Maybe there's something wrong with my analog stick? (PGA)

yeah you can join up on me by the way got it it was so nice though like to not like to go to the men's bathroom at a canucks game during the intermission is like a 20 to 25 minute ordeal most of the time this i just zipped right in there oh man here we go put your hands up for detroit i love this golf course detroit detroit's frick this year detroit's fricked is it yeah the whole city well no i mean the the the red wings the team oh okay this is my impression of the red wings when did they lose steve eiserman he retired in [Laughter] you're probably in a similar boat i complain about my team being bad and then red wings fans always try to like sidle into the conversation yeah it's like okay he's a detroit fan life also sucks like literally you made the play five years straight yeah every year that i was alive you made the playoffs until i was like on your loading screen right now by the way no i got um i've got a professional golfer oh here we go no this i love the flame socks good choice good choice hey that's okay that's nasty yes that's the best stroke i've had all day so i encourage you to be nice please oh nice nice no look at this guy look at this guy never won a stanley cup in five years i'm also hello sabres fans i'm right there with you boom it's a good stroke right there thank you you guys play like speed golf i i never fast forward by the way to watch everything dude the bucket hat holy crap it's that's more than a buck that's like uh that's like that's like a fisherman hat a barrel hat crap sliced it a little bit whoops wow i got the distance but man i really freaked that one up i mean it's fine we're you know you're gonna get on to the green and two like the rest of us oh hell yeah you know i'm going oh yeah nice socks look at that be a shame if you missed though and went in the bunker great minds think alike i think this guy spends more time in the sand than david hasselhoff oh roll back dude this is the way to play right here there you go i like that you really get to appreciate the the scope of the event yeah hmm so let me take my time oh putter no no no no no you guys look your guy looks like uh like a cop from the 80s yeah um he looks like the jerk from on the weekend orange is the new black he does yeah porn stash i was gonna call him i can't remember yeah did you guys ever finish that show no who knows i stopped when it became orange uh is the new bad it definitely had some some knowledge i just don't know what it is man too like um donna yeah yeah from that seventies show i don't know i just oh yeah donna was in it for uh for a long ass time right did she has she stayed in the show is the show even still going no it had eight seasons i think seven last season i watched um there were there were a lot of um women um checks out so far yeah they were they were constantly having sex with each other and um yeah i can't remember much else honestly well yeah they'll see in the series finale they ate posse yeah there's just a lot of ryan oh god i just want to strip that jumpsuit off god i just want to peel those anybody here need the the lemnis gate where is that is that that's a game right well okay yeah lemnis gate is a game but then like there's that meme that's like anybody here need their pussy8 and then somebody says omg me so i i've been saying anybody here need a lemnis gate right and then people in chat who know what they're doing no they they go omg me he's got three feet to go it's a lot of fun i can't keep up with this guy and he's a i need my b-hole hey that's what i need right now somebody to just chow down on my honestly i think i would be too self-conscious to it really enjoy it good luck here this is where you got to get a bidet yeah but i think don't you have to like um so i don't want to be too vulgar uh but don't you have to like um monitor your dietary habits like within that temporal corridor in order to make it amenable for everybody involved i think you honestly would want to have a couple of enemas oh oh my god i'm out here in the this is where they do the b2b sales man this is the downton abbey oh my god i'm at a wedding it's still going to jesus i mean it's just it's just a stream of high pressure water i'm not saying you need to eat you got to clear it out i think uh i think a couple enemas and like a starvation diet for a couple of days that's what i mean yeah i think that's i think you're fine you know i'm not i'm not worried about the bidet hitting something i ate and killing me i'm more i thought you had to have a concern about the food that you ate to make it as pleasant down there as possible you're not you're not gonna have like the hottest curry known to man and then somebody's eating out your b-hole like right after that's going to be oh you're talking about the butthole like yeah yeah i'm not i thought you're talking about changing people have used the bidet they were so snobby about it they think i was just confused i've been to japan i lived in korea i've used a bidet before listen if you used it well you would know it's the way to go man once you once people b bidet they they they don't look back oh it'll change your life no like it'll you know it'll change like your morning it's an improvement it'll clean your ass for sure yeah man like that i'm honestly like that much is true i'm not i wouldn't say i'm anti-bidet i'm just not as pro bidet as the average person i think i'm like i could take it or leave it okay but the thing is in i see the thing i i view a bidet as like uh not a sustainable thing right because let's say let's say we have uh like a catastrophic catastrophic event story on earth okay that uh forces us to like live underground maybe not have access to clean running water you know like fallout style bottled water or whatever the pure what i'm trying to think of the royale toilet paper corporation keeps running yeah yeah well no but like you might find some rolls here and there or you know some old socks or like you can cut up some old pairs of pants and use that or whatever but like you're not gonna find a pristine bidet just like lane [Music] yeah uh get used to it and then there's no going back you know you're like oh it's true whenever i visit someone's place now and you know you stay over and you gotta you gotta pinch one that's like oh man i'm not looking forward to this oh it's like the sonicare where like i'm gonna have to well i bring my sonicare wherever when we went on uh vacation we just took the old school like manual toothbrush and i was like oh geez i might as well not even be brushing them this is a waste of my time please please i needed this that was a beauty that was a beauty all right he's putting this one for birdie like i'm here here's what i would say if you were like if i was in your house and you were like you had two bathrooms one has a bidet one dozen and then you said you can wait one minute to use the bathroom with the bidet or you could just go to the one that's open i probably would just go to the one that's open i don't think i would wait an extra minute to get to the bidet well oh my god sorry i was thinking about bidets um okay the thing is with me if i had a bidet let's see the bidet would be in the upstairs bathroom that guests go to yeah yeah yeah there's no nobody's cleaning their ass in my house okay like you should not even be in my house in the first place