Lele Pons' Book Is Worse Than I Expected

did you guys know that Lele pons yes this Lele pons so bully why because I want to go on a date with you this Lele pons wrote a book and it is so bad I went in with such low expectations and somehow it still disappointed me I mean even the title is obnoxious hashtag surviving high school do it for the vine a novel by Lele pons and her poor poor ghostwriter who probably got paid a packet for this book probably regrets having any part of it now the book opens with a note about the book and it reads this is a novel and the character Lele pons is based on the real Lele pons but it's not her exactly and destroys in this book were inspired by Leigh Leigh's life and her vines but the story is made up this is not a memoir it's a fictional memoir if such thing can exist why not it's a confused model of thoughts which basically tells us that Lele is using this book as some kind of weird wish fulfillment or like to stroke her own ego or it's just like I know a bit of a pat on the back to herself I don't know it's weird is what it is there's a trope in writing that authors often use called like using an author surrogate in which the author inserts like a fictionalized version of themselves into their writing or their book their story whatever when it's done well which suddenly is rarely it can lead to some absolute masterpieces like Sylvia Plath the bell jar or Susanna Kaysen still interrupted for example they are based on the author's real life experiences and include essentially fictionalized versions of themselves whether with the same name or not whatever and those two books in particular there are those wonderful fantastic when done badly it is probably one of the most tragic things you can come across in fiction in this case as Leigh Leigh's done it it is done badly and you end up with this angsty teen drama with self-indulgent writing and and it's like you see the author getting off but none of the readers do as a reader you don't get anything out of it in recent years this has become known especially online as a Mary Sue and that's exactly what Lele does throughout the book to give the Wikipedia summary of what Mary Sue is and critics of a volver term Mary Sue to refer to an idealized officer get the term Mary Sue is thought to evoke the cliche of the adolescent author who uses writing as a vehicle for the indulgence of self idealization rather than entertaining others basically what Lele did with this entire book and it's so difficult to read it's cringe-inducing you just feel really awkward it oh yeah funny thing is though Lele clearly doesn't just do it with this book she doesn't with basically all her videos and every bit of content she's ever made it's weird Misbah I just watch it you're very beautifully and shut up anyway let's move on to the actual prologue of the book which was almost definitely written with no actual input from Lele this includes the line every human being and most animals I find have their own unique essence an essence comprised of deeply rooted qualities that make them who they are ancient Greek hello ancient Greek philosophers would refer to this as the soul I would bet my right leg that Lele pons has never read any philosophy never mind anything from an ancient Greek philosopher in her life what do you think I know say she agrees but I am NOT an ancient Greek philosopher you don't say I am a teenage girl and so I will call it Lele nuts sorry but what the hell oh I I'm also like really confused by this is this lately writing this or is this fictional Lele is this lately in real life thinking she's still a teenage girl because trust me she's or is this Lele at the book being a teenage girl mm-hmm it's confusing it's weird and also what the hell is with all these like grown adults that mostly start from places like vine and became like Instagram comedians and stuff pretending to be teenagers or still trying to act like they're teenagers or passing themselves off as teenagers when they're not lately pons is a 23 year old woman she's only what three four years younger than me it's kinda creepy I'll be honest no no she doesn't in so many of her videos as well like making videos about what it's like to be at school just starting uni all this sort of stuff and it's like no you're an adult at like it stop pretending you're still like 17 or whatever sorry run how do you think you you can act like a child because you are a child 7 next month aren't you I know a little grown-up and then the next paragraph she actually has the potential talked about something really interesting right although again I don't know how true parts of it are and it's really ruined with these cringy lines like I mean can you even which I guarantee are not going to end well at all I did find this bit quite interesting though the first time I read it will come to that in a minute and it is quite interesting that she talked about how for as long as I can remember language has been a struggle for me words didn't come to me as a child so I use my body to communicate it felt so much more natural to express myself that way I felt comfortable drawing up my thoughts and feelings instead of verbalizing them so I'd often draw out storyboards sometimes eight pages long to explain to my parents or teachers what it was I wanted everyone has their strengths and weaknesses the me artwork and movement was strengths while speaking to others using words was a weakness yeah no I'm not going to criticize that as a sentiment I think it's amazing that she recognizes what her strengths and weaknesses are and it explains a hell of a lot