Meg Parsont Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 3: 1991

now say hello to our friend Paul Shaffers right over there thank you you know David I am especially excited about this particular New Year excuse me fall before I do that I'm splashing on a little Tariq Aziz it's very nice what is the aroma of that exactly all right go ahead well this is a year that excites me to no end because this year has a very unusual character Istanbul that is that this year is a palindrome and I have it right here I show he's the same forwards yeah as it does backwards that's the definition of a palin Wow nice going bowling you know it happened in a hundred and ten years they've not since well not since 1881 as you can see a heavy 1771 I have it right here before that you guessed it it was 1660 61 of course the crazy thing was that before that it hadn't happened in over a hundred years 15:51 was he okay before that how many cards were printed up Paul yeah 1414 okay fine yeah you know the next time it'll happen I have it right down here mm oh good well we'll look for that that's crazy okay yeah did I mention yeah all right now Paul do we have some dialing news yeah before that well 21 [Music] what was that in the hall somebody dropping somebody's making soup in the hall okay here we go we're calling Hal turn on the external camera there it is we're gonna call over there to megaparsec geoworks across the street at the Simon and Schuster building that see do I have that number here that was right here okay everybody in the control room screaming hang up and dial again [Music] okay here we go there's Meg look all over there tonight works for a book publishing company she publishes books she's reaching for the phone oh hi Meg it's Dave how are you hey happy new year happy new year T how you been I'm fine everything okay yeah great who's that guy that just walked down the hall earth that was John from my department John put down the phone and scream John is loved ladies again lovely lot as loudly as well and of course as lovely as you can to try try this Meg John get in here you little cross-eyed weasel try that alright I called his name and now he's saying what oh well just get him in here please come back hurry up Meg you're gonna have to learn how to push these people around very very telling you Stan tell him to stand right there until we're done with you he's right here all right tell him to stand right there to work don't sit down John sitting down listen Meg how was your New Year's it was very nice glad you enjoy a whole host of ballgames oh yeah yeah which one did you want actually I didn't watch any of that week and I watched them this past weekend yeah all the big playoff games yeah why the hell is this what who the hell is this who is this right there what's her name Oh tell Kristen I said hello yeah oh she nearly died didn't she okay so and everything's good you had a nice celebration a nice quiet New Year's well it was nice I thought fireworks there were fireworks over the Hudson oh yeah they they have them in Central Park - it's very nice isn't it I didn't - what are these people want the uncovered he goes somewhere else and fix her hair we got another doesn't anything go on over there there's no who's this guy bring him in here they seem to think that you wanted them here I know I just I'll tell you what the guy sitting down I'll get him oh there's somebody's floating in a bomb threat apparently now listen Meg I'll give that guy 50 bucks if he takes off his shirt what I hear are things at the office he'd do it in a second all right Meg you know you have lovely hair by the way I guess I mentioned that every time we chat don't I yeah yeah look at this it's like we're in an ant farm thank you very much and and you like me pretty well yeah yeah well I'm crazy about you you know that okay well I mean I'm I'm really crazy about you okay how's your boyfriend he's doing very well listen can we paint your office I think that probably wouldn't be such a good idea awesome um because I don't think it's really my property to have painted well what difference is that like this is New York people are always painting things that don't belong to them I know part of that group oh man Oh life good point good point Meg a point well taken can we get some more people in here please oh that's that's what's your name it that's terrorism no that's Mona Mona I am so no Mona hi I'm Laurie yeah and oh yeah you're right there's Karen this really is your busy time of year isn't it actually all right do you want us to paint your office or not I think I'd rather no okay Meg thank you very much here's what I'm gonna do you put the phone down and think about it you talk it over with your friends there I don't think I should because we can we can paint it for it in in like 20 minutes we'll have the office painted in a lovely shade of your choice you know what I mind her own business all right never mind yeah okay but you you think it over we'll do something else and come back to you I don't hang up I'm gonna put you on hold okay I asked you you know I asked me if you wanted to do that yes yeah there it is the category tonight top ten things overheard at the Baker Aziz meeting [Applause] while Meg's making up her mind and we'll do this and then if she wants it painted we'll paint it there we go top ten things overheard at the Baker Aziz meeting at number 10 no it's Garfield he's very popular in our country he'll stick right to your windshield I never nine what the hell is buddy Ryan doing here a number right so if we get out by Friday we get the subscription to Sports Illustrated and the football phone let's see number seven is somebody frying Bologna let's see number six is Saddam is funny in real life as he seems on TV number five I'm sorry mr. Aziz I can't explain norm Crosby number four Yahtzee number three are those are those Bugle Boy jeans number two cut the crap camel boy or the 101st airborne drops down your chimney and and the number one jangle overheard at the baker Aziz meeting in Geneva mr. Gowdy says get out of great [Applause] [Music] [Music] all right so on the program here we have Marv Albert Jacques Pepin papain a pan huh a fan yeah he's one of the Pep Boys one of the original Pep Boys Manny Moe Lou and Jockin all right let's see if Hal turn on that camera let's see hello Meg Hey look at that brain trust now what do you think Meg can we paint the office we'll get we'll get painters in there we'll put a big drop cloth over everything oh it's a kiddy someone as a kitty yeah yeah so can we can can we paint the the daycare center or not I don't think that would be such a great day all right thank you very much Matt good night nice chatting with you we'll talk to you again soon okay all right take care give my best of those kids their party bye-bye there's a Meg [Music] okay real loud well do a commercial we'll be right back here and Marv Albert will begin the show so come on back [Music] [Applause] I thought I thought an emissary from the staff was going to talk her into letting us paint her office what happened well apparently an emissary from the staff does not talk her into letting a CEO well you can't really blame her oh you can't force in this day and age it's the 90s hey you know it was a nutty year though really this one there's there's another good idea [Applause] I am your musical director Paul Shaffer and is everything all right over there anything I get the will during the warm-up hops up on the chairs it is you is it will well i is not much around here i don't know and you get the little of footprints on the chairs and I'm just dusting them off because in in a couple of minutes said Jane Pauley will be out here and we want the everything to be just so for Jane Pauley now don't don't step on it again they're going all right have a nice weekend I feel great you know it's so far I've lost 76 pounds on the Richard Simmons deal in the all program good for you I feel terrific how are you feeling all right now tell me did I dream this or is this actually happening I tuned in this morning the Good Morning America program do you watch that show little I save you watch this it's it's a popular morning show here in the United States I catch it every huge huge audience and then they have the the lovable morning characters they have the Charlie Gibbons they have the Joanne the Joan Charlie that's right no no no so I'm watching this morning and it's very early and you don't know whether you're sleeping and kind of half dreaming it or you're watching it and it's for real or somehow you've distorted what is fact what is reality what is fantasy so they're they're talking about some report about berries and they're talking about have strawberries and blueberries and all kind of berries we call out your favorite berries here by the way thank you hey there's no prizes okay and and so they're talking about how the berries don't taste like hey it's over all right man we got a dining you audience tonight you know everything's changed here they used to have a department here at NBC that took care of the audiences for you they're gone oh by the way if you need me office furniture hang on there's gonna be plenty