Girl Defined's Book is Against Freedom, Feminism and Bikinis

it's been nearly five years since it was first published but i am finally finally getting around to reading girl defines first book also titled girl defined god's radical design for beauty femininity and identity this was written back before one of them was married and pregnant when they were first getting a lot of recognition for their ridiculous videos so it's not necessarily like up to date on their lives but they're still teaching the same things now so it's still relevant for us to look at and talk about and analyze and critique and so on if you are unfamiliar with girl defined they are two sisters kristen and bethany i always get them mixed up which one's which so i'll try and put pictures on screen so you know which one i'm talking about and who they well they started making videos on biblical womanhood and how god has designed this one way for women to be god created men and women to be equally valuable but purposely different and the reason that we're not feminists and what we're about to share with you is because feminism at its core feminism has tried to define womanhood on its own terms it's not just about women's equality with men it's about redefining womanhood altogether according to man's and women's terms rather than how god defines our woman and i first found them probably back in like 2017-ish back when jacqueline glenn made a video on them and and she reviewed one of her videos which featured basically like a bunch of men just talking to the camera telling women how to dress and act and how to be attractive to these particular men it was it was very very bizarre so to me a godly girl is a girl who loves the lord with all her heart and wants to serve him i really admire a girl who is content with where god has her in life and after i saw that video i looked into them a lot more and i watched a few more of their videos and then i found their blog and i found an absolute ton of really like disgustingly homophobic content on their blog which they quickly deleted after it gathered a bit of attention it all started back in 2014 with a blog post titled the gay pride movement and their sneaky agenda which is an interesting title to say the least by adopting the friendly term gay we naturally downplay and minimize the depravity of that lifestyle it makes light of something that should never be taken lightly falling on from this they then made even more offensive videos including one where they called a victim of sexual assault broken i've done things with my boyfriends in the past with and without consent we are all sexually broken we're all in pure we all struggle with lust we all sin and need to repent of that symbol of god in different ways it's just in different ways and and they've been putting out content ever since luckily i think their growth seems to have like stagnated a little bit at the minute which is all right let's talk about the book for now girl defines first book was published back in 2016. we are gonna be reading this in the next couple of videos before we take a look at the book if you are new here it would be great if you wanted to subscribe because i make book reviews poetry critiques science and history content and i talk about lots of social issues like feminism and pro-lgbt stuff and all kinds of fun stuff like that plus there are a few giggles along the way and my dog cairo who's currently making her bed next to me so thanks cooper you can also find me posting quite a lot over on instagram my username is rachel oates with a zero instead of an o and i stream on twitch fairly regularly as well so follow me in those places it's funsies anyway let's jump into part one of the book which we are going to be reading and reviewing today which is called femininity gone wrong chapter one is titled bullied by the big bad checklist and the book opens with two kind of side-by-side stories of the sisters interviewing with different modeling agencies and it's a weird slightly pointless story it doesn't really feel like it serves much purpose but i don't know maybe it's going to come back later in the book and we're going to get like an end to this story or something and it's going to be empowering i don't know it just feels like in the opening of the book it doesn't serve much purpose other than to say look we could have been models we're just that beautiful and wonderful and you should look up to us but we chose not to be because we're better than the [ __ ] that do that so to have a look at some little excerpts from bethany's section they include i glanced around the office my eyes were instantly drawn to the image covered wall behind jeff hundreds of pictures of female models plastered the wall from top to bottom i scanned the photos and began noticing an unsettling theme every model wore an outfit a few square inches shy of nudity actually outfit would be a generous term for what these girls were wearing and then later i was nervous about how this interview was going to turn out jeff kind of creeped me out no he really creeped me out the last thing i wanted was my picture become to become a new addition to his wallpaper what type of modeling are you most interested in doing the opening question asked my heart picked up the pace as i scanned the options swimsuit modeling lingerie modeling promo modeling or other um is there an option e with my hands becoming sticky um i gripped the pen and went on to the next question so like i say kind of like very judgmental and as i was saying on twitch through the other night i get that everyone's a bit judgmental sometimes like i'm guilty of it i'm sure everyone watching is guilty of it it's kind of part of being human and obviously we should try our best not to be but it's kind of inevitable that everyone slips up sometimes right it's it's part of being human that is okay however with girl defined it feels like this entire book is just judgment after judgment about women who aren't them it feels like the entire premise of this book is to