Laughing Fits - Game Grumps Compilation [UNOFFICIAL]

hey i'm grump i'm not sue gruff and we're the game grumps i think the plot is i'm santa it's looking a little cubitsy um or we're santa yeah there's your scent oh boy grab your reward you've earned it let me just open that oh god all right yeah i'm fine it's worth dying for whoa [Laughter] how would you ever [Music] [Laughter] santa going flying too much for me to handle right now he doesn't move either he's just like i've accepted my fate just bounces around oh my god santa's all right here we go there wasn't enough room for santa's workshop so they just put santa's hey aaron what can i share something with you from earlier today what is it dan well i sent you a text early in the morning yeah because i have to go out of town for one weekend yeah this month and so i was like i won't give specific dates but i was like do you have any preference whether i go this weekend or the next weekend your response at 9 30 in the morning [ __ ] jesse eisenberg jesus christ [ __ ] dude [ __ ] facebook movie [ __ ] jesus can you [ __ ] believe this [ __ ] no no no punctuation random capitalization so i respond i have no idea what we're talking about right now yeah 45 minutes pass i got a text from you goddamn creative facebook and [ __ ] lawyers and [ __ ] right [ __ ] winkle boss twins goddamn row in the boat [ __ ] yo [ __ ] i can't even [ __ ] believe this [ __ ] have you seen this [ __ ] [ __ ] i just watched this [ __ ] [ __ ] jesse eisenberg man i respond aaron you're scaring me an hour passes you respond [ __ ] spider-man spider-man you're putting the time [ __ ] put in the time [ __ ] build [ __ ] with his bare hands [ __ ] best friend [ __ ] jesse eisenberg i'm very tired i'm just like no problem man i'll i'll do most of the talking at the grump session today immediate like response i'm talking like five seconds later no man i'll just talk about the facebook movie all day [ __ ] man you have to be so interested in the [ __ ] i have to say about the facebook movie [ __ ] dude i just watched a year and a half ago [ __ ] jesse eisenberg man he [ __ ] over spider-man crazy winkleballs twins rowing trent resin or did the soundtrack [ __ ] this guy who invented facebook i don't like dying i can't think of who the [ __ ] invented facebook all i can think is the guy who played the guy who invented facebook who the [ __ ] invented facebook and then in all capital letters two hours later mark zuckerberg what the [ __ ] i swear to god okay first of all i i don't understand why the chinese don't just use forks and spoons but i'm too old to get up and go to the kitchen so i suppose i'll manage oh my god this is a conundrum let me rest stop rummaging through my things grind the christmas hat do you really think it's something that's acid [Laughter] should i look up a walk each of us are going to choose a poem to recite during the event but the cool part is we're also going to let anyone else come up and recite poems too say yuri's putting all i say you're shutting down [Laughter] rebooting [Laughter] you just talked to her too long and her ability to speak just starts to like decay slowly i know you do i know we all do and if it all take [Music] and if all of it takes [Laughter] hang on there's a connection here you cannot defeat me child [Laughter] i am much too powerful for this world [Music] the world sends me a trembling child ah come on um you're doing great this [ __ ] sucks no you're you're cruising right along dying yeah wait what does that thing do oh [ __ ] i don't know why it just that joke just wore me down and i'm the first time i thought about it oh man holy [ __ ] oh god my stomach it's getting a lot harder is he really i can't i can't get at him i can't give him i only defeating me will only make me more powerful oh [ __ ] [Laughter] did you ever see faces of death when you were younger of course super scary i went to the i went to the museum of death and they were like playing all of them oh no like a little theater and i was like cool and we sat there for a while and watched it's a [ __ ] huge oh my god help [Laughter] for some reason i just saw that as one of those cutscenes yeah it's like how it got like wobbly animated and [ __ ] help just [ __ ] like a thousand crab claws like from every direction just beating the [ __ ] out of here excuse me excuse me in the process of not giving away don't care dude they're all like oh maybe she was born with it and i was like maybe it's maybelline [Laughter] i forgot that was the slogan yeah she's a head turner thank you to ruben clayford and the espositos for sending us this shitty [ __ ] up copy of burgers oh yeah nailed it those [ __ ] magic mike fingers going up your coo [Laughter] you see that [ __ ] i'm chanting tatum all up in this [ __ ] i saw it i saw that all right young man there's no need to feel sass i said young man stick your hand in my ass i said young man eat the poop it's a sickness you see we do not want it here in uganda in ymca okay we do not want it in the y ymca it's a sickness in the wild they [Laughter] they use their dicks like big toys you can hang out with all the boys i am programmed not to harm anyone hello i am friend dog [Laughter] my ears contain my human protection program oh my god oops my ear fell off all right i think it would be great if they removed one end and it was tenuous does that just change everything the game of e tiny penises oh god it's a nightmare oh no best of three please i was programmed to protect humanity i too was programmed to protect humanity i too am friend dog uh clarence you're acting awfully strangely it's like clarence does not compute i am friend i am friend clarence were you replaced by reprogramming i as per your want i am friend clarence something's wrong with my dog doctor he's been speaking human words an irishman walks out of a bar [Laughter] come on dude finn killing it with the multiple things i think what was funnier was the like aaron all right who's who's the next hoot for me to die uh flash man or crash man do you think they hang out more because they rhyme and they get all pissed when like somebody mumbles yeah like a boyfriend it was like what what who do you think they have a third friend named cashman who never shows up because he's so [ __ ] rich yeah you guys [ __ ] fight in your blue world i'll just uh i'll just stay here in my money pile i was i was rich enough to have more than 16 colors on screen are you like that [ __ ] [ __ ] cash man cash man let's just hang out with ash man he's been through a lot [Laughter] he was friends he was friends with fireman well you can imagine how that turned out he's been hanging out with sasha i don't like that guy he's a beauty contest winner but [ __ ] full of himself yeah well ashman was was pretty good until he had that following with fireman and then he met splash man and everything worked out for him but he really made him who he was who he is now yeah yeah and then his life really like cleaned up when he met trashman and that guy took care of all his [ __ ] cleaned up did you see what i did there it was super [ __ ] not clever did you did you see what i did there with my splash you did it i liked it and that's why i tried to follow up with a vastly inferior oh man yeah well they they all like hanging out together but um you know when they go places that they're not comfortable with they invite brashman and when they have potatoes that they don't know what