How to Restore Relationships | Joyce Meyer

you well hi and thank you so much for joining us on this live webcast where Joyce is going to answer your questions about restoring relationships and Joyce this is always such a fun time we love to be able to ask you questions and see what God's Word says about it in your own personal experience and which I have plenty you've got a lot we all do in relationship areas one thing I've learned about relationships is people are everywhere and we don't always know what to do with them but we can't do without them and there's so much to learn on the subject of how to get along with people and I was thinking about we're going to talk today about restoring relationships but let's also talk about how to have good enough relationships that we don't have to get to the point where they need to be good point restored yeah so whether it's just how to keep relationships strong or how to strengthen some that maybe aren't going as well as you would like or to restore some of those well I think in particular to learn I think one of the biggest problems we have ginger is we until we learn we don't seem to know how to get along with people that are not like us and there's lots of reasons for that which we'll talk about but that was probably one of my biggest problems in my earlier life somehow I thought everybody should think like me and like what I liked and want what I wanted and of course I know now the basis of that was just foolish pride but you really can never get along with people if you don't learn how to broaden your circle of inclusion and learn that God has on purpose created us all differently and we have to learn to respect and honor and value the differences in people and that's not always as easy as we would like to think it would be no it's not but you were just saying that really the Bible is is a book about relationships what it is you know one of my favorite scriptures and I hope everybody else is too is Matthew 23 they were asking Jesus what is the most important commandment the most important commandment you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart soul mind and strength the second commandment is like it equal to it you shall love your neighbor as you love yourself and it just occurred to me a few years ago that really the Bible's about relationships it's about our relationship with God his relationship with us the relationship of the Trinity Father Son and Holy Ghost in the unity in that relationship it's about our relationship with other people but I think a lot of what people miss sometimes is the Bible teaches a lot about our relationship with ourselves right and I have found over the years and I really firmly believe this that much of the reason why we have difficulty getting along with other people is because way down deep inside we're at a war with ourselves and if you don't like yourself if you don't get along with yourself you're not going to get along with other people that's a really important place to start well right now you can go ahead and begin submitting your questions because in just a few minutes Joyce will begin answering them and while you're doing that let's take a look together at this funny situation that occurred in Dave and Joyce's relationship we open a new safety deposit box and we want to put a couple of our kids on it and so Dave and my one son-in-law was on it and so my son-in-law says to me well I have one key and dad's got the other key and so you're going to have to find his key so when you when you take it to get the other two kids on there and I didn't have my name on there yet that you know they'll you'll be able to get into it and do whatever you need to do so I went to Dave and said where's the key to the safety deposit box I don't know I said what do you mean you don't know you got the other key he says I don't know I said well Steve said he gave it to you you got one when you went to the bank where's that I don't know so for three days I'm like find the key look for the key where is the key find the key so he finally starts searching everything could not find the key anywhere anywhere anyway okay so for two days I'm thinking well I bet if it would have been in the key to your golf bag you'd know where it was okay so we couldn't find the key couldn't find the key so I told my son-in-law okay find out you know we can get other keys they said oh no we only give out two keys you want a new key you got to drill the lock out of the box it's going to cost you $200 to get a new lock and get new key so I go back to him it is going to cost $200 for us to drill this out and I said you know this happened once before the last time we had a safety deposit box you also lost the key and we had to drill the lock out and we could not find it you should have kept up with that key so I'm going upstairs one morning and I thought I wonder if I have that key Oh haha i sat there as long as I could set this is my story I'm sitting at the breakfast table with her and she says did you find that key have you looked for the key yet in different places and I said I haven't looked at the office yet I'm gonna look at the office and so she got it from the breakfast table and as she was leaving the table this thought came to me what if she's got the key now that is the Holy Ghost I knew it immediately that's the Holy Ghost oh yeah you got a word of knowledge and she was going upstairs to her office the same thought came to her you know I better check my my in my closet just to see and she goes in her closet she comes out of her closet holding this key dangling it of course I recognized it right away and she says is this the key she had egg all over her face no he has not let me forget it I said you know same same piece by how sad it isn't hey not only does she find that key but then then she goes back and finds the other key she had she had she went out on and not only have a gan her face she was buried in a and I was so thankful I said Lord thank you that'll take care of that'll take care of me for a couple years that's so amusing just you know we all have those situations in our lives where we're so sure that we're right where we know what is how oh my gosh but yeah something different actually is going on one of the greatest things that I had to learn that helped me was no matter how much I think I'm right I could be wrong I'm telling you I knew that he lost those keys I knew it and here I had it all the time yeah