say look these other women are dirty [ __ ] and we don't want to be like them so you shouldn't want to be like them so you should be like us let us show you how to be like us it's all very much we're not like the other girls we're better than them and it gets old very quickly and this isn't just like a slip up in being judgmental this is like calculated judginess you know calculated and monetized judging us it's yeah now back to the actual points about like modeling and stuff so i don't know anything about modeling obviously look at me but i do know that there are plenty of issues in the industry as a whole especially with like preying on young girls and teenagers and kind of using them and sexualizing them too young and there are lots of issues like that but i also know that there are like legitimate kind of like modeling agencies and stuff and it's not all i assume not all like seedy and scummy and it just seems to me that bethenny and kristen have this all around hatred towards the modeling industry as a whole and therefore like all mainstream media as a whole and therefore like all non-christian people as a whole because they had some interactions with some really sleazy sounding individuals and they just assumed that everyone who isn't christian and like them is like this and it's like generalizing to the extreme in this last story it seems like bethany specifically went to an agency that specializes in like promo events and swimsuit modeling and that kind of thing and then she got shocked when she was asked if she'd do that and it feels like it's kind of more on her for going to that kind of agency than just all agencies being like that i don't i don't know and then in this next story again it sounds like kristen and her mother were approached by some actual predators posing as agents when she was like 12 or something and so she's like oh look all the people who were in modelling are creepy because this one predator approached me or something i i don't know it's basically this story doesn't sound like legit modeling to me it sounds like some kind of weird child abuse farm and so for her to say like all mainstream media is like this because i got approached by this one predator just feels a bit odd i don't know let me read you the story you can tell me your thoughts kristen is 12 in the story and gets approached by a scout on the street because she's tall your long legs and blonde hair would make you great model material she said excitedly she introduced herself and explained that she and her husband worked specifically with young models ages 10 to 16 preparing them for a career in the industry they owned a large house in dallas and many of their young modeling recruits lived with them she told us that her models worked for the biggest agencies in dallas and were on their way to becoming top models she asked if my mum would be interested in coming to her house to look into the opportunity she even offered a bedroom for me and said i could live at their house if i was interested i could tell my mum was slightly shocked and flattered by her offer who would be flattered by it's creepy in the end my mum kindly declined explaining that a modelling career wasn't what she or my dad had in mind for this for my future this is creepy as hell right this cannot be normal like this is a predator right i'm not just misreading this this is not normal or if it is normal in america then please stop like immediately it's creepy and wrong and then they're going to complain as they got older their values became quite shallow and superficial and instead of taking personal responsibility for that they blame everyone else they use this see look society bad excuse looking back on our childhood always makes me a crystal laugh you probably laugh at yours too we thought we were totally cool and hip when it came to our fashion choices although we were young and fashion illiterate something was changing in us our desire to be beautiful and valued by the people around us began to form we began to notice the beautiful faces on billboards the sensual women on magazine covers the perfect hair on shampoo commercials the bone thin models on mole posters we noticed these things and we liked them these images appealed to our inner desire to be beautiful to be feminine to be women the prevailing secular culture entices with its version of femininity its perception of romance its idea of family its explanation of success little by little the subtle undertale of our culture's ideology shaped our views of womanhood they've gone to say that the only hope we have as women is to stop defining ourselves according to other people's standards and start defining it according to god's word in order to become all god created you to be you have to gain a vision for what true god-defined femininity is all about throughout the pages of this book you will discover why god created the female gender what your purpose is as a woman how to obtain lasting worth what true beauty looks like how to apply femininity to your romantic relationship what god's idea of a working woman looks like and how to leave behind a lasting legacy that doesn't fade with time god is looking for women like you to courageously go against the grain of modern culture he needs women who are brave women who will set a new trend think outside the box and raise the bar for femininity so basically we'll teach you how to be like us because it's the only acceptable way to be that's the gist of this entire opening chapter and this entire book to be honest i honestly don't know how many times i'll have to say that there's no one right way to be a woman or to be feminine or to just be a person to be yourself to be whatever like it's not a one-size-fits-all situation and it never will be different ways of being and expressing yourself and acting will work for different people because different people have different needs and wants and values i think we can generally say that most people want to be like happy and fulfilled in life and that's a kind of