hang on whatever you need I understand there's gonna be a wide variety to choose from cutting an ex-couple on it's just anything it'll be like shopping go on a shopping spree all the office furniture you want yeah hi so anyway they're talking about berries and I don't know they're the berries something something now they go to the weatherman after the story and he's he's sort of half laughing and he says well you know today it's going to be very very cold this is the Weathermen now I don't know what you think of Willard Scott but I got to believe our weatherman his head and shoulders better than this twit who comes up with this every day so so now now they go to Joan Lunden who's going to introduce the next segment and Joan is convulsing with laughter huh she's really she's and it's going on a little too long and it's a little too enthusiastic and a little too you know you think you're thinking something's wrong and she can't stop she can't stop laughing the next thing I know the guy who does their medical reports what's his name Morty a doctor is he a doctor yeah it's a doctor over there Good Morning America runs on to the set and gives her an injection at the base of her skull that's right and that's the only way she can stop laughing and you're wondering whether or not you dream that or whether it really happened yeah oh how are you in there I'll turn on that external camera yeah that's a Hal Ernie gurney our director and this is looking out the 14th floor across 49th Street here in midtown Manhattan okay let's take a look at the building there's Meg our good friend Meg Parkside over there [Applause] hell they should work for pocketbooks a division of Simon & Schuster publishing okay let's call her you know we had our big what did we have we had our anniversary party you were at the anniversary party this is yeah for a ninth anniversary and I believe Meg was there you're in fact we have a picture of negative Court I'll save that all right let's call meg and shut with the lovely Meg person where's that damn number Lilly that damn number see you kids put that damn number come out there and beat the hell out of you kids you give that damn number it should be the lovely the look at that hair man is the hey Meg it's me your friend Dave how's it going hey can we put you on the air okay wave to America hey there you go [Applause] meg Meg Meg how have you been what's new with you don't criticize the questions alright you just answer them okay and that's the Super Bowl did we talk about the Super Bowl yeah what do you think of that you enjoy that yeah have you had any time off lately as your boyfriend Tony everything good there yeah and your family family is wonderful I sent it all to my knees for Valentine's Day and she loved it that's very sweet how old are you 4 4 years old what kind of a doll wasn't very cute I think she should probably be thrilled with that now who are all those people loitering out there in the doorway it looks like some sort of it looks like one of those Dockers commercials those idiots are walking around talking about being guys and how they enjoy their pants and that sort of thing commercial Meg I understand you were at the big Christmas party I'm sorry the anniversary party yeah and how long were you there you know I didn't get to see you I'm sorry what time did you arrive yeah that's when I arrived I get there about 8 o'clock yeah yeah and I didn't see you did you make an effort to find me I did see you actually you did see me yeah and did you come over and say hello thank you very much Meg now did you have a nice time at the party weren't you weren't you impressed and at the same time troubled by what seemed to be an inordinate number of weasels at the party oh man do you have weasels in publishing well that's the you know that's the sad truth that's what the Bible tells us Meg yeah but that's what sickened me about that party it was with the staff and the crew that's fine and then plane loads of weasels yeah were you drunk yeah okay yeah we have a picture of you at the party and it's you and another woman and I've been told that this is a friend of yours who is the friend you know Sallie Hoffman what does Sallie do she works in another part yeah well it's clear to me from this photo that Sally is in the bag look if I can't have Thursday's off I'm not coming in I've got to have a new schedule a lot of that all night meg I'm glad everything is good with you I'm glad you were able to come to the party I'm sorry I missed you and you know you mentioned it you mentioned it that in a couple of days it is Valentine's Day and if you don't mind because you've been such a wonderful friend a neighbor to us over the last year I would like to send you my very special Valentine and here tonight to deliver it to you is the man who most represents both romance and malt liquor mr. Billy Dee Williams [Applause] [Music] okay Meg I think you have to give the phone there to Billy for the freezer Oh [Music] some Cologne this is a fragrance for women and fragrance for bet buy exclusively from Ava well then you know it must be very very good yeah what else do you have for makeover though she's Fanning herself what else do you have for what else do I have for well I might have to go the closest in your dreams you're closing that blind make me come over there all right who do you have you have some flowers yeah flowers behind you gave her the flowers and I just gave her a colt 45 all the malt like that okay look thanks Billy you're gonna be around over there for a while for a couple of minutes okay all right we'll check back within a couple of minutes ourselves we got other things to do hey will you folks knock it off I'm on the phone here alive what bus did you come in on all right Meg thank you very much don't hang up we'll be with you and I guess [Music] [Applause] what like boat in the blue isn't it uh what are we doing here Morty alright alright well do a oh damn I just hung up on her quick get her back and we get her back quick get her back thank you very much we'll do a commercial and I don't know what the hell we're doing but we'll be right back [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] take your shot of the window house see what's going on everything oh well now look look they're becoming friends isn't that nice as Meg still on the line here is this Meg right here hello Meg hey Meg it's me Dave can you talk yeah how's everything going over everything really wonderful are you enjoying some malt liquor very nice how does that stop hey Meg it's really okay really okay now let's uh let's do our top ten the category tonight top ten other nicknames for Lincoln today today is President Lincoln's birth Miss Ennis he would have been 182 years old today 182 years old early and we have top ten other nicknames so if we're linking well nicknames and he had Honest Abe right uh old thrifty all right what's it hope whatever you say the great Emancipator great a man's a rail splitter the super chief here now we have other nicknames for President Lee did I mention Honest Abe yeah uh yes yes yeah well let that pretty much finishes the category I've done other nicknames for Lincoln did you folks get a chance to meet our announcer bill window bill come on out here [Applause] here just call this one we do right there all the furniture you want a lot of furniture is subtly somehow gonna become available what are you saying I don't know I just know I get some kind of a memo saying Furniture Furniture Furniture oh are we a little late how much the hell anyway see if we edit out these lulls we'd be right on time top ten other nicknames for Lincoln here we go okay keep hearing my voice echoing around this room it's a little off-putting there we go number 10 the a volition assigned Vin Ella Abe you like this Vanilla Ice guy by the way Paul am I gonna have to fight each and every one of you I happen to be a big ice fan eight town car number seven mr. five dollar bill number six Grand Champion four years running White House slam dunk contest number five the Fonz number four Mary Todd's old man hippies only number three Little Debbie number two Illinois babe magnet number one [Music] [Applause] [Music] I think Billy is steamed he would like to go home he doesn't know how to graciously excuse himself say he had a few minutes hello I get out of here is the phone dead you know yeah I hate to think of a Megan full of that malt liquor though think of me full of that malt liquor come to think of it Morty is there some kind of WrestleMania show here tonight ok fine ok let's say about the rest of tonight's program we have Susanna Hoffs hops hops thank you formerly with the bangles is that right yeah okay she'll be out here playing with the band yes Cindy high spirited tune she's great or a real hand clapper it's a terrific song we look forward to it she's not wearing any underwear just keep that in mind when she comes up and also British actor comedian Robbie Coltrane Paul underwear on this guy I didn't explore that one this tomorrow hey hey tomorrow as long as you're jotting this stuff down tomorrow well the Blues travelers will be here oh they are a terrific new group yeah trade Tracey Ullman will be