Engaging Hope in Seasons of Disappointment - Melissa Helser

I heard that babe I'm a BAE whistled at me you like my California Cup everyone good so I'm gonna go ahead and just warn you that I'm I'm a clear mess right now I could burst into tears at any point but I'm not afraid of that if you're fine I've come to love my emotion yeah who worship mess me up and then bill mess me up a little bit more and then I told the Lord anywhere so he said God I don't know if I'm ready to speak this message and he said oh you're ready a couple years ago I had an encounter in England I was staying in this tiny little cottage in the hills of southern England and I woke up at 5:00 in the morning feeling a heavy presence in the the top of this tiny little cottage and I I knew it was God and it scared me I never felt him that strong before and and I closed my eyes and I felt the presence come over me and if it was so heavy I feel like I was being pushed into the bed and I don't remember if the Lord started speaking to me I don't remember what what he said but I somehow reached grabbed my phone and typed in everything he said to me I woke up the next morning I was like did that happen like that didn't happen and then I grabbed my phone I'm like oh yeah it totally happened this were the Lord he said a lot of stuff to me for the for the country of England first thing he says disappointment has clogged the wells and he went on to say a lot of other stuff with that the one thing he ended with he said Melissa the power I've I've given you is the power of your testimony he said but the authority I've given you is that you've made a choice to reject disappointment the power of giving is the power of your testimony but the authority I've given you is that you've made a choice to reject disappointment I talk a lot about the love of the Father I share my testimony every once in a while I don't never really taught on finding hope and disappointment and I was I was sitting during worship thinking God is this message gonna cost me he said no it's gonna release you I said okay I'll do it in what I want to do today is I want to give you permission to be fully in touch with your heart I'm a heart specialist and I love hard and I speak hard and I fight hard for people and I want more than anything for you to leave this worship school and be totally in touch with your heart I want to give you permission today to fully feel to fully understand the power of lament and grief without losing hope guys this is what I'm confident of I'm confident that he loves us so much he became us I'm confident that he loves us so much that he became us he took on our flesh and bone and he fully embodied our humanity and he showed us what it was like to live a life fully connected to the Father to feel the full range of emotion anger joy sorrow lament but to not lose hope you understand I I want to impart into you in this next tiny little bit the the understanding that is so important that you become obsessed with what the father's really liked what the nature of Jesus was really like in in the nature of the Holy Spirit so that when you hit hard moments you will know where to go see if you don't know what the Lord is really like if you don't know that Jesus walked through all of it but he didn't just take it he actually felt it so if you don't understand the kindness of God the the extravagant generosity of a father to send his son to embody our humanity so that we would not feel alone you know you won't know where to go when you hit those moments do you understand how many of you have come to a moment where you've been like super disappointed even if it's not like a heavy thing you didn't get picked for the worship team and you're driving home and you're like feeling so disappointed but but instead of just knowing what to do with that disappointment you tell yourself don't be disappointed he's good it's okay bless you how many of you have moments of anger air or just total intense trauma and and instead of knowing what to do in the fullness of that emotion you actually just tell yourself stop feeling that way god is good stop feeling that way God is good and then the shame that comes because you actually feel something is way more destructive than the emotion itself so the shame kicks in it says if you really love God you would not be disappointed at him if you really loved your leaders you would not be angry at them right now and then the shame just starts weighing you down and pretty soon this shame has caused way more chaos than the initial disappointment anybody ever been there why are we so afraid of our emotions I I believe that to see the fullness of what God wants to do on the earth we have to become intimately aware of what's actually in our own hearts because see he actually lives there so I believe that I look around I we travel the world I look around I see I see a generation losing God because they're losing their own heart I see a generation walking away from God because they actually have walked away from their own heart they don't know how to process disappointment they don't know how to process pain abuse they don't know how to properly grieve before the Lord because they think either I'm gonna grieve or I'm gonna believe that God is good that's not the case so they think it's got to be one or the other and then okay they might start crying and like really come before the Lord and then this such shame comes you don't believe that God's good you're not crazy I hate the enemy I get very very upset about things like that if our hearts are the container where God lives it's it's you think it's kind of important that we actually know how to tend it cultivate it how do not lose it how do not let it get numb so you don't want to lose the very thing that has the answer you understand you don't want to lose the very thing that has the answer put your hand of your heart say I don't want to lose the very thing that has the answer oh god help us I've lived through twenty years of pretty a lot of tension with disappointment I was diagnosed with a disease at 17 a bone disease and then I was radically healed and it came back and the first you know seven years of my 20s first seven years of my marriage me and John I got married really young I was desperately trying to get back when I thought I lost so radically healed at seventeen I gave me a year and a half to live I was radically healed and then a couple years later it came back with a vengeance and I I spent so much time wrestling with this this thing like what is the father really like I talked to us a little bit yesterday like the father's nature what does he really like and I spent so much of that time feeling so disappointed but actually just beating my chest in my mind and saying stop feeling disappointed you