to do with they call it match man [Laughter] [Music] i just throw up skittles and when there really is nothing to do they're just alone in their house and somebody's like dude you still got the number of stash man [Laughter] [Music] i have to go i'm leaving i'm leaving the house oh god dude my stomach [Music] i don't know the right way to say this and i don't i don't mean to be offensive towards you but i don't know how else to say it it's like fat but like in the shape of a six-pack do you know what i mean [Laughter] it's because i always used to the reason i know what you mean is because i always used to be like yeah look at that [ __ ] yeah something absent from you so many around here spread your legs let me see your teeth [Laughter] what brings you to our cozy island she came here to ask for dr potent's help to cure her sick brother everybody remember the plot it's [ __ ] in one sentence deep of course dr poe said he'll find doctors i presumed he agreed to help he did but he needs a few days to get ready why and so prince of tanks has to stay here for a while but [Laughter] all right welcome welcome back hello uh here's that story i promised you about dan and i as children yes which again seems unlikely all right one day uh in little old kansas where we grew up together uh we dan was 12 i was 17. unlikely dan let me tell you a little something about young dan he was he was really into crime like murders all the time and he would get away with them he still has honestly he hasn't served any time for the the unsolved murders of of caitlyn uh francis and gene i would really appreciate it if you didn't uh suggest that i i in kansas in 1942 when we were children he was he was eight and i was 77. yeah wow so cool that you made it all the way to 135. anyway here's the here's the deal yeah this is what happened i mean he just [ __ ] himself we were we were we were hanging out at the dq with the dairy queen the dq that's what i call it no one calls it that [ __ ] oh i opened it but it didn't work all right i gotta do it again um anyway we were hanging out with the dq dan [ __ ] himself 17 times in a row okay and it was it was it was consecutive like he but it was the 40s so these things didn't matter well actually it was no internet it was actually worse than it was actually the 2040s in the 40s now it's okay yeah but he he cleaned off his butt after every [ __ ] and then he [ __ ] himself afterwards again and because he he was [ __ ] himself he was just like oh there's there's all this stuff that's coming out i might as well replace it with more ice cream and what happened was he was just [ __ ] out the ice [Music] good story so if i may recap i have to make this dude when we were young children i was 77 and you were two when you were a young child of 77 growing up in kansas in the 40s and i was a murderer of two years old i [ __ ] myself 17 [Music] that a dairy queen that's this [Laughter] [Music] it's a really good story i think it's the dairy queen part of the really yeah absolutely absolutely oh my god there's so many didn't you see yeah i saw that i saw that aaron [Music] and i was just about to get my ice cream served in the little upside down baseball helmet too there's [Laughter] [ __ ] you want to do like a little like improv rap song yeah and barry can do a little just like quick edit of like [ __ ] what's his face yeah yeah all right give me a beat my name is mr wilson and i'm here to say i'm gonna smack your ass in a major way what are you doing in my basement get out of here let's get out of here [Laughter] there you go barry there's some [ __ ] gold [Laughter] oh no it's broken us the game has broken us [Music] [Laughter] because i just imagined mr wilson like actually rapping [Laughter] get out of here [Laughter] oh no oh what did batman say to robin before they got in the car what get in the car come on dude [Laughter] before they got in the car hey robin um i've been thinking yeah it's like oh oh is that really the first time you're gonna introduce i'm sorry go on after waiting [Laughter] was that legit oh yeah [Laughter] what's that strange shape on the floor yay you took all day my grandmother find me fragment faster than you [Laughter] i am going to teach you how to face dangerous creatures oh my god oh he's sleeping this is bass look at it [Laughter] i'm going to teach you how to make out the dots from these icons this icon obviously shows that it is sleeping oh my god yeah i i get it yeah but uh now you are safe from these creatures when i got these prerequise do you want to take you if you keep quiet i stay away this game is like 60 percent instruction yeah well it keeps throwing new [ __ ] at you i know it can't decide what game it was every time scene is just a new [ __ ] like oh okay now it's a first person shooter next is how to bark it is simple try poking at the creatures that are sleeping or they hate that [Laughter] sneak up on a creature that does not see you from behind and back at it from behind oh [ __ ] never mind oh [ __ ] oh my goodness dude [Laughter] hope you can swim while dead [Laughter] the death throat that is favorite swim technique that's true also favorite dc superhero he's the destruct determinator also the terminator's favorite movie it'll come full circle for ivan ouch also movie is favorite art medium also earth medium is favorite way of expressing emotion also medium is favorite cooking of steak not too soft but just tough enough for hard draw this man is dead oh my god i never want to play another video game in my life other than this stop shooting my barricade please i don't believe this the monk gestures like a ritual the ghost shrinks as if it's in pain it's gone this can't be real it's real as [ __ ] y'all oh he's just there yeah yeah yeah oh let me let me let me lead you into the real ghost quarters oh they're really all right i named this barricade barracuda and my favorite song by my favorite band heart which is my favorite organ to pull out of the chest of my enemies lots of favorites today must be good day oops [Laughter] oh man my life is different now you think tarp will save you please poke it out okay okay sorry [Laughter] welcome to steel panther okay this is um um an album it's dropping right in your face this in your face like a spray of jesus you do a really fabulous dane cooking brush thank you both in equal measure [Music] oh no darkness or whatever oh man all right yo yo yo ah [ __ ] [ __ ] yellow baby [ __ ] oh my god oh my god do you remember that no it's just so funny out of context it's from street fighter 2. the arcade version would you beat up their car in the mini game the guy who owns the car shows up and he's like oh my god just the idea of a baby doing that is my favorite it's just like this really [ __ ] adult sounding oh my god on hurry up come on this is a real [ __ ] powerful battle ow it will not die [Music] yes oh i mean are you [ __ ] kidding me i s my [ __ ] eyes can't handle this i need the crystal of vision don't ms paint me [Laughter] they out these elaborate animations where like some guy [ __ ] melts yeah and like another guy explodes and then he like [ __ ] flies around the screen and deflates and then link comes over and picks up his his dead balloon carcass golly and then he just gets [ __ ] deleted he gets super compressed and then deleted i've got no money why i spent it all on grand [Laughter] but it's okay [Laughter] what it was the perfect storm [ __ ] what the hell just