well you know they're they're funny stories when you tell them after the fact oh yeah not too funny when in happening they can't put a little stress on relationships when these things happen you know one of the things I think we have to realize in relationships is we have to really be careful what it is we're making a big deal out of huh you know so often we make such a big deal out of things that really in the long run doesn't really make that much difference anyway and I realize now in my younger years how petty I was and and how I would make such a big ordeal a lot of things that didn't even really matter that much at all right and how I've learned not to do that and how much more piece that brings me in relationships yeah and those little nuggets that God allows us to learn can really change that's right our hearts and our relationships so much well the questions are flying in all right so let's answer them so we start here's one this is coming from Susan of Crowley Louisiana okay since how do I restore a relationship in which the other party won't admit that there's been any wrong how do I forgive when the other person won't admit that they've hurt me well first of all when we forgive someone we're not even really doing it for them we're doing it for ourselves and I think that's a huge lesson that we have to learn actually I have a book that's coming out next spring called do yourself a favor and forgive I think for years we think well why should I forgive you you're not even sorry or why should I forgive you you don't even deserve it you won't even admit you've done anything wrong but really the forgiveness is for me it's from my relationship with God and it's for the peace in my heart and then as far as restoring a relationship I mean obviously you do have to have two people that want the relationship to work I mean if there's only one that wants it to work and the other one who just absolutely doesn't care true then restoration is going to be difficult but sometimes you do have to do your part of what's right for a long long long time before you ever get a right response and you know that was silly of us yeah that was so well it was just very important for me to learn that I don't necessarily do what's right always to get a right response I do what's right because of my love for God and because he wants me to and the Bible says in Galatians 6 be not weary in well-doing and due season you shall reap if you faint not so a lot of it is about that individuals level of maturity who really wants the restoration and I always like to say the person who is the most mature is the one that's going to apologize first and they're going to be the one that doesn't really care that much who's right or wrong they value peace above everything else now I'm not suggesting that we just cave into everybody else's whims in order to keep peace sometimes that's not right either you have to stand up against what's wrong but we have to kind of choose our battles and realize is this important enough to make that kind of an ordeal out of it mm-hmm well here's a question that kind of goes along those lines a little bit this is from Kathleen in Connecticut she says my husband and I are divorcing due to his many years of drug addiction he's lived in and out of recovery for quite a while and our 16 year old daughter wants nothing to do with him but is there a way because that father-daughter relationship is so important then I can help their relationship to be restored well I think one of the things that that a mother our Father has to do in a situation like this as always make sure that you're careful how you talk about the person like this mother needs to be very careful how she talks about the father obviously the daughters angry probably she has a lot of reasons to be angry teach her the importance of forgiveness for her own sake teach her that only God can change that man and also teach her that even though he's made her very miserable he's been much more miserable himself I think anytime you see someone that's that's addicted and I don't mean that they don't have a responsibility because I believe that they do but as far as relationship is concerned we can't change people and we're not going to have to answer for those people so our answer always is to love not to just let people walk all over you and just continue to just hurt you over and over and over again but if the father wants any kind of relationship it would be very valuable for the daughter to try to maintain one because she might be the only hope that he would ever have of perhaps coming to Christ I had that my relationship with my own father you know for years and years he after abusing me he didn't admit it for 40 years he never said I'm sorry he never said I did anything wrong and if you would have stuck in that waiting for him to do something yeah you wouldn't be where you are to so we began to love him and help provide for him in his old age and it wasn't anything that was really thrilling to me emotionally but I knew it was something God was asking me to do and as a result of that and it took it took years of doing it not days years he finally accepted Christ as his Savior was baptized and I saw real change in him the last two or three years that he was alive yeah so so it's worth it when we wait and let God do and I just want to say this again because I feel like there's some people that need to hear it if you're going to be a mature Christian then you're probably going to be the one that's always going to have to take the first step and you may have to you may have to do what's right a long time before you get a right result don't do what's right just to get a right result do what's right because it's right and because it pleases God and let God take care of the results all right here's another question from Carolyn Carolyn asks do you move forward after the Trust has been destroyed by lies and infidelity well I think that's obviously a very difficult situation I don't know that it's possible apart from God you know I had been very badly hurt by men in my life my father my first husband different men betrayal rejection infidelity all kinds of stuff well then when I married Dave who really wasn't the problem I was taking it out on him because I was treating him as if he were these other people and I remember saying to the Lord one day in my prayer time how can you ask me to trust him I've been so hurt by men how can you ask me to