about why her videos and her online comedy and the stuff is so poorly written with such terrible stunted dialogue and that you know the plots and stuff don't make sense it explains a hell of a lot of that but then again I also have to ask you know she has so much money why not just hire a decent writer to help her actually put those thoughts and ideas she has into something that does make sense like she did with this book using a ghostwriter but anyway it also leaves me very confused because if you're not good with words and you want to tell a story like this with hashtag surviving high school why write a novel why choose a novel as a way to express yourself surely Lele would be more suited to writing a comic or a graphic novel and working with an artist on that it just doesn't make sense to me and that kind of screams to me that this book wasn't Leila's idea at all it's not something she was ever passionate about it was almost definitely just a grab for cash suggested by someone else that she put her name to that's how it feels to me and that's what I find very telling about this but anyway let's have a look at chapter one just to warn you now as well there is so much terrible stuff in this book we're not gonna get through it all today we're looking at the first two chapters only and then hopefully we can look at some other stuff in later videos and maybe not quite in it's this much depth but anyway chapter one opens with the first thing you need to know about me is I wasn't always the gorgeous sexy cool breezy blonde you know today I know I know it's shocking well even today I'm afraid I don't see you like that but oh I mean she is blonde but making you bad you'd really get comfy yeah she goes on the truth is it wasn't so long ago that I was an awkward outcast wearing braces and last season's clothes two sizes too big no I can hear you disagreeing and Lele has always been perfect well you're right I have always been perfect but that's a story for another time let me take you back to the dark days so you can see that once upon a time my struggle was deep and my struggle was real this isn't just me right this is ridiculous I mean way to perpetuate pathetic basics types that braces and the wrong clothing makes you a loser I mean yeah you have braces the struggle must been so deep and real right you have kids out there who have parents dying who are living in poverty who are struggling with real issues real illnesses you have kids who are like you know full-time carers two family members who are ill you have kids who go through like actual like real bullying everyday for no reason you have kids living on the streets you have kids with issues like eating disorders at drug dependency the alcohol basically kids go through I have a lot of issues and lately chooses to refer to wearing braces include the wrongs and closer a little out of date as as the dark days where her struggle was deep and real I find it ridiculous I know I know I I'm not one of these people who thinks that someone's problems are minimized just because someone else has it worse not at all I totally understand if you go through any kind of like bullying or whatever it's horrible and difficult for you I get that but I also think something as shallow as oh I wore braces so my life was so horrible it's just a little bit I've also heard Lele was a massive [ __ ] at school um and that's what she said herself so I don't know how much of this is actually real and true so I don't feel so bad mocking it were you the popular girl in high school no no no I was I was I was the bully I was the least popular girl I was in the middle I was in a point the most popular girl senior year because we're seniors and I was on dying and yeah I mean I know there's so much of this that just doesn't make sense as well like what is she even trying to say with I wasn't always perfect well yes I was but that's another story but I wasn't what and there's so much repetition and filler in these like first few pages and I feel like she's half trying to do it to be funny and failing in terms of trying to be the whole like oh you know I'm just a cute girl he rambles kind of thing actually let me interject here as someone who constantly rambles themselves it's not cute or funny it's annoying sometimes I wish I just knew how to express myself concisely and simply and I didn't just ramble on all the time it means I can't express myself half as well as I'd like and that is annoying as hell anyway sorry personal note there and the other thing is as well as I think she's trying to go over like oh so keep memory meaning yeah and I think mostly she's just trying to fill space I'll be honest because not a lot happens in the book there's not a lot of story to tell there's not a lot of good writing in it so I think she's just trying to fill pages you know cuz otherwise this book would be like 50 pages long I wish this book was 50 pages long she goes on see my last school then unspool four girls were small you might even say cozy intimate oh right I'm Catholic I come from a small Catholic school and a sheltered Catholic family until today all I've known at the sweet familiar faces at the same twenty kids that's four lines that could have very easily been expressed in about six words it's unnecessary it's filler it's kind of boring it's overly verbose not to add anything I'll set the scene but simply for the sake of it then as more crunchy hashtags inserted into the prose just oh all this crack am I still only on the first page of chapter one like I said this book is not gonna age well you think adding kind of like weird lines from