Karl's Philosophy 3x10

ancient Greece every year 500 people would be selected from that Grecian society and they would have to sit there that year and they would propose laws and everyone else would vote on them now if you were in that position all right you're called up what rules and laws are you instigating you might go right oh I won I want inegalitarian to say I want freedom for people I don't want slavery I don't want any sort of oppression would that be a hiring list you could say you know when I were to cordon bleu it was times when I thought being treated like a slave you were right there visually today then you were three so doing that wasn't free I was unlike from Jim nine til so you have a choice to leave the job Steve didn't have a choice to leave I don't have a choice the only other choice was Tesco and they'd already throw me down no that's not that's not that what no choice it wasn't the lack of choice given to motor slaves the slaves who built the pyramids that was below that it was my baking room but I can get a better giggle the Sphinx yeah yeah just so you know you're not saying anything he's saying absolutely driven his little Greek proverb for you a society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in or I think of that do you understand yeah just saying planting a seed they grow a tree but trees take ages yeah it takes a long time yeah the old fellas not gonna get any joy out of that right but if he's lucky yeah fella next door might on the same years ago so it's all about sort of fun in the seed looking after each other that's great actually it's no I don't think it's directly allegiance it's almost the point that's good yeah I think he means that future generations but yeah if you just yet that if the next one a word done that then oh yeah that works as well that's so you seem to agree that that's a good point do you agree that seems a good point to you um but I'm sort of guessing he enjoyed garden in any way part of the enjoyment was in fun not saying it's the old metaphor proper beginning there yeah it's not specifically about trees but about as a metaphor what he enjoyed is the fact that he's added to society and human life and he's got a legacy and all that but by the same time when I went to these them fell there they have motorbikes is the flying around on land people don't want the elements you might even get three people on the low head I saw a farmer with a goat in a basket you don't care there isn't around at high speeds a lot of deaths that yeah and they'll have a lot of them them see that those areas where someone's come off being killed people put flowers there yeah and because that happens a lot it's lovely Green Island now we're we're saying well what you say that all the deaths make it nice because it's making love those loads of flowers and so with Death Comes Beauty so that's another matter for you can have that one that was one of the most notorious things I've ever that was extraordinary but look look at my was extraordinary car right cow cow well Sarah London finishes balloon feet right London councilor with his clipboard need a speed bump I saw someone doing 35 put some traffic lights there and a pedestrian crossing pelican crossing there as well and a speed camera right horrible and gray and no flowers but you still see flowers left behind where people have died in terrible accident obviously they lost is stuck to a lamppost elastic band round yeah but the point what this one 15 year old got run down and you're disappointed the quality of the flowers I'm gonna sue that fair losted idea geraniums geraniums fell off bloody aids wolf song we say gun crime so that people get shot in inner cities and then we can put flowers I've beautify the areas of the second areas nicer to lock in nice it's being if it's nice a locking um you don't get people speeding around like lunatics because the gun and I'm not in a [ __ ] quite like to slow down this is so fine with it so know what you're setting is because an area's grey and gloomy people speed together here it was closer to that they knock people flowers are for heart which makes the area beautiful thus stopping people driving reading speeds or death to longer curb and here to get other cars to other people the way to put some flowers down yeah just sometimes people after died only there was a far outside our house at Lompoc he had a helmet on was his head come on is it my ideal house he'll our postman he had a hammer time but his head off so you're saying that because in that one instance the helmet did not save his life his head was in great condition it's just not attached to his body and that's what I'm saying to you sometimes people have to die alpha how far do you take all this stuff of of you know safety gear and slowing down and wear bright clothes at night and it's just too much very important point you see do you think someone should be made to wear a crash helmet there any hurt in themselves Oh crash helmet I don't think you should get fine for not wearing one well then see we're not just protecting him he could be a father with two kids so you're going on there a Charlie let him let him get brain damage is that what you're saying I'm just saying wait we're over the top in this corner burritos I saw fiance now if you guys want to crush helmet let him not work why show me this smacks his Eddie he's a vegetable is about fun sitting at home and yet the two little kids come to you and you're in charge don't forget we put you in charge with sight here and they come to you two little kids ago President Putin what why did you let my daddy whether I'm not where the crush Alec I didn't we paid Ella pop leaflets through the door adverts on the telly so I'm showing yeah she dad's fault but why wasn't it compulsory you