Living With 12 Alters (Dissociative Identity Disorder)

even when I was little for when I first thought that there was you know something different about me. I was listening to these shoulder angels and I literally thought like there was like an angel and a devil like on my shoulder like in the cartoons and that they were just helping me like decide regular things about my life and honestly I thought everybody thought that way I thought everybody had these like voices in their head that were like oh do this no do this and you know finally I started to tell somebody about it they were like not everybody thinks like that how many personalities do you have um I think I have 12 and yeah I think I have 12 welcome to SBS K join me as I travel around the world an interview individuals living with a condition to prove no matter how you communicate but what obstacles you face you're always deserving of love and acceptance so without hesitation let's meet today's friend I have so many questions you know a lot of people do it's ok with all of these personalities are they you know you they're all me ok so they were all broken off as a segment of my own personality so they're all creating one big personality how hard are you trying right now just to cope and have this typical conversation heart um I mean there's definitely like at least six of the people can't be quiet right now and they just want to be like oh you know say this say this you know we want to be heard - do you consider yourself a singular or plural um I talk in a plural a lot like when I'm in therapy I do talk in a plural um but when I'm with other people I try to talk singular but if I was honest probably like a plural because there's definitely a lot of different voices that I consider you know equally valid when you first explain that to somebody what do you hope goes through their mind I hope just that they don't think of me as too different than themselves you know everybody has their own way that their mind works and mine is just very interesting do you see the di D as part of Lauren's personality or a separate part of her that's not really connect to her um I think it's just a a a backpack full of rocks that she's caring around you know like it's so Lauren was just she's got these these rocks in her backpack and it's just weighing her down and it's just kind of hard for her to walk sometimes and you know most Sun that's actually making her stronger it just means that I'm listening to more people in my head and more internal dialogues than a normal person would have to listen to I think one of the misconceptions is that people who have different personalities might be violent sometimes right yeah and that's that's definitely something that is a worried that can be a worry but the reason that we go and get our therapy and get the things that we do is so that doesn't happen and we're working really hard to be people a society that would never hurt anybody I know who she is either way so she's acting like someone she's not and I still know she's really in there and you just gotta give she's having a panic attack or something just like scratch her back give her sing to her a little bit and she gets out of it would it bother you if I was thinking I wonder what she's thinking yeah does that bother you it doesn't really bother me uh I actually like when people ask what I'm thinking you know it's when people take an interest and the fact that there are voices in my head it doesn't bother me at all you know it really is it just feels like someone's taking an interest and in what my life is you know and it's it's more it's it just means something that people would even care to ask do you know the twelve fragments of her personality um she describes very different versions to me and you know he knows the one there's the one that sounds a little bit like Smeagol like for a month yeah Lord of the Rings and so I tell him about that woman a lot cuz that one kind of like is like the bad one it tells like pulls my anxiety a little bit where's that line between this voices being a pesto and this rat is a part of me right so you know I still have to accept that it's a part of me but when somebody is trying to cause havoc to the rest of the system I've got to kind of set that person down and give them a timeout you know be like you can't help right now because you're not being helpful and the system is you right yeah the system is me that's what I call like all of my voices a lot of the time is my system and that's kind of what my therapist has taught me to call it it's just like these are the system of voices that all make up your inner dialogue so my inner dialogue just is fragmented into different sections and I just hear it in different ways do the different fragments have different voices yes some of them sound very different and some of them sound a little bit similar a couple of them sound like my regular dialogue but like one of them sounds like Smeagol from Lord of the Rings and it only sounds like that right it's it's like I call that one the monster voice cuz the monster voice changes like say I watch another movie and like I'm hear another voice then that one can kind of take on that voice and to do things like this like to decide to do an interview like this that's gonna make me nervous kind of everybody has to vote yes so definitely like in situations like this that I want to be in that I chose to be in everybody's there everybody's present you know nobody's mad about it everybody is trying to help the system explain the best that we can so why do you think all of these different would it be correct to say aspects of your personality why do why did all these aspects of your personality agree to do this I think because well they all want other people to understand that we're not that different you know and that disorders and diagnosis can come in all different shapes and sizes and that you should recognize that you know in your everyday life and that everybody has us back story my relationships would fail a lot because you know friends family and any anything because people would be like you're acting different you know you're you're a different person that was very frustrating for a very long time because I was still the same person it was just that I was listening to these different segments of myself that are all me but are you know have different experiences and different memories I was never oh no he's never like like mattering about it I was just kind of didn't understand you know when you don't understand you're you're scared because someone else is going through something it's kind of I don't know it's in a way it's it's frightening for you too but you just have to realize that she's the one who needs help now that's nerve-racking to to tell somebody that you love because they can have a different opinion you know and you want them to believe with you you want them to be on your on your side and he totally was you know he totally was like this is this is what you have and I'm glad that you figured it out but it was it was nerve wrecking to tell him at first it's nerve-wracking to admit when she learned that about herself I could I could tell that she was anxious as up and she didn't want to really come out and tell me first off she kind of was dealing with that herself I saw that but at the same time she came out and she told me it really wasn't like it oh my god really a minute it's hard to finally admit that you know what's wrong with you and that you believe that diagnosis you know especially with mental illness is that you know this is what I have and I believe that too and that's a lot it's a big step and you know telling him was really the like final defining step you know that like okay I've accepted it this is what I have if someone wants to form a friendship with you what do you recommend they do um just understand that there are different parts of me but they're all me and I'll be you know I'll be the same person that you see a lot of different times but I have a lot of different moods so you told me that you have these different fragments different voices could I call it that yeah so as I'm talking to you is there anything any way I should talk to you differently is there anything I should do different um no the best thing is that you're just comfortable talking to me and that the more that you you know you're not putting your prejudices or anything like on another person that's when people start to get anxious is that they start to feel like you're judging them based on maybe your other perceptions of different people with the same thing because everybody's a little bit different you know and so you just have to understand that you don't know what they're going through you know you have no idea what's going on in their head and you shouldn't be cautious or anything of what you're saying because those people want to be normal you know like we want to be treated as normal how would you explain the psychology of why this happened to your personality um basically when I was younger probably between 1st and 2nd grade something traumatic happened to me or something a major point of invalidation or a traumatic event something that I can't remember that happened and blocked out my memory and created a new fragment and that was the first time that I created a new fragment and then from then on to survive in different situations I just created a new fragment because that was my way of survival seeking help with a therapist just not the end of the world you know like a therapist can really be somebody that's reliable and you're your friend and therefore you and your advocate and it's really not you know it's not as big of a deal as you think it would be and if the therapy is gonna help you I would go to therapy or the voice is ever silent sometimes sometimes like they're taking a nap kind of it feels like um and you know like sometimes they like take a little break but there's never a point where they're all silent thank you for watching make sure to like this video subscribe to our Channel and turn on notifications to help s BSK grow and show the world that we all deserve acceptance and a little bit of understanding see you next time do the voices ever chime in when you don't want them to yes a lot of the times they can't control like my voice like they can't chime in through my voice but they can chime in in my head if it gets really bad sometimes I'll like outburst random like things that seem like random outbursts but it's somebody else like saying it in my head i doesn't happen that often but it can't happen to other people that have this a lot more just because it all depends on how much of in control you are and how your system works