trust him and I remember what the Lord put my heart so strongly was I'm not really asking you to trust him I'm asking you to trust me and I can't promise the woman who sent in this question that should never get hurt again nobody can really promise anybody that yeah because people are people and they do have faults and failures but if she wants to give him another chance if he's asking for another chance and she believes that that's what she's supposed to do which i think is always the best route to go restoration is always better than giving up if she's willing to do that then she almost has to go into it thinking well you know I'm going to be mature enough to realize that I could get hurt again but God is big enough to heal me if I do and at least then she's going to have the satisfaction of knowing that she did everything that she possibly could to make it right yeah knowing that that it really is God where we're putting our faith right and and not in any other person right you have to put your faith in God that he can handle the people and we know that people have a free will and they can resist God you know there's any time that I'm believing God for something involving another person I've come to the point of understanding that he's not going to force them to do what's right but me putting my trust in him does guarantee that he's going to take care of me yeah and so no matter how often we get hurt God is always there to heal us alright well here is a question from Nicole from the UK she says my husband and I had a terrible falling out with my father I forgive him but my husband refuses to so how can I encourage my husband to stop holding a grudge and to restore that relationship well I think some of the things that I've already been saying apply here that number one you have to understand that when you forgive your doing you're doing yourself a bigger favor than you are anyone else so sharing that with her husband sharing that with our husband that you're only hurting yourself and you're hindering your own relationship with God you know we can't we just can't forget that what we call the Lord's Prayer says Father forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us so if the husband is a believer in Christ and he wants to have that right relationship with God through Christ then he absolutely cannot hold unforgiveness against anyone and expect God to forgive him if he's not a believer then it may be harder for him to understand that principle anytime that we can't convince someone of something after trying once or twice we need to just realize that God is the one who can change it and it always amazes me say well I guess there's nothing left to do but just pray like that's not going to do a lot like that's you know I've done everything else I can do now we'll just see if God can do something when really we should pray first so if she's not being able to convince her husband she needs to stop wasting her time and just pray and let God do the convincing somebody said the other day well you know I guess we'll just have to trust God you know and it's it's gotten to be amusing to me it's like not like well I guess we just have to trust God we get to trust God it's a privilege to be able to go to God with all of our situations and say god this is more than I can handle but it's not more than you can handle yeah yeah good point you're pretty good at this Joyce oh thank you just let me throw that out there you here's a question from Ontario Canada this is from Julie and Julie asked I lost my dearest friend last fall and I'm having trouble making new friends I'm 47 and it's tough it's not like you can just pick up a new best buddy but I'm measuring my old acquaintances to my late best friend and so relationships aren't going well so how do I stop doing that well before you ever told me that that was going to be my answer the first thing that she has to do is not compare new people to that other person because we're all different yeah she has to be able to let go of what lies behind not that you don't remember the friend but I'm always struck by what the Bible says about how long are you going to mourn over Saul god said to the prophet Samuel how long are you going to mourn over Saul I've anointed a new king well I believe that God has chosen and anointed new friends for her but she can't put the pressure on them of being like somebody else otherwise she's always going to be disappointed and I think I would just throw my heart wide open to God and not try to choose my own friends you know I made that mistake for a long time I think well I want to be friends with them or I want to be friends with them and then it would just end up not working out or I would get devastated and really get hurt in the long run and I finally said to say god I have no idea who you want me to be really good friends with you pick them you choose them and in the meantime you're going to be my number one friend and I think the more we mature in our walk with God ginger the more we realize that that to be very careful about this my best friend my best buddy thing you know maybe God just wants us to love everybody and to and I know some people we adapt to some people more than others and you know I get all that and I totally understand all that but I think sometimes if we have our one or two best buddies then we have a tendency to exclude other people and I really think we need to broaden our circle of inclusion and try it maybe what she needs to do instead of trying to find somebody that she thinks would be a good friend to her maybe she needs to try to find somebody that needs a good friend yeah and become a good friend of them matter of fact even just in saying that I believe that's her answer yeah excellent point and what you said is a really hopeful statement that God has those people in mind exact to be her friends exactly who and what she needs exactly that's right this is Cynthia from Illinois I recently restored a broken relationship with two sisters how can I keep and maintain this relationship in the future so what are some of the keys after you've got that put back together to keep a relationship strong well first of all I guess she needs to consider what caused the problem to start with make sure that that's avoided yeah and the things that I have learned in relationships probably are too many to talk about just on this program but number one we have to realize that we're all different I re