can see what it's not the way we live in something now I have a good time has he got an ailment at all obviously no it's talking about she's a vegetable now he didn't want to wear a question but why didn't you make him wear a crash helmet it wasn't just him it was us why did why did you tell my daddy into a vegetable it was your mum mum mum left I'm not wearing a cross no mercy nothing on the home I just think you see this is the problem everyone's looking for someone to blame yes but this is interesting though because you thought you were particularly colours to that little four-year-old boy so sweet adorable yeah but why wasn't he given this stick to his dad where's the face of all was dead that's good as dead to him dad went within the law it was not the law to wear a crash helmet anymore cuz you said forget it I don't want to know any state I don't what if you wear a crash helmet or not he wasn't a responsible parent he hadn't thought it through but this is your job some people aren't responsible society keeps them intra on track this was your you were in charge you should have made him wear a crash helmet he had two kids we've heard from one of the kids it was the other without you is he is easy yelling underneath even younger still Kristen Pilkington brothers crying now she's shouted up I wish you to make my daddy we're crash helmet why didn't you make your daddy we're crusher listen to me because I'm not Chinese listen to me I seems like a bit of an enum not to be listen to you what did you all saying people don't like we're crash helmet nice what I think this did he did it pop shoes on in the morning when he went out I didn't need to be here to talk I do that as well so he has got some common sense though all right interesting so can be bothered with his trainings waking me by the way oh god daddy Jesus why currently just put a leaflet through saying hello everyone use your common sense yeah that's all I'm asking because I think common sense an idiot ation it's not my fault that's why that's why the government if we let if we let people will they be [ __ ] it is that's what we talked about here social responsibility this is your approach I wash my hands of the whole affair yeah I don't I don't like the people who don't wear helmet sort of the doom Souls in and that's cleared them off that's one problem sorted so you think you're being Darwinian you're thinking survival of the fittest the idiots will soon but they don't because it they're not just the victims the dead person isn't the victim we've talked way before you know people who smoke know that it's dangerous well why is that still legal and yet people know that and they still smoke fat people know that they're going to get out of breath and clammy and get this delete more but because that's what I'm saying why don't we stop fat people eating if you got a smackhead and you really love him you intervene you grab him you put in a car video you're not coming out he goes mad for about here let me thanks you for it yeah so block fat people in the cupboard and just put hands under the door what the thing is there's got to be some responsibility now if it's your own fat kid stick him in your cupboard but what I'm saying is as a counselor I'm not spending taxpayers money on cupboards to put the fat kid in obviously in China can you have one child can't you is that something you feel we should bring in here uh yeah I think we would go home I don't know about one kid I just sort of concentrate on who can advocate as opposed to you know if someone's got a load of money and we've got out looking up the kids let me don't have his money she wants oh yeah but then so social engineering you want yeah but then but hold on what are you selling on if you bringing him into a poor family what's the plan what good is that for anyone it's not good for the people who've got the kids so who's deciding who's led to have how many kids are you deciding I was I bought into the poor family was no huh I was brought into a poor family no I'm talking I'm talking really so third world know what pouring that poor than no money at all I just mean right the people who I've told you about on the estate sometimes who up that one of your chase cars he was lucky they didn't care if he was there or not what's the ball so hang on so let's imagine that Ricky and I are husband and wife would come in right what's your questions to us to establish whether we were allowed to have a couple of kids oh that's what I mean my husband he we can't have children well cuz he's he's got no sperm at all they had one sperm and it was it was to predict because it was awful it just came out like a dead and Chevy right what are you meant to have three hundred million tiny ones and he had one big when it was horrible I had to pull out was like a leech and and also uh you know but I haven't got a vagina so there's no completely smooth over like election but here's is that I don't know but we've we love children and then we wonder if we become have a child what do you do for a living what do you do what you work I'm a rapist right if I dispose of the bodies all right well fill out this film should have clarified a rapist-murderer fill out the form is it in the wrong order as well I must yet say so no number of times I've disposed the body so I'm wait I just wondered what else you need to know about us we're because even though I was a little joke by the way he doesn't he doesn't write and work in the work in an office it works an office um in the town but yeah I'm at I'm a housewife that's why I'm making a little nest for when we have her we adopted or a little child we don't earn a great deal of money but we're good parents we very good care house what's what's that based on well we're good people you know I mean