here she's a terrific guy and we have a dog from the Westminster Kennel Club show they will be fabulous now now Morty Morty when we have these dogs on people expect them to do something will they do something they'd look great I know I know Marty that's why we have you no but are the dogs going to do something they look great they come out they were watering it up I'm telling you right now that ain't enough we don't do something yes they'll do something oh how about that they'll be doing something let's see let's take a look and see if Billy Dee has uh split the gig yet I'll turn him on okay this poor guy he's thinking yeah I'll drop by I'll do eight minutes and it'll be in a cab I'll be downtown having dinner by the time the show hits and there he is over there talking with Meg all right let's do a commercial and then we'll bring out the Susanna Hoffs [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] all right my thanks to robbie coltrane Susanna Hoffs and Jane Pauley listen when you're ever visiting the United States please come by the show thank you so much chatting with you and our thanks to Megan Billy Dee Williams you know I I read nine newspapers a day oh yeah nine newspapers every day covered oh yeah I'm a voracious reader I'm kind of a news junkie yeah all right that's the show for tonight good night everybody [Music] [Applause] [Applause] thank you very much David how are you good alrightlet's I'm marvellous I've had a lot of requests for this I wasn't gonna do it again because so many people requested it I'm gonna do it again yeah this is the show fishing hole with Jerry McGinnis and Jerry's guest is Bobby Knight basketball coach I never miss so here here's Jerry McGinnis whoo there you go coach here's Bobby now yeah he's a beauty that's 95 percent of that show right there right whoa there you go coach yeah he's a beauty the whole show ask me about my weekend yeah this last weekend oh that's no the weekend that I was 13 back in Indianapolis now I forgot that it this is our first day back from a week something wrong with that camera shot of yours ball is that the shot we normally have you on over there where you're sort of tilted toward the Sun well it's like I'm my Catskills a PR sure yeah you know I like it it's very kaskus last week we talked about I'm gonna go this is the summer that I'm gonna go pitch a half inning of Major League Baseball yeah I've guaranteed these people all 26 major league baseball teams one half inning a shutout baseball that's right yeah and we're getting many many offers and it looks like I'll probably be appearing at 13 14 different clubs around the United States December so we had Mary come up to the farm this weekend Mary Connelly who works here on the show have you ever seen her in shinguards by the way I pitched a simulated nine inning game gave up one hit so it looks pretty Wow alright yeah hey so in a simulated game yeah that's right it was a simulated game with Mary Mary Connelly who was travelling with me as my bullpen catcher I see that's right you folks have joined us on a wonderful night because we're introducing a brand-new running character on the program his name is Dwight the troubled teen ladies gentlemen please say hello to our new character Dwight the troubled teen [Applause] nice to see add way to look like there for a second you weren't coming out what's going on how you doing why doesn't everybody just leave me alone screw you Letterman [Applause] that was Dwight the troubled teen this is gonna be a running staying on yeah Dwight is troubled because he looks like he's 28 that's what that's the only thing troubling Dwight 14 chronologically but he looks like he's creeping up on middle-aged that's white problem that's why Paul Paul may I have from you some delightful dialing music you know I've forgotten who we're calling hello how this is our director Hal Grunwald how I'll turn on the external camera turning on the external camera is Meg building let's just look around over there there's Meg right there as the best head of hair in all of publishing don't you think all working very [Applause] [Music] [Applause] there you go coach yeah he's a beauty here we go we're gonna call Meg let's see okay I'll come to your town guarantee one half inning no-hit baseball no shutout baseball or the tickets are on me look at how promptly she answers the phone hello hello is Linda there could I speak to him that hello hey Meg it's your friend Dave I'm across the hall how you doing okay how you been what's going on beautiful yeah well good turn around and turn around and wave to America hey can we send Dwight the troubled teen over there what yeah get Dwight on it a meg so how was your weekend what do you been doing uh it was really good it was beautiful out there's great weather out this weekend what did you do um well I kind of had batting practice uh what do you mean batting practice well not really it's not like I'm on a team I just Tony and I went out you know played catch oh that's nice where did you go out on the park yeah yeah wow that's good really was it crowded there in the park not as much as I thought it would be that's nice were you and Tony roughed up and and megaria do you care about college basketball I know you attended des Clark yeah yeah those are those are for me because I think we missed your gosh I hope no one was injured yeah you know why you get those flowers Megas because i think he had a birthday didn't you I'm telling you I was told earlier this afternoon she had a birthday last month I said oh well by all means I'm embarrassed we better send her flowers so how old will you be on your birthday Meg 29 that's a delightful age yeah all right well we're we're sending a little friend over to say alodia in a little while what's the matter what happened yeah those are those are probably for me as well all right now oh these guys couldn't try to be a little clumsy er good yeah okay I hope those have been sprayed all right listen Meg all right we have things to do I'm gonna put you on hold we'll check back with you a little later okay happy birthday by the way thank you bye be careful don't let those fall out the window all right I put an egg on hold there [Applause] I was told that we missed her birthday by a month so we said oh well for heaven's sakes let's get some flowers over there it's not till May yeah we did we missed it by a couple months oh hey Morty let us know when the Dwight the tubble a troubled teen arrives over there all right well now what are we do in the meantime oh and Oh commercial we got a good show Phil Donahue is here Hank Aaron and Joel Ely so come on back [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] Henry Aaron is here baseball's all-time leading home run hitter and how many do you hit lifetime you know I know sir 750 - they're right 750 - 750 five huh I was at Riverfront Stadium when he hit 714 no kidding when he tied it and then he went down to Atlanta and he broke it at 7:15 is that right yeah let's see what else are we doing that's doer top ten lists and then bring out the big guests Oh Hal turn on that list issues inundated with flowers yet it's her birthday you know there she is what she looks beautiful among the blooms doesn't she very very nice the perfect camel ah a camouflaged activity for snipers and is issued who's she talking to oh hi hey listen Meg I'm sorry I thought it was your birthday I'm sorry are they still coming in really yeah we'll pass them out to the boneheads in your office give them to people you like I mean we must have friends up there right oh are you well-liked I hope and do you have largely a favorable opinion of your coworkers yeah all right well then pass out the flowers Wow okay all right we'll be talking with you can you hang around a little longer sure you have to race home no no you know the thing I like about you Meg you're not one of those nine to five guys oh you seem like you put in an honest day for it for your peg okay are you happy with the salary you're making how long have you worked there Meg over four years four years and when was the last raise you received yeah when was the last one yeah well that's not so bad and was it a real razor was one of those nonsense cost-of-living increases okay pretty good raise yeah yeah good could I guess the salary you make or would that be yeah how much longer you think you'd be working for a Simon & Schuster I don't know I'm very happy here are you really yeah yeah yeah I think Meg I think I could make you much happier what all the Dwight the trouble team all right let's see what Dwight looks like over there among the flowers Dwight where is what we're sending a friend over Meg yeah he's 14 years old [Music] that's about all you get there meg I'm sorry offer him some flowers and see if he goes away oh you got work to do listen nice chatting with you and I'm sorry about your birthday we'll send your real gift on your actual birthday okay all right all right listen before you leave wave goodbye so we'll come back to you don't you're not leaving now right now okay hang on hey Phil Donahue's here oh okay they like Phil don't you Dwight the troubled teen about to wreak havoc in the office there we don't know