different yeah very different years ago I read a book about personality types and it was just such an amazing eye opener to me because I was just having a very hard time getting along with a lot of different people you know by then I was already in ministry and I had a lot of people working for me and my husband was different than me and my kids were all different than each other and it was just like seemed like we had trouble everywhere we turned and finding out that every person is born with a god-given temperament and then their personality develops as a result of that temperament plus different things that happen to them as they mature and grow up that then becomes a personality a personality can be changed it can be improved we can overcome weaknesses we can enhance our strengths but you can't overcome your temperament you know I'm always going to be aggressive and straightforward and I've learned to be have better manners and to consider other people but I mean if nobody else is going to do anything I'll always do something you know because that's just the way I am well somebody else the last thing on their agenda might be to ever jump up and be the first to say let's do this or that because they're just born followers so just to realize how different her two sisters are from her be respectful about those differences honor those differences and value the differences that we have in people because I realize now that my gosh if Dave wasn't different than me we would have a terrible mess because there's some times when I move too fast and he'll slow me down a little sometimes and he's a little too slow and I'll speed him up a little some times if I am ready to give up on somebody and I'm not in the mood to give them mercy he'll come in with a good speech on how we need to be merciful and then sometimes it's me doing that with him so we need each other and we need the differences in one another so I think you know my bottom line advice would be respect the differences in your sisters honor them and go out of your way to show that you value them everybody wants value we all want to be made to feel valuable and we all want to be appreciated you know I think that people will look over a lot of our own mistakes if we have really shown them value and respect over a number of years we all need that we all need that well you know as talking as we're talking about these different relationships one of the most important keys to restoring any relationship is to make sure that your relationship with Christ is healthy so take a look at the story of how God restored a marriage on the verge of breakdown I want to make sure that when I leave here tonight that I have Christ as my savior I see this hand up there Bob Wilson never thought he'd give up his addiction to alcohol for anyone but that night at the Joyce Meyer conference in Birmingham God changed everything you spend your whole life looking for something you don't know what you're looking for you go from place to place you find different people to try to fill that gap different things like drink my life is to revolve around the pub and getting drunk could if I look back on my life it's ruined and controlled my life I've lost houses have houses repossessed because of the drink and thanks to Joyce and especially which you're talking about addiction approval I now realize exactly what I was doing I was looking for approval I wanted to be liked that's not important to me anymore I now know what's important to me which is the Lord and His approval was the only approval that sink bob says with the help of their church Joyce Myers teaching and most of all God he and his wife Carol are both on a path to personal healing and it's a path they're taking together I strongly believe that the Lord puts together and pearl love in our hearts for each other and Carol has had not an easy life up until now and I haven't in a different respect but most of mine was self-inflicted looking back on it and now I think we are up because of cow's patience Carol's love I have been able to develop my walk with the Lord she's allowed me to do that she's there she supports me and I try to do the same for her we watched Joyce we'll study together up we're trying to get as much information he gets like a giant sponge you want to soak it all up and yes we have a problem so everybody else we have her off days and we have it on tests but that's changed as well because listening to Joyce and we're both got a lot a long way to go but as Joyce says I'm not where I should be but thank Lord I'm not where it was he's my guide he's my comforter he's everything to me and I can't get over his unconditional love ease and peace that's the biggest thing not the peace that I had now got there having that faith to believe that I don't have to worry anymore I know that this life is a short span so whatever happens in this life is not important as long as I've got my faith in the Lord as long as we walk in the light with him he will he will give us in supply everything that we need so it really is so encouraging just to see the way that God works and other people's relationships other people's lives and know that he wants to do the same thing in all of ours and that it is our relationship with him that makes the other relationships work I really believe that it's pretty much impossible to get along with people unless you have a right relationship with God and you've received his forgiveness and unless you know how to get along well with yourself and by that I mean you know there's things about all of us that we don't personally like I mean things about me that you know I used to wish this was different that was different to be honest I don't even do that anymore because I've got a real deep understanding of you know God's created me yes I have faults but I have strengths and I have to focus on those strengths but before I could really get along with my husband or anybody else I had to get along with me and I think that's very very important for our viewers today to to realize that that you know before you start trying to fix a relationship with somebody else you need to find out is my relationship with God right and number two is my relationship with myself right if you're full of rejection about yourself and full of shame and you live under guilt and condemnation all the time it's going to come out of you and a grouchy attitude toward other people so yeah that's very important well here's a