MATT RIFE Comedy - Best Stand Up 🚩 TikTok Compilation #14

that's for me what is it it's a bear you got me a Build-A-Bear why it's a voice message too in it as a voice message from your show where you said if someone got you a Build-A-Bear oh my God so I did I did a tick tock one time where the girl in the audience was saying it was a red flag that a guy brought her a Build-A-Bear on first date and I had said in the video I was like I would love if somebody brought me a build-a-bar so you brought me one yeah I got to do more jokes about getting my dick sucked [Applause] yeah thanks I guess this is so sweet thank you oh your numbers are on here it might still happen it might still happening [Applause] we can use them for cleanup can I take him out of here yeah this is so cute oh you didn't really he didn't spring to get him any clothes kind of a whole you didn't really Build The Bear and kind of just looks like you stole one guy though there's a voicemail press the Paw what if I press it it's just like I want you it might be the other one that sucks I can't lie that's um that's not incredibly audible but it's a thought that counts thank you so much this is one of the sweetest laziest gifts I can there you go there we go this is my security in case I know you're on your Will Smith [ __ ] right now like getting offended running up on stage keep my wife's name out your [ __ ] hands [Laughter] because yeah never mind whatever that's such a cool skill man this looks like you solve an imaginary Rubik's Cube is uh anybody gay [Applause] anybody at all anybody in the vicinity I know it [Applause] [Laughter] this man will jerk you off with a poem [Laughter] [Laughter] you're so sweet I've just never been in this position before [Laughter] [Applause] sacrifice did my interpreter just get gentrified who um who are you signing for I don't even know but it's not you [ __ ] you've been here on the whole show you make us wish we were all down you don't sound deaf at all this just seems so extra what was your name Nicole great to meet you Nicole how did you um how did you hear about the show um nice to meet you guys this is so exciting thanks for coming I just I just wanted to know it sounds like you don't need to be here is everybody be nice especially you feisty I like your energy a lot I'll come back there and take your [ __ ] batteries out all right Super Bowl s y'all gotta chill the [ __ ] out man if I have her sign something will you relay it verbally all right [Music] oh [Applause] you didn't know this was deaf Comedy Jam did you you didn't know and what you're literally scraping food onto a plate while you're talking to me about sex you're enjoying yourself have you ever tried it quietly annotation what's that oh oh oh my inability to please others oh no I could definitely make you come for sure who you here with by yourself no damn you couldn't even get somebody to come with you [Applause] damn [Applause] I'm a nice person okay you guys see I didn't start that it does finish it I comedically like gave you a facial no I was like I don't know how much better it can be there's also police officers here I met a uh foreign [Applause] [Music] play role play what's on the bulletproof vest and then she's a teacher [Applause] sorry I'm not one of your students my bad sorry about that [Applause] that's not even the last school shooting joke of the show you lived in a Crematory why do you know that just knows that stuff nerd he's right next to a nursing home foreign the convenience Beth [Laughter] yeah there's a cemetery by the Children's Hospital come on Pennsylvania have a [ __ ] heart man you do not go to the cemetery next to a [ __ ] Children's Hospital you put it next to the school [Applause] I told you there was one more I [ __ ] told y'all man I didn't know where how it was gonna go but we [ __ ] we found it all right that's the last one probably nobody ever seen a ghost I have there's six of us in here I saw you okay me me me me me me me me me what's true that's how you win a breakup that's how you do that [ __ ] it actually almost got into bed with her actually it almost got into bed with her you had a monster come to the foot of your bed it was mumbling some kind of language you didn't understand and then you thought it went away and the covers beside you in bed lifted up and then let back down you farted shut up oh my God nice try oh it smells like eggs in here must be a demon I think our house is haunted man do you hear that grumbling yeah [ __ ] that's your guts he's sick right now backtrack hold on how did your how did your ex send a demon to you we're ready was a very big like he did like witchcraft stuff he did witchcraft this is already on you at what point in this relationship was he like I'm a witch also real quick aren't males Wizards yes he was so he was a wizard you you he threatened to kill you why balance a day before the year anniversary come on but you could have waited two more days you couldn't have had the anniversary and then one day after being like that was really fun but it would have been worse by celebrating the dermatite I don't think so I think he probably had some [ __ ] planned maybe a sacrifice for the for the one you don't look like a virgin I don't think it was how was the dick though that's why you make a deal with the devil right right six Lord I swear to God please I've never seen a demon I don't imagine have you seen an angel um yes I keep hitting you with [ __ ] that I'm like this is the end of the conversation for sure I just saw one too a demon I meant a girl looks like she'll suck your soul out laughs just in case yeah dude that's what I'm talking about man how long you been out and about 20 20. summer of 2020 but recently were you just that bored in the house how old are you you're 20. your birthday is this Wednesday happy birthday um now you guys got to compete who sucks better dick so he's got home field advantage all right let's test it Alex get back out here Alex [Laughter] [Applause] are you single you are single you're gonna die that way anyway you got any more room on your team because this [ __ ] is annoying oh my God so no public boyfriend just yet that don't cheer you homophobes what what made what made him not [ __ ] besides you in there [Music] but you were [ __ ] turds actually [Applause] stupid um oh I'm sorry real question what's your name man what is it Jamal Oh I thought it's outside of Jamal y'all have so little black people here who started naming white people black women just to make up for one more time Joelle Joelle white okay good how long you guys been together 11 years God damn [Music] you took him from your best friends [Applause] Shame Shame this way you can't be going around telling your girlfriends how good your man's dick is his name's Joelle but he [ __ ] like Jamal in his face he's got to think of a Jamal [Applause] interesting you guys have any kids really [ __ ] I'm jealous I do want kids some there [Music] [Applause] college baseball oh man you've been fingered in a dorm for sure okay good oh okay so who went pro and didn't take you with him who was it all right what what is it that you don't like about college baseball players the ego of playing a Collegiate sport at a high level you can't be proud about that the seventh pitcher on the team I love how you're clowning them for that but Loki you [ __ ] the seventh pitcher on the scene foreign [Applause] do you know that [Applause] strike one [Applause] [Music] [Applause] says just an ego thing that's the only thing you don't like about it he you never [ __ ] him damn you couldn't even [ __ ] the seventh pitcher on the baseball team damn strike two where did you go to school you didn't go to school you didn't go to college strike three [ __ ] [Applause] what's your name Jesse Jesse pleasure to meet you what do you do work wives you take care of your two younger brothers what do you want to do after the kids are grown um I was going to school for forensic anthropology you you were going to school for forensic anthropology what's that basically I would like look at their bodies and trying to figure out uh what happened to them did you get to the point in the school where you were like face to face with a dead body no I quit going to school because you wait hold on what would you rather not repeat that she basically she stopped going to school because she started having some negative thoughts and wanted to focus on some Health Care some self-care we'll we'll phrase it that way she was she was not doing so well mentally so her parents were like here watch our other two kids oh my god well good luck I hope you don't end up looking at two more dead bodies good morning guys foreign would you be like in like the morgue is that where where your work would take place field work not a term I would be using in the South but [Music] a roasted you I figured I at least owed to a conversation sure thanks for being so sweet um don't put me in your note [Applause] on you what's your name Casey Casey and Jesse pleasure to meet you Casey and Jesse you guys are adorable where'd you guys meet in Columbus Ohio you guys drove from Ohio you're not even allowed to be gay up there that's crazy what stay down here well well maybe I'll go west a little bit yeah um yeah here yesterday are you going back tomorrow you guys do anything fun for Easter repent Maybe did you guys go to church this morning you have food poisoning [ __ ] eating the wrong fish [Applause] Jesus saying clean up clean up here [ __ ] I'm kidding now what's Penn's mechanic look exactly in Columbus an arcade bar like um pinball machines and stuff like that just work on your finger and just interesting do you remember who would you come out to First you don't mind me asking your friends and did they know they're like yeah [ __ ] you you look you dressed like that you don't skateboard at all you're young you don't have to do it anytime soon but would you ever want kids you think if I'm rich if you're rich well you're gonna have to stop working at an arcade bar that's step number one oh man I go through backpacks like crazy like because I fly so much they always [ __ ] up my bags it's always the like the the lining on like when a strap meets the actual backpack it gets [ __ ] almost carrying so much [ __ ] I go through more straps than you guys do [Applause] I was trying to get to it I was like how can I I'm gonna squeeze that in without any lube you know that's so cute man I wish I was good oh you calmed down back there before I have her come back here and Peg the [ __ ] out of here what gets in the way the most communication that's a big one well it doesn't always seem to be verbal you know I'm sure you guys are Pros that reading lips you know settle it rock paper scissors you know like the bolts you know you put up on stage the whole you hella comfortable man what kind of work you need those boots for electrical contractor electrical contractor nice you ever been electrocuted you've been shocked like finding out your daughter's a lesbian you did IVF invert infertile and uh internal vitro asphyxiation they put eggs and semen inside you and then they just [ __ ] so this is my impression of them after an argument oh did you know it was going to be too like did you know you were selecting twins oh really I didn't know you could do that you had to choose the sex you can't do that canceled cancel cancel cancel cancel cancel Shang this is what I was talking about man with Nashville's so funny you guys like no school shooting stuff but I was like a little bit of transphobia and you guys like come on back in there baby yeah you can't make fun of the kids just the shooters yeah yeah foreign I've got jokes for these cows someone say that the stakes are high that one didn't like that one what did the adult Buffalo say to the child Buffalo he said bye son hey Ryan hey I I found your flannel that's my dogs why does it fit so well I don't know look at me these snatched bro what are you guys doing huh

Channel: KitTong

Views: 33,702

Keywords: matt rife, comedy, standup, funny, stand up, netflix, standup comedy, comedian, nick cannon, crowd work, only fans, dave chappelle, roast, tfil, comedy special, travel, jokes, netflix is a joke, hbo, comedy central, standupcomedy, comedy show, hilarious, mattrife, matt rife comedy, best comedy, laughs, funnyaf, matt rife stand up, bring the funny, improv, how to, reaction, matt rife laugh factory, reaction video, rife on the road, tfil exploring, tfil mall, tfil new zealand

Id: 0WlJhzONPbA

Length: 24min 11sec (1451 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 08 2023