Michael Jr Comedy Christian Church Comedian

we're got some fun is gonna be so cool I'm excited about being here just talked to pastor Robert he's in Vegas right now so just huh that's his plan you're not in Vegas y'all concerned uh what happened I am excited about being here thinking people watching on TV y'all want to say what's up to all other campuses too I'm there with you I am see them one way that you think is so cool about pastor Robert you guys know this but we're people watching on the internet stuff donors like this do does not pass the plate at church I know some new people here right now be like for real like the plate like they don't pat you just give on your way out that is awesome past us just how pastor Robert row you know soon man but but I'm different I brought my own uh sure Zinn if y'all could come out dr. dr. o security must have got him already I don't know what happened I love pastor Roberts we hang out sometime and you know um I remember him telling about the Holy Spirit I already knew about the Holy Spirit I was filled but he was telling me what it means when you're filled with the Holy Spirit of how makes your life more fuller but I didn't know to what degree he was talking about to allow that his house and I saw a picture of him before he was as full actually I think we got the picture right here so look like he walking on two cigarettes right there I don't know what he's late about ha ha he don't know I got the picture I ain't coming back no more hanging let me back she's a good dude I really loved hanging out pass the robber I just love going to churches just being my family I love being around family a lot of people get on stage in front of a lot of people they don't like to show photos of their family cuz they want to be secret in a window you know I'm cool with that I'm actually I got a picture of my family right here if you want um so yes I saw swings you could take it down now for people digging for thrill I guess that was comedy I was just playing that's not really them some people I go out a little boy looks just like him so it's fun I joke there's uh there's I found I like taking pictures I found a sign that actually is probably let me say this first I want to be clear I'm like I talked about different nationalities but I'm not racist so I'ma be really clear about that you know uh so my best friends are black you know actually like half my friends for black really well I got one friend Oh what do you have black so it's kind of hot that works out so I know how passionate Robert normally do I got to scriptures I got to scriptures and when you turn it to scripture no my brain ain't by water like this Michael jr. ain't bring a Bible well I got I do I got two scriptures we got proverbs 3:5 I'm trying to remember is trust in the Lord you're on the screen trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding and then we've got Romans 12:2 be not conformed to the ways of this world will be transformed by the renewing of your mind those are two scriptures for today they might not have anything to do while I'm talking about today but you want to read them later on that's cool man just some of y'all know my story as a kid it was rough going to church cuz church was a crazy place it didn't make any sense to me I was like what is this I was seven years old my grandmother would force me to go to this church and his dude was up on stage and he talking about I don't know what he talkin about cuz he mad at everybody and I couldn't figure out I figured out why I was mad I finally figured out he was mad cuz he had some phlegm caught in his throat was at the end of every sentence he tried to get it out he'd be like the Lord said act like you know my grandma was wrong with him nobody was teaching it one time I go to churches a dead body in the front nobody explains to a seven-year michael juniors of funerals not Church I'm thinking yo that's how they roll like every third Sunday or so they bring a dead body in as an example do don't stage yell at everybody like we did it remember accent my grandmother grandma happens to the man in a box grandma her whole explanation was he in a better place I'm like what kind of box that he lived in before dude on stage all understood from him was he went to see the King Saul I got he went to see the King did had caught a kids choir was seeing I was in the kids choir not cuz I can sing I was in the kids choir cuz I was a kid and what's wrong we got seen so and very soon we are gonna see the King I want see the King that's what happened to the man in the box so my childhood that church was miserable I turned 14 years old my grandmother did something different instead of forced me to go to church she asked me if I wanted to go I was like let me think this over for a note I'm going to no church that stuff was miserable my shoes didn't fit they were too tight they were like three sizes too small and then she got this thing called a shoehorn what is that for that's nice to be illegal just and my feet just sitting in there my nose all bought up all night just in church last six hours so I said I ain't going to church no grandma I'm not gonna go to church not turn her 15 years old this is hot my turn her 15 years old me and a friend made a pact that we would curse anymore let's be real you don't know none about God you 