Kalley Heiligenthal - Quieting The Inner Critic | Teaching Moment

I have a little secret this is my first ever session for worship you and I'm so obvious with you guys you're just you're very handsome all of you I mean that and a girl and a guy kind of way so it's fine um okay so real quick they say when you speak you should build a little rapport so I'm gonna just tell you some quick things about myself and we'll jump in okay so this is me building rapport I am a firstborn pastor's kid from the Midwest okay here's the thing start to psychoanalyze now cuz every single one of those stereotypes are probably true it's about all you need to know about me okay so there's a package deal um I married a genius and he's here today you guys and er can you stand up you have a computer there he is you guys this man he is so beautiful he's so beautiful he is literally laid his life down for me to see my dreams happen he looks like Jesus a whole lot like to use this find someone like him be someone like him seriously he's amazing um so I am very happily married and I'm a pastor in the second year school of ministry if you're not thinking about doing the school of ministry yet you will and you should okay are we clear on that good good good you guys a little quiet but you'll get there I promise so today we're gonna talk about silencing the inner critic now we're under the canopy of songwriting but this applies in a lot of areas so rapport building time is over that was it and we're just gonna jump in so you guys trust me do you feel trust with me great just from that little bit cool um so we're gonna start I'm actually gonna play a song real quick just it through the back I encourage you put your notes down close your eyes and just get get in the zone okay you with me all right hit it boys I've always wanted to say that always always Cape close your eyes get in the zone we're just gonna play something real quick here [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] can you display that other one really quick - you stay in the moment you guys not to look at me stay in the moment right yeah you're getting moved [Music] [Applause] [Applause] [Music] what if these songs were never finished think about some of your favorite songs think about the ones that shaped music what if they were never completed what if the Beatles never really got to that chorus all you need is love what would we sing at hockey games if Queen didn't finish we are the champion what would we sing would Titanic have even been a movie if I will go on wasn't written wasn't finished think about these things guys hey what if the Sistine Chapel had never been completed what a van Gogh Picasso and Dali became frustrated and they quit they don't want to be misunderstood anymore okay so what if the Mona Lisa never got her smile and what if the Statue of David remained in the heart of the artist and never got out how would that change art what a Shakespeare quit when he hit writer's block what if good pyramids didn't have a peak to them and if what if the Great Wall of China wasn't so great what if you don't finish the songs inside of you what if the calling of God in you never got out of you what would the world look like how many of you guys have half written songs specifically because of discouragement insecurity doubt and fear how many of you have works of art that have been short-circuited because of inner critics yeah yeah I think some of us maybe what keeps us from finishing it what keeps us from creating from writing sure a lack of Drive can do it laziness apathy but I don't think God makes lazy people I don't think God makes apathetic people I think there's something deeper there was for me there is for me there's a resistance that was lying to me attempting with what little power it had to get me to agree with it because then it had a voice it crops up whenever we embark in something new important powerful and beautiful and by definition songwriting is that right there's this quote there's a book out right now called the war of art and it's so good Pressfield said the more scared we are of a work or calling the more sure we are that we have to do it it's so funny I was preparing for this message and there's these words echoing in my mind over and over and I'm like okay she's trying to work trying to write trying to work trying to write this is a voice worth listening to and eventually I did and it's actually just the echo of Jesus final word so remember them he's hanging on a tree bleeding out and his last words for he gives up a spirit three words it is finished see Jesus had a call and a purpose in his life he had something inside of him that was meant to get out the father placed there right I'm shaking it's just sorry you guys it's fine if you notice it's okay as I'm just a little nervous so so the father put something inside of him and his last words was I did it I finished it so I think finishing matters and I think if Jesus made a way to do it then we then we can too right okay I had such a sense preparing for this session sometimes we have good information and that's really important really really important but as I was reading I couldn't escape the feeling that the Lord actually wanted to come in and break cycles and patterns of thoughts that have been there actually identifying ones that you thought were just normal that you thought were just like normal and that everyone feels and they're just gonna stay there and maybe we'll battle them down but it's kind