question that goes somewhat along those lines it's from Michael and Austria and he says I have a problem oh I'm sorry it's Mikayla and that's very important because it's a question about her husband Mikayla is asking I have a problem with my temper but only with my husband and only in some areas of our life so how can I be calm in those trigger moments even when he says things that I don't like well I think I would get with God and try to pray through what the root of the problem is if her husband is the only one that she gets angry at is there a resentment there is there an old wound that's still open maybe something that you haven't dealt with that you need to deal with or is it even something from your past you know I've found out for myself that sometimes if I was around somebody who had a personality like my father's that I would respond out of my anger toward him at them right and so there's a reason you know it's it's great to try to deal with the fruit of the anger but you may never really be able to fully get rid of it until you learn how to deal with the root of that anger now we do have self-control and we can learn you know the uselessness of anger and the foolishness of it and how it never changes anything and it just keeps making the problem worse and worse and you know we can learn to control ourselves by basically having good conversations with self about how foolish it is to keep getting angry but I really feel in my heart for you that if you want to really solve this problem you're going to have to maybe look for what the root of it is mm-hmm good advice all right well this comes from Brenda in Illinois and she says in a relationship that seems to be having communication blocks what is the best and most loving way to start opening things up for discussion that have been closed in the past without seeming to angry or confrontational well one of the things that I've learned is if I'm going to need to talk to anybody about something that I already know before I start into it maybe volatile I have to pray first and ask God to help me pick the right timing timing is so important in conversations that you know may not be received real well you don't ever want to talk to somebody when they're already stressed out when they're too tired when they've already got another huge problem when they're extremely hungry I mean there really good advice I mean there's times to pick when you want to talk to somebody and I think in conversation you have to make sure that you're not just wanting to talk but that you're willing to listen I remember saying to Dave one time you know we never talk and he said no you're right we don't talk you talk and I listened and that's the only way you want to talk and for me I I went through a period of time in my life with Dave where I felt like we just could not communicate and I found out that I had a problem and it was a route of rejection in my life and the way it manifested was if Dave and I would be trying to talk about something and he didn't agree with me then I would start trying to change his mind I I felt rejected if he didn't agree with me and I didn't know how to separate who I was from what I thought right so if he didn't think what I thought then I felt rejected and he kept saying I need to have the freedom to have my own opinion and I kept saying that I knew that but then I would keep trying to change his mind and that was a great breakthrough for me because I realized that my opinion is one thing Who I am is another Dave cannot agree with me about 12 things and that and he'd still love me right it's just a difference in our opinions and really everybody is entitled to their own opinion we need to learn how to not give them all the time unless somebody wants them but you can't make somebody think the way that you think so I think respecting that person making your mind up when you go into the conversation that you're going to give value to them by listening that you're going to give value to them by letting them know that they have a right to think differently than you do pray ahead of time pick your timing and I believe God can make it work out but opening those lines of communication even when it's hard right is key to having any good relationship yeah you you can't solve things without confrontation yeah and confrontation is for many people a nightmare for some people we do it too easily I would have a tendency to do it too quick so I have to provide wait yeah and so that I had to learn to pick the right timing and to really like God prepare a heart somebody else may hate it so bad that they miss the timing that God is trying to give them and then they try to do it in their own timing so it's just a matter of learning I think all right Ellen from Hampton Virginia wants to know what is the best way to handle the aggravation I feel with those I love but who continually have poor pitiful me parties do you have any experience there yes yes I used to live in the pity party all the time now you know I think we all have been there and I really I don't enjoy people now that feel sorry for themselves all the time you know it just it can be extremely aggravating when there's so much to be thankful for so much to be grateful for but I guess then I have to make sure that I'm not feeling sorry for me because I have to be around all these people to feel sorry for that start your own I can't fall right back into the same trap and I think you know number one do you have to be around those people you know can you choose other friends that are going to be more uplifting to you I mean sometimes we just need to choose to be around people that are going to be better to be around right you know so that's the first thing do you have to be around them secondly if you do have to be around them and you can't change them then you just need to pray for them and go and enjoy your life you know one of the things that my husband did that irritated me probably more than thing but in the long run it helped me more than anything was he would not let me make him unhappy so if your friends are making you unhappy if it's people that you that you have to be around you have no other choice and you're letting them make you unhappy then really you're all just playing the devil's game you know they're there they're open to the enemy by feeling sorry for themselves now you're open to the enemy by letting them steal your joy you have to be responsible for your own joy don't