14 15 years old as soon as you leave the house that's what you do you like bye mommy I love you bye but baby baby baby that's what you do I mean affray made her pet we're not gonna curse see more if you hurt me curse he can hit me in the chest hard as he wanted to and in vice versa do could hit hard I stop cursing immediately I just didn't that we're just like y'all we're just not gonna do it we'd had some fun as 40 year old who do things like any other if we would talk about each other and be like Michael train you got some big feet like oh yeah we use so Darce can i better if you ride a motorcycle you get a ticket for tenant windows right which is why people don't know take a laugh at that joke and I'll I don't know no I can't I'm sorry still funny so we were still kids and we just decided enough get me and my friend we to decide we're not gonna curse then we're gonna fast-forward right so all through high school let me say this all through middle schools really really really hard for me to read i'ma share this I don't share this a lot but it was really hard for me to read let me say it like this I couldn't read like for real like grade school middle school if I saw a word and I didn't know the words I had to figure it out and what I did was I came up with seven different ways to look at one word to determine what the word was I didn't know I was doing it was just happening so if I saw a big word like like the word excite over the doors if I saw that were um it's this comedy calm down I can read now but if I saw a word I didn't order was I would have to figure out the word was so I came from seven different ways to figure out I would look at the font size the color the positioning of the word how people responded to I came up with seven different ways to determine what the word was now I got really fast had in high school I was better at reading but then I got so good at it got to the point where I was able to look at a situation the same situation you look at you're like yo that's what it is I look at it and I see seven different possibilities almost immediately so let's review what the devil really meant for bad in the form of low self esteem as a child who couldn't read God has flipped and turned a good because that's the primary place where I'll pull my comedy from like you may see things one way I'm like yo I see seven different like when I read the Bible I saw that Jesus had a little brother I was like man at Bry owes a lot of pressure his name was James you know everybody's like man James like um he can't be more like Jesus they've never made it what with James new bracelet did they never made that they've never made it are you explaining that joke right now sir you explaining that Joe so now I have this ability look at things seven different ways and uh and I do it a lot like a lot I'll see stuff and it'll just I'll get these random thoughts like I'll see you I'll be like yo this is another thought I'll write the thoughts down and in fact today what I've decided to do is I'm gonna share these thoughts with you but I'm not just gonna share them in a regular way I'm gonna want to introduce you to you another talent that you guys probably weren't even aware that I had uh so this is called random thoughts with Michael jr. these are just my random thoughts and I'm a sharing with you that is that plays or random thoughts with Michael jr. know some of these thoughts you're gonna get some of them you may not get okay but if you don't get listening if you don't get one thought just move on okay and cuz you might miss the next thought okay why are stay-at-home moms always gone if a baby comes out with afro is that considered natural childbirth if a woman gets pregnant in Vegas does the baby have to stay there is the word tofu sharper tried to fool you said Dave Ramsey's website take credit cards where does non local anesthesia come from take your time I met a woman who had one callus on her foot does that make her a unicorn eight out of ten people don't want to be statistics but now they are I've noticed that no one seems to care about the outer city youth take your time I think sometimes people take marble for granite why are there no mirrors in the self-checkout when it comes to sharks what's so great about the white ones hmm a small percentage like that joke and finally if God clapped his hands wouldn't that make a big bang it's just a theory thank you so much thank you very much I'm Michael jr. I appreciate that I was fine me and we got to work on that for the next one so what I thought was a handicap really became a strength like a lot of times we'll have some things that we don't we don't understand it we're going through some stuff but it's only building you up and make you stronger for something else it's like mad cool I got it there's no way if I was regular I could've came up with that stuff I don't even know what regular means sitting when I turned 26 I moved to New York right there's a club in New York that's really hard to get into I hope you guys are tracking I was 7 1 14 15 I'm 26 I moved in New York and others this club and New York the clubs are hard to get into there's a club there called a comic strip live and uh they used to have an open mic on Tuesday nights when I first moved just is a long time ago when I moved in New York the way you get onto