Karl Pilkington - Top Negotiator

I have a fascinating tale to tell you Carl I think you'll be intrigued um well I do when junkets for films in in America I was assigned up for security and well I've had security before enough security they just sort of gave me an out of the car and usually just to control some autograph hunters and things and but um this time I was given a security came in as to sue because about thirty looked white and assuming I thought it was from a security firm it turned out that he was actually LAPD who was doing this for celebrities cuz he earned more money and then um I found I had a gun he said I can't come in the airport with you if I can take my gun so he's armed so I've got a security is it every day whose OHS armed and I'm fascinated now I'm fascinated this man is walking around with me with a little earpiece talking to everyone he seems to know everyone and he's got a gun then one night he said he dropped me over though town and he said I've actually been called I've got go on a mission they need my help I said we were they said it's a hostage situation he said and I'm I'm also SWAT I was thinking what god it's just it's just a silent hero so next day goes I was it is it I was fine so I just turned up so I had to do it in masu they said because I'm the negotiator what so when oh my god and I just asked him questions from two hours what do you think of that card as a job it's amazing isn't it oh yeah I mean once you've done one now it's like any job and expose yeah once you've done one here like rest boring these no no no it's good Julia do I can you could do it do reckon you could negotiate someone out of a hostage situation well there's nothing you can do it's like it doesn't matter if it goes wrong because well it does your Bert no it's like being a vet in it not really not really cuz that's what it is I mean is your you're expected to make a little kitten women and there's loads of it cuz I was saying so well so he says I need a car my five o'clock oh I'm gonna kill someone he then makes sure that he doesn't kill anyone but you make sure that car doesn't come till quarter past five but he's not bothered is he he's about it's late he's cuz he's eighty really takes but he empathizes with these guys and he says no you've got understand no there's a fella in the house with the gun yeah he's not going anywhere fifteen minutes either side doesn't know what was he not I don't think Carl's getting out Roy said you said yeah they made the car fifty minutes late yeah he's getting his car that's not in a row he's never gonna get in the car is he he has to get in their head but to do that he says that he has to empathize with him to a certain extent he has to understand why they're doing it to talk to them go gay by the birthday now it was said anyone but he has to get their trust Carl try and talk try and talk me out you think it's that easy right I've got a hostage situation right they go there's any one person we can ask for get me karl Pilkington the police know that you're their top man and there's a guy in here he's got a gun he's got hostage okay he's just done a crime they don't know what to do okay right you turn up what's the first question to them I'm talking to you well no you gotta say it so right I think there's a saying she'll easily say where's brass all right I found out how I heard that I overheard that what's that it was something you waste inside knows that bull can't that's just turned up on the [ __ ] right where's Bruce what does it mean I heard our school on it I [ __ ] you're talking about just you [ __ ] it means I heard I had someone use it on there well [ __ ] it means it means the top person of the police are around at the moment yelling short under [ __ ] top brass here I've got [ __ ] gun against this kid's head oh the [ __ ] boat they shared where's my car okay I'll ask for a car where's my [ __ ] car much opportunity one is it usually go show up Yeah Yeah right get me a [ __ ] car ed you wanna go I'm [ __ ] sore for showing could phone through the window sore until join the phone no all right in a minute don't ever [ __ ] say no to me in a minute I said okay where the clocks going where's this fine listen listen on the road why are you putting the phone through you dopey [ __ ] you want to talk to him because I don't want to give you a phone straightaway you said you've got a delay in know that they've you've got to talk to them they should leave Adam and a phone you should make sure you've got phone you don't be [ __ ] give him a farm all right thanks all right that's a guy I'll spare hi Hey who are you by the way who you bring I can't give you any details well you can cuz I've got to trust you dopey sod are you police or just some [ __ ] [ __ ] walking by a policeman right I don't trust policemen no well I bet I of them so listen don't you tell me I'm kind of Laurium I'm gonna shoot someone unless I get a fast car I've done a robbery it's all gone wrong y'all for now but I want two cars the airport or a plane standing by you don't know me but I do this a lot all right and I can tell you that it never works out right do you know anyone who's done what you're doing and he's now living a happy life well I don't care I don't care about living anyway I don't care about living out I don't care if this goes wrong cuz I'm gonna shoot the hostage what's your problem just no but this is the to be honest with you this was my last week because I wanna bring him down to my level right what's that gonna do with it well you know I've done this job for a long time right sometimes I felt like you I think you know even though I'm on this side mm-hm you know sometimes I feel like I've had enough of this what I have it enough but I'll tell you I don't care about living or dying here so if you either get a car to the airport all bets are off I'm kidding everyone and then myself so you're you'll be a big loser now you've got a game to stand near a window you've got you've got to take him out but cuz I've got a gun to someone's head you can't burst in right you've got what come on how'd you get him to stand near a window oh but you're in there I am NOT yeah that's why I've just drawn the curtains a keep away for the window because the sun's blaziken is it's it's not too by the way from the window its songs come around the back I'll just call another lock you the lovely lovely why do you want me to stand near a window I think just because when you see how nice and evening is later Dhruva do you see keep going Christie when you see something I've heard I've heard that if you smile you feel bad so I'm a little fly away think of a happy moment in your life outside where happy moment my life would be putting a bullet through your little round edge you can keep thinking about language right and you can see that round out just come to the window I'll show you the round oh that would probably work actually yeah what what now I'm not gonna come near the window you come near the window you come near to my window let me come are you coming near the window oh yeah what delaying it I'm coming near the window well I'm gonna shoot you if you come near the window you don't be proud I thought we were getting somewhere no I'm gonna shoot your I've conned you I've negotiated you to come near the window and I'm gonna shoot you in the end you're proud well I'll just leave

Channel: Hannah

Views: 1,589,567

Keywords: Karl, pilkington, funny, hilarious, haha, episode, Humour (Literary Genre), Adventures, Human, Comedy, Killers, Brandon, These, All, Pretty, Nature, The Adventures (Musical Group), Episode (film), Live, Things, Film (film), Film (Invention), Film (band)

Id: OjMQ4oWIfn4

Length: 8min 18sec (498 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 10 2012