>> Stephen: HEY EVERYBODY! WE'RE BACK WITH MICHELLE OBAMA. AUTHOR OF THE NEW BOOK, "BECOMING" AVAILABLE NOW. "BECOMING" AVAILABLE NOW. HE WAS NAMED BARACK OBAMA. >> THAT'S THE GUY. >> Stephen: YOU STARTED DATING HIM. DO YOU RECOMMEND WORKPLACE ROMANCES? (<i> LAUGHTER</i> ) >> YEAH! >> Stephen: JUST IN CASE ANYONE FROM H.R. IS WATCHING. >> THEY WORKED OUT FINE FOR ME. YEAH, YEAH. E WASN'T HOT ON THE IDEA OF MARRIAGE. >> YOU KNOW, HE-- HE WAS MORE HOT ON IT. HE WAS JUST BEING HIMSELF-- HE MADE AN ARGUMENT OUT OF IT, RIGHT? >> Stephen: HE MADE AN ARGUMENT THAT MARRIAGE WAS NOT NECESSARY. >> EXACTLY. >> Stephen: THAT'S NOT THE SORT OF THING YOU WANT TO HEAR, THOUGH. >> WELL, EXACTLY, THAT WOULD SPARK AN ARGUMENT, WHICH HE LIKED TO DO. SO WE WOULD HAVE THESE DEEP DISCUSSIONS ABOUT WHETHER MARRIAGE WAS REALLY NECESSARY IF TWO PEOPLE REALLY LOVED EACH OTHER, AND HE WOULD MAKE HIS LAWYERLY ARGUMENTS. AND I WOULD BE IRRITATED. AND THAT'S HOW HE DECIDED TO PROPOSE TO ME, BY STARTING THAT ARGUMENT AT DINNER ON-- ON THE NIGHT HE-- >> Stephen: HE RAISED THE IDEA. >> HE WAS LIKE, "YOU KNOW, LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS MARRIAGE THING AND HOW, YOU KNOW, I'M NOT SURE IT'S REALLY THAT..." AND HE GOT ME REVVED UP -- >> Stephen: YOU GUYS WERE OUT AT DINNER. >> A DINNER SUPPOSEDLY CELEBRATING THE IN FACT HE HAD FINISHED THE BAR EXAM. SO THIS WAS A CELEBRATORY DINNER. AND SO HE -- >> Stephen: HE BRINGS IT UP OUT OF NOWHERE. >> HE PICKS A FIGHT. <i> ( LAUGHTER )</i> AND SO I DELIVER BECAUSE I, TOO, AM A LAWYER. AND I HAVE MY POINTS TO BE MADE. SO I WAS IN FULL MAKING MY POINT, AND I WAS LIKE, "AND 3, AND "A," AND IF YOU THINK, AND DA-DA-DA." AND BY THEN DESSERT WAS COMING OUT. AND THE WAITER PUT A PLATTER IN FRONT OF ME WITH A LITTLE BOX WITH A RING ON IT. AND MET MIDDLE OF THE ARGUMENT I WAS LIKE, "WHAT! WHAT! " <i> ( LAUGHTER )</i> AND I OPENED IT UP-- HE OPENED UP THE BOX, AND HE SAID, "NOW THAT OUGHT TO SHUT YOU UP." <i> ( LAUGHTER )</i> <i> ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )</i> IT DID. >> Stephen: THAT'S NICE. >> IT DID. >> Stephen: THAT'S NICE. NOW, YOU WERE A PARTNER, YOU KNOW. YOU HAVE VERY MUCH OF A PARTNERSHIP MARRIAGE, AND YOU WERE A SOUNDING BOARD FOR YOUR HUSBAND WHEN HE BECAME PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. WAS THE SOUND YOU MAKE ALWAYS A HAPPY SOUND OR DID HE BOUNCE IDEAS OFF OF YOU AS PRESIDENT AND YOU GO, "I DON'T LIKE THAT." >> YOU KNOW, I TRIED TO MAKE HOME A SAFE PLACE FROM THE POLICY TALK. I-- I DIDN'T WANT TO BE YET ANOTHER PERSON IN HIS EAR SAYING, "YOU SHOULD DO THIS. AND YOU SHOULD DO THAT." I MEAN, EVERYONE IN THE WORLD THINKS THAT THEY CAN COACH THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. IT'S ALWAYS AMAZING TO ME. IT'S LIKE PEOPLE WON'T TELL THEIR DENTIST WHAT TO DO, BULL OF BUT THEY FEEL THEY CAN-- YOU KNOW, THEY KNOW MORE THAN THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF WHEN IT COMES TO A LOT OF ISSUES. SO HE WOULD GET A LOT OF THAT-- C.E.O.s AND HOT-SHOT FOLKS AND