that's true let alone using my bidet hold it in or or just poop at your own house before you come over because it's like you know don't come over until you've done a poop at your own house that's the rule yeah and like you should only you should only be pooping either in the morning or before bed you're not where you wake up in the middle of the night to to i have done it when i made a poor dietary choice the night before but like you never not routinely though it's impossible right because like you know you go for weeks sometimes where you're like oh my god i could set my watch by this every day at 10 o'clock in the morning i have to take a poo or whatever but i've never had it where it's like oh my god every night i'm waking up at 3 30 in the morning that would be bad i'd have to rework my whole life honestly that'd be a freaking nightmare i am still like dude with all these like fancy cars coming out these days i'm stunned that nobody has invented uh like an automotive way to just easily piss while driving and okay so nobody's going to join me here so i'm going to dig a little deeper no no no no i was just thinking of how i would do it if i yeah you're telling me though that like elon when he makes the cyber truck like what would it cost you to put a just a little cup and a hose in that thing i would be most comfortable i would be most comfortable with basically like an oxygen mask mouth attachment that went over my whole dick and my balls possibly as well for the whole drive then yeah yeah because that there's no way i'm getting that out mid drive like i oh yeah i have to attach before i set off knowing full well that i'd be pissing at some point and turn the ignition to like a special angle and then and then you can no you know that you know those like automated cow utter suckers yeah that of course just you get in you you you know you buckle up your seat belt and then you get your cow water sucker out and yeah it's got to be before you start going yeah you know dude i don't know what if you get driving they give you uh what okay what if you live in like uh i'll give it a firmware update if you know what i mean portugal or something okay really treacherous roads and stuff and you're trying to navigate like these these cliff roads man you're not gonna be just like driving and then trying to sort out like the oxygen mask on your on your wiener i agree i think you got it there's no way maybe you could have like a pair of underwear that is just for driving and it it slots in like a lock and key mechanism just get a diaper man just just get a full diaper like it's so much of driving has been like smoothed out we just need to get the the piss element handled [Laughter] yo but you know what okay it collects your pee okay cleans it right it takes the salts out about a spacesuit now basically puts the salts out and then there's like a little like a cannon out front it shoots the salt in front of your car so like during the winter you put in when it's snowy so it'll melt it'll melt the snow in front of you and then the water in the liquid it goes to your your windshield washer reservoir and then you you top up the the i'd love to see i think i end up with a little sepia tone on my windshield i like this idea though i definitely think that the point of salt is if you put it on the ice you can just drive over it instantly it's quick acting salt listen this one you know god what was that it just died the ball just died it just could not continue i don't understand man that's hilarious oh and every base gets you a new gem on your infinity gauntlet oh man you man that's hilarious i i just think there's a lot still to be done i'm with you yeah i'm working on dumb stuff like who cares about like apple car play dude just make something that can suck the piss out of my dick while i'm driving yeah like let's let's get right on to apple piss play but without the play so much it's like you know has to be fun hey what they do with it after they take it from me is not my business but as long as as long as it's out of my custody they can do whatever they want with it yeah yeah i mean every time you flush you lose your rights to your yeah it's no longer your piss that's it it's gone it's the city's piss you know what though actually what we don't we don't need to worry about like dr like all the cars are becoming autonomous anyways right so it have like just like have like you can get up from your seat like have a urinal in your car how horrific the accident would be if you stand up pissing while driving on the highway in a crowd oh my god yeah if they if they make it so that you can piss in your car and there's just like an extra tank like like a septic tank basically under your car even better than a crash and it's a that's a nightmare right like i guess maybe driving safety would be improved oh no he would take less risks oh my god you if you opt like an extra three grand you get like the play package so your p goes into basically just like a water gun and then when you're on the highway or like you know side by side with that you can squirt each other with your feet man this is great what's your road trip strategy because before we had a kid i would just desiccate before driving and then do my best to just do it in one shot one one time we did vancouver to portland which was like an eight or nine hour drive with all the traffic and we did it in one shot when i got to the hotel i was like i can't even check in like i need to go to the bathroom before i even say hello to the front desk yeah no that's understandable that's a long drive i mean we just like that such a canadian thing though because there's nowhere over here that you can drive for that long for like especially specifically where i live but like i've never really gone to like driven across europe or much of the uk either like it's it's just like not a it's not really a consideration for me but if i was in canada and i was gonna go on a big road trip i think uh my policy would just be to stop at every wendy's i saw and then you'll never get anywhere man well that's that's exactly it and like get a frosty every time of course and then um take a pee or a poo if i need to as well and then boom road trip done i think that's the that's especially when you got kids like you know what are you going to do be like just hold it i think you got to accept you're going to be stopping more often and be knows best part of any drive from kingston to toronto you get to port hope you go to that combination wendy's tim hortons oh man probably harvey swiss chalet no just wendy's i think but dave i don't know if like they had did they have enroute when you were still here i don't think no i don't think so it's basically uh i mean it's like a newer uh you know wendy's gas station whatever and they have they got like a couple like one of them has a burger king in it and one has like an extreme pita oh i love lupita i love you yeah they still have the one the wendy's one is still in poor hope which ryan is right that's the best part of a road trip sometimes you'll stop in kohlberg instead but i've always been a poor hope guy myself it's like it's like a good night how long is kingston to toronto three hours but if if it's there's no traffic it's like two and a half oh nothing jeez six hours from ottawa it well yeah we used to drive it all the time stop in kingston for a nice little uh yeah yeah some fish