top 10 here it is the category tonight from the Home Office in Lebanon Pennsylvania top 10 pet peeves of guys who manage Big & Tall men's stores [Applause] [Music] we see um hello Meg are you there yeah how's it going it's going oh that looks very nice you've turned out some lights or something or whatever it looks good we have some it's a very nice effect are you ready to sell off now how soon in the next 15 minutes okay all right well let us know so we can say goodbye okay all right hang on ah let's see in this half-hour who do we have coming up we have Joe Ely and yeah and Henry Aaron Hey all right okay hey Meg say goodnight to Hank Aaron oh good night Hank you [Applause] I should explain that when you were knocking Canadian sense of humor what you weren't talking about me no no there's nothing wrong well then let me just go on record here saying there's nothing wrong with the Canadian national sense of humor thank you we we just had a young man stand up and say I have a joke let me try it out and it turned out that the joke in the audience yeah yeah a guy in the audience exactly during the warm-up that's right and and it was it was I guess it's a very funny joke I just personally I didn't get it but I'm sure there's many things about our culture that the Canadians don't don't get that's true there is I don't know what I get everything they have a nice weekend I had a lovely weekend how was your weekend the great weekend you're not gonna believe what happened this morning I want to hear about it six o'clock first light where I live six o'clock all of a sudden you know how when you're sound asleep you're overwhelmed you're consumed by the sense that there is the presence of something in the room with you that should not be there you're not gonna say you're not telling me well no wait if this gets even better so I'm sound asleep and I just wake I hear this noise I hear that noise several times you want to hear it again I look over on my pillow standing on my pillow honest I swear to goodness is a three and a half note out of three and a half it's a more like a two and a half foot guess what two and a half foot would you I don't know what judge shocked are you what do you you heard what Judge make that huh I don't know but I'm going next here are the clues we're out of the city we're not in the city right it's two and a half three feet it's standing on my pillow yanking this noise what do you think it's not a woodchuck we know that's not a wish yeah I don't know it's a no not a penguin but very good guesser that's right somehow below the Arctic Circle there was a penguin is it animal well this man was on the right track it's a it's a bird some kind of tuna now it was it was an owl [Applause] so you're seeing Dan came into your bedroom what a show we have here yeah now came into your room it's right I left the door open because it's warm up there and the owl came right in and I jumped up shrieking and running around like a maniac the first thing I did and this is a tip if this happens to you at home I went downstairs to the refrigerator and I got a head of lettuce and I came up and with the head of lettuce I was able to get the owl out of my bedroom I don't know just sometimes in an emergency like that some other sense kicks in you lured the owl out with a head of head of lettuce yes now here's a tip I tried it first with romaine iceberg what iceberg yes by the way it's I think it's the Ontario Ontario Science Center what did I say the Canadian Hall of Science yeah yeah that's their archenemy you're right and a guy in the audience Paul look at this look at this as long as we're talking about things horticultural look at that under bomb I think I think it's probably for for foil a fit for a couch Alice yeah in the winter to prevent utter chafing chafing at the other I would guess and then and then of course they pass the savings on to you let's do a little dialing here let's do a little dialing Paul from dialing music [Music] no wait a minute wait a minute I'm miss dialed a little miss dialing music ball [Music] okay here we go okay I'll turn on the external camera will you Meg meg is that you yes Meg it's me your friend Dave let him in across the street how are you I'm fine yeah how you been okay wave to all of North America what's new in your life what'd you do this weekend um well my family got together out at our house in Southampton and we celebrated Mother's Day and as I recall from previous chats that's always kind of a bloodbath isn't it a lot of bickering a lot of swatting at one another and if somebody gets into the Bloody Marys and all hell breaks loose really a lovely a lovely festive occasion it was lovely and festive my four-year-old niece tried teaching me how to do cartwheels but I wasn't very good let's see what kind of progress you made go ahead try one go ahead and try one they're on the desk no I didn't make any progress okay tell people what it is you do for a living over there at Briggs & Stratton or whatever the hell that company is pocketbooks pocketbooks right and you're damn good at what you do believe me I've heard nothing but wonderful things about the job you're doing Meg what kind of money do they generate those little pocketbooks well like what a million bucks a year two million bucks a year four million a billion um I don't really know that they're the ones that most people can afford yeah and then these are the ones you go into a supermarket or a drugstore or some kind of shop and you see them there and that's spinning carousel with books and it's usually a nurse in a ripped uniform with some kind of a gorilla with a dagger in its mouth is menacing her that kind of thing well we do others decide yeah but those those those rays are your favorites aren't they my favorite all right Meg tell us a little bit about your what do you do for fun well your hobbies your likes your dislikes what kind of recreational things do you enjoy hey you know we play is every day and Friday in the park you should come up yeah yeah why don't you come up will you do that sure all right all right so every Friday okay all right what else you like doing um I used to enjoy horseback riding I know that for a while how come you haven't done any horseback riding and what's the biggest expense with the horseback riding it wouldn't be under balm would it you know Meg we have we we have horses down there on the sidewalk for you oh you do yeah we thought maybe if you're interested you go down there and take a ride what do you mean all right all right I'm gonna try this one more time yeah well can't can you sneak out at work and go down there and ride a horse horse I could sneak out of work yes well would you like to do this all right see if you can look down and see the horses they're not exactly I'm riding a tire well we'll get writing a tire for you don't worry um I don't okay we'll hang on leek can you lean out of the window there okay now Meghan if you want to if you want to do this we have everything you need we have the the jodhpurs yeah yeah and anything else there and so you can where'd you go where's Meg woman oh there she is and then you just run down in illa and they'll let us know when you're ready you want to do this or well sure that's a beautiful dress okay yeah you're a beautiful woman you know you know I think the world of you thank you all right we have to do a commercial Meg you will go down there and get on that horse we'll see you in a minute okay [Applause] we'll be right back after this word from dr. nailers utter bomb [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] you have any idea what the red light means just any idea whatsoever just the slightest little let's see on the program yet to come Marshall Crenshaw and Carol gold huh what no Carol gold beer we're having a little time problem you figure that out oh let's go down see if our friend Meg is on the horse Hal turn on that camera oh look at how beautiful it is this has been one of our best Springs ever do you think Paul look at the green of those trees and what's that there it meg is oh there's that mega Meg can't hear me can't you okay all right there's Meg mounting up hurricane house says they got her in a what is she wearing there is that it Paul could we have a little mounting music whoa okay here we go alright just down to battery parking back hi alright any second now and they're in the gate there they go [Music] [Applause] [Music] this looks like some [Applause] was it what caused that did they hit the applause sign did somebody hit the button did it come on in their feet excuse me did you turn on the applause sign you don't apologize to me Pete apologize to the American viewing audience all right Thank You Pete I appreciate it you're behaving like a man all right there goes Meg and now they'll turn around there's there's no I see there's gridlock let's uh lemon buy him some dogs feed there's some hot dogs to the horses there at Amman Meg really looks like she's having the time of her life yes sir oh that's that's really what makes the hayride for my money what how is this stupid all right what are we doing all right well do a commercial we'll be back here with Marshall Crenshaw [Music] you're