ever give somebody else the responsibility of keeping you happy they've made a decision I'm going to be happy no matter what you do and it irritates me but then eventually I saw his stability and I saw that he had something that I wanted and didn't have and it really was one of the things that God really used to change me that's good okay this is Chrissy from Ohio she says I love people and I get along with almost everyone how do I not take it personally when someone doesn't like me and for no apparent reason well you know I heard I heard that statistically it's been proven that 10% of people won't like us no matter what no matter what so no matter what you do what's her name Christie mm-hmm because no matter what you do Christie there's going to be some people that are going to like you I mean that's just a fact and you just have to not worry about it you know I've come to the point where I realize you know hey if you don't like me God will send somebody else that does and and you know you just you just have to realize that you can't keep everybody happy all the time you do the best that you can do to do what you believe is right and I don't mean that you should have some kind of a flippant attitude but sometimes you just need to think well you know if you don't like me you're missing a good opportunity to be in relationships if with a nice person because it sounds like you're somebody that's really nice you go out of your way to be nice to people and you do get along with most people so as far as taking it personally that's a decision that you just have to make and I think sometimes just looking at the statistics do help you know it did help me even in like like my my teaching or my preaching if somebody would get up walk out of a service what I was preaching you know in the beginning I was always sure that they didn't like me and then I finally realize well you know even if you're leaving because you don't like me there's an awful lot of people out there and if ninety percent really like me and if you don't then I have to focus on what's good and not what's bad maybe they just had to go to the bathroom and maybe they did and I think they probably did when you're insecure you always think it's you and you know maybe these people that she thinks doesn't like her it may be that they have personal problems of their own they're hurting they don't know how to relate to her and I've kind of learned that most people aren't as interested in us as we like to think they are sometimes in other words you know if somebody hurts me they may not have even had me on their mind at all it may have been something else entirely so right you know really it really changes us when we expect the best exist when we expect the best of other people and even if they don't like us we expect the best of ourselves yeah so you know I Know Who I am so it's okay we're not all going to be best friends I tell a story about my daughter that I'll tell here real quickly because I think it teaches a lesson you know she was in line one day at a drugstore waiting for a prescription and the clerk was grouchy grouchy grouchy and so she's making her plan the whole way she's working up the line I am going to tell her this and I'm gonna and I'm going to get the manager and I'm gonna do this and that and then she said God began to put on her heart you don't know what she's going through for all you know her husband walked out and left her and she's got three kids for all you know she just found out she's got terminal cancer you have no idea what that woman's going through so instead of getting up there and telling her off and this was what the Lord kind of put her to do go back out to your car get one of your mother's books that you carry around to give to people get back at the back of the line and wait all the way through it again and then give her something that might help her so here she was ready to take it personally when God was showing her and had nothing to do with her at all it was something going on in that woman's life very good alright this comes from Pat in Gordonsville Virginia at what point do we have to say that I cannot restore a relationship that it's better to walk away from this one well I think that God has to really show you that I don't think that anybody can give you a B C for that there are relationships that cannot be restored you can forgive you can forget and you can move on but forgiveness doesn't all I mean restoration sometimes it just it's just not healthy you know and I also really firmly believe this and I've learned this even in my own life more in the last five years and some situations almost everything in life is for a season except marriage and you know a few relationships but it's amazing how many people that I've had in my life that I thought when they were in my life would be there forever I'm talking about friends or people that I worked with or whatever and they thought they'd be there forever and we talked about forever and then it didn't it wasn't far forever the season was up and yeah you know then you just know that you know I value those people I appreciate the time that they were in my life but it's it's not there anymore yeah it's not I can remember them fondly but I can't go on in that relationship so restoration is not always possible sometimes someone is not willing to do their part you know sometimes it's not even something God wants you to continue with he wants you to move on or if it's an unsafe and unsafe or if the person just keeps hurting you over and over and over again I don't think God is asking us just to go out and just see how often people can hurt us there is a certain amount of wisdom and common sense and protecting your heart but he is a miraculous God yes he and we need to hold on to that hope at times too so yeah let me just say this before we go on because it's coming up in my heart I think that for everybody that's joined us today I think we need to be wiser and more discerning about the relationships that we get into I really feel like that many of the problems that our viewers have today are actually you made bad choices to start with I've made bad choices myself at times I've wanted to be in relationship with people for the wrong reasons and I've really I'm really praying a lot more to be much more discerning about I think you can be friends with a lot of people when you really throw your heart wide open to somebody you need to make sure that you're