EVERYBODY COMING BY TELLING HIM, "YOU SHOULD DO THIS BETTER AND YOU SHOULD DO THIS DIFFERENTLY." AND I FELT LIKE WHEN HE CAME UP THAT ELEVATOR AND CAME HOME FOR DINNER THAT WE WOULDN'T DO THAT AT OUR DINNER TABLE. >> Stephen: SO YOU WOULD NEVER SAY WHEN HE CAME IN, "I KNOW WHAT YOU DID AT WORK TODAY." >> NO, IF I WANTED TO-- IF I WANTED TO DELIVER A REAL MESSAGE I DID IT THROUGH STAFFS. SO I HAD MY CHIEF OF STAFF TALK TO HIS CHIEF OF STAFF, WHICH WAS THE SAME THING, ESSENTIALLY, BUT IT AVOIDED US HAVING DISCUSSIONS ABOUT STUFF AT HOME. >> Stephen: THAT'S NICE. >> SO WE HAD-- WE HAD INTERMEDIARIES WHEN IT CAME TO BUSINESS. IT'S LIKE, "GO TELL THEM..." <i> ( LAUGHTER )</i> >> Stephen: WOULD YOU, LIKE-- LIKE WHAT SORT OF THINGS WOULD YOU HAVE YOUR STAFF TELL HIS STAFF? LIKE, GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE ABOUT ANYTHING. <i> ( LAUGHTER )</i> >> I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING OFF OF HAND. WE DON'T HAVE TIME. <i> ( LAUGHTER ).</i> >> Stephen: DO WE HAVE TIME? I'VE BEEN TOLD WE HAVE PLENTY OF TIME. <i> ( LAUGHTER )</i> <i> ( APPLAUSE )</i> NOT-- >> IT'S LIKE, "WE HAVE TIME." >> Stephen: PLENTY OF TIME. NO? >> THAT'S PILLOW TALK. >> Stephen: OKAY, OKAY. >> THAT'S OFFICE PILLOW TALK THAT I WON'T SHARE. IT'S NOT IN THE BOOK, BUT I TENDED TO TRY TO STAY AWAY FROM TELLING MY HUSBAND WHAT TO DO FROM A POLICY PERSPECTIVE. AND HERE'S THE THING-- I USUALLY AGREED WITH HIM ON EVERYTHING HE DID. I-- I-- I THOUGHT THAT HIS POSITIONS GENERALLY ALIGNED WITH WHAT I BELIEVED -- >> Stephen: AND THE TIMES YOU DIDN'T AGREE? >> IT WOULD BE ON SMALL THINGS. IT WOULD BE ON THINGS LIKE, YOU KNOW, HOW YOU REACH OUT TO THE PUBLIC. YOU KNOW, HOW MUCH FORMAL STUFF YOU NEEDED TO DO. HOW MANY TIMES YOU NEEDED TO DO SOMETHING IN THE ROSE GARDEN VERSUS BEING OUT WITH PEOPLE, YOU KNOW. THERE WAS ALWAYS SORT OF AN OPTICS SENSE ON THE WEST WING SIDE. AND I TELL THE STORY ABOUT OPTICS. IT'S LIKE EVEN WHEN WE WANTED TO DO THE FIRST HALLOWEEN PARTY, YOU'D HAVE PEOPLE ON THE WEST WING WHO WOULD SAY, "SHOULD WE REALLY BE CELEBRATING HALLOWEEN WHEN THERE'S AN ECONOMIC CRISIS?" AND IT WAS LIKE, "IT'S HALLOWEEN, DUDES, COME ON. YOU KNOW. KIDS STILL NEED TO TRICK OR TREAT." SO THERE'S A-- A LOT OF TIMES I WOULD HAVE TO ENCOURAGE THEM TO LIGHTEN UP A BIT. BECAUSE THE COUNTRY NEEDS SERIOUSNESS, BUT THEY NEED JOY AT THE SAME TIME. EVEN WHEN -- >> Stephen: ALSO NEEDS EYE COMPLETELY AGREE. <i> ( APPLAUSE )</i> WHEN PEOPLE LOOK TO THE FIRST FAMILY, F.D.R. SAID THE PRESIDENCY WAS ESSENTIALLY A MORAL POSITION. AND PEOPLE LOOKED TO THE PRESIDENT FOR A MORAL CENTER FOR THE COUNTRY AND TO LOOK TO THE FIRST FAMILY TO SET THAT EXAMPLE. WHAT WAS THAT LIKE? HOW DID YOUR OWN FAMILY'S MORALITY AND THE MORALITY YOU WERE RAISED WITH HERE, HOW DID THAT INFORM THE SORT OF PUBLIC MORALITY THAT IS PART OF BEING THE EXAMPLE FAMILY FOR AMERICA? DID YOU GUYS EVER TALK ABOUT THAT, THE PRESSURE OF THAT? >> WELL, BEING THE FIRST OF ANY-- YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU'RE THE