always gonna be there today it ends I actually feel such a sense of breakthrough that the Lord wants to release and you know how I know that is actually just to be really honest with you preparing for this message was pretty hard for me because I had a whole lot of chirping voices a whole lot of inner critics talking about this and so if my main point is important things you got to fight for then I think this session is important so I just want to let you know that because there's something in the spirit something in the air that there is to grab on to where these things get to end today you're not just gonna get good information you're not just gonna hear my story but these patterns are gonna stop okay so I'm good so before we even go on I want to ready like I don't want to just be listening here these are nice for listening but we actually want like our guts engaged okay like in so much of it so much of it is what we catch what we're watching for or waiting for so we're just gonna open up our spirits to receive on all these different levels so just pray with me real quick God we invite you to come and actually change things go we don't want to just talk about this we don't want to talk about resistance and glorify it even we want it to be done today so god we just talk about it to draw attention to say we see you and you have no power left anymore so we just engaged our spirits God we ready yourself we know that in a moment because you said it is finished it can be finished go we laid on the pride of thinking that we need to process everything for it to be good and done because some days you just get the breakthrough just cuz he gave it to you so god we just ready ourselves for breakthrough the name of Jesus okay so uh my story to be honest everybody was the first song I had ever finished I remember growing up and like hearing interviews from people I just like looked up to you so much you know writers and lyricists and they were you get interviewed and the question is always there when did you when did you first start writing it's cute what is a hair in the mouth when did you start writing and the answer is like I think I was like between three and four months and I wrote my first melody I looked up from the bottle I pushed it aside I mean this song came out and since I've written tens of thousands of songs and what it did for me is I I thought well if I was a songwriter I probably would have started a long time ago I haven't written any songs so I'm probably not qualified so no I'm not a writer and it stole from me for a long time any you guys agree with that yeah okay I don't like that that's a dumb lying voice and that's one that stops today so I think I was just really afraid to try something and fail cuz deep down I wanted it so badly and so anyway I'm in a worship set that's two hours long and we are an hour and a half in so folks I'll do the math for you I'm very good at math and that's a half hour left okay and we have no more songs to go and I would love to say that I like wrote the chorus of ever be out of this like very divine moment but actually I was like freaked out a little bit and just we have to finish this set we need there's a there's a finish line and we have to keep running until we get there and so I'm like okay something repeatable what is it what is it and this phrase pops out of my mind and there it is your appraisal really lips something like that and it did the trick it got me to the end of the set so I was thankful and I didn't think anything of it so then fast forward a couple months I'm here in school a school of ministry I'm leading a set and there's a Down moment and I kind of remember that chorus out of the blue so I start singing it and I have a friend right about here as I start singing it he looks up at me he over mouths like I don't know why I was looking at him when he's doing this um but he mouths did you write that is that a song and I'm like a little busy I'm a little busy right now but no I don't know I can we talk later but that wasn't like it that wasn't the end of that question because it kind of caught on it started to be sung a little bit and so friends would ask like hey is that yours have you written that and my answer was no no I don't write but I would worship to it cuz I was moved by it and the bridge one day just popped out pretty quickly too so then I started to freak out cuz I actually loved it and I was attached to it and I had a bit of a vision for it but I'm not a writer I don't even like saying I am a writer at the moment I thought I wasn't a writer so Bethel music had me start writing with a guy named Gabe Wilson he started coaching he's amazing started kind of coaching me and I came in with the chorus and bridge and about 12 not great attempts at a verse and Gabe simply asked me what I wanted to say and I felt immediate beautiful conviction not guilt but the kind that actually changes you and motivates you and what became clear to me that day as I didn't know I didn't know what I wanted to say it's not that I didn't have things to say it was just cloudy and compacted in my chest it wasn't processed yet and I wasn't present to who I was that day who God was to me and while I always praise Him see I had good reasons I just didn't have good words yet so then he encouraged me to begin writing not for songs not unto lyrics or for beautiful things but to find myself and then the Lord whispered to me these verses will be the canvas I paint on I'll bring healing to you