Living With High Functioning Anxiety | Jordan Raskopoulos | TEDxSydney

[Music] [Applause] yeah all right yes now make some noise if you love TEDx make some noise if you hate public speaking make some noise if you suffer from stage fright make some noise if the idea of giving a talk in front of thousands of people is your nightmare yes yes it's not for me no I love this I love this this is my heart I know how this works I know all the rules here I know how this works I know I can drop my voice a little bit get a little more conversational talk to someone in the front row hey how you doing TEDx am i right rock and roll and then when I look up we all feel like we know each other a little bit better yeah I know that I can walk over here and say something silly like fart you probably laugh maybe not it's pretty conservative audience it was a risk I [Applause] know that I can raise my voice to a crescendo and let's silence hang for three seconds and then speak quietly purposefully and softly and I have your full attention I do not get stage fright so people find it really odd when I tell them that I have an anxiety disorder how on earth can you have a problem with anxiety Jordan when you are so confident on stage we'll see the problem is I am only confident on stage if you meet me afterwards or in the street you will see me as a timid mumbly wreck who is probably lost for words see the nuances of mental health are often lost on people when people hear mentally ill they think crazy when people think depressed they think sad when people hear anxiety they think very very scared all the time and for some people that is their truth but it's not for mine not for me now I am very very scared in particular situations scenarios with particular processes with particular people and I am surprisingly confident in other situations which would be terrible for people like this hmm when people describe the sensation of stage fright they often say things like I'm nervous I might be lost for words I might forget what to say people are looking at me people are judging me I think it's all too much everything is racing in my head and I feel like I'm going to freeze I know those feelings I just don't get them on the stage I get them when I'm talking to someone and I don't know what their name is I get them if I go to a party and I turn up too early or too late or overdressed or underdressed or I don't see anybody I know I get them in most conversations particularly conversations with people I don't know very well I get terrified when I have a chatty taxi driver or hairdresser or plumber I get terrified like I said in most conversations I'm terrified of checking my email and I am absolutely petrified about talking on the telephone yeah yeah I don't get stage fright I get life fright sometimes I'll try to challenge myself think I might go out for the weekend and meet people and have a good time you know so I'll get all dressed up put on a nice frock but I'm gonna do my makeup get an uber cross my fingers he doesn't want to chat and they'll get to an event probably a bit early and notice that nobody's there yet so rather than be the first one to go in I think I'll stand outside for a little bit and paced back and forth but then I think oh maybe people are watching me pacing back and forth and that's not a really good thing to be doing so I'm just gonna walk around the block a couple of times but after I've done that for a little while then I think oh maybe people are noticing me walk around the block I better go in i go in i noticed that i don't know anyone and so I go to the toilet for a good 20 25 minutes then I think oh there's probably people waiting for the toilet and they're standing out going what is it with this woman in the toilet what is she taking so long what is wrong with her bow I really need to go and so I leave the toilet I noticed that there's a bit of a queue and I noticed that they are watching me and they are judging me and my thoughts are racing I don't know what to do and I freeze like I say life fright it has only been in the last couple of years that I have spoken to people who have a similar relationship with anxiety as I do it's quite common amongst performers actually and I have one friend who describes herself as shy loud yeah and I quite like the phrase shy loud it was perfect and it was only in the last year that I actually became acquaintance with the ideas of situational anxiety social anxiety and high functioning anxiety now the thing is when somebody's anxiety is high functioning that means that they work in society in fact we work really well our eyelids we have such a heightened sense of worry and such a fear of failure that we are often very high achieving and perfectionists the problem is that our level of worry is so high that even simple tasks require a huge amount of mental energy and completing multiple tasks at the same time is very difficult which is why situations where there's a lot of stimulation like a party can overwhelm us and make us shut down when I was asked to come on board and give a TED talk I was told that the organizers liked to be very involved with the talks yes and so when I signed up I was bombarded with a whole series of emails many phone calls and a schedule of when I was going to have a coffee and a meeting and when they were gonna expect a plan and a first draft in a second draft and when are we gonna have a rehearsal and a dinner and another coffee and a chat all reasonable things right have some social occasions to make people less nervous you know and break down the tasks into manageable chunks complete the first task then the second task and so on so the whole job is done without anyone getting stressed out makes sense not for me when I see a list of seven things I then get worried about seven things and because I don't ever get a little bit worried I am a lot worried about seven things and I find it very difficult to do any of them and so I worry and I procrastinate and I do nothing oh I would do much better if someone said you have to do a TED talk see you at the TED talk the cool thing that I found out though is with the type of work I do my worry is actually me doing the work so whilst I'm sitting there procrastinating not actually doing anything I am doing it just in the back of my head so when it comes time to write the thing it just comes out pretty well formed for example this talk was prepared at five o'clock in the morning on the day of the first rehearsal so all i've worked out right is i just need to leave everything to the last minute and it'll be fine which is an absolutely terrible way to work okay it's not sustainable it doesn't work in every scenario it's not very good for my well-being and when I talk about it like that I sound very very arrogant and that is the paradox of the shy loud people see me on stage and they presume that I am confident and outgoing and fun and well-spoken and when they meet me in person they notice that I don't up hold up my end of the conversation I rarely start conversations I have trouble making eye contact I ask very few questions and I often make excuses to leave so they look at me and determine from these two sets of behaviors that I am rude and I am aloof and I am arrogant when people work with me they see that my work is generally of a high quality but they also see that I don't answer the emails as I answer the phone I struggle with deadlines and so they determine once again that yes I am talented and yes I am smart but I am lazy and I am unreliable the truth is I'm not rude I'm very nice I am also very very shy I'm not aloof actually care about the thoughts opinions and feelings of people so much that I'm often stunned into silence I don't know what to say I'm not arrogant actually have quite a low opinion of myself and I'm not lazy I actually think about the work that I am doing so much but I just can't do it I never get to relax I never stop I'm never relaxing even when I'm procrastinating you know I did prepare the talk at 5:00 a.m. on the day of the rehearsal but I was actually rehearsing it for a good two months beforehand in the back of my head and never relaxed unless I'm here in these spaces in this time that I get to share with an audience because when I am in this space I only need to focus on one thing fart there is yeah said fart a TEDTalk there's something very freeing about finding out that you have a mental health issue oh there's nothing wrong with me there's just something wrong with me maybe I can do something about that and I have talking helps talking about it helps so this right now is helping which is really good because you don't get paid for doing a TED talk might as well get some therapy out of it genuine therapy is really really good too and if you find someone who can help take you out of yourself and analyze your own behavior in movin moments of crisis and calm yourself down that is really great I'm not a psychologist so I won't go into the mechanics of cognitive behavioral therapy but I will say that it is very good for these sorts of things I also find that I am most anxious when I am idle so I find it hard to relax when I've got nothing to do so I have a lot of hobbies and in particular I have hobbies that engage my brain and require a lot of concentration so I paint I play games of strategy and I also do roller derby yeah yes yes because it requires a lot of brainpower to stay on wheels and not get hit also my roller derby name is judge booty controlling your environment is really important too and if I find that I am in a situation where I can't cope I'll find a way to take myself out but I also take control of the environments that I occupy different parts of my apartment are devoted to different parts of my life if I am writing I write by the desk near the window if I am painting I paint at the red desk near my bedroom near my kitchen if I am playing games I play on the desk in my bedroom okay basically if you have anxiety all you need to do lots of disks I also have allies I have friends I make sure that I don't go to social occasions alone and if they see me struggling in a conversation they will introduce themselves to share the load often starting by asking the person's name just to make sure that I have got it they also know to recognize when I need to evacuate and help me get out yeah the other thing that I've noticed is the strengths of that I have because of my anxiety I deal with such a heightened level of stress and worry that I am often very very good in situations when people are typically stressed and worried very good on stage quite good at public speaking I'm a very good improviser I am quick-witted but I also really really good at taking charge in a moment of crisis like I said when I can focus on one thing I thrive when I first thought that I might have a problem with anxiety I spoke with my doctor and my doctor said yes it sounds like you might have a problem with anxiety you would benefit from speaking to an expert and then she handed me a piece of paper with a phone number on it and I thought about ringing that number for a long time I'm just too bloody scared of forints and yet I have no issue talking about it to four thousand people tonight [Applause] [Music]