memes and hashtags in is gonna work in even two years time it's not oh yeah even now it's Korean whoo it's hell anyway like I say that's only the first page this is all followed up by typical teenage angst a really patronizing tone while talking about her parents and it's just a terrible terrible terrible message to send to the young impressionable kids who ultimately reading this book I mean listen to this bit my parents ana and luis pons decided abruptly and unjustly that I should move to a bigger school so I could meet more people broaden my horizons blah blah blah before I go to college didn't anyone tell them you can get into college from any old high school just as long as you have a dope internet presence welcome to the 21st century mum and dad please take a seat I actually hate er but then either her or more likely her editor realized that people on the internet like me would rip her to shreds for that last paragraph so she added to that okay I didn't mean that sometimes I like sassiness get the better of me obviously college is a good and important thing but is it for me I'm super eager to become an actress and would get so impatient having to put that off for an extra four years so I don't know anyway I'm a good Catholic girl and I respect my parents wishes look I do my best okay which is how I got here and then of course there's like the weird cliched bullying and name-calling which starts but honestly no reason which I guess yeah I can seem a hell of a lot like a real high school experience but whatever but she says right away I stand out like a sore thumb and yes I get the looks you know when I'm talking about those evil stares kids love to give that say ooh who the eff is she in first period English a boy with spiky blue hair throws a crumpled ball of paper that bounces off my head during second period world history a kid with a backward baseball cap calls out hey why'd you talk so weird when I explained to him that I have a fella swing belt then swallow mic on when I explained to him that I have a Venezuelan accent he calls back I don't know it sounds like you just don't know how to talk you mean speak I say huh you mean to tell me that I don't know how to speak grammatically I mean it speak not talk in this context oh my god what a freak the boy mutters to a cluster of equally jaded pimple-faced boys who laugh not their heads I swear this would have been overdone and outdated if it was written back in the 90s never mind now and the writing is just so and lacking the skill to integrate any kind of description into the story so at one point in these first few pages she literally just starts listing things with bullet points to say this is what I don't like about school cafeterias it's not storytelling it's a list it feels lazy it's not funny and honestly a lot of it is just insulting and rude so take a rant about dinner ladies and kitchen stuff right and let's be honest mostly women in those jobs so I'm just gonna refer to them as women generally obviously some men do as well but just for ease the women who do those jobs do not have it easy they are working to feed and look after hundreds of hormonal hungry probably stressed out teenagers usually for minimum wage those people deserve a hell of a lot more respect and Leila gives them here I actually used to work as a cashier in a school canteen and it is not a fun job I'll be honest again minimum wage it's not pleasant and just show them a little respect you know it's not difficult well I could say not lately she says in her list lunch ladies mean scowling women who seem to hate their lives and hate us for just being who we are I am almost 100% certain that is not true Hennis the lunch ladies were Hanna's that gets sweaty and oily and make me think of the Nets used to catch fish I can't look at their heads without imagining fish-out-of-water flapping around desperate desperately for their lives appetite equals gone so overdramatic and I'm sorry would you rather their hair gets in your food it's a basic health and safety thing a man up get over it show a little respect and then she goes on and actually tries to tell a little bit of like story and plot development and she says then with nowhere to sit and no desire to eat my food I toss my cardboard tray in the trash and hurry outside to get some air before I have a panic attack or accidentally stab someone out of fear and confusion because yes all people who have panic attacks get violent and angry all the descriptions of all three key figures in this book whether it's teachers staff parents whatever I just absolutely ridiculous both from a literary perspective and the perspective of being a decent human being a teacher finds her in and out of bound areas at lunch here and asks why she's there and Leigh Leigh literally writes God just just listen to this right excuse me why are we outside she sounds vengeful and thirsty like she wants to suck my blood and what follows is the cringe East exchange Oh oh my god including this line from Leigh Leigh good lord I'm practically laughing at this point the absurdity of this woman and the situation is too much to handle I guess I'll have to start a rebellion seriously I'm gonna put the whole little paragraph on the screen read it cringe if you need to pause the video to go vomit please feel free to go do that and we get some more absolutely all fall and just demeaning descriptions of teachers it is so unnecessary coach Washington is this boxy shaped woman with a bowl haircut and two silver teeth oh and she's missing the pinky finger on her left hand and then we get this cringy ran about