Marriage Counselors, Which Couple Had No Chances? (r/AskReddit Top Posts | Reddit Stories)

marriage counselors of Reddit have you ever straight-up told a couple to give up on their marriage if so what what happened it is considered an ethical for America therapist to advocate for a specific decision on marital status such decisions are only to be made by the couple there are certain situations where you may need to facilitate a conversation between partners about their marital status but the decisions are always there's not a counselor but my friend told me that he and his wife were in counseling and the counselor asked to meet with him privately and told him that there was nothing wrong on his part he was doing everything he should have been doing and needed to do and that if his wife wasn't going to change nothing would get better so I suppose he didn't straight-up tell him to give up but he implied it and let him make his own choice from there people go to marriage counselors for permission to break up all time time this will probably be buried but after two one stroke two sessions an emcee told me to end it ex-wife is bit filler and would completely lose it every 3-6 months diagnosed just after we were married after three years of suicide attempts and affairs on her side I left and agreed to twelve sessions of emcee before filing first two sessions are okey but okay then in the third she claimed that her infidelity was because I didn't make enough time for her the counselor asked me how I spend my time and I pulled my calendar 6-7 morning routine 8-5 work 5:30 to 6:30 exercise pick up food go home and make us dinner spend evening with her repeat emcee asked her what wasn't reasonable about that and she stood up screamed at emcee you're supposed to be on my side walked out I apologize to MC and get my wallet out to pay for the session he said he isn't charging me but is going to cancel all future appointments young endless now and don't look back knowing that even mcs wanted us to fail completely reunited us as a couple and we've been happily married over 15 years now kidding I took MCS advise and ran out of that tire fire of marriage as quickly as I could my marriage counselor pretty much did my ex-wife we were trying to work through things was a compulsive liar she lied about anything and everything from whether or not she checked the mail to pain bills to being pregnant she wasn't twice after several sessions the counselor is seeing the extent of her lies a lying to her rent new lies after the last session her exact words were in the session that stood out the most I have no idea why he's even still with you if it was me I would have been gone a long time ago my job is not to save your marriage or tell you to get divorced it's to help you both come to a decision on where you want your marriage to go and help you both with that direction I'm much happier now we married to someone I trust 100% I did know a church his mandatory premarital counselor who gave the perspective couple mayor's Briggs personality inventory tests and then warned them if they came up as incompatible although did not specifically tell them to not marry of course the MBTI is of dubious value and it is not clear that any results actually indicate future trouble so it was probably not a great experience for the couple obligatory not a counselor after my mom's second hospitalization for suicidal ideation her psychiatrist laid it out for her essentially she said your husband doesn't believe that he has any problems and blames everything on you he is a narcissist who will never change and I'm not going to waste my time on marriage counseling it's up to you if you want to stay they got divorced that was in 1993 my dad still refuses to believe that he has any mental health problems I've been no contact for about three years now best decision I ever made by once spoked a couples counselor and she told me that by the time people came to see her usually the woman it was too late in the marriage was already over emotionally I'm not a counselor but I was on the receiving end my ex-husband and I went through months of counseling and he would cry and say he was willing willing to do what was suggested and week after week we would go back and he would give every excuse in the book for not trying what he said he would after about seven months of this we went to an appointment and the therapist was done he looked at me and said you need to run and run far he's a waste of your time and you'll always be hurt if you stay it's not my job to tell you to get divorced I'm being paid to help but I can't help him I can help you by telling you to divorce him and I did and I continued going to the therapist until I was good one visit he told me my ex tried to continue to see him and he said he couldn't because of a conflict of interest this therapist he was worth every penny honesty goes a long way not a marriage counsellor but my friend went to several musci is going through a divorce her soon-to-be ex-husband suggested a marriage counselor and she decided to go the first one they went to the ex had picked out and he wasn't actually a marriage counselor he was a preacher who was a big advocate of women being submissive to their husbands so the preacher spent their session telling my friend she was a terrible human for not just letting her husband beat her my friend decided to try marriage counseling one more time but she picked out the people it was two people a man and woman they listened to both of them and the ex-husband started getting super creepy saying stuff like you can't live without me my friend had a panic attack and got taken out by the female counselor who told her she needs to go no contact with him because of all the threatening thing he was saying and implying went to couples counseling with my most recent ex she flat-out told us we were about nine months too late and she'd do what she could but the resentment was already deep-seated and it would be an uphill battle we lasted two more months salafi had it fixed multiple silly mistakes I have a friend whose wife has debilitating paranoia she thinks people are spying on her taking her food and trying to heal her she has accused several of his friends and relatives of hitting on her she is not much to look at he begged her to go to counseling but she refuses