goal for everyone but what will make everyone happy and fulfilled is very very different and therefore the steps that people take to get to that stage of happiness and fulfillment will be very very different i don't understand why this is so difficult for someone like kristen or bethany to understand they just seem to think that well we have this idea of what happiness and fulfillment looks like therefore everyone else should conform to this as well because honestly advising you like we can all but it doesn't work that way i was actually thinking the other night of like an analogy that might like work to explain this to someone like kristen or bethany and i came up with one that is hair care they might actually understand this since they care about how they look so much right so i'd imagine that everyone in the world wants to feel good about their hair right to just feel good about it being there and not hate it there might be some exceptions that's fine but on the whole i think most people just want to feel good about it and and if they don't that's okay it's not your hair let them do what they want with theirs that's fine however what will make some people feel happy with their hair isn't what's going to make other people feel happy with their hair some people want short hair some people want long hair some people want brightly colored hair some people want natural hair some people want hair with lots of styling some people want hair that's just easy to deal with that they can just like forget about day to day for some people being happy with their hair will just mean it being clean for some people it will mean it looking good for some people it will mean it being easy to manage for others it'll mean that you know it looks like they put a lot of time and effort and care into their hair what will make people happy with their own hair will be different for everyone and generally once a person achieves what they want to with their hair they'll be happy with their hair right but not every hairstyle will make every person happy a hairstyle that looks great on one person might look awful on another once we've established that everyone has different hair goals and different things that they want to achieve with their hair and different things that will make them happy with their hair we have to realize that in order to achieve your personal hair goals you need to do different things to your hair you need to style it in a different way you need to cut it in a different way you need to use different products you need different shampoo for example a shampoo that works great for one person might be awful for another so a shampoo that is great for that person over there might dry out my hair the shampoo that i use might give that person over there a dry itchy scalp while i might prioritize shampoos and hair care product that work with hydration and keeping my hair like nourished like that other people might want to focus on um maintaining color and dye for longer other people might want to concentrate on a shampoo or products that enhance their natural hair texture all these different things because we all want different outcomes for our hair we all need to use different products and different steps to get there to achieve the outcome we all use different tools to achieve the ultimate goal of just being happy with our hair and then you also have to take into account people's circumstances as well not everyone is lucky enough to be able to afford the best shampoo for them not everyone has the time to put into styling their hair the way they aren't dreaming about not everyone has to skill to pull off certain techniques not everyone's natural hair texture can support a certain hairstyle that they might want these are all things we have to think about and compromise on in the real world and it's the same when it comes to kind of like real life stuff and our real goals ultimately everyone might want to just be like happy with life but this image of what makes us happy with life might be different for everyone else and the steps that we take to get there might be different for different people and even if you had this ideal plan in your mind of okay well these things would make me happy and i get here by doing this and this and this not everyone has the ability to do those things so you kind of have to compromise a little bit because maybe they don't have the education they don't have the money they don't have they're not in the right circumstances there's any number of things just like hair care isn't one size fits all it's the same with most aspects of our life and that includes being happy and fulfilled being a woman being a person being you being human living isn't one size fits all and the sooner people like girl defined realize that the better all that said surprisingly there are a few small positive sections of this book for example they have these like little exercise pages in which they give the reader like questions to think about a little things to fill in and some of them actually get the readers to really start thinking introspectively and consider different aspects of their life and there are some really good questions in here for example these vids are like what are your biggest insecurities right now what do you think will bring you lasting worth and satisfaction points like these are really important for people to think about and they're actually quite good parts of the book i think it's great it's just a bit annoying because for example with this last question of what do you think will bring you lasting worth and satisfaction that would be a great thing to ask questio to ask people if your next step is okay great so let's figure out how you achieve that but in this case girl defines next steps so to say actually are you sure about that because we know better let's change your mind and that's what's frustrating they're taking something good and they're ruining it moving on to chapter two it is called blonde bombshells don't have what it takes and in this chapter