and chips at the merchant mclean or get some chips and salsa at lone star go to consumers distributing and um oh well hey well if you go the other way best part of going ottawa to kingston you stop in belleville at the reed's dairy oh yeah get yourself a two dollar orange milkshake breed's dairy did they still have that scary and they had one in kingston it was right by the way i think about it they did have one in kingston yeah oh i know you're orthodontist that was next to a driving school yeah yeah near the merchant mclean um there's it's a pub in uptown where people uh go to get hammered and then be like oops i got no choice but to drive home there's nothing are you ready watch this watch this you ain't more mouthful i don't know if i ever asked you more of a a bath road a gardener's road or a princess street kind of guy what's your vibe i'll all start i think i in high school i was a gardener's road guy i mean come on you got the cataract way town center you got they opened up the rio can on gardeners and taylor kidd you go to the eb games you go to the starbucks you go to the best buy the future shop well i guess what's the nature of the question like which road am i like going does that like which word am i taking to like i mean i think it's your your call i wouldn't i would probably say i mean it would be gardeners for me as well i already took it so so say goodbye to the denny's say goodbye to the montanas and the kelseys did you guys ever have a perkins do you have a did you have a perkins thing in uh kingston it's like it's like denny's but it was perkins you ever have an arthur treachers no okay what about a broadway you ever have a broadway never never had a broadway broadway used to all of their food was like um like we went there for breakfast and like all of their breakfasts were like the take one the take two like you know because it was like broadway like new york hollywood or whatever cafe yeah yeah so like because we were hilarious we used to go and we're like yeah i'll take uh one take two and uh i'll take three differently just [Laughter] well i mean it wasn't that funny but you know oh you guys ever eat at the uh the zeller's cafe no never yeah oh i had a many many chicken uh club sandwiches at the zeller's cafe bacon cheeseburgers oh man was the lowest price the law then it was well the number hey that that was why they had to close down they couldn't compete with amazon anymore and they were like well you live by the law you die by the law dude i was thinking mouth you remember i i think this is like a european type bit but this the town next to where we grew up is called napanee and it was like a a big village so they had a department store but it wasn't like a walmart or a zellers or anything it was the sand it was just a big byway with the bar there was a byway there too a giant tiger man and they had i think it was originally i think i feel like did the i think they added on amp i believe they they did at the next i remember that yeah i mean now dude this i had no idea sand was canadian i actually thought it was like from poland or something it's a chain of discount department stores that began in winnipeg manitoba and ended in 2008 when it filed for bankruptcy yeah i was gonna say it was like you know geez it was no better than giant tiger no dude i i many times when i ate there with my grandparents i uh like ordered a chicken sandwich and then bit into it and it was like frozen in the center oh that's disgusting that is all of all of their chains were sold to the bargain shop chain stuff that is a discount variety store chain operating in all anglophone provinces in what about uh did you guys ever have a loonie toonie uh we had a buck or two yeah buck or two yeah we had uh dollarama bucker two and a looney toony all right all ram is taking over it's like the old huge survivor dollarama and uh what a name where are you going oh dollarama it's like like people like shop for a lot of stuff there it's like yeah it's a great place to buy like um like novelty candles and stuff like that like if you need a candle for somebody's like fourth birthday it's one of the best places to get it i do a lot of video shopping there yeah do you know what it's the same over here you have like over here you have like pound land and the pound store and uh like 99p world and stuff and uh the the candle selection is outrageous it's insane or halloween decorations and around easter you should see the jesus candles they're insane like uh fully wax like uh figurines of jesus and stuff uh i don't it's nuts fully waxed yeah yeah like brazilian i don't know yeah yeah yeah there's not one that jesus got a landing strip oh my god i didn't know he was brazilian i thought he was uh from he thought he was greek no no he's totally brazilian hey you seen him like a beard the hair from here most of the images of jesus christ that i see make him look like he's from like peoria illinois like he he looks like he could be like a landscaper at a public school in illinois but those aren't photos those are artists representations all right no but i mean come on like i think everybody kind of knows what he looks like by now it's kind of like tom brady but with with blonde hair i thought tom brady had blonde hair oh no he's a brunette right yeah i don't know look they all acknowledge my own toxic masculinity here it feels weird to describe an adult man as a brunette it is a bit yeah you just hear it then i wouldn't describe myself as a brunette like yeah like you have brown hair yeah some not a problem brunette i don't know it's just different it does sounds like like i would i would say cindy crawford's a brunette yeah yeah like patricia like a classic brunette but like i wouldn't say that uh like mal for example i wouldn't refer to you as a brunette well you better start buddy because you ever uh you're running into people that have uh black hair but then when you say they have black hair they're always like no it's just dark brown dark brown it's one of the most common arguments i've ever had in my life some people have like jet black hair though like really dark i there's so many like mouth we had a mutual acquaintance at least in in high school who also had uh he had an afro and was our valedictorian oh yeah yeah yeah yeah and in middle school i would always be like you know what what color is your friend's hair i would write black he would get furious man he's like it's not black it's dark brown and i'm like his hair was very clearly brown though what are you talking about dude you didn't see him in second grade you didn't see him in second grade did he get his did he start dying his hair like your hair changes as you age like i was blonde when i was born and i'm bald now you know that's a good point [Laughter] like little synopsis my whole life i was against what happened i think facebook is dying again no oh it's my oh do you know what second did it cut out no you're fine it was kind of like you you muffled robot yeah like in a submarine oh sorry yeah yeah i don't know hang on a second do i have seventh hole voice activity do you have your uh your solana miner active right now yeah yeah yeah no i think it's weird every once in a while it cuts out like i was having this issue the other day too sorry okay here's our third did you catch anything i said yeah well i heard you were very you were laughing yeah yeah i was i was laughing