Jordan Peterson - LET GO & MOVE ON | How To Overcome Break UPs and Betrayal

if you have a relationship with someone it's predicated on trust and part of the reason for that is that trust is what enables us to look at each other without running away screaming and what i mean by that is that if i trust you then i don't have to take into account how complicated you are because you're horribly complicated you know i think chimpanzee full of snakes that's what a human being is and and as long as you'll do what you say you'll do then i can take you at your word and your word simplifies you and you can take me at my word and my word simplifies you and then we can act like we understand each other even though we don't but then if that trust is betrayed then all the snakes come forth very very rapidly and so all of you i suspect have been betrayed one way or another and so what happens if you're in a relationship with someone and you trust them then you make certain assumptions about the past and you make certain assumptions about the present and you make certain assumptions about the future and everything's stable and so you're standing on solid ground and and the chaos it's like you're standing on thin ice the chaos is hidden the shark beneath the waves isn't there you're safe you're in the lifeboat but then if the person betrays you like if you're in an intimate relationship and the person has an affair and you find out about it then then you think one moment you're one place right you're where everything is secure because you've predicated your perception of the world on the axiom of trust and the next second really the next second you're in a completely different place and not only is that place different right now the place you were years ago is different and the place you're going to be in the future years hence is different and so all of that certainty that strange certainty that you inhabit can collapse into incredible complexity and you say well if someone betrays you you think well okay who were you because you weren't who i thought you were and i thought i knew you but i didn't know you at all and i never knew you and so all the things we did together those weren't the things that i thought were happening something else was happening and you're you're someone else and that means i'm someone else because i thought i knew what was going on and clearly i don't i'm some sort of blind sucker or the or the victim of a psychopath or someone who's so naive that they can barely live and i don't understand anything about human beings and i don't understand anything about myself and i have no idea where i am now i thought i was at home but i'm not i'm in a house and it's full of strangers and i don't know what i'm going to do tomorrow or next week or next year it's like all of that certainty that habitable certainty collapses right back into the potential from which it emerged and that's a terrifying thing that's a journey to the underworld from a mythological perspective that is really something worth knowing because you know journeys to the underworld are extraordinarily common in mythological stories and you know like the hobbit going out to find the smog the dragon and get the gold as a journey into the underworld journeys to the underworld happen all the time and modern people don't understand what the underworld is except that we've all been there and we go there all the time and we go there every time the solidity and stability of the world that we've erected at least partly through our speech is shattered because while some sort of snake appears that's another way of thinking about it and it's a really good way of thinking about it because you know no matter how carefully you construct the little habitable area that's around you there's always something you didn't take into account and there's always something that can pop up its head and do you in move on straight up move on forget them they are lying and they are untrustworthy so move on now sometimes this can be hard especially if they've somehow tied themselves into your life especially like for instance you get the kids involved in a divorce scenario you you can't move on but you have to mentally move on you have to emotionally detach from that human and that's hard to do because obviously they were someone that you trusted and the reason i know that you trusted them is because they got to a point where they were able to betray your trust and destroy you there are various ways to behave reprehensibly but there's a hierarchy of reprehensible behavior and there's something absolutely the worst at the bottom and and dante believed that it was betrayal and and i think that's right because you know one of the things that enables long-term cooperation peaceful cooperation between people is trust and i would also say that trust is the fundamental natural resource there's been some very good books written on the economic utility of trust for example and societies where the default economic presupposition between trading partners is trust tend to be rich even if they don't have any natural resources so they it's hard but the fact that they trust that you trusted them the fact that you had that relationship that's even more reason to walk away it's even more reason to move on you got to see them for what they are and this is an important piece right here this is an important piece this is something i learned as a young lad out there in the world that person is not who you thought they were right they are not who you thought they were the idea that this person was a trustworthy faithful companion is not true it is not true that person does not exist they didn't exist and they don't exist it was in your head it was in your head that this person was trustworthy and you they were everything you wanted them to be and they were faithful commander that is a lie they are not that person they have proved it they've proved it by their