listening to kale it-- 101 family the Holyrood string hates that's ask your fate to the wind marshal good to see a good luck with the album my thanks to everybody who was here on tonight's program Oh Carol gold will be on tomorrow or or maybe you can see run Bob Costas immediately following this show good night everybody [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] I got great news today what's right all this time I was afraid that my house had been built on a pocket of methane huh [Applause] I'm telling you there's comedy everywhere in this room I understand about that joke see it's my own dumb fault because they joined the National League in the Cleveland Indians are an American League team I'll see but I think the people in here I'm gonna do for an impression okay this is an impression of the most annoying person I encountered this weekend okay turned out it was a woman look looked like Marlo Thomas in that girl but about 68 it could be Marlo Thomas come to think why don't you just get in the cab okay so now the setting is and she's got what do you call those sunglasses yeah so sometimes these exotic terms escape me huh sunglasses earrings and some bracelets mmm the most annoying person I encountered over the weekend here's what she said I hope I can do this right laughs Avery Wolfgang Puck frozen pizzas her husband was Avery then yeah we don't know that they were man and wife but there was an Avery was an Avery and then what followed was discussion Avery didn't know whether you could microwave him or not and and she didn't know whether you could microwave from her not either she'd had him on the the MGM grand flight one time yeah Gabri wolfgang puck frozen pizzas Paul how about a little dialing music you folks go to the big parade yesterday and that was certainly something wasn't it [Music] hey I'm concentrating here I'm trying to get this phone dialed properly okay there we go pal turn on the external camera that's our director al Brendan Howlin gurney Hal gurney ladies and gentlemen the show is in the able hands uh-oh hey turn on that up get the blinds we can't hello hello can beg it's me Dave we can't oh there you are hi we couldn't see you for the blinds wow do you look great oh yeah what do you have a little Sun there yeah yeah what beach did you go - um I went down to the Jersey Shore yeah is it nice down there yeah it's really nice fun what are you doing down there well I played skee-ball for the first time oh man you're living a dream miniature golf yeah and were you down there with of course your good friend your boyfriend Tony actually I wasn't with a female friend huh what Tony couldn't get away for the weekend his mom so I went to the Meg don't even tell me you and Tony are having trouble I don't want to hear it you're not having trouble yeah everything is fine yeah hey Meg did we miss one of your birthday's yeah yeah when was that you don't mind my sister has a birthday May 25th how about that how old are you I turned 29 oh that's pretty good congratulations thank you many happy returns hey you look you look great now does the Sun do something to your hair there it's beautiful hi I guess it yeah well it did works whatever you're doing that let me just tell you something that Tony you know you could do a lot better than Tony now mad guy did you get downtown to see the big parade yesterday oh wow wait a minute meg Meg I'll be right over yeah yeah who is that out there yeah alright well thank you very much for your standing exactly in the right place there aren't many benefits to doing this job and you just fouled one up okay now Meg I know in the past we've had some trouble there with you getting your window open can you they painted it closed or something can you get that thing open or not yeah I give it a try don't for heaven's sakes don't hurt yourself I'd be very careful and don't yeah don't knock stuff out there how's the publishing business by the way going okay I'm sure you know we're in a recession what we're we're in a recession you're right we are okay err here we go she's really getting into it Anton how about a drum roll here No [Applause] meg now do you have some toilet paper or something throughout the window there and we can ever we have our own little celebration for the returning men and women from the Persian Gulf War you have anything you can heave out of there yeah let's see let's see is there somebody over there from our staff asked out in the hall if somebody brought over some toilet paper for this go ahead and put the phone down I wish I had a nickel for every time I've heard that in our office I'd be I'd be a wealthy damn man at this point okay right now mag put down the phone and before you do that we're just gonna kind of recreate the big ticker tape parade yesterday and the object is is to just see how far down you can get it with without breaking the paper oh my god okay yeah we'll just try one and we'll see what happens you got a pretty good supply here we go boys we got some music here meg good [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] not bad meg can you are you there yeah yeah that was pretty cool try a couple more here we'll clean this up don't worry about the honors have to try and get it all the way to the street without busting it [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] okay nice goin Meg I think we'll probably start bringing planes down now right a great job you get a run home now oh no not really okay well and we may come back and dump some more of that down there okay but then you have to pick it up okay great all right Meg nice chatting I asked you a question Paul who has more fun on their little TV Clubhouse than we do here every night no I'm Dave no one but us we're gonna do a commercial when we return you'll get to meet and chat with Anthony Quinn so come on back if you can [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] Oh yeah I got a great idea for after the show well either everybody either you come up to my suite and then we invite everybody up or or on your suite and we'll invite everybody out there Paul was referring to our appearance by Wayne Newton a Friday night show yeah that was we were talking to Wayne about what when he and Elvis would go into Las Vegas together and I had visions of it being like a 48-hour just orgy and fistfight yeah that's that was in my mind and that's what Wayne said sometimes they'd go up to Elvis's suite sometimes they'd go up to Wayne suite and I mean fight everybody up ever and then all the kids would come up this way yes so that's the kind of a swing and kind of a Vegas lifestyle I'm trying to cultivate for myself but you know you can still smell Wayne's Cologne that's right now yeah it's a nice aroma a nice sadness it too but he was here Friday today is Tuesday there's still a hint of it in the air it looks good I'm not meaning that it's I mean that's that's that's expensive Cologne if it'll stay that way when an aroma linger exactly it's important yeah yeah now we had those kids on Friday also and I think I mentioned Springfield Illinois is being the birthplace of Lincoln I don't think that's right is it oh I don't know where did it where was that girl was he born in Springfield but he's born in Kentucky moved to Springfield when he was 2 lived in Indiana I know do you folks at home it means nothing and I apologize Oh tepid coffee pepid coffee Oh somebody's gonna get well can we can we find out where Lincoln was born for heaven sakes was it Springfield we're checking on that wasn't oh it wasn't Springfield it was in Kentucky and then they move yes he was born in Kentucky and his father was transferred worked for GE dialing music Paul [Music] okay thank you very much Paul we're calling across the street this will be the lovely delightful and Meg parson over there at the Simon & Schuster hi all right what's going on with the lights in there why why it was a really bright lights and then now it's kind of dimmer than it was I don't know maybe it's our camera I think it might be how are you man I'm fine nice to see you oh hey what is that your lunch there in the window my lunch yeah what's what's in that bag there that cart in that container where well right there right there you see the big white thing on my window yeah I don't see any big a bit yeah yeah Meg how far you see it seated from the window there about three feet and you didn't see that big white thing yeah it could be time for the annual checkup meg hey how was your vacation do you like people who refer to it as Baek oh yeah yeah a lot of guys here I like that yeah they go yeah yeah Vaco and then they laugh real big in its gonna now Meg where did you go I went to Maine all Maine is beautiful it's the Green Mountain State no it's the it's the black bear State it's no it's the what is it what the hell is Maine it's the the lobster state exactly what part of Maine beautiful did you enjoy the rugged rocky splendor of the coast of Maine I did you go with your friend your boyfriend your boyfriend Tony yeah I did yeah what'd you guys do the romantic walks on the beach um we did that and we attempted to swim in the very cold water hey Meg did you do any clamming well I would have if there