because um probably what i said not what mouth said yeah no it was what you said i i just like the whole like sequence where you're like i was born bald then i had hair and now i'm bald again that's it that's it the lord taketh and then he giveth and then he taketh again oh my god it's gonna be quite the putt you ready it's a it's a 95 footer okay you get it in uh i'll give you five gift subs you don't get it in you give me a hundred gift subs okay wait oh how many do i need to give you no so i was just saying i never agreed to this guy i would have honored it if it went in because that was crazy but oh man that was that was absurd man oh man i don't need no practice swing [Music] malfunctions 100 gift subs yeah here's 500 subs not even in the same ballpark he's got a four footer to deal with here it was always like napping is so funny because it i remember like people were pogged up for like six months when they got a tim hortons there look i'll do five i i did five hey well hey i did you did you used to just like thank you thank you mcdonald's and like for the longest while and then they got like at the pizza hut and kfc i remember that and then they got like for the bird um dude i had so many oh my god i'm three feet from the pin not even though like it's it says three feet but it's not it's now you just wait i'm gonna get you back to me you're gonna be playing new world i'm gonna wait till you go to the bathroom or eat lunch or something i'm gonna give out five gift subs in your chat no no no no please don't you you won't even see it coming new world is great by the way it's really good i was gonna ask is there a way when steam i could if any of my friends log into it it just removes them from my friends list um yeah i'm sure you could like set up a macro yeah you know you not like the look of it no i don't care i just don't i don't i i've never played an mmo singing no there's some great fishing in it really good yeah why not just play planet fishing well because then you you you can't like run around and and kill stuff when you get angry that you didn't catch the fish you were expecting to catch right now in my mind yeah man i mean i was there not long dude i'm i'm at right back at my 12th birthday party at the napanee pizza hut right after they introduced the tearaway crust that had garlic bread instead of pizza crust you dipped it on my garden do you guys eat a stuffed crust like cheesy crust i would if you're in there if it's an option you guys don't feel sick like after you eat oh i do but that's just that that's par for the course of pizza hut i guess yeah if i'm gonna feel sick i might as well get some cheese the cheese i like that it's not good cheese but it tastes good yeah yeah i can eat like a slice but if i eat too many um too many pieces with the stuffed crust i'm i'm barfing like it's just an overload also so expensive you get like two large pizzas it's like hey that'll be 52 and you're like what that was how i felt when i got two beers at the canucks game last night oh my god i did get two beers they were like that'll be 32 and i was like um okay and then they're gonna make up for lost time it's been like look at this over 500 days since they last had people there right i mean to be fair as well it was an import it was a mill street sorry how much beers sure but man you could have just brought your own like just four tall cans of old milwaukee for like four bucks oh man that's the secret you could have snuck them in the babies changing bags shotgun them in the costco parking lot right before the game no they would have they would have they would have caught them when they were patting down people to make sure they weren't bringing vaccines in they did they were like you guys aren't bringing in any vaccine any antibodies are you i was like no officer oh i've done my own research man i don't want to bring it up because you know it's like but there's been a lot a lot of like hockey not a lot but like the few and it's like obviously makes the news but like hockey players that are just like you know like i don't want to take the vaccine and like they're saying some like duncan keith i was like yeah he's like i don't know why i have to take it you know i keep my like i'm pretty healthy i keep like i have just worked out yeah people are just like you really think just like being uh healthy is gonna stop you from getting this virus dude i was laughing because i mean basically because it's the oilers but they like signed them in the off season uh dunking keith to because they wanted him to provide event veteran presence in the locker room and then you know two months later he's like yeah i'm not sure about all that vaccine stuff he's a really good example for the for the young players i think well did you you hear about archibald i don't even know who archibald is honestly he plays on the oilers and he is a vocal like you know oh he's the guy he got myocarditis yeah because he didn't take the vaccine and he had coveted in the summer and now he might not ever play hockey ever again which you know man it's kind of wild yeah okay well now he knows how steve eiserman feels yeah he now has one thing in common with steve he's retired he'll never play hockey again either i mean it's in but honestly he's because eiserman's the general manager he kind of like plays every day even when even during the off season he's playing he's playing yeah he's still playing the game he's free he's a pretty pretty fit guy so he could lace up you know i think so i you know like in the 50s sometimes like someone would get the the spanish flu and then the coach would have to play goalie i think like they should bring that back for like one game a year like one game a year they should be like your coach has to suit up do they ever do um do they do like any like uh like old-timer games like would they get like gretzky and like uh i don't know i guess bobby ward is dead but like he's alive he still tells you he's just dead to me sorry i do not like him now he's gonna be dead by now but i guess he's still going no people got mad because he took out like a full-page ad supporting trump back in the day he did indeed right so he pretty much is dead to me at least he's canceled but he's canceled for sure oh my god are you serious he's actually that's crazy yeah no but do they do that like an old timers game they have yeah yeah i don't think they don't like it's not like you know i mean you can watch them or whatever but they don't do it like like i think they should just have gretzky play one game a year for every team wouldn't that like okay so he's he gets on the bus in vancouver plays a game for the canucks the canucks are playing the flames after the game he undresses goes to the other locker room and gets on their plane and then flies to nashville and like just just let him play once for every team that'd be a dude i would love to see the gretzky dude and then when he goes and plays for the rangers he they'll get him to fight tom wilson to get back you think he'd still have what it takes like against all the young bucks though probably not no no he'd get dummied i think yeah i don't know i mean your your iq and all that helps for sure but if you just filled this water bottle full of wayne gretzky uh special reserve that maybe [Laughter] nice i i had the pierogies at wayne gretzky's restaurant oh really um when i was a kid wayne gretzky