the open mic which starts at 7:00 is a comedian start lining up at 6:00 a.m. so they can possibly do 90 seconds in front of the manager in hopes that he'll take a look at him again a month later it's really hard to get into this club so I'll finally get into this club it's finally my turn to perform and his comedian named George Wallace walks in now I love George Wallace but here's the problem with somebody like that walks into the club whoever's next automatically gets bumped I was next I'm about to get bumped the managers walking over to me I already know what he's gonna say he's about to bump me this is where God shows up for the first time in my life well this is where I first notice him the manager says to me Michael listen George Wallace is here you want to go on before him or after him I was like uh let me go on before him so I've gone before George Wallace and I got the audience actually laughing I'm talking about our New York audience if New Yorkers don't like you the way to let you know as I say we don't like you so I got the new girl crowd laughing and then George Wallace comes in and now he's laughing - I'm like oh snap after the show there's a bunch of comedians they're all talking to George Wallace I'm giving him his space he leaves them and comes over to me and he says you're really funny let me ask you a question he said why don't you curse house I uh I don't know with my grandmother walking in his own you know I'm saying that's all I came up with was I gonna say my friend might hit me in the chest I'm a grown man today's head to me said you're really funny I'd love to do a show I love for you to do a show with me and my best friend in a couple nights I was like oh snap who's also gonna show George I even know his best friend was a matter they sent a car to pick me up we go to the show it's it's me George Wallace and Jerry Seinfeld so we do the show I rip it's like three shows I guess three standing ovations I'm like I'm the man yeah afterwards my manager says to me says Michael hey you wanna go to church with me tomorrow like Church I just got three standing ovations what a jerk you was messing this up am I sick of song when I go to church cuz every time I saw Church on TV it was always something wrong with somebody but I almost died and I found Jesus I wasn't about to die where somebody's like I was on drugs and I found Jesus I've never done drugs that's not my story I've never done drugs I've never I've never done drugs I never smoked I stop cursing when I was 14 years old I'm not trying to give out this Jesus stuff then his fiancee asked him to go and she was fine I even know pretty people with the church man I know it was necessary I didn't know the rules you gotta accent she's like Michael jr. would you like to go to church with us I was like absolutely y'all so I'll go to this churches it's about the size of this one the church is huge I couldn't even find the people who invited me so I sit in the back right this dude is up on stage talking about Jesus he's screaming and yelling he don't got no perm dude just talking about Jesus right Jenny did this thing he said can I get a hallelujah you want to air my audience and say hallelujah and it's like 5,000 people in the church so 4999 people say hallelujah and I said I'm saying that I don't know what it means then he said in case there's someone in here too don't know hallelujah means I was like this place is creepy he said it's like the highest praise you can give god I was like wow did he did it then he did this thing he did an altar call right and he said if you want Jesus in your life you know just scream like a baby as we say it um I'm sorry sorry 71 for those watching online as a baby screaming I'm sorry that's confusing to you people like that one notice that's not it's a different Church you got this is different truth he's everyone's easier all you gotta do is believe in your heart confess with your mouth and yet come down like to the front I wanted to go but I was like I got to read the pamphlet first I don't know what this is about right might be a catch of something right cuz I had some friends who became Christian and they turned creepy almost immediately you ever know like some creepy Christmas but you don't know any I'm talking about creepy like you talk to them and as soon as they start talking about God they voice changed at a friend like that like you're something how you doing I'm good man what's up with you can I tell you about the Lord what is wrong with your voice where some people will pray with you without permission you're gonna happen yo you see the gang I was a good game man that game was good man I was so good God we just thank you for being so holy and so awesome look are we praying right now so I ain't want to be like one of them creepy crap I didn't know so I read the whole Bible right you know how I feel about reading so I'm reading a Bible not going to church and I want to go to the author but I told myself I read the Bible first so I read the Bible I'm going through though I read the whole bio at the copyrights the Bible is made in Grand Rapids Michigan me too some rina Bible and renal going through it reading I keep reading and I remember getting to the part of Matthew where I said Jesus died for me yeah I even know it took me like three months to read the Bible had a