it's been a lot of clam yeah yeah yeah I don't think you can eat shellfish now anyway you get hepatitis oh okay right even up there I guess so yeah hey we saw this thing in in the People magazine about you did you see that yeah I did what do you think of that it's pretty excited hey what do you think a Delta Burke getting dumped [Music] yeah yeah they dumped here according to People magazine it says right here they dumped her yeah all right now here's I'm gonna show this picture do you mind if I show this picture on TV I guess not yeah it's a pretty nice photo don't you think are you showing a salsa no no of you yeah that's pretty cute I think Thanks sure you know you're a lovely woman oh thank you beautiful hair Thanks all right I don't know what that was anything else we should cover here I don't know you tell me open the window sure all right be careful okay for god sakes don't poeple out of there man yeah you better have somebody come in there and grab you by the ankles like that doesn't happen warning noon and night over there yeah okay now is there anything you can he be out there like the 14th floor 13th floor the 13th floor well gee I don't know I did my a paper puncture already yeah you got any athletic equipment up there I have a baseball but I'm not I'm not throwing it out the window please don't throw the baseball out the window Meg please don't even joke about the baseball out the window any nurse nurse nurse balls nerf balls Meg you said the magic word oh my god new floor well I guess we got some good stuff yeah you know now those guys don't work with us oh this is this isn't pure coincidence all right now now Maggie one of our stage managers Biff Henderson may be down there on the street let's see if he's down there you know Biff hey now Meg do people recognize you okay you can see Biff right I can't oh you can use on your side of the street okay so now tell you what maybe if you you put the phone down and and just tip yourself out a little bit not too far and then try and try and get the ball to clear that little outset down there please make this is a game of skill yeah well Biff is down there he's got a one of those laundry hamper AZ oh my gosh hey where was Lincoln born I don't know well I wasn't Springfield what it wasn't Springfield Illinois no all right okay all right get ready to try and drop one down the bed I can't see where it is I'll just drop it straight this would be a test ball okay Anton here we go go ahead and Meg what else okay all right yeah you got to get a little a little pushing out a little farther toss it out it's got to have a little projectory trajectory right yeah all right but be careful for heaven's sakes don't maybe you put put the phone down sitting really heaving this one well I can heave it okay but we need to clear that thing down there yeah this want to be able to get that one you know you know what we're looking at we're looking at tomorrow's front page of the post right here TV stunt ends in disaster alright try one more Meg here you go got a heave it out there that that looks good it looks it's he could yes yes nice floor I tell you what men can you hear me yeah actually you got one in there and we're gonna we're gonna do a commercial I don't you just go ahead and dump the whole load now as we go to commercial all right we'll talk to you later have a great summer [Applause] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] alright what the hell's going on out there we'll tell you what we're gonna do we're gonna do a commercial we're gonna get make a really good attorney and then we'll be right back [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] so you're saying how long how long we've been working together now then your 10 years I forgot your name I started to introduce you as Bob someone who would have been I don't know my apologies Bob Smith could have been yeah Bob and howdy Bob and howdy I remember them yeah but that's not me instant and conductor have you do you know anything about this Geraldo Rivera book I've been reading about it yeah it's a kiss-and-tell book yeah see I know nothing about this book I haven't read it I've been hearing people talking about it I've been reading excerpts and and every little thing that I read and hear it's very unpleasant very unflattering and I think to myself this is odd he wrote it himself yeah so you you have to wonder was he worried that no one would write an unflattering book about him so is it by god I'll do it myself he tells of all his all his different exploits and names names and stuff Bob can I have a little dialing music please yeah he'll do me a favor turn on the external camera ladies and gentlemen Emmy award-winning director and a race car legend Hal gurney in the booth tonight there it is we're looking across 49th Street at the what is that building that's the the Penn & Teller building the Simon the Simon & Schuster building and there's our friend Meg parson we've known Meg for a couple of years she works over there what does she do she's an editor or something publicity chairman is secretary in charge of the publicity department turn it on again how she was receiving a delivery there any guys leaving all right we're gonna call Meg in that Chad would make a little bit this evening before we begin the big program [Music] there's beautiful hair doesn't she Bob lovely hair yeah okay there's the first ring bingo nice to see it turn around and wave to America there meg how have you been I've been okay we've been doing uh I don't know I guess I took a little vacation yeah we talked to you sense of the vacation I don't remember where'd you go oh yeah down to the shore you were down there with friends relatives Tony yeah Tony your your boyfriend fiance Tony do you know work oh that's right you were in People magazine and Tony was in the park sketching your likeness right how did this funny really do that yeah he really does do that occasionally oh so Tony really likes to make drawings of you in central place to draw tony is an illustrator architect and nice nice things of you yeah I think so anything good if you know what I mean are you I'm doing okay I have allergies from this bad weather but I'm okay yeah I guess but be very careful be very careful don't get that Lyme disease examine yourself for deer ticks do you do that yeah yeah I'm good for you at the end of the day and and this is not just for Meg at the end of the day I would like everybody to take a couple of minutes to examine yourself for deer ticks everyone it's it's a very unpleasant ailment and those deer ticks are microscopic yes let's see Meg see if there's somebody out there in your outer office by the name of John Caruso and Donna Gundel gonna yeah I just to scream out there and see if John and Donna are out there yes here they call do the come on all right come on in oh look she's all my goodness she's certainly a lovely bride energy now Maggie I I guess I guess you know I guess you know what we're going to do now I hi thank you my wedding ceremony is there a judge out there as well okay where is she she's right over here that's Alice Schlessinger Alice where is all we see is the bride I'll take your word for it there are two other people there okay Meg do me a favor go around the desk there so we can have you in the shot well there's that would be John I guess go around that way can you go around that one I guess so hang on oh we have nothing but time okay yeah we need to see you though in the window do you well yeah okay you should be on the bride's left why weren't you at the rehearsal dinner not to strangle anyone all right now now Meg I'd like the judge to be on your left on my left it'll chair here but yeah we can't see anybody you're gonna everyone is gonna have to move to their left a little bit well what is that a chariot once-in-a-lifetime kind of a thing and you're telling me okay okay now we can't see the groom really further over to the left yeah a little bit more to the left [Applause] all right is there now the judges name is Alice Schlesinger so I'm gonna I'm gonna ask you Meg to kind of hold the phone for Alice and then when she says things you pass the phone to the appropriate person that would be the bride or the groom okay all right so you're kind of the field coordinator for the wedding okay all right go ahead and let Alice begin okay okay okay here we go giving the last-minute instruction all right okay John are you ready all right could you take down his hand Donna maybe you should put down the bouquet thank you now if you place the ring on Donna's hand please now John do you take on to be your wife you promise to be true to her in good times and in bad in sickness and in health do you promise you will love her and honor her all the days of your life I do [Applause] johnathan place the ring on his finger that's fine now Donna you take John to be your husband do you promise to be true to him in good times and in bad in sickness and in health and do you promise to love him and honor him all the days of your life I do that's five now by the power vested in me by the state of New York I now pronounce you husband and wife well [Applause] [Music] [Music] I know [Music] we're gonna have