used to have a restaurant at the uh sky dome he did well basically yeah no it was it was down i think they got rid of it yeah that was what when um what what was the mexican place we went to in toronto mouth that everyone was sad when they demolished it sneaky d's yes i don't think it actually i don't know if it actually got demolished when it was going to everybody was like dude sneaky d's is like a cultural treasure you can't get rid of it this is like everything wrong with new toronto and then when the wayne gretzky restaurant was going to close down for condos people were like all right but just i mean just the one condo building okay just the one you know as long as you put a starbucks at the the bottom we're cool can you imagine suggesting to your spouse that you go eat it with the wayne gretzky themed wrestler for your birthday be that exciting at all right like it's just i don't know twitter no it's either gretzky's or shoeless jones i would rather oh come on what about medieval times you could go to that i would have don't have one downtown toronto you gotta go you gotta get on guard you gotta go out to like oshawa or something dude i can't go back to medieval times no i haven't been banned or anything but we went there in eighth grade last time i went was messy [Laughter] let's just say uh they did not take uh my suggestion that i could be okay i don't know where i was going with this something to do with like sir there is no brown night and then i'd be like they pooped their pants or something but anyway um in eighth grade we went there for um graduation like we drove the turn well we had a like a tour bus that goes to toronto we ate medieval times and they rigged it so that our knight won because we were there for eighth grade graduation right i always thought like first i can't go back because it's never going to compare to it being set up to be in my favor but there is also a part of me that's like what about all the other kids that are just here but it's not their graduation like i guess you know nobody cares about them sorry you didn't happen to be seated in the the red night section uh as a result like your night got eliminated immediately go home um well i mean i think like you just go for the experience right you don't really care if they win or lose that sounds like you're just there to have them have a flag in a veil and uh you know a hunch of uh whatever you know well i don't know what it would be i don't know what it would be like to go there and root for a losing night because i have a 100 percent win rate that's why i can't go back like it wouldn't compare to what i have in my head dude let's make a game and then uh we'll have like channel point integration so you can bet on you now you're talking yeah how about let's make a game uh a squid game yeah didn't did creators say like i actually would like to play some of these games and i'm like with with the you know i'm like you can play red light green light man just roll up to like any playground imagine red light green light with like uh paintballs though instead i wouldn't honestly i would not i would never get shot i would i because you just i think i'm really good at red light you just stop moving when they say red light like how hard could it be well and you have to you you got to like because it speeds up as well you just have to know when they're going to turn right they're like i would i would simply not move when they say red light it doesn't seem that hard mm-hmm yeah now the one where you gotta you know bust the candy out sorry spoilers but yeah i haven't been to that sorry sorry look it's it's it's not a canadian game anyway but that one i was like i would be dead in two seconds i would probably just that was a great i'd probably just eat the thing so i could go out with a full stomach [Music] what would if it were like a canadian squid game like what would what would they oh well it's got to start with mini sticks oh yes sir what about um you know that game where you balance the ball against the wall and wall ball wall ball yeah they could have some wall ball in that dude what about 500 up 500 up that would be a good one horse jackpot horse is good yeah you can nullify a jackpot though right before someone caught it you could be like jackpot negative jackpot minus and then you gotta not catch the ball yeah something like that oh 500 up was freaking 500 was great yeah we used to do it two ways either like baseball uh bat tennis ball or um like a tennis rack yeah yeah oh 500 up that was a game man i was i was telling chat earlier about i don't know if you guys ever played it like how widespread it was um but like manhunt oh yeah yeah so like subscribe do you know what manhunt is no basically it's like hide and seek but you play it when it's pitch black at night so like okay yeah we did we used to play that but we called it flashlight wars because the the man the man hunter had a flashlight see we never did we never gone on we never did that we could also canadian squid game play a little crocodile or curling early is it crocodile i thought it was crocodile crocodile it's the l is silent oh crocodile as is the e after it i'm telling you though you know what is more mobile and just as fun as it was bocce ball which is more of that's i think an italian thing i believe this is italian yeah it's arsenal nice shot mouth nice shot mini sticks so man oh yeah did you guys used to have those oh so many did you guys used to bend them did you melt them on your stove to get uh like a bend in them you could get a dirty curve in your mini stick and then launch a tennis ball at like 500 miles oh my god yeah we used to do it all the time it was great um we'd play uh we'd play uh like mini hockey in my friend's basement with with the curves he's the door we were making like holes in the wall [Laughter] i can't believe like my knees used to be able to like just stay down in the mini stick position for like two hours well we used to play like in the early 90s and that's how we ripped up all of our jeans because we wanted to be cool right so we played tons of ball hockey on the floor and uh every once in a while we'd be like hey is are there any rips forming like you look at the knees of your jeans oh man and this next pot for him those are the days oh man soccer baseball i guess it's just kickball in the rest of the world but something about that dude that purple nerf ball like there's a it was a soccer ball but it was foam if you hit the sweet spot on it it was like tiger woods hitting the drive in the 1999 masters man did you guys ever have one of those nerf footballs american footballs with the whistle yes all over dude neighborhood oh man i had one and it was like my most prized thing and this one time like my my family and like my uncles and every where my my grandma and grandpa's and they like their backyard was like pretty long like down slope to to like they're to a river no and they're like back the deck kind of like overlooked the backyard and stuff and then uh my uncle was he's like hey mikey uh you want to bet i can i can get the the football in the water and i was like no way no way because i actually believed like there was no way like it was so far away like it was like i don't know man it's gotta be like it was over it was 200 feet almost which probably not but anyways he chucks it and like everybody's like cheering when it actually goes in