they open it by talking about marilyn monroe and they mentioned how she had issues with her parents they mentioned there's a family history of mental health problems they mentioned that she was reported to have been sexually assaulted at a young age they mentioned that she struggled with addiction and a whole host of other problems and then they talk about her tragic death they mentioned that her life was difficult but instead of using her story as an opportunity to talk about you know things that we as a society could do better like providing better social care for kids providing better support for people with mental health issues instead of talking about how you know society as a whole puts so much pressure on people especially like celebrities and you know all these important topics instead of that they just do a bit of victim blaming instead of saying this is how society failed her this is how we can do better in the future they say where did marilyn's life take its first wrong turn it most likely happened when many of us take our first wrong turn it started the moment she allowed the culture to define her womanhood the moment culture's ideas filled her checklist the moment god's design for femininity was dismissed from her vocabulary so basically it's all because she did something wrong not that she was in these horrific circumstances it's all her fault clearly she wasn't christian enough she wasn't good enough she wasn't pure enough and this is her fault because she decided not to be so her tragic life all her fault apparently it's gross i appreciate that they're trying to talk about the pressures that society as a whole puts on women and why that's damaging that's a really really important topic to talk about and cover and it's important that women feel empowered enough and strong enough to say i can change my life i can take control of this i can change what's happening to me that that's also important but to put the blame on a person for anything bad that happens to them because they allowed it to happen or they didn't pray hard enough or they didn't wha whatever like putting the blame entirely on the victim isn't okay if she was sexually assaulted at a young age that's not her fault she didn't just need to like oh pray a little bit harder and that trauma's just gonna go away but that's that's not how it works also i think i read a thing on reddit the other day about how um people have read like i think it was extracts from her diary and all this stuff like this and there's a lot of evidence to suggest she may have actually been an asexual lesbian so basically she probably felt incredibly out of place being treated like a sex object by so many men and in her career and all this kind of thing so yeah i can also understand why she struggled there as well and it's not because a woman being a sexual being is inherently bad it's because it was bad for her because she she wasn't in control of her sexuality she was treated as an object she wasn't allowed to express her sexuality with the people she wanted to she was forced to perform for men like a toy she was forced to be sexual when she maybe felt more asexual this is where the issues are it's not that being sexual is inherently bad like girl defined are trying to say it's that they forced the wrong person to do it and it was forced and all these other things do you know what i'm trying to say basically they're taking a tragedy and using it to push their own twisted agenda and completely kind of missing the point and the actual lessons and takeaways that we could take from this and grow and learn and improve with just does that make sense anyway then they finally stopped talking about her and they move on to talk about their own childhood and how they were homeschooled homeschooled and they had this big group of friends from church and then they start complaining about how as high school came to a close our roads began to park one by one our friends dropped off the radar and we don't mean to say the staying in touch radar we're talking about the christian radar we watched some of our godliest friends turn into complete atheists we saw other friends reject purity and dive head first into sexual relationships some got married and then quickly divorced a couple of single friends got pregnant out of wedlock we also witnessed quiet friends turn into raunchy party animals as the years went on many of our friends continued dropping off the christian radar they no longer embraced biblical femininity we'll dive into what that looks like later instead they slowly transformed into culture defined girls sadly the passion for god they had in high school became extinct from their lives they no lo no longer talked acted or looked like christian girls their lives didn't reflect the joy peace or the purity and holiness of god from that large group of thirty we can count on one hand the girls who are still walking with god the girls who still care about biblical values the girls who still use the bible as their standard for truth this shocking epidemic deeply concerns us what happened to our friends what went wrong funny how this shocking epidemic concerns you but not the actual shocking epidemic that's going on because you're still hosting conferences which could get people killed funny that isn't it maybe sort your priorities out there yeah one by one many of our friends bought into the alluring lies they wanted something new something more little by little they stopped looking to god for their identity they stopped asking him what he thought they stopped believing his truths it started the first time they looked to something other than god for their happiness awful terrible bad bad bad bad bad people i've got to say though like for all they talk about like they're friends like this and we will touch on this a little more in a second as we jump into chapter three for all they say stuff like you know some friends got married and then divorced some had sexual relationships some got pregnant and some turned into raunchy party