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 905,862

Rating: 4.9472861 out of 5

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, Australia, Health, Fear, Mental health

Id: JUedQ0_EGCQ

Length: 14min 20sec (860 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 26 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/GullibleBeautiful]

I love this. This is often the go-to video I send people when they just don't "get" what my deal is. A lot of people assume that because I can be social and functional that nothing is wrong. I love this lady's sense of humor too.

[u/Cigarello123]

This was great thank you!

[u/staringspace]

Oh, this is painfully relatable. I used to perform in am-dram for 3-4 years, and everyone said how good-a performer I was. I loved public speaking and I enjoyed getting up in front of people to talk about my passions (which, doing a PhD, is quite handy). I also don't mind parties as much either. But as Jordan says, "you make a list of 7 things and then you worry about the 7 things" - that just is me to a T. It's almost like I put on a different persona when I'm anxious, and when it's me alone, that's when the anxiety comes out to play.

​

But, Jordan makes a really good point at the end. The strength you muster from having anxiety, and living day-to-day should not be ignored. You get through the moments that make you scared and come out the other side.

​

Definitely going to be sending this across to a few people.

[u/CRAIG667]

Brilliant! I play in bands and have been asked in the past “How can you get on stage with such confidence but have panic attacks all the time” For me, being on stage is like a protective barrier against awkward panic inducing conversations and a million other anxiety inducing occurrences.