through them so the chorus and the bridge were free being alert is very tricky he had a little glimmer in his eye he gave me these freebies so that I could work through some of this stuff and face down some loud voices inside me for those for those verses I had to mine out the complex emotions and experiences that I hadn't yet come to terms with or processed I had to combat lies that kept me quiet and feeling disqualified for my calling and I had to expose and turn off the soundtrack of negative thinking in the voice of the inner critic so this all sounds beautiful and romantic now but it was actually pretty in the trenches and nitty-gritty there are critical voices or insecurities I didn't even know I felt until that moment Chris valeton has this quote it's so epic ready they all are from him they all are the dogs of doom stand at the doorway of destiny how Lord of the Rings is that but the thing is it's true in those dogs barked loudly but the thing is the louder the bark the louder your voice is meant to ride over on top of it so with lungs growing strong to shout out and drown out the enemy voice it's a tell they'll sign like that when we're bullied so take heart and the words of my beloved Christine DeMarco Oh Callie you're just getting screamed at because those voices are about to die so today some voices are about to die sound good okay um so why does this one matter what we think you know which sometimes we talk about spiritual warfare and very elaborate like medieval terms have you know that I don't know maybe just never mind it's like kind of mystical the thing is most warfare happens between here and here it's what you think it's what you think about yourself what you think about God what you think about the world around you your past your present your future see they talk about visualization as um they say athletes which I am very athletic myself Thank You Jeremy was that a laugh was that I think Oh Joshua that was a laugh I'm not I'm not so excited on Ike I'm talking about this they say athletes do these visualization exercises they go out on the court they do the drills but but what they do is they actually will will practice by closing their eyes and picturing themselves ready for my dribble look at this form guys look at this form and they and they visualize them so you my warned you all they visualize themselves doing free throws and nailing it every single time and actually it shows it works it affects their play and I want to propose the way that you visualize your life and yourself affects your play too so what we think is very very very important Hebrews 10 39 says we are not those who shrink back and are destroyed but we are those who believe in our saved so today we're not shrinking back what we do is we cast down every high and lofty thing that sets itself up against the knowledge of truth guys that's fighting words that's like MMA where we take a lie and we like throw it over a knee and we cast it down right ok so that's what we're gonna do I'm gonna share with you a couple the lies along the way that I have believed in and I want you to have like that kind of warring posture we're casting down okay if this is something that you've experienced in your life we're gonna we're gonna see an end to it I'm gonna hurry hurry hurry okay first lie I can't process my feelings because they're ugly that is religion okay it's having it all together all the answers being okay polished the thing is sometimes parts of your heart are not okay sometimes they're not does the Lord not know that he searches and knows all things he's not surprised by that so why am I so afraid and the life for me came like what if someone reads this when I would journal this dumb thing I don't know if this is anyone else I would get so paralyzed because it would find out this lie that would say um your kids are gonna read this as if like my children and my children's children and my children's children's children are gonna get a hold of my journals and are gonna pour over them and are gonna say what a heathen great-grandma was can you believe they seem weirdly we think this and it limited me I didn't have a single place where I could come and bring my absolute honesty I was like a politician worried every single word would be counted against me as if I didn't have a strong defense but the thing is we have a strong defense in Jesus I just never put weight on it before so I can actually live and on my imperfection in my process because he sees me he believes in me and coz we're not done yet but he said it is finished so it will be finished in my life so all of a sudden I don't have to be afraid of my process on a page but I can I can boldly stand on what Jesus is doing in me that we're not finished yet okay and the thing is we can't do this legalistic religious perfectionistic thing because there's no beauty in it I think we're all a little tired of whitewashed tombs we're a little tired of black and white we want the streaming sweeping colors of Redemption and freedom in our art right people are waiting for it we're tired of cookie cutter and that's what religion does so let's get bold and let's let's deal with the fact that we're a mid process but we're loved there okay um another lie that I face is just a general tone of self-loathing negativity being unkind a lot of times we will talk to ourselves in a way we would never ever dream of addressing another human right we get sometimes downright abusive and actually when we create it's kind