aside from some few naughty jokes we're god-fearing people we believe that and God is watching all of us and then we believe in in the old testament and sometimes he tells us to kill and rape yeah sometimes he does yeah we're joking again we joke a board SPSS we don't believe in God when we're from an atheist and believe that our time on earth is all we have and then when we die we become worms me all right uh fully filled out we've already we've already played the back bedroom that's ready for the little child we painted it back because some we want our child to be a Satanist joking again little joke from LG we want him to be an accountant oh yeah um gay accountant and there's too much in society where people depress it to be heterosexual so we're gonna try and make ours a homosexual right so you filled out the form full at the forum yeah although pop buying get it processed okay but what kind of questions are you in Alaska's no none really no just my job yeah happy you know I just pass the forms I'm pass the interview because that's sort of where we live in now Oh God you've obviously heard of the famous Rosa Parks incident in which she was obliged to move on the bus from where she was said to somewhere else she chose not to and she was arrested for it became very much a figurehead of the civil rights movement had you been traveling on that bus what did you do and am i far from where I'm getting off so once again you can't just nip out the next stop so you can wash around the whole affair no you're on that bus you've still got a number of stops so you've got stay on that bus you've seen this bus driver demanding that she gets up gives up that see maybe she's given up that seat for you I probably got my start standing them all what if Suzanne wasn't allowed to sit with you on buses what if what if now a law came in that women were second-class citizens and she can't come with you wouldn't you go now [ __ ] that she's sitting with me I'd say we're only going around the block we've been to the to the shopping center the only 15 minutes can you tell that back with you there's no one something actually don't know a bit crammed in up here he's more blokes on the boss I'll see you in a minute Carl let's put this too I mean obviously this is too much for your head too you're on a bus right and there's a few white people and down the driver and they're being racist to a black kid I go if I'm driving I go just stop that will you if you're gonna be racist could you go off and think stop do they know we're all more other tough day at the end of the day we just don't want to go out we've all been working I anyways Saturn's MC sit back calm down coming off surely you come surely you want to be on the side of right I'm just doing my job I'm starving a boss I'm driving a boss for 30 quid a week it and getting a load of grief I got some people I unders I think bigger than the bus rule it's not just the bus thing right just in my only you're not a bus driver all right now that's what we're talking about here but yes but Ricky's trying to make a point it's an analogy again it's about you taking some kind of responsibility that could you be using that way yeah could mean that you've got to stand up to danger or to bullies if celebration if someone's attacking Suzanne she gives Karl help you go no no because I know the full story but this is what I'm saying about Yoshi durian rose he what say I'm just saying she's sat on the boss how did he work he's hit on the boss she's that way she wanted no I'll tell you how it worked it was up to the drivers discretion to change where black people could sit depending on the number of white passengers that go on so she sat in a seat some more more what passengers get on so this bloke decides wander actually this is no longer the black section there's no back section because there's enough white people you've got stand-up and she decided no I'm not gonna get up it's my ride to me to sit on this bus as a person as a human being not weather or black or white and that was why she got arrested on a different boss on a different day it might not turned out that way that's what I'm saying it might have been you know someone else who goes get off of a loser who's been in the right mood might have been in the pub all afternoon and she's there going I'm not moving at least Eastern Opie's away with it something so she'll be stuff she said oh hell no the boys in the boat next to her yeah might have even been a black bloke he's been working out and he's like I don't want this he's difficult and if I was on there I'd wire up is this woman doing this as like a good cause or is she just a trouble cousin but she just seemed like you know I do i won now that's fine you'll always get people who do what they want and they do change the little rules along the way but I bet [ __ ] when she was doing it wasn't like a big stand up this is this is the day I'm gonna do it it's just happened since she was fed up that guys didn't want to get up lazy oh she might just go down law-breaking all the time and she's remembered now because she's made a change without boss seats when she got up that morning did she say I'm gonna do that or she been fly-tipping before she got on the boss soon she just did she just stood no no no she's not a troublemaker she's someone who already had a burgeoning interest in the civil rights I mean I really thought the Rosa Parks citizen was pretty cut-and-dry it's not the fact that Carl's managed to find a number you unit is extraordinary I love it tell me something else about Rosie pals for God's sake I don't know what she's got to do to win you around oh yeah didn't realize I had suppose it would be this difficult um it was a bit of trouble in our yard little day right between uh a wasp on a