How to Stop Overthinking: Master the ACT Skill of Cognitive Defusion 13/30

hey Emma why you pulling that rope have you ever  tried pushing [Music] one all right guys so sorry   for the bad joke but thank you for letting me  reminisce on my days as a camp counselor for a   second um and this rope has something to teach us  about our anxiety and our anxious thoughts now I   once had a client who was a ballerina and she  was a really good one too she would perform at   top levels uh but she struggled with anxiety when  when rolls for the next production were about to   be announced she would worry and worry about what  what part she would be given and she would wonder   if she would get the lead and she would ruminate  over any past mistakes that she'd made and she'd   wonder if she'd messed up so much that they'd  give the lead to someone else and she'd think   about everything she'd said to the production  manager and she'd wonder if there was anything   she'd said that had been offensive and she also  tried to predict which roles every dancer would   get so she'd think about every single dancer  in her troop and she'd imagine their strengths   and in in her head she'd imagine like a hundred  different roles and she'd place them all in their   positions and then she would compare herself to  them um initially only noticing like all of their   skills and highlighting all of her own flaws  and then she'd flip and she'd obsess over her   own abilities and then highlight all of their  flaws and she would literally obsess over this   for hours for days leading up to like when the  RO decisions were made and this interfered with   her ability to relax to hang out with friends or  to finish her school work so she felt stressed   and confused she couldn't figure out if she was  amazing or awful she couldn't figure out if she   was confident or insecure and she knew that she  like had to be confident so if a fearful thought   came up she'd like struggle against it like  try to force it out of her head with positive   thinking or with another round of obsessing over  who would get each role and the more she tried to   like think positive the more stressed out she  became and the more time she spent inside of   her head and the more anxious she was she stopped  seeing her friends and she became more depressed   and it seemed like the harder she tried the  worse things got so by the time she came to   see me she was ready to quit ballet so here's the  problem that many of us get trapped in most of us   at some point in our lives get stuck in our  thoughts we like ruminate or we obsess over   situations whether it's the dumb thing we said  the other night or the upcoming performance we   need to do so if we have a thought like oh I'm  such a loser then we just believe that thought   without question or we engage in like a wrestle  with our thoughts trying to like force them to   be positive and trying to prevent Popin thoughts  from happening like oh I can't think that way I   can't think that thought or we fear our thoughts  we're afraid of them we judge them we demand that   they change but the problem is that the more we  try to force our thoughts to change the louder   they become and worse when we're putting tons  of energy into struggling with thoughts we get   sidetracked from what we really value in life  so in this video you'll learn how to escape   the Trap of overthinking bothersome thoughts and  negative thinking with the ACT skill of cognitive we resist them this can make them louder the way  your brain works is what you pay attention to you   get more of so your brain is is wired to pay more  attention to the things you pay attention to now   Dean Anderson he's from waset mental health he  once told me a story to illustrate this process   when his family needed a new car they decided they  wanted a suburban and they didn't really know what   color they wanted but after looking through  their options they decided that they wanted   to buy a peor Suburban it's kind of like a Tawny  gray silver color and as soon as they chose that   color they hadn't bought the car yet um guess  what they started seeing every time they were   on the road they'd be driving on the freeway  or driving through the parking lot they would   see peer Suburbans they had never noticed that  color before even though they'd been around them   frequently they the cars had been on the road for  a while and they'd never seen them but once they   started looking for peer Suburbans they started  seeing peor Suburbans everywhere this is how our   brain works what you pay attention to you get more  of so if you have an intrusive thought and you're   like that was awes awful I should never think  that again your brain is like oh that thought   is super important let's pay a ton of attention  to that thought and let's scan for that thought   all the time and if it pops in let's pay even more  attention to it and this is what makes uh thoughts   that thought in particular louder and louder  what you pay attention to you get more of or   if you have a thought like I'm going to fail that  exam and then you struggle against that thought   and you think no I'm a great student I can't think  about failing I have to think positively then your   brain makes both thoughts really loud and that  back and forth interferes with your ability to   study so what do we do instead what does work  with thoughts cognitive diffusion is the act   skill where you stop believing your thoughts  you drop the struggle with them and instead   you notice them you separate yourself from your  thoughts you use your values to clarify what you   do want to pay attention to so the the first skill  with cognitive diffusion is noticing that you're   thinking we talked about this a little bit in  the video on automatic negative thoughts it can   be really powerful when you're able to shift from  the thought I'm not good enough to I'm noticing   the thought that I'm not good enough right we  talked about that in the last video but let's see   if we can take this one step further so this next  exercise uh is called The Observer self exercise   so let's take one minute right now and practice so  close your eyes and start to notice your thoughts   don't try to change them or judge them just let  them come and go for the next minute become aware   of every thought that crosses your mind and as you  notice each thought silently label it as thinking   so for example if you think I have to do laundry  later acknowledge it by thinking to yourself I'm   thinking about laundry or I'm thinking about this  this video or I'm thinking about how hungry I am   after a few minutes of labeling your thoughts try  to shift perspective so instead of being inside   your thoughts imagine you're sitting in a cinema  watching your thoughts on a screen your thoughts   are the movie and you are the audience remember  movies come and go but the audience remains now   shift for a second away from your thoughts and  notice your bodily Sensations can you feel the   weight of your body on the chair or the ground  you feel the sensation of air entering or leaving   your nostrils as you notice each sensation remind  yourself that you're the one who's observing Can   You observe yourself thinking can you notice that  you're the one having thoughts that you're the   one having Sensations this is your Observer self  in action okay so