happened what did i do and you were looking at me with the side mouth in the realization that you did actually lose like 60 000. [Laughter] oh god damn i can't afford any [ __ ] i can't afford my stomach hurts all right i'm in girl mode i gotta be in my closet all right i gotta change my [ __ ] swimsuit because [ __ ] man oh look at all these [Laughter] this closet does not contain the gin buck oh man i'm schvitzen um hold on a sec what is it oh god [ __ ] what jesus christ stay back stay back kill it with fire [Laughter] it's so rare to see one we might never get this chance again let's go in his mouth this could be our only chance to kill it oh my god it's a giant [ __ ] flap oh my god it's coming right for you what's up whale what's up girl it's a humpback whale calf punch it to enrage the mother boom good boom excellent great oh strange it's not swimming with its mother yeah and like all of a sudden like the sun gets blotted out he has prior set commercials yeah if you got heartburn i'll tell you what you need to go you need to get prolly set you know what good or done that's shockingly like what it's like i mean almost word for word i eat ribs every day and i love it but i'll tell you what one more thing about what how much ribs i eat a lot probably almost positive he doesn't phrase it like that consume where is this they live i'm never [ __ ] she's way ahead of me yep all right kill her it's the only way kill it do it [Laughter] what character was that that was um lord palpatine oh in the third star wars movie [Laughter] [ __ ] gets me every time anakin has [ __ ] count dooku on the ground and he's got double lightsabers about to cat decapitate him that was a [ __ ] up scene actually yeah and then anakin's like should i do it and then palpatine's like do it and he's like really and he's like do it i think you're getting that star let's do it he's just too excited [Laughter] it took it took us all night to get to the point where we're [ __ ] laughing like idiots but we are here now [Laughter] [ __ ] he like grabs a glass of water [Laughter] oh [ __ ] i'm gonna [ __ ] oh no i don't have my double trice candy now you don't i'm just gonna do this just because i can just zap something wait what happened to my thrice my twice candy i don't know that's [ __ ] stupid i had a tour oh he stole it he did it [ __ ] do it [Laughter] do you think of like if like palpatine's like out of the out of the streets and he gets like he gets like approached by some [ __ ] mugger and they're like oh i'm gonna steal your money he's like don't do it or if he if he's at like shabbat at a friend's house and they're like um is it all right if we say the lord's prayer and he's like jewett [Laughter] he just gets really fed up with a [ __ ] like ring toss game and he's just like it's witches [Laughter] oh god or like or like he goes up to this girl and asks her out and she's like no you're ugly and then he walks away and he's like blew it [Laughter] darth vader's like luke i am your father and he's like i knew it [Laughter] oh that really got me oh man oh we're so close no all right this is last minigame before we [ __ ] go to the final round of stars oh well looks like dry bones isn't a goddamn [ __ ] sore just a staggering lead [Laughter] you just gotta trace the shape that's all okay and the better you do it the more points you get got it do i have to hold down a button yeah you gotta hold down a or b impossible depending on which one you like okay don't you wanna hold down a don't forget to do it [Applause] is so good at this oh what the [ __ ] ah it's so hard uh you're like an artist and you can't do that i'm usually pretty good at this there's a rayman raving rabbids game like joking on your food and palpatine's like chew it [ __ ] oh my god i started laughing oh god it's like to his baby son chew [Laughter] [Music] somebody's like somebody's like hey did you [Music] he's like how did you do with that baseball game as a pitcher and he was like palpatine i broke my pencil do it palpatine what are we gonna do with all this day old meat stewie [Laughter] oh dry bones gets another star yay i'm understanding this way too well misconstrued oh the green star goes to oh two green stars it's peach and yoshi yay that's us high five for doubles great job why was your hand so wet that's because well that like that was the wettest high five i've ever been a part of i know sorry i blew [Laughter] all right i think i think maybe we have uh uh yeah oh jeez i wonder who the winner is how'd you like your chia pet grew it [Laughter] oh man yeah congratulations yeah you drive on you [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] [ __ ] oh you only won because you're so smart she's a stupid dick god look at how [ __ ] sad all of us are yeah this is a goddamn travesty and then like peach is like praying [Laughter] i can't believe that they weren't cool ah they're just trying to trick you into [ __ ] going getting the bait but guess what you're smarter than that am i you're smarter than that you're stronger than that you're so strong you can pull panels off the walls you know what i am a strong independent woman i have a strong independent nut sack who don't need no balls i can pull [ __ ] off the wall if i want [ __ ] it oh god that's [ __ ] i'm just trying to depend on the nuts i don't need no balls why do i look like i'm upside down oh that's much better look it's the whale another one of god's cruel jokes it's a living boy this level is like challenging in a whole new way oh my god don't even get me started don't even don't even get me started oh now you done it now i'm started dude you [ __ ] my wife did you start me did you [ __ ] my wife get me started did you [ __ ] my wife i think you [ __ ] my wife and got me started i got started because you [ __ ] my work that's exactly the reason i got started if i could trace back to the moment where i got started it would definitely be definitely be when you [ __ ] my wife i'm not i'm not just i'm not just interpolating here that is our question without a doubt the number one time i got stopped i'm a porcupine and i'm started she does that kind of thing where she like coughs for way too long it makes everyone uncomfortable oh yeah here read your line i'll do it like am i mario's babysitter i don't care what he's doing are you going to call me every time that guy blows his nose or what sheesh yes well you see [Laughter] he's hunting for an amazing treasure treasure yes mario's got in search of a star-shaped jewel known as [Laughter] researching just what they are but there's no question of their high that the crystal stars you say they sound like good world conquering tools i want them yes very good continue researching this for me you brainy hag you [Laughter] yes sir thank you sir leave it to me by the way lord bowser do you like fried eggs what you bet i do still showed up and started blowing up buildings that's it right something's protecting it something unnatural he's doing it on purpose look here's a letter here's a letter from it he says he's gonna take us down mark my wolf [Music] [Laughter] so i fired again and i missed and then i missed again and then i fired again and then i missed and then i fired and then i fired and i missed i missed both times and then i fired and i missed this went on for several hours and then i fired and then i missed it and then i was out of bullets and then i got sad yeah i had a popsicle and then i passed out in the snow