pronouncing her name which I know Leigh Leigh is like gone on and on about like in videos and stuff in the past and I don't watch Leigh Leigh's content but I watch a lot of content about her content I love it when commentary channels and comedy channels like react to her videos and just rip them apart sorry it's like a guilty pleasure of mine watching that stuff so we get this cringy rant about Bridget pronouncing her name right Washington pronounces my name like Lily and I uh and I just absolutely have the corrector that's the second thing you need to know about me I can really lose it when [ __ ] has called me Lily some dimwits even call me Lele or Lily does nobody know how to read and then this is the bit that kind of confuses me on my I've heard her call herself Lele before and then she says this it's like Lele lo like Ella or like you can stand under my umbrella ella ella eh eh eh except if you add some Elle's you can stand under my umbrella ella ella lai lai lai lai that's Lily but she says it's not lately hey that's how you can remember it whenever you're struggling Leigh like hey I tried to explain this all to coach Washington but she quickly loses and moves on I can see why I'm with Coach Washington on this and then they play football in class and Lele doesn't know the rules but she gets really into it and she tackles a girl and they bump heads and then by the end of class Lele says my right eye is completely swollen shut [ __ ] gave me a black eye even though she's the one who tackled the other girl it all just seems very like aggressive and defensive and she's wondering why other people don't like her she makes absolutely no effort to be nice to people introduce herself or anything and just assumes everyone's gonna hate her so that's how they treat her it's really bizarre and now on to chapter 2 and we learned that Lele has a secret life on vine so this is the bit apparently where I think we start to see some of real life lay lays real life coming into this story you didn't know what I'm trying to say yeah you get it what is this vine you might ask well maybe no one would ask that but the truth of the matter is I once did have to ask that not only did I used to be uncool but I also used to be a social media virgin long past the time it was normal meaning it was 2011 and I still didn't have facebook or a phone sorry but in 2011 Lele would have been like what 14 I didn't have any of those things at the age and I mean she's only three years younger than me like I said it's not like we grew up in completely different generations or anything it's so bizarre I mean in 2011 I did have a phone but it was still one of those slidy things with the keyboard you know and she goes let me talk about vine and we get a ton of repetition from earlier with the stuff about her struggling with words I'm going to be physical and use images and whatever a vine wasn't just a way to express myself it was the outlet I've been waiting for my whole life for as long as I can remember whenever I struggled with words I used images to tell a story I used physical communication when I discovered vine I found the medium through which I would finally be able to communicate fully with the world around me to share my thoughts and concerns with anyone who might want to listen I finally had a voice and I was hooked sorry we're on page 28 and she's already said the same thing twice before it is feeling redundant at this point we also get a perfect example of how lowly storytelling is a prime example of telling and not showing which is the exact opposite of what a good storyteller should be doing so again this is something I've spoken about a lot in my poetry videos but how you don't really want to just tell the audience what happens you want to show them so you don't want to say she was feeling sad she cried you would want to describe it you know she'd you might say you know she sat alone in a dark room and a storm was raging outside you know a tear rolled down her treat she cuz she hugged her legs or as she hooked her for you like tight like I don't know I'm making it's like Oh a lot but it's much better to show the story and have the audience picture what's happening rough and just tell them straight up she was sad she cried that's boring that's dull no one's gonna care no one's gonna into it no one's really gonna empathize with your character at all whereas if you show them then they feel this deeper connection they can picture what's happening they can feel it themselves it just makes it all a lot more real and engaging you know so instead of showing us how much she enjoys vine or describing her process of discovering the app you know maybe scrolling through it for the first time or and you know maybe describing her creative process that that first time she made a video or the second time or like whatever you know she could have I don't know she could have described like the shake in her voice when she made her first vine you know fingers hovering over the post button flips in her stomach if she saw the first views coming in you know it could have been really interesting but no apparently that just isn't necessary she just writes when Lucy at BFF from sent Anna showed me her a vine account I felt an instant connection it was the first social media platform I had ever encountered that seemed to be about genuine self expression of versus only the blind desperation for social validation and that's it that's all there is to it it's boring and that's the criticism without commenting on the fact that Lele as a person feeling such an immense connection to probably one of the most