animals i don't actually see anything bad here like there's nothing inherently wrong with any of this there's nothing to say these women are unhappy there's nothing to say they're doing anything to damage their health there's nothing worrying about this it's not like they all just suddenly turn into meth addicts it's not like they all just got a bunch of stds it's not like a bunch of them were all sexually assaulted or turned into um murderers or rapists or whatever like they just sound like normal women who are figuring out what makes them as individuals happy there's nothing to say they're unhappy or unfulfilled they're just living a different life to you there's nothing shocking or bad here i don't get it and we see this more in chapter three which is called counterfeit femininity you've done me wrong and in this we hear about the story of katie jones who was basically like this this popular girl that they knew from like when they were teenagers or something they said um so they it's a very specific example and i hope they haven't used this woman's real name because if so horrible so they say that they were jealous of her growing up and now she has a very different lifestyle to them and they speak about her with such disdain and disgust and kind of pity her which is weird as well and then it's like they're trying to make an example of her and it's all very weird because i don't see any evidence like those other girls we just mentioned that her life is bad or that she's miserable or unhappy so let me read you an abridged version of katie's story and see if you can find anything wrong with her because i can't fast forward 10 years to now katie's still very independent she appears confident she's still on top of all the fashion trends to the public eye she looks put together but behind the scenes she's falling apart katie married her high school sweetheart in the midst of pursuing her college degree less than one year into her marriage katie regretted her decision settling into married life with her husband attempting to lead her wasn't quite what she'd expected as the second year of marriage rolled around katie shocked us all she left her husband and demanded a divorce shortly after her divorce katie entered the party scene she quickly found new man who was enamored by her independent spirit and sexy outfits the last time i saw katie jones she was eight months pregnant working as a full-time waitress partying on the weekends and living with the boyfriend who got her pregnant she was the girl who appeared to have it all she was the woman and now her life is filled with dysfunction and heartache where where is this dysfunction and heartache where is this awful life she left a man who wasn't making her happy who she clearly rushed into a marriage with she found a man who she is happy with who you've said it yourself is enamored by her clearly probably loves her she moved in with him she's starting a family with him she has a full-time job she sounds pretty damn content to me where is this dysfunction and heartache they claim she only appears confident on the outside but it sounds to me like maybe she actually is because i see no evidence to the country i can't help but think that kristen and bethany are just seeing what they want to see here this is the absolute perfect example of well i wouldn't be happy in that situation so clearly she mustn't be either you know it's a blatant misunderstanding of the fact that different things make different people happy i don't know how they can't see this by now they're old enough they they're like what early 30s now they should know well actually no they were probably like my age when they wrote this but they should know this and they should have known this when they wrote this i mean like i know i would not be happy if i had the lives that kristen and bethany had like the whole like marriage and kids and preaching and going to church thing would make me miserable i know this but i can look at their lives and say that's not for me but still understand that it makes them happy and makes them fulfilled and i'd never like tell them they shouldn't be doing that because it works for them you know and then they turn this katy story into a thing about how you know modern womanhood as they call it is this like terrible thing and they say uh the last time bethany and i went to the grocery store i noticed something every magazine cover was filled with images of beautiful confident fashionable and sexy women who reminded me of katie jones again these all seem like great traits and good things so where's the problem why is this a bad thing i mean we could say a hell of a lot about like magazine covers and stuff and how damaging they can be and you know that the perils of too much photoshop and all this kind of thing and unrealistic expectations i get that but i think the least of our worries is magazine cover showing confident women what do you want timid women who are like i'm only here because my husband told me i could is that who our role model should be they're going to say modern femininity according to celebrity idols is about looking sexy exuding confidence and remaining independent of men if we follow in their footsteps we'll find the happiness and fulfillment we desire right after looking over such magazines it becomes clear that every woman is after the same thing we all want happiness we all want fulfillment we all want security we all want to feel loved the problem is getting there how do we as women obtain these things i think this is more of a human thing than a woman thing i mean doesn't everyone want to feel secure and fulfilled and to love and be loved i think i think that's just a person thing you know but like they're saying you know like how do we get those things we have to remember like the shampoo analogy it's not just one size fits all you can't just hand out the same shampoo to every person and expect them to find happiness and fulfillment each person needs a different shampoo to get there and so with this in mind