then i woke up and then i reloaded and then i fired and then i missed i missed again i'm fired i hit something but it wasn't what i was going for so i guess i missed i'll pass that again i had another popsicle i had a dream that i was firing at something i missed [Laughter] lost it all right so she could pick a snowball fight with him i threw up a snowball at him i missed i packed another snowball into my gun that's my secret weapon i missed yeah she's really something i threw a snowball at her i missed out i woke up with a popsicle stick in my mouth around here [Laughter] well i can sass him yeah i kind of need to know and or you don't want to oh chantal and those lawyers said i couldn't talk about them supposed to direct don't piss me off woman i'll take a swing at you i'll miss though i guarantee it and i'll take another swing and i'll miss myself would you care for a popsicle just don't bring it into the sourness yeah oh man i reached in the fridge for another popsicle i missed i got the cabbage i put it back but i missed i dropped it on the floor long story short yes yay oh you've got one shot oh dick dude dicks dude that's it this is it holy [ __ ] if you get this i'll be super impressed this that's it that's it i did it i [ __ ] did it yes yes oh god oh dickball i have to overshoot it a little bit yeah i hope this turns back blue the way i got screwed over before now no no oh my god oh tits oh tits and ass okay here we go here's a little snug and here's a little suck it off suck it off suck it off my tip it off my tips suck my pre dude [Laughter] you have to eat my prey drink my pre dude it's disgusting oh [ __ ] i'm gonna pray all over my face [Music] i can't take credit for that no no that's all matt ryan wait i'm getting a crucial transmission from grandpa it's like i can't believe getting [ __ ] and eating my own [ __ ] at the same time i feel like i'm going crazy [Laughter] okay all right cool i'm back to the kickstarter to surface grandfather grandpa we're back and he's like kind of caught me with a bad time here oh jewish good job white baby you've won a new costume you've successfully been eaten by a wolf [Laughter] and this is your last glimpse of the world that you left behind [Laughter] wolves in their final act of cruelty always like to eat the face last and use their top two fangs to puncture the eyes grandpa must be starting to worry i just can't help but stay on this page wow going crazy [Laughter] let's get back to the boat in a hurry just give me five more minutes get some important business from all angles oh jeez [Laughter] okay are you coming up oh jeez warn me this boat is very small and there's a lot of self-love happening right now and by that i mean it feels like i'm eating out of my own [ __ ] have i told you one of my favorite uh [ __ ] saturday night live skits with will ferrell i think it's with no no it's with what's his name from archer i can't remember his name uh chris something um no no uh everybody's not favorite it's something like uh well the idea is like when this whole internet thing started i thought it was just a fad so by the time i decided to open my law practice there was only one domain name remaining so please meet us at clownpenis.com [Laughter] we're here to help you [Laughter] oh god that's an old timer i feel so bad laughing because it's not your joke oh no it's it's an amazing joke it's all the way from the 90s fart [Laughter] oh [ __ ] oh man [Laughter] i'm not saying it anymore you would think how much it hurts would make it not funny holy [ __ ] that was absolutely my reaction the first time i saw it who says [ __ ] toilet humor is hilarious oh my god wow this is real this game is really tearing us apart and i do not care i'm i i'm with you there dude it is fun tearing us apart like a [ __ ] like a like a dude who can tear apart a phone book [Music] you know the guy it's just a little late the guy who watched beekman's world and is like hey i bet you i could rip in the phone book for five dollars and everyone's like no you can't he's like check it out he rips the phone book in half and then everyone's like wow how did you do that he's like so i'm not telling [Laughter] you know the guy oh yeah i know that guy everybody knows that guy i'm moving to the groove into the groove into the movement through the groove into the groove gotta move it up gotta move it down gotta move it up down up down the opposite of the things that i'm saying that's right left left right left right up i mean down up down left right up and that's how you do cunnilingus you gotta spell out the alphabet with your tongue yep i'm just gonna be like so that you can think about something else other than you look i never got that and the girl's all like oh yeah and then you when you really want to turn up the jews you're just like [Laughter] we should give like should give terrible sex advice on the show like when you're ready for the girl to come make sure you yell at the vagina like come do it [Laughter] i know what girls like don't wait don't wait [Laughter] oh game grumps sex lessons satisfaction guarantee okay excuse me what were you saying aaron before i really interrupted you with my insanity when you're getting a [ __ ] and you really like it you want to let her know just just go like [Laughter] damn it oh whoa that looks safe yeah you should go in with your painting form you should go into the black gooey wall [Laughter] [Music] he's kind of cool looking hello hey you must die yeah welcome yeah you must die [Laughter] will you be staying for dinner you must die here's your gift bag you must die welcome to walmart you must die shalom and happy hanukkah you must have it oh link it's great to see you again you must die oh what am i doing with him again i don't know oh i think i have to hit him in the head okay damn tapeworms everywhere dude what am i supposed to do i'll tell you what you're supposed to do you must die [Laughter] you eat you eat raw chicken you must die these tapeworms will assist aaron oh god i haven't seen you since high school how long has it been ah 15 16 years you almost died [Laughter] oh god that's good thank you for calling gamestop where you can do the infinite warfare this is charles speaking you must die hello and welcome to moviefone if you know the name of the movie you'd like to see please press the first three letters of it now you you must die no out of the question you must come in here oh oh you're nude it's like the only line mario actually says in the entire game optimism are you nude oh my god so you put it that got you way more than i look over your face is just all red and squinchy it's so funny because of the acknowledgement of that it's the only thing he's ever seen okay we're fine we're good yeah on the racist version of that song that would have been fun what's that racist version no god i'm so curious okay eeny meeny miny moe black people am i right yeah that's a racist version full full disclosure i'm brown yeah just listening to this and being like this is wrong it's fine yeah we've got express permission mickey mouse [Laughter] [Music] first of all two cats why not three jeez what were they thinking this game's a bunch of poopy ass dicks covered in chocolate feces what is this some kind of angel i don't want religion in my game girlfriend gets kidnapped by a bird just like her [ __ ] this game has nothing to do with disney except that it sucks what a bunch of poopy anus farts covered in dick waffles [Music] being poured all over a fat girl's titties i think i think the insults that are more uh hurtful are the ones that are like really clean and like like never used sorry i don't care i'm losing you are a perfect fit for this show my friend dude please come on more [ __ ] on [ __ ] on to our show oh you [ __ ] [ __ ] you put those fake box like actually in the box yeah that's right you're a sick [ __ ] i know i know how to play dude you're both sick [ __ ] where are you i can't where are you you're smiles just please slow down so i have some competition sorry for spitting please oh dude [ __ ] up sorry [Laughter] oh this is a [ __ ] delight i just like to imagine you have like you have like a napkin like a bib on your you're just like just like barf on the edge and you're just slightly dabbing your lip like sorry the thing is i was like this was a bad idea it was just we're just talking about you losing your [ __ ] aaron yeah and i can't be smug about it at all because this is [ __ ] [Laughter] what the [ __ ] i said william henry taft and then i said how henry howard tapped and what was his name i don't remember it was howard henry it was not howard henry don't [ __ ] with me dude william howard william howard so i said william henry and henry howard and you put the two together and what do you get wow look at this guy howard henry taft he looks like the quaker oatmeal guy your old mural barry please put up a picture of him if you hadn't already [Music] whoops oh good job well i murdered my ride right dude wow i'm sorry all right well good he's just like [ __ ] robbing a bank and then you're all like jumpy and [ __ ] and then like you're you're like your [ __ ] driver like drives up and it's like get in you're just like boom oh [ __ ] oh whoops and now i'm just standing here with my hand on my suspenders like wow this is a fun pickle oh my god i never noticed that oh it totally has like the mayor like yeah [Laughter] day for mayoring if i do say so myself death approaches [Music] oh god death approaches better scandal one two ah this is a fine mess of turnips we've gotten ourselves into how to rage how do we get over there and discuss oh [ __ ] you gotta jump you gotta you gotta jump on it and then jump again all right this time we got it but at this point it's worthless because we've lost more gold [Laughter] you can go ahead and do it okay you can do it on your own where's the gear thing you got to make it again oh it's all on you baby oh there it is then jump on and jump again [Laughter] we have a video game [Laughter] get it before it disappears dude [Laughter] okay oh my [ __ ] god dude this has been one of the best days of my life hello [Laughter] oh no i can't get your [ __ ] great i gotta use my [ __ ] igor fortune to get it towards me i [ __ ] wasted my e-course so i could get that [ __ ] you left early can you slow it down there and see if there's anything that actually you're running into it's just like when you hit the wall what the f jesus christ man this is unacceptable how do people defend this game this is a retroactive outrage oh my god no no no it's pulling you towards it go oh jesus i'm up here now how did it whoa oh next time on game grumps what is it raining i want one of these guys to just be like like you walk up to and they're all like hello link welcome to our island here is blah blah blah and then you walk up to this guy and he's just like that was our only option but there might be one problem what's that got your nose [Laughter] how are you gonna smell now [Laughter] i think he's referring to angie what about her he's got her nose too she has much experience with guilt as derek does but see the thing is he's only got two thumbs so he can't take my nose your nose grabbing days are over styles i'm smelling the nosey ribbon screaming at your body what do you think would happen if obama like year eight he was just like year eight well this uh this is giving me an erection being a president is a it's a very hard erection yeah it actually arouses me very much thank you american people thank you or uh elected me as president i've never gotten my rocks off so hard as i stand here before you today with a large thunder resurrection you think people would be like yeah all right yeah i get it i can't blame him i'm [ __ ] dude if i was the leader of the free world i'd be pretty hard myself you may think that uh because i've uh i'm constantly stressed out and busy i uh can't get it up not so [Laughter] in fact i've never been more aroused in my life yeah i've never had so much awesome president sex in fact i've never had president sex before now that i have uh i don't know if i'm gonna be able to turn it down eight years simply isn't enough [Laughter] is that you telling the story of this round yeah somebody else and then he got the electrical thing and he was like it was crazy bro you should have been there you can watch it online [Laughter] oh goodness how do i how do i turn the thing oh you hold oh there it is as i stand here before you today in more ways than one yeah [Music] go for it go for it bro i'm gonna do you one better and bro for it i'm uh i'm gonna pray i'm gonna pre-algebra i'm gonna pray dude i'm gonna [ __ ] pray [Laughter] holy [ __ ] how am i supposed to [ __ ] golf at a time like this god if i ever found out that [ __ ] like obama has seen an episode of game grumps and he was like that's funny stuff i'm gonna [ __ ] pray i like i like it when they say i'm gonna [ __ ] pray [Laughter] those guys [ __ ] kidding me danny and arnold i love those two guys they're hilarious but we're going to talk about a pre-coming i was the president of the united states i'm not anymore but uh but man i can still laugh yeah you're a partner darren do some work there that is his character i guess people say they don't like it but they actually do get a [ __ ] pre-dude it really helps the dynamic that [ __ ] killed me feels good to be on vacation it feels good to pray got to catch up on game grumps episodes [Laughter] oh my god michelle and the kids are out there surfing in the in the sun if th but me i uh i gotta catch up on those uh kirby's dream course [Laughter] michelle get in here yeah michelle they're they're doing an impression of me god it's hilarious it sounds just like me they're doing that thing when they're talking about how they're gonna pray it's like my favorite bet it's like my favorite i'm gonna pray dude [ __ ] pray oh boy holy [ __ ] here we go oh my god nope don't don't don't oh nice take out my umbrella good job with the umbrella dumbass you're an [ __ ] i'd comment but uh woof everyone would know it was me i'd love to like comment and subscribe but you guys are [ __ ] idiots uh i do have a troll account the president would have a troll account absolutely well this current one absolutely would probably is regular okay i can't trace my ip address [Laughter] i'm a [ __ ] president yeah [ __ ] they'll never know obama rules 98 could possibly be made suck the hard d i've never seen him suck so hard can you just say i'm gonna pray [Music] fell off the side i don't even give a [ __ ] i don't give a flying fiddle uh aaron uh doesn't even give a [ __ ] i love that about him he's his own man [Laughter] he would have stood up to congress no i don't understand those why stop animating yeah [Laughter] oh my god that is [ __ ] hilarious he he gets on us for [ __ ] that the fans get up oh it'd be amazing oh you know he didn't even know how to pick