using wisdom and common sense and it's somebody that you want to invest in because if you're not willing to invest in a relationship it's never going to be a good one yeah yeah okay here's an interesting question from Christina in Florida do you think it's better for people to walk away if they're getting heated during an argument and and come back and talk later when things have calmed down or should they work harder to keep addressing it at that moment what's the best way to handle hard times and relationships like that I think probably sometimes it is wise to walk away from it for a few minutes to just get away from it let's always say let emotions subside and then decide because if you're at an emotional high point it's going to be very difficult to control your body language or facial expression your voice tones your attitudes and what you say so if you're at the point where you know that you're about to lose control or even if you if you've had relationship with this other person and you can see where they're headed and you know it's about to be an explosion sometimes you may be the one to have to say you know what I just think it's going to be better if we talk about this later this is not going to be a good time and then walk away price some more I don't think ignoring the issue forever is the answer I do believe we need proper confrontation but I do think sometimes we need a break and letting that person know what you're doing rather than just yes storming off yeah just saying you know I think that we just need to cool it here for a little bit you know we're not we're both getting overly excited and we're going to make a mess so let's just take a break and maybe we'll discuss it tomorrow or maybe this isn't the right time or yeah you know whatever okay um this is kind of a key question it's maybe a big answer but Maria wants to know how can I restore first my relationship with God well God is always ready for restoration so it's not even really anything that you have to do it's something you have to be open to letting God do he already knew everything that you were going to do wrong before you were ever born and he's prepared to forgive you forgiveness was paid for when Christ died on the cross and really all you have to do is receive you have to go to him and say I'm sorry there's you realize that there's no sin too great for God to forgive there's no pit so deep that he cannot reach down in it and get you out I want you to hear that today you it's not you late to begin again you've not done too many things wrong if you're wanting restoration with God then you can have it right at this moment you don't have to wait any longer all you need to do is ask God to forgive you to give you mercy to give you a brand new start and to teach you how to live right so you don't keep falling the same pit over and over and over again restoration with God is probably the simplest thing in the world if we'll just learn how to receive you know we're always trying to earn and deserve and buy and feel like we're good enough and that has nothing to do with grace grace is God doing for us what we absolutely do not and never can deserve and that's what's humbling about it I come to you God I'm the hugest mess on the whole planet I don't deserve forgiveness I don't know how you could possibly forgive me but I'm going to believe your word that you will and so I receive it right now the get means to obtain through struggle and effort to receive means to act like a receptacle and just simply take in what's being offered so we don't have to think that it's on our shoulders it's not that's not our job at all it's it's all all God he's done everything that needs to be done for us to have a new beginning a brand-new start total forgiveness yeah just just to let you know some information here people you guys are asking such good questions and people have been asking more than two thousand questions Wow got about fourteen thousand people with us here registered so that's also that's great but we've got time for a couple more questions if you don't mind Natasha from Georgia wants to know how do you know when to speak up when you feel misunderstood or misinterpreted I don't want to start another argument but I don't want to feel misunderstood well I think we all have a tendency to want to defend ourselves and to justify our own self and there is a real fine line between me being defensive and really trying to just bring some genuine understanding and I guess my answer to that would be you have to really know your own heart which is not always it's not that hard to do but we don't always take the time to do it I know one time there'd been some articles written about me in the paper and I felt very defensive about it and so even people when I'd be out and about with how I read that article you know how do you feel about that and then I would start right away defending myself one day one of my children was with me one of my sons and he said will you stop trying to defend yourself well I think up until then I didn't even really realized that that's what I was doing I wanted people to think well of me but then we have to ask ourselves sometimes you know why do I want people to think well of me and I really believe that when the Bible says that Jesus made himself of no reputation I don't think we can ever really get around to obeying God and getting beyond the need to defend and justify herself until we realize that our relationship really I mean our our not our relationship our rub what people think realization reputation say I do need help our reputation is really up to God he has to take care of our reputation I can't if I be responsible for what you think of me and they think of me and everybody else thinks of me I'll just end up going crazy and that's that's scriptural I mean it says that it's in his hands it's not our hands so that's good alright this is a question from Washington Seattle and it says I've been really depressed for the last couple years especially after my grandma's passing I thought of suicide and I need help in finding my strength back because that relationship was too so important to me that she feels like she's lost part of herself so when you've lost someone that was a huge part of you how do you continue well I think that you have to realize that in life you are always going to lose people that's part of life there's a time to gain a time to lose a time to get a time to lose that's