we get to the backbone of the book which is why they say katie jones adopted what the two of us called the three pillars of counterfeit femininity these three pillars are the core of our culture's version of femininity and so basically these are three things that girl defined are trying to combat in this book they're the three values that they think too many women care about today and they and we all need to stop and so we're very quickly going to look at what these are pillar one in their mind is liberation and they write liberation has one underlying theme to throw off the old-fashioned idea that men and women have differing roles and unique purposes liberation is about women being free because yes we all know that freedom is bad because how can a man control a free woman weren't things better in the good old days when women were just property to be bought and sold like cattle moo free from what primarily free from roles in marriage free from the differences between men and women free from the bible's teachings on gender free from anything that distinguishes what it means to be male and what it means to be female sounds pretty great to me one dictionary defines the word liberation as the removal of traditional social sec or sexual rules and attitudes etc which is funny because the dictionary i read gave the definition for liberation as the action of setting someone free from imprisonment slavery or oppression but i guess they didn't want to go down the pro-slavery route too early in the book i'll leave that for the later chapters you know instead they write um using their definition of liberation we translate that to mean out with the old in with the new this is the 21st century women shouldn't be tied down traditional rules which yeah i agree with they actually i know they're being sarcastic but they actually shouldn't um and notice the key word there is shouldn't or tied down it's not saying women can't have traditional values it's not saying women can't live by traditional values it's saying women shouldn't have to if they don't want to women shouldn't be tied into it women shouldn't be forced into it women can if they want and i'm sure some women will if they want but they shouldn't have to that's the difference and that's what girl defined ignore on purpose i think they gonna say liberation pushes the idea that to be equal with men women need to have the same purpose as men that's not true at all we need to accomplish the same things not true at all we need to pursue the same lifestyle only then when the gender lines are merged will we be truly satisfied again no they're completely misunderstanding feminism liberation is about equality of opportunity not a quality of outcome we're not saying every person has to do the same thing and achieve the same things and want the same things we're saying every person should be allowed to have the opportunity to do what they want if it makes them happy for example a woman can apply for the same jobs as men a woman can have the same economic freedom as a man a woman can have the same sexual freedom as a man without being judged and slut-shamed a woman can do anything a man can if she wants to and a man can do anything a woman can if he wants to it's about allowing people opportunities freedom of opportunity not forcing people into the same outcome that's the difference bethany tells a really bizarre story to exemplify this whole anti-liberation thing and it's just very odd again let me give you an abridged version so my friend brandon and i were hanging out and i got on the topic of my current ministry projects and goals i was very into my ministry projects they were my pride and joy i had convinced myself that my ministry accomplishments were the source of my purpose and fulfillment as a woman i looked around at married women and thought i can't imagine being just a wife and mother i can't imagine not having something else not accomplishing something bigger something better i didn't say that out loud but i thought it in my head i felt it in my heart now imagine what happened when brandon asked me do you think you could be happy as a wife and mother would you be willing to give up some of your ministry projects in the future if you needed to wow not a cool question i spun around in my swivel chair looked him in the eyes and in my feisty's toe and said i really can't imagine my life without my ministry and book projects i hope that whoever i marry will be supportive of my unique gifts and talents and if that was the whole story i'd be like yes you go girl you you know you you're going after what makes you happy in life you're feeling fulfilled you've got this you're not ruling out the wife and mother thing but you're saying you want more you know what you want you're standing up to this man great story love it but it doesn't end there this is where she ruins it she says brandon's questions cause me to do some serious thinking i waded through the questions like why am i so defensive of my accomplishments why do i feel the need to prove myself to those around me why do i feel being a wife and mother isn't good enough why do i feel so restless and discontent after several weeks of soul-searching i realized the truth my ministry wasn't the problem brandon wasn't the problem my job wasn't the problem my goals weren't the problem it was my heart somewhere along the way i had come to accept aspects of the first pillar of counterfeit femininity liberation i wanted to be praised as a result i pursued opportunities that would get me the applause i was craving the crazy thing was that the praise didn't make me happy in fact i was quite frustrated i was on edge i was ready to prove my worth to those around me i acted high and mighty towards men i was an unhappy mess packaged in spiritual wrapping paper the conversation i had with brandon caused me to do some serious soul-searching it made me humble myself and evaluate my heart it was then i realized i wasn't shooting at the right target i was embracing aspects of liberation i just