up stuff in wind waker it's right on the screen just read you idiot but i love him danny uh you know there are two different kinds of blocking and mario and paper mario you uh [ __ ] kidding me here's the bad idiot he pulls all your life what are you a dumbass yeah i love him though you only get three ultra shrooms in the entire game the [ __ ] is wrong with him how does he not know that how does he not know that thing about this game he's never played reading that walkthrough that sucks ass yeah i didn't know how to be president before i was president but i figured it out a little paper mario strategy couldn't hurt yeah jeez get with it this guy's dumb as [ __ ] oh my god i could say that i was president for eight years [Music] this has been one of my favorite days of my life oh boy people are probably yelling at them right now for doing the obama voice for too much yeah they sure do milk a joke dry don't they it's one thing i hate about those guys just because it makes them laugh it should make me laugh [ __ ] them [Laughter] i think we found a new dale gribble yes oh my god it's my favorite boy jesus christ okay i miss kevin [Laughter] barack obama i didn't expect that i know ah huge kevin fan yeah i can still i can still follow his instagram yeah he's adorable [Laughter] those big eyes he's got lovable eyes yeah the ladies love them and i do not blame them if i were a lady i'd love them too hell yeah i'm a boy and i love them yeah i mean i love michelle i'll ride with her till i die but that kevin i love him good god love his little puerto rican ass is he puerto rican i think he's puerto rican oh boy i really love to be on gas grumps but they'll never say yes barack obama is the former president and today he's on [ __ ] gas groups holy [ __ ] what the [ __ ] holy [ __ ] [ __ ] it's barack obama and this is jessica that would totally be it that's what it would be just because you're a man doesn't mean you can't have sex with me i'm sorry i'm acting out a little thing in my head here oh come on nedarina oh you stupid [ __ ] she's like you can't kill me with those roxy yours those rocks it's just gonna look like she's doing that like hand thing yeah yeah yeah stop stop just you go ahead and stop right turn snackle was like no she was there she came right up to him and she was like he she did not i'll talk to you later i'm dead whoa you okay you're killing me smalls he had a good one while i was home this past time um he he was like where uh can people buy your music and i was like oh you know like digitally usually people get it digitally but i mean with star bomb there's also physical copies and we'll probably do cds of ninja sex party and he's like can uh can people hear it on uh spoofy i'm like does it mean spotify anyway [Laughter] he's like yeah yeah we're in a restaurant so i'm trying not to like laugh and cause some embarrassment oh my god that was my favorite i'd imagine you could father if that were a thing if there were such a thing sophie would be the one place you could go i'm making my next [Music] wow [Laughter] holy [ __ ] what are you eating this is burger it's gross sorry what took you so long fairy is there something wrong with your eyes it's so bright we'll go back to sleep well done stop the [ __ ] car [Laughter] my name big and i'm big just flips the [ __ ] take me for a ride yeah i bet i bet you'd keep driving seven i am going oh yeah oh no where did he go [ __ ] that guy yeah probably some dirty armenian once again big nothing wrong with our meetings [Laughter] big the cat the judge is just big it clearly has a problem with that group of people you should probably see this as well it's a stuffed dog yeah there's a stinker a letter yes c for cranberries [Laughter] [ __ ] i can't remember i think we were just talking [ __ ] i'm gonna i'm gonna sound stupid if this was already on an episode but i was like oh man you're like what were you doing i was like you know just [ __ ] jacking it with a [ __ ] finger up my ass and you were like oh my god have you done that at the best right i was like no actually i've never i've never done that and then you're like oh cool me neither i was just just [ __ ] around oh my god it's the best ride oh god it made me [ __ ] curious and i'm like god damn it i don't i'm busy dude i don't have time to be [ __ ] sticking stuff on my butt for pleasure [Laughter] yeah that would have been perfect if it was if it was let up by oh oh yeah totally and then you're just just like going home and you're like yeah is it is cut to me with an entire arm [Laughter] oh look it up here that's a good way to hide oh hey how about that yeah how do you [ __ ] like that bowser that's the way to do it [ __ ] salty sander oh there it was there why do you keep jumping all the time you [ __ ] freak you're a freak [Laughter] oh my god sounded like you were working some [ __ ] out there that came from a dark place [Laughter] [Applause] you're afraid [Laughter] oh my god this is so awesome oh boy oh geez like a villain you've been fighting for like your whole life now jesus whatever my [ __ ] bill nye i don't find that barry get bill nye on the horn molasses melts quickly gold knife here hey bill um i was wondering do you have a sec i told you never call me hurry again all right hey does molasses go fast on a summer sunday i'm gonna call the police how could you you're already on the phone with me looks like you're the science guy now you have proven yourself a worthy successor of the name science guy the torch can finally be passed i just love the small realization again like this dismissive hang up [Music] looks like your other science car now there you go gonna [ __ ] conclude [Laughter] oh i can't do it it's really hard it's way harder than it looks i'm gonna pre dude did i say that on the show or off camera i think you said it off camera oh okay it's my favorite thing that matt and ryan said yeah dude oh i'm gonna breathe [Laughter] like it makes me [ __ ] die in hysterics every time oh oh cause they do is so convincing [Laughter] this is so funny i love conclude though oh baby [ __ ] what do you want me to conclude i am uh not asking dan to do any favors for me yeah specifically [ __ ] you what why would you even say that god what if we just [ __ ] one day dude you're so weird right now what is going on with you why is it weird man just two bros [ __ ] each other dude hanging out going to a baseball game [ __ ] give each other hot blowies oh my god center field whoa jumping down onto the base paths dude all right never mind i've been hanging out with ninja brian too much how could you say [ __ ] like that i don't know man messed up you've aaron what you do realize that i have voice messages from you saying like [Music] okay what did that really happen of course that happened what that happened like two years ago you gotta send me that okay it's on my old phone but i'm sure i kept it because it made me laugh every time you're like listen i know you're busy but like [Music] man i used to be funny oh god damn dude it's just it's just hilarious that like how quickly we forget yes i would totally still do that yeah of course i'm a squid if you haven't noticed why does he sound like our jewish mom voice i think he sounds more kind of like a your cousin got a fire flower look sounds a little bit more like a like a like a sassy nerdy guy yeah oh okay i'm gonna take you out already it's on a date this time i won't barf on you actually just kidding no