a little reception over there in your office if you don't mind very nice job by the way we'll check back with you a little bit later all right thanks man okay all right okay what let's do a commercial [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] Chuck Berry Salem V sales exactly hello man hi it's me how's the reception going well it's going okay we're just starting to get the champagne let me talk to uh let me talk to Donna okay where's the judge by the way right over here ask her if you can take care of a ticket for me yeah hello Donna congratulations this is Dave this is the happiest day of your life well you're a lovely bride congratulations may I speak to your husband please hello John all right Dave congratulations thank you very much uh and what what about a honeymoon is that I guess the mail room huh well enjoy yourself over there and thank you very much for letting us share this with you thank you very much okay we'll talk with you later are you back to make all right buddy thank you Mike how's the champagne is it any good or is just that domestic stuff you get on airplanes oh pretty good at court anyway all right okay we'll talk to you later I have to say something nasty about the champagne now that's Freebird I want to tell you the wedding was the most touching thing I have ever seen it was very nice where are they having the honeymoon on her although she'll that's right it's good now you know Regis you've had weddings on your show haven't changed but we had a regular wedding we popped for flowers we did the whole thing we had flowers over through somebody's venetian blinds we had weird flowers as well [Music] how's it going over there anybody loaded on it how's the judge doing the judge you got those robes on so you could be stealin you blind hey Meg hang on I got somebody I want to talk to you okay all right you try and guess who this guy is okay that's hello hi Meg how you doing over there I'm fine how are you good I'm coming over to join the party in a few minutes to see what those three bottles for me hey buddies left some meat yeah we're looking forward to it you know what this is I imagine it's Regis Philbin very good we don't anybody tumbling out Maggie is a lovely woman we've known her for a couple of years and we just found her across the street working like one day you just look solid yes solid now there to me is Miss America there's your Miss America right she's still on the phone yeah where's the UM before we got her on hold right here oh you could talk to her any time you had a moment's notice she knows it could be me is Meg the woman in your life meg is one at one of the women I know I mean that's it it's like you've been delivering tables for the wedding all right that's it set em up we're done Saturday night we'll be watching the 71st Miss America pageant with Regis and his friend Kathie Lee Gifford good to see it okay and have fun over there through 7:00 I'm going over there right now okay [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] Adam Sandler will be out here in a couple of minutes and we have the shift from the 21 club oh we had a lovely night at the 21 club yes you threw my bachelor that's right it was very nice very and your father was there and then the band a lot of fun I feel one out of cakes remember that's right Wow and my father doesn't remember a thing about it it's just as well don't you think thanks anyway the chef from the 21 club Michael Lomonaco will be out here in a couple minutes is gonna cook is that right morning okay do we have time to dial over there to see what if Regis has arrived yet all right tomorrow on the program pere ubu will be here that's amazing they know père ubu now you promise now your kids by James E Macy's senior Massey Massey and Sean Penn that'll be tomorrow all right let's see if the Regis is over there's the over there I have he's not here yet hey Meg what's going on here people getting kind of bored and tired with this whole thing well we've been giving them wedding presents yeah what kind of presents are you giving them we gave them dr. Spock's baby and child care really really dark Betty Crocker cooking very very fun yeah you know we got a we got a book coming out in a couple of weeks don't we got another one of those top ten if you do I think we're probably gonna have to add that you know that last thing so as Regis is coming in so you know get ready for real fun now is that him okay all right we got business to do we'll we'll come back here when he gets there okay oh look at that okay that smile lights up any room all right well you're in good hands now Meg all right Meg we gotta go hi also on the program tomorrow I told you is on the program tomorrow what are we doing exactly okay well do a commercial we'll be back with the Adam Sandler [Applause] [Music] [Music] yeah all right Paul come on over here and try this Paul is going to sample the the hamburger you know we have newlyweds across the street could could you guys cover a free meal for them I think that we should we could work on that no no no there really can you do it yes we can do it all right we can do it that's very kind of you what do you think Paul this meat is not over handled in Malaysia [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] you oh hello David how are you sir good how are you I'm just fine thank you nice to see you thanks for being here thank you everything all right everything's fine good have you met Alan Schwartzberg electronic percussion how about a for Alan Schwartzberg joining us what did you say to him when you came out I said always a pleasure to have a friend visiting with the band really whatever you said scared him to death I just walked up to him and I said this is of course only a joke I grabbed him by the shoulders because he was busy drumming there I grabbed him by the shoulders and I was trying to get into one of his ears to whisper this because in his head was well show him what you were doing you work all over the place yeah and see it would all right now it's dangerous to want to whisper something to a drummer anyway yeah and I just whispered to him I said why don't you do us all a favor and beat it I can see why you scared yeah and now as I think about it it's also a little joke about being a drummer that's right not much of a joke but ladies and gentlemen after all isn't that why I watch this program night in and night out I'm gonna have a you know Paul I learned something last week never underestimate the value of bubbles I think we're gonna start every show with a little bubble activity here because it puts everyone in such a there you go okay so that'll be the procedure now for the next couple of weeks I'll turn on the bubble machine that's when I have a lovely beverage and then makes everybody everybody see seems to feel so much better after we turn on the bubbles I'm feeling better already yeah let's see what we're doing on the big program is there anything to do tonight now doesn't seem like there is much to do tonight Hal do me a favor turn on that external camera this is Hal gurney Emmy Award winning director and racing legend Hal gurney I was at the Austrian Grand Prix when Hal won his first race and this is our friend Meg parson across the street there that's uh that's on the other side of 49th Street Meg works at the what building is that in she's in the department of pocketbooks a division of simon & schuster a polishing I'm sorry Simon issues for publishing Paul may we have a little dialing music please call right over there chat with Meg see how she's doing find out how her weekend was here we go it should be Meg parson lovely woman we've known her now for six seven days Wow alright alright let's see I I think I think I may have misdialed let's the all right get that dial tone you know this stuff is not as easy as it looks on TV a lot of people at home saying I could be on that show and make all the calls you want well yeah just get here and try it with the lights and the wink Martindale staring at you and everything okay there it's going through now a few leaps for the phone hello Meg get your friend Dave across the street how are ya okay wave to America blow everyone a kiss and say hello there oh come on hey now seriously what would be so damn wrong if you just blew everybody a kiss no I will here can you see me oh you can't see me yeah okay here's what you do Maggie just like that you didn't see that digit let's try that Meg try it again we didn't see it was beautiful yeah what'd you do I spent a lot of time with some old friends from high school yeah okay yeah went to a flea market where where was the flea market um there's one on the Upper West Side what kind of something you can do buy anything Politis that I paddled for a bracelet for a friend of mine very good what you spend on it it was originally for damnit gotta create peace hey pretty good and and was it some kind of metallic thing beadwork some kind of leather deal we're told it was sterling silver oh yeah some weekend why don't you drive up to my place I don't drive [Applause] I grew up here I don't you don't drive it all no I know how I don't have my life have you ever had an operator's license all right