saying everything is fine so he goes alone both counselors told him to run since people with his condition only deteriorate as they get older and she has started to get violent my parents went and the counselor told my mom to bail my dad is a drunk with Asperger's and a heavy case of affluenza he got my mom pregnant without her consent on the fourth day of them knowing each other and told her it was because he wanted to change his life he didn't end up doing that and invited his sidepiece to their wedding reception while my mum was five months pregnant he drove drunk with me in the car as an infant on more than one occasion not marriage counselor bit aspiring my couples therapy professor last semester didn't like him too much said he had a couple come asking just to be assist if they should get married or not he wrote up an assessment saying no they got married anyway he didn't know end result people do what they want at the end of the day in future practice I like to say I'd only advocate for marriage dissolution breaking up in instances of abuse and even then that circumstantial though there are some modalities frameworks of treatment that safe there is on going abuse porn going cheating or psychological impairment in at least one partner that would affect treatment common one I hear being narcissism you shouldn't take the couple to begin with which I view as a sub-q to the couple their relationship cannot be fixed in other words they should not be together I knew a counselor who did premarital counseling he said couples should ask the counselor what their breakup percentages before agreeing to do therapy theory being if 50% of marriages end in divorce then probably a number approaching that should be the break-up rate I think he was 20-30 percent which he thought was higher than many of his counseling peers I don't think he told people outright not to marry but couples came to realize it on their own with the new insight not a marriage counselor but our pre marriage counselor met with me in private and told me that my fee and K was controlling and suggested that I postpone the wedding at a minimum our divorce will be final in a month I'm a psychiatrist who doesn't do relationship counseling but know a few who do one of my systemic therapist friends really believes in the paradoxical intervention where you suggest to the couple that they are so stuck over such and such an issue that they may as well break up the aim is to unite the couple against the therapist so they work together to prove them wrong it's reserved for fairly specific situations I was actually part of the couple after we saw our marriage counselor several times he asked to talk to each of us separately my wife talked to him first when I went in he told me that she had already found a lawyer and I'd better get one if I wanted to keep my kids because she was going to move out next week he actually recommended a lawyer for me and I did get primary custody I think he could tell that I was the only one trying to save the marriage marriage counselors of Reddit are any of you married I don't think a counselor is supposed to give directions like that but they can provide guidance for you to understand what you want case in point after discovering my wife's affair I started MC immediately to try and fix things as I couldn't accept that this was happening to me she had still been seeing the AAP when I told the MC that it was really painful catching her still betrayed me he simply looked at her and asked why are you even here that was probably the best thing he could have said in the closest to telling us it isn't going to work I needed that slap in the face to come back to reality my husband is an LM ft and I asked him this question he said that he would never do this and wasn't quite willing to say it would be unethical but not best practice he would tell a couple what he felt was necessary to keep their relationship alive make it healthy and then they could reach their own conclusions about how willing they would be to do those things if you think about this it makes sense therapists don't tell you how to live your life or what you are capable of doing they help you understand and point you in the direction of the work you need to do and you decide to do it or not that being said there is a type of therapy called crucible therapy which is specifically directed toward helping people reach conclusions about whether or not their partners help them grow as people my husband doesn't do that type of therapy but I'd wager that is the only type of therapist whose job it is to tell people they should give up or not as those who pursue it specifically are there to have that question answered previous marriage counselor made a very indirect comment to me that I might do okay on my own and could find someone more suited to me it was very odd happed indirect but I heard it I know this post is directed to counselors but I thought this might be relevant I am actually now with someone who is very well suited to me from the time comment was made to actual divorce from that guy was many years my wife and I we're in counseling and our therapist had mentioned that the goal is always to bring the relationship back she said she only really continues counseling after a jinan divorce has been made between the couple to help the transition if there are kids involved counseling helped us get our marriage back on track I was half of the couple in the scenario but it happened to me we went in for a couple's session twice then the counselor suggested we each see someone individually and then they'd all discuss and come up with a plan for us after the individual sessions the couples counselor called me in and said they all agreed I need to leave the situation as the relationship exhibited all signs of emotional and financial abuse not a marriage counselor but my fiance and I just went to premarital counseling we only did two sessions among all of the things that we told the counselor we have dealt with in the last couple of years losing people schools stress and everything we didn't really touch on that just ways to try to communicate the counselor acted like everything was good and we were done after two sessions I felt like it needed to be more in depth the amount of pain we have been through has been wearing on us and creating some