the water and then like i was on the verge of crying and i was like like i didn't know what to do with my life and like he so he actually had to get out in the canoe and go down the river together because i was devastated dude i had to have my my dad i was probably like five or six he bought me a nerf ball it was like my most prized possession took it to school you know it happens this is not like malevolent just in the process of playing a game it landed on the roof of the school which i was just completely again i was inconsolable for like a day but then they were like don't worry the janitor will come down like go up two times a year grab all the balls and then throw them off the roof right that was like the best day yeah but you you had to be there ready to catch your ball because people would steal balls and that's it's like you're a prophet because i was there in like first grade and then i see my prized like purple nerf ball he's got in his hands he throws it and then like some sixth grader is just like got it oh weather it's not purple anymore it's yank because of all the sun i remember it to this day and i was like there's no there's no scaffolding for me to get this ball back like kick left here hey on the on on the topic of poppers i used to have those nerf poppers you know the ones it was like a long tube and you put a nerf ball into the end of the tube and it had like uh like this handle and you would like you would push air into the tube with the handle and it would like pop the ball out and it would make like a pop sound you could put like four or five into the tube and pop them out and you'd go like you just like run around the whole neighborhood like doing that it's so good i don't know if you remember those things after after that i didn't get another nerf ball every once in a while you'd take one home from school inexplicably had like a big bite mark out of it um the foam was tasty so many parts of like uh a middle school gym class closet that i still have questions about to this day like what the hell are those yellow scooters man with the four wheels that only two of them work you can't really stand on it you'll fall over sitting or kneeling on it is like insanely uncomfortable even for a child like what what purpose do they do they serve yeah i don't even know what you're talking about yeah i have no idea if you look a yellow square scooter and then you look at it you'll be like yellow square scooter yeah you'd always get your fingers stuck in the in the wheel well and be like ah aren't they just for moving stuff no they have like 30 of them like oh the little like it's just a square and it has four wheels on it you just yeah yeah right on them we used to have them we used to have to play dodgeball on them you had to like sit on them and like roll around and and play dodgeball it was so stupid you know what was the best thing when you're a kid they had the big colorful like rainbow tarp yeah and then you all throw it up and then you get underneath it and then it was like this big dome filled thingy and you're just chilling man that was you ever do they do that at uh the activity gym that i take my daughter to and every once in a while you know they're like okay everybody get under the parachute and then i like go to get in and they're like not the adults and i'm like yeah i know [Laughter] oh man or the the earth ball like i've i've told this before and everybody acted like i was like i went to a different universe or different dimension there's a big earth ball it's probably like four or five feet tall or around i guess you could say and then you'd get in a line and you grab the ankles of the kid in front of you the first person gets onto the earth ball and like drapes their body over it and then the teachers roll it and you just it like goes through the line and every you get dragged up when the person in front of you gets onto the ball and you go like whoa man i don't think i've ever yeah no that's a cult thing the parachute yeah it totally was it was at bible camp oh man i never knew it's just someone in chat a trusted source please google earth ball ankle holding did you guys you ever go to a summer camp mouse whole like life is a summer camp holy crap yeah i guess malfunctions right yeah i'm on the ground oh nice no not quite no i never never went to a summer camp see what he does i spent my summers outside but you know yeah yeah i went to one year i went to one and uh it was called camp abernathy and we we called it camp tabernacle right yeah that means perfect we used to get in trouble every day every day we'd call it we'd be like oh man i love camp tabernacy and they'd be like it's abernake okay like that was the whole summer it was just that that there was um uh like i went to the it's like a week or two week like leadership camp thing in high school and um wait how did you why did you go to leadership camp um was it because someone told you to go or did you decide yourself no they asked me they're like you're so good would you do us the honor so would you say you were like following me and then they invited me back the next year and they're like you're you're we're not supposed to do this but you're such a good leader like if you were a leader you wouldn't have to be invited back you would just show up going with the nine you know what that would be the big alpha leader the best leaders know how to lead by example and sometimes the example is is being asked to do things sometimes it's just knowing when to hold them and knowing when to fold them and so it was like leadership like or something like that it was like a real weird name and the kids would always like uh they had to give like these speeches and this one guy just kept going i was like ah they're like like gucci's awesome we love the gooch and stuff like that and like he thought he was being so clever like the adults didn't know what he was saying oh yeah yeah it was funny he was a great leader and so camp camp at bernanke was out of town like out of the city at least or out of the suburbs so at a rec center so the um so the water smelled like eggs and tasted like like if you like you had to drink from the water fountain or whatever i don't know we went to a lake for like a day trip one one day and uh i got leeches all over my legs it was really gross and uh the last thing that we did at the end of the summer was we camped out and uh went on like a ghost walk you know like oh spiritual tour yeah sort of thing and uh it was not scary or interesting at all and the camping was just in an open field not even like in a forest or anything man it was just the worst like it was not not good well in in our high school uh that malph and i went to every year wow what a put wowie like two or three kids per class maybe like five or six kids per grade would get chosen to go to leadership camp uh and i'm sure you you went many a time mouth uh but just again i i also went twice how about that no that's going right um but i they didn't invite me i just showed up and then they said you said you passed you've got the credentials but to give you an idea of the caliber of student at our uh at our high school i remember we were doing like some kind of team building exercise and i was like there was another classmate there i said hey your fly's on done and they said oh thanks it's been doing that a lot lately i can't seem to get it to stay up and i was