Channel: Special Books by Special Kids

Views: 6,754,574

Keywords: dissociative identity disorder, multiple personalities, auditory hallucinations, mental health, SBSK, Chris Ulmer

Id: YAtK2s_SDnA

Length: 10min 50sec (650 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 23 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/ram-ok]

Isn’t this pseudo psychiatry? This woman has been made believe she has these personalities as a way to explain, cover and shift the blame of erratic behavior. Mentally ill and taken advantage of by a quack psychiatrist. Mental illness don’t follow popularity trends, but MPD does. They also come from a select few psychiatrists who are quacks

[u/pantyparty17]

This girl is lying through her teeth, nothing more lame than faking mental illness for attention.

[u/obeyyourbrain]

That would be a tough thing to cope with. Pretty inspiring at how well she seems to handle it

[u/foxhound_vp]

I can't recommend the movie "Split" enough. The main actor portrays an individual with 12-13 personalities. Great movie.

[u/RoopertPupkin]

I'm glad he outlined the letters in orange because it would have been really hard to read.

[u/TotheVILLAINS]

DID only appears in North America, and mostly in the US. It's absolute BS, histrionic attention seekers use it as a crutch to act and confabulate to the point that it overshadows the suffering of actual mentally ill persons. What an absolute trash-can of a human.

[u/workdowg]

I've subscribed and watched many of his videos. He has a very calming voice. The kids truly listen to his questions and give heart warming responses. My daughter has a special needs daughter and I know you need that special something to work with them.