promises i'm taking this to an italian restaurant and i'm very allergic [Laughter] and guess what you wouldn't like me when i'm cheesy guess what what [Laughter] [Laughter] oh this is taking one million percent of my concentration right now all right for me though i could [ __ ] tell my life story here we go really at age six i was born without a face [Laughter] [Music] [Laughter] there's like 20 absurdities in that sentence and i don't want to get hit by the [ __ ] bats or whatever just stay up on the bat stay up on the cliff until then don't fall in the cavs [Music] [Laughter] [Music] oh my god we'll play it aaron what as that last episode ended i was like oh can i do you mind if i respond to this text message and i was like sure go ahead that time as i'm texting i get a text from aaron that says [Laughter] it says no i said i said i'll take the time to respond to a text of my own that's right and then i get a text where it says yeah he's responding to text messages wasting my [ __ ] time followed by sorry wrong person you [ __ ] bastard ever tell you about that nope my [ __ ] joke yoda joe kyoda yeah no it's like yoda after he like retires from the force you [ __ ] he wants to become a comedian he's not he's not a policeman so he retires from the floor he becomes a comedian so he's like he's like he only tells star wars related jokes so he's like i have a joke for you and then you gotta be like okay tell it to me [ __ ] so i have a joke for you then okay uh tell it to me joke cop yoda what what kind of car do i drive um i don't know a toyota funny joke here's a good one a streak from dagobah that's a character you made yeah boy aaron all right go ahead no no do it dude oh [ __ ] i don't want to do this i thought i could do it but i can't it's way harder than it looks isn't it it sure is here's a good one from the planet tattooine [Music] what what did luke skywalker say about somebody bullying his sister what's that you better not lay a finger on her hmm it's um it's funny watching you go back and forth between like the joy on your face when you do that voice and like the absolute dead eyed like anger that you immediately snap back into when just playing this okay here's a good one from straight from the death star okay what all right here can the back what did a jockey's manager say to him before the big race okay this is me playing now uh what did they say yoda use the he's horse [ __ ] right when he's in the center you gotta [ __ ] do this yeah oh you're [ __ ] oh i sure am what if i nope nope that's not gonna work you guys i think you just gotta book it right like yeah i guess so you gotta catch him while he's walking okay [Music] don't i i was like that's a suspicious pause of time between saying something [Music] are you serious hey dan i've got a new joke for you what is it where does where does vader get all of his designers shoes where's that where's that yeah at the earth mall what the [ __ ] this is impossible no shut up yoda you joking like you there's nothing you can do man oh god don't throw the wrenches damn it okay wait check this out check this out all right i hope as many of you die as possible okay so here and here and then in and then we're good we're cool and then here oops gerard you are the suckiest [ __ ] of them all dude you figured it out though okay i do know what to do okay we can do this okay starting now we can do this what do you call aaron a bounty hunter's favorite dog uh what what's that his boba pit oh my god funny jerk it's not it's not funny it's done but do you think like the people would like actually call him out on it not being funny or are they just like he's super old just give it to him just let him do his thing just he's like 800 i think um [Music] what is a jedi's favorite candy what's that a life saver oh my god funny joke he just gets like more and more wildly intense every time oh dude i'm starting to i'm starting to lose it with this a little bit starting to lose my my golden touch okay here we go no please god please just let me get back to the place please i just want to do this let it happen do it for me okay okay don't aaron don't [Music] oh god come on god prove to me you're real by being on my side with this hey dan what's up yoda i've got a funny joke for you to hear you now here it goes i love it i love it what what do you call it when chewbacca's best friend is in a band and he has an opportunity to play the instrument on his own a han solo funny joke oh boy no no okay okay definitely kind of definitely kind of flagging slightly boy okay here we go [Music] okay and a little jump here okay okay nope nope nope nope nope that's good what i've done what is it i've got a funny joke for you that's cool would you like to hear it yeah go ahead what is a jedi's favorite italian dessert [Music] is this a gelato [Music] um i don't know obi-wan cannolis please i can't i can't i can't deal with both both of these things at once funny joke god damn it oh i'm so i'm i'm like i'm like seething with rage right now gerard gerard i'm gonna i'm there's a sternly worded email coming your way you better believe that [ __ ] oh boy i can't think of any more star wars jokes um [Music] oh uh who comes to take your car when you don't have any money max repo haha funny too [Music] that was a good one but i felt the delivery could use a little something i i can say anything slim think about her face with you saying that after a huge pause did it get there right you sure strange it sounds somehow familiar oh yeah i remember i barfed once and made that turn you never look at me till completion and oh god that would be susie's least favorite thing you could ever say uh uh i'm gonna [Laughter] [Music] [Laughter] what do you complete me to complete [Music] [Laughter] oh my god aaron handed me his phone so i could look up something and i couldn't help but notice that oh i don't know reading four of these randomly off the list these are titled big dick i love [ __ ] [ __ ] make to peepees and fart chambers just no [ __ ] context so so i wanted to pull up something that made uh and there's also eat healthy note to self fart chamber um no i was uh i was making a bruno mars joke to a friend of mine like through like text message or whatever and i needed a bruno mars image and so uh i i looked it up and the first thing that came up was i'm gonna send this to kevin was this article titled the rumor come out does bruno mars is gay i don't know does he well i i said that uh to my friend ashley she's [ __ ] good she can like hang with the best of them when it comes to like returning memes and [ __ ] so she went deeper down the rabbit hole and like read the article and sent it back to me and she was like you're going to want to read this so allow me to take the next 20 seconds to read you an excerpt of the does bruno mars is gay rumor mill yeah because i've thought the same thing myself yeah doesn't bruno mars is gay i have to know um i does this have to know bruno mars is gay is the most discussed in the media in the few years ago even it has happened in 2012 but some of the public still curious about what is exactly happening and to be the reason there is a rumor comes out about his gay oh my god i can't believe this is real dude at that time he became the massive social networking rumor the public especially his fans are shocked he just came out with his bad rumor which is spread massively this time is not about his music career but his bad rumor the rumor