don't even know what to say to this or to think of it it's just very bizarre the levels of dysfunction here i just let me know your thoughts on that moving on to pillar two and it's quite similar apparently this is independence so women shouldn't be independent is what they're saying they say whether you're currently married or single our culture is pressuring you to to attain an unhealthy level of independence you're encouraged to separate yourself from your parents from your family from your husband and from your children you're encouraged to pursue what you want when you want it shove everyone aside because you come first who is saying this who and once again it's these weird false equivalencies independence is not synonymous with selfishness and it's wrong to imply that it is again it's about having a choice it's saying you can be independent if you want you don't have to rely on a man or your family you don't have to be passed around like a piece of property you don't have to be sold off in marriage anymore if you don't want but equally if you do want a partner and you do want to be a team or you do want to like sit close with your family and all that stuff you can do that too that's still allowed no one's stopping you it's just offering up opportunities if people want them and you can be independent in some aspects of your life and not others it's not a you know um all or nothing situation you can pick and choose where you want to be independent and where you need some help like this is okay it's a very bizarre thing to be mad about women having independence it's very odd and this time it's kristin who gives us a story um explaining why independent independence is wrong but it's a very very bizarre example because it's not independent she's displaying in this story it's quite the opposite opposite and it's also immaturity and being financially irresponsible maybe if she had a little more independence before getting married she wouldn't have had these issues that she has in this story let me read you again an abridged version and tell me what you think growing up i was the epitome of the word competitive as i grew into a woman my competitive attitude started to morph into something different something more distinct something that became very apparent as i began my relationship with jack who is now my husband it was an attitude of independence an attitude of i've got this i don't need you early in my marriage my independent spirit reared its ugly head on a regular basis i remember one specific time when zach and i had been married for only six months we were living in an adorable one-bedroom apartment sharing the same car and following the same budget zach and i both agreed that he would be in charge of managing our family budget i can't stand managing budgets he came up with a plan and showed it to me i was pleasantly surprised when he allotted me a generous amount of spending money and gladly accepted well several weeks later he realized that our budget was out of balance and we would both need to cut back on our spending wait i can only spend how much i asked in a defiant tone look babe i'm really sorry i would give you all the money in the world if i could he replied we just don't have it in our budget right now i gave him a cold stare well how am i supposed to buy what i need i don't want to be so restricted and tied down i said holding one hand in the air the whole idea of sharing everything didn't seem so romantic anymore i wanted the freedom to do what i wanted when i wanted in that moment being independent seemed a lot more appealing to me i had no idea how independent my spirit was until i put it to the test this is an independence this is being a petulant child who's irresponsible with money i just have no words i don't understand and the one final thing that kristen and bethany hate women having is pillar 3 sexual freedom there i even you can tell i'm getting kind of fed up of this now can't you this book is exhausting sorry even as christian girls growing up in a christian family with awesome christian parents the pressure to be sexually loose was intense we wanted to be liked and accepted we wanted to be beautiful we imitated the famous women in the spotlight in hopes of finding the security and value we longed for and then they complained about how society's idea of sexual freedom was being shoved in our faces because their friends wore bikinis and they didn't want to as teens we were pressured by the media to live up to a sexualized sexualized version of womanhood as young women we were pressured to use our freedom and flaunt our bodies don't let them go to waste was a strangest advice we live in a sex saturated culture it's impossible to completely avoid it we are bombarded with misguided messages of sexual freedom while performing some of the most basic activities in life like going to a grocery or clothing store and i absolutely agree that often society especially western society sexualizes girls far too young and that is creepy absolutely it's not okay that is something to talk about and discuss and try and change and combat that's fine but at the same time it's not okay to go to the opposite extreme and make women feel ashamed of their sexuality and make them try and suppress it to kind of ignore it and pretend it's not there and isn't gonna grow and be a part of them the whole point of sexual freedom is the freedom part it's about having a choice you know it's it's saying that when you're an adult be with as many people as you want be with whatever kind of people you want you know do whatever makes you happy and by this buy you know as many as you want and whoever this can absolutely mean none and no one if you want that is okay that's where the freedom and the choice part comes in because it's not saying be with as many as you want and therefore it has to be a hundred men it's saying be with as many as you want and that means whether it's zero or one or ten or a hundred it's your business as long as you're safe and it's consensual and