Weekend Update: MAGA's Taylor Swift Super Bowl Conspiracy, Trump's $50 Million Legal Fees - SNL

>> Announcer: IT'S "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THANK YOU. >> WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE." I'M MICHAEL CHE. >> I'M COLIN JOST. WELL, JUST HOURS AGO, PRESIDENT BIDEN WON THE SOUTH CAROLINA DEMOCRATIC PRIMARY BARELY EDGING OUT HIS CLOSEST RIVAL, TIME. [ LAUGHTER ] AS YOU MAY HAVE SEEN ON YOUR AUNT'S FACEBOOK, MANY MAGA PERSONALS ARE CLAIMING THE SUPER BOWL IS BEING RIGGED SO KANSAS CITY WINS AND TAYLOR SWIFT CAN COME ON THE FIELD WITH TRAVIS KELCE AND ENDORSE JOE BIDEN. MAGA PEOPLE HAVE SO MUCH TO KEEP TRACK OF, YOU HAVE TO HATE THE NFL, TAYLOR SWIFT, BUD LIGHT, DISNEY, KRISTEN STEWART FOR SOME REASON, ELECTRIC STOVES, WIND MILLS, THE CONCEPT OF RAINBOWS, AND THE GREEN M&M, AND YOU HAVE TO THINK EVERYBODY IN THE GOVERNMENT IS A SECRET PEDESTRIAN FILE EXCEPT FOR THIS GUY DANCING WITH JEFFREY EPSTEIN. I MEAN, ISN'T THAT THE HAPPIEST YOU'VE EVER SEEN TRUMP? HE'S DANCING LIKE NOBODY'S CHECKING IDs. >> HEY. PRESIDENT BIDEN MADE A DRASTIC CHANGE IN HIS IMMIGRATION POLICY SAYING HE WOULD BE WILLING TO SHUT DOWN THE BORDER IF GIVEN THE POWER BY CONGRESS. IT'S THE KIND OF UNEXPECTED SHIFT IN DIRECTION BIDEN USUALLY ONLY MAKES IN THE MIDDLE OF A SENTENCE. THE BIDEN CAMPAIGN IS TRYING TO APPEAL TO TO BLACK VOTERS. IT'S GETTING SO BAD, HE NOW ONLY HAS SUPPORT FROM OBAMA'S WHITE HALF. DID YOU GUYS ALL FORGET? >> IN SOME GREAT ECONOMIC NEWS FOR PRESIDENT BIDEN, U.S. OIL PRODUCTION HIT AN ALL-TIME HIGH THIS WEEK, AND THE ECONOMY ADDED A SURPRISINGLY ROBUST 350,000 JOBS. OR AS FOX NEWS REPORTED IT, ARE MIGRANTS TURNING YOUR KIDS TRANS? CAMPAIGN FINANCE RECORDS SHOW IN THE LAST SIX MONTHS, THE SUPER PACK BEHIND DONALD TRUMP SPENT $50 MILLION ON LEGAL FEES, AND THAT'S WITH THE CHEAPEST WORST LAWYERS OPT PLANET. CAN YOU IMAGINE SPENDING 50 MILLION ON THE PEOPLE WHO JUST LOST YOU 83 MILLION? THIS LAWYER DID SUCH A BAD JOB, I THOUGHT HER ACTUAL NAME WAS OVERRULED SIT DOWN. >> NIKKI HALEY HAS LAUNCHED A SERIES OF CAMPAIGN ADS TARGETING TRUMP AND BIDEN CALLED GRUMPY OLD MEN. OKAY. BUT AT LEAST THEY'RE MEN. CHICAGO BECAME THE LARGEST U.S. CITY TO CALL FOR A CEASE-FIRE IN GAZA, AND IN RETURN, GAZA CALLED FOR A CEASE-FIRE IN CHICAGO. [ LAUGHTER ] >> THE FCC IS PREPARING TO CRIMINALIZE UNSOLICITED ROW BOW CALLED THAT USE AI TO IMPERSONATE POLITICIANS. YOU CAN STILL IMPERSONATE TED CRUZ BY SHAVING A SLOTH'S FACE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> BLACK HISTORY MONTH STARTED AN THURSDAY. 20 MINUTES LATE. DURING A SENATE HEARING -- [ LAUGHTER ] DURING A SENATE HEARING ON CHILD SAFETY ONLINE META CEO MARK ZUCKERBERG TURNED TO THE AUDIENCE AND APOLOGIZED TO FAMILIES OF CHILDREN HARMED BY SOCIAL MEDIA. THE FAMILY SAID THEY WERE SURPRISED AND, QUOTE, CHILLED TO THE BONE. THAT'S A HORRIFYING MAN. >> NBC HAS ANNOUNCED PLANS FOR A SPINOFF OF SUITS. IT WILL FOCUS ON MEGHAN MARKLE'S STRUGGLE TO BALANCE HER LEGAL CAREER WHILE ALSO CARING FOR AN UNEMPLOYED IMMIGRANT. >> I LIKE THAT. I LIKE THAT ONE. A PIZZA HUT IN CANADA HAS GONE VIRAL AFTER EMPLOYEES POSTED A SIGN ON THE DOOR EXPLAINING THE LOCATION WAS CLOSED DUE TO UNFORESEEN CIRCUMCISIONS. IT WAS OBVIOUSLY A MISPRINT BECAUSE PIZZA HUT LOVES EXTRA TOPPINGS. [ LAUGHTER ] >> A RACEHORSE IN OHIO WHICH HAD WON A RACE EARLIER IN THE DAY LATER TESTED POSITIVE FOR METH. OHIO, WHERE YOU HAVE TO TEST HORSES FOR METH. >> POLICE IN KANSAS FOUND A STOLEN STATUE HONORING JACKIE ROBINSON BUT SAY THAT IT WAS DAMAGED BEYOND REPAIR. ALSO POLICE SHOT IT BECAUSE IT REFUSED TO DROP THE BAT. [ LAUGHTER ] I LIKE THIS CROWD A LOT, MAN. >> A FAMILY IN MICHIGAN WHOSE DUCK LOST ITS MATE PLACED A PERSONAL AD ONLINE TO FIND THE BIRD A NEW PARTNER, AND IN A LOVING ACT OF UNDERSTANDING, THEY EVEN SPECIFIED, POWER BOTTOM. [ LAUGHTER ] >> A WOMAN IN UTAH WHO GAVE BIRTH TO HER EIGHTH CHILD JUST TWO WEEKS AGO IS COMPETING IN THE MRS. WORLD BEAUTY PAGEANT. I GUESS SHE JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH CROWNING. [ LAUGHTER ]

Channel: Saturday Night Live

Views: 3,218,374

Keywords: SNL02032024, saturday night live, season 49, snl 49, weekend update, weekend update snl, weekend update saturday night live, colin jost, michael che, trump, joe biden, donald trump, snl news, saturday night live news, saturday night live ayo edebiri, taylor swift, travis kelce, super bowl, nikki haley, SNL01272024, snl, saturday night live season 49, full weekend update, entire weekend update, weekend update uncut, bowen yang, heidi gardner, ethan, guy named ethan

Id: QXVi7RJdbXM

Length: 5min 56sec (356 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 04 2024