is out of standardize of hoax what according to the last reported this singer revealed himself as homosexual do you still believe or not this rumor is really much talked by people even in a person of his fans so i hope i hope that cleared that up for you so did he actually come out as gay i don't [ __ ] know you could glean anything from that really my god that was like is does bruno mars it does bruno mars is gay it's it's a question that will haunt me for the rest of my every day my life it was a tough decision but her parents finally decided to go ahead with the procedure ah [ __ ] i unplugged the nunchuck oh hang in there i mean i unplugged my nurse there's only one main objective for this operation have fun don't forget to give her a good review on yelp [Laughter] whenever i go to a party i don't know what the [ __ ] to say to people so i'm just like a nice coat and they're like oh thanks i got it from jc petty and i'm like uh [Laughter] do you still have trouble at parties like with like feeling awkward and [ __ ] yeah of course really well no yes and no because um the thing is like you really can't i've read a ton of books and had a lot of practice on talking to people i could [ __ ] give a lecture on how to talk to people right right um first ask them about their coat uh-huh but um and if they stop talking about their coat for any reason [ __ ] panic it's back on the menu open that book back up you want to stay on the tail of the thing a little bit longer oh okay but the the thing is like it's just i'm i'm and i want to get over this and i want to try to find a way to get over it but like it's just my personality to just be like intimidated by social situations that's interesting like i'm as confident as it can be if if you threw me in a conversation with some rando i would totally be able to talk to them what if they were mexican what if it's like a mexican random but well then i guess i'd have to learn a whole new language holy crap how's your code [Laughter] i get that every time i order a sandwich at subway what do you mean just like if there's somebody but like everything about subways is like infuriating really yeah it's like the people in front of you take too long and like there's no drive through and like it's it's just all i don't know i'm over exaggerating obviously but subways like the land of inconveniences yeah it's i mean because it's like i have to be okay and they're like what do you want and i'm like uh sweet onion chicken teriyaki foot long on flat bread and then they're like what bread and flatbread and they're like oh okay and then they they [ __ ] take and they're like did you say foot long yes i said foot long yeah and like you want cheese you already have so many like bad experiences with the place that like it becomes self-fulfilling prophecy like the second you walk in they're like hi how can i help you and you're like oh with this [ __ ] it's like you want cheese it's like yeah can i get um swiss cheese and they're like what kind and it's like [ __ ] yeah you know the kind i just said ugh and they're like toasted and it's like of course tote you can't have the flat bread and not toast it it's it's like spongy gross starchy ass [ __ ] bread it's made to be toasted wow of course i want it toasted and then they [ __ ] toast it and then they start helping the people behind you and then it sits in the toaster for like 20 seconds longer than it's supposed to whoa and you're like i just want lunch you are they [ __ ] take it out and it's like another person and then you have to [ __ ] get a read on their personality it's like god damn it and they're like what do you want and i'm like uh spinach and then they just [ __ ] destroy it with spinach just like an avalanche of spinach and you're like i want like five other things you can't just fill it up with spinach and think that's all it's gonna be wow wow and then you [ __ ] it and then you're like onion and they're like okay and they put like two onions on it and it's like more onion please [Laughter] and then when you like get some weird combination like [ __ ] could i get mayonnaise and also sweet onion sauce they finally they like throw up their eyeball eyebrows a little bit like and you're like don't [ __ ] judge me eat what i want i can make my own sandwich don't [ __ ] judge me wow next time on game room wow the cabinet is like slightly open and then they close it and then the mirror reveals the bologna man behind them stupidest [ __ ] that's the stupidest horror movie i've ever heard catch me if you can from baloney man baloney man starts friday floaty man from the makers of the bologna witch project oh nah and baloney [Laughter] h2 baloney [Laughter] ah [ __ ] oh god you won't believe your eyes or your taste buds baloney [Music] this is one sandwich that you'll want extra mayonnaise for baloney [Music] let us show you a terrible time discover the mystery meat balloony rated r starts frog wow and then there's like the [ __ ] made for tv like cinemax version like pimento loaf yeah the [ __ ] the asylum version just do what the crab says don't worry about the crap [ __ ] [ __ ] however he didn't believe it was the prophecy but i can sense that man's evil intentions i mean look at the way he slurps up his soup what an [ __ ] what character if it's after must be nothing less than the triforce of the sacred realm he must have come to hyrule to obtain it and he wants to conquer hyrule no [Applause] [Laughter] jesus this [ __ ] is crazy she keeps like looking like not at her at all he's like man that bird is far away hey listen my name's laura after 31 years of living in south arkansas i finally moved up to the big city connecticut [Laughter] [Music] i found a job at fart modeling agency where my brother gave me a job as a republican now i just like a little excitement in my life watch this fall on abc i laura schmidt star two fingers in the air when i found out that my sexual desires were a little too adventurous i decided to get a whole new lease on life but the interest rate was insane [Laughter] [Music] oh on man episode of too much bumping around starring me watch as i progressively get more and more constipated until the 13th episode [Laughter] [Music] a normal small town girl until i moved to the city now i don't know where my life is going tune in this summer on nbc's all chances [Laughter] [Music] [Laughter] oh man that [ __ ] i would like tyson i'll beat it with a song from my favorite singer brandy uh yell yelvis you ain't nothing but a house [Laughter] [Laughter] oh [Laughter] um wait where um um wait how do i is it up dog what the what the h oh there it is glasses boom is it now i can see the secret thing and get my football helmet thank you oh wow is that a dog thank you so much is that dude was there updog in there what are you talking about i don't know what up dog is what are you saying what is up dog oh god well aren't you proud of yourself oh my god that's the happiest i've ever seen you [ __ ] i have never in my life ever gotten that tour what is up dog [Laughter] [Music] oh well i hope you are proud you certainly seem to be oh next time i get game grumps later oh click it click it now oh god i love you and i love dan

Channel: GameGrumpsHighlights

Views: 920,511

Keywords: game grumps, dan avidan, arin hanson, egoraptor, highlights, best of, laughter, laughing, gamegrumps

Id: ADyvxPTDIT0

Length: 113min 37sec (6817 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 27 2021