tension should we have asked for more sessions I guess I was surprised by her a PO in things you owe and it had me wondering whether or not we shall could see a different counselor not a counselor but it seems a bit unethical for one to say so plainly to give up however I was told by not one but two counselors therapists that a marriage with only one adult is doomed to fail I didn't really want to hear it the first time the second time it felt more like permission to put myself first and find a partner and not a wife this happened to my mother she was on her second marriage with this absolute [ __ ] of a guy and they started going to marriage counseling together after their first appointment the woman immediately called my mother and requested a second appointment without the husband presence my mom arrived and she told my mom to leave him as soon as physically possible not a counselor but was in a counseling session with my wife when the psychiatrist told us this about five years ago I actually wasn't surprised my wife had has a lot of issues anger depression and I highly suspect borderline personality disorder I have my issues as well and quite aware of them however my wife's issues are what caused us to separate 21 months ago marriage counselor told my mom that my dad wasn't going to change after he walked out on the session and that she should consider divorce my wife and I went to a marriage counselor who listened to us for about 30 minutes and said you should just get divorced still together have been married 11 years together for 18 turns out the problem was a lack of communication understanding and realistic expectations that Farrah pist is still in business I wonder how many people listen to her never tell them straight out but a counselor may objectively lay concerns on the table it works both ways in the sense that we don't advocate for couples to break up just as much for couples to stay together in short a counselors responsibility is to use questions to generate thought and insight into our clients perceived problems in part for the sake of collaborating on goals that are most congruent to areas that the client identifies objectively for their personal growth as your question suggests utimately projecting on to a client or a couple as to what they should do to feed the purpose of counseling and can often be a telltale sign of incompetence a friend of minors in couples counseling right now or I guess I should say he was they went into the first meeting and after talking for all of five minutes the counselor said it would be their only session and that they weren't a couple just two people trying to co-parent their daughter my marriage counselor actually told my ex that she wouldn't see him anymore or us together after it became very clear that he was actively lying at every session she told him that if he was going to lie to her face she couldn't help him and wasn't going to allow him to waste our time I continued to see her throughout the divorce I worked with a psychologist who saw a couple for pre marriage counseling among their chief complaints the couple reported being both verbally and physically abusive to each other the psychologist saw them and on their first session asked them do you think a couple struggling with verbal and physical abuse should get married I believe in a follow-up they had decided to postpone the wedding so I think it worked out for the best TL DR she didn't tell them not to get married but instead asked from if they thought they should the couple came to their own decision and called it off when my marriage was tanking I suggested marriage counseling we had been separated for a couple months she agreed to it as long as she didn't have to dumped her boyfriend I went to the courthouse the next day and filed for divorce here's a funny I am a marriage therapist this happened way back when I was a relatively newbie counselor my girlfriend and I were dating and working out some issues before heading to the altar and we went to a couples therapist at the end of the first session the therapist flat-out said she had serious doubts as to the future of our relationship even I knew that was a no-no we never went back a few months later the therapist took a job where I worked and guess what she's my new boss not surprisingly never really got along during our working time together wife and I have been married 16 years now and together 20 I had the inverse I went to couples counseling with my then wife the first thing my wife says is I don't know what we are doing here our marriage is over the therapist asked if she was sure she said yes and then the therapist said I guess we're done here in and out in under five minutes I wonder if that's a record I went as a last-ditch effort with my kids dad I wanted to say I tried everything after a few sessions he stopped showing up but I kept going our counselor looked at me and told me I needed to make a safe exit plan for me and the kids I had such a sense of relief someone else saw it he had convinced me for so long that it was all my fault and that I was crazy I signed a lease on an apartment the next day my best friend just got divorced his ex-wife is mentally and emotionally unsound like padded room levels she was abusive living in a distorted reality and would destroy everything around her to make herself a victim she used to be my friend too and now anyway after some months of therapy their marriage counselor took him aside and said paraphrasing off the record you need to get away from her Keith one of you will ever have the opportunity to recover while you're together she was dead right too [Music] [Music]

Channel: Storytime With Reddit

Views: 27,300

Rating: 4.8868685 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, askreddit, top posts, r/askreddit, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, askreddit top posts, ask reddit, subreddit, reddit stories, funny reddit, best reddit posts, best of reddit, askreddit new, askreddit stories, reddit story, story, stories, askreddit funny, reddit best, funny posts, funny, funny askreddit, r/, best posts, reddit funny, people, funny stories, memes, Cowbelly, Updoot, ToadFilms, storytime with reddit, sir reddit, planet reddit, marriage, counselor, divorce

Id: uwMEzkDm7bA

Length: 20min 25sec (1225 seconds)

Published: Thu May 21 2020