Ecclesiastes and that that everything is right and beautiful and it's time you know a grandma sounds to me like she might have been an older person who had lived her life and so if you can learn to celebrate the life that she had and to really trust God now that it's time for you to take what she taught you and to move on you know the minute that you said ginger this girl's depressed I felt a sadness in my heart I just want to encourage everybody today don't be depressed don't be sad and gloomy and live your life and disappointment and think only about what you've lost Jesus died that you might have and enjoy your life and have it in abundance to the full until it overflows we've all lost things in life that have been painful for us but we have to think about what we have left and I just want to give you this little piece of advice don't just think about what you've lost but think now about what you can give I think that's always our point of healing it's not what about me what about me I feel this what have I lost what about me but what can I give who's out there that needs help that I can be a blessing to that'll bring you out of that depression yeah that's good and there there is such joy waiting for all of us I think sometimes we get in a hopeless place where we we feel like we'll maybe without that person or without whatever we'll never feel that joy again yeah but but God has a joy out there waiting for all of us that he just wants to bring forward you know I remember one time a fear getting on me about what I would do if I didn't have Dave how could I run the ministry how could it you know what would I do if I didn't have Dave and God felt dealt very sternly with me he said you'd do the same thing you're doing right now because Dave is not your source I am and that's what we have to you know all remember that God is our source and he's the strength of our life and and he's over everything he sees everything he knows everything and if you've lost a person that you love that's tragic I understand that don't expect you not to hurt you should hurt you should mourn but once again I repeat don't just think about what you've lost but now think about what can you do for someone else the minute that we get our mind off of ourselves and what we've lost and what we can do for someone else I think that's the point of healing well during this time we've been talking specifically about restoring relationships but at our Women's Conference which is coming up you're going to be focused and our special guests are going to be focused on restoring all different areas of our lives every area of our life God is far wholeness the word saved sozo in the greek means wholeness God didn't just send Jesus to buy us a ticket to heaven so we didn't have to go to hell when we died but so that we might live eternally in eternal life is to know God to be restored in every area you can be restored mentally you can be restored emotionally physically financially socially spiritually every area of your life can be restored God wants to teach you how to take back the things that the enemy has stolen from you and be a whole healthy individual one minister that I know says this and I think it's a great statement he says that the greatest gift you can give to the world is a healthy you yeah and so why don't you join us at our Women's Conference this year so you can be healthy and whole and restored in every area of your life and no more sadness I just want to say again for all the people watching today that you're said don't be said Jesus died so you could enjoy your day and and let go of what lies behind and press onto the good things that are HID yeah well a great start for that is to join us at the Women's Conference because it's just such an exciting I know excited about this year's conference worship the teaching it's all just a wonderful package that the new relationships that you build people meeting one I already know what I'm going to teach off because God gave me all those messages last week so now I'm really excited I think it's going to really be good and I don't know I mean I know the people that are our guests are going to speak on restoration I don't know what they're going to speak on but I know they're good we never have anybody unless we think they really have a real word in due season to impart to people well Nancy Alcorn who's the founder of Mercy Ministries knows what God can do in young woman's life because she says right all the time yes and then the Eldridge is our wonderful imparting God's Word and and also making it very practical and enjoyable as they share so and I realize I like all of them and so I'm just bold enough to believe if I like them that you're going to like them too and you know not only that just to set aside that weekend those really ends up being like two and a half days Thursday night Friday night through Saturday afternoon just to come apart and get out of the regular flow of things and make new friends and come with old friends and be there in the worship and the word it can be life-changing for you so we really hope that you'll register right now you can do it right here online and when you do it today you'll save 25% so now's a great time to do it our early registration is over but we've kind of done that again because of this special webcast so mark your calendars for September 15th through 17th and join us in downtown st. Louis it's going to be great fun we hope to see you then and thank you so much to all of you who submitted your questions today during the live webcast and thanks for all your great insight Joyce we appreciate it thank you very much for being with us today we love you very much and we appreciate the time that you took to be with us and we look forward to doing it again soon you

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Views: 214,595

Rating: 4.8716125 out of 5

Keywords: broken relationships, joyce meyer ministries, Joyce Meyer, relationships, restoring relationships, joyce meyer answers questions, joyce meyers ministries, joyce meyer youtube, joyce meyer 2019, how to restore relationships, joyce meyer how to restore relationships, joyce meyer relationships, joyce meyer relationship problems, joyce meyer relationships with others, joyce meyer relationship advice, how to have a healthy relationship, how to mend broken relationships

Id: BmP-34JCT1g

Length: 52min 23sec (3143 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 21 2013