know god is good you're a leader pull yourself together you know the problem was I was disappointed I was disappointed see being disappointed is not the problem staying disappointment disappointed is the problem so being angry is not the problem staying angry is the problem okay and in that time I I wanted God to come and I wanted him to heal my body again like he did before but he actually wanted to come and heal my heart I remember the moment that I remember in the moment the Lord came to me in 2006 and he um he asked me most away you grieve your disappointment and as a 20 you know how old was I 27 had grown up in a Christian home and in Cara's mania I I didn't really know how to grieve because I thought to grieve was to say I didn't really trust the Lord and I remember the moment God came to me and he said I want you to grieve your disappointment and I was so scared and I sat down at our piano in our house and I I didn't really even know how to play the piano I just thought if I maybe if some music would help and for the first time in my life I began to grieve and I began to weep and I look like now and I was like wow I was actually entering to a moment of lament lament actually means to wail to weep to moan to cry to solve to beat your chest in that moment I poured my heart and soul out before the Lord and and I I wept harder than and ever wept in my whole life and in that eye I had an encounter with Jesus and I saw myself at the Pool of Bethesda and I was waiting for for the angel to come you know such a crazy story they just sit there and wait angel comes stirs the waters first one and gets healed the angel leaves you know it's wild and I was waiting there and and I and I felt Jesus walk up behind me and I could you know when you're in dreams you can see yourself and I could see Jesus looking at me and in the dream I knew that he was proud of me for waiting patiently and I saw the Lord walk up he kneeled down he got right in my hair and he said Melissa it's time to leave this place see the moment of me pulling the plug on the wells of disappointment actually opened up my mind and heart to encounter what he was really trying to do in mark 14 it's such a stunning chapter there's three things that happen Jesus is anointed on his head he has his last meal with his best friends and then he goes into the garden and I just want to read they came to an area called Gethsemane oh you're so sweet thank you jesus told his disciples sit here while I pray he took Peter James and John with him he plunged into a sinkhole of dreadful agony he told them I feel bad enough right now to die stay here and keep watch with me going a little ahead he fell to the ground and prayed for a way out jesus prayed for a way out papa father anything is possible for you get me out of this Jesus the Son of God who knew exactly what he came to do at the moment of sitting with his his best friends and he knows one of us gonna betray him I mean Jesus felt the full measure of betrayal you think he didn't break his heart it broke his heart in out of that place he walked straight in with his best friends he took three don't I love the anthem moment of the peak of lament in the heart of the Son of God he didn't want to go alone he took his three friends come and keep watch with me I love that the Son of God deals down in a garden and he's he's overwhelmed to the point of death he is in a full-on posture of lament Jesus he didn't say oh I got this come to conquer sin hell death in the grave I got this no worries no he he actually felt the full weight of what was coming and he gave us in that moment he gave us full permission to fall on our face guys jesus said father anything is possible for you there has to be another way so he left in that moment of sweating blood that he could probably smell the fragrance of Mary's worship they had just been poured on his head his friends he gets up and he goes back to his friends his boys in their sleep and he's like could you not just keep watch I mean guys I want you to you need to understand Jesus was a human being he felt the full weight of disappointment like couldn't you just stay awake with me I mean you know they were probably oh we're cool okay in mark he says you need to be careful right he says Simon you went to sleep on me can't you stick with me a single hour stay alert being prayer so you don't enter the danger zone without even knowing it don't be naive part of he was eager ready for anything but another part of you is lazy as a dog sleeping by a fire you feel the emotion in Jesus like come on can't you see that I'm in pain he goes back he prays the same thing again fathers there's any other way goes back our later friends back asleep it Marcus says that they didn't know what to say and he just turned around and went back guys I want to give you permission your heart is really important and it's really important that you not lose it I believe that Jesus was had the ability to go to the garden and talk to his father like that because he knew his father so if you don't know what the father's like you won't feel permission to actually enter into those moments Jesus was fully connected to father he knew exactly what he came to do and he could still go is fall on his face one two three times and say there has to be another way there has to be another way don't you feel liberated you should feel fully liberated the Father loves your emotion do you know why I believe that Jesus was able to feel the full weight of all human emotion but not sin because he never let it separate him from his father Jesus never let the weight of betrayal separate him from his father cuz he said what are you praying in the garden he prays God if there's any other way father there's got to be another way but not my will your will he was so fully connected to the Father but he could talk openly with exactly what he was feeling father there's got to be another way there's got to be another way but not what I want what you want that's not wishy-washy Jesus that's strong confident rooted Jesus I can go and I can be in a full place of sorrow and I can process with my father do you think the father came and said now Jesus we talked about this before you came remember now what you came to do now I believe the father got on his hands and knees and wept with his son I wish there was an other way guys Jesus modeled complete trust I believe that trust is born at the meeting place of true vulnerability in the heart of the Father when you get real with your own heart and you process second Thessalonians says do not grieve as the world grieves who has no hope see it's a big difference when you know who your father is and you actually believe fully and who he is you can fully go to those places of full of motion isn't that amazing I remember