shallow basic apps out there which relied on six second video clips like I say we're not going to comment on that so again she continues with this theme of telling instead of showing and instead of telling us how people made her feel bad or what she does like about herself or anything like that she just tells us straight out and it's kind of boring you know so yeah she writes this cut back to I'm at Miami sorry but this literally writes like the notes for her book not the book sorry anyway cut back to I went Miami high and nobody knows who I am nobody appreciates my humor and honesty and uniqueness because I've been quickly dismissed as a freak what I have been so ostracized so quickly judged if I were a boy instead I know I can like you are yeah probably don't get me wrong I like being a girl I like my long thick blonde hair and wearing glamorous dresses for fabulous occasion but being a girl comes with a price well lots of prices being a girl means time to put energy into your looks having to wear a bra so uncomfortable having to sit down to pee so inconvenient and ultimately it means one day having to push a bowling ball-sized human out of you and call it the miracle of life if that's your thing miracles miracle that sounds like a straight-up nightmare I find a weird mix of like self deprecation to try and be like relatable while at the same time like boasting and stroking her own ego it's this really weird mix that's very uncomfortable to read you know nobody appreciates my humor and honesty and uniqueness because I've been quickly dismissed as a freak but I like my long thick blonde hair and wearing glamorous dresses it's a weird juxtaposition that doesn't feel like it's there on purpose it just feels weird ly inconsistent you know also sorry but being a girl needs time to put energy into your look no it doesn't not if you don't want to there's no rules to being a girl and having to put effort into your looks isn't like a necessity for anyone it's something you can do if you want to when you enjoy it but no one has to do that stuff it's a terrible message to send to your young impressionable teenager audience and I mean you're completely forgetting about the men who put effort into aren't you also her comments about having to borrow a bra being uncomfortable again no you don't have to wear a bra no one's forcing you to do what if you want it's your body but also am I the only woman in the world who doesn't find a bra uncomfortable I really like wearing it I like the support I like how it feels I like feeling nice and covered up and supported like I don't know chances are if you find wearing a bra uncomfortable or saw or it's digging in or 18 you or something like that chances are you're just wearing the wrong size seriously go properly get measured and fitted and it will change your way there you go life lessons from me people go get your bras fit properly there you go anyway back to the book and let me get some more vapid stereotypical rubbish with a healthy dose of insecurity and soon to be incredibly outdated colloquial language listen to this for me on morning number two as a Miami hi outcast being a girl means time to wake up three hours early to get my look on fleek in case you don't speak my language on fleek means on point and on point means like fabulous so anyway I set my alarm for 5:00 in the morning brutal and I managed to hit snooze a couple of hundred times and end up sleeping until about 7:30 which means I only have 30 minutes to get on fleek I think I'd get to school oh my god if you know anything about being on fleek you know that 30 minutes will not do the trick all the fleek huh words escape me just oh my god and then oh then we get probably one of the most boring shallow paragraphs of the early parts of this book about her hair and bear in mind this is less than a page after she'd been going on about how she loves her thick long blonde hair you know and now she's like oh it's awful I hates it I suppose shave it all off again literally no consistency no no oh god my hair my hair is long long long long if it were any longer I would be Rapunzel I swear and sure long blonde hair sounds nice it might even sound enviable but I am Telling You it is the hair from hell I hate is like boast veiled as a complain it mmm this kind of stuff rubs me the wrong way anyway no matter what I do I wake up with it in complete disarray knots and tangles and kinks and frizz it's a daily battle a struggle of good versus evil me in the bathroom using a comb to wrestle my hair like a dragon - Dragon's rustle I don't know as soon as I get my thousands of hair strands untangled and smooth out a bunch of them start popping up again refusing to stay in place rejecting the status quo of hair rebelling against that repressor going against the grain like a bunch of whiny hippie a little bit offensive maybe sometimes I think I should just shave it all off oh well I have to read in this I wish you would then lately goes downstairs and his route to her parents again and gets to school and she's introduced to another new kid and we learn Leigh Leigh has very low standards for what she finds attractive in a man Leigh Leigh is also new mister contrary yeah contrary we'll go with up Lily is also new mr. Contreras aids and my ears get instantly hot you can sit next to her Lily raise your hands please for mystic a cute / I'm guessing that's pronounced I raise my hand sir stand I look like an outright boon and gorgeous alexei finds me straightaway he must be super smart because identified the one person sticking their hand way up in the air in a room full of like