cricket thing is is there any point to this at all or you're just gonna tell us you so you can extrapolate some analogy from this uh I think so okay yeah listen I see so there's a water skier certainly that's know it sounds ya'll said so I just clarify you said it was kicking off right okay so now say your line of your window I'm in the kitchen my sink yeah I'm washing up a few plates by the kitchen doors open right she was answers oh my God look at that one is it like a what with a cricket having a wrestle never seen before right wait are you sure this wasn't Mexican television and it actually worth distorting a better stuff yeah sorry they're wrestling and I was like what stopped him then so you don't interfere with [ __ ] Rosa Parks why are you in a firm what's been a cricket because one I didn't even know Laden get on to be honest because I they they were sort of wrestling I said my arms were wet I can do anything I ought to do it with the fairwyck with you so she's she's there I say break separate so she uses a two tone flicks and flip clever good making the the wasp goes its own way a cricket sort of jumping about it but who was by either so I'm sort of saying that it's really weird cuz wasps are changing quicker than anything else that I keep me eye on okay well that's just your theory and it's not based now that's all you a couple years back saw one eating chicken the shot get it so anyway so now it causing trouble with a cricket well how'd you know it was the wasp all this is prejudice why do you think was the word sport what what what if the cricket would have started it what if the crickets got Society go we ain't wasp create their stripes we ate them if they come in fine if everyone comes down in by him how do you know it wasn't the cricket decided that well I suppose that that time I didn't but since Oh sobs on information I'm sorry because all anyone Columbo yeah so I saw all we broke it up the cricket was sort of shaking a bit it was shaking a little bit yeah so I sort of grabbing it but a little leaf over it was a hot day so police there so it doesn't get overheated I love this and luggage in the marathon it's got its own arse on the leaf so the need for no he's walking out with a little medal so Suzanne we you know we leave it for a bit leave what you said an hour but left it for half an hour what did Susan want to do she won't interfere did she sure what does she want to do just sort of like yeah she just sort said leave it stop messing with it it's probably a little bit knocked out that wicks done shortly on with their lives she said you so I put the leaf on it we go off and half an hour later get back in and I said I'm going on - where'd you go where'd you go for a walk I've been out back in have a look cricket still there noticed one of its legs go ah don't know if the wasps did that or the taxi tail flick right this is when I've got a computer now right had a look what happened is the wasp apparently does this a lot and it stings I'm in the end I love this particularly if there was a little profile of this particular was just an instant as general on between wasps and crickets all right so it's stung it in the edge and what happens is it's that whole thing that was talking about before where it lays an egg right so I was I was sort of having a look seeing if I could see any sort of holes and it said well he just kept sort of moving it's one like my handle it we've got one big leg one big leg at the back now it's not only got two that uses to jump so you were worried that crickets aren't aware of the dangers of wasps I just had a lock online and saw that oh it's a popular thing that happens it's sort of like a bit of a Morgan he said you can leave them for about half an hour they normally come round and they don't know they've had an egg put in the red but there's no way it said leave of half an hour and they come round that I've ever had but there's no way it's what you said the normally storms for about our file have you had an egg put in your right okay not reject mother it's coming out the top so anyway so I picked it up a place that under a little tree or so it's in the shade again no wasps can see it there let's just leave it mmm but you've just left that cricket to now die in agony with that maggot goes round his head and comes out a wasp and leaves the car because this is when Suzanne came up and said it wasn't moving I saw it in it you saw it it just what you want to do what you'll eat well I said what do you mean you saw in it she said are we professor I'll tell you what sorry I said sorry sorry about it she said she saw in it we went wait wait wait do you think that we're in the Mafia we're being wiretapped say what happened know what she just said she saw it and I saw what sorted walks I've forgotten about that point I was painting I had the dead cricket right what do you think she meant by saw it it well by the look on her face the way she said it I've known that the long enough so I know that she meant it's not good news yeah so what so what happened so from that I took the brunt it she means say it I stopped I've stopped it being isn't no longer in misery so what do you mean what did she do he crushed his head with a stone sequel to Tiny's head shakes down and washed it because that's where all the action isn't it so she said it was it was too cruel watching it sort of shaken about with his one leg and stuff mmm that's a killer I imagine I this vision that one day as soon as I'm just having to say to his parents so in it assorted you you

Channel: Dan Carlson

Views: 2,164,650

Keywords: Karl Pilkington, Karl, Pilkington, Idiot, Head, Like, Orange, Imagine, Best, Funny, Funniest

Id: LEkEU1BuAA4

Length: 24min 37sec (1477 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 12 2012