you're not hurting anyone it's all good we need to remove the stigma around the act of sex itself and instead focus on talking about the important issues like consent and like educating people about safe sex and all that kind of stuff rather than shaming them for being sexual beings they complain about what women are taught today saying that women are taught that um real women aren't ashamed of their bodies real women are confident in showing it all real women value their sexual freedom and i know they're being sarcastic here but can we just please forget about this idea of real women and what makes a real woman because they talk about it so much in this book and like real women real femininity you know can we can we just forget that and stop that and you know the happiest women find confidence by dressing how they want and for themselves not for anyone else they find happiness by being comfortable presenting how they want they find happiness for choosing if and when they want to show off or cover up or whatever the happiest women find it by understanding their own sexuality and their own limits limits and not being defined by anyone else's standards that's what makes a happy woman not by being a real woman or real femininity or all that rubbish stuff you know kristen and bethany have the right idea to some extent by saying you know don't conform to society's standards if you're not into it but then they lose me by following that up by saying you know because it will be wrong for you because society's standards are wrong for everyone and you must replace it with this whole of this specific set of someone else's beliefs that's where they lose me they're going to write that the third pill at sexual freedom pushes women towards one thing proving their worth with their bodies counterfeit feminine femininity says that real women are sexy hot free edgy and wild if sexual freedom is so beneficial then why isn't it proving itself that way why are women still struggling with feelings of worthlessness because sexuality isn't the only thing that provides us with feelings of worth life and happiness and fulfillment is so much more complicated than that a woman can feel fulfilled in one aspect of her life and not others it's a person can i don't know why i'm saying woman here this applies to everyone absolutely everyone and maybe maybe people aren't feeling worthless because they have sexual freedom but they're feeling worthless because people like you are slut-shaming them because of it maybe they feel bad because of your actions not because of their own thought about that finally they conclude by saying personally neither of us have liked the results that counterfeit femininity produced in our lives it never satisfied us or delivered what it had promised women all across the world are experiencing the same thing they built their lives on the foundation of counterfeit femininity and are unhappy with the results key word there is personally this is fine for you as in kristen and bethany you've figured out what makes you too happy and what makes you too fulfilled and what you two want that's what's right for you but it's not right for everyone you can say that you choose to not be liberated and free and independent but honestly you can choose that because you are liberated and free and independent you actually have the choice even if you don't realize it and you have feminism to thank for that the fact that you can even write this book is thanks to feminism it's because you are free and liberated and independent and you are damn lucky i have personally been in an abusive relationship where i have my independence and freedom and confidence and a whole host of other things that we apparently don't need taken away from me and i was miserable it definitely it was hard but it's made me appreciate those aspects of my life a whole lot more and i've learned that i do need my independence i do need my liberation i do need my sexual freedom and all that other stuff to be happy and it's when those things are taken away that i start to struggle because that's what works for me that's what's right for me and i've got to do what's right for me and kristen and best and you've got to do what's right for them and they've got to understand that every woman every person has got to do what's right for them and figure it out for themselves there's not this one standard way of living and i know i'm going to keep repeating myself saying that but it's so important to hammer home it's just the most important thing so with that in mind and we've reached the end of part one of this book which is the first three chapters in the next video in this series we're going to be reading part two which is titled getting back to god's design so that sounds like it's going to be intense but until then uh please let me know your thoughts on this video this first part of the book on girl defined in general and don't forget to also go follow me on instagram and twitch and if you're new here please subscribe to my channel for more videos and also if you want it would be great if you want to just like and maybe share the video drop a comment all that engagement and good stuff really helps me and my channel growth has been a little bit kind of like slow lately so if you want to kind of like help give me a nice boost comments are great likings great sharing is great all that good stuff like i say i'm rambling now i'm not very good at this self-emotion thing thank you so much for watching today i appreciate you guys a hell of a lot and i will see you again in the next video so thanks a lot

Channel: Rachel Oates

Views: 78,511

Rating: 4.954556 out of 5

Keywords: rachel oates, commentary, book reviews, girl defined, girl defined cringe, girl defined feminism, girl defined book, girl defiend book review, jaclyn glenn, cody ko, mr atheist, jimmy snow, kristen clarke, bethany beal, marriage, relationship advice, god is grey

Id: EmmeMeGS3H8

Length: 44min 45sec (2685 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 12 2021