what what if what if I were to send a car for you man what mag I didn't hear a word you were saying the audience was misbehaving themselves yeah I know you don't write either okay I think we have someone else's audience tonight it happened periodically okay Meg why the hell did I call ya oh I know we wanted you to help us out with our big top ten list oh yeah you know that book that we published that one book it was it sold like 500,000 copies yeah and we got another one out there too yeah and we think it'll do probably not as well as the first one all right the category of Meg is top ten least popular Craftsman tools that's the category and all you have to do is I think stand up now and can you raise your venetian blinds at all yeah all right raise them as high up as they'll go yeah tuck your chair under the desk tall also all right just like this were an air raid okay okay you just stand there and then I'll do everything okay you just stand right there okay here we go the categories top ten least popular Craftsman tools Anton alright here we go number ten [Laughter] [Applause] we've press on rivets one verse seven the TK clamp number six the one rung ladder number five number five the groin puller number uncontrollable chainsaws number four there it is number three number three is the birth control nail apron number t least popular craftsman tool the imaginary hammer the gas-powered clapper [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] I'll pause here for a commercial will begin the big program with Phil Hartman from Saturday Night Live come on back here [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] and welcome welcome back to the program we got a Hal turn on that external camera again and let's look at meg Paul we've we learned two things about her friend Meg tonight one she is I probably never done that blown anybody a kiss like that and two she doesn't drive drive yeah it's hard to believe it how I didn't get to see that how thank you and there they are and you know what she's saying to herself in her head right now what she's saying over and over and over again please God make them leave please God make them leave please God make them leave [Applause] thank you you know it's a warm Christmas Eve feeling here this is we've decorated for the holidays isn't it beautiful they do a lovely job we have wreaths we have the beautiful old-fashioned Christmas tree I think it's I think it's lovely Christmas I'll tell you something I'm gonna be making a sacrifice this Kris what are you what are you doing well similar to the way you have temporarily it seems to me anyway without any announcing or anything retired the top 10 list at least temporarily we don't know we don't know if it's coming back it's mysterious but I inspired by that I'm going to this year retire my share does Oh hold no you're not I was gonna give it a rest looks like with public won't let me alright here's here's how we're gonna do this I'm gonna tell a little holiday story alright after the little holiday story then we would like you to do your tonight yes tonight I'm gonna have to come back and do it this ah no Dave's home address now please please sit down go back through the metal detector and please just here's here's here's my little holiday story up there in our office on the 14th floor it's jam-packed with boxes and gifts and packages and things coming in things going on it it's like an unclaimed freight depot it's a veritable beehive of holiday activity so we're sending stuff out gifts to various people that we know and care about all over the country and we ran out of the the regular mailing kind of box so the the only box we could get there they're like those things you get refrigerators in there they're the boxes we're mailing them in it's about the size of this desk now the gift itself is not that big but this is what we have to send out in because that's the only box available so if you're on our gift list and you see this coming you think oh geez dave has mailed us his desk no that's so the other boxes the boxes that we want finally came in today and so a guy from shipping and receiving calls my assistant rose and he says uh I got some boxes down here for you I'm gonna bring them right up she says great bring them right up so the guy comes up and he's got a handcart you know like you see with the two wheels and you lean it like that and you push it around and there's maybe like three boxes on the hand cart and now inside the boxes are other boxes so it's just not that heavy it's not like it's bulk lead we're dealing with it so the guy says where do you want this it's the same guy who turns out in the audience that's right [Applause] the guy says well where do you want these in roses we'll just bring them back down here and you can tell you consents immediately that he's very tentative something is not quite right about this transaction but he okay he pushes it down the hall to the office and then he kind of levels off the cart Mises could you get somebody else on low B's I'm kind of this is what the guy says he's an enormous guy he's half my age he's a young strapping guy but he's kind of tired he wants somebody else to unload these three boxes off his little hand cart my assistant Rose says out of the way and starts growing boxes and unload them just like that it was yes i I to help of course what I get that next thing is a little bones for something I have ladies and gentlemen it's a holiday tradition he's done this for how many years Paul Oh since we went on the air exactly go ahead take it away Paul all right this is ready for real holiday flow well I don't know about that but this is from Cher's Christmas special of I would say 16 years ago she'd had a lot of fun William Conrad was the was the guest they kline around but now it's time to get her serious and she was gonna do under a beautiful street lamp with the snow falling her version she had a muff as I recall she was a had her hands in her mouth yeah that's right and a Victorian overcoat I ain't making up their own shows and she's saying it was very beautiful on the piano play dude oh that's all right a shower [Applause] it ain't much of a tradition but it's all we have Oh will you do me a favor and give us a little holiday dialing music for me please alright I'm gonna be placing a call pal hell if you will turn on the external camera turn on that external holiday camera Hal gurney award-winning director [Applause] that's the the Briggs & Stratton building right across the street that's our friend Meg parson I'm sorry the Simon & Schuster building forgive me hello Meg it's me Dave you know turn around and wave to everybody but hi Meg good daddy with us from this from this shot when we look in there over your shoulder into your office your hair always looks beautiful okay yeah do you have any secrets because it always looks so nice do you use like a salon formula rinse or something do yourself a favor salon formula have you missed me well yeah have you thought about me yes in what sense exactly I'm just fine have you have you done any of your Christian Christmas shopping yes pretty much done all of it all right where do you see the gift I sent you it's enormous it's like a refrigerator boy you look terrific you look like you've been in the Sun if you've been on vacation or something I've been here I had a vacation in a while oh well bless your little heart you know if it came to work for me I could change that every day would be a vacation meg how's that book of ours doing the old top ten book two's I've just fallen into oblivion oh no I think it's a pretty good gift book actually yeah but does it sell them we doing any business with I think so yeah we'll do what you can to heat it up okay yeah okay meg do you like Christmas music yes very much all right I gotta put you on hold here for one second okay all right now Morty can I can I ask Cal to cue them in there sure all right hey Hal do me a favor cueing the boys choir of Harlem Center in there to Meg's office okay okay Meg get ready for some Christmas music fun are they there we go [Applause] for the back [Applause] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] okay ha ha a little commercial we'll be right back here with the Daniel Stern [Music] [Music] that's real look nice very festive don't you have a oh thank you aunt I'm very good yeah that's that's creative drumming let's see we want to thank the Boys Choir of Harlem founded in 1968 founder and director is dr. Walter Jay Turnbull you know that man 200 young men in the choir ranging in age from 8 to 80 No 8 to 18 we had 23 of them over there in Meg's office earlier today and they will be performing at the Avery Fisher Hall on January 20th I think there'll be all 200 of them there and that sounded pretty good when you think about it it was only on the on the floor of the phone that's all that we heard there was no microphone no special acoustics just all on the phone honest television gonna go through the whole song [Applause] I'm just dying to do it one more thing that's comedy

Channel: Don Giller

Views: 162,270

Keywords: Meg Parsont

Id: AJCMKoVgWvg

Length: 106min 5sec (6365 seconds)

Published: Sun Apr 07 2019