like you know when you do up your fly you take the zipper up to the top and then you turn the zipper head so it faces down and then it's like locked in position and he was like what the holy cause like i saw his the light bulbs go off in his head you know and that was in like 11th grade i i still think of that uh to this day i'm like i i have saved that person's embarrassment in a lot of circumstances let's see what happens um oh dude that's like oh what's the i think you should leave skit um calico cut yeah you gotta get oh the urine stained pants or the urine same paint yeah what are they called calico cup pants yeah oh they are calico cupcakes yeah yeah that's like a new what they got they come with the pea stain on them yeah you gotta give you got to give okay fair way right oh i still haven't watched the rest of season two of that actually i need to oh you should well yeah i will i just um i think you should watch i'm just laughing on the chat man people are like holy it actually works [Laughter] [Music] it literally locks it um what do you mean you just point it down yeah you know like when you do your fly up you take it yeah you take it up to the top and then you put the zipper head down like the you i mean i've just always done that but more for aesthetic reasons i didn't know it like had any purpose no that locks it dang man you ever have a pair of jeans that didn't have a zipper they just had like buttons oh yes like four or five buttons thanks h m [Laughter] i hate those like just give me a zipper oh my god dude it makes it so hard to go to the bathroom and you're like 12 mclays deep yeah at that point you just you're just keeping the pants off [Laughter] oh you might have a little too much on this let's just find like an oxygen mask that you can just put over here i'm telling you your dick your whole dick six months from now elon's gonna give a presentation that's like you can now piss in the tesla model s plaid edition while driving and people are going to be like wow yeah but this oxygen mask reinstalled oh you know what they're going to do it's going to have like a drug alcohol analyzer in there or whatever and then elon's gonna sell like all your piss data to like facebook or something it's my piss metadata you're like this guy's drinking eating like a lot of bacon and then facebook starts surveying ads yeah making ads and whatnot well and you'll be doing it in the card too because they're guests with the cars they got all the big screens you won't be able to interact with your screen until you like acknowledge that you watched an ad for like the baconator or something there's a wendy's in six kilometers exit 101. please no it's just it's just too much meat and not enough crispy vegetables oh i'm with you man i'm with you you ever think about um how much of your life as a child you spent being advertised to like i i genuinely think that about five percent of my waking hours between age five and age 18 was just soaked up with advertising i watched two to three hours of tv a night with my family i mean that's like two hours right there you're only up 16 hours a day it's like 12 percent of my day you guys used to watch like always here right now america's biggest home videos oh man yeah family matters everybody loves you i watched all like 11 000 episodes of everybody loves raymond with my family what about entertainment tonight you ever watched that i did yeah entertainment my mom used to watch it all the time yeah chris pratt showed up at the tomorrow war premiere wearing a valentino suit i hated going to my grandma's house because after dinner she'd always watch 60 minutes so boring man it's the worst interviews with like richard nixon and stuff like that yeah who cares yeah my dad he watched jag with um you you know catherine bell dad katherine bell you knew where i was going no but at the time i didn't care man because it was so boring your dad he was getting away with something unreal you know they're wearing like 18 piece military suits man some guys are into that though i used to watch uh mash with my dad but it was just like i didn't understand the show i was pretty small at the time but he really liked it so i just i just wanted to like watch whatever he was watching it was kind of like an excuse to stay up a bit later or whatever so i'd always be like hey when's mash gonna be on look at the baby i i noticed yeah look at that oh she's so happy she had a lung there oh hey yeah i gotta look that up i know i was at the game but it was at the other end of the actually oh wow baby's getting big how old's uh how old's babies are like one in a bit yeah she's one one year and one week old now oh my gosh but on wednesday we've got her dreaded one-year vaccination oh and we just had a call with the doctor today and i was like she takes care of her immune system and she does her own just get her to exercise more do some research like i'm giving her like a horse dewormer she's fine i've given her 5 000 units of vitamin d a day like i don't know what else you want from me spends like 30 minutes in the bouncy chair today like it's her body her choice i mean she can do what she likes so she's got a uh she's gotta get four vaccines on wednesday and she's gonna freaking lose it i know she's gonna lose it man she's not gonna remember it she's not but she she'll remember it longer than she remembered her three-month vaccinations just like a minute later she was like ah check this out you want to see a cool trick yeah hey honey where's your nose oh look at that one i'll take your word for it but i highly doubt she pointed to her now she went like boop oh man oh yeah so it's like on a delay she did she honked her nose oh you know what that means she's gonna grow up to be a clown oh no don't put that either that'd be a good skit for some kind of show like father from a very young age like i want to be a clown and the parents like oh okay and she'll grow out of it but then they never grow out of it and uh wouldn't that be funny well for you maybe not for people who live it mouth suggested help your daughter's gonna grow up to be uh a clown how do you even go about becoming one though like you go to clown college no i know but like how do you even go about doing that yeah well you gotta these days you uh you need a scholarship or either go to like devry or trump university no you you need uh reach for the skype oh yeah you want you you wanna go to clown college oh you mean yale oh man that's crazy um no but how does how does like apart from going to to clown college or clown school or whatever how the hell does anybody even become a clown like what what twists and turns do your life take for you to to then own like a green wig and all the face paint and the big red shoes and stuff like come on well if you watch the joke i feel like you see many more clowns in media than you do in real life yeah i've never seen a club i've never seen one in real life this is the true story but remember there was the the clown epidemic like five years ago where people were just seeing clowns in the forest and stuff like that no yeah but i mean that's like that's different i'm talking like dude i'm just everyday clown like finishes up his job goes home and like has a pint of vodka for hangs up his wig on the way in the door yeah yeah hangs up but puts his big ass shoes god i just want to strip those clowns [Laughter] one time kade and i we