of like that can happen pretty quickly um I was in Ireland a couple years ago I was getting frustrated because I was getting a lot of words about songwriting which normally is nice until you feel like yeah but it's not happy and it's not happening and it's not happening and the Lord showed me this picture of a little three-year-old girl and and her mother and the Lord said Kelly this three-year-old girl has an heirloom tea set in her name it's fine porcelain and it's hers but but a good mother isn't gonna give her daughter that set at the age of three why cuz she doesn't know how to hold it yet right what would she do she'll get a permanent mark oh sure she'll scratch all over it she could drop it accidentally so a good mother saves it up until the daughter knows how to carry it and what he said is see Kelly I haven't given them to you yet because when you're mean to yourself it's like you pick up this fine china and you throw it against the wall so I'm not gonna give it to you cuz you don't know how to hold it but I will give you plastic but it wasn't mean it was kind you see that says kindness I'll give you this plaque this plastic to practice on it's the parable of the talents dressed up like blue and white China but it's all the same what are you stewarding now how are you carrying what you already have and if you do it with kindness it makes a way for the prophetic words to come to pass in your life yeah cool awesome another live real quick I'm cliche this one grates on me because it's not actually an accusation against us it's against God as our maker right that he makes something that's cliche here's the thing if you are being honest if you're owning where you're at and if you're speaking from your current heart it is impossible for you to be cliche right god only custom creates he never mass produces from a factory line so I'm sick of that we're not gonna talk about the Lord like that you by nature create you by nature are profound okay so god I'm so sorry four times I think that I'm cliche and I'm sorry for agreeing with that cool another I'm just running through these so fast guys another lie is the pressure I hate this one too Oh pressure you're running out of time the artists clock is ticking it's getting louder every second your deadline is fast approaching the dumb one I've had to deal with there's not female worship leaders that are that old Kelly oh here's the thing who set a date to artistic relevance I'm calling its bluff I'm over it it's anxiety dress up like a clock have you ever stopped to think that ticking that motivation you might think it's ambition but what's the fruit are you enjoying your life when you get it are you satisfied because if not it is anxiety and it's stealing from you right so what if the metronome of writing wasn't set to anxiety but the pace of heaven where my best days are ahead of me always always always always so I don't have to rush to check off that bullet point or whatever to prove something about Who I am because this is done at a perfect pace right he knows the timing of my life and it's always right okay the lie that no one cares what I have to think or say we need to look higher because he has things to say about you and when you hear what he has to say it just drones out the rest of it people's opinions start to mean less and less and less when you know how obsessed he is with what you create the lie I don't have what it takes who qualified you your talent your ability your writing you were not your own idea you are God's idea he qualifies you and he takes ownership of it it's the same God who took a stuttering slurred Moses to confront the political power of the day and bring deliverance to an entire nation he is the one who qualifies you it's the same God who qualified a cowering Gideon and it's the same God who qualified the leading intellectual thinker of the day who persecuted the church with a radical life transformation he was the one who said his impeccable religious resume was nothing compared to the gospel of Jesus because Jesus qualifies us one lie it's not worth it it's fun discouragement vision lessness and hopelessness get at you and this can result in losing this and apathy the thing is you're actually meant to work you know that we were given a garden to tend to before the serpent was there and started talking and we gave in to it right were meant to Co labor with God we just need a vision for why so once my husband and I we were Soren and we were invited to go to a vineyard which was great it was during harvest time and I'm out there and not even three minutes and the Lord starts to talk to me and I'm living a parable and what he tells me is Kelly we talked about harvest we talked about the finished product we talked about these like grand exploits we're gonna do as if it's like we like lay on this plush red velvet cushion and we just lift our chins and then wine or fruit juice or grape juice is just pour it down your throat right we talked about harvest being like that harvest you go out in the field but it's ripe and it's ready and there's a joy in it he wants to co labor with you so he's not just gonna rip songs out of you right you work with him you get it out because we're meant to work we're meant to tend to garden and maybe the garden is right here right so these are some voices that I've heard in my process do any of these relate to you guys yeah here's the thing there's a lot I'm sure I'm not hitting a great rule of thumb is to identify think