that moment when I fully pulled the plug on the overwhelming paralyzing disappointment in my world and it began to drain out and for the first time I felt fully alive for the first time I felt my heart literally beating inside my chest now in that moment I made two decisions one I'm never losing my heart again and two I have to know this kind father it was in that that moment honestly where I started writing music I remember the first time I sat in a car with Jen Johnson and she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said when I heard explode my soul I I felt the pain of your season but you had not lost hope and I say that's the greatest compliment I've ever been given coz that's exactly what happened because I began to actually let my heart fully feel in the presence of a good father a song woke up in me I love what bill said don't sing sad depressing songs and teach people to sing him if your song doesn't have hope in it don't teach someone else to sing it guys we have to learn to know ourselves I believe that the road to maturity is not only to know God but to know yourself Augustine wrote how can we draw close to God when we are far from our own self grant Lord that I may know myself that I may know you put your hand on your heart say I'm not gonna lose you I believe that the father is sending beautiful invitations right now I believe that some of you guys are so out of touch with the way your heart actually feels and your your beating your chest and your smacking your head you're saying pull yourself together that's behavioral management don't do that you need to learn how to get before the Lord I love what bill said like I pray honest prayers but I never accused God guys when you know who he really is you feel the full freedom to be fully honest it's so beautiful I'm honest with the Lord every day I loved it now I feel the freedom I all have most we were on vacation just a month ago I'm just a couple of days and I could feel this you know when you feel that like you're on the verge of crying like at any second you're like making eggs and like I'm about to start crying what's wrong with me you know and I the kids I'm tying the shoes and I'm about to start crying mommy are you okay totally I'm totally fine you know put your stuff together pull yourself together and we walk down to the beach and and we were riding bikes on the shore at sunset it was stunning and and and I I was on the bike and my kids let me have a turn and and and I felt the Holy Spirit say take a ride with me and I'm like what do you mean like far away and he's like yeah take a ride with me you haven't cried in a while take a ride and there was nothing profound a process he just wanted to pull the plug and let all of the emotion drain and I I literally I mean it was slightly epic I was on a bike riding into the sunset on the beach there's North Carolina balling my everliving eyes out the children couldn't see me neither Kajaani and I rode and I wept and it wasn't about processing it was about me feeling the freedom to cry openly before the Lord and not think another thing about it you know what I hate I hate when people feel emotion like I feel like I'm gonna start crying I mean I'm totally fine it's not totally fine and I'm like just cry I've taught my children they have full permission to feel when I decided I'm not gonna lose my heart I decided I'm not gonna lose my heart in every single area of my life as a mother as a wife as a friend when people become my friend I fight hard I fight for their heart to the death that moment I'm so thankful for the suffering that I've walked through guys I am that's not a trite thing hear me I don't say things like that unless I mean him it has brought me into an understanding of the true faith of the Father like nothing else could I'm still in the tension today when when Ben started praying for people to be healed raise your hand and I'm like okay here we are even that moment I have to push reject disappointment I reject disappointment I reject disappointment I reject disappointment and I fully stand there one of the most beautiful moments man I love giving my kids permission to feel when my son was 12 he every other week he would cry and say mommy I don't want to get I don't want to grow up I don't want to grow up this is so strange The Fixer that I am I'm like holy spirit give me something give me something what do I say what do I say after about a month he said you don't say anything he loved his childhood the proper response is to grieve it don't say anything please we had another moment where my our beautiful dot our beautiful little Labradoodle Bella this is a sad story it's gonna be okay our beautiful dog Bella passed away and I'll never forget it and I we walked we brought the children to the house to the our front yard and and cadence said what's wrong and I'm like buddy and he just blurted out it's Bella isn't it Mike yes he ran to her she was wrapped in a blanket and he pulled back the blanket and he got us he hasn't even he put his hands on it on his dog and he began to cry out at the top of his lungs God if you're a loving father to my dog ten minutes Haven my daughter is weeping I'm weeping he's screaming good if you're a loving father put breath back into my dog and I'm you know as a as a proper response God what do I do you do nothing the proper response is to grieve do not rob him of this moment ten minutes went by he sat up he went he sat down he said God has a plan let's bury the dog I want you to stand up once you put your hand on your heart I know just want you to beat beat your heart a little bit hey I'm not gonna lose you I'm not gonna lose you I'm not gonna lose you I'm not gonna lose you I'm not gonna lose you I'm not gonna lose you I'm not gonna lose you I'm not gonna lose you I'm not gonna lose you [Music] connect us God to the container of where you are to connect us God to the container of where you live forgive us God for numbing our own hearts forgive us God for engaging shame for actually feeling things we shed the shame right now we enter fully into the the truth that you carried every emotion and that you want to meet us in the place of our hearts God we asked I ask right now that you would give permission across this room for people to fully feel and not lose hope God I asked for encounters in the next season face-to-face encounters with a loving father God I ask that every person in this room would feel in though the invitation that they're being sent by the father we love you God we want to be awake for this life we want to be awake amen you [Applause]

Channel: Yoni Bramnick

Views: 262,198

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Id: 4a_WBNFN4lM

Length: 31min 25sec (1885 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 31 2017