Lawyers, What's The Funniest Way You've Seen A Case Blown? (r/AskReddit | Reddit Stories)

legal professionals have read it what's the funniest way you've ever seen a lawyer or defendant blow a court case a short one the judge recused himself from a criminal case publicly stating that he knew the defendant and he was a son of a b tch and guilty as hell ROH I mean yeah the judge should definitely recuse himself but saying that second part is prejudicial as hell thankfully it's Harrison not admissible as evidence it would be hilarious and legal however for the prosecution to bring the former judge up as a character witness I had a case where a lawyer who apparently had expertise in areas other than litigation decided to litigate a case for one of his clients he asks to depose Mike guy no problem I meet with my guy and get him all prepared for testimony we sit down at the deposition he's sworn in and we're ready to go first question isn't would you please state your name or anything like that first question was something like isn't it the truth in this case that on the 6th of April 2004 you and then a conclusive statements about his whole time I objected my guy says no other lawyer shuffled his papers and after a lengthy pause asks the second question double quote you sure I represent school districts one of my clients has a farm that is used to teach agricultural science to the students the manager of the farm decides to brutally euthanize a ton of chickens in full view of a group of elementary school students sometimes farms after euthanized chickens that wasn't the problem the problem was that he was whacking the chickens over the head with a hammer and he had to whack each chicken like 5-6 times before they died because he is apparently some kind of psychopath the poor chickens were not dying that didn't deter him if one refused to die he'd just toss the chicken on the ground and try again with another one but the birds were all getting horrific ly damaged so they were flapping in circles on the ground all walking with terrible stuttering limbs or screaming one of the kids recorded it in Jesus Christ it was awful to watch so I recommended the school district fire him immediately because holy hell he sued for gender discrimination my brother was on a jury back in the days of MySpace a woman had been hit by a big rig during foggy weather she was suing for a back injury the last day of the trial they asked her if she has a myspace accountant brought up her site for the jury to see I think all the profiles were opened then there's a picture of her dancing on the hood of a car and right next to it is a text exchange of her saying that she shouldn't go out too much because her lawyer says that she has to look injured needless to say she lost that case a funny historical one here martial knee is on trial for treason after Napoleon gets overthrown for the second time his lawyer desperately tries to save the marshals life with an unusual take on things due to a broader change martial knees hometown was at the time of the trial in Prussia therefore argued a lawyer martial knee was not technically French and accordingly could not be guilty of treason marshal knee disagreed and shouted out to the court I am French and I will remain French he was subsequently found guilty and sentenced to death this also has a double whammy with baddest last words he asked for and was given permission to lead his own firing squad his last words to them were double quote soldiers when I give the command to fire fire straight at my heart wait for the order it will be my last to you I protest against my condemnation I have fought a hundred battles for France and not one against her soldiers fire talk about a way to die I once attended oral arguments for US Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit it's pretty much the big time I watched a lawyer arguing about his client received what's known as ineffective assistance of counsel at the trial from which she was appealing the attorney however was not doing a very good job during oral arguments so at one point one of the judges on the panel leans forward and asks him counselor are you currently providing ineffective assistance of counsel my father is an attorney and he always had a story for us when we asked him this question he tells it way better than I do but I'll give it a shot some dude was allegedly smashing a wall with a sledgehammer with others in order to break into a private property the cops rolled up and he's the only one to get caught fast forward a few months and this guy's in court apparently a cop says something about how double-quote the defendant was the only one court but there were two other men who fled on foot and couldn't be apprehended my father's clients face lights up in an aha moment and immediately tells the judge double-quote not true there were four of us I guess he thought if he could disprove someone at the set head be let go safe to say he was found guilty of vandalism my father says the judge just kind of sighed and told my father it would be a good idea to keep his client quiet defendant is apprehended for warrants and asks judge for bail tells judge he moved and was not served with the warrants some question as to his identity judge asks defendant where he was born death says puto Rocco defendant totally looks mestizo not Puerto Rican at all judge asks wherein puto Rico defendant says San Juan judge asks defendants double-quote when were you last in San Juan defendant says a couple of years ago judge asked defendant double-quote how did you get there defendant replies double quote I went on the Amtrak judge would not grant bail when you flunk geography it's for a long time lawyer was verbally running through the evidence against the guy no he was defending trying to claim there wasn't enough to even call a trial all totally fine except he said double quote I believe a more seasoned judge wouldn't have let this trial move forward not knowing whether judge he's speaking to gave the okay to move the trial to this Court he was immediately given a hard motion denied a defense lawyer was delivering her closing statements to the jury in her final sentence he said double quote ladies and gentlemen of the jury I urge you to find my client guilty there was a moment of silence