birthday in February I was dumb 27 years old I am an O Jesus died for people were screaming yelling nobody was teaching not where I could understand it and the dude and I'm like right there in Matthew he died I even know now turn to mark and he died again I'm like what is going on then Luke and John oh I gotta keep killing what they doing got two revelations I got all scared the letters are read I know what was going on man reading the Bible is kind of like paying bills supposed to pay attention to everything but when they show up with some red ink you better do something right now understand some stuff I understand everything but I get I probably understand like a half a percent of the Bible probably a tenth of that actually and a lot of times I'm in green rooms with celebrities and who asked me to be like explain God to me and I'm like mm-hmm do if I could explain God he wouldn't be God I can't explain him for the best the best understand I gave I said God it's kind of like this and this is really this is just ain't even close but God is kind of like just like oh he's like a navigation device in your car you ever been in a car with a navigational device before you ever been in a car before you ever in a car he's gonna like that it navigates and vice your car but says go if you punch in accordance as to where you want to go and it says go ten blocks a turn left then you go ten blocks and turn right it doesn't abandon what you're supposed to do it recalculates what you're supposed to do to get to where you're supposed to be based upon where you are the only problem is if we keep making the wrong turns the road conditions are gonna be different there may be a lot rougher that we're running out of time so you got to make a choice pretty much to change the game about where you're going cuz if you don't know brother you know it or not there's a game going on and you're behind some points you don't even know how much time is on the clock so you gotta change the game when I stood up there when I finally finish reading a Bible actually ran up to the author doing announcements as I go I'm ready right now I got way to the end and that was a game-changing moment for me that changed the entire game cuz now understand I'm not just funny like I'm funny for a reason I mean look at it God literally had a plan long before I knew he had a plan I'm seven years old what I get a taste of Church I don't like it I got all this funny as a result of it but my grandmother was praying I turn 14 years old I decided my own is not curse anymore really imagine how hard it would have been if I would have started doing comedy cursing and now I'm trying to clean it up Oh God was like I know what I want you to do I couldn't I had a heart so I couldn't read I was like I know you're struggling but I want you to look at things differently cuz I've got some for you to do I could have checked out a long time ago good same fear but now I can clearly see it was all about getting me in shape I had to get in game shape so I'm in the game change I was ready I just made that up right now it's awesome god thanks for that was phenomenal house I check it so look this is like because of what I've been through God has given me an additional sensitivity to people similar to me so I try to make things as simple as possible and one morning I was writing jokes I know you imagine people write jokes I was up at like 4 o'clock in the morning writing jokes again when I'm writing a joke I wrote down the word house and God showed me something about a house and they were even a joke any funny like it's like it's real so I think everybody listen to my voice about this house thing this is from this so cool this is what a relationship with Jesus is like this is when you change the game the this is how you change the game basically this is what's going on it's as if everyone in this room and everyone at every single campus and everyone even watching online I'm talking to everyone you gotta listen to this it's as if we're all a house and outside of the house is Jesus and he wants to come in but he'll never force his way in the house he wants you to invite him in the house and a lot of people in this room right now and a lot of people watching you're okay with having Jesus outside the house because then all you got to do is open the door crack it a little bit tell him what you need and you close the door back and then go about your business but he wants to come in the house and one of the main reasons you will not let him in the house because your house is a mess you think you got to clean it up first you've been trying all this time to clean it up and it's still a mess and he knew it was gonna be a mess before you messed it up now you're still trying to clean it up and in fact he's the only one who can clean it up and he's standing outside the door right now wearing an apron with a bucket in his hand waiting on you to invite him in there's some people in this room for some people watching right now who used to have Jesus in the entire house but for some reason or another you decided to a victim completely or you just moved them to one area of the house that one room just a good one we ever been in somebody house they got a good room and got plastic on the furniture it ain't nobody going there it's the good room and a lot of times