what 30 students makes you super smart this guy is basically Einstein that he can see a hands in a sea of non hands and then this is where things really start to get bad because we get the first example of Lele using her cringy clumsy equals funny style of comedy and this is repeated so much throughout the book it's a trend in Miley's videos and it's a trend in the book and it doesn't work it's not funny it's not creative it's just really awkward and cringy to read it's oh my god and the fact that she uses it so much and relies on it like a crutch it's really bad like I say it's bad in videos it's even more awkward and just not playing funny in in writing leaving class I trip over his backpack and crashed straight into him bumping my lip on his shoulder he tshirt gets caught in my braces and untangle it becomes this whole thing so much for that romantic flirty moment he's nice about it helps me at my feet and all but not soon enough prevent everyone from noticing I genuinely did not think this book could be this bad but here we are then some girls wrote a really Taming salt on her locker and I get that that can be upsetting I'm not trying to minimize that at all and but this new guy that's Alexi that she has a crush on and who you know up to this point she's spoken literally two sentences to before this point comes over to talk to her she basically insults him he sucks it up because unlike her he's a decent human being and then he goes on to talk about how she's totally not like the other girls because you know those two sentences she said before and falling in to him he knows everything about her now you know they have this deep connection because this is teen literature I don't get it you on you too why aren't you getting picked on maybe because it's not a douche whatever I'm normal I fit in gets it insecure and they wash out it whoever is the most different he shrugs it's not fair are you saying you'd prefer that I get picked on no I just don't know what it is about me I guess I never thought of myself as hot different and I guess I prefer not to go through it alone you're not different you're just a free spirit you don't care as much about what people think and that makes them nervous and you're not going through it alone I'm here I got your back and at this point in the book I took a short break to vomit so if you'd like to go do that now feel free she gets really awkward with him and then he responds with I'm just messing with you weirdo let's go yeah he smiled weirdo he already has a pet name for me heart eyes emoji heart eyes emoji yeah she literally wrote those words heart eyes emoji twice please feel free to pause the video and go vomit again I'm sure at this point it will just be dry heaving but please get it all out remember heart eyes emoji heart eyes emoji instead of describing their walk home from school Lele just tells us about it straight out we have the best conversation on the way home yeah because we don't need to hear it we just need to know there's the best conversation writing that conversation out making that up that would be too difficult we have the best conversation on the way home him with his sexy foreign accent and me with my garbled Venezuelan undertones we talk about really deep stuff like last week's episode of So You Think You Can Dance and the red wedding on cable throat he's so obviously he so obviously gets me he asks about my hopes and dreams and I tell him all about how I want to be fit a famous actress but the idea of auditioning in front of the producers give some panic attack I asked him about his hopes and dreams and he tells me about how he wants to be a model or a professional surfer and maybe an actor too but if that's some workout then maybe a doctor can tell this is meant to be sarcasm and satire or if it's serious please let this be satire please but I don't know if Lele pons is smart enough to do oh my god it gets even cringy right I am on the walk home the guy casually mentions oh it's hot today and then he just whips off his shirt in the street like that's a normal thing people do he just goes in peace against a tree in the street this is just one long cringy YouTube skit in normal format and it's so so bad oh my god yeah okay with this at this point and we are at the end of chapter 2 and that is what we're gonna end this video because like I say there is so much bad stuff in this book we're like 40 pages in and it's already this terrible and nothing has happened really if you would like me to review the rest of this book in another video or maybe two I don't know I'll try and make that a little bit less in-depth though more if you want it I don't know let me know what you want down in the comments below and if you'd like a part two you don't get leave a like on this video so I can see that and know that I can get some feedback if you're new here please subscribe that would be amazing I also have patreon a merch store go follow me on Instagram if you like if you want I don't know thank you for watching today I appreciate you guys so much and I will hopefully see you again very very soon

Channel: Rachel Oates

Views: 204,625

Rating: 4.9466057 out of 5

Keywords: rachel oates, lele pons, lele pons isn't funny, lele pons book, lele pons book review, book review, #surviving highschool, surviving highschool lele pons, lele pons wrote a terrible book, the worst of lele pons, hannah stocking, amanda cerny, vete pa la lele pons, vines lele pons, surviving high school, whats wrong with lele pons?

Id: Q48t_Q7jzLo

Length: 35min 11sec (2111 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 23 2020