went grocery shopping late at night it was like 10 p.m we were driving home we go to a four-way stop nobody else on the road right hold on let me just frickin drain this oh baby um i stopped at the four-way stop on the sidewalk a jason to me was a man in a clown costume and i swear he just like squared up looked at us and slowly raised his arm and pointed at me while i was driving and then started to like nonchalantly walk over to us while we were in the car and we were like holy get out of here and we just like booked it and drove home i was so scared man what was he gonna do i don't know but i don't want to know what he's doing he looks so confident that'll keep you at even i was scared it's just like i don't i don't there is a point in time when like man maybe he just wanted to to like just slide those dad shorts right off dude [Laughter] but like when were clowns last funny there had to have been a time right like in the 1920s yeah the taft administration let's see what he does like like at a circus like circus clowns when they used to happen now circuses are all like acrobatics and stuff right yeah you gotta be like animals yeah nobody ever comes out at cirque du soleil with like a a flower attached to their lapel and then when they get somebody to smell it it squirts water in their face yeah they go into the audience and like shake hands with like a shock buzzer on their hand with all the audiences no you never go to cirque du soleil and like 15 full-grown adults get out of like a car that looks like it could only hold one person you know i'm gonna tell you if there was a cirque du soleil but they're all they're doing the acrobatic stuff but they're wearing like the oversized clown shoes and stuff yeah i would pay to see that you would have to pay to see normal cirque du soleil it's can you imagine it's pretty expensive too the whole room goes dark there's like one big like uh streak of purple light illuminating the stage the enya music starts and then a dude with like size 25 shoes i miss when like the height of humor it was like you watch a movie where like a barn collapses on a guy but then like he would just stand still and then the window though he would just come up through the window frame like man the old buster key that's yeah inviting my invited my friends over hey guys you got to watch this new youtube video this is the one where uh he bites his finger this is the one well charlie charlie that's an nft now man that's stealing dude yeah i do miss those days it's like have you seen the one where the guy does like the evolution of dance it's so good dude one of our acquaintances all i can see is somebody's bare legs yeah i like it one of our acquaintances anytime he had more than two moose heads he would put on the evolution to dance and like at some point we had to be like come on man we've all i get it look he does the he does the hustle and then what couple minutes later look at that he's he's doing the robot now he's doing the macarena isn't that crazy you just got over it you know you've seen it once you've seen it a thousand times true dude was wearing some nice dad jeans though did watch grape lady falls about a thousand times though oh yeah it's beautiful oh that's an eagle holy crap here we go oh man sneezing pants do it charlie you you can laugh at charlie bit my finger all you want okay they minted it into an nft whatever it's too rich for my blood but then they securitize it i bought 110 000 of the charlie bit my finger original video nft which seems like a bad deal because like you know what is one ten thousand but you idiots don't even realize that um it every two days that i stake it it spits out two bytecoin and you if you use the eight bytecoin equals a charlie buck and then if you go to sushi swap you can swap your charlie bucks for finger rooneys and those are going straight to the moon you get enough of those you could buy a slice of david after dentist you own a little bit of david after dentist you flip it a little bit all of a sudden you own three percent of leave britney alone which i don't have to tell you has mooned this year brittany and loan she loves her aunt oh wait man to grandma i can't remember i don't think i've ever seen the original really leave britney alone [Applause] um yeah the the the i think it was like chris something was like the the christian chris crocker they uh they're they had i remember like going back to the youtube a few times because they they had like a vlog or something and there's this one where it's like i think it was like his cousin or something and then and then they just like they're like we don't care and they start like making out like hardcore tongue action in the video um i was like this is this is too much man they were they were just ahead of the time for youtube yeah nowadays they'd be like i'm just trying to think of a big youtube channel but i can't they'd be the new jimmy fallon it'd be the new logan paul we don't we don't talk about logan paul we don't talk about that no i don't i don't idolize boxers he lost all his street cred for me when he started fighting if he just stuck to the youtubing that's the thing fine go back to vine noob [Laughter] they've chosen the pitching wedge oh spicy is there anything on the twitter terms of service that says like it's illegal to misrepresent something in a tweet because i thought of like a really good strategy to grow your twitter account and it's just this wear a suit and make your new profile photo a picture of you in the suit and then change your bio to be like angel investor or something like that and then just make a tweet like i will give five people who retweet this a million dollars watch it go to the moon and then just never give out the money uh yeah but people are on to that now they'll they'll come back and they'll be like where's the screenshot show the proof or something i'll be like well i gave it to them and then it's up to them to give the screenshot right and yeah and then you can be like i respect their privacy yeah yeah they don't i can't reveal the winners because then they might get harassed exactly people want a handout man interesting so i think it could be like a sick idea okay he's setting up for birdie here let's see what happens and then after like five of those tweets just make a tweet that's like a gofundme that's like sorry i gave all my money away on twitter can you guys give me some money dude i'm just i'll just start i'm gonna start adding mr beast every single day if you ask him to give you like a million dollars he's only got to say yes once right if he says no like a hundred times who cares man but dude gives out like 10 grand like candy so like maybe like i could probably get them like once or twice a month oh you you just like the same way kids change their halloween costume to get candy from the same house they just they go up and then they go away and then take their mask off new profile image like get once a week oh mr beast you're my favorite youtuber i want give me a million dollars i mean you know anyway my whole family's in the hospital and need the money good good say that yeah that's a lion though you can't say that mel angel investor man i guess so man jeez

Channel: Northernlion

Views: 10,075

Rating: 4.9472294 out of 5

Keywords: games, twitch

Id: ECxf4ZxIykc

Length: 71min 47sec (4307 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 07 2021