Locus of Control: Quick Coping Skill for Anxiety

i want to share with you a quick  activity i do with my clients   to help decrease anxiety and to increase the  sense of safety and calm i use this activity all   the time in session with my clients and you can  feel a noticeable difference almost immediately   so this activity is short and simple but it  can really help decrease anxiety because what   it does is help you clarify what you can  and what you can't act on because i mean   that's what worry is right i mean it's thinking  about a problem over and over again to see if   there's a different solution or something you  should be doing differently so this activity is   all about understanding your locus of control  and it's really simple but you can use it with   lots of situations i use it in marriage therapy  you can use it with understanding problems with   a co-worker or fears about the future but the  important part is that you draw it out on paper   because there's something about drawing that  helps the brain clarify problems and clear up   anxiety better than just thinking about  problems so what you're going to do is   you're going to start by drawing two intersecting  circles on a piece of paper like this those are great circles and write your problem  or your question at the top of the page   so in this situation we're going to be  using the example of parents who are   upset that they have an adult child living  at home and that kid is not motivated so   then in this circle you're going to label what is  in your control and on the circle you're going to   label what's out of your control and this middle  section this where the where the circles overlap   this is your realm of influence and we're  going to talk about that more later okay   so let's start with what's out of your control  so these parents they've got an adult child who's   living at home and they're frustrated that their  kid isn't going to college doesn't have a job   and doesn't seem motivated and they are really  frustrated so they're putting a lot of energy   into being upset about her lack of motivation and  they keep trying to get her to change so if we   start with what's out of the parent's control they  can't control whether their child is motivated   they can't control whether she gets a job  they can't control whether she goes to college   they can't control if she goes to therapy  and they really they can't control the   outcome they can't control whether in the  long run their child is successful or not   right now what's in their control  they are in control of their own   money they're in control of their own property  right they can control their house and they   can they can choose if it's an adult child  whether she can be in their house or not right   they can control their boundaries they can control  what they say they can control what they do they   can control what skills they learn like if they  learn parenting skills specifically parenting   skills for working with a young adult and they  can control what they teach and how they teach   now let's talk about this realm of influence  right so we there are some things we can do that   are going to influence other people's actions but  don't control other people's actions so there's   a lot of ways to influence and i'm going to  list some of them not all of these are the   best ways of doing it but i'm just going to give  you some ideas of what influence looks like right   so influence can be explaining influence can be um  requesting like making a request will you please   do this right influence can be begging or pleading  influence can be setting boundaries that's one of   my favorites so for example if you don't get  a job by next month then you may not live here   or if you would like to live here these are the  expectations right so these are examples of how   we can influence other people and these things  are going to influence the outcome but they still   don't control the outcome so when i work with  these parents i'm going to encourage them to stop   putting their energy into this area that's not in  their control right trying to change their child   trying to control the outcome for their child  and instead i'm going to encourage them to put   as much of their energy as possible into their  influence and into their realm of control right   so instead of focusing on changing their child  they're going to focus on setting boundaries and   what they say and do and how they set examples and  skills and teach and things like that and this is   all about putting your efforts into the process  instead of the outcome right so the process   is this process of of influence of teaching of  trying to change of trying to be a better person   and that means engaging your efforts and actions  into things you can do now and into the things   that are going to be most helpful so for example  begging and requesting might not be as helpful but   boundaries might be now we can also use this for  pretty much any kind of stressful thing that's in   our life so for example you could use it with  the 2020 you know coronavirus pandemic right   and just really quickly we're going to  talk about what that would look like okay so what's in my control i can inform myself  i can choose whether to wear a mask i can choose   what level of social distancing i'm going to  do or not do i can choose what i'm going to do   to support my local health care workers or other  essential workers i can also choose to improve my   own health right i can choose to exercise and  i can choose to eat healthy and you know have   good nutrition and things like that right and  what's out of my control i can't control others   actions i can't control whether they social  distance i can't control whether they wear masks   i can't control whether those masks cover their  noses i can't control some risk factors like   um age or other you know factors um and i can't  control the government what the government chooses   right i can't control whether my state has a  mask mandate or not but i can influence that   by voting i can influence that by talking with  people i can influence that by how i use social   media whether i use that for good or evil how  i contribute to the public discourse is really   my influence on that and then also the example  i set okay so that's one way we can apply this   this cycle to what's going on with the covid 19  pandemic so what this diagram is really about   is about where am i going to put my energy  and where am i going to put my focus right   so am i going to spend a lot of time getting upset  about what other people are doing and whether   their masks cover their nose holes am i going to  put a ton of energy into complaining about other   people or being upset about other people's choices  or am i going to put my energy and my focus into   this process this process of dialogue or this  process of improving myself and learning new   skills or this process of you know taking care  of what's in my realm of control and and often   the best thing you can do is focus on the process  right so with those parents of that you know girl   who won't leave home they should be focusing on  their process of setting boundaries and having   conversations and developing skills instead of  just hyper focusing on the outcome that they   want right her being successful independent adult  and same thing goes with you know our response   to the coronavirus pandemic are we going to focus  on what other people are doing and what drives us   crazy about what they're doing or the things that  are out of our control right we can't control the   case count and the number of deaths directly we  can we can most directly impact the people around   us by choosing what level of social distancing  we're going to do and whether or not to wear a   mask and to wash our hands a lot when you take  the time to clarify your role to make it really   concrete what you can change and what you can't  change then you're able to let go of that stupid   anxious uncertainty that's all about not being  sure of what you should be doing anyways i hope   this activity was helpful thank you for watching  and take care this video was sponsored by better   help where you can receive professional affordable  online counseling for around 65 dollars a week   if you'd like to learn more check out the link  in the description for 10 off your first month

Channel: Therapy in a Nutshell

Views: 276,536

Keywords: therapy in a nutshell, coping skills for anxiety, how to reduce anxiety, locus of control, locus of control internal, how to reduce anxiety, how to reduce anxiety and overthinking, locus of control examples, anxiety skills, coping skills, mental health

Id: Q0guTERGPK0

Length: 8min 59sec (539 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 08 2020