could you feel the difference   between the thinking self and the Observer self  was it easy to stay in The Observer or did you   get sucked back into thinking how did it feel to  watch your thoughts from a distance rather than   being entangled in them when we're caught in the  Whirlwind of our thoughts it's easy to believe   that they Define us but by accessing The Observer  self we realize that we are not our thoughts   we have thoughts We Are The Observer of these  thoughts this perspective can reduce suffering and   provide Clarity in moments of distress remember  your thoughts are just thoughts they're not facts   and they're not you by regularly practicing the  shift from the thinking self to The Observer self   you can cultivate a greater sense of peace and  balance and understanding in your life now act   has a ton of metaphors for this skill um the chess  board is one right your thoughts are like chess   pieces uh but you are the board you're the place  where these thoughts happen don't get wrapped up   in an individual piece just notice the whole board  or another one is is your mind is like a sports   announcer it can make commentary for hours and  hours but the announcer isn't the real event the   real event is the game they're playing it's the  action so our brain is going to make commentary   on much of what we do but when we detach a little  bit from our thoughts we get to be the player so   for example if you have the thought I'm going to  mess up this presentation imagine it's a sports   announcer providing commentary and instead of  getting wrapped up in the thoughts or feeling   anxious you might respond with h thanks for the  commentary mind I'm going to go back to Preparing   and doing my best I'm just going to play you  know there's some other easy ways to practice   diffusion so after this video in the full course  we'll have some exercises like leaves on a stream   and passengers on the bus that can help you get  a better idea of what it feels like to shift from   being in your thoughts to being the Observer of  your thoughts another really powerful way to um   diffus from thoughts is humor so if you're having  a negative thought about yourself you could um   imagine yourself saying it in a silly voice or  imagine it as a cartoon character um or or just   singing it like in a ridiculous way can diffuse  the thought like I'm having the thought that I'm a   loser like just singing it silly Um this can help  you see your thoughts as like less threatening and   just as a thought it's just a bunch of words the  easiest way for me to do cognitive defusion is to   write thoughts down um writing down your thoughts  can be a helpful way to distance yourself from   them so uh you want to make sure you do this as  an observer rather than as as if like this is   reality so you could title the page stuff my word  machine is making up or you title the page like   I'm having the thought that and then you can just  start making a list of thoughts like oh these are   thoughts that I'm having another way to kind of  separate from this because thoughts are so just   everywhere it's like we're swimming in them  and we don't really realize it so one of the   things we often do in marriage therapy that can be  really helpful is calling these thoughts stories   um we do this all the time in marriage therapy  so instead of saying my husband never helps out   around the house you say like oh I'm telling the  story that I'm always a victim here or you might   think my wife is a narcissist and the therapist  could help you discern that like while she may   have some selfish traits you're telling the story  that she's incurably bad and why bother trying if   she's so terrible and and then that story isn't  helping you have a better relationship so our our   word machine of a mind is always telling stories  and if we believe these stories too rigidly we'll   filter out lots of helpful thoughts that disagree  with that story um in a comment on YouTube a guy   named Tommy explained cognitive diffusion from his  own words so here's what he said he said okay so   this is my take on the whole thing thoughts and  feelings come sometimes seemingly on their own   I don't identify them as right or wrong I don't  spend time thinking and overthinking and trying   to pick them apart and figure out why like oh my  why in the world am I thinking like this because   that begins an endless string of thoughts about  thoughts about thoughts they just happen like a   hiccup or my heartbeating so I just kind of look  at them decide whether they're useful and if not   H that was interesting oh well on to the next  thing okay so the whole goal of diffusion is to   help you get a little space from your thoughts so  that you can shift your focus and energy into the   things you care about when you're not so focused  and wrapped up in your thoughts you're free to be   here in the present and engaged with the people  you care about you can put your energy into doing   the things you love so for that client who was a  ballerina I would say get good at watching those   thoughts and then choose the skill of diffusion  you separate yourself like I'm noticing I'm having   the thought about all these role positions and  all this stuff and then I'd say okay what would   you like to be thinking about instead I'd like  to be relaxing or I'd like to be with my friends   okay shift your attention to that but to do  that we have to have space from our thoughts   we practice that with these cognitive diffusion  skills and just a reminder cognitive defusion is   a skill that takes practice it's not about getting  rid of your thoughts or never getting caught up   in them again but it's learning to observe them  with curiosity and openness and um I would just   encourage you mindfulness is another powerful way  to get good at watching thoughts we're going to   talk about that skill in an upcoming video and  I'm encouraging you to just keep practicing and   experimenting with different techniques to find  out what works for you so in in the next video   you'll learn some effective ways to strengthen  your ability to shift your attention the whole   idea of this is we can't push the Rope right we  can't force our brain to stop overthinking but   we can pull the Rope we can shift our attention  gain a little bit more influence over our lives   actually a ton of influence over our lives by  learning to gently invite our mind to change   we do that through the power of our attention  but first we have to have cognitive diffusion   to do that so let's get good at noticing our  thoughts noticing that we're having thoughts   and that we're the place where those thoughts  happen okay thanks for being here and see you soon [Music]

Channel: Therapy in a Nutshell

Views: 248,968

Keywords: therapy in a nutshell, emma mcadam, mental health, depression, anxiety, overthinking, social anxiety, how to stop overthinking, cognitive defusion, ACT technique, negative thoughts, anxiety management, intrusive thoughts, mindfulness, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, mental health strategies, overthinking solutions, letting go of negativity, self-awareness exercises, mind commentary, thinking self, thought labeling, mental wellness, stress reduction, mindful observation

Id: OhNm7ZSiZls

Length: 14min 13sec (853 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 09 2023