FIRST OF ANYTHING, THE BAR FEELS HIGHER. YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE-- YOU DON'T HAVE ROOM TO MAKE MISTAKES. ONE OF THE THINGS I DON'T TALK ABOUT IN THE BOOK BUT I TALK ABOUT ON THE ROAD IS THAT I DO REMEMBER THAT AT THE END OF-- THAT LAST FLIGHT THAT WE TOOK OUT WHEN I WAS LEAVING FROM THE CAPITOL, AND WE WAVED. WE GOT ON AIR FORCE ONE THE LAST TIME. I FORGOT ABOUT THIS, BECAUSE I DIDN'T PUT IT IN THE BOOK. BUT A FRIEND OF MINE REMINDED ME THEY CRIED FOR ABOUT 30 MINUTES. AND IT WAS JUST THE RELEASE OF EIGHT YEARS OF FEELING LIKE WE HAD TO DO EVERYTHING PERFECTLY, THAT THERE WASN'T A MARGIN OF ERROR, THAT WE COULDN'T MAKE MISTAKES, THAT WE COULDN'T-- THAT WE COULDN'T SLIP, THAT OUR TONE HAD TO BE PERFECT. BECAUSE THAT WAS-- THAT WAS THE BAR THAT WAS SET FOR US. BUT IT WAS ALSO THE BAR THAT WE ALWAYS SET FOR OURSELVES. THINKING THATAS THE FIRST, PEOPLE WILL MEASURE EVERYONE OF OUR RACE, OF OUR GENDER BY WHAT WE DO. AND THERE IS PRESSURE THERETHAT COMES WITH THAT. SO THAT'S HOW WE CARRIED OURSELVES. AND THAT HAD TO TRICKLE DOWN TO ALL OF OUR STAFF. SO THE PRESSURE WAS ON EVERYONE. WE COULDN'T AFFORD TO MAKE A MISTAKE. WE COULDN'T AFFORD TO LOOK CAVALIER. WE HAD TO WATCH OUR LANGUAGE. AND WE ALSO KNEW THAT EVERYTHING WE SAID, WE THOUGHT ABOUT HOW IT WOULD BE VIEWED BY CHILDREN, NOT JUST OUR CHILDREN, BUT ALL OF OUR CHILDREN. WE-- WE KNEW THAT WE-- WE WERE THE MORAL COMPASS, SO WE HAD TO SPEAK CAREFULLY AND CLEARLY AND INTELLIGENTLY, AND WE COULDN'T JUST SAY THINGS OFF THE CUFF. NOW -- >> Stephen: NOW HOLD ON. <i> ( LAUGHTER )</i> YOU KNOW MY NEXT QUESTION. >> SO, SO -- >> Stephen: YOU KNOW MY NEXT QUESTION. <i> ( APPLAUSE )</i> MAY I ASK IT? >> YOU CAN ASK IT. >> Stephen: THE QUESTION IS THAT AS PEOPLE-- PEOPLE WHO TOOK THAT MORAL POSITION SERIOUSLY-- AND TAIS SERIOUS POSITION-- HOW DOES IT FEEL TO SEE THE NEXT OCCUPANT, AT LEAST OF THE OVAL OFFICE, I CAN'T SPEAK TO ANYONE ELSE'S FAMILY, WHO SEEMS INDIFFERENT ABOUT THAT RESPONSIBILITY? >> I HAVE BEEN VERY CLEAR ABOUT HOW I FELT ABOUT THAT. I GAVE A SPEECH ABOUT IT AT THE 2016 CONVENTION. THE QUESTION THAT WE HAVE TO ASK OURSELVES IS HOW DOES THE COUNTRY FEEL ABOUT IT? BECAUSE I DON'T THINK IT MATTERS HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT. I FELT-- I FELT TORN ABOUT IT FROM THE DAY I WATCHED IT HAPPEN. BUT NOW THE COUNTRY HAS TO ASK ITSELF WHAT DO WE WANT? WHAT IS THE BAR THAT WE'RE SETTING FOR OURSELVES? IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU OR I THINK AT THIS POINT. IT'S UP TO THE VOTERS NOW TO FIGURE OUT WHAT DO WE-- WHAT KIND OF MORAL LEADERSHIP DO WE DEMAND IN THE WHITE HOUSE, REGARDLESS OF PARTY, REGARDLESS OF RACE, REGARDLESS OF GENDER, REGARDLESS OF WHERE YOU AREA, WHAT DO WE WANT OUR PRESIDENT TO LOOK LIKE? HOW DO WE WANT THEM TO ACT? AND IF WE VOTE FOR ONE SET OF BEHAVIOR, THEN THAT'S, OBVIOUSLY, WHAT WE WANT. AND SUNTIL WE VOTE DIFFERENTLY. <i> ( APPLAUSE ).</i> >> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE FORMER FIRST LADY MICHELLE OBAMA.