that room is the room right up front by to bite a big window so when people walk by they like wow the house is clean wow they got Jesus Jesus done had him he's only in that one room and the rest of the house is a mess this one will do on everybody everybody who can hear my voice you can see me right now online I did you just bow your head just for a moment and listen to my voice every hair bow and I just want you to listen my voice and if I'm talking to you I want you to make sure to do something if I'm talking to you and you know that your house is a mess and the Jesus is outside and you won't invite them in on the count of three I'm just gonna actually do something really simple just just put your hand in the air it's almost like someone's like reaching for a door not a door knob I guess you're really short in this I just want you to put your hand in here on a count of three if you're saying yes Jesus come into my house one two three nice and high in the air praise God I see you praise God yes nice and high I see you I got your gosh wow that is phenomenal I see all these hands as awesome all in the back I see you I got you I got you I got you yeah she got two hands up it's awesome cool cool awesome yeah I love it Wow praise God this is phenomenal it's a lot of doorknobs turning right now this is fabulous fabulous all right so listen so everybody I'm talking to the people in Frisco I'm talking to people we even have a church in a high school right now in North Fort Worth that's awesome it's like the most high school and in North Richmond Hills as well so listen this is what I want to do everyone who raised their hand I'm actually doing something else and this is so amazingly important because what you did just now is you just reached out and touched the doorknob but now I'm actually to turn the doorknob and open the door with this next thing I'm actually to do if you raised your hand if you should have raised your hand if you wish you would have raised your hand at all the campuses that are all the locations even online on account of 3 IMAX you guys to stand up and walk your way down here the reason I'm actually to do this is because Jesus essentially says this if you will take a stand for me before men I will stand for you before my father in heaven and if you can take a stand in here it's it's huge because if you can't take a stand in here where we're proud of you it'll be really hard to do it out there and to help with that when I count to three everyone who stand everyone who raised their hand I want you to come down but everyone else in this room is gonna applaud like he doesn't make any sense but it won't even compare to r applause there'll be going on by the angels in heaven 1 2 3 come on down praise God praise God praise God yes praise God come on down come on down even at the top even at the top you can come down to do you come down yes praise God praise God yes praise God praise God yeah yeah come get it yourself yeah yes yes yeah oh pretty good praise God I'm gonna be crying all right I'm not gonna be crying that's I'm not gonna do weird alright so this is this is this is pretty phenomenal for you guys to allow me to be a part of this so we're gonna pray together and then we're going to back and not cry so we're gonna we're gonna pray and if I mess up on the prayer Pastor David gonna fix it cuz I do jokes so listen this is amazing you guys have just made a life-changing decision come on over to listen what what you guys have to understand at every campus what you have to understand we just look we've made a life-changing decision and we just laughed in the midst of it God is not a but God is different than you think he want you to have joy he wants you to laugh he does any-any and he sent me here and he's sending me all over the places little do from Michigan couldn't even read so listen we're gonna pray we're gonna pray I just watch how to repeat after me Pastor David gonna fix it by missile well all right dear guy and if there's someone in the audience who needs the Prater sprayer to my goodness pray this prayer your God thank you for sending your son Jesus Christ to the earth to die for me I believe it and I receive it come into my house come into my heart and have your way and Jesus name Amen I was nineteen years old when I gave my life to the Lord and everything changed I didn't have any desire to go back to that old life I wanted to walk with the Lord and learn more about him and some people helped me to learn the Bible and to learn how to pray and to learn about my new life in Christ and that's what we want to do for you I am so excited that you've given your life to the Lord he's forgiven all of your sins and you're on your way to heaven but we need to learn some things now about the Bible about prayer about some basics of the Christian life so that you can be victorious and live for the Lord like I know you want to so we've designed the class called fresh start and I want to encourage you to sign up for this class because we want to help you grow in your walk with the Lord now I love you and I'm so proud of you

Channel: Pastor Jose Velez

Views: 2,703,033

Rating: 4.806828 out of 5

Keywords: Michael, Jr, Comedy, Christian, Church, Comedian, Apostle, Pastor, Jose, Velez

Id: 0C7L5FEVgjA

Length: 31min 29sec (1889 seconds)

Published: Thu May 02 2013