Jimmy: I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT. HERE'S ANOTHER ONE. >> THAT'S NOT TRUE. THE WHOLE EIGHT YEARS WE WERE IN THE WHITE HOUSE, WE USED LAURA BUSH'S NETFLIX PASSWORD. >> Jimmy: REALLY? WOW. A REVELATION. >> LAURA, SORRY. SEND ME THE BILLS. >> Jimmy: THERE YOU GO. >> I'M NOT SURE WHICH ONE'S SASHA AND WHICH ONE'S MALIA. YOU KNOW, THEY AGREE. THEY GET SO MAD EVERY TIME I MESS THEIR NAMES UP. I'M LIKE, WHO ARE YOU. >> Jimmy: PART OF BEING A PARENT. >> THE GAME THAT SASHA PLAYS WITH ME IS THAT WHEN WE'RE WITH A LOT OF PEOPLE, SHE'LL CALL ME MOM, MOM, MOM, AND I DON'T HEAR AND SHE'S LIKE, MICHELLE. MICHELLE OBAMA. AND I LOOK UP AND SHE'S LIKE, SEE? >> Jimmy: COUPLE MORE. THESE ARE IMPORTANT. >> I STOLE THE PHRASE, WHEN THEY GO LOW, WE GO HIGH FROM THE BACK OF A SNAPPLE CAP. >> Jimmy: TWO MORE. >> BARRY, BE QUIET AND HOLD MY PURSE. >> Jimmy: AND YOUR FINAL OUTRAGEOUS STATEMENT TO MAKE NOW THAT YOU'RE NO LONGER FIRST LADY. >> CLOONEY IS MY FREEBIE. >> Jimmy: MICHELLE OBAMA, EVERYONE. THIS IS HER BOOK, "BECOMING." IT IS AVAILABLE NOW.