carefully about the voices that talk to you really carefully the thing is so john 10 i love it it talks about i'm the shepherd and my sheep hear my voice that means you hear his voice you can hear his voice so all of a sudden we get to discern a foreign voice of bullying voice from the voice of the father and all you do is you come at it and you say god what lie am i believing we say around here if not every part of your life is glimmering with hope listening with hope you're believing a lie right and so how do we begin to identify if it's a lie if it rushes you if it gives you anxiety if it makes you want to quit if the general feelings are downcast from than I think I am or not whatever all that kind of stuff it's not the father his voice has only ever kind it's only ever tender he only ever believes in you and that's the truth that's what he sounds like so get to know his voice and it's pretty clear when these voices come and start talking that they're not him and then you wage war because he said it's finished he said these voices get to be done and so they get to be done right we need the strongest word over our life the underpinning of our creativity to be the spinning laughter filled confident voice of the Father and we need the pace of our life to be set to heavens metronome the lull of his voice and the tone of his word over your life I had a really strong sense that there were like there were dreams there were callings there were things in us that have gone dormant and quiet because we've had critics talking at it for so long can any of you guys relate to that yeah we just want to reawaken those right we want to colabor with God we want it we want to see what he's set inside of us happen right and so with the theme you know the theme of this worship you has come alive and for some of you coming alive might look like looking head-on at what you're a made to do and saying okay I want to stop listening to voices that keep me from it I want to start honoring it I'm gonna start treating it with kindness I want to foster it and I'm gonna get after it again yeah how many of you guys relate to that I'm gonna have you yeah okay we just have a little bit longer I just want to pray um I want to pray into some of this stuff how are you guys doing good I just threw a ton at you real fast um but I really really trust the Holy Spirit's ability to go in and do his job so actually I just think there's so much to when work active participants with with what God's doing so if if any of these lies or if this dream thing actually if any of the lies stood out to you that felt relatable it felt like yeah I hear that and I maybe didn't know whether I didn't know it but I wanted to end today why don't you just stand real quick okay I'm gonna I'm gonna pray real quick so God in a moment this can change father we repent for listening to lies we repent for leaning in and giving it our ear and giving it our power God would you come and turn the volume down on these lies in the name of Jesus we break their power we just sever those voice boxes and we say they can speak no longer in the name of Jesus and God would you come now and would you start to speak God would you minister in these places even as you fall asleep God would you come and minister at night the truths the deep truths that needs to be there of what you say of the truth God the reality of how you view things how you view them God so we just say it's done in the name of Jesus we believe it can be that simple we borrow your words and we say it is finished today in the name of Jesus whatever that lie is it is finished so what I want you to do is identify the lie that you've been believing and actually say it out loud and then say I break agreement it is finished in the name of Jesus can you do that so just say it out loud you're all gonna do it so you're fine did you say yeah so stay with me it is finished one work guys was just one more time remember this is MMA we cast it down right it is finished it's done it's done it's done right yeah okay and then for those of you who've had dreams that need to be reawakened why don't you stand up as well if there's anybody who's not so just real quickly God we say you can let them bubble up again callings come call again come call to us we will answer we're not gonna shut you down and we're not gonna let voices bully any longer we will cherish them go we're gonna cherish the porcelain that you've given to us we won't we won't throw it against the wall we will handle very very very carefully the things that you've entrusted to us thanks God so God may this be a breeding ground what's inside our chest via a breeding ground for dreams to come true and for work to be finished God thinks that we get to colabor with you thinks that harvest is fun and we get to be partakers and what you're doing on the earth in Jesus name Amen

Channel: WorshipU by Bethel Music

Views: 63,581

Keywords: worshipu, bethel music, worship u, worship school, bethel, bethel worship, bethel church, jenn johnson, brian johnson, bethel music worship, worshipu on campus, holy spirit, bethel redding, worship team tips, worship leading tips, bssm, kalley heiligenthal, worship, worship music, bethel church worship, bethel sermons, how to lead worship, critic, leadership, sermon, worship leader, worship leading, worship training, inner critic, kalley, female preacher, woman preacher

Id: 6XnQ5CCmgj4

Length: 30min 48sec (1848 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 03 2019