actions so move on and at the risk of sounding callous get over it get over it do not dwell do not dwell on do not dwell on on what it was and don't dwell on what it could have been you you guys go through bad breakups you know it's i just i thought well you're gonna it's like no don't dwell on that deal with what it is right now what that person is deal with reality accept reality and be be thankful for reality be thankful that you were able to learn before you invested more into this person be thankful that you found out when you did that this person was a liar that this person was unfaithful is untrustworthy be thankful that you know it and you know it now instead of later and you know what else is going to make it a lot easier to get over these situations is recognize that there's plenty of people out there in the world that are trustworthy and there are faithful good people there's they're out there go find one of them but don't think that that person that you had was the only one in the world they're not and you know what if that sometimes sometimes people have a hard time making that trust because they're so caught up and they they don't want to meet someone else right away that's fine start with yourself right rely on yourself trust yourself because we when when someone breaks our trust we we question ourselves too yes like we think our my judgment's bad i'm not a good judge of human character because i totally put my faith in this person look what they did to me so now we don't trust her so you gotta build that trust up you gotta build that trust up back again with yourself how do you do that read write learn work out be alone it's okay to be alone some people get freaked out when they're alone it's okay to be alone it's okay it's okay to be alone there's no big deal enjoy it do something productive and build that trust up in yourself you know look back at the situation learn from it we do that it's an opposite operational debrief oh you've put too much trust in somebody cool they broke your heart all right roger that let's see what were the steps what should i have recognized how many times did i say well you know they didn't call me but it's probably just because their phone was out of battery no once your phone runs out of battery once okay you don't let it happen again right so you start seeing those red flags see the mistakes that you made and then look for them next time around because you deal with people all the time that they they made mistakes the first run they go back and they make the same mistakes the second run they go back and make the same mistakes the third run that's when you got to start blaming yourself yeah on your situation that's why that's why i said you got to like build a relationship with yourself you got to learn yourself you got to trust you got to learn to trust yourself so spend some time doing that and then when you go back and you start dealing with people because that's what that's what you got to watch out for is that you become a hardened criminal you don't trust anybody like you were talking about cops you know sometimes cops have a hard time because they're dealing with scumbags all day long right and it builds up this this mistrust of other people so you don't want to have that happen you want to be suspicious of people but you want to be able to build trust once they prove themselves so take those small steps and start to build up over time don't just jump in and give someone 100 trust out of the gate you don't know don't know you know back in the day back in the day with old hardcore bands used to have this t-shirt that just said trust no one was like yeah that's legit right you don't don't go out of the gate with the big trust on somebody with important stuff don't do it but the good news is like i said there's plenty of people out there that are good people that you are giving you can give all your trust to just take it slow brother because guys would she was no no she wasn't that is a lie that person that you put put together in your head that you've assembled in your mind that person doesn't exist they don't exist the the person that you dealt with was a liar was unfaithful was a cheater that's the person the person wasn't this person that you're putting forth in your mind that person doesn't exist so stop i have seen so many situations where guys are just any and what's horrible is i'm sitting here saying this it's you could be smacking someone in the face telling them move on move on and they're not gonna listen so you gotta make that decision yeah that's that's that's it's hard and guys ruin their lives i mean girls do too girls and guys they ruin their lives you know with over somebody that is completely abusive whether mentally or physically that just completely abusive and they'll ruin their lives for this person that per and see in my mind i think it's because they build a person they build a person on the framework of reality they build a fantasy yeah and they're in love with that fantasy yeah and they want to keep it going right it's a fantasy so stop and they you know when they ignore like all the quote unquote red flags for sure and they remember the good times even if it's like like 10 minutes yeah a week they remember those good times they ignore the the red flags [Music] you

Channel: Inspire For Greatness

Views: 38,925

Rating: 4.9099679 out of 5

Keywords: td jakes motivation let them walk, letting go inspiration, td jakes let them walk, let them go td jakes, td jakes motivational speech, inspire for greatness, td jakes let them go, let them walk td jakes, let them go, heartbreak, stop crying, relationship, best breakup motivation video, jordan peterson, jordan peterson breakup, let them go motivational video, how to overcome breakup, how to overcome breakup depression, how to overcome breakup for girls

Id: VFiW04sAlP0

Length: 12min 21sec (741 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 14 2021