- I have to tell you something. I discovered recently
I talk to myself. A friend of mine come
up to me the other day and said, I said hi to you
the other day in the street, and you walked right by me,
you were talking to yourself. I said, get out of town! I don't talk to
myself, you know? And he said, yes you do,
you talk to yourself. I do, I caught myself talking
to myself the other day. And I was thinking about it,
and I started watching people now in the street who
talk to themselves. They basically fall
into two categories. The agree-ers and the
disagree-ers, am I right? Those who, like, are in
harmony, and those in conflict, right? The disagree-ers kinda
walk around like this. Right? The agree-ers, congenial types. The agree-ers are like... They agree, right? (applause) So now, there's a
guy, there's a guy, and somebody told me he's
been here about 15 years now. He's on the corner of
Fairfax and Beverly down here in Hollywood,
and I call him the hey man. That's basically
all he says, is hey. He wears no shirt,
nothing, nothing on top, regardless of the weather,
it can be rainy, hail, hailstones are bouncing off
his chest, it doesn't matter, and all he says is hey. He's extended this to himself. Just dropped in, and
dropped a glass right now, as a matter of fact. He stands on the corner
and just like, hey! Hey! Variations of it, you know,
he varies it a little bit, like, hey, hey, hey, but
that's basically all he says, you know, and I mean,
it scares people, rightfully so, people
on the street, like, go around him, you know,
buses stop and back up. And I thought, no one's giving
this man an opportunity. I'm just gonna walk up to him
and I'm gonna check him out. You know, so he's standing
on the corner going, hey! And I said, yeah? And he said, how do I get
to La Cienega from here? (laughter and applause) I'm gonna lose this coat,
it's a little warm in here. We, like I say, I come
from this Irish Catholic, no, I come from a, no, I come
from this Irish Catholic, come on out here. I come from this
Irish Catholic family, about, let's see, 80,
85 of us, I guess. No guilt, though. And, uh. There are a whole
bunch of us, you know, and we used to pack
the kids in the car and go for a little Sunday
afternoon cruise in the car, an old beat-up station
wagon, that's what we had, a station wagon. I mean, the temperature
on a hot July day, it can climb up to 90, 95
degrees in that sucker, and Dad gets a little
testy, you know? Well be nine feet
out of the driveway, we go, okay, this is
great, isn't it, honey? Yes, sirree. My sister, we'd be
about 15 feet out, my sister would go
into her 15-mile whine. You know, mom, mom! Every once in a while she'd go
into her rhythmic I'm hungry. I'm hungry, I'm hungry,
I'm hungry, I'm hungry. Really annoying. My sister had this down. My sister had this whine down. My mother would have to say
the slightest little thing, she'd go into, her
reaction would be, don't you think that
skirt's a little short? Now my dad's starting
to lose it a little bit. Come on, kids, sit
down in the back, get that out of my
hair, all right? Come on, sit down. This is when all
hell breaks loose. At this point, my father
goes, okay, sit down, sit down, sit down in the back! The trick was my father
could drive the car and hit us at the same time. Sit down, you little... He'd follow us in
the rearview mirror. Where'd he go? Where's that little
one with the braces? There! And he'd be swinging all
over the place, you know, and sometimes he'd have
to leave the wheel, you mother (beep)! My mother was very cool. She didn't even have to look up, she'd just be reading a
magazine, she'd go, pow! (cheers and applause) So now there's
mayhem in the thing, I'm one of these guys,
I see these old signs, I go, hey dad, fudge, come on, here we go, dad, fudge, 50 feet! 50 feet, the exit for
fudge, this is it, dad, huh? Fudge, dad, fudge, fudge! What the (beep)! Fudge! Come on! And the psychology is, how
can you not stop for fudge? And I would get no support
from the kids in the car. I'd go, am I the only one
in this car who wants fudge? Back me up, come on! And then my dad's
still trying to hit us. So my dad would level a
little, say, all right, okay, go ahead, do
whatever you want. The next policeman I see,
I stop the car, okay? We'll have a little
talk with the police when I stop the car, okay? And I was not a cool
kid, I'd go, oh god, dad, please, no, god, oh
god, please, dad, no. And you know, I'd
get that crying where you can't catch your breath? I'd go, okay, I won't
cry any more, dad. No, I won't cry any more. Stop crying. I can't stop crying, dad. Stop crying. I can't even (beep)ing
breathe, dad. And my brother was
so cool, he'd go, what, are you gonna
have us put in jail? Come on, they'd throw it
out of court like this, pal, you got no case here. I'm not sure, but I don't
think shoving a Fudgsicle down my sister's underpants
is a criminal offense in this state, all right? Just drive, buddy, we
got it covered back here, don't worry about it. Thanks a lot, have
a good time tonight. (cheers and applause)
Weird how many manic standup comics there were in the '80s.
I think he needed to do a little more blow before his set
That holds up pretty well.
When I saw him in his first film, Night Shift, I knew he was going to be a star.
He touches his nose more than that kid from Dazed and Confused.
Man! I have to say this is incredible. I’ve read a few books, and heard a few interviews that talked about him doing standup. I just didn’t think there was actual video! Thank you for posting this!!
Before anyone hates. Yes I know I should have looked for it. Haha!
Wasn't he already kinda famous by 1981? Like he'd been in TV and movies since '74, including some leading roles, and had been a recurring Character on a Mary Tyler Moore show.
....anyway, great clip!
he goes full beetlejuice several times. https://youtu.be/Kmwvr-P50B8?t=268
Only a year before Night Shift hit theaters.
Note to self...