and she then says not guilty I meant to say not guilty I'm an attorney and I heard about a hearing where there were several criminal defendants before the judge the judge noticed a strong pot smell in the courtroom and asked if any of the defendants had pot on them no one came forward and the judge proceeded but the odor became stronger and stronger finally the judge demanded the perpetrator to come forward finally one of the came forward and had several bags of weed on him I'm not sure what the charges were before him that day but I wouldn't want to have been his attorney who brings weed to a courtroom I work at a courthouse and while I haven't seen this specific thing I am often shocked by the kinds of things people think are appropriate for court like shirt fitting your kid and screaming at someone on your cell phone in a marble halfway house and recent incidents that comes mind sovereign citizens always make for a good time there was the guy getting a divorce from his wife of 25 years his entire argument for why he shouldn't pay alimony to his wife who stayed home taking care of their eight kids three of him was still at home is that since his wife would no longer do her marital duties it wasn't a marriage she wouldn't sleep with him because he was against trying to prevent more kids happening at all then referenced the Bible on top of it the judges face was priceless I don't know how true this story is but my dad said he took his Camaro out late its nights to speed and got an exhibition of speed ticket challenged it in court saying it wasn't couldn't be an exhibition of speed because he was alone there was no one to exhibit speed to got on something like this one was arrested for disturbing the peace in that jurisdiction at least one person had to be disturbed showed up to trial cops read their statements in full my lawyer asked if they had any evidence that anyone was disturbed they had forgotten to ask anyone so I got off after argument from the Assistant District Attorney the judge asked defense counsel why he should allow the defendant to remain on his own recognizance defense counsel looks up obviously searching for any reason he can because he knows his client is a dirtbag and this is what he comes up with double quote because his girlfriend lives in the apartment above mine and I'll hear her crying all night defendant remanded to jail I worked as a paralegal in a firm specializing in land use litigation and real estate another paralegals husband got a DWI and as a favor to her one of the partners offered to defend her husband in court this is a small town with a landmark windmill in the center of town well this paralegals husband's who we all called the missing link DWI stemmed from him crashing car into the windmill front page of the local paper reporters at the arraignment the whole nine yards so the law firm partner tells the missing link that when the judge asks him how many bills he had before his accident he should tell him he had three he proceeds to stand in front of the judge and tell him he had three cases the whole room started laughing and he ended up getting jail time not an exact fit for the answer but I once worked at a company while he found out that a lawyer was trying to arrange a class-action suit against us before it got off the ground we found out because this lawyer attempted to email her client but accidentally emailed us instead with all the details of the class-action I was an expert engineer witness at a deposition defending a contractor who happened to be an engineer himself plaintiff claimed he was liable as an engineer as well as the contractor defense was he he was the contractor but that doesn't mean he was the engineer for the project just because he was one after six hours of headache-inducing questioning plaintiff's lawyer pulls out a letter from one certified by the contractor that simply stated I am the engineer for the project he sits back and basically has that looketh let's see what you've got to say now fir obligatory not a lawyer but I took a class on constitutional rights where we had to read decisions from my country's Supreme Court there was this one where a woman was suing her employer a company because IT had found SX pics of a woman on the company's computer IT gave the tip to HR who proceeded to contact the company's legal department in a how the woman was fired and she sued because she claimed that by showing the pics to the lawyer of the company was going against her right to privacy HR also threatened to release the pics to the other employees if the woman kept suing or something like that in the end the court decided that HR had to return the pics to the woman and that was it the funny thing was that the woman claimed that those pics weren't a sex pics even though she was naked and in suggests poses she claimed that she had arrived tired from work passed out on her bed and her little daughter took those pics a prominent female attorney didn't like the judge's ruling in a family law case she asked him if he was from another planet the judge said I beg your pardon she approached the bench without permission and very rudely repeated her question judge told her to apologize she refused the judge had her thrown in the lockup for contempt of court my professor was a lawyer has worked on both sides of the law and says the funniest tea in court is when someone attempts to represent themselves he said they never know what they're doing and usually blow it for themselves plus counsel is a free right edit I am referring mainly to constitutional law in courtroom where all they do is restraining orders everyone gets there at one time in the morning and sits in the chairs and judge calls the cases one by one dude purposely sits next to girl getting the restraining order against him and starts trying to hold her hand and she tea she yells and asks for help and bro had to wait outside when it was his turn the judge was so mad he almost sent into jail so this wasn't the defendant but a plaintiff I was on a jury for a civil trial there were two Co plaintiffs suing one defendant the first co plaintiff was being represented by his father who was an elder guy and didn't seem to have much experience in court for the first week of the trial seemingly every other question was being objected to usually because his questions when questions or he was trying to elicit testimony that was hearsay he basically he said everyone often presented a terrible case the second code plaintiff then gets on the stand and it was clear that he was there very reluctantly get to the defendants lawyer turn cross-examination and the co plaintiff blurts out that the only reason why he's there is because of a fiduciary duty to the other plaintiff then he gets asked if he feels the defendant owes him any money and he just says no it was six weeks of this stupid trial it wasn't every day and there was no trial during the week fo Thanksgiving but it was excruciating and we the jury ended up awarding no money to anyone what a colossal waste of time now I was being questioned as a prospective juror in a personal injury case eight people had already been seated and the plaintiff's attorney asked me the same question he had asked everyone else in Gatlin double-quote yes of course as an answer double quote do you feel that a person has a right to be compensated for his injuries my answer probably loud or unslung than it needed to be worse double quote not if he got hurt because he did something stupid I had poisoned the entire jury pool including those already seated they settled out of court in ten minutes for an amount much smaller than they were asking for not a defendant but there was this dude in the court I interned as who went in with his friend but wore a shirt with the exact color as the ones in group trials the bailiff mistook him for a convict and was asking him to sit down double quote hell no man I'm just here to see my friend I ain't got no case he was the one who got caught I got away no no he didn't get away not my case but still a personal favorite I was sitting in court waiting for my turn case going was a littering case officer said he saw the defendant throw the clear after on a pack of gum out of his window guy decided to defend himself girlfriend takes the stand officer has already testified guy asks did I throw a gum wrapper out the window she replies though you did not with this huge grin on her face the defendant is now also grinning and go what did I throw out the window to which she replies it was the plastic wrapper from your cigarettes guy rests his case right there literally thought he would get off because the officer couldn't properly identify the tear plastic that he admits to throwing out the window [Music] defendant was willing to stay on probation conditioned on jail until her bed became available due to the circumstances of the defendants age and minor violations the judge was very open to the possibility so this was argued out in rebuttal to the defense lawyers argument the prosecutor said something the defendant didn't like the defendant stood up pulled us all racists and said double-quote send my [ __ ] ass to prison you know the scene where Jerry Maguire pleads with rod to help me help you it was 100x worse I used to be a police officer and spent a lot of time in court and saw a lot of things go really wrong for people but the one that sticks out is a guy who was up for DUI he started relating his side of the story and tells the judge he only had two bottles of wine his lawyer is desperately trying to get him to stop talking and he yelled at his own lawyer don't interrupt me and the judge says I think you should take a moment to listen to your attorney and then he told the judge don't tell me what to do I'm not a damn child and the judge just smiled and leaned back and said by all means continue it went badly for him and surprisingly I spent two days in jail many many moons ago I ended up in the felony section that was fun in a how I met some pretty interesting characters one such gentleman I can't remember his name let's call him Bob there were about four of us in a Cell and we're just shooting the she and discussing why everyone is in here Bob is back in jail he is borderline [ __ ] before this current situation he was facing two felonies for I don't remember his lawyer eventually convinces the court that he can't stand trial because he is not mentally competent they eventually let him go what's the first thing he decides to do once he gets out of jail try to steal the first car he sees in front of the courthouse which is adjacent to the jail didn't cross his mind that cops would be in and out of that area all the time he was back in jail probably 20-30 minutes after he got out after beating two felonies poof my grandfather was a big-time lawyer back in the day foreign oil company in one case it was the federal government that blew the whole case my grandpa showed up to court and the first thing he said was that they didn't have jurisdiction the judge was like I'm a federal circuit court judge the highest judge around how can this be out of my jurisdiction double quote the oil in question was drilled in Texas refined into gasoline in Texas and sold in Texas gas stations since it never crossed state lines interstate commerce never happened so the federal government has no jurisdiction double quote the judge just said he was right and closed the case he said off the guides from Washington I went to court with a friend who was really nervous and just needed someone to sit with him drug court was very interesting one girl was there with her mom who kept trying to speak for her the judge would ask a question the mom would answer the judge would remind the mother that her daughter was 18 and could speak for herself this mom would not listen and was piecing the judge off the mom even started getting an attitude with the judge and started saying double-quote she's a child she's scared the judge was like mom she's 18 she's not a child anymore he finally threatened her with contempt of court and that got her to be quiet the girl ended up getting a slightly harsher punishment than the other people pleading youthful offender and I defiantly think her mom helped with that instead of having drug test once a month that are $50 she was put on color code this seemed to make the mom mad who tried